Fire Wives
Join me as I chat with my fellow Fire Wives about what it's like to be married to a Firefighter. Every week, we’ll be talking about the good and the bad of being in the Fire Family, sharing funny stories, and highlighting the spouses that make it all possible.
Fire Wives
E25 Susan
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Can you see me now? I can. Hi.
SPEAKER_02I'm just gonna I set up my computer, but anyways, it doesn't, it's not working. So I'm just gonna do it on my phone.
SPEAKER_01Awesome. Not a problem at all. I was trying to log into that new program, and there's a new program that somebody told me about for podcasting. Okay. And it it says my computer's too old, it won't let me.
SPEAKER_02Well, and I think that's too bright. I think that's kind of how my laptop is. I love it and I don't want to get rid of it, but and I don't use my laptop very often, but I think it's the same thing. So thanks for your patience.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, please, thank you so much for being willing to meet with me. This is so nice.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I have never really thought of myself as a firewife, so to speak. And I can tell you later, but I stumbled onto yours for some other reasons. Okay. And so I'm glad that I found it. I I try to take walks when it's cool here, which is not very often in Dallas, but I like to listen to a podcast when I walk. So that's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. And where do you live?
SPEAKER_01I am in Massachusetts. I'm like in the suburb of Boston.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01Never been there.
SPEAKER_02It's a it's a place that we would love to, of course, visit in the fall, right? Um, but we haven't done it yet. But what it's on our list to do. We're in Dallas. I'm native, born and bred here in Texas. And so my husband's originally from Indiana. And it's Texas is great. Our family's here, but it's so friggin' hot right now. You know, we're over it. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What is it like in the fall in in Dallas?
SPEAKER_02We don't have a fall. We don't. It kind of goes from we don't get, you know, the crappy Bradford pears might turn a color, but we don't, we don't have a fall like you guys have. It kind of goes from really hot to, you know, cold. It doesn't get that cold. Not like not like you're cold. Right, right. But we don't, we don't really have a fall. We just it's just not, but that's okay.
SPEAKER_01I've always loved the heat. I think probably I would love it less if I didn't, if I had it all the time.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I'm used to it, but every year you're just like, I think the older you get, the more just like, God, it's just so hot, you know.
SPEAKER_01And yeah, yeah, we have like the random day like that here, but it's not, it's not every day. Usually, honestly, the weather here is pretty awesome.
SPEAKER_02That's awesome. But you have cold, cold winters, yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, we do, but we're prepared for it. Like I have the snow boots and the snow jackets and all that. So it's you get used to it. Just like you get used to the heat, you're prepared for it.
SPEAKER_02So it's whatever your body just accustoms to, yeah, for sure. Awesome.
SPEAKER_01So tell me a little bit about yourself.
SPEAKER_02Well, native Texan, like I said, my husband and I have been married for 28 years. We just celebrate our 28th anniversary in June. We have two amazing kids. I know you have a young one at home, which is I have two little ones. Yes, thank you. So great. Our oldest is 25. He's also a firefighter for the same city as my husband, Dallas. And he's been, he's been at this station as a rookie for about six months, but he's been on about two years because our guys here and gals are fire and paramedic. So they do paramedic school first, which is about 10 months, and then they go to fire school. Then they, you know, have certain write-outs that they have to do before they're at the station station. So he's been, you know, technically doing it really for about six, eight months. And he loves it. He's only gotten my oldest, has only gotten a few fires and he's hooked. You know, most of their calls here are medic calls. And so he's on the ambulance, you know, a lot, and that can beat you down. But he's like, Mom, if I just get a fire, I'm good. You know, I might be trash, but I'm good. So he does that. And then my youngest son is 22, and he is a pilot. He's finishing up his flight instructor hours in Oklahoma, and he's already been hired by Envoy. Wow. And as soon as he finishes those, hopefully February, he'll be off to training and we can start flying to Boston.
SPEAKER_01We'll be happy to have you. That's just which one of those, which of your kids, which of your kids' careers makes you more nervous? They're both nerve-wracking as a parent.
SPEAKER_02Right? You know, I think ignorance is bliss. I don't, I don't think about it. And and they're very good at not telling me certain things. Like the youngest, you know, he might mention something like, you know, the other day when we were doing, this has been a year or so ago, when we were doing stalls and, you know, we're racing toward towards the ground at however many miles per hour. I'm like, uh, don't tell me that. I don't need to know that. Just tell me you had a great day at school. Right. That's all I need to know. And then my oldest, he had a fire a couple weeks ago, and somebody had a helmet cam, you know, so they he was able to bring the video home. And I was like, you know what? I could have gone all day without seeing that. So I try not to think about it or really, and and they're really good, my husband's the same way, about just not giving me the details. I don't need to know, just like they don't know what I do every day at school, right? I don't need to know what they do on a daily basis.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah. It's scary to think about that way.
SPEAKER_02I know. I know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You said your husband's a firefighter as well. How long has he been a firefighter?
SPEAKER_0227 years in November. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So he got on right after you got married?
SPEAKER_02He did. He was, we both graduated, we met in college. We he graduated with a degree in landscape architecture and did that when we were married. He was a landscape designer. Great job, great benefits, you know. And a few months after we got married, he came to me and said, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to go to fire school. I said, okay. So we put him, it was just like three months, four months, I guess, fire school at the time. And he went through and luckily he got picked up and started working there right after fire school. So he's been there ever since. He's a captain and he loves it. He's a captain on a truck. And so they don't make as many runs, which is good, you know. And he loves it. He's we're getting to the age of talking about hanging up things and maybe going to our next stage of life, but he's not there yet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know, right.
SPEAKER_01And he so he's in Dallas, like in the city of Dallas. So does the heat not affect how many fires they get? I would have thought they'd get a lot.
SPEAKER_02It depends. You know, they go through, right? They go through cycles like everybody else. We it we are so dry right now that we're getting, you know, just some of those fires that light off on the side of the road and things like that. But yeah, they get a fair amount, and then they get a fair amount in the winter because people are trying to heat their homes with their ovens or different things like that, which I'm sure you guys have some of that.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02He's also, my husband is also part of the wildland team, and so they'll get deployed out. In fact, he's going to take one of his physical tests this next week. So he's eligible to go out because they're sending him out right now to different parts of Texas. Yeah. Yeah.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_02It's just too dry. Yeah. Yeah. But he likes it. He's happy when he's working. So, you know, I just let him do what he does.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's doing a wonderful thing.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So you mentioned you went to college together. What did you go to college for?
SPEAKER_02I have a degree in English, which is crazy. But I teach. I just started, I've had a little few ups and downs in my career, but this is my 18th year to teach, not consecutively, but my 18th year total to teach. Wow. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01So tell me a little bit about your your journey. So you grew up in Texas and Dallas.
SPEAKER_02We did. Grew up here, went to school here in West Texas. That's what where I'm at him. And we married here, everything. I was teaching when we got married and taught for a couple of years. We were a little bit older when we got married. So we kind of needed to start that family right away. I was 30 when I got married. And so you don't want to wait too long. So we started a family within a couple of years. And when the boys were little, I did quit because it was important for us, for one of us to be home with our boys. And so I did leave the classroom and take care of them until our youngest went to first grade. When he went to first grade, I went back to the classroom. And you know, that was a logistic kind of a nightmare with, I'm sure you know, you know, when he's on shift and I have to go to work, and they weren't at the same school that I was. They were all in different schools. So that sounds hard. It was hard. And luckily, where we live, I mentioned, you know, we're from here. We live three miles from my mom and dad.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_02And and we did that on purpose for the purpose of helping us out with our kids. And so when I went back to work and we're, you know, thinking, How is this? How are we going to do this? Because the boys didn't want to go to the school that I got a job in. And my parents stepped up when they were in first and fourth grade and said, We got it. And so when Eric would go to work, my parents are three miles from us. When Eric would go to the station in the morning, we would load up. I would meet my dad at a gas station about halfway. They would get in the dog, and both the boys would get in the car with him. He would drive them to their house. My mom had the full breakfast, like eggs, bacon, oatmeal, toast, juice, milk, everything laid out. The boys walked in, they ate, got their teeth brushed, and my parents got them to school. And then it happened on the way home. So I would still be at school. They would get to my mom and dad's house, and they and my dad would bring the dog and the boys back home every day. It was the greatest.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's that's incredible.
SPEAKER_02Yes. And I couldn't have done it without them. You know, and then it was funny because, like on the days that Eric was home, he would take the boys over to my mom and dad's house in the morning, and she would still have all the breakfast out for everybody. And they would all sit there and eat together, you know, and then they would get the boys to school. So we were very fortunate in that respect that that they had we had them to step in and pour into their lives and take care of them. And also, you know, it takes a village to raise your kids and to have their persuasion on my two boys was everything.
SPEAKER_01Right. Right. Because you can trust them. That's that's so important. Right. Yes. And you probably gave them a gift to be able to be close with your kids like that.
SPEAKER_02Well, and they're till this day, you know, my boys talk to my parents all the time. And it's important to us to have that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So so yeah, I taught for a while, and then actually when our youngest his senior year of high school, which was, I don't know, 2022, right? Soon after COVID, I was teaching high school at the time, and I was I was done. I was not any real particular reason. I was just done being in the classroom. I was could not manage other people's children anymore, and was I was just done. And so after many, many talks and many prayers, my husband said I could quit, and I did. I got my real estate license and figured out I'm not a good salesperson at all. You can't sell anything. I have a hard time like trying to call people and you know, hey, are you looking to buy a house? It's very uncomfortable for me, and it's just not, there are so many good salesmen out there, salesmen and women. It's just not, it's not me. It's just not me. And so, you know, I was home for about a year and I I tried to make it work, but it really didn't. And and then I saw on Facebook one day a girlfriend that I graduated high school with, she had she had a similar story. She taught for a year, she was in the classroom for a year, she left it for a lot of the same reasons, and she had just gotten a job with Southwest Airlines as a flight attendant. And I was like, hmm, you know, that that might be something that I could do. And my dad had had retired from American, so we always were flying and had the privileges and all the things.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02And so I applied at the ripe age of 55 and got an interview, and they had opened up their applications for four hours, and that was it. Wow. That was it. And 10,000 people applied in four hours. Yes. Oh my goodness. Like my computer kept crashing, and you know, like, oh my gosh, I have to get this in. And and I thought, okay, that's great. I've applied. They will never call me. I'm too old, right? I'm all the things, right?
SPEAKER_01I didn't mean that you were too old, but totally 10,000 people, yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_02But you're like, why? What are the odds? And I did get an email saying they wanted to interview me. And so I went to the interview. It was a couple of months later, like in March, and went to the interview. I think there were about 400 people at the interview, and they separated us and took us in, went and talked with this sweet young, you know, girl there, and went through the interview. And she's like, Okay, well, I'd like to go ahead and offer you a position if you're, you know, if you pass the drug test and all the other stipulations. Wow. Okay. And so anyway, long story short, I did, I did get chosen. I went through training, which was extremely difficult at my age. You know, yeah, it was it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
SPEAKER_01What did it what did you have to do?
SPEAKER_02Well, it was four weeks in a hotel, right? So I was away from my family, which was hard. 10-hour days, six days a week, and you had all these tests that you had to take, and you had to make a 90 or above, or you were kicked out.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02So, like the first I think it was day three of training, we had to say all of our public announcements, all the, you know, thank you for flying Southwest Airlines. If you look up here, we're gonna show you how to buckle your seatbelt and all the things. And you had to memorize all of that on day three. And if you hadn't done that, you were out. So it was just the like the amount of information they fed you, and it's all FAA required. So it's it's it's varied to the book and to the letter. And then you would take a test, and then the next day you would have 10 more hours, and it's a lot more than what people think, obviously. You know, the the service and the the passing out drinks was a maybe half of a day in four weeks. Right. Wow, everything else is safety related, you know, FAA regulations. And so, you know, you're stuck there with a bunch of people you don't know for four weeks, 10-hour days, and you get to know them very well. I met some amazing people that I still talk to. And it it was good, it was way outside of my comfort zone, but it was good. It was, you know, it it made my dad proud. But I I flew for about a year and I didn't honestly love being gone. You know, it was hard. And so after flying for about a year, a position opened up internally at Southwest for in-flight instructor. So an instructor to teach flight attendants. Okay. So I thought, okay, well, that would technically kind of get me out of the air, right? And maybe have a little bit more of a stable job or a stable schedule for me. And so I applied for that, did an interview, got that job, and so I moved over to in flight and was a trainer for about 10 months. And we, we, I think the number was we trained about 900 new flight attendants in that amount of time. Yeah. Yeah. So that was good. But again, it was it was 10-hour days with the candidates, plus it would always go over, right? And then you I had an hour drive on each end to get to the airport. So it was really long days. I was working maybe till 2 a.m. You know, and so my husband and I didn't see each other a lot. Anyway, I just thought, gosh, if I went back to the classroom, it's five days a week, 745 to 345. You know, it just a little bit more of a what I like to say. I I live well in structure. And the the the flying was not very structured for me.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_02So I'm a little more comfortable in in a box, so to speak.
SPEAKER_01It's not a box, it's just nice to, I mean, a lot of people do better with structure. Routine is it's it's really important. Like obviously, sometimes stepping out of your routine is good too, but it is. It it it helps in so many ways. And we see even with the firefighters, right? Like their their sleep schedule's off, everything is off, and it it can mess with your body. So I think it makes sense to me.
SPEAKER_02It does mess with your body, and I think when you're used to that, you know, I was so used to just having that routine, and it was it's easy. You just get up, you go do your job, you come home, you're good to go. With flying, you know, you're delayed, or the the flight has been canceled, or you're rerouted, or your three-day day trip turns into a four-day trip because of weather, or you know, there's all these variables that obviously you can't control, nobody can, but when you're used to having that structure, it's it's it can be a little unsettling, at least it was for me at my age. You know, had I been 22, it would have been fantastic, right? And it's a fantastic company to work for. I loved everything about it, still have very good friends there, but I do like being in my own bed every night.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You know, yeah. And I wonder if, I mean, you're a parent, right? And you've been a parent for so long that you you built that structure for your kids. It's hard to stop living that way. If you're younger or even older, but you don't have kids, I wonder if it would be easier to do that.
SPEAKER_02I think it would be easier. And I think it would be easier if you started out really young, where you don't have anything else to compare it to. Yeah. You know, if you had kids like my son's girlfriend, her mom has been flying for 30 years and she loves it. And that's just how they roll, you know, and that's fantastic. It's just not how we roll. And so, you know, I did it, it was great, stepped outside my comfort zone, never thought I would get a new career at 55. And now I'm back, and now I'm more settled, you know, as a teacher. Yeah, and what do you teach? I teach fifth grade reading. That's hard. They're babies. Yeah. I've spent a good part of my teaching years in sixth grade. Um, I taught sixth grade reading last year, but I've taught pre-kinder, which was that is a special person that can teach the littles. It is god God bless them because that is not my gig. Pre-kinder, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and twelfth.
SPEAKER_01Wow. Yeah. Quite the variety. So is it public school that you teach in? I am now in public school, yes. Okay. I'm curious. I recently was talking to somebody and they said that the the person I was speaking to was a public school teacher, and she said that she would never send her kids to public school. And I guess per her, that's a common most quote unquote public school teachers would never send their kids to public school. What are your thoughts on that? Agreed.
SPEAKER_02Now, both of my boys did graduate from public school. Well, I taught nine years in a private school here locally. I'm not saying that the private schools necessarily like better. It's it's right at the end of the day, it's a brick and mortar building filled with human beings.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02I think the the advantages of private school, in my opinion, you have smaller class sizes, which are more easily managed. A lot of times you have a little bit more authority, maybe if you have discipline issues, you do have a lot of parents that want. help so you have to factor those things in. Sometimes they can be too helpful because they're paying, right? Public school has become well, I know I can say for my boys, they both went to college and they were a little shell shocked. I don't I don't believe that the district that they attended really prepared them for college. Now my boys are smart they know what to do they know what's expected of them but they're not normal either in that respect. But they didn't really have to study hard in in high school. They kind of just did the bare minimum, right? Because most, well I shouldn't say most, a lot of the boys they were hanging out with were doing kind of the bare minimum. And they went to college and it was like whoa I I I've got to step it up a little bit and I've got to work a little bit harder than I did.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02Whereas I think in private school the expectation is higher and they can hold the expectation a little bit higher and kids are expected to meet that. Whereas in public school again my opinion the expectation may be there but the accountability is not.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01If that makes sense that's a lack it does do you think that's a lack of resources or what do you think why I think I know in the district that I'm in right now the resources are abundant.
SPEAKER_02They are there. The money is there the resources are there for kids that need it. The kids that need it don't always use the resources. And I think when you have a class of 26 and they all need something right you have a lot of IEPs and 504s. It's hard to meet all of those needs but you have to lower that expectation because you're really teaching to that somewhat lowest denominator because if you don't if you teach to the highest denominator in there you lose 75% of the class. Wow so you have to find right you have to find that middle ground whereas in a private school they can be a little bit more picky about who they allow in you know via test scores or entrance exams where you're most likely teaching to the highest denominator instead of the lowest that makes sense. Yeah yeah but homeschooling is a big thing here too. I don't know if it's there it's getting bigger since COVID.
SPEAKER_01It is getting bigger and and I have met more people recently who are doing it. I felt that it was probably because of a lack of resources in the public school systems. I work with kids and so I do talk to a lot of parents and they a lot of them are frustrated especially in particular areas where I like near where I live and work. And I had a mom who was a teacher there and she was like you know afraid for her safety every day. So I'm not saying I don't I went to public school so I don't have any experience with private school but I'm not saying private schools would be different but the public school system is is tricky and so I am meeting a lot more parents who are saying they want to homeschool.
SPEAKER_02Well what do you think of homeschooling I I I think your parents are right on and I and I do think that depending on the area I taught at a school for actually right you know the year of COVID. And I always say this and this is a terrible thing to say but always like praise God for COVID because I didn't have to go back. Wow and I was ready to quit in December and that is a big no no for a teacher at least here in Texas if you break your contract it's very difficult for another district to hire you and it was horrible it was horrible. This was a brand new school brand new beautiful school and great teachers they had to take the bathroom doors off the boys' bathrooms because they were destroying it and there were fights all the time and teachers were being assaulted. It was I I I will tell you I talked to my mom and dad every single day on the way to school still do. And I talked to them every single day that year and I cried almost every morning just I don't want to do this. This is not what I signed up to do. So I I get it right that depending on the area depending on the district depending on their funding and how they use the the the state's funds and things like that it it can be hit or miss. And and you do see more people homeschooling and I I mean I always tell my boys now like I will homeschool your kids if if it's between public school and and give them to me I will take care of them.
SPEAKER_01But that's coming from somebody who has so much experience as a teacher a lot of education I think if everybody were you know capable like you then sure homeschooling is great but most people aren't and even if you're educated but not in education right right like you don't know how to teach information. I like I just a funny example my dad has a my dad is a super smart guy and he has a PhD in engineering and we were not allowed to be bad at math. It was like not an option right you're good or you're bust right and so every physics was his favorite he wanted me to in college he was like take physics three so I can help you with it I'm like I don't need that you take it you teach it he was a college teacher right but but college is different and professor I should say and he would teach me calculus or whatever I was taking in high school and you know granted when it's your dad it's a little different. Right. But it was like what he would say like how do you not understand what I'm saying to you right and this is coming from a very highly educated man who taught college because he has experiences teaching but not with younger kids. And if you don't know what you're doing I do think it can be a a harm I guess you can you can take away from your child's education.
SPEAKER_02I agree. I agree with that I do and it is a it is you know I I don't think of myself of necessarily having a gift but I think it is a gift how to put in layman's terms whatever you need it is a gift right conveyed to these kids. And it's like I always said I taught math for years there's 14 ways to get to grandma's house right and it doesn't matter which way you choose as long as you get to grandma's house and you understand how you got to grandma's house you're golden and so you have to present those things in all those different varieties of ways and sometimes you know you have it sometimes another teacher has it last year when I taught sixth grade I had great kids I have really good kids I'm super blessed. But they would come to me like oh my gosh you know I I I don't understand what we're doing in math. And and math is different than when we grew up you know it's all word problems and ugh okay bring me your stuff and let's look at it. Let me see if I can help you. And so they would come and sit with me and I don't know what the teachers taught them. I can just see the problem I was like okay let's let's break it down this way. And so a good part of them once we broke it down my way, which is not the best way, but it's just my way of thinking God makes so much more sense now. So I think you know the advantage of maybe being in a public school and not homeschooling is you have different teachers that teach differently right but then the advantage of being at home school is you kind of have control over you know I don't know what they're exposed to what they're not exposed to. I don't know if that's good or bad. If you talk to my boys they said mom we had a we had a great everything was fine. We learned how to be with all sorts of people you know and and that's a good thing because that's real. I don't know I I just think it depends on your your family and what you feel comfortable.
SPEAKER_01Yeah yeah for sure yeah it's a tough I wonder if you'd be more shell shocked you said your kids were but to your point you could probably hold them to higher standards. That's it's so tricky.
SPEAKER_02It's hard it is very tricky because even you know kids that I taught in private school they're now of the age of they're getting married I'm you know being invited to a few weddings and things like that which is great. I love so sweet but you know sometimes you hear about some of them like you know they're raised in Christian school and then they go off the deep end once they get out and that's not all of them. That's you know just like anything you can have kids at home and do the best that you can and you send them away and they are like oh my gosh this is the best thing ever and right make really bad choices. I don't know I'm glad we're past that stage. Right you made it we made it we have two fabulous kids that that did really well so yeah it's a tough one parenting today is tough.
SPEAKER_01It really is it's really hard and you think about I mean truly social media has it's just it makes parenting a different game now like you can't protect them as much as you used to you there's no way I some of the things that my boys would come home and tell me it's just well and even when I taught high school some of the things that those sweet babies would share with me it's like please don't I I you know I don't need to know those things but for them to I don't know there's a lot of lost kids that just need boundaries they need someone to love on them and they just they just need those boundaries kids like boundaries they like to know how far to go and I really found that when I taught high school you know it it I had one of the rules I was a little nervous going into high school from teaching what I consider kind of littles and you know I have 18 year olds 17 and 18 year olds that are bigger than me and you know one of my rules was I don't want to hear you cussing.
SPEAKER_02I I get it I get that we all do everybody does whatever but I don't want to hear it. Not in the classroom and not in the classroom and I work really hard to establish those relationships and those boundaries with my with my kids and I still do. But it was funny because once they figured out that I love them and care for them and have boundaries for a reason you know they would be telling a story and they are dropping the F bomb and they'd be like oh my gosh I'm sorry Miss Moore oh you know or they would call each other out and they I didn't have a problem and I would have teachers come to me and say okay you have so and so his mouth is so filthy is he that bad in your class like he doesn't cuss in my class right but it takes work and it and it takes it takes them to know how far they can push you and that you love them no matter what and and that takes time you know but kids need that.
SPEAKER_01In my opinion kids need that I agree yeah if one of your sons were to come to you and say I want to be a teacher I would say no really don't do it.
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_01Do you regret doing it?
SPEAKER_02No no it's something that I I you know I I was I was born a long time ago and I remember doing your 1968 born a long time a long time ago back in the 60s right or they say they're one of those t-shirts I was born in the 1900s. I was also welcome um but you know one of the things Santa brought me was at the time a chalkboard and a box of chalk and that was like I'm telling you I'm 58 years old and that was the best one of the best Christmas presents because I always knew that's what I wanted to do. So it was very normal for me to go into that but it's changed so much and the demands and it's it's not really it's not really the kids they can be demanding depending like what we just discussed on your maybe your district or your school it's the other demands that are put on us that have have gotten it's it's overwhelming and teachers don't last like they did. I you know I'm I met a couple of pilots over the years they're like yeah my kids at school for in education they want to be elementary and I'm like okay what's their backup plan because I give them five years maybe five years and that's it and that's that's horrible because we need good teachers in the classroom we need people that love those kids and that are invested in those kids and it it there's too many other things that pull you away from that and we lose them you know it's sad.
SPEAKER_01Yeah that is really sad like what are what are all the kids gonna do right right but no I would not I would not if my boy said I wanted to teach I'd be like yeah no you need to find something else to do.
SPEAKER_02How did you feel when your son told you he wanted to be a firefighter well I was so when he graduated he graduated from the same university that that my husband and I graduated from and he got a degree in psychology so he was going to have to figure something out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah psych is is yeah we'll figure it out a bit later.
SPEAKER_02Right you're you're not gonna get a job in that not with the bachelors and it was kind of it was a hard time he couldn't find a job where he was in West Texas and my husband had heard that they were probably going to start hiring and so we our thinking was kind of a little bit manipulative right if he gets a job here then he comes home and he gets to be here close to us. And so we kind of planted the seed and let let it grow and it did and you know he came home he flew in to go to the the interview and and I took him and waited in the car for him and the whole bit and it just all really worked out and and like I said it was a little bit of a side thing for for Eric and I because we want to be close to our boys. Of course and to get him back here we were like okay we we've got one back here now I just need to hope to keep the other one too you know but you know I'm sure like you it's it the the job has served us well. It's a good job you know they have good benefits.
SPEAKER_01I don't know about your husband if they have a good pension they do I think I mean I think comparing to other fire departments yes I'm not but I don't know with other states but they do I think once you hit your 32 years or whatever it is it's like 80%. Right. Yeah they do have good benefits but they also my my two cents is that no firefighter has ever been paid enough.
SPEAKER_02Right well yeah absolutely right absolutely absolutely and I agree with you but my his like my oldest I I think again this is me being his mom we encourage both of our boys go do whatever it is that you need to do right whatever that is and so we've encouraged him you know stay at the fire department five or six years get all the experience as a medic in the in in that city you're gonna be miles above a lot of other medics in the surrounding cities right and he's always been very interested in medicine then go get your BS in you know go he loves flying he he started on his pilot's license go be a flight medic. Go be a PA go do something that serves you well right but maybe you're not necessarily fighting fires or having the you know being woke up all night and up all night and all of those things maybe have a little bit more stability I don't know and he thinks about that. I mean it's not out of the question for him he loves medicine he I think he would go further in it but right now he's just trying to kind of get his feet wet and figure things out and and just do the best he can to what he's doing right now.
SPEAKER_01That's wonderful.
SPEAKER_02Yeah it's it's it is tricky in 2026 to be a provider but and I would think so especially like what you're saying I mean I can I can chat is my BFF right totally chat can tell me me too I knew anything that's wrong with I mean he tells me all the time I'm a great person. And so you know if I come to you and you tell me I'm not a great person I'm not no but I can imagine and I think that's with those service type industries right you know like what you're saying and in in the position that I'm in as you do have same thing. I would never go tell a mechanic then that's a great analogy yeah this is what's wrong with my car and I think you should fix it like this. We would never do that. But whatever reason we feel entitled to speak our mind at for healthcare education somebody needs to tell I got a I got an email the other day from a parent who wanted to make sure I was following their kids IEP okay of course what did you think I was doing it's the state law you know what so okay but it yeah and I think that goes with anything right you're always gonna have there's gonna be 90% of great things that you love about your job and there's gonna be five percent yeah that bring you down and you know you either look at the 90% or you look at the five and I could see he's like I said he's doing great but I could see him doing a little bit more. More yeah in my vision in my mom vision head it's like he's good there and and I know you know he's he is where he needs to be but I think later on I could see him just doing something a little bit different.
SPEAKER_01Yeah and I think firefighting can be can can sort of be like a young person's game. So maybe in a few years he'll be more ready for that.
SPEAKER_02I think so I think so he loves the medic part too but he really likes the fire part.
SPEAKER_01Yeah they all do what's been your what's been the best part of being a firewife for you and why did you say you don't consider yourself a firewife I don't know I just I I think for for my husband and I we're not I've never been our work has never been a big identity for either one of us.
SPEAKER_02Right I like to think of myself as not the typical teacher like I would like to think that if you saw me in public you wouldn't assume that I'm a teacher by my dress you know where sometimes you can see certain people you're like yeah she teaches kindergarten well really I would never ever guess that was a mistake start paying attention okay you will you will you will and I don't want I want to be me right and and Eric is the same way he loves his job he's very proud of his job he works hard at his job but it's just it's not been part of of our identity I guess and we were never the family like we went to the station when we needed to go to the station Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever but it's you know we have to make a point to go to the station we live probably I mean we live in a suburb of Dallas so you know if I went to the station right now it would take me 30 minutes to get there. So it has to be intentional. But we didn't hang out on the weekends with his crew and his wives. I didn't hang out with a bunch of other you know women that are married to firefighter it just for whatever reason it never really happened and in and until our oldest got on we were at a St. Patrick's Day gig and it was all outside they have the pipe and drum it's fantastic it's it's really meant for fire department of any department but especially Dallas and some of his rookie friends were just kind of cornered me and were like I need you to talk to my girlfriend. I need you to talk to my wife how did you handle this and they don't get this and they get jealous if I you know call your son and we talk about runs and they want to know all this stuff. And I mean it was like overwhelming and and that's why we kind of started you know I had shared with you that little fire circle around here with a couple of other women you know that I know them and their husbands because we're like I never felt like even though I know there are resources Out there. I never knew who to call when the boys were young and I was home alone. I never thought of a support group. I know they have them for the guys. And I think it's very well publicized for the guys. But if you don't communicate well with your husband as a wife, you're not going to know those resources are available. Right. You know, and so we, me, I kind of had the idea based on that St. Patrick's Day and called two other girls that I know, known for a long time, and their husbands are both. One, one of the girls, her husband's a battalion chief, and the other one, her husband is a captain. Actually, my son's captain, to kind of get together and try to form a group that if women wanted to reach out and say, hey, I'm having some issues, or how did you deal with this when your kids were little or whatever, that maybe we could just be a shoulder, just an ear to listen to. We're not counselors, but we've lived through it. And so we've kind of tried to get that off the ground. But that's when I started into and that to come back to your question, that's when I started thinking I was a firewife, right? I had never considered myself until my son's rookie buddies were like, you have to talk to my girlfriend. You know, she's driving me crazy because she doesn't get it and I don't want to rehash everything the next day. And how did you handle it with your husband and all these other things? And like, okay, maybe there's a need out there. And that's when I stumbled onto you as well, that maybe there is a need out there for younger women going through this with young children and trying to navigate when their husband comes home and he's spent, you know, and he doesn't want to talk to you, and it's not personal. He just he doesn't have the bandwidth to have a conversation with you right now, you know, and you can't take it personally. But it's tough, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, just to bounce off of what you're saying, that's why I did this because to going back to what you were saying about not considering yourself a firewife. I also never saw myself that way. And I think it's because, you know, we have full careers and full lives, which is a good thing, not to say it's not a full life if you see yourself as a firewife. Right. But I want to hear your story. I want to hear about the spouse, wife, husband, whatever. I want to hear that because you can get labeled as a fire spouse, even if you don't even see yourself that way, right? And so that's why I like this because I get to talk to the spouse and just hear what how they got here, what their life has been like, the good, the bad, you know. So that's yeah, I think you're doing a fantastic job.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, like I said, that's why I found you. And I think that's probably why I never really had any, I don't know, not necessarily interest, but it just wasn't a need that I needed to be filled before that, because you know, we're empty nesters now, we're we're dating again, we're having so much fun, we're doing all these great things together, and it's fantastic. And I just don't think about it. And now with with Jake and his buddies, I was like, okay, and even you know, my son's fiance, you know, she she's kind of going through some things, you know, he's gone and this and that, and she's here for she's not a native Texan, she is from another state, so she doesn't have family support right here. So we're trying to be that for her as well. And and I know it's hard. I mean, I get it, but it's very doable, you know, and I think so many people uh it can be concentrated, all the negativity around it, and there's a lot of good too, right? And it's a dangerous job, but gosh, going to the grocery store can be dangerous.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so true, right? Yeah, that's why you can't focus on it, you know, like anything can happen at any time.
SPEAKER_02So yes, yes, and I just pray that it doesn't, but if it does, hopefully God will give me the the strength to do whatever I need to do. And me worrying about any three of my boys, my husband and my two boys, it doesn't change anything. It it doesn't, it doesn't ensure that it's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01Right, it just takes away the joy, right? Right, yes, yes. It's a really great attitude about it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's what I try to it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I worry. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01Right, that's right. You can't live like that for sure. No, no. What did you love about being a firewife? You are a firewife. It doesn't mean it doesn't identify, it doesn't identify you. It's just one of the many pieces.
SPEAKER_02It is, you know, I do, I I mean, uh selfishly, I do love my 24 hours alone. I really do.
SPEAKER_01You love it more or less now that your boys are out of the house.
SPEAKER_02It took a minute to get accustomed to, honestly, but I love it. I do just I can come home from the end of the day and I don't have to talk to anybody. Now he'll call me two or three times after I get home because we talk 18 times a day, but that's fine. But I can, I don't know. I just like I like the the peace and solitude of just not having to talk to anyone, you know. Do you like it?
SPEAKER_01I definitely do. I have always been uh I've always thought of myself as a pretty independent person. Yeah. With kids, the only part that I don't like when he's gone truly is like the days that we both are working, and I'm working late, and I have to get to them wherever they may be, whoever's watching them for us, because like you said, it takes a village, and then I have to get them home and get them in bed, and they're late to sleep, so they're cranky and I'm hungry, and they're you know, that's the but all the other nights when we're home together, like me and the kids, it doesn't matter, it's just the the like one to two times a month that it's like the perfect storm, right? Those are my tough nights, right? But the rest I don't mind, I watch my own TV, I read my books, I sleep earlier, I sleep late. It doesn't really matter.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I love it. And when the boys, you know, it's it's hard for me to remember you saying that because my boys are grown. But one thing I did like when when he was at the station is especially if it was on a weekend and he was at work, I would say to the boys, Do you guys want to drag a bag tonight? And they would be like, Yes. And so they would drag a sleeping bag in my room. Oh, sleep in our room, my room together.
SPEAKER_01Right, but they're still not in your bed, which is kind of nice. That's really great. Great.
unknownI like that.
SPEAKER_02So it was nice. And then my, you know, but on the other hand, like like when they got older and my kids would vomit information to me, like they would come home and tell me about their day or what's happening or whatever. And it and and Eric would always laugh. He was like, they always vomit the information to you when I'm at work. Like, what deep conversations did you have with the boys tonight? I'm like, can't tell you they were deep conversations, you weren't here, you know. Just like we would always have these, or it seems like we would always have these really good talks when he was at the station and he kind of would sometimes feel left out. It's kind of a running joke now. But now that our oldest is on the fire department, he and my husband talk all the time. So, you know, growing up, he Jake and I always were together and talking, and that was just what we did. And now that he's grown and he's on the fire department, it's him and Eric, which I love. You know, so so Eric's getting that time with him now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. That's great.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I like that. It's nice to hear different, different experiences. That's really good. We made it through. Yeah. So you mentioned you started the support group for other women. What advice out of everything you've talked to them about, what's the one thing that you would say? I wish all fire spouses could hear this.
SPEAKER_02That's a hard one. You know, I think out of 27 years, I think you just have to learn to let them decompress when they come home. You can't bombard them the minute they walk in the door. And know that generally speaking, right? I can't speak for everybody, but probably their silence is not personal. Like, don't reflect it back on yourself. Just let them have 30 minutes, an hour to do whatever it is that they need to do. And then when they re-enter your world, they're gonna be better. And even like my husband will tell my son, because because Jake was having a little bit of a hard time with that transition. So Eric told him, the when you get off, you do not come home. You go straight to the gym. Go straight to the gym. And you have that time to yourself to transition so that when you come home, right, you are you. That's good. And so Jake has done that, and and he will tell you the days that I don't go to the gym because he's you know been up all night or whatever, most times he still will, but he's like, it's a little bit harder to transition back to to the real world.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he can feel the difference. Yes, he can feel the difference.
SPEAKER_02That's really good advice. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Cool.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Any funny stories, things that have happened while your husband has been away that you're like, of course, the furnace breaks or something like that.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know, I knew you were gonna ask that question. And I think everybody has that right, we've all had it. The car doesn't start, the storm comes and breaks a window. I was gonna tell you, so here's the thing that happened when he wasn't on shift. Okay. About oh gosh, 12 maybe it's been 12 or 13 years ago. He had been on shift and he was getting off the next morning. And since he was still at the station, my mom was gonna come and take my boys to school. And my dad and my brother had flown up there kind of close to you to go purchase a car, and so they were out of town. So my mom was gonna come over and get the boys, and it was whatever time it was, and she wasn't here. And so I I called her and she answered the phone. I said, Are you okay? You're not here. And she's like, I'm sick, I can't come get the boys. I've been vomiting all night.
SPEAKER_03Oh no.
SPEAKER_02I said, Okay, go lay down. Eric's on his way home. I'll have him come by. I'll get the boys to school. So I called him, hey, you need to go to mom's house to check on her. So he went by. We have a key. He checked on her. He called me, he said, I think she might have the flu. Yes, she was vomiting. You know, I brought her all the medication, et cetera, et cetera. I'll I let her sleep. I'm gonna go back over in a couple hours. So I don't know about your husband, but my husband is of the unless your arm has been severed off or you're holding your eyeball, you don't go. Yeah, you're fine. Eat a peppermint, get a drink of water, you're gonna be fine. And so he called me later that day at school and he said, I went to check on your mom. I need you to come home. We need to go to the hospital. I was like, okay, what happened? He said, I just need you to come home. Oh, geez. So I came home and we got her anyway. Long story short, she had had a brain aneurysm. She had a brain bleed.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_02Oh my goodness. And we went and got her, and we got her to the hospital. She started vomiting immediately when she got up because of the fluid and took her to the hospital, and she had lost time. She had thought that she had taken my boys to school that morning. But no.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna say she didn't come like that without calling you, but oh my goodness, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and we took her to the hospital. And luckily, with Eric's, you know, credentials, he kind of talked to the the nurse or whoever was working and said, Hey, something is really wrong with her. And you know, we can't let her sit in here in the waiting room for four hours. And they took her back and they thought she had meningitis because of how she was presenting. And so they took her back to do an MRI and he came back, he said, No, her, she's bleeding, her brain is bleeding, and care flight is already en route to transfer her to another hospital. And she had brain surgery the next morning. And so she's fine. I mean, she's 85 years old, you wouldn't know it ever happened. She has not lost any speech or she doesn't remember it. But had he had not been there, had he been at the stage, she would have died.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02Because my dad was gone. I was at I was at school, and I would have just assumed she had the flu, and nobody would have checked on her until I got off of school and she would have been dead.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02So I think that to me is thank God. What a blessing. Yeah. And he knew the symptoms or at least the wherewithal to say, This isn't right. This isn't right. Right. You know, we need to go to the hospital. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, I asked you for a funny story. That's not very funny.
SPEAKER_02Well, the good thing is she's still with us and she's still great.
SPEAKER_01Sorry. Yeah. I'm so glad she's okay. I'm so glad. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. That that's he saved her life. That's that's incredible. He did. He did. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Any um any other stories you'd want to share? Anything you wish I had asked? Any thoughts?
SPEAKER_02I don't, I don't, I it's been great. I mean, I really can't honestly, I I cannot complain. I would love, you know, I would love our fire circle to to grow like what you're doing, and that, you know, people, women or men too, know that they have a support system out there that I mean, we can't solve the problems, but maybe you could, you know, people just to let people know that there are other women that have the same trials and tribulations, and it'll all be okay, hopefully, right?
SPEAKER_01It feels better just knowing you're not alone, even if nothing changes, knowing that you're not the only person having that experience for sure.
SPEAKER_02Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But now I can't think of anything. Yeah. I've talked your ear off, is all I've known.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh, I love it. You've been lovely. I do have one more question. You're a teacher, you went to school for English. What's what's a book that you would recommend to everybody? It doesn't have to be five.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01What's like your number one book right now?
SPEAKER_02So I don't read nonfiction. I only read fiction. Me too. Right? I I'm on a have you ever read Wally Lamb? No. Okay. I he's a great storyteller. Wally Lamb. Yes. I'm on, I don't read things twice. I don't watch movies twice. I don't read books twice. Really? But I'm reading one of his books again.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_02He's a great author. He's a great storyteller. I love him. I love Alan Eskins, is a fantastic author. And then of course I love all the cruddy mystery, like Harlan Coben. He's a super easy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02What is her name? McFadden.
SPEAKER_01What she oh my gosh, Frieda McFadden. Yes. Turns out she's a Massachusetts doctor. Is she? Yeah, it came out recently, I guess. Yeah. She's um, I think her books are some of them are okay, and some are like a little, almost a little like child, not childish, but it's not like it doesn't take that much brain power.
SPEAKER_02They're super easy reads. Yeah. That's why I go, Wally Lamb, his can be a may I hate to use the word, but they some of them may be triggering. He just came out with a book called, I think like The River is Waiting or the something about the river. I read all the time. And it's it's the the beginning is a little bit, especially if you're a mom. I'm not gonna say it, but it's it can be a little bit like holy cow, he he really just went there. But the story is so beautifully written, and it's a story of redemption, and his characters are so well developed. Wow. He also wrote a book about Columbine back when it happened. In the he wrote it on the point of view of some teachers that were caught in Columbine and were hiding. Again, beautifully written, can be, I guess, triggering, but to me, he's one of the most fantastic authors out there because they're not easy, they're not super easy reads, like what you're saying. Right. You have to kind of at least put a little bit of effort into it.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes it's worth it though.
SPEAKER_02Yes. What about you? Do you have any good ones?
SPEAKER_01I do like to read a lot. I didn't I went through a little phase where I couldn't, just young kids, whatever, but I'm back to it now. There is a book that I absolutely loved that you might like called now, of course, I'm not gonna be able to able to think of it. The storied life of AJ Fickri. I don't remember the author's name. Okay. A colleague of mine recommended it. And the the plot is not like all that exciting. But the character development in that book was amazing. It felt like I was reading like the next sentence, it was like almost like my thought process was like they were a sentence ahead of my brain. It felt like I wrote the book, but I of course, you know. Right. So I loved it. I thought that was a really good one.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I'll have to look that up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's a there's a if you ever need a book recommendation, send me a message because I have a lot of them.
SPEAKER_01Awesome. I'll have to check out Wally Lamb. That's great.
SPEAKER_02He's great. I think, I think you would probably like him. Yeah, awesome. He's good. Yeah. Perfect. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Well, this was so lovely. Thank you so much. Thanks for meeting with me. Thank you. I appreciate what you're doing and everything. And lovely to talk to you. Anything you need, reach out and hopefully we'll be in touch again.
SPEAKER_02Sounds perfect. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Have a good night. You too.