Fire Wives
Join me as I chat with my fellow Fire Wives about what it's like to be married to a Firefighter. Every week, we’ll be talking about the good and the bad of being in the Fire Family, sharing funny stories, and highlighting the spouses that make it all possible.
Fire Wives
E20 Jyssica
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Hey. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. I'm Noha. It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Thank you. Tell me, is it Jessica? It's Jessica, like J E S S I A, but I'm special with Allah.
SPEAKER_01I love that. Well, I'm Noha, and I'm sure you've never heard that before. Yes.
SPEAKER_03It's good to be different.
SPEAKER_01It is. That's right. It's good to embrace it. It's nice to meet you virtually. How are you?
SPEAKER_03Yes, I'm good. I'm good. How are you? Good.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for bearing with me with my technology problems.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, I promise you, it's probably me.
SPEAKER_01No, I don't think so. I think every time I send the Zoom invite, I do the same thing and it ends up being the wrong link. There's like one way to do it and then another way to do it, and I just never can remember.
SPEAKER_03So I'm so not tech savvy. And I don't know that it's ever going to get better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's all right. I mean, we have our strengths, right? Yes, that's right.
unknownThat's right.
SPEAKER_01So tell me a little bit about yourself.
SPEAKER_03Well, my name is Jessica. I'm married to my wonderful husband, Corey. We've been married for 14 years this year. We have three children. Clara is 12, Kix is 10, and Cullen Grace is four. And I've told you that we just embrace this fire life. I'm a homeschooling mom and we've done that since the beginning. Claire's 12, she's never been in daycare, preschool, public school, anything. And that's not what we had in in mind at all. Have a bachelor of science in education. So my goal was to be a teacher in the public school system and send my kids there. But things change and life changes, and we just felt God leading us a different way. And so we've just embraced that as well. And so that takes a lot of my time, but then I try to be there for my husband as he works fire shifts. And my oldest daughter, she dances competitively, so that keeps us busy. My youngest daughter is starting that as well. So we just we really stay busy all the time.
SPEAKER_01I bet. Where did you go to college for your bachelor's?
SPEAKER_03Um, so I went to University of Tennessee at Martin. But the cool thing about it is so we have local campuses around, so I stayed at home. I never moved off to college or anything, so I stayed at home and got my Bachelor of Science in Education. So that wasn't my route either. I was in nursing school for a year, thought I wanted to be a nurse, and got in that and realized that's not what I wanted to do. So then did three more years of school and graduated while I was pregnant with my oldest. And my goal was she was I graduated in December, she was going to be born in March. The following fall, I would go be a teacher in a local public school system, and they had some cuts that year, and I was like, Well, I'll just wait. And when she gets a little older, we'll figure it out. Well, she's older and she's still at home, but we're really active in our homeschool community. We have a lot of homeschoolers here, even though it's a small area, and we have two days a week that we're not at home at all because we're doing homeschool activities, plus field trips and mom night outs and parties and all the things. I wish we weren't busy, but we are so we just we love that life, and my kids have have really loved it. They ask to not go to public school, so we just play it by ear and go as we can with the flow.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's great. I mean, sometimes it's never what you think it's gonna be. That's right. Right? You have a big goal for your life, and then you're like, oh, well, here we are.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I mean, my husband firefighting wasn't on his radar until a few years ago, so that was a change. And because he was my husband, he's been my my person since I was 16. I'll be 36 next month, and so we've been together almost 20 years, and he never mentioned firefighting, and then one day he did, and it was a hard adjustment, and I probably wasn't as supportive as I should have been. But once I prayed about it and listened to him, and then noticed how happy he was and saw how much he loved it, I jumped in full force as well and trying to be supportive as I could.
SPEAKER_01That's great. Yes. Tell me more about you think you weren't as supportive as you should have been. What happened?
SPEAKER_03So he used to work at a local paper mill in our area. He did that for I don't know, 12 years before he went full-time career firefighter. A few years before that, and so he went full-time fire in 2022. In 2019, he joined our volunteer fire department. So countywide, we have a volunteer fire department that has I don't know how many, probably close to 200 volunteers, and that's how our whole county is run. So he joined that in 2019 after he witnessed an accident and he didn't know how to help. And he was like, I've never felt more helpless, and that's not what I'm gonna do. And he had mentioned it a couple of times because we had a friend that was a firefighter, he's like, I think I want to do that. And I was like, I think you don't, and so then when he witnessed that, he was like, No, I'm going next week and I'm putting my application in. And I was like, Okay, whatever. So he did, and 2019, he did all the classes, did all the things, and he was like, I think you should do it too, and I was like, I think I should not, because that's not what I want to do at all. So anyway, he talked me into it, so I joined the volunteer fire department, and we have the option of being interior certified or not, and I was like, No, I'm not gonna do that. So I'm not interior certified, I'm not medically certified, so I'm just kind of a support person a lot, but anything to support him. I was like, if he's happy and he enjoys this, this is something we can do together, and they and it helps me learn more and know some of the insides of it. So then that was in 2020 I joined, and then in 2022, he was like, I'm just not happy at my job anymore. I've got to do something different. I was like, Well, there's nothing different, there's not an option for you, this is where you're at, so we're just gonna stay here. And then the job opened at our city fire department that's full-time career staff personnel, and he was like, I really think I should do this. And I was like, I don't think so, because he made really, really good money and had really good insurance, and it was a huge pay cut, and we lost our insurance, and I was like, and we had a baby, our youngest wasn't even one yet. And I was like, This is not okay, you know. And he was like, No, I really think this is what I want to do. If you don't want me to, I won't, but I think this is where God's leading me. And I was like, Well, okay, you know, so I thought if I'm not supportive, then it's gonna cause problems, so I'm gonna try my best to be supportive. And so then when he made the switch, it was just like I instantly saw I was looking through rose-colored glasses until I got out of that situation and saw that there could be better because I was like, because he works at 4896. I thought there's no way this is better, but he was already working swing shift and it was awful on him, it was awful on us. It was just a really hard lifestyle that we didn't know anything better because we've always done it.
SPEAKER_01What is swing shift?
SPEAKER_03So he would work seven days of a midnight shift, which was 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. He'd get two days off, he'd go to 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. He'd get one day off, then he'd work 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. and then he'd get four days off.
SPEAKER_04Oh no.
SPEAKER_03And that's if you got your days off. And he usually got hung out, which meant he didn't work his eight hours, he would work 12 or 16, and so he was just really run ragged because it's one thing to work night shift, but it's another thing to work a shift that's constantly changing every single week. And that was just really hard on him, and it I feel like it aged him mentally and physically more than it should have when he was in his 20s and 30s. So but then I was like, you know, firefighting is so dangerous, it's so rough on you, blah, blah, blah, blah. But he's just a totally different person after leaving that lifestyle and going to the fire department. I know he's better mentally and he's better physically as well.
SPEAKER_01So wow. I mean, there's so much research out there on night shifts, anything like the swing shift you're talking about, it's not good. It's not good for your body. And like there are some careers that are we will forever need them, but I would not have expected a paper mill to be one of them.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it works 24-7, no days off, and never shuts down. Yeah. And so it's it's a great, I'm so thankful it's in our area because it it offers employment for a lot of people who would otherwise have to go out of town to get great employment, great insurance, great benefits, all of that. So I'm thankful for it. And we had really good years there, and we met some wonderful people, and so I don't regret him ever working there, but now that he's out of it, I'm thankful he had the chance to get out of it because a lot of people don't have that chance to leave. And we just looking back, we didn't buy this and we didn't buy that, and we didn't build a house, and we didn't do all those things when we had the good big money, and I think it was us just being obedient and listening to God say, I have something better for you, but if you don't wait, you might be put in a position where you can't leave. So we did depend on that income, but we were also able to do without it as well. And we weren't like, you have to stay here or we can't survive because I don't work outside the home, so it was solely on his shoulders. But I mean now he has a second job, he he works full-time at the fire department and works a second job, but he's still home more, which is crazy, but and happier. Yes, so much happier, so much happier. What's his second job? He plums, he's a plumber. Yes, nice, yeah, and he runs, they also have heavy equipment that they do things with they they use it in their plumbing business, but they also, you know, will put in different things for different people, like if an electrician needs stuff done that they can they can do that as well. So just good life skills.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's great. He's handy, I'm sure. Yes, he's very handy. I do think that firefighting is a calling. It is. I don't I don't think it would have been avoidable. It was maybe a little delayed.
SPEAKER_03Yes, that's right. It's definitely right, and I think he wishes it wouldn't have been so delayed because he might not like it, but he's I'm gonna tell his age. He'll be 40 this year, and so he felt kind of like he was probably late to the game. Because most everybody coming into it's a lot younger, usually, but not around here because a lot of people get into it on the volunteer side when they're older and they're like, Oh wow, this is kind of cool. Maybe I should do this. So it is young. I guess it's a younger field most of the time, but I think he just wishes he would have had that time to experience more and do it more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but he may not have appreciated as much as he does now.
SPEAKER_03That's true, that's very true, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What's that expression? The grass isn't always greener or whatever.
SPEAKER_03Right, absolutely, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01But you said you're also a firefighter and you don't do interior work, but tell me more about that.
SPEAKER_03So I joined just to be supportive, I guess. I wanted to learn more about it so I could could be supportive at the time. He was just a volunteer, he wasn't doing a career at all. He was on the ERT team at the paper mill, which is emergency response. So he did do it there as well. But I mean, that was still just paper mill based. But I was just he was so full in it. He he lived the fire service, even as a volunteer. He just loved it. He took all the classes, did all the trainings, everything he could do, he did it. And so I was like, I'm I was so against this in the beginning. Maybe I should learn more about it. And then I met the people who are on our, you know, volunteer department and the people in our area because we're broke up into districts where we live. And so I went to a few district meetings and met the people, and I was like, you know, they're great people. He enjoys this. I think I can enjoy this. This is something we could do together. Our kids were little, we didn't even have our youngest. Uh, she wasn't even in the thought. And our older two were still little. I mean, they were four and probably six when he started, and so we took them to everything. They grew up going to meetings, going to trainings and all that because we were both there, so they had to go. And so it's just a family thing that we all did. The other people brought their kids, and our kids grew up, they're they're fire kids, they grew up living at trainings and meetings and all of that. And so then when I did it, I did all of the things as well, except interior, and I don't want to do medical stuff, and I don't respond to calls. I don't, I obviously don't go to medical because I'm not I don't have a license, and I don't go to like wrecks and things if I know it's gonna be bad because I know that that's I I can't see those things and still sleep at night. There are people who can, he can go to a bad call and he can come home and he can leave it. I am not one of those people, and I know that and I recognize that, so I don't go to the bad stuff, and I've gone on a few calls and just been the person that helps. I mean, I can talk on the radio to people, I can talk on the phone to people, I can relay messages to people, I can change bottles on air packs, I can hand you a bottle of water and keep you from having to walk, you know. And I thought that if if that's all I can do, if only the only person I'm helping is my husband, then that's weight off his shoulders when he's on a fire scene or on a wreck or whatever that I feel comfortable going to. And so I just joined for that. But then I I fell in love with that too. I mean, there's there's things about the fire service I don't enjoy. I don't like seeing awful things, and so I just know I'm gonna step away from that and I'm not gonna experience that. But there are things that I really enjoy about it as well, so something we can do together. And then this past year, well, for the last three years, I've worked at my daughter's dance studio. I worked there in the evenings to help pay for all these competition fees, and so I've been able to work around that pretty good and still go to a bunch of fire stuff, but this past year worked there three nights a week, and so I haven't even been able to go to fire meetings and stuff, and so I went to my first one the other night. I was like, I just I've missed this so much. The the learning and all of that, but just the camaraderie and the fellowship that we have as as a family. I mean, we're we're a fire family and we recognize that, and they're just great people. And a lot of the people in our volunteer district also work at the city with my husband, so I just we see each other a lot, we live life together a lot, and I just knew that that was something I wanted to be a part of as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it must be difficult though if you're on a on the same call. Do you are you ever watching him going into a fire?
SPEAKER_03I have a couple of times, and I've gone like so. Since I am a volunteer, I have a pager, so I can hear all of his calls, even when he's at work, which I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing some days. And some some shifts I've just turned the pager off and I've not even listened. So I can get texts for our district if it's something that I felt like I needed to go to, but I don't have to hear his city calls. But then there's been times I've known that he's on a call and I'd be in town and I'd say, Well, kids, do you want to go watch daddy work? And they're like, Yeah, let's go. And so we go. Yes, I've watched him go into not fun situations, and then there's been times I didn't even know he was there, and he's like, Hey, just got back from a job, and I'm like, Oh, I didn't even know. I don't know if that's good or bad. Um, so I can't decide what's the best, if I know or if I don't know. But I think I like knowing because I'm I can call myself, I know where he's at, I trust his chef partners wholeheartedly that they're gonna take care of him, and then I know I'm praying for his safety, I'm praying for their safety. And after a few hours, I'm like, okay, I know what you're doing. Let me know you're still okay. So yeah, I guess that is hard to watch. A lot of people don't have that. A lot of firewives don't get that opportunity to watch their husbands work. So I don't know. It's not really affected me in a bad way, shockingly, but there may be a day it does, but I've enjoyed it.
SPEAKER_01That's great. I'm not sure I could do it. Like I can compartmentalize and put it away and just like pretend it's not happening, but I'm not sure I can watch him run into a fire.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's it's it's different, I would say, but I don't know. I just I've watched him from the get-go do it so much, and I've watched him train so much. It just doesn't bother me. I just I feel confident in his skills, I feel confident in his shift partner and shift lead and all the other people that work with him. I know, hey, so-and-so's going on this call, they're all gonna be together, they all work together good, and I just like I said, we're just a tight-knit community and family, and so we know each other on not just a business level or career level, like we live life together, and so I just I know those things and I just feel more comfortable. It doesn't really affect me poorly, but there may be a day it does, and I'll just have to step back from that. Yeah, me too. Me too.
SPEAKER_01Are uh just out of curiosity, are there a lot of homeschooling families within your community, your fire community?
SPEAKER_03There there was a couple, so my next door neighbor, which she's not my next door, we live through the woods, we don't see each other's house, we live out in the country. So they moved here a few years ago, and she was actually a medic in the military, and so I they homeschool their three kids. And so when I found that out, I was like, maybe you would enjoy the fire service. So she went through all the classes as well, and she joined the department, but then she had to step away because her husband went to trooper school, and so that just demanded a lot of her time to be there full-time for her kids. So there's not as many, but I think I'm getting more people on the homeschool trained uh because there are a lot of females in our fire community on the volunteer side. My husband works with one full-time at his job as a female, but there's a lot of females in the volunteer side, and they all have lots of questions about homeschooling, and so the go-to person, it seems like. So I enjoy that. I'm I'm glad to be that person because when I started it, I said that I would be that person that I didn't have because when I started the community was really small and I didn't have a whole lot. So I've always said if I can get to that point where I can share my experiences, good or bad, I I want to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01So what's your selling point on homeschooling?
SPEAKER_03Lots of things. My number one is probably family time because when we started it, my husband worked swing shifts. So there were lots of days that if we had been living a regular life, we would not have seen each other at all because he would have gone to work before we got home from school and we would have been in bed asleep by the time he got home. So my kids kind of worked shift work with him. I mean, they didn't stay up all night on midnight shift, but when he worked evening shift and he got off at 11, there were a lot of nights that they were still up because they hadn't seen their dad, and so they wanted to see him. And we had that privilege of staying up because we didn't have to get up at five o'clock the next morning. Uh they were still, I mean, they were little, so it wasn't like they were gonna go to public school at that point anyway, but I just there's so many, there are so many pros and there are cons to homeschooling. But I I think family time is my biggest because I just love being with my kids. There's not a day, I don't think I've ever had a day where I've thought, I just wish you would go somewhere and I just had my own time. Now I might step in the bathroom and be like, I need a break, but there's never been a day where I just wish that they weren't with me. Because today, like I took my daughters to dance and I didn't have my son, and like I just missed him so much, I just miss them. But they also have their own thing, and they're not they love to be with me, but they're okay being without me. Yeah, and so that hurts my mama heart a little bit, but they're like, no, we're fine, mom. And they've been like that since birth, and I didn't have that personality, so I'm thankful that they do because I wanted to be right up under my mama, 24-7. And I attributed that to being in public school all day. I didn't get to see her. And so when I got home, I just wanted to be with her. I didn't do extracurriculars, I didn't do anything like that because I just wanted to be at home with my mom, and so my kids don't have that, they don't have to do without me. So when it is time to go without me, they're like, hey, we're fine, leave us. Sounds good. We're good, yeah. Right. Um, so yeah, family time is my biggest seller, I think. And there's so many good, good things about it, but that would be my number one, probably.
SPEAKER_01That's great. I'm glad you love your kids that much. I love my kids. I don't know if I love them that much.
SPEAKER_03There are very, very hard days, and I'm thankful that it wasn't that way when he was at the paper mill because my mom worked as well full-time, and he was gone a lot. So I didn't have anybody that I could just my mother-in-law works. I mean, I didn't have anybody that I could pawn them off on. I couldn't say, Hey, can I leave the kids with you for a couple hours while I do this, that, and other. They were with me 24-7. There was no Walmart pickup, there was no Kroger click list. So we would go shopping for two hours with a toddler and an infant, and it it was draining, and there were hard days, and I cried a lot. Um, and I cried with them a lot because they were stressed out, and I was stressed out too. But I I don't regret it at all, and so I'm thankful for that. And life's different now with him being at the fire department. So the days that he is off, I send my kids to work with him a lot, especially my son. My daughter is committed to dance a whole lot, so she can't miss. But my son is able to go and do the work that his dad does and his grandfather does, and he gets to see those life skills. Like right now, my son is with my husband running a skid steer while my husband runs I think most people call it an excavator, I call it a tracto, but he he knows that my husband was like, I need a skid steer driver, come on. And he's 10, and so he just hopped on it and and does it. So I do love him very much. Now there are days where I'm just like, Can I just go to the bathroom by myself for just a second, please?
SPEAKER_01Especially with your four-year-old, I'm sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's why I was like, I gotta go to the car and make this call because if I said inside, they'll be like, Mom, what are you doing? Who are you talking to? What are you doing? You know?
SPEAKER_01So you're at home. You're parked in your car by after.
SPEAKER_03Yes, I'm at home. My husband was like, bring me the kids outside. You know, you stay inside, but then my youngest, she's four, and she's had a long day, so she's asleep on the couch. And I was like, you know what? I'm just not gonna wake her. So my oldest is like, I'll watch your mom. Oh no. Just go do your thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's great. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01So I guess it almost sounds to me like right now the schedule that you have is easier, which has not been anybody else's experience so far.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01What do you think the best part of being a firewife has been?
SPEAKER_03So I think the best part is the schedule and seeing my husband fulfill his calling. Because he was the happy, he's the happiest person. Like, not much gets him down, not much frustrates him, and he's a find a way, make a way, we'll figure it out type of person. And he was like, you know, I'll work this job and do whatever it is to make you and the kids happy. And when he started there, he he didn't mind it. But after 12 years in such a draining job where you have to work so much overtime and you are physically just never rested, it was just really getting to him. And then he felt like he was supposed to be somewhere else. He always had the helper mentality, he always wants to help people no matter what it is, what time of day it is, he wants to help people. So when he found the fire service, it was just like, hey, maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. And then when he really stepped into that calling, he just I won't say changed, but he kind of did. He was just happier in his career. And I mean, like, tomorrow he'll go on shift, and like I'll, you know, tonight I'm gonna be like, Oh, I miss you. I wish you wouldn't go. And he was like, I'm gonna miss you too, but I really love my job. Like, I don't like being away from y'all for 48 hours, but I really love my job, and I'm just so thankful he's that way because so many people not really in our area, but like I I watch videos and stuff, and so many firewives talk about how their husbands hate going, and I just can't imagine mine being that way because he just loves it so much, and so getting to watch him do that is just the highlight of my life, and the schedule is great too, but also the schedule's probably the worst thing because I do miss him when he's gone for 48 hours, so it's kind of like a double-edged sword, like it's really, really good, but it's also really bad sometimes. But yeah, there's not been there's not been a single shift, maybe one, where I've been like, I really, really hate that you have to go. Really hate that you have to go. We had an ice storm hit in January, and we're in West Tennessee, so that's not a big thing that happens. We were personally out of power for 14 days, 14 or 15 days. And he was on shift, he went in on a Friday, so he's supposed to get off Sunday morning at seven. Well, in the middle of the nine, is when it hit. He didn't get he worked a full eight or nine days straight at the fire station, didn't leave, live there. They all came in, they all stayed there, they set up cots in the bay, they all live there, and so in that moment, I was like, I really wish you were home because I don't like doing this by myself. Yeah, but he was like, I do too, but this is where I need to be, and you're taken care of because I was with my mom, and then he came and got us and took took us to his mom's in town, and so where we had power and stuff, and so he was like, I know you're safe, I know the kids are safe, this is where I need to be. Other people need me, and this is where I need to be. And I was like, Okay, well, this stinks because I miss you, but I understand.
SPEAKER_00So do you think he would do the same for you?
SPEAKER_03Yes, absolutely. I do. It's because when we got married, I was still in school, and he was like, You're not gonna work, you're gonna focus on finishing school. So the first year I didn't work at all, wasn't pregnant, wasn't it? Was just I was going to school, and it was I'll take care of you and do whatever you need to do to get through school, and then we'll figure it out. And then when we had kids and life changed, and I was like, you know, I think I want to do this homeschooling thing, and he was like, Cool, sounds cool to me. Let's try it. Whatever you think you need to do, whatever you want to do, I am I fully support you. Any decision I make, he's usually like, Yeah, I support you 100%. So I think so, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Do you wish you would have started being a firefighter when you were younger?
SPEAKER_03Not really, other than I do feel old some days. I don't keep up as well as I used to doing things. Only maybe if he had and we could have done that together, maybe. I don't ever see myself, never had thought it would be anything I did I did, and I sure don't see myself ever making a career out of it. That's not I don't think that's my calling on my life. I do like to help people, but I don't think that that's where I I think my calling is helping my children right now, and then maybe when they're grown and stuff and they don't need me, I can do other things, but right now I think that that's where I'm supposed to be. So no, I don't regret doing it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what would you do when your kids are done with school and you're you're done being a a teacher?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. My older two will graduate obviously sooner than the younger one because she's five years' difference between the middle and the youngest. So it'll be a while before she's out of school, but I think I'll be old then. So I don't know what I'll do. I don't think I'll ever go back into the public school system. And I have that degree if I ever wanted to do anything with it. I don't really know what my calling is after that, but it's all figured out. Yeah, I'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what's been the hardest part of being a firewife? And I hate to ask you that because you're also a firefighter.
SPEAKER_03So it just feels uh silly to say it that way, but I feel like I can separate the two, I guess, because I'm I'm so not a firefighter compared to the other firefighters. I know I'm more of a hey, I'll help you. You need a piece of paper, do you need a bottle of water? You know, I'm just just the supportive person. But I the hardest part of being a firewife would probably just be the time that we have to spend away from each other. That's hard, just because he's my best friend and I want to be with him all the time. But and and there are times where when I I know he goes on a bad call and I'm like, that stinks really bad, really, really bad. But I just have to step back and pray that he's gonna be okay and know that it's all gonna be taken care of.
SPEAKER_01So well, how did you guys meet?
SPEAKER_03So we met when I was very young. So he is four years older than me. I was 16 when we started dating. We actually met through a friend. He was dating one of my friends, and so that's how we met, but that's not how we became anything. Years down the road, we met. I'll I'll tell her age, we reconnected on my space. Oh, yeah. So, so pre-Facebook days we reconnected on there, and then it was just one of those things where it's like it's your soulmate because you hang out one day and then you're just never apart. Like, there's no, hey, do you want to see where this goes? No, like we're together, and and now we're together, and there's no apart. So, yeah, I was still in high school. He was out of high school and living life and working, and so he he didn't like help raise me because that sounds so awful. But like when he and I started dating, I didn't even know how to drive a car because at 16 I was like, I don't want to drive, I just let my mom take me to school, and I'm just one of those people who it's hard for me to start things that I don't want to, and I didn't want to drive, it scared me, and so I just didn't, and so and he encouraged you to? He yeah, he encouraged me to, I guess, or just helped me. So I'm thankful for that, but yeah, he he's been there since I was a baby, I guess.
SPEAKER_01Maybe reframe how you say that.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, I was uh yeah, oh he tells people he's like, I raised her, I raised her, and I'm like, you shouldn't say that to people. You're only four years apart. Yeah, sound so much worse with her. Three and a half, really, but yeah, he tells people that.
SPEAKER_01That's how different. I mean, that's the age gap between me and my husband, like three and a little, I guess. I don't think I've done the exact math, but like three and a little. Three and a little, yeah. But we met, I was a a little older than that. So I I guess that's why I wouldn't I wouldn't say he raised me. In fact, I would say maybe I raised him.
SPEAKER_03Oh, well.
SPEAKER_01You know, boys, they're always a little late to the that's very true.
SPEAKER_03That's very true. That's very true.
SPEAKER_01Now tell me one little segment that I've been doing. It's I I borrowed the term from somebody, but we call it shift happens. You already told me a pretty impressive shift happens story. Yeah. Any other ones that come to your mind?
SPEAKER_03Not really, just the typical same stuff everybody else has to deal with. When when he became a career firefighter, and so what had happened was somebody moved out of that position and his current shift lead moved up to shift lead, and so there was an open position because at the time they only ran two on each shift. Now they're running three on each shift, and so he stepped into his shift leads position, and the wife of the husband who was stepping out of shift lead, she was like, I promise you, it will all hit the fan while he's on shift. Every appliance you have will break. Every time the kids get sick, it will be on shift, everything will go south, and when it does, here's my phone number, and you can call me. And so, I mean, but we knew each other before that, and now we know each other. I mean, we still see each other all the time. She and her husband teach archery, and so my kids have been involved in that. So we see each other. It's just we live in such a small town. You do everything together, you just live life together outside of the fire service and in the firehouse, too. So I was like, okay, it's probably not that bad because I had endured so much at the paper meal because everything would go south while he was at work and he'd be like, Oh, well, I'm hung out and I won't get home till seven in the morning. You're on your own, and I'll I'll fix it when I get there as soon as I can. And he couldn't leave, there was no leaving. So I just figured it out on my own, and you know, I've had a good support system. My mom is right up the road and she's always there for me. So if the kids were ever sick and I needed something, she was there, and my in-laws are great, but yeah, the kids a couple years ago, they got hand, foot, and mouth when they were older, and they all three got sick at the same time on the same day. They all three had really high fevers, and he had just started Shift, so that meant he had 48 hours at the station, and then the night that they were sick, I was like, Well, we'll just hang out, watch TV. We had a wreck on our road, and somebody hit the internet cable, so we did all of our internet went out, so we couldn't even watch TV. The poor kids couldn't watch TV. So I had to nurse three kids at once with no TV, nothing to occupy them, high fevers, feeling awful. And he was on shift, and I was like, you know what? This really sucks, like 100%. Just having an extra set of hands like makes the world of difference. Like, you just don't realize it. So that is kind of the stinky part, but I just thought this won't last forever. They're gonna get over their fevers probably tomorrow or the next day, and then he'll be home and it'll be okay. And so they did, they got better, it was fine. And then, so when the really bad stuff hit, like when the sores appeared on their mouths and their hands and stuff, he was home to help console them during that. So that was it was good. I was like, you know what? I guess if you're gonna not be here for a fever, then that's okay. But it it it literally never fails, stuff's gonna happen on shift always.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, honestly, I wonder like how much stuff just happens all the time and we don't make a big deal of it because two of you, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Two hands on deck or two sets of hands on deck.
SPEAKER_03Right. I think I think that's the truth. I think you just recognize it more when you're the one who's like, I have to handle this by myself. And so you just make a mental note of that definitely happened, don't you? Stuff happens all the time. And you just forget yeah, they're there to fix it, or they're there to help you, so it's not that big of a deal.
SPEAKER_01So I remember when when I was younger, my parents own a business and they they went on vacation, and I kind of would run the business while they were gone and come back, whatever, just like keep it afloat, not really all the details. But of course, that week the health inspector comes comes in and he needed me to like replace all these things, and I don't know, a million things happened. Honestly, it was probably like 20 years ago, I don't remember, but I I remember calling them and they're abroad and uh figuring out like who can replace the ceiling tiles. Like, I don't know, I don't know anybody who does that. And then when they came back and they're like, Oh yeah, stuff like that happens all the time. Like that's not that wasn't a bad week. You just have not dealt with it before.
SPEAKER_03Right. And then on you, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to figure it out, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah. Right. What kind of impact do you feel this has had on your marriage? I know this is newer for your marriage. Well, yeah, newer in comparison to the paper mill.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So he's been a career firefighter for four years now. I feel like maybe it's just because we figured stuff out as we've gotten older. Maybe it has nothing to do with the fire life. I just I feel like we have a better marriage now than we did back then. Not that it was bad, but the other job just physically had him in such a bad space most days because if he was home, he was tired or he was sleeping. And so that was really hard on us. I mean, we didn't have fights or arguments or anything, it was just like I felt like I didn't see him hardly ever. And I felt like even when he was home, it was still me doing all the things because he was so tired and so exhausted. And so I just feel like it's definitely I don't know that it's helped our marriage because in 2020 in 2022 when he took the job, I don't think what we're any better than we were then, but we just are able to spend more time together, just he and I, and as a family, and then him just being happier all the time and physically better, I think has just helped all of us thrive more. And the kids, the older two realize and recognize how it was them, and they're like, duh, we don't ever want you to go back there. Like, and the and they had their moments where they didn't like that he went to the fire station or whatever, he wasn't gonna be home, but they still say it's still better than what you had before. So if the children recognize that, then I'm like, well, you know, maybe that's definitely true. Maybe it's not just me that's like, oh, this is so great. Yeah, but they still struggle with him being gone some, but we see him so much. We live 15 minutes from his fire station, and I know people who don't, you know, travel one, two, three hours to work, so I know that they couldn't do that, but we have that privilege. I mean, it's in our town that we do all of our homeschool activities, all of our dance activities, everything is in that town. So we're at the fire station a lot too. Right.
SPEAKER_01So there's a lot of fun activities there.
SPEAKER_03Yes, absolutely. And then the fire uncles are there, and you're like, here, play with the kids for a minute. Be off. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right. It's the best. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that. Would you? I guess this is gonna be interesting because again, it's newer for you. What advice would you give to somebody whose husband says, Hey, guess what? I've been in this career for 10 years and now I want to change. I want to become a firefighter. Or whose spouse, I guess.
SPEAKER_03Yes. I definitely would just say listen to them and all of the pros and cons of it. Don't just be like, oh yes, absolutely. Definitely listen to them and what they have to say about it. I just think being supportive, even if you're hesitant, you can still be supportive because looking back after I got on board, I I was still like, I don't know if this is right, but I feel like you think it is. And if you feel that that's what's gonna make you happy, then I'm gonna be supportive enough to watch and see and let you figure it out. And I'm not gonna hold you back from that. So I think if they change careers, it's very, very hard. But I think being supportive is just the best thing in anything that your spouse does, unless it's obviously dangerous or you feel like you shouldn't do that, but things like that, just listening to what they have to say and just being supportive in the moment and throughout the journey is the biggest thing that I wish I had done different. So I would tell all all of the people who face that to be supportive.
SPEAKER_01How long did it take you before you felt like you could do that?
SPEAKER_03Not very long. Maybe about a month. I was like, oh wait, this is a whole lot better than what we did. So not very long at all. And there are still some days I'm like, I kind of miss that that that money that we had. It we because it was a big income change, but it's definitely better, and then sometimes he'll say, Don't you wish I was on even shift? And I'm like, No, no, no, I don't. Like, I feel like I have PTSD from it because Yeah, because I mean it was just such like when he would walk out the door, I'd feel sick at my stomach. Because I just I knew how unhappy he was, and I just hated him having to go into work. Now, when he goes on shift at the fire station, like I miss him, but I I don't even have a sick feeling in my stomach, and he's literally going to run and burn in buildings and save people's lives, and I don't even have that feeling now. And I think it's just when you see your spouse be so happy and so fulfilled in a career. I don't think your career is your identity, and I don't think a firewife is my identity, but I think watching your spouse fulfill what they're supposed to do, what they feel like God has placed on their life where they feel happy, where they feel needed, is just opens doors that you didn't even know needed opening. And that's like why we both say we were in wearing rose-colored glasses because we didn't even know what we were doing at the paper mill versus now, and we're like, oh wow, this is so much better. So that's just how I feel. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you make a lot of really good points. I think it's hard. So you kind of remind me, I I met a mom once who had twins first and then a single baby.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I asked her, like, how are things going? And she was like, I don't know what people complain about. This is fine.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. And it almost sounds like that, but the truth is like not everybody has twins first. Right. Right. So for you, it seems awesome in that way. But for families who aren't used to something harder or worse, it can still be challenging.
SPEAKER_03It is. It is. And I never want to downplay that. And I always try to understand people's feelings when they hate the job, when they hate the schedule, when they hate the life of it. I try to empathize with them and say, yeah, it does suck. Yeah, this part sucks. Yeah, I don't like that. But then I just I I guess I'm just a positive person that tries to look for all of the good and everything. Because if I get negative, it makes it worse. And so I'm like, you know, this really stinks. But could be worse. It absolutely could be worse. Um, so I just I've learned to do that in the past few years. That with everything you're gonna have challenges, and there's gonna be good things and there's gonna be bad things, but if you look for the good, it outplays the bad any day of the week for us anyway.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for sure. I feel like a lot of social media sometimes uh really highlights the hard parts.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_01And I just I feel like those are small problems, right?
SPEAKER_03Yes. Social media, like I have followed some great firewaves and felt like yay, they they feel like I do. They love this, they their husband's happy, and then I follow some, and their husband hates the job, he can't wait to get out. They hate the job, but they've never done anything different. You know, maybe they married their husband after he was already a firefighter or something, and so they don't know any different. And I totally understand that, totally understand that we hope and pray he never gets to the point where he hates his job because he does love it, but I totally empathize with people and I understand it wholeheartedly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think I agree with you. I do, I do think there is a factor or a component of it of trying to stay positive. Yes, yeah, I think that helps so much. Yeah, like if you're not if you're looking for reasons to be miserable, you'll find them easy.
SPEAKER_03Oh, in anything you do when anything in life. This or anything else you do, yeah, you're gonna you're gonna find the bad. It's hard to find the good. Yeah, it's easy to find the bad in in anything you do. So I think once you find the good and you're you embrace it and you romanticize, this is a wonderful thing that we get to do. I think it makes it easier.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I remember one of my first guests had kind of talked about we are also performing a service to the community by supporting our spouses who are going to the firehouse and saving the community, right? Yeah. So it definitely it's a family thing. It's a it's a family sacrifice.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it it 100% is. And my husband is so good to recognize that and acknowledge that. And he thanks me for being so supportive. And he's like, you know, I could not do this without you. I could not be here without you. And you have made all the difference in the world by supporting me. And I just appreciate that so much because not around here. I mean, all of our fellow firewives are great supporters, but he knows that it's the same other places too, where you know, it's hard to be supportive. And some firefighters don't have that support, just like with any job. He was like, you know, you're okay, but my community needs me to be there as well. And you're doing a great service as well because you're letting me go, you know. And so we both recognize that out of each other. So I think that that makes it work as well.
SPEAKER_01Right. And you know that if you weren't okay and you weren't safe, he would have been there in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER_03Right, absolutely. And there were times that I needed him, like to get home or whatever, because we were in town, and so we don't live in town, and so I couldn't drive on the ice. And so he would leave the fire station for a couple hours, bring me and the kids home, do whatever we needed to do at home, get what we needed. And so he was like, you know, I'm there when you need me. And there have been times when things have happened and he's had to leave the fire station, and he's like, It's fine, nobody's upset. You still come first in my life. Yeah, my job is important, yeah. Other people are important, but you and the kids are still first. And so I don't ever feel like he puts the job before us, ever. We've never felt that way.
SPEAKER_01Well, I wonder if that's part of what contributes to some families or spouses who hate the job.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Maybe that's not always the case for everybody. So kudos to uh Corey, kudos to Corey for being able to do that and recognize that that's really important.
SPEAKER_03Right. Yeah, I think that makes a lot of difference. And and I'm not saying that that's the problem with a lot of firewives because it's just a whole there's so many factors that make this life hard, but he has made it so easy, like because he's he's from the get-go said if you don't support this, I won't do it. And he's still to this day, you know, whatever you want is what I'm gonna do, and I'll do whatever it is to make you happy, and I appreciate that you do support this. I could not do this without you, and so he he recognizes that, and so that makes me be like, Oh, you're welcome, you know. And so I'm like, don't do it, it's fine, you know. And so yeah, it's really funny.
SPEAKER_01Anything else that you would have liked to mention, anything that you thought I should have asked or would have liked to talk about?
SPEAKER_03I don't think so. I think that's all. I'm just appreciative to get to do this because just like homeschooling, I get asked to go and talk at things, and like I'm such a not people person, like I don't like that at all.
SPEAKER_01What are you talking about? Are you kidding? You've been so easy to talk to. Yeah, you're very prepared and and well spoken. You would do an amazing job.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Well, I've had to do it at a lot of homeschool things, and I hated it, and I was like, oh, if I can just get through this, I'll be okay. I'll just I'll I'll be okay, I won't do it again, and then it never fails. I have to do it again. Um, but it was the it it goes back to I want to be that person that I didn't have. And so if that means I have to talk in front of people and make myself uncomfortable, I can do that if it helps one person feel like, oh, I can do this, whether it's homeschooling, being a firewife, being a dance mom, whatever it is, I just want to feel like if I can help, then this is a little small part that I can help do if it changes somebody else's mindset. So yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I think that I have the same feeling with this with this podcast. Right. When my husband first kind of suggested the idea, I was like, I don't have anything to say that anybody wants to hear. Yeah, right. But giving people a platform has been really cool, and I think people have appreciated listening to other stories that are similar to theirs.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. And I've I've loved listening to your podcast, and it's it it gives you a different aspect, I guess, because I only hear the people that I'm around usually, you know. And so, I mean, I can see people on social media, but just getting to hear a 45-minute hour long conversation that you ask people, it's just been, oh wow, you know, they struggle with this or they don't struggle with this, and this is how they handle it, or whatever. It's just been really good to listen to as well. So I appreciate you doing that.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, thank you for saying that. I've been learning so much, and it's actually been a good reminder to me to, like we said, just kind of focus on the good side because it's it's really easy to become disillusioned and to be like, this sucks.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But really, it doesn't suck that much for the most part.
SPEAKER_03It really doesn't. There are bad things. Yeah. Um, but there's so much good in it. And I think if people just find that and run with that and help others to do the same, I think it just makes a world of difference. Absolutely. So if I can just help be that little if it just helps one person, it's worth it. So that's wonderful.
SPEAKER_01You're both helpers. Your husband is a firefighter. I know you're a firefighter as well, but you both want to help people. Yeah, absolutely. Which is amazing. My final question for you if you had to pick one book, podcast, show, movie that a must-watch for everybody, what would it be?
SPEAKER_03Related to being a firewall or no, no, it doesn't have to be.
SPEAKER_01Just like what's your what's your current favorite?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. That's hard. Um, so books I don't read much other than romancy love stories.
SPEAKER_00Said the educator.
SPEAKER_03I know. I used to read like self-help books, you know, how to do this and that. And now it's all romancy love stories, but so I don't, it's just there's so many options. Um, and I'm not a huge podcast person, but once I found yours, I listen to it and I listen to some some sermons or whatever, and I'll listen to homeschool and stuff occasionally. But that goes back to I don't have a whole lot of quietness, and so if I put my AirPods in and try to listen, they're like, Mom, mom, what do you listen to? What are you doing? So I just I just don't do it much. But movies, I'm not a big movie person either. But now, like if it's fire related, there's been so many on Instagram and a couple on TikTok that I follow that are positive and uplifting, and so I'll choose to follow them. And so I've been happy to see that. I can't even think of all the names. Well, yours, of course, on Instagram, and then Carrie On Fire Family um and hold the line at home. Carrie Rooney is another one. She's on Instagram and TikTok, and she homeschools her children as well. She has three kids, and I'm like, Oh, we connect. I feel that, and so I don't have a whole lot that I books or anything. Yeah, I'm just not that type of person much.
SPEAKER_01No, so like what's your entertainment?
SPEAKER_03Um well, I do I I do like to read. I I picked up reading last year a whole lot, and I read like 35 books last year and compared to the the one before that I had read, maybe yeah. So I did I have like that, but it's literally all Western romance stuff. Like that's all I love. I don't like anything else. And I there's been a few homeschool books I've really loved, but yeah, I just like to read romance stuff and we'll watch TV occasionally, but not much. Really? It's just not my thing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Wow, that's great.
SPEAKER_02Well, thank you so much for your time. This has been lovely. Yes, absolutely. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01Are you off to a dance now? Or what do you do?
SPEAKER_03We actually, so we're in summer session, so we had class today during the day. Uh-huh. And we just started back after being off a month and a half, and I did nothing the whole month. Like I enjoyed it. Yeah wholeheartedly. But we weren't danced today for four hours. So I was like, okay, well, we're back in it. But we get to do it together, my girls and I. And so we just I am thankful I get to be there with them as well during that. So yeah. No, no dance tonight. We're just home together before he goes on ship tomorrow.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's great. Well, enjoy your night together.
SPEAKER_03Yes, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01Thanks. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed being here as much as I did. If you have any questions for me or if you'd like to be interviewed, please reach out at the firewivespodcast at gmail.com. You can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook. Tune in next week for the next episode of Firewives.