Jonathan Musick: Weight Loss, Grief, Faith & Finding Purpose After Losing Everything

What happens when life strips everything away, but you still choose to rise?

In this powerful episode of The Hidden Story, Jonathan Music opens up about an extraordinary journey through grief, transformation, and resilience. After losing his father and mother to health issues and losing his brother to overdose, Jonathan found himself the last remaining member of his immediate family.

He shares how food became a coping mechanism, how compartmentalizing helped him survive, and what finally pushed him toward lasting change. From his weight loss journey to rebuilding his mindset, Jonathan discusses how faith, discipline, and purpose helped carry him through unimaginable pain.

We also explore how his growing community of followers gives him motivation, how inspiring others has become part of his healing, and why he refuses to let life pass him by.

This is an episode about loss, identity, perseverance, and discovering that purpose can still be built from pain.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the hidden story, a space for the conversations we don't usually have about life. I'm your host, Dr. Vasilia Binnenstock, and here we're going to explore real stories of resiliency and the moments that changes. Every life has a hidden story. Let's tell the stories that change everything. Hello, welcome to the hidden story with Dr. Vassilia Binnenstock. I'm so excited to welcome you today. Before we get started, just make sure that you are following me. Go over to my Instagram, Dr. Vasilia, that's dr.vasilia, where you can find my Substack, my journals for purchase on Amazon, and other really, really great resources, plus all of the other episodes of this podcast. Today we're going to be talking with Jonathan Music, and then we're going to be doing a few kind of user-submitted questions after that that I will answer. But first, let's get right into it. Jonathan, I'm so glad to welcome you here today. Thanks for joining me.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Thank you for having me. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Yeah. So I understand that you've been on a weight loss journey and that you've just been through a lot and trying to put some things back together and kind of find, you know, some some of your more purpose moving forward. But maybe you can just tell us a little bit more about yourself and how you got here.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah. So I uh, you know, I was very into fitness. I was a very big guy, and I've always wanted to be a boxer. I've always wanted to be like a personal trainer. And I noticed my life was going the wrong way. And um I um started to lose weight with a nutritional company and um started to fall in love with that nutritional company and the passion of like entrepreneurship with that. And um so I lost 105 pounds. I got to very, I was very fit, very, you know, was doing a lot more than I could ever could to. And um I was feeling good. I was 250 pounds. Uh my my highest at that current time was 405. Um, and so to get down to 250 and um to compete in boxing, to um be a personal trainer and uh help people achieve their goals was uh was a goal of my own. Like I've always wanted to do that, right? So um, and then I uh with this entrepreneurship or this um it's a multi-level marketing plan, right? And so um how hard you work is you know is what you get out of it. And so I was working really hard for a goal of mine to uh retire my father when he was already out of work and he was in struggling. So I was like, you know what, I really want to work really, really hard to give him what he's given me and just the sacrifice. And like I was working, not only was I doing the nutritional job, I was working as a personal trainer at Title Boxing Club. I was working overnight at Walmart as a produce person, and then during personal trainings plus leading um three fitness camps at uh in my local town. Um, there'd be days where I wasn't I wasn't literally sleeping for two days, and I would take a four-hour nap and redo it all over again. And um then he got very ill, he had a congested heart failure, um, went into a coma state. Um, I had to be the person to tell a doctor to pull life support. Um and so um I kind of lost my like mojo, my why, my passion, you know, not my passion, but my my flame that like just took me off because I'm uh in the multi-marketing levels, I was leaping um people and yeah, um, and so I just kind of fell off slowly. Um I still was helping people lose weight, and I was gaining weight a little bit here and there, but I was still, you know, being the personal trainer that I was and uh always wanted to be and stuff. Um roughly oh close to two years later, my brother. Um I didn't know my brother was hurting as much as I was, but um, he overdosed on uh on some drugs, and of course, you know, so but he didn't know what he was taking. Um and so kind of in the same situation where there wasn't enough oxygen to his brain. I had to tell uh my mother we didn't want to tell um the doctors at full. I had to be the man and tell them what they had to do, and um, so then it was just me and my mother, and then I just I just noticed I've like sacrificed a lot of time and effort, and I wanted to give my mom you know her her flowers as well, like her her time, like give her, she sacrificed a lot. Um so I mean she was already living with me, and so I was already being like a I wouldn't say like a uh care like caregiver or anything, but she's totally fine. She was just on disability, so she wasn't making a lot. So I was paying for the rent and the car payments and all that stuff. Um, and so there was part of me that was like, all right, I'm gonna keep on working, keep on doing this, get you know, give her her time and you know what she needs to do and stuff like that. And but at the same time, like I want to go find my own passions and stuff like that. And so I was at a heavier weight. I was I gained pretty much all my weight, plus more back, and said, you know, I just I can't do that. And so um at this current time, so I started the JHub channel, and the J Hub channel's been um my accountability partner to make sure, you know, I'm working out, I post videos, and of course COVID hit, good old COVID, and you know, I'll ruin that plan altogether because I was planning on traveling and doing all this other stuff, um, and taking her with me. Um and uh take my mother with me. And so once COVID came around, um, I had an opportunity to go uh go to Costa Rica, and so I gave my boxing coach, you know, two months worth of uh rent, and I was like, hey, I got two months, I need to get fit because there's some things I want to do, and I am too heavy to get on. So it's like, okay, so um, and then I just posted my first like boxing video of me just hitting a heavy bag, and uh it went uh when I went, uh it went viral. It went it went crazy viral because when I posted it within I think the first couple hours it was already over like 200,000 views. And then um, and then it went to uh I I think right now it's like sitting at 7 million or whatever uh views. Um, but that's not including that's in that's in uh Instagram with TikTok, it's like at like five and um on on different social media sites, it's a whole bunch more, but yeah, um as that was going off, um my mother's lung collapsed, and so we had to take her to the hospital. She couldn't breathe, she just like collapsed and took her to the hospital. Come to find out she had fluid building up around her lungs from uh lung cancer. Oh, and so was with her as I'm as my phone is lit. I literally had to turn off my uh notifications off on Instagram because it was just blowing up so much. And uh, I was getting messages from um other content creators, other like celebrities, and like, hey, I saw your video, love to work with you, love to find you out, yada, yada, yada. I was like, wish I could, but I kind of I'm here with my mom, you know. So um, so uh I had to pass up some opportunities to be with her, and then um uh um after roughly it was roughly a year, a little bit over a year, um she her cancer started spreading. Um I guess when you have lung cancer, it has a very good possibility to go to the brain.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

And uh I noticed uh starting like late July into August that there was there was a difference in my mother. And then uh come February of 2023, um we kind of just made the decision to do hospice. And um with hospice um at home, you know, not at the hospital. That's home, like there's the nurse doesn't stay there, you know the saying they're there for about 30 minutes, three to four times a week. And and so they're just there to make sure everything's you got your medicine, you got your everything's comfortable working comfortable on everything. Yep. And um, so I had to kind of take care of my mother to that point where she couldn't take care of herself, and um it's taken me some time to rebounce from that because that was just a whole whole experience itself, but um, I'm still happy, I'm still positive, you know. I still talk to God, and uh and yeah, that's just where we're at right now.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

It's just sad it's been so much, and yeah, it seems like every time you were getting your head above water, it like something else would hit. And I think that's like one of the hardest things is like not being able, you're just recovering from one thing and then something else happens. And it sounds a lot like your family um gave you so much purpose and meaning, like you were saying, like you know, that you could pull through and work those long hours and do it all because you knew you were doing it for them too. Um, and now that you don't have that, that's kind of where you're feeling like that lack of purpose coming from.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah, I would I would say I wouldn't say I would say yes and no. Like I saw a lot of purpose because people want to like friends and stuff like that want to see me um, you know, succeed. And um, but at the same time, um you know, my dad did a lot for me, like my mother did a lot for me, and there were like really strong whys, really strong reasons to push really, really hard. And I'm still pushing really, really hard, um, but it was a just a different of intensity.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

You know, yeah, I understand that. And it it seems like you have a really engaged like following online and they really root for you. Um, and like you said, that accountability piece. Like, how do you think that your audience has helped you get through all these things?

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Um, you know, they're they're my you know, they're my cheerleaders, you know. They, you know, a lot of them are there to root me on. There's some that, you know, are haters, but it's whatever. But everyone has um, yeah. Everybody, everybody got them, right? But uh majority of them are rooting me on and wanting me to succeed. They want to see, you know, the real JJ, you know what I'm saying? So um, and that's I that's my nickname every yeah for the day. Um, so um they've they've helped out a lot.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yeah. You say like the real JJ, you feel like you come through authentically? Is that something that's really important to you?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

I yeah, because I I think that's the most important thing is being authentic to to everybody. I mean, I'm I'm not on there like faking it. Like I'm not like there's some people that will be like, oh, you're only in there for like 10 seconds to make a little video clip. It's like, why would I do that? It I don't yeah, you know, Instagram doesn't pay me. I'd be waste, I'd be wasting my time.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Everyone thinks everyone thinks that that you get all all your videos are making millions of dollars and like they don't understand what is actually going on on on Instagram and that that's not happening.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Yeah, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

I know, I know. Um, so tell me a little more about your like fitness journey now.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Um so right now, um we, you know, um I'm readjusting my fitness journey. I just lost uh 32 pounds um and was in four weeks, and um that was that was amazing. Right now I'm kind of just kind of at a like a standstill where I'm still pushing, I'm still eating healthy, I'm not eating healthy, you know, I'm kind of you know teeter trotting. It's um the reason why is that because I have a couple opportunities and it's just kind of they're up in the air for that if they're gonna happen, if they're not gonna happen. And like for example, um, I can't, I don't know much details, but I got uh asked to get on to like a reality show or like weight loss. I don't know, you know, um, and not really sure what what that all entails. And they said, you know, first they said, you know, they would get get back with me within about a week. Now apparently the meeting's been pushed back for a couple more weeks, so it's just like not sure okay, not sure. And I mean, I you know, I'm not gonna just hold keep on holding off or anything. I didn't I didn't mean to hold off, I just was like, well, I don't want to like push push myself if I'm gonna be transitioning everything into a different state, and you know what I'm saying? I see.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Um, and so um, and then I got uh talked to about uh I think this is where I'm just gonna lean into more to is um be uh fighting on misfits. Um my um friends that like wraps hands and stuff like that. He has like a um managing company and he's like, we're thinking about like signing you and stuff like that, and we're talking about you getting on misfits and uh brand risk and uh so and so so uh so forth. And so I was like, okay, cool, that would be that'd be amazing. So um, so I'm just kind of up in the air right now.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Yeah, it's hard, like sometimes a lot of opportunities come in at once and they're not all like fleshed out yet and trying to figure out what to do and that, but there's always that like uncertain period, like before things kind of clear up and you realize what direction you're going in. You know, it's so common to have that.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

It's just it's kind of it's kind of rough because of um because I don't have any like cushion behind me, you know what I'm saying? I don't like you know, it's not if I can't be like, oh, if I make a mistake, like because I did, I have made a mistake where it like I was almost homeless because I, you know, there's one company who's like, hey, we're gonna take care of you, you do this, do this, you're gonna be taken care of. I followed it, I quit my job, you know, like it did everything that they wanted me to, and um they didn't follow through their part. And so um thank God my you know, my boxing coach was there to help me out for a little bit. But he has his own family, and um, you know, I can't keep on asking friends like, hey, can I borrow 40 bucks here or 50 bucks there, right? So um, and so that kind of put like a little scare on me as well as like, okay, I need if I make a decision, like right, like you have to be able to trust, yeah. Yeah, and the ducks have to be all in the row.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah, you have to be able to trust, like, you know, and there are so many companies that grow really fast and then they burn out really fast. And like, so being able to tell that they actually have the capacity to do what they say they're gonna do for you. Um, and then, you know, they're talking to people like that don't have a good lawyer to look over these contracts and hold them accountable, um, which is really what needs to happen, you know. And maybe you're speaking to something a little bigger, like in the creator community of like how many creators are just regular people who are getting these offers and contracts, and there's not substance behind it, or the company goes out of business, or it's not a good contract, and there's no way for them to know they don't have the resources to hire an attorney and uh and make sure that that's a good deal for them.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

No, I I totally agree to that. I think I think also though, too, is I think platforms should be paying creators no matter. I mean, like if you after if you're making uh enough, if you're getting enough views, yes. I mean I post I think last uh not last month, but like prior uh m months I've maybe posted like four times in a month. I still was like getting over a million views off of my off of my videos. I should be I in my in my perspective, I should be compensated for that.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Agreed. Yeah, you're you're the one bringing the viewers onto the app, um, just like a lot of other creators. Yeah, and you know, I know that Meta has the monetization, but it doesn't really TikTok pays pennies on a dollar.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

People don't realize they think you're just which I think it's like what after five or six views, you get like eight penny.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

It's like, come on now.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

I know, and I think just like regular people don't realize that, but yeah, it's like, you know, if it was television, you know, it's the talent bringing the people to watch the network. It's the same thing here. You're the talent essentially bringing the people on. Um, so yeah, I completely agree with that. And with creators being compensated like that for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Um, yeah. So, you know, you were talking earlier about like these hard decisions that you had to make with your family or not knowing stuff about like what your brother was going through, like the extent of it. Um, how did you cope with having to make those decisions? I mean, that is so much for one person to not only have to lose a family member, but to make those medical decisions decisions for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

I mean it's hard to like answer because to you just kind of get numb to it. You know what I'm saying? Like it and then it's not really I I just went to work, you know what I'm saying? Like it happened, and I was like, I gotta get my mind off of this, and I just went back to work and um picked up overtime. Probably not the healthiest thing, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 18:25

And I don't know, maybe maybe it it at that time it's what she needed.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Maybe I you know I I know that like I took a couple at least a couple days off to I guess process everything, but still at the same time it was still so much because definitely after my brother passed, it was like it's me, it's me and my mom. And then I'm like, she's next, you know what I'm saying? Like yeah, yeah, and so that's that's the preparation of like up until that time frame of from 200 um 18, 19, 2000, yeah, right, right there in that cusp. And um and then her passing away in like in 2023. I meant just preparing for the next five, four years, and just like I wasn't it I didn't want it happen, of course, but you know, it's like and just but I'm like once she I mean it's it's going to happen. I'm that I'm gonna be the last of the music. So what am I doing? You know, and so I think those kind of like little conversations is why like I went back to work because like I didn't have to think about that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

So absolutely. I mean, and there's a time and a place for all those kind of coping skills. I mean, what you're talking about is like compartmentalizing where you put things, you know, it's hard to face them, put them away, and we do feel kind of numb to them and just keep going and kind of try to focus on something else. And you know, there is a time and a place for that because sometimes like you have to just get through that period before everything can hit you. If it all hits you at once, then you wouldn't be able to be there for your mom. You wouldn't be able to do these things for yourself either. So um it's just a coping mechanism. It sounds like that's you know, what got you through it, you know, for better or for worse.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

I um yeah, that and um I hate to say this, you know, um uh food got me through it too. That's why I gained even more weight, you know. Um Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

I mean, that's how it is for a lot of people, you know, where um it's some kind of substance that, you know, it is comforting and it helps in that moment, you know, and um, but then of course like things catch up to us sometimes, but it's not something to judge, like it's something that just makes sense. Yeah, for sure. I think that story is really inspiring because I think there are a lot of people who have coped in those ways. You know, and they feel guilty about it and they don't have to.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

And I I think that's like as you like asked me before, like how my like my fathers have helped me is um I I've gotten a lot of messages where they're like, Because of you, dude, like I'm back to boxing, because of you, I'm like I'm starting to lose weight again because of you know, yeah, these little things. And um I think those those messages too like help me, like I'm I'm actually making an impact, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, how does it feel to see some of those messages come in?

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Oh, it I mean, it just cheers me up. It puts a puts a big smile on my face, you know, and it's like I just helped someone else, you know, right there. Like, hey, I'm literally it was just the other day um other day I was on live and I was talking about my story and stuff like that, and um and got off live and then I got you know, I was checking my messages and I'm checking my hidden messages as I. Like, hey man, I just saw you online. I just want to let you know. Like, I love your boxing story. I love, you know, I just I love you in general. And because of you, I'm like, I'm getting back in the ring. I'm gonna start come uh practicing tomorrow and yeah, you got it. So it's like it just puts a big smile on my face that I'm able to at least ignite ignite people's passions to better health and like better themselves and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah, I mean, I think when they see you show up just raw and say, like this is your story, and um you are at all different points in that journey being really fit, you know, and then using food to cope and not being where you want to be, and then um, you know, getting back to where you want to be that people see like that is normal, you know, that we're not always at this certain standard. I think you see a lot of like fitness influencers that are like this image of perfection, you know, I only eat this, I never slip, you know, and it's like it's something that most people can't do. And I'm sure some of those influencers aren't even doing themselves. Um, and it's discouraging, you know. But when you see a real person that's like, hey, I've been up, I've been down, uh, you know, I'm I'm back up, and they understand that like these kinds of ups and downs, and like you said, kind of um gaining momentum and then plateauing that these things are just like a normal part of life, and that's how like normal regular people can meet their goals.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Right, yeah, no, I I totally agree with you with some of these um influencers that are like that you know, they don't even follow some of the stuff they're doing. Um, and it's just the the secret sauce and stuff like that, you know. It's like no, bro. And um, there are a few, and I but I like is that there's more content creators that are that are in that fitness realm that um are like no, like you can I indulge in you know yeah in in in this and that. I just take accountability of like, okay, well, if I'm gonna do this, then understand that it's gonna affect my macros or whatever plant plan it is, right? Like you just you take that little that little nick, and okay, tomorrow we just back on the game plan, you know, kind of idea. And I love that.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

And so um, I'm really happy that there are more creators that are being more realistic, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 24:24

So realistic, like for for real life, yeah, because I follow some you know, fitness and health creators as well, and you know, I've had some goals for my own health, things like that. And you know, there are the ones that are like, yeah, you've counted your macros all week, but you know, that one guacamole you had on Saturday ruined your whole week. You know, there are those people, and then there are the ones that are like, hey, you know, I've got my fun foods, it's not that big a deal. Um, it's not, you know, think about in the realm of a whole year, you know, how many times you ate foods that are like not good, you know, whatever. How much is that really affecting anything? You know, you have to like be happy and live your life, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:03

No, 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

So tell me a little more about your brother. Um, what was going on with him that you said he was just in a lot more pain than you realized?

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Um, so um my brother, my my brother was he was an older brother. Um, and so he was a firstborn. Um, and my my brother and my dad had this just special connection. Um you know, um I think I think all firstborn fathers, uh, you know, firstborn sons and fathers have that kind of, you know. Um and I didn't know that just deep down he was like hurting because so my brother was my brother was how should I say um wasn't he wasn't wit religious, he was you know, he was he was more of a realist, you know, he was more of like, oh well, you know, that's that's what it is, you know what I'm saying? Like it just that's it. And so um of course, I mean he had to be you know sad about um my dad, but I I honestly thought he got over it faster than I did, you know what I'm saying? And so um he um so he apparently based off what uh uh his roommate was telling me is that like he just he got to a point where uh he was parting a lot more and heavier um after my dad. And my brother was very smart. He's um he's the person that could look at something and be like and figure the way um around it, you know what I'm saying? So just for example, uh he uh not to like float about this and nothing, but I yeah, it's ingenious. I don't know how he made it work, but apparently he found a way where um so he he he took a whole bunch of loans out, right? But he took a whole bunch of loans out into a different state, and for some reason, if you get a loan from a different state, legally you don't have to pay it back. Oh and so this is news so uh um but I mean that's what it like he he he would find he would find in between the lines like you he and he would be able to make those things kind of work. Um he was resourceful, yeah. Very, very um, and I mean I I always thought he would be the one that would have like a multi-million dollar like business industry. He was just brilliant. Um so um, but apparently he was just going out and he did the he would do a lot of like rock star concoctions with a lot of um alcohol, a lot of up and downers, and um and so um he took what they call um well how it was explained to me by the doctor, he took it's called a um Mexico pill, and it because it's from the cartel, and pretty much it's a um they say it's like a 15 milligram like Percocet or something to that sort, um, but it's actually like fentanyl.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

And and so apparently it was enough fentanyl to put down an elephant, and so um they were surprised that he was even the brain function that he even had was even there from so um anyways, apparently that was he just took the wrong the wrong thing, and yeah, it's tragic, and you know that's what's so dangerous these days is like that fentanyl is in everything you can't get around it, and so many people think they're taking something like a real prescription, um, and it's not it's fentanyl, it's all way it's always with fentanyl now. It takes so little to kill someone, and then it takes away that chance for people because so many people do get sober, they do get past those hard periods, they do have a good life, and you see it around this country every day that fentanyl like takes away that chance.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

And it it it sucks, it sucks because it's like why, you know, like why why would you why would you even like make a pill that would just like oh I'm just gonna Yeah kill you know kill my buyers, you know, distributing the way you know like I don't know it it is an interesting question, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Because you would think that they want to keep selling to people. Yeah, why are you making something that potent? And I don't know the answers to that, but it's a ta it's just like an epidemic across this country now.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Yeah. Um I don't want to get too uh into that because it's like it becomes becomes real political and stuff like that for yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Well, I don't think there's a lot of people who know how to solve that problem right now. Um, who've been in a war against drugs for a long time and not really winning, you know. But I personally think it's like purpose in life and access to mental health care that, you know, is something we can do to at least prevent some of those things. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't have that.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

So for you, what is it that has kept you um being more positive, kept you on this path of purposefulness despite everything?

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Um so I would say I'm still like wanting to do follow my like passions and stuff like that. I want to find my passions, and um, and of course I I talked to God and um getting close to him, and um, but something that like just motivates me is like I s I want to go skydiving, I want to go buddy jumping, I wanna I've gone ghost hunting and that's that was that was interesting, and I and then I I want to do it again. I've done it multiple times actually, but um yeah, um and uh but you know other stuff too, like I've traveled, I've I've had the opportunity to go to Egypt um and Cancun. Um and I want to see more places like that. I want to experience different different cultures and um different just I want to see the world, you know, and um just that my current weight, it's not possible. You know, I'm I'm not saying it's not possible, it's very, very hard. It's a lot of hard, yeah. Um, and not only that too, like I um had plans for next year. This probably won't happen next year, probably happen the year after or the year after that um to ride a bike across America, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Oh god. That is so cool. You say, yeah, they're just you want to experience life, like you don't want to deny yourself those chances.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

You want to, there's things you want to do and see and feel, and yeah, especially seeing how fat how my brothers passed away, my mother and father, like they they were able to travel a little bit, but they didn't get to like travel, and you know, I I don't know, I just want to live my life before it's my time, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Sure. So yeah, I mean, and because none of us knows when that is, right? And yeah, you want to be able to do those things. I think that's amazing. I think that's a really great um reason for for doing this stuff, you know, for yourself, because you also deserve it and deserve to be able to have those really cool experiences. I feel like people are along on that journey with you.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

I and I want to take them with me. I wanna be like, hey, and so right now this the JHub channel's like about weight loss and boxing and stuff like that. But when I made it, it was the purpose of losing weight to do these things. Um, and so I can't wait to be able to, and every once in a while I get to, whenever I get to travel, I get to show them like, hey, I went to New York because I I did this commercial, or hey, I went to California because my my friend's having a um wedding or whatever it is. You know what I'm saying? Like, and or when I went to Egypt, I got to show you know all of like what I'm doing in Egypt and seeing the pyramids and so cool, uh riding you know, riding the camels and stuff. I want to do that. Um, but uh I want to take people with me and like, hey, this is this is what I'm doing, this is what I this is what I'm working for. And I think that's a that alone is uh like an encouragement to other people because I've I have um because of what I have done, I have people that I like personally know, like low, like locally with the school with, and they're like, man, because you like I I'm like I want to go to uh I'm I'm gonna go to Colorado. I've never been to Colorado. I'm I'm I'm I haven't left the state, I haven't left you know Kansas at all. And like, really? It's like yeah, because you I'm going to Colorado, and then I think next month I'm going to Utah. I was like, oh man, this is what's up. Like, and then other people too, like, you know, like because you, you, because you went to Egypt, I want to go. I'm planning to go to Egypt.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

I know, right? Yeah, now I want to go.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Exactly. So um and that was something that too was uh a good um should say, like, kept me motivated and kept you know keeps me happy. So I I I do watch a um a YouTube channel called TFIL and uh they pretty much just travel around the world um and do those kind of things and um I actually got to meet them. Um so it was cool. Um but uh I that's something that like during when my father and my brother passed away, that was something I like I could link to too to like keep me happy and smiling.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

So yeah, yeah. Those goals, and then seeing that other people maybe there's a goal they had and just maybe didn't think it was something they would ever do, and then saw you doing your thing and it inspired them. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. Well, the last question is like, what is um what do you want your audience to take away? Like, what is the message you want them to get from following you?

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Don't give up, like just keep keep going, just wait a little bit longer. Um because just there was a moment in my life where I literally just turned 30 and and I was just like at the moment in my life where I'm just like am I gonna like do anything with it? You know what I'm saying? Like I was you know, I was kind of just fed up and I was like, you know, I'm just done trying, I'm just gonna work my nine to five, be, you know, be mis you know day in, day out. Yeah, settle, yeah. And I was sitting in my car and it was raining, and I just and I was parked in front of my apartment, and um I was just sitting there and I sat there for a while, and I just heard a voice in my head, and I think it was God, and this is the reason why I've gotten closer to him. It's just like and it was just all I heard was just wait, hold on. That's I mean, that's it. Hold on, just just wait a little bit longer. And um to me to put in perspective, my viral video was two months after that.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Oh wow. Before you when you want to give up, just wait, just don't do it yet, just wait a little longer because it might get better.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

It might get better, and it brings me back to I don't know if you've ever seen the picture of there's two guys mining and one's walking away, and he's literally about like one or two more strikes done uh done and he's hit diamond diamonds, gold, and everything. The other guy, you know, he's like five feet away from hitting diamonds and gold, but he's still going at it. And um it just kind of brings back that man, uh that that picture as well. When I see that, it's like why stop? Why well sure, yeah. I've you know, I've gained, I've been on this roller coaster of losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight. I've um I was at my highest ever. I was at 595, you know, and we dropped down 32 more uh 32 pounds, uh or you know, 32 pounds down. And if I gain weight, okay, but I'm not gonna, I'm not going to stop trying to lose weight. You know, um, and so um I think just having that mentality of just not giving up because at some point we're we're gonna hit gold, we're gonna strike diamonds, we're gonna something, something good's going to happen.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

I totally agree with you. You know, any goal worth pursuing, you're gonna have times when you want to quit and when it feels like it's never gonna happen. That's just part of it. And I think just getting ahead of it and telling people like, hey, that that might happen or might be happening to you right now where you feel that way, but that's just part of the journey, doesn't mean it's a sign to stop.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Right, 100%. I I can't agree with you 100% what you just said. I don't even have to say anything else on it.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

I get that. I understand that from you. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. You know, I really appreciate you coming out here telling a story. It's like there's so many parts to it. Hard story, um, but then so many things that have come out of it that you have just been able to transcend. I think it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

I mean, that's you know, you you have to because I mean I can either be sour and and just not a very pleasing fruit, or I can be a sweet and pleasing fruit. It just matters what what direction I want to go with. And I tell you what, uh sweet fruit gets picked a lot better than sour fruit.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

I like that analogy. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. So good talking to you.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

Good talking to you too, as well. Thank you so much for having me on.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

So I think the main takeaway from Jonathan is this idea that we talked about at the end, which is that every journey worth taking, every goal that's worth pursuing, you're gonna want to quit. You know, at some point you're gonna feel like it's not happening, it's never gonna happen. It's so easy to get in your head about it. Um, there are always gonna be times where you want to quit. And the way that people reach those goals sometimes is literally just by not quitting. It's not like some secret magic sauce that they're using. I think when we go online, we see all of these people boasting about uh achieving these huge goals and that somehow they did them easily overnight, no big deal. Um, or even if they say like they they they were hustling, they were grinding, it kind of didn't really take that long for them to get there, you know. So online you see a lot of these like overnight millionaires, for example, you know, where they're like, I had this idea, I brought the concept to reality, got some guys together, we did it, I hustled hard. Now I'm a millionaire, and like obviously I'm gonna teach you how to do it too, right? So that is like a huge portion of social media is people presenting these like really polished stories. And they're not talking about actually that that's not usually true. It doesn't happen that fast, and that there are so many pitfalls or so many losses. They're not showing you uh how many times they lost in order to win. They're not showing you the struggle. I mean, people who really own a business or really try to meet a goal. I mean, there's so many nights that you're just up all night worried about it, thinking about it, so many times where you think, like, why did I even try this? Umway when I did my PhD, I was in the orientation for all the new PhD students across different disciplines at the university. And I just, it's just something that stuck with me. I didn't forget it then, and I'm glad that I didn't, and I'm glad that I even still use it today. They said, you're here, right? You got in. That's the main thing. The difference between you finishing and getting your PhD and not doing it is whether or not you quit. And that's it. Once you're in, just don't quit. And, you know, my first thought was like, why would I ever quit? Like, this is what I want to do. Why would I get here and do all this just to quit it? Um, but I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to quit, how many times I wanted to give up. It's not worth it. I don't think that I can do it. I don't think I have it in me. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not, I don't have enough grit. Um, there's so many moments that test you in something like that. And at those moments, I remembered that, you know, that saying, just don't quit. The difference between someone who gets in here and gets their doctorate and someone who doesn't is that one quits and one doesn't. Um, and I think Jonathan illustrated that so much. Like, think about the pain and the tragedy that he had to endure. Um, and he got through it. Yeah, we get through by compartmentalizing, self-soothing, whatever it is we have to do, honestly, at that moment. Um and essentially, even those times, like that time he talked about in his car, thinking about what else is there, right? That's it for me. Nothing else to pursue. He had that voice in his head that said, just wait. Right? You want to quit. I think that's even better than saying don't quit is wait, create some space. Because the moments we want to quit are we're the most emotional, we're the most run down. We're the most exhausted. It's not the best time to make any kind of decision. So just wait before you make that decision. I think that's even a better saying than just don't quit. When you want to quit, just wait because you don't know what's going to happen. You might change your mind, or something amazing might come along and you're going to keep going and you're going to get to that goal, maybe even further than you thought. So for me, that's just like the biggest, most amazing takeaway from what he had to say. So this portion, I want to answer some questions. Audience submitted questions. And of course, when you submit questions, I cannot give personal advice. This is not in lieu of therapy. I can just give you some insight from the mental health perspective, things to think about in your own journey. So of course, this is not a substitute for therapy, for medical advice, and it is not personal advice. Okay. So one question I got is there's so many things that I feel like I really want to do that I think would really benefit me. It could be like working out, it could be going back to school. I've got a whole list of things that I really want. Um, and it feels like I'm able to do everything except for those things. They just keep putting them off. And I don't know why I feel like I procrastinate on the things that would actually help my life the most. Okay. So that's a really common experience. Um, not only the procrastination, but procrastinating extra hard on the things that we want to do the most, which is ironic, or that might propel our lives forward the most. Um, so first I want to say this is something actually a lot of people deal with. There are a number of ways to look at it, right? So procrastination, um, it comes from, you know, feeling stuck, our nervous system kind of shutting down because of the expectations we're placing on ourselves. So, one thing is that the expectations might be too great. So, something like going back to school, that that's like a huge open-ended goal. What does that even look like? Um, where are you gonna go? Where are you gonna start? Um, what are the first steps? So, when we have a big goal that's like that, going back to school, it's really, really hard to start it because there's no entryway. It's just kind of a big, vague thing. And it can be really overwhelming. And that overwhelm can cause our nervous systems to start to shut down. And then procrastination has this kind of uh built-in reward system. So we procrastinate, we'll say, you know, I'll figure it out later. I don't have to do that today. And we immediately feel a sense of relief because we've just taken that big weight off of us. And that sense of relief is actually reinforcing the procrastination. So procrastination is like a habit. It can be broken, it can be reinforced. Um, so whenever we reinforce that procrastination, we're just much more likely to keep procrastinating the next time. Um, and that's just kind of an inherent like behavioral mechanism. And so when we look at something that's such a big goal, instead of uh allowing it to overwhelm us to the point where we're now getting into that procrastination cycle, it's best to just break it down into really small things. So the goal might not be go back to school, the goal might be um research some programs that you might be interested in. It might be uh do a little research or ask one or two people about what they did to go back to school, right? Did they maybe you have to get your transcripts? Maybe you have to get some recommendations. And even those things can be broken down one at a time. It might be I'm gonna put on my calendar that I'm going to call my former school, high school, college, and figure out how to get my transcript. One thing, one and done. That's a lot easier to do. It's a lot less overwhelming. It doesn't call for perfection, and it's less likely to put somebody into that reinforced procrastination cycle. And then probably the most complicated thing to analyze is putting off the things that you think would help the most. Um, a lot of times there's something unconscious under that in that we want it so badly, but maybe we don't really feel ready, or we don't really feel good enough, or we don't actually feel worthy, or we don't know what our lives would look like if we did those things. Um, so even if we don't like certain things about our life, we know it and we know how to deal with it. It is actually our comfort zone, even if it's uncomfortable. And so if we changed that, it would be a total unknown and probably other things might change too. If you go back to school and change some major things about your life or your career, then your friendships might change, your relationship might change. Um, you might be called to move or do something else or do things that even if they sound appealing, are just very unfamiliar to you. And so a lot of times there's this unconscious drive to not do the things that we so desperately want to do because we either are afraid of actually what our lives would look like afterwards, or because we don't think that we deserve it, right? So I had somebody that I worked with one time who had this big task that they were putting off. And it was like, once I do this task, then I can enjoy my life, then I can do these things. I have to get this done, and then I can plan this really like big trip that I've wanted to take. And of course, I want to do that. Why would I hold myself back from doing that? And it's like, well, maybe on some level, taking that trip is really overwhelming. You'd have to actually do it, which is its own huge task. Um, and as long as you have this thing standing in the way, you don't have to face those other fears. And that's not something that we walk around thinking on a conscious level. That's why it's unconscious. And so that is something else to kind of to analyze about why do we put off certain things that we really, really, really want? It doesn't make sense, but it might make sense to our nervous system. It might make sense in our unconscious mind because, as painful as it is, it could be a protection from something else. Um, so I hope that is helpful for you. And again, thank you for tuning in. Don't forget to uh subscribe and go over to my Instagram, dr.dotvisilia, and uh check out my Substack. I'm going to write a Substack article about um some of the things that we talked about today with Jonathan. I also have other um questions that I answer there and uh just kind of tips for good mental health that I post regularly. And I also have some uh therapeutic journals that you can find on my Instagram. Um so I look forward to seeing you next time.