*Mildly* Toxic Traits - #010

In this week's episode, we're exposing the "yellow flag" toxic traits we've diagnosed ourselves with. A lighthearted look at some things we prob need to work on and maybe you can relate?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Hi. Hi, welcome back. I hope you guys are having a wonderful Friday. Happy Fri, as they say.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Yuck. Yuck! What's up B? I feel like I haven't been here in a little bit. It feels so fresh and new. I just want to yap. What's up? Yap. What's been going on? Nothing much. Bare minimum. Just hanging in there, you know.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Last week we talked about our ideal day. Did you get to do any of that? Heavens no. No, it's been raining.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

I've been working. It's been raining. I haven't had a perfect day, ideal day, in a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

I was lucky enough to have two this weekend. Wow. Ideal. I'll run you through it if you want. Sure. So Saturday morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. Less than ideal, but it had to be done. And I ran a 10K with my best friend. I won first place in my age group. Okay. It was a very small race though, and I was the only one in my age group. A win's a win, though.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

I was gonna say a win's a win. It still counts.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

There was a one. Whenever they announced it, like the other groups are like, first place, second place. And they just said, and the winner is Alyssa. Overall. I was so embarrassed. You shouldn't be. That's a good accomplishment. That was my first time placing in a race. Good job. After that, we went to a coffee shop downtown, got a good little coffee. And then I came home. I laid in the sun and let the dogs play outside. What else? I I did some pottery. Very nice. I that's the first time I've I did it at home without my instructor. It went a little bit poor, but then I did it, I did it again yesterday, and it was actually pretty good. I'm excited. Excited about my pieces.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Yeah, you showed me a picture of the what was it? The iced coffee cup? The to-go mug. Oh no, no, yeah, no, you sent me a picture of like the actual mug, like the latte mug. And it was really good. I'm very proud for that, just being like you at home. I wasn't expecting it. Just sitting outside. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Throwing some clay, just getting into it. And then after that, we all went golfing, which was a kind of a vibe, but I got tired, so I quit after a couple holes.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

That was fun though. It was giving it Masters Weekend, right? This past weekend. So it was very appropriate. Yes. What are your thoughts on Rory back to back? I'm gonna be real. I didn't know that he won. I didn't even watch it. My guy Bryson did not make it. Love you though, Bryson. I love you, Bryson. No, I one goal in my life is to attend the masters. I want to so bad. I want to be in Augusta, Georgia with a pimento cheese sandwich and a little white, like you know, just a hint of imposter syndrome. Oh, more than. More than a hint. I am who's the imposter? It's me.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

There. It's not even a syndrome. It's just true.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

It's actually diagnosed. I am the imposter. But all of like, like there's so much money up there. And like, I have been on that, like my algorithm has been masters. And you didn't know Rory won? No. I've been seeing like the parties that are planned, like hosting and like the houses. So all of or not all of, but a lot of the people like in that neighborhood or like around Augusta, Georgia, like all the millionaire billionaires, like they rent out their homes and like give them to like different brands and things like that. And they make, I forgot how much they say they make, but like up to like not up to, but like a hundred thousand dollars for like a week. I'm like, huh? That's how the rich get richer. Like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

You can't even be like, well, I'm gonna get a house up. No.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

No, you can't. But it's just so, what's the word? Ritzy. No. Um, oh, I know what you're talking about. Prestigious. Prestigeus. Thank you. I'm not good with vocabulary, but it's so prestigious. And wow, I want to be a part of that one day. Maybe next year. No, maybe not, because I already signed up like last year. I had this same thought. I was like, I'm gonna get into the masters. Well, we're all gonna sign up. Yeah, we all needed to do it so we can possibly get in the pool. I need the oh wait, yeah, not y'all. Just us. Just our family. I need a better chance of getting into that that pool. But yeah, so that was actually one of my mediocre life updates, just masters chatting. So glad we got that cleared up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Yeah. So I don't know exactly who else was in it. I know Rory McRoy, Rice and DeSheen. Rory Macaroni, Scotty Scheffler, and someone with the last name Young.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

I was talking at work, and I have a really fun update. If you guys are into snack foods.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Mmm.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Mm-hmm. Intriguing, right? So dye free hot Cheetos are a thing. Did he did you get them? No. Sabrina said that they're really good though and they taste like it. Are the other ingredients still complete garbage rat? I'm not positive. But at least they don't have red dye. True. Yeah, so that's really fun. I do want to make a little trippy to the store. I'm so hungry right now. It sounds like that. That sounds so good.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

I want to do that after this, but that is such big back vibes. I can't just go to the store for hot Cheetos.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I know. It's like doesn't buy groceries while in Walmart, but I will buy snacks and hot Cheetos. Yeah. Any other life updates you have on your end?

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Um yes. I, in regards to what I was talking about a couple weeks ago with my the whole cancer situation, I actually had an appointment, I think like two weeks ago, or maybe like a week ago or something. And it was an MRI and just like a follow-up. Happy to report back. MRI was clear, and that was my last follow-up. I don't have to go back. Well, he said, it's a new doctor. He was young. I don't trust him all the way. Young doctors can, they know. I know. I'm just joking. But I had my doctor for like all those years, and then this new guy comes in and he's like, Yeah, I don't really see a reason you have to come back. Are you sure? I don't really feel right just leaving. That's it?

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Or you're breaking up with me?

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Yeah, that's what it felt like. Yeah. Like, bring back my doctor. You're not real.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

That's good though.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Praise the Lord. Yeah. That that came back.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Answer to prayer. And it was back at this doesn't mean anything to anyone, but it was back at the same place that I had my surgery to begin with.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

So it wasn't there before, like whenever you went back and got your six months. No, it was at a different location.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Oh, that's that's cool. Yeah. So I went back to the place that I had the initial initial surgery and like stuff beforehand where I got diagnosed. And it was a little bit triggering, TBH, but it was full circle.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Yeah. Dang. That was like it out with a belly. That was a God moment, like bringing it full circle though.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Yeah, because I'm like, why are we going to Weston? Like, I want to go back to my regular place. Yeah. And yeah, it was special because it was my last one. And it was that's where I had my first one, my diagnoses, my surgery. So yeah. Love. Glory to God. Glory to God.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Anything else on your end? Well, kind of switching things up here from that. Let's talk about the bike ride that I went on. Oh, yeah. So, you guys, my uncle, he invited me to go on a bike ride. Like he's been really Well, Todd, if you're listening, you are very wrong. Yeah. No, so he's been into like bike riding. Him and his family are doing like a big bike ride this summer. This summer. Which sounds, it's honestly like it's a fun idea. Like if you're into that. But I'm just, I don't, I guess I'm not, but I thought I was for a second. So I did agree to well, what I thought was gonna be a 10-mile bike.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

It's false advertising, is what it was.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

On his part. But so he knew it. Yeah. So he explained to me like that it was gonna be like about around 10 miles. We were gonna drive up to Claremont, and there's like this really pretty trail up there that connects like Claremont to Winter Gar. Yeah, Winter Garden, I think it is. I don't know if it's park or garden, but I'm pretty sure it's garden. So we got up there, we woke up early, got up there, got on this trail, and it was fun for like two seconds. And then if you guys have never been to Claremont, like it's a pretty hilly area. Like there are rolling hills in Claremont. And so I'm on this bike. I haven't ridden a bike also since probably like before high school. That's so not true. We have bikes at the house that you've ridden. Oh, I forgot about those. Don't tell dad I forgot about that. That was a Christmas gift. No, okay. So yes, I did. That's a lie. I have ridden a bike. Don't worry, guys. I caught her. It caught me in the act of lying. I've ridden a bike. So, but I I don't feel like I have like been like on a bike, just like not a trail bike.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Yeah, like never like a serious bike by any means.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Remember, we used to ride bikes in high school with Leah, like around the neighborhood? Yeah. That's what I remember the last PC. So, anyways, I'm making a long story long. Short story long, sorry. But I it was the hardest thing ever. I was having fun until about mile four or five. Like that's when it really started like getting weird. My face started swelling up a little bit. Like I couldn't breathe right. And also I had a little bit of anxiety because there were so many people. And I'm like, I don't, I don't want to ring this bell. I do not want to ring. Oh, to you had to? Yeah. To ask people to move? Yeah, I didn't.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Exactly. No, I did not. I just was like meow, like zooming around people. Like, I'm not, I'm not ringing the bell. But the ride ended up 26 miles when it was all said and done. And it was so hard. Like it was so hard. Like it was like, you know, whenever people go through like physical challenges and it's like mentally challenging for them, like they they come to come out stronger from it. And it was like a mental push, like, or whatever. Bro, that was that for me. That was that for me. Like that didn't even happen during the the marathon or half marathon.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Yeah, the half marathon was an absolute breeze to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

No, I would have rather ran this 26 miles than biked it. It was so hard. And I was like half a mile back from Uncle Todd and Blake. And like they were just like zooming and cruising. And I'm like, how in the world are they going this fast? And I'm like literally on the verge of tears, like panic attacking.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

You genuinely would have like tried to finagle an Uber.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Exactly. Like, where do you go? Like me calling Uber and try to do you have a bike ride? Like I don't even know where I am home. Take me home.

unknown 12:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

So, anyways, that was my long story about my 26-mile bike ride that I did. It's just really crazy. It was super crazy. And it like I almost fell asleep in the car on the way back. I felt sick. Everything was wrong. Like, I've never I felt very vulnerable afterwards. Like, it was just bad. But you know, I got to spend quality time with my cousin and my uncle, so I'm happy about that. How quality was it? You were 10 miles behind me. That's true. I was yelling to them, slow down! Wait from me, please. No. Anyways, that's pretty much all I have for life updates. Yeah, same. Today we are talking about our toxic traits.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

It's hard to believe that we would have any, but it's true. That's crazy. We're not perfect. I know everyone thinks that we are, but we are not.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

No, nobody thinks that, JK, guys. Yeah. Piss off. We're just kind of chatting about, and they're not like, okay, they're not like red flags, but they're just kind of traits that some of them might be. I don't know. Some of them are funny. I'll maybe think of a few, you know, serious ones, but I don't know if I'm willing to share those because they actually fixed you and a little bit of a red flag. No. But yeah, we're just gonna kind of chat through different traits that we have that we're like, mm, that's annoying. Do you want to kick us off?

SPEAKER_02 14:21

I'll let you see if I did the task correctly.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Did you do the assignment correctly? This one's funny, and I know that you can relate. So I'll start us off with this funny one. Harmonizing. Harmonizing, I'm saying in air quotes. Harmonizing with every song. And I'm saying that in air quotes because it's not a harmony, it's a mosquito buzzing in your ear. Is what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

I have gotten a compliment from my friend. I don't think you can actually sing, but like you can harmonize.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Oh. Oh like someone said that to you. I don't think you can actually sing.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

It wasn't like maliciously said like carry tune or whatever. You're decent at harmonizing.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

No, it drives me crazy. Like I I feel like I just like I don't know why I do it. I just want to harmonize so bad. I can't hit the note, the real notes, like I want to. That is actually exactly what it is. I can't hit those real notes, so I gotta go down a few notches or up a few notches. But it's just like the most annoy when me and Alyssa are singing in the car together, it has to be the most annoying sound.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Especially if the windows are down and like the people say someone's out checking their mail and we pass. It's like, yeah. It's like mosquito. Like hit around their heads.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yeah, they start swatting around their face. Like, what is that? The bugs, what's that buzzin' noise? Yeah, we I think I can carry a tune, but like I want to sing so bad.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

I know.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Dang.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

I'm gonna make my kids do singing lessons, so they don't have to carry this burden that I carry.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

I know. I want to so bad. Sometimes like I sing so hard that I start coughing in the car and I can't catch my breath. And it's like the singing is so bad. Oh heavens.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Heavens too bestie. Okay. My one of my toxic traits, and you can attest to this, I usually turn on a YouTube video to go to sleep too at night, but I don't watch any of it. I turn it on and I put my sleeping mask on and I go right to sleep. I just have to have something playing. But so I'll just keep playing the same YouTube video every night for two weeks until that person releases a new video and then I do the same thing. That's it. I haven't watched any of their videos in like a year.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

You don't even know what's going on. You just know the voice. I know the title. Yeah. Hey guys, what's up? Okay, my next one is reading into what someone says, then making a whole scenario in my head. That's 99% of the time not the case. I do that too, but sometimes it's true. Sometimes it do be it do be it do be the case. No, but like a lot of times it's not. Like I think it stems from insecurity. Like, I I don't know. I feel like sometimes I get so insecure, especially like after a conversation with someone, whether that is a stranger or like especially like an acquaintance. I feel like I leave and I'm like, I hated every minute of that. I think they hated me. Like I leave a lot of conversations thinking that people just hate me. That is so crazy. I know. And I'm like, I did too much, like I talked too much, I shared too much. I feel like other people can relate to this, but I relate in the opposite way.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

I leave functions or whatever. I'm like, screwed it up again. I didn't freaking talk. I was too quiet. They think I'm boring. Which I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Literally, yeah. You guys let us know in the comments what you think.

unknown 18:25

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

I'm just kidding. Don't blow us up like that. But yeah, so it's real. Insecurities are real.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

But yeah. One of my biggest insecurities is that I'm quiet. It can make me spiral. Dang.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

I wish I was a little bit more quiet. Not that I'm loud, but like I just feel like I overshare for the sake of a conversation. Do you know what I mean? I probably have done this multiple that multiple times on this podcast, but like I just feel like I overshare. And then people are like, girl, what are you? It's okay. You don't have to, you don't have to keep talking. You don't have to dive all. And then I get in the car and I'm like, oh my gosh. But yeah, a lot of times, like let us know in the comments if you hate us or not. No, a lot of times, like that's not the case. Like at all. And you know, I just need to be confident in myself, and not everybody hates me.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

Yeah, I put, well, I guess I didn't put it on there, but one of my things was like, oh yeah, I did. Assuming someone's tone through text. And it's kind of the same thing. I'm like, yes, oh, they didn't like do this or that. So they're mad at me.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

So yep. I screwed it up. Yeah. Actually, like I have a friend that like she knows the way I text. And she's like, What is that? Why aren't you putting an exclamation point? And I'm like, I'm not mad. I swear. It's just like I'm in a hurry. Like, so I pick up on that with people, like people pick up on that from you. Like sometimes if I'm texting someone a certain way, they'll be like, What's wrong? I'm like, nothing. I'm perfectly fine. I just don't feel like it needed an exclamation point.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Or if you put like a dot dot dot. Well, you never use any exclamation points with me. So whenever you do, like, who do you have the wrong number? Like, what are you doing? Acting like I'm some acquaintance.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yeah, I feel it's I don't know. I don't you I don't ever use punctuation really. I guess that's how you know I'm like super close to you. No shade, but I say that, but I don't text anybody else.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

I text about three different people.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Yeah. No, but um they don't text me back. I also think I I don't use any punctuation because at work, like hi!

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Congratulations on your engagement! Vengagement. Vengagement.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Exclamation point, like after every single sentence. And yeah, I just don't use them.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

But yeah, totally really as I don't do any exclamations in one of my friends, she knows who she is. Are you mad at me? Like, what would make like is there anything that I you could think of that I would be mad at you about? Like, why would why would I be mad at you?

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Because you're not excited to talk to me. Yeah. Okay. This toxic tree is so toxic. And I know that it's happened. It just happened about 10 minutes ago, but I make a short story long. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't get my thoughts, I can't gather my thoughts, and I have to give you every single detail. And then every detail within those details, and then ask you if you know what I'm talking about or if you remember. Or like it just doesn't end. Like I I can tell a story that's supposed to be ten minutes.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

I'll go on for like two hours, three hours.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

But I do make a long a s a short story long. And I do write short stories.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Just kidding. Like to take a look at my excerpts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

That was like my intrusive thought. It just came out.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Bedtime stories with Amber.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Anyways, what's your next toxic trait?

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Oh, you know, time, tale as old as time. Time as old as tale. If you want. You know how it be. Starting books, not finishing them. Oh. What does that say about me as a person? I don't follow through.

unknown 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

With a blessed thing. I can relate to that so bad. So much. But the books are boring.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Yeah, write better books. Write better books. That's not my fault. Yeah, no. I think it's just my reading and comprehension skills is the issue. I'm the same way. We already talked about that.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

I stopped trying to read books. That's my goal this year, is not to read any books.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Actually, I set a goal to not read 15 books this year. So far, so good. I'm on not reading five.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

After I couldn't finish the audiobook after the third time renewing, I just sent it back.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

You sent it back. You put yourself in timeout. You're done. Go ahead and log out for me. I was about to say. Okay. My next one is I think I've mentioned this before in the pause. In the post. In the post. In the on the pod. Getting on my phone during a show or a movie to look up the actors and like see where I know their face from because I'm really good with faces and not names. I'm like, oh, she looks so familiar. Where's she from? And then I get on IMBD, I get on Google, and I'm looking up where they're from.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

I usually refrain from doing that because I'll do that with shows or like reality shows that I'm watching and I want to look up something, but I forget that all the episodes are out. So then I spoil stuff for myself and then try to guess like myself.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

And these two are married and have a baby.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

No, that was had to be fake. That didn't happen. Yeah. No, that was just reality Steve. No, he didn't mean it. Reality Steve is always right, though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

So is it my turn?

SPEAKER_02 24:30

Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Sorry, I'm talking during yours, and so I keep forgetting. What is it? That's another toxic trait. Interrupting people. Oh, wait, it was just me. You go ahead. See, I just interrupted you there.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Certain things I okay. How do I say those? I like to just do things without necessarily reading instructions or looking up videos on how to. I just think that I know how. And then I end up ruining things.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Ruining is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

Like I assembled a whole like closet system in my closet by myself in my room. Didn't ask anybody. And then it the time came to drill the stuff into my wall. It's not in there, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:21

And I like completely didn't it crash down on you one day?

unknown 25:25

No.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Oh, I thought that's what happened.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

That was my other closet.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

That was my other closet system I installed.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Yeah, the bar came down and all my clothes fell on top of me. No, no, but it's not installed correctly, and then I had to ask my dad, and it couldn't be reversed, the damage.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

It couldn't be reversed.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

It's like it's like loose.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

What?

SPEAKER_02 25:52

The thing is like loose on my wall.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

It couldn't be reversed. Sounds so what does that sound like? It sounds so serious.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Final.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

What does that say about you?

SPEAKER_02 26:04

It says that I'm a doer. I go out and I chase my dreams. But you don't accomplish or finish those dreams. That's because I ruined them.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Okay, so it all it's all making sense. This is like a therapy session.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

No, but like whenever I help, you'll ask me to help you assemble like an IKEA thing. Because you're really good at it. Because I don't look at the instructions. I just know how things work.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

So you're gaslighting me.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

But then that one time we were doing your desk, and then we realized everything was opposite. We had to take everything apart.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Yeah. I'm the total opposite.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Yeah. And that bugs me.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Total opposite.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

You'll just sit and like read through this whole thing before you even buy anything. I started doing pottery the other day. I don't have anything that I need. No, I don't even know how to do it. I have to watch videos.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

I have to. I don't know what that is about me. Like, I just like everything, like I don't want to mess up. I think it like stems from like the want and desire to like just do everything right. Maybe that's first child syndrome. And maybe you just have second child syndrome. I just be doing and seeing what what sticks. What sticks? No, but like I just don't want to mess anything up. And so like before I'll make a purchase, some or it depends on what I'm trying to buy, but I always do like my research before that. If I get something, I'm reading through the directions at least once and then doing it again, like as I'm like reading it again as I'm doing it. Like I like watching tutorials on like doing things and like following those very closely. But it's also fear of messing up.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Well, I will sometimes look at a video. Like whenever I was running to hand embroider, I turned on an Instagram reel. I watched the first 10 seconds and I had it. And I turned it off. And then I had to keep watching it because I kept messing off. Oh my gosh. But I'll like I like to learn as I go because I I guess I'm not that patient when it comes to certain things. And I just want to get my hands on it. I want to start. Hmm. So yeah. I have a that's why I have a lot of unfinished projects because right now I have all this pottery that I did the other day and no way to finish it.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

That's true. Okay, so my next one is Okay, buying groceries for the girl. I think I'm gonna be that week. In parentheses, I have, but I'm never that girl. I've never been that girl. You're not that guy, pal. No, no, pal. Um yeah, so I buy groceries for the girl. I wish I was. What is she like? She's she's prepared for the week. She cooks every day of the week. She eats all her vegetables. Takes vitamins every morning.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

How many vegetables does she eat?

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Since you're so interested. Broccoli. Green beans. By the way. I'm not gonna get into that, never mind. But yeah, I I just want to like how am I ever gonna be a mother? You know how am I gonna take care of a family? Ground beef. You know what I ate today? A bowl of cereal. How how am I going to do it? I don't know. I gotta practice.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

My girl likes to eat cottage cheese in like for breakfast and have protein. I'll buy it and it just rocks.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

Oh, I thought you meant me. I was like, yeah, girl.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

No, my girl that I want to be.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Oh, yeah. I will eat the cottage cheese.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

I just don't. I will, like, every so often when I remember that I have it. Put that junk on anything. Cottage cheese or a carrot dipped in cottage cheese? Ew. It's really good. Ew. It's like really.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Don't say it. Does anyone here watch impractical jokers? Uh oh.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

I'm Tonka Jahari, but I would never.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Simon words.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Simon worth saying it because I don't know if anyone like knows who Tonka Jahari is. I feel like most people know Tonka. Really? Yes. It took me a while. I didn't see the episode.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

If you leave a comment down below. I don't know where.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Leave a comment anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Leave us a review and say that you know Tonka Jahari.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Anyways, I yeah. I would love to be the girl that just I just want to get my life together. I want to get it together. I want to go to the grocery store. I want to have groceries ordered on a Sunday. I say I'm doing a Sunday reset. I haven't done a Sunday reset since 1997. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

The day I was born. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Like, when have I ever reseted anything? Reset it. Sorry to correct you. No. I've through this podcast, I've realized that my vocabulary. Like what?

unknown 31:28

Reset it.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

I said that with the most sincerity. With the most sincere heart. I reset it. Anyways, yeah. Y girl don't buy groceries.

SPEAKER_02 31:40

I don't either. I was supposed to do like it's as simple as placing an online order to pick up from Walmart. Yeah. But I'm such a bum, I didn't even do that.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

No, what's next on your list?

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Let me see here. So I will have a very fruitful day, if you will. Like I'll just be outside, not on my phone, just living in the moment. Kind of. Yeah, as much as you can. And then I'll do scroll for about an hour, hour and a half before bed. And then it's just canceled out.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Yeah. I do agree that it does cancel it out. So that stinks.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Yeah. Trying to work on that. I still need to brick my phone. I forgot that I had it.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

That's terrible that you forgot that you had a brick when you're trying to use it. My next one is going to bed way too late and then complaining that I'm tired the next day. Like clockwork.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Yeah, it's such a simple concept. But like literally, if you go to sleep early, you're not tired in the morning. You can wake up. It's crazy. But I just be doing stuff at night. I'm on my phone, you know? I know. What's next one? If we ever find like a baby bird or like a little animal that was abandoned or whatever, I want to keep it. Naturally.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

As you should.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

As I should, but that's how you kill them. So we actually did find a little baby bird. I watched it get abandoned in real time because its foot was like a little warped, so it kept falling over. Poor baby. And I watched the parents like they're not watching this baby. And there's eagles flying around and hawks that will actually did swoop down and as we were standing there trying to get it. And then after a little bit, they just walked away with the other babies. They made sure that the other babies were with them and they walked away. It's like that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

That's terrible parenting.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

So, of course, I went and grabbed a box and I put it in there, brought it inside. My dad got mad at me, but we took it to like a wildlife thing. And I was really sad about it all day because I wanted to hang out with it and get to know it. I named it Lincoln. But yeah, that happens with everything. Like any little animal I find, I want to keep as a pet. I know. And it comes from a good place, but I know that in the end it's not good for them.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

My next toxic trait is Googling symptoms. When I'm not feeling well, or if I have the slightest little scratch or anything like that. Googling symptoms and then freaking out when I see the results on Google.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

See, I did that whenever I was wondering what that bump in my head was, and I figured it out before the doctors did. That's crazy. So I guess that's worst case scenario of what can happen.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

So I really don't like that. Yeah, but you know, it still ended up okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

It's so toxic though.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Like I I guess it depends on how you're coming at it.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Yeah. I want to be that girl that it's like, okay, if I think this is serious, I'm gonna go to the doctor. But I don't want to be a hypochondriac that just like like the other day, I have like this little itchy spot on my arm, and I thought it was like melanoma. Is that it?

SPEAKER_02 35:24

Melanoma?

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Yeah. I thought it was like the cancer from the sun.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

And I'm like, how all you have to do is go to the dermatologist and have a look at it. Yeah, for sure. Even if it is cancer.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

But I did, I went deeper. I asked, I went, I did some deeper research and asked chat. And they're like, yeah, that's most likely not. And I'm like, what is this spirit of fear? Like, what is that? I don't want it. It's not welcome. And I don't want to be that girl that always constantly googles everything and gets freaked out and convinced that I have this problem. I'm healthy. I'm okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

But my arm do be itching. And the other day you called a little bit tearful that your eye was itching. Oh gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

I was at the eye doctor's first time. Thought I was losing my eye, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

It's yellow. My eyeballs yellow. No, no.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

No, y'all. For real though, I was at work. I was like, man, my eye is itching. And what in the world? Looked in the mirror. Like, I thought I just had to, like, you know, clean out my contacts. Got my contact solution, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa. Huh? Took out my contact, immediately threw it away. I might have should have kept it in so I could drive correctly to Walmart. I was, I had my other contact in, so I was okay. But I had to go to Walmart anyway. And I called mom, and she's like, you need to go to the doctor. Just go to the doctor. I'm like, oh gosh, so it is serious. Because even I called dad before. He's like, I don't know, call mom. And so I called her. She's like, just go to the doctor and have them look at it. So I did, and I was at the eye doctor after work one day and I was embarrassed. I'm like, little does anyone know, like at work. Like I just like tearfully left and came to the eye doctor. My eye was okay. It was like really weird and it came from nowhere. I don't know what happened, like why it was so irritated. But yeah, another example. Last week my gums were messed up, and I thought that I had an issue there. You just had chemical burns. Well, yeah, I guess that was kind of an issue. But guys, don't gargle with peroxide if you don't dilute it correctly, okay? But yeah, that's just I appreciate any prayers for that.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Well, in regards to the spirit of fear, I'll share something that mom shared with me. And I don't know if I'll do it justice, but I had notes on it, but I lost those. So she was saying, like, as believers, we are a temple. And like in the olden days, temples had like many rooms that were occupied by like I don't know who. I don't know all the facts. Yeah. They're occupied by different people, whatever. And there was somebody in there that wasn't bringing glory to God, whatever. And Jesus told him to get out. Yeah. You're not welcome here. And just like, we are temples. And if there's anything occupying a room in us, we have the right to be like, get out.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

So that's what I started doing because I have fear with my my pet anxiety. Yeah. And I started doing that, and like it it has helped. That's something I need to do.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

My neighbors are gonna hear me, get out!

unknown 38:56

Get out!

SPEAKER_01 39:00

No, but I mean, yeah, I feel like there are so many little things that like you don't realize because I feel like I'm kind of a jokey person and I kind of just like brush things off. But then, like when it's all said and done and I'm at home by myself, like I'm terrified, you know? Like and I'm at home crying because I think I have mouth cancer because my gums are burned off. You did, you did mess up. I didn't mess up there. They were blood red, but like I just want to shake it.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

I don't want it, it's not welcome. Yeah, but yeah, I haven't slept good in a couple years. I'm just kidding. No, but the past like few months, I haven't been sleeping good because I'm worried that I'm gonna hear my dog have a seizure from the next room over. So just praying for that still.

unknown 39:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:53

Plots melatonin.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

What's your next toxic drink?

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Toxic, toxic. I switch tasks all the time, like every 10 minutes. Always doing something, buzzing around. Buzzing. That was my Saturday. Like I was outside, and my mom's like, Do you want to get the pottery wheel out? Like, yeah. I don't know what I was doing before that. Probably something I needed to do. Said something. And so I started doing pottery. Then I just I don't know, hopped around all over the place. Yeah. Meanwhile, my Sunday reset was not happening. Yeah. My room is trashed. That brings me to my other one, if I may. You may. I think this is my last one. But doing a full room reset clean up all my little surfaces, all the clothes everywhere. Do it all. And then the second I need to pick out an outfit, it's all undone. Yeah. Like my room can be clean one day and then look the exact same it was the next.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

It makes me so mad because it's like there was so much effort put into cleaning. Absolutely nobody to blame but my pig self. Yeah. I agree. My room right now is a little whack-a-doodle.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

And that's another thing. I'm like, how am I gonna like uh keep a home tip top shape? Tip top shape. Yeah. I agree. That's something I'm working through.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

Yeah, these are all works in progress. This is us, you know, airing it out.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Airing out our dirty laundry.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

What's the first step?

SPEAKER_02 41:42

Just kidding, I didn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

The first step is admitting. Exactly. I had to ask you because I I couldn't think of the word again. The vocab. Uh the stages of grief, though.

unknown 41:54

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

You might be right. I don't know. Well, I'm grieving. I guess you don't really have to admit that like you're grieving. No, that's a addiction.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

I'm sad. I'm admitting right now that I am sad.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

All right. My next toxic trait is unable to leave an awkward silence. Silent. My toxic trait is that I will.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

I just let it. I just let it turn. Yeah, and it's so heinous, and I know it is, but sometimes it's so bad. I just keep it going.

SPEAKER_01 42:34

Oh, all right. Well, see ya. This is awkward. This is a random thought. You know how I said I had that phone call today? Mm-hmm. I didn't. I have it tomorrow and I called her. I was like, hey, it's Amber.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Is now so a good time?

SPEAKER_01 42:49

And she's like, No. Um, my fiance's actually at the dentist. I thought I thought we moved it to tomorrow. I said, girl, what's today? And I definitely did move it to Tuesday. So today's Monday. We're recording this on a Monday and I messed up. But, anyways, that had nothing to do with anything. I just thought of that. So you're done with all of your toxicity? Yeah. Oh. I have a couple more. So I'll just kind of blow through these. This one's actually like toxic, disgusting, like just pack wrap vibes. Keeping perfectly sized Amazon boxes for gifts and Christmas wrapping throughout the entire year.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

I sometimes I try to, and then I'm like, eh, I'm throwing this crap away. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Isn't that crazy though? Like, I really boxes are expensive. I know. Gift boxes are expensive. But you have to have the proper storage to be able to do that. And I don't. So they're like just everywhere in my spare room. People are probably, are you moving? Huh. Been here five years in December.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Like, no. Just getting ready for the holidays. Honey, it's March.

unknown 43:59

But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Major pack rat vibes there, but I do be I do be packing and ratting sometimes. Me as well. Thrifting furniture and items I don't even need or have room for in my home is my next toxic trait. And kind of like piggybacking off of the pack rat vibes. I just see good things at the thrift store, and I'm like, well, maybe one day. Future home. Exactly. That is your thing. I got this for my future house. She's saying that because I told her that today. I did buy it.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

You do that every time you buy a piece. And then you give it away because you don't have room.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

I know. Katie, if you're listening, I kind of want that piece back that I gave you. I'll buy it. That's crazy. I know. No, I don't want it back. Yeah, but I do think about it every time I step foot in her house. I'm like, dang, that's pretty nice. But I got this English pine piece today. You guys, it's it is fabulous. So weird. No, but I did buy this fabulous piece today. Shout out, bless this mess in Dundee. I'm tired. But I got this English pine. What would you call that? Entryway? Not a sideboard. Entryway table. Yeah, like a sofa table, entryway table. I feel like there is a correct term that I don't know. Oh, it is so beautiful. It's everything I've dreamed of. It was an investment in a future home. Because, honey, the resale value on that. Only appreciates.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

That's what she was saying earlier to justify her preaching. It's only gonna appreciate.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Y'all, it's from Europe. But it's English. It's English pine. English pine. Okay, I was looking up up up a book comparable piece, and it was like $2,400. So I really it mine was a steal. It was theft, basically. Yeah. Anyways, so that is something very toxic toxic about me. Like if you look in my spare room, I I have two coffee tables right now in my house. I have I don't even know. I'm not even getting into it.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Well, something we both do is we both have clothes for our children already. Oh yeah. That I'm not even gonna shame myself about that. That's not toxic. No, that's not toxic. That's that's hoping for the future. That's that's having faith. Exactly. And I really hope I have a little girl. I guess the sun might be in a dress.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

No, I do I think I have a couple girl things and I have boy things as well. So I'm pretty set. But no, that's you have nothing you actually need. No, I don't buy things I need now. I buy for the future. That's actually a toxic trait in itself, is only thinking about what's ahead in the future. Like I wish I was more present and and right now. And buying groceries. Yeah. We'll start there. Like that's the most present thing that I need to do because I'm hungry and I need dinner tonight. But like, in all seriousness, I feel like it's so okay. I don't want to say it's toxic because I feel like having that hope for the future and like patiently waiting and waiting expectantly. Waiting expectantly, like is such a beautiful thing. And that's what I want to do.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

But I also feel like sometimes I'm like only focused on living in the future.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

Yeah. Like genuinely. Like, even like it it's in everything. If I'm getting, if I'm gonna getting rid of clothes, like and giving them to the care center, I'm like, well, no, like I'm gonna keep this piece because like this my future daughter can wear, and like this. My daughter's 13, she'll want to wear this. Exactly. She'll want this pair of Levi shorts, like exactly.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

And even down to just buying clothes. Yeah. I'll buy like something a little bit more pricey that's better quality, so I can pause it down to my kid.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

Lisa, literally. Did we talk about this? I feel like I feel like in our personal life. Yeah, that's what I mean. Because yes, I do the same thing, and I'm like, is this good? Is this bad? It's an heirloom piece. No, the my English pine piece is for sure an heirloom piece. My daughter will get that.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

My daughter-in-law. But like we have some of mom's clothes from the 90s, and I love them.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

I don't know. So my kids need to know that their mom had some good style. Mama's got you. Mama's got you right.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

All right. So oh. Okay. We didn't talk about this. I talked about this by myself because it's the next one on my list. Justifying buying expensive, nice quality things so I can pass them down to my daughter. Oh, what the heck? That's crazy. Okay, my next one is me in front of a camera. All around toxic vibes. No one wants to be a party. Getting pictures taken of me. Yeah. It's toxic.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

I'm a photographer. I do a lot of pictures, a lot of weddings. I feel like most people are happy with their stuff. Not Amber. Not her. I don't like taking your pictures.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

Nobody does.

unknown 49:53

No.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

And she's behind my back telling me which pictures to choose. I feel like no, don't take that one. I feel like you can edit it this way.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

Wait, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 50:05

Whenever I'm picking the pictures when I'm editing.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Oh. I just mean like And then you don't use any of them. Oh, my pictures. Wait, what are you talking about? Oh, I was just meaning like me asking someone to take photos of me. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, I lost the plot.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

I lost the plot. I take pictures of you and you don't like them. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 50:28

Well, yeah. That does happen. I I get behind or in front of the camera and I'm like, okay, can you please aim the camera this way? Aim it down more. Because if you don't do that, then my head looks long. If you do it too much, then my my legs look long. If you aim it, like we gotta get the the skews right, okay? And then we have to get like the whole ratio of the photo right. Like I feel like I take the best pictures of people, and then like I get my photos back, and it looks like skunk. But maybe it's what you're doing in the picture.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

It I think I think might be right. But I mean, but you get genuinely mad because you take a picture of me that I like, and then you okay, do you mind exactly like this? And I do. No, you don't, and you don't like it. No, like see, I take better stuff of you, no one takes anything good of me.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

Yeah, that's why I don't post on Instagram, if anyone was wondering.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

I'm not an iPhone. I don't take good iPhone pictures.

SPEAKER_01 51:28

No.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

I can take pictures of iPhone. I can take pictures.

SPEAKER_01 51:30

Like I love like the art of taking photos, but I also hate it at the same time. It's too much. The last two. Sorry guys, it's a little long. Saying I'll start tomorrow instead of starting right now. In parentheses, I actually never start, and that's the toxic part. No, I don't start.

SPEAKER_02 51:57

Start today. Start right now. What are you starting on? Like fitness mostly, mostly? I don't know. Everything. I'm starting. I started and then I stopped a little bit on my fitness.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

I was gonna say wait, what are we talking about now? We're just like starting and stopping things.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

I'm just I guess I'm not really stopping. I'm still going, but it's just not. It's more sporadic. Yeah, like once a month for me.

SPEAKER_01 52:23

No.

unknown 52:23

I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

I'm so hungry right now. I just want to be that person that like accomplishes something. And I know we were kind of talking about this with like the finishing things, but like if I start a workout plan, I've never fought, I never have fought, I said nevered. I never have followed through and like have seen results. I've never stuck to any kind of like dang, your stomach is growling. I'm sorry if you can hear that. But like I can't stick to things and like see the results. I want to be the person that starts and finishes. Like I want to accomplish. And I guess like with our half marathon, like I felt so accomplished after like I finished something. So that's why I do like running. Like you do like complete things. Yeah. But it's like I want to work on that. It's like start things and complete those tasks. And lastly, I change up my style and my personality way too much. Your personality. Personality, not mean not meaning like me as like a person, but like your like vibe. Yeah. I guess like my vibe that I'm feeling like who I want to be. Like personal stuff. Am I beach girl? Am I mountain girl? Am I ranch girl? Am I like whales girl? Don't know. Like whales girl, what is that?

SPEAKER_02 53:48

I don't know. I feel like you can be all of them. You don't have to be one thing. You can be everything.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

It goes back to like my rule follower and like the following directions, and everything has to be so precise with me.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

And like I can't just like let myself like you can go to the mountains, enjoy the mountains. I want to be like a snowboarder girl. But I don't know. You don't have two broken legs at all. I probably won't be doing that though. I'm not comfortable on the mountains.

SPEAKER_01 54:19

On the slopes. But like how do I know who I'm supposed to be?

SPEAKER_02 54:26

You just are who you are, though. You don't have to be like this specific thing. Amber the mountain girl. Oh, we can't invite Amber to the beach. She's a mountain girl. Yeah. I I like the beach. I like the mountains. Kind of not that much, but but thinking about like the future.

SPEAKER_01 54:50

I don't even know if it's the future. It's the now and the future, but thinking about it all stresses me out. There's something. Oh, baby names. That stresses me out. No, we're not going to get into that. But it stresses me out so bad, like thinking about different baby names and like what I want to name. And like that kind of has like nothing to do. But it's like, do I want this more like traditional baby name and like this personality? Or do I want to go to this personality and name, like, do I want to go to Beach Amber and name her this? Or do I want to go to Mountain Amber and name her that? Or go to more traditional Amber and name her this? I don't know who I am. I'm having an identity crisis.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

You'll have to wait until your baby's born and meet them before you name them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:35

And it's like I get on Pinterest. I'm like, okay, what do I want my home to look like? Like how, like, what's gonna inspire me? What do I want my home? And again, it's like, okay, do I want all of the neutrals, all of the soft tones, all of this? Or do I want like the bright color? Or how do I do a mix of that? Or do I want more cottage core? Do I want more like Scandinavian? Like, I don't know. And so I find myself like changing up my personality and like my styles, and then like spending all this money on like this one whatever style. And then pivoting and then like changing to something else a couple months later.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

I would just, which whatever. Take it or leave it. You've already taken it. But just buy things that you like. Yeah, I do. I try to do that. Like you don't have to have I just I don't understand. You don't have to have one. So there's literally no rules. It's your house. You can have a pine English pine thing with like bright flowers within, you know, reason.

SPEAKER_01 56:51

I don't know. I I feel like it's a trend though in my life where and like those are like surface level things, but I do feel like everything has to be like by these rules that I've made up for myself, and I don't know how to ease up on the reins.

SPEAKER_02 57:09

Yeah, I have certain rules like that too, but usually like with my style and my like my personal style altogether, I feel like it's pretty consistent. What I like, I like what I like, and I don't know. I'll wear anything. Yeah. It's I'll buy anything. Yeah, it just is. All my stuff is hand-me-down, so I just take stuff. So I guess maybe that's me being a second child.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

I don't know. Well, if you guys have any insight for me, let me know.

SPEAKER_02 57:39

If you know any good doctors. If you know any good therapists on the cheap.

SPEAKER_01 57:45

On the cheap. I that's all I have. So guys, pray for our toxic traits. Let us know if you guys have any. Yeah. I'd love to know. Maybe reflect on some things that you guys find in your life that you think, hey, maybe that's a little bit of a red flag. Maybe this is something I can work on. But yeah, always want to encourage you to reflect. Look in. Look within. Yes. Okay, that's enough of that.

SPEAKER_02 58:12

But yeah, we will see you guys next week. Don't forget to leave us a review. Rating. Five star rating would be very good. I have a challenge for you guys. If you're listening to this, I bet you guys don't know how to I bet you don't know how.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

I bet you don't know how to leave us a review. Five stars on Apple Podcasts. And yes, also, yeah, we're on Spotify Apple Podcasts. I don't know. Anyways, we're gonna go. Hi guys, we'll see you late.