The 25+ Year Intermission That Led to Marriage

The 25+ Year Intermission That Led to Marriage 

In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, Jennetta Daigre joins us to share her incredible journey of finding love and getting married after over 20 years of singleness. If you have ever questioned God's timing, struggled with healing from a past divorce, or wondered if love after 50 is possible, this conversation is for you.

Jennetta opens up about the reality of divorce recovery, the power of deep spiritual growth, and why cultivating self-love and maturity is essential before stepping into a new relationship. Whether you are currently navigating Christian singleness or waiting on a promise, this episode offers practical advice, empowerment, and a beautiful reminder that hope is never lost.

Don't forget to LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE for more faith-based relationship encouragement!

Key Topics Covered:

• Introduction
• Healing from divorce after 20+ years of singleness
• The critical role of faith and prayer in overcoming past hurts
• Embracing self-love, maturity, and self-awareness
• Trusting God’s perfect timing for love and marriage
• Preparing yourself practically and spiritually for a new relationship
• Jennetta's beautiful love story and final marriage advice

Connect with Our Guest:

• Follow Jennetta Daigre: Facebook Group: “Inspirational Words From Jenn”                          

About The Podcast:

• Listen on all podcast platforms
• Subscribe for weekly conversations on healing, faith, femininity, and love
• Book: From Broken to BOUGIE https://a.co/d/4PjF51p 

Journey to Loveland is part of the Chickology Podcast Collective, where women come together to heal in the open, grow in truth, and walk forward with courage and compassion. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

What happens when the intermission lasts over 20 years when you watch everyone else move on into the next act of their lives, or you're left standing in the quiet wondering if life is over for you? Today's episode is for anyone who has ever sat in that space to look at the clock and wonder, did I miss my chance at love? Hey, beautiful people. Welcome back to Journey to Loveland, the space where healing meets hope and love finds its way home. My name is Miranda, and I am super excited that you all are here with me on today. I have a guest with me today. This is my first time ever having a guest. So I will be interviewing this wonderful lady, and she's going to share her story with us. You know, our guest today has a breathtaking story of getting married after over 20 years of being single, you know, later in her life. You know, her journey is living proof that a long season of waiting isn't an empty void or a punishment. It's just the sacred space God uses to rewrite the next act. You know, her life reminds us that delay does not mean denial and love is never late when it's real. So today we are diving deep into her 20-year intermission. We'll uh talk about healing, self-love, act of faith, and what it truly means to wait well and act and actively, you know, and exactly what it feels like when healthy love finally arrives. But before we begin, I want to remind you that Journey to Loveland is part of the Chicology Podcast Collective, where women heal together in the open, grow in truth, and walk forward with courage and compassion. So, yay, today my guest, her name is uh Janetta Dagree. Thank you, Janetta. Welcome to Journey to Loveland.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here with you. Good to see you again.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Nice to see you as well. And I'm super excited to have you as you share your story. As I mentioned before, you've been single, you are single for over 20 years, and so God has brought you this amazing man into your life. So before we begin, why don't you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about who you are today?

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Thank you. I will do that. Um, Janetta Dagrie, as uh our host said, and I have two children, two grown children. Um, and I by position, I'm retired. I've been retired now for about 13 years from the utility company, and I really enjoyed working for 41 years after I retired. So now it's kind of on my own time. And before I met my husband, before we get into that, I was a travel guru. I love to travel, I love to minister, I love to laugh. I'm really a fun, loving person, even though I'm I'm a minister. I love to laugh, I love movies. And this morning I spent my whole morning out gardening, you know, being outside amongst, you know, the uh plants and all the creation that God has made just really does a lot for me. And I'm also a word student. What I mean by that, I love to get in God's word and study his word. So that's who I am. And I want to also say, uh, Miranda, that I was married the first time 23 years, and after 23 years with the kids' dad, I was single. I'll just add a little caveat to that, 29 years. Oh wow, yeah. Okay. So I was single 29 years, and then those 29 years is when God grew me, and uh a lot of hurt, a lot of pain in that time frame, but we'll get into that. But that's who I am.

unknown 3:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

That is so, you know, your story is so inspiring. Like you said, after 23 years of marriage, then you were single for uh 29 years. So what does marriage, you know, now that you've been married, you're married again, what does marriage look like to you now or what does it mean to you? Does it is it a little bit different now?

SPEAKER_00 4:03

I think so. Uh I know so. How about that? I was um I'm more mature now, and let's let's kind of set the record. Um, I've been married five years now into my new marriage after the 29 years of singlehood. Five years, and the reason it's different because I'm more mature, and the reason it's different is because I know who I am and who God wanted me to be and not what somebody else wanted me to be. Uh, I'm stronger in a lot of different ways, and I see this in this marriage as a partnership, not he gives you know, 50% and she gives 50%. No, the partnership means we both give 100% into the marriage, and we share more. Um, maybe it's our maturity. I don't know. I keep saying that our likes, our dislikes, our approvals, our disapprovals, you know, without getting upset if it doesn't go your way. That's just kind of yeah, take the person at face value. That's what they believe, and try not to change them, but see how I fit in that and he fits into my life. So that's a really big change from when I got married in 1971 to when I got married 50 years later to 2021. 50 years difference made a whole bunch of difference.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Yeah. Wow. So when you first were married back in 1971, how do you feel like, you know, what was your approach about marriage at that time? Did you knew like what God's standard was for marriage or what was the biblical purpose of marriage? What was your outlook on marriage at that time?

SPEAKER_00 5:49

That's a very good question. Yeah, I knew what God wanted. I was in the church then, and I knew I'm just gonna keep it straight. I was marrying out of the body of Christ, you know, and you you know what that means. I was marrying somebody that really wasn't a believer for those who will listen to this later. But um, I had the wrong motives. I'm gonna be candid about this interview. My motive was to get out of the house. Okay, yeah, mom and dad feel like you were okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

So you wanted to get away from mom and dad. You wanted so you uh you found a man that was like, okay, this is my opportunity to get out of the house.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

So how he liked me? Mm-hmm. How was what?

SPEAKER_03 6:33

No, I was gonna ask you. So how did it go? You said he liked you, and how did it go after that? Like, okay, so he asked you to marry him, so what happened after that?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah, we ran off and got married, and again, we stayed married, like I said, for 23 years. But in those 23 years, a little less than maybe 23 years, there was a lot of turmoil. There was a lot of immaturity, there was a lot of me versus he. And I couldn't get pregnant for 16 years of those years. I was uh barren that brought problems into the marriage, where I pointed to him, you, and he pointed to me. And so when we all are friends around us was having kids, growing up, having fun, but I'm barren, and when I would conceive, I'd lose the child three miscarriages. So it put a lot of uh strain on our marriage. And 16 years into the marriage, we're praying I had rededicated my life back to the Lord. I'm going back to not so I can get pregnant. None of that. It's just you know, my heart was touched one day in church, and I said I wanted to come back. And in that period of time when I came back, would you believe that um the doctor said that um yeah, you won't be able to have children ever? You know, we're gonna have to go ahead and just uh it's a woman's show, so have a hysterectomy and move everything because you have so much going in with which is wrong. And the way you're going in, I can be able to have children. So they took it to the church, we prayed about it, and I was scheduled for the surgery. And before I went in for the surgery, the Lord spoke to me and said, I put it there and I can heal it there, whatever it is. And we prayed on that and believed it. And months later, I was pregnant. I was pregnant with my daughter, and the church just went up. Uh, I didn't know if I was gonna keep it. My doctor said you probably wouldn't. This is all a part of still being married to the first marriage and how it indented. So when I got pregnant with her, born, even though we had problems, she's fine. Six months later, I'm pregnant again with Elijah. That went well. So the more I saw the Lord working miracles in my life, right? The more it brought dissension because I grew closer to God. And my my then husband, uh, I called him kid's dad. The kid's dad was not growing closer with me. So that brought a lot of separation in the marriage. And some years later, um, he filed it and we divorced because we had two different ways of thinking, two different ways of worshiping, and my love was really now going to the Lord, didn't leave him out. Come on, honey, come on, come on. It just didn't work that way. So that started it, and that started the separation, and he filed, and I was devastated, but sure, you know, we went along with it. So that was one great hurt, and just trying to raise children into two different households is a strain on anybody's life, right? Yeah, but we got through that, you know, years later. Yeah, we got through that.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Wow. I mean, I know that touched someone. I know a lot of the women on here, a lot of the men on here listening to this can really relate to your story because a lot of times, you know, in the word it says, you know, about marrying someone that's unequally yoked. Do you believe that that really does have an impact in a marriage? You know, especially sometimes, you know, we get married and you know, we're not in the church. But then we get married and like you said, we start going to church, one person dedicates their life to the Lord and the other person doesn't, you know, it does really um, you know, cause a strain. So how did you deal with that? You know, how did you, you know, just really try to support your husband and bring him in? Like you said, come on, honey, come on, what is what were your what did you do? Because maybe there's some woman on here listening saying, you know what, I'm in the same boat. How can I really try to encourage my husband?

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I did what the Bible said after you know some of the ladies in the church would help me through this. And there's a scripture, I don't have it right here, you know, on hand, but we can surely find it. It says, um, in order to win your husband over, it says it's the conversation of the woman's life. It doesn't mean the way you speak, but how you handle yourself around him and around friends and not putting him down. He's looking at, is there really a God living in you in order to help him, you know, also be, you know, conducive to coming into the Lord, not just coming to church, but actually surrendering your life. So when he saw I surrendered my life, I surrendered my will as well. Um, I surrendered that if he said this, okay, let's do this, as long as it didn't take me too far, it didn't take me out of the will of God.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Um, like if he would ask me, Oh, let's go there, and that's someplace I didn't want to go, uh, and I didn't want to be there, it was you know, that broad strain. But other than that, I really tried to let the conversation of my life show that I was a servant of God, but I love you, I love you too. But the word of God says I need to do this, and so it did bring, so I say to women who were in that situation, or men, you know, don't force the issue, don't try to bring somebody where you want them to be, let them see where you are, and then they will come on and so they will either flee or stay there, you know. And uh it got a little bit too much for him over the years, and and and one dean I wanted to say in there that I don't know if it needs to be said, well, it does. Yeah, when you begin to have differences, there's different forms of abuse that comes into marriages. It can be physical, it can be mental, it can be emotional, believe it or not, it can be financial. Right, all of those can be forms of abuse one to the other, especially the one that doesn't want to follow where you are, and and that can just lead to a whole bunch of problems. Um, because some especially, you know, the one that's not following, they just feel like they're being left out, right? You know, and and you don't care. You they'll tell you you care more about him, meaning to God, than me. Well, yeah, that's kind of the way it is, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Exactly. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the way it should be that if you care so much about God more than you care about your spouse, that love is gonna flow down from God, that overflow is gonna flow to your marriage.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yes, it will, it will. Uh, but then some it just depends on who you marry. Some are jealous, they're jealous like God, but God is more jealous. But they get jealous too because you're spending time, you're reading your word, you're going to Bible study or not. And a lot of times I didn't go to things because he would get mad. And just because there was Bible study doesn't mean I needed to go. Just because there's something, women are men of God don't mean you need to go. Sometimes you just make peace in the house and stay in the house and read your word silently. Gotta be wise.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

Right. You got to use wisdom. Yeah. Like you said, in order to love them over, instead of you know, degrading the man or putting him down, or like you said, putting other things over them, but just being able to bring peace into your home. And I think the scripture that you may have, I'm not sure, but I'm gonna read it, and you can just let me know if this is the one, 1 Peter 3 and 1. Wives in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands. Is that the one? Or is no?

SPEAKER_00 14:29

That's it. Keep reading, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

So that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. Is that the one?

SPEAKER_00 14:39

That's it. Some say behavior, some say conversation. That's it. Yep, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Three and one. So if you're writing this down, our listeners, that is a scripture that you can meditate on, that you can pray on. So you said that after you all were uh married 16 years, you were barren, and then you all decided to go back to church. And so for the next maybe about six or six years. Oh, yeah, I yeah, I'm only just you, just me. So you yeah, so you started going to church, you're you're feeling that that pull, push, and pull between the marriage, and then he filed. So do you feel like you would have filed, or you would have just kept trying to believe God for your marriage?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

I wouldn't have never filed. No, I just believed that too in the word of God, you know. I remember I had just recently come back, so the word of God was like so pronounced in my spirit. Oh, I gotta do that, I gotta do it to the exact of what it said. And no, I wouldn't have filed. And I talked to my mom, who's long time, you know, missionary in the church, saying that God, Janetta, you stay right there, you stay right there, you let God order that. You know, you went out on God. Oh, yeah, okay. Thank you, mom.

unknown 15:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

No, but to your question, I I don't think I would have found, even though physical abuse was coming in, that's when I really began to turn and say, Lord, you got to do something here. My kids cannot see this. I don't want my son being raised thinking this is the way you handle things, or my daughter thinking, oh, I'm supposed to let this happen to me, Lord. I biggie went into all-out prayer and fasting. Lord, you've got to you've got to break this, you've got to do something. Glory be to God. Not not only can I not live like this, my kids cannot live like this.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

That's it, right? Right. Yeah. Protect your children, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

So when all this happened, you know, after you know abuse started to come into the picture, you were praying, you were fasting, you're believing God he filed for a divorce. Yes. How you know, how was your state of mind after that? What was going through your mind after the divorce file? Even though you were going through these things, did you feel like, oh my God, this is a relief he finally filed for divorce? I'm glad I'm free. How are you feeling after that?

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Uh, that and the other way is how am I gonna make it on my own? You know, so but the first thing that came to my mind when they knocked on the door, and here's the paper. I'll never forget that day. I thought, oh God, because I could see on the envelope what it was. I said, kids, let's go to let's go to Sisler to eat. I'll read it there while they enjoy their food. And that's what I read it. And I went, Oh my goodness. So part of me was relieved, and part of me was still in fear, you know. Um, so my mind was jumbled. I got two babies here and got to keep them in school, and I had a very, very demanding job. Um, and so I'm thinking, how would I make it? How will all that came into play? All of that, sis, and began to pray to the Lord, and I began to uh um speak to only women that I thought could offer me word of advice, word of praise, word of encouragement, not down him. I didn't need that downing. That's one thing when we go through, women of God, make sure you were women that will lift you up, give you encouragement on the right track, and not tear down your spouse. Tearing down is not gonna help, right? Not gonna help at all. So, yeah, my mind was, oh Lord, what am I gonna do? Oh, help me, Lord, oh help me. Yeah, I was um really just spinning, you know, uh emotionally spinning. Yeah, trying to take care of my two babies because they were two and three years old at the time when this happened.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Wow, so they were so it was a demanding job, yeah, the exact demanding job.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

They were young and they could look and see, and um it was things got tougher and and things I hate to say worse, but they did because the divorce itself took four or five years, and that was really trying. Um and I kept saying to the Lord, Lord, what am I doing wrong? Why do I have to pay child support? You know, why do I have to take the brunt of it? Why did the courts believe him and not me? Lord, where are you? And I was sinking, sinking, down, down, down, you know, am I gonna be able to keep a place for us to live? You know, but I kept praying, I kept trusting, and I think during that part of my life, um I had taken my eyes off a man. I figured when I start getting back on my feet, and we haven't gotten there yet, but when I start getting back on my feet, I thought, God's gonna help me with this. God's gonna help me with this. God will give I even had to file, you know, during those troubling times, it was just sad. Bankruptcy. I'm gonna by that time I bought a home with me and the kids. Am I gonna lose the home? Will I lose my car? Will I lose, lose, lose because they were coming after me for everything? Um, but I never talked about him. That's one thing I want to say to women. Do never talk about or men, do never speak ill of your spouse in front of your children.

unknown 20:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Don't do that ever. Go to your girlfriend, go to your sister, you know, go to somebody, an adult that wants to hear you chat, you know, get all that out. But that's one thing of that's that's part of self-love and healing. Because the more you chant about it, the more it stays with you, less than anything you talk about, the more you entertain it in your mind, the more it's gonna stay there, right?

SPEAKER_03 20:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

So you gotta dish that out, right?

SPEAKER_03 20:45

So, do you feel like that really helped you with the healing process? Talk to us about how did you heal? Once, you know, like you said, you were going through this, you didn't know how you were gonna make it. You, you know, I know you said that you were praying and different things like that. Did you all uh go to counseling? Did you seek therapy, or you just spoke to your sisters, or you just spoke to women of faith that were around you and in your life?

SPEAKER_00 21:07

The latter. Yeah, we didn't go to counseling. Once he filed, he filed right away. And I got the paperwork and it let me know the child support you'll be paying, me will be paying, and the uh alimony, me, you will be paying. I immediately went to I went to my um my sisters and my mom and the women of faith. And and even at that, you have to let the Lord guide you because a lot of women of faith have not gone through that. Right. And it was very, you know, women because one what even a sister, because one and sister says, Oh, just forget it and just get back together. Well, yeah, because it was so much, even for them to hold. You've been going through that, you know, it was a lot. So how I got through that in healing, yeah, yeah, we know we need God, yes, we do, but you also need One I went to counseling just myself, right? You know, because he didn't want to, and to help me become whole. But what I really, really did was grab this is the truth. And I know people might say this that doesn't work for me. Yeah, I grabbed the scriptures, I took the print off the pages and believed it. I mean, Isaiah 58, 17 is one of my favorite. No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And he just kept telling me that it's not going to prosper. And every tongue that rise against you in judgment, you can condemn it. I just held on. Think it not strange when you fall into fiery trials as though some strange thing has happened unto you. But he says, Rejoice. I'm rejoicing in this Lord. I'm supposed to rejoice in this. Yes, rejoice. Hallelujah. And so that's what I clung to the word of God. The word of God became my new husband. The word of God became my new counselor. The word of God became my new instructor. Hallelujah. And so that's what got me through. You know, uh, we're not on camera, but if I could show you my Bible, uh, the date on it is my husband said, When are you gonna get the new one? Uh, is 1986, and I have all the dates I retaped it and just retaped it over and over because I have special scriptures in there that got me through hallelujah, those 29 years that got me through it was real, it became real in my life. And I said, Oh, the word of God said this though. The word of God said, after you have suffered a while, you know, I just kept staying on those scriptures of suffering because I didn't think the Lord heard me and I didn't think he was with me. But every time I go to the word and let it out, I get strengthened again, I was encouraged again, I was enlightened again, and I could be the mother to my children and employ to my employer that I was supposed to be. And I took care of my mother too at that time. So uh I'm telling you, the word of God, you gotta cling to it, cling to it. Even if you get you one, two, three, or four, five scriptures, ladies and men, cling to it, and God will have you go through your singleness and through your divorce and through your misery, Holly, with Him right by your side, because He's a jealous God. Are you seeking me first? Did you come to me about it? Okay, I said enough on that.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

I mean, that was so powerful. I mean, that even encouraged me, and I hope it encouraged someone that's listening to this story because this is a story of faith and hope and trust in God. And, you know, I believe with like you said, without God, we can't do this. We can't do this without Him. I believe that, you know, from my what I'm hearing you're sharing with us is that the reason why you are able to get through those 29 years is because of God.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

But God's right. But God.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

But right, you know, but God Bible, you know, you kept, you know, uh wallpapering those scriptures to your heart. Yes. Yes uh stand in faith. You know, I would like to, you know, let's as women, you know, there's people on here who may not be of Christ, or there may not, or maybe women of faith on here and they're just discouraged right now because it's like, you know what, I've done all that, you know, and I'm still frustrated. What did you do in those times of lull and frustration? And you know, just really like, Lord, do you hear me? Do you see me? What is going on? Tell us what did you do in those moments?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

I'm not proud of something's idea or thought. I was telling my husband about one of the you did fat. Yeah, because one time I thought, oh, I'm gonna drive this car off anyway. I'm gonna drive it off the cliff here. I was just so fed up. You're not listening to me, Lord. You're not this, you're not that. Are you really there? I'm clinging to you. And um, this is the truth. When I told my husband, my husband said, What? You didn't tell me you were gonna drive that. It was in Pomona. I was gonna drive the car off the cliff. And as I was driving, just crying, boohooing, weeping, nobody cares, nobody knows the trouble I see, you know, that whole and there was this car on the side of me on the freeway. Um, and I saw the car out of my peripheral vision, and the car went up in the air and went off on the road where I thought I was gonna go. And yeah, and then there was this truck that was behind me too. He went chasing the other truck who bumped her, which made her lose control of the car, and she flipped over and went down the bankment. And I thought, oh my god, that was gonna be me. So I got off the freeway real quick. I thought I was seeing things. I went around the streets, seeing if I could find anything. Maybe it was just me. God was showing me that's what's gonna happen to me because I'm thinking things like that. But lo and behold, I went all the way around to the alleys. I found a car turned upside downward and the wheels were spinning. And um, she was okay, but she stayed with me that whole day. I got her out, paramedics came, checked her out. She was very, very scared because she was driving her aunt and uncle's brand new car. But the point I'm making is God would show, now that's what you want to do? Is that what you wanted to do? I would have saved you, but is that what you want to do? Halfway kill yourself? And here you are saving somebody that didn't try to kill herself, but almost could have been killed by the bump on the car. And so, anyway, back to your point, yeah, I cried and so forth, but I kept going back. I kept going back to the altar. I kept going back and crying out. And the thing about it too, Miranda, I should say, I had this black pill box inside of me for all my hurt, all my pains, all my betrayals, and I wanted to keep them. I didn't want them to go because I felt like if I held on to them, I could be stronger and I could tell people off and I could tell him off, you know. And so I wanted my pill box left alone. I wanted to walk around with it. You're not gonna rock me. You've taken everything else from me, but you're not gonna take my pill box. Well, one Saturday in prayer meeting, uh, pastor called a prayer meeting. I'm the only one who showed up that Saturday morning, but I got a corner to myself, and I prayed out and cried out. Women cry out to God, not just with tears, but with repentance. Repentance means I give it all to you. I give it all to you, and then and then he took the pill box. I could feel it coming out of my chest. I then woke up, came out of there with love. The situation, none of my situations had changed, but the way I thought about them had. But the healing process began to come. And when you begin to heal women and men, you'll think differently about it. Did it happen? Yes. And not only will you think differently about it, you'll think less about it.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

Yes. Oh my goodness, that is so powerful. Like when you said your black pill box, people may not understand what you mean. Go back and explain what you mean by that.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Good, good, good, yes. Uh, it actually wasn't one, but in my mind, I had conjured up a black little pill box, almost a box like you would buy uh uh some jewelry out of a felt box. It was a felt box, you know. You have a uh necklace in there, so I call it a pill box because all my problems were my pills, my pills of eel, my pills of hatred, my pills of betrayal. So I called it a black pill box because they were pills, and none of them made me healthy, none of them took away my hurt, none of them took away my shame, they were just there, and I didn't want anybody to touch it. I wanted it to stay there because when you have something inside of you, you feel like you control your life better when actually you don't do is stifle your life when you have those things where you haven't forgiven, and we must forgive, no matter what happened to us and what was done. So, in this pill box, they all were there, like over my heart, and so it made my heart weak, it made my heart be in a place that God couldn't get to because the pill box took precedence over God, and I had to realize that in prayer, and so when I said I released it and said, God is all yours, that hurt is yours, that pain is yours, that distrust is yours, all of it belongs to you. It's almost like in my mind, the box opened up and just flowed out, just flowed out. And it was almost like God took it all. And so when I got up from prayer off my knees, I was on my knees, I felt I could breathe, I felt refreshment, I felt the anointing had come in that little space corner where I was inside that church that Saturday, cleaned me out. All the situation was still there. It wasn't say I cleaned and moved this. No, he wanted me to move it to him, yeah, and that's what I mean. Like, yeah, surrender. I didn't, I I didn't um I didn't so once I surrendered, the situations were not different, they were still there, but the way I thought about them, the way I entertained them was all different.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

That was what yeah, that is so beautiful, you know. And when we surrender to God, you know, our perspective and our lens is through his eyes, right? You know, the way we see things, the way we receive things, the way we respond to things, it's through the lens of God, through the heart of God. And so now, like you said, forgiveness is possible because now you've acknowledged the hurt, the pain, the the peel box, you've acknowledged it, you've released it and given it to God, and so now he can take it and he can do what he needs to do in your life because you've made space for him to move in your life.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Absolutely, good well said, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

That is so beautiful. And for those listening, you know, there is hope. God, when you decide to surrender your pain, your hurt, those the shame and all those things, like Janetta said, you know, you're able to say, you know what, Lord, here you go. You you it's it's yours now. You are good was there. I give it to you, Lord God, heal me. I'm I want I want to be better, I want to be whole. Wow, that is so beautiful. So after those years, you know, that you know, I'm so loving this because so many men and women who have gone through divorce and all these different things. And you know, I've experienced divorce as well. And you know, you mentioned about wanting to, you know, uh drive yourself off the cliff. You know, you were just so fed up. And I there's so many people in this room, in this space who may be listening who have felt the same way. Do you feel, you know, and God saved you? He said, I'm with you. Is this what you really want to do? He allowed you to see a visual of what you could have done. You know, when you hear women that you probably have ministered to that may have been feeling the same way, what do you share with them about that that point, that pain point in their life? Because there's women on here, men on here that's listening that may be feeling right like that right now. What would you share with them?

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Uh, if they knew the Lord, and we know our everybody doesn't love him, we all know him to a different level of extent in our life. Just depends how much we spend with him. But overall, I would share is that um we are saying when we back up and don't give it to him that we don't trust him. Yeah, we don't trust him to do it for us. You you brought us into this land, you know, and some of us you redeemed us, you redeemed us from sin or from whatever lifestyle we were in, you redeemed us. We we we believe that you died for us, but I don't believe you you died enough to take care of me. So I've shared to them this is uh a trust. The Bible says, without faith, you know, you cannot please God. And if we're not gonna walk in faith and not please God, then God says, Then why am I here? What am I gonna do for you? You know, he's a God of mercy, but but we have to give him all that that we can. So I'd say to him, you know, take your time and walk with him, talk with him, ask him to give you understanding, ask him to, you know, bring you to a place so you can be healed, ask him to bring you to somebody, somebody can come to you that you can talk to, that can counsel you, that can uplift you. He's our greatest counselor. So I say, just don't give up. I could have given up, but he really wants to see, are you sold out for me? Are you sold out for me? Yeah, it took 29 years. Hallelujah, but are you sold out for me? He had to know I was sold out, not only sold out, he wanted to know every bit of pain, anguish that I didn't like about myself or the situation was gone. He's not gonna bring you anybody unless it's gone.

SPEAKER_03 35:49

He's not gonna bring someone else for you to bleed on, right for you to you know, to beat up on or because you're you'll take it there, and the same for him or her, who's ever coming to you.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

You make sure that their stuff is cleaned up, and the only way you know that is over a period of time, exactly, you'll only know that over a period of time as you continue to whatever they call it, court, date, whatever. Right, but the one thing I would say to women and men accomplish what you need to do with God, accomplish what you need to do first in your life. You know, I know being loved is wonderful, it is, yeah, but also being loved by the wrong person that you think you're loved is even worse, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Exactly. Yeah, did you ever feel, you know, I I want to address that a little bit because you're saying being wrong by the loved wrong person? Did you ever, you know, throughout those years, right? So let us know what year were you in when you said you got to the church and you had that release, and you know, you're able to forgive, you're able to have a different perspective. What year was that for you in your after your divorce?

SPEAKER_00 37:00

It was quite soon after, a couple years after, and I would say the divorce was in the 90s, um 94, 95, 96, somewhere in there.

SPEAKER_03 37:10

Right. And I know you were talking about with so 96. So, how was your life starting to change? You know, you said that you know what you surrendered, you forgave. How did you see some immediate change or did it take some time? What started to look different in your life? How did things change for you?

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Uh-huh. Yeah, things started to look different for me. Um, I wasn't looking then, I wasn't interested. Remember, I just came off of this battle. And anybody that looked like they had pants on looked like they were a battle at that time. You know, right. Even though they couldn't be, yeah, it took a while uh for me to even uh begin to say, Lord, is yeah, even think about it. I was so far, far removed from that uh at the time. It was just me and my children.

unknown 37:56

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Me getting it. How long? I think I dated in the early late 90s or the early 2000s, and a man from church too.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

A man of church that how was that experience for you dating?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Um, you know, people, individuals, women have to know I found out a lot about myself of the four men I dated, that I'm emotional, and that I was um I didn't know I needed a lot of love because you don't know what you need, what you didn't get.

unknown 38:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

So I didn't know that. And then the for the the first one, you know, it was, and I'm very very sensitive to one being honest, and you only know they're honest by what they tell you, but then when the dishonesty comes in, you know, for me, dishonesty kicks the bucket. I don't care who you are, because if you're dishonest about one little thing, yeah, you give somebody a break, but it's a big thing for me. Um, then I don't want to have anything to do with it. You know, so I I looked during those years uh before I dated, there was dishonesty, and there were areas that some wanted me to go in that I was not gonna go in, you know. So that especially if you say you're a Christian man and we're going to church, that's just me. People do what they want, I'm not telling what women or not, but I know I had come this far, I had to remain straightforward for God, right? You know, so there uh let me just keep it straight, ladies. No sex, no, okay. Have sex. Oh, we can kiss here and there and go to the movies and all that, but I wanted to stay clean for God, right? Because in order to be clean for God, and in order for God to send me someone, I didn't want to say, Oh, I'm I'm sorry, oh I got uh away with it, and I'm not knocking anybody. That's what I did, right? That's what I did, you know, because I knew what I was reading, that's why I became, you know, I'm gonna say a girlfriend to the Bible, because I had read it all, I'd studied all and knew it. And yeah, we do slip. Don't get me wrong, we sin and we have to come back and repent. But repent doesn't mean, oh Lord, I'm sorry, with tears, repent means turn around and don't do it again, right? So we do slip, ladies. So not knocking you just when you repent, leave it alone.

SPEAKER_03 40:28

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

You know, so that really helped in those years, uh getting me straight, and and um now I'm on a place where I'm high, I'm excited. I in my home, I was able to keep my home, keep my car, and now it's in the 2000s. And so awesome. Yeah, I would begin, I became uh a trip guru. I traveled all over around the world, and my family would go, you're going by yourself? Yeah, I'm going, you're going to Israel by yourself? Yeah, I traveled everywhere by myself, and I loved it. I traveled here and I traveled there, I would be out of the country. And um and now I'm enjoying it and enjoying the freedom that God had given me, and now I'm more secure in me. Not only secure spiritually, but also secure in who's around me and you know, and who I am, and I know he's still making me and and breaking some things off of me, you know, you're never 100. But I really enjoyed the travel part of my life and meeting new people, ministering along the way, you know, Australia ministering people. It was just, I mean, I can't even begin to tell you the places I went. You might have seen some of the pictures, I don't know. And so with my husband, he didn't, he wasn't a travel guru with me, but now it's like, uh-uh, we're going.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

It's like we're together, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

I'll come home and say, I just booked us because you did. I go, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

It's like that travel guru has not left your spirit, so that's awesome. You know, and then sit down and let life pass you by.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

No, no, and if we don't get to it, I'll also what I said. I had a note here. Uh, another thing, I didn't want men to change me. Only God could change me. Let me be me. Yes, Lord, let show me what I need to do. Don't take away my fun, don't take away my craziness, you know, don't take away and try to mold me for you. I'm not gonna mold you for me, right? You know, so we come to the table for what we bring. Yeah, accept me for where I am, this partnership that we have. Uh, and I think too, I always want to say I'm going to be 74 and my husband's going to be 76. And I love that we're this age.

unknown 42:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Hallelujah. Because some of the immature stuff you used to go through, you don't go through no more. You're just like, all right, whatever, it doesn't matter. You know, yeah, yeah. You just try to enjoy where you are and where God has you. Because sometimes we can spend so much, and I'm not knocking the 30 year olds and 40 years because my daughter just got married. You know, they're not there yet. You gotta you gotta work your way there, you gotta earn your way here. Ha! Glory, you gotta earn your way here, and part of that earning is, you know, the I don't want to say putting up with one another, but uh loving each other where you are, not where you want them to be.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

Right, and accepting that person for who they are. Do you feel like um I know you mentioned dating men in the church? Do you feel like they tried to like, I know you said not trying to, you know, they tried to possibly change you. You know, you don't want to change for man, but do you feel like they were trying to diminish you for who you are? Do you feel like they were trying to change you? You know, because a lot of times women feel like, well, if I meet a man. In church, you know, if I marry a man from church, do you feel like that's necessary? Like you need to marry someone that's equally yoked. Do you feel that way now that you've experienced the opposite?

SPEAKER_00 44:10

I don't think whether he's in church or out of church, any man should try to change you. You know, um, you know, you have to be happy with who you are. This is for the women who are not in church. Be happy what you're going to bring to the table, right? And that that he's going to complement what he's bringing to the table with what you're bringing.

unknown 44:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

So, yeah, you want to be happy, but happy is is happy is a word. Happy is not a thing that keeps you married. Right, exactly. You know, it's you know, are we together in this? Are we congenial with each other? Uh, but back to the church man, you know, I'm not knocking the church man at all. Men are men, how about that?

unknown 44:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

And women are women, whether you're in the church or not. But the difference about a man in the church is I I pray so that he has the same uh ideas that the woman would have about serving God and what that looks like, right? You know, so that's where the unequally yoke comes in, where he or she, not just he, but he or she will feel like all of that's not necessary to serve God. But whatever's necessary for you in your life, you hope it's necessary for him, otherwise it's unequally yoked.

unknown 45:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Because what you see it should be, and he sees it should be already two different things, and unequally yoked means more so we don't agree.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

You know, we don't agree in our lifestyles, we don't agree where we're going, we disagree, and that's why I believe though, I do believe in courting, and I know a lot of people say not long-term courting, they get into trouble. Well, that's where you got to put your flesh under subjection, and I understand I'm not at that area, but that's why I think courting is necessary because you get to see the person who they are and what they are, and what's value, what's valuable to them, right? That's so important, you know. You know, we know the Lord is, but what's what else is valuable to you in this life?

SPEAKER_03 46:18

Right. Are we on the same path?

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Yeah, are we on the same path, or just because we do this and laugh and have a good time? Um, but that doesn't necessarily mean, you know, and you become more compatible as you live together, right?

SPEAKER_03 46:35

Right, you know, that love grows, that compatibility grows, those you know, being able to come together and make the necessary changes, not saying that you're trying to change yourself, but just that makes some adjustments so you can live in peace together.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

But if she or he already doubts his fidelity, oh no, if you already doubting fidelity, then uh go back to the altar or go to a friend because if you already sensing that, but you're gonna go in it anyway, because everybody knows I'm getting married and everybody's coming, and I don't want to let my mom and dad down, whatever, whatever, honey girl, it's all about you and where you're gonna be in five years. And and dude, it's about you where you're gonna be with her in five years. Mom and daddy may be there, sister and brother may be there, but it's about you, what you can't actually see that this person is bringing. That's how you grow closer together. That's how you grow closer together, you know. Meet each other where you already are. I can't say that enough. I can't say that enough.

SPEAKER_03 47:44

Um, anyway, so when you said with fidelity, you said like being unfaithful or seeing things in them that where they're possibly gonna be unfaithful. Is that what you mean?

SPEAKER_00 47:53

Or yeah, and not just seeing it because it happened to you before, but have some substance of what you see, right? You know, not just well, he did it before, so he's gonna do it again. Not that kind. You've got to have some substance and make sure your feelings is not of the enemy. You've got to take everything that you have and any uncertainty to God. God is He the one, God is she the one, because He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and it is good unto the Lord, right? So remember, ladies, you're not finding, you just you just staying and doing your part and becoming one day, you know, uh Proverbs woman. You're not finding, but you're preparing yourself to find. And like somebody said once to me, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. And somebody said, Well, make sure the wives are in the the right lost and found line, you know, right.

SPEAKER_03 48:46

Be available to be found, right?

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Right, right, be available to be found, and and again, I'm old lady, but here I go. And make sure you are properly attired to be found, right? Because when you are found because of flesh, that ain't gonna last forever, right? Right, you know, for who you are, your mind, your personality, your character, your smile, your insight, your intellect. Wow, all of that, your love for others, your love for the homeless, your love for those who have less than you. All of that's important. You're bringing everything to the table, not only your beautiful smile, not only your pretty teeth, not only your unbelievable, you know, right, but bring all of you to the table in sincerity, in honesty. That's who he's going to fall in love with. That true woman, right, and listen to, have good listening skills. Yes, men and women, yeah, men and women, yeah, because there are some, yeah, exactly, exactly. Men and women have listening skills. Um, so anyway.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

So after your divorce, you know, and all this what you're saying is so good. So I hope you all are taking notes. This is so good, especially if you're wanting to get married. So after your divorce and you your divorce and you know, you began to heal and different things like that. Did you always want to be married again? Or did you say, you know what, if it's God's will, what was your perspective about marriage again? Like, I want to be married again, Lord. I'm you know, how are you preparing for that journey if that's what you wanted?

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Very good question. Uh Lord, if it's your will, because I like my life right now. Okay. You were enjoying your life.

SPEAKER_03 50:38

So, what do you suggest to women? Do you suggest that you know will women enjoy their life, stay busy? Like you said, you were traveling, you were in ministry. So, how do you uh what would you suggest to women who are been waiting? It's been 10 years, five years, 15 years, 20 years, 30 years. What do you suggest to them so they can have that joy of the Lord? So they can just continue to have that beautiful smile, but also have a beautiful heart as well. What can they continue to do on their journey if they're still waiting or they want to be married?

SPEAKER_00 51:09

Wait on the Lord. I say, wait on the Lord and be of good cheer, because he will come when it's time. Be not weary in well-doing, for in due season he will bless you in due time. You will reap, you will reap. Keep your mind on the Lord. He's jealous, he really is. All you have to do is go back through, you know. Look at Hannah, she couldn't have children, she was barren, you know. First Samuel chapter one, she was barren for a while, and she's kept crying because she's looking at the other women having babies. But when she began to pray and keep her mind on Jesus, then later on, Samuel came. You know, your 29 years could be not long, but when he sends it, he's going to send it. Ah, I you know, I can't say it enough, except, you know, keep your mind on the Lord and take those scriptures, be of good cheer, be of good cheer. Say, Lord, I'm happy where I am, but you don't even have to tell him, He'll know how you live if you're happy where you are, and he knows if you joy, if you have joy, joy unspeakable and full of glory.

unknown 52:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 52:20

That's what I'd say. I wouldn't say go looking, I just say, you know, let Lord be number one, let him be your boyfriend right now, let him be your go-to gal, your go-to friend right now. Amen. You know, let God be your go-to friend right now, and when he gives you go-to, he'll show you, he'll direct you, and then he'll put you in a place, you know. Let me say this too. In those probably 20, because we were going together, we dated three and a half years before we married. And I would I would ask him about after two years, even my sisters, what is he gonna do? What's going on? He's been to dinner here, he's been there, we the whole family's met him. I went, I know my girlfriends too at my job and the women at church. What's going on? I went, I don't know. So finally, when I did ask him, where are we going with this? I'm just curious, you know, because we lived uh apart from each other because we lived in two different parts of the state, so we couldn't see each other all the time. So that's gonna take longer if you don't live close together, right? And so we could talk about oh me to tell okay. I'm just gonna give it to you. We met on we met online, okay. Seniorsmeet seniors.com.

SPEAKER_03 53:40

Awesome. So online dating, you're not opposed to.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

Yeah, I was oh yes, heavily opposed.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

I was too.

SPEAKER_00 53:49

Yes, and my and my kids said, Mom, you're retired now, you're traveling all by yourself. Yeah, mom, don't get mad at us, Janelle and Elijah. What? What mom? We set you up a profile. What kind of profile? And I went, what are you talking about, mom for dating? Mom, you're all alone. Oh, they were just you just you're all alone, mom. No, I'm good. No, mom, you're such a good person, mom, and they were they were cheering for me. Cheering, and mom, all you have to do is take this code, put your credit card in. I am not doing such a thing. I know God will send me a man. You know how we get, yeah, God will send me in his time. No, I'm not doing that. That means I don't believe in mom, please. This was like in February of that year. I went on to um, where did I go? Yeah, this was like February, March, April, May. I'll tell you it was in May, May, May of that year. And I booked myself over to go to Jerusalem. So I was gone for a minute, and when I got back, I went into my emails, gobs of emails, because they signed me up. But they wouldn't release any names because I didn't give them my credit card. Right, mom, do it, mom, do it. And I told my sister, come over, look at this, look at this, look at this emails, look at this coming in from seniorsmeat.com. She goes, Come on, girl, come on, girl, get it. I said, You think so? She says, Come on, girl, get it, give them your card number. Um, and I did, and the emails start flowing out, flowing out. I said, Will you sit here with me? I'm nervous, I've never done this. I called my daughter, I did it. Mom, just sit there and read them. I it was 150 emails. Oh wow, and I couldn't do it. So my sister and I went, Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. We had a yes pile and a no pile, and the yes ended up only being 25. And so, right based on the looks.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

How did you just okay? Based on the looks you decided on the yes pile. Okay, yeah. So, how did you yeah, tell us how you narrowed it down from the 25 then? Okay, based on looks, uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 56:01

Yeah, so we got into the looks, and after that was where their spirituality was, you know, man of God or whatever, and then those 25, you almost have to read most of them, most of their um what do you call it?

SPEAKER_03 56:17

Profiles, yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 56:19

Profile. And so we read, we read, and I think I ended up with five. Yeah, I'll maybe go on a date, but they gotta come my way, you know where Rancho is. So they gotta come that way, and and we did five, and I told everybody where I'm gonna be, and I told my daughter, this is the restaurant, daytime dates, only daytime dates. I was very strict, and they're gonna come to Rancho. I don't care where they live, they're gonna come to Rancho. So I did have five and and dated, you know, like a principal. All of them were very nice. Uh, I would say out of the five, three were loving men of God. Okay, but they like to talk, and none of them just didn't do me. So I thought, okay, I'm gonna go back. One wanted to keep going, no, I don't think so. So I went back on the computer and said, now I'm gonna sign out. I'm I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_03 57:08

So, what made you say no on them? You said because they like to talk and they didn't really want to get to know you, or yeah, I felt that they didn't really get to know me. Um, and I love because you know, at this age, we're able to be like be really honest with ourselves. There's not a spirit of inspiration. We're desperate for love, so it's kind of like you're at a point where it's like, you know what? I've done all this work on myself, I've done all these things. I don't have to just tolerate and settle for what I really don't want.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

That's so so true. And it wasn't so much about looks, and it wasn't like I'm better than him or any of that. It's just all it does is take a good hour, hour and a half dinner or whatever you have, lunch, and you could hear what's going on inside.

unknown 57:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

And I've grown from that in some places. I'm not gonna go back from where I've grown from that God brought me out of, right? And I don't want to hear about your wife and what y'all are doing. Oh no, I'm past that, right? You know, I was always congenial and nice, but um, when I said no more, one just wanted kept on, and so that's what really helped me is that not that I was better than anybody else, never would think it, but I've grown from that, right? I've grown from where you're trying to take me, and I I didn't sell when I went back.

SPEAKER_03 58:26

Where did you think they were trying to take you?

SPEAKER_00 58:29

Uh, someone's trying to take me into a place of I'm the man, you know. Uh, I just thought, all right. Um do you feel like it was more of control?

SPEAKER_03 58:43

Like, were you looking for, were you wanting a man who was wanting to stand up and be a man, a leader, or you were just saying they were trying to be controlling?

SPEAKER_00 58:50

I wasn't looking for anything, really. I mean, satisfying my my, but if the more I, you know, some were fussy, I didn't want that. Okay, okay. Uh, especially if I was five minutes late, he would be fussy. Um, I went if he's gonna do this over five minutes, oh heaven help. But anyway, I don't know what I was looking for. It was new to me, I'm gonna be honest. I don't know what I knew what I didn't want.

SPEAKER_03 59:17

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 59:18

But I really didn't know what I just didn't know what I want.

SPEAKER_03 59:23

When we are when we start dating, like what you were doing, intentionally dating, you went on this app, you paid, you were intentional about your dating. Do you feel like you're starting to see this is what I really don't want? And you start discovering what you really do want out of a a new partner? Does that somewhat?

SPEAKER_00 59:43

And I'm not knocking the five, four or five that I did have daytime dates with, right? I didn't know what to compare to.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

Because I hadn't dated in all those years, and this is what I'm seeing out of the four or five.

SPEAKER_03 59:57

Um, you said you had dated in all those years. So how after your divorce, what was it 20 years after you started dating, or how many years after did you start actually, you know, almost probably probably 25 years because me and him it was the same, it was the same cycle.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:16

So I went back to the computer and I'm shutting it down. Now refund my money. I'm done. I told my sister five, that's good, nice man, but this is not my game, this is not for me. As soon as I got ready to shut it down and hit the refund button and enter. Um, one last face came up.

unknown 1:00:36

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

I said, Cynthia, look.

unknown 1:00:40

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

Look. I said, let's read the profile real quick. And so we begin to read the profile. She says, Oh my god, he's a man of God. Oh my god, he's this. Oh my god, he's a former cop. Oh my god, look how long he's been single. I said, He's gone. Most of them like that are gone. He was dressed sharp, his profile picture. And I went, Oh most, most, no, he's gone. She said, Well, try it. No, no, no, he's gone. Because when you see a good thing like that, and he loved the he was a guitarist, and I love the guitar, and he loves to work out, I love to work out. It was just too many similarities. She says, Well, just try, you don't know.

unknown 1:01:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:19

So I put a little text in. Hi, I'm so nervous. Hi, uh, your profile reads really nice. I'm sure by now you're gone, and maybe you should take your information off.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:33

Look at you already predicting.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

Yeah, I'm already saying he's gone. I don't want to get my hose up hot just because of what he looks and what I read.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

And um he responded back and he says, No, no, I'm not. I'm I'm still on here. I'm still on here. I went, oh, okay. Um he says, before I responded, I looked at your profile too. And he says, You sound like an interesting person. He sounded very mature, unlike the others, wasn't trying to lead me anywhere. And just he was very articulate. And I hate to say that, but I do like smart men.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:16

Yes, why not? Yes, yeah. You can be honest about what you want. You you have your preferences, you can choose now.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Yeah, exactly. And what and especially a man to open up my mind to think broader than I think. And and he would be doing that. And so I said, Oh, so we talked on that that uh app, you know, a few weeks, and then finally he said, Let's get off this app and uh I'll give you my number. What's a good time that you think you can call me? So it was summer, I'll never forget August um 27th. And so I said, Um, Monday night? He said, Sure, you call me, and I did, and my sister and nephew were all like this, you know. Right. I'm getting I'm getting ready to call them, and they're looking acting like they're not listening, but they were right. We talked five hours that night just about who we were beyond the profile and our lives, and right in our lives and his guitars, and just laugh and had fun and just laugh, laugh, laugh. We start talking at eight, and we got off at about one or two. Yeah, and so it was a good thing, and then he ended. Do you mind if I call you again? No. So we did that a couple weeks just on the phone. Then finally he said, Maybe we can get off this phone after three weeks and actually meet each other. I really would like to do that, and that's how that happened. So we were 600 miles away, so I drove 300 miles, he drove 300 miles, and he then I knew he was really an upstanding man. He says, You already told me about your family and your children. Could you please give them my license plate number?

unknown 1:03:58

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:59

Yeah, what kind of car I drive.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

Yeah, I was like, Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:05

Like, oh my, this is so how what what was different about him? Was it just that, or what else happened that made you really?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

Yeah, yeah, he was handsome, tall. I've always wanted to. If I did have somebody tall, he was talking. I'm a tall woman, and he was tall and such a gifted person when we finally did meet up. He says, Um, I have something fun for us to do. We met in some little town, 300 miles, and I said, We saw Macy's. He said, Let's go there. I like to do what I call scent shopping. I went, scent shopping? Yeah, I'll find the scent that I like because I feel like I'm gonna see you more. So I'm gonna find the scent that I like to wear, I'll buy it, and you go to the men's section and find the scent you like me to wear.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:55

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

And that's how that happened.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:59

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:00

Yeah, I lost you.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:02

Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:03

Oh no, I can't. Yeah. And so after that scent shopping, um, the next few months we started dating, then I brought him down to meet my whole family. And um, and three years later, yeah, he popped the question on his 70th birthday uh we had for him in the backyard, and it was just shocking, shocking. Yeah, shocking, shocking. And so here we are, five years later.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:29

Five years later. So three years dating, five years marriage, been knowing each other for almost 10 years. Yeah. So how did you know how you know when was that moment in your during this time you when you said, you know what, God really remembered me.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:47

I'm telling you, that's a good question. I know I say that on all of them, but they are good questions. But when he did propose, I was scared. I kept saying, See because I waited so long. How do I know that my mind was going? How do I know this is Him, God? How do I know He's the right one? Give me a sign. Give me a sign. I wanted more than just an ask.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:10

I wanted a sign. Yeah, you show me the signs of what kind of man he was. And when he asked me to come up to his house up north, and I lived in Southern Cal, as you knew, I was telling my family, they said, Well, just be careful. And he said, Give him again my license plate and all this stuff. I I really saw how he treated me when I came to his home. His home was really beautiful. And he said, This will be your room. And you know, he had it all spriced up, and I'll be down the hall if you needed anything. I just thought that was really sweet. And um, but I still, when he's all that mattered, but when he popped the question, I still wanted to make sure, Lord, is it you? Don't have me go this way three and a half years. Is it you? Give me some example, Lord. Because you know, we've seen people, you know, live in a beautiful, you know, when they're courting, then all of a sudden, you know, hell breaks. Everything when you get on apart, right? Everything falls apart when you get under the same roof. And so I'm gonna be honest, I'm not telling women to do this, but it was very helpful to see him in his own home.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:19

And it was, you know, if if you can, I'm not saying to do that, but I was able to look around, I was able to look how he cooked. His sister lived there too. Um, she lived in the bottom part of the house, and so how he cooked, how he took care of her that she had, uh I forgot what she had, but he would always take her to the gym. Um, I watched how he treat his sister. Yes, you know, and he would say, Gwen, time for the gym. Get out of and go to the gym. This is what we do. And I go, Okay. Uh, and how he kept the refrigerator stacked for her, or Gwenda going to the store, what do you need? That really ha that really showed me a lot how he treated his sister.

unknown 1:08:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

You know, and so, but I still was still asking God, is he the one? Is he the one? And when God finally touched me and tapped me, how much, how much more do you need?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:12

Right, right. So when did you finally have peace about it? Like you really was like, Okay, Lord, this is him.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

He proposed on his birthday, which is November 21st, and probably, I'm gonna be honest, sometime in December. Yeah, in December, I just I've been, you know, when you've been single that long, I had to have peace about it. And sure, you know, there was nothing, you know. You know, I and another thing I want to say, you know, sure, you know me. I'm not only am I a minister, and he wasn't a minister, that kept going on in my head. I'm loud when it comes to Jesus. Yes, he's not as loud. That kept coming to my head, you know, why he praised him, he praised him in his own way, and the Lord had to get me even to this day. Let him praise me his way. Sure, he loves me. That's why I said, meet people where they are, not where you want them to be. Right, right, you know, but where we fellowship together, pray together. He grabs my hand sometimes before I can even get him. Wait, honey, wait.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:19

That's so awesome. I love it. Oh my goodness. So it's just such a is there any um, you know, is there anything else about your journey that you want to share with women and men that's maybe listening that may encourage them or just being honest and transparent? Is there anything uh that you want to share that maybe we've missed? Because I know we didn't really go over the questions that I said, you know, I just wanted to flow organically and I wanted you to really be able to be able to share your story without feeling so methodical. But um what would you want to share with with the listeners on today that may encourage them or that maybe you weren't able to share?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:00

A couple things. Um, women and men, before you dive into it, accomplish what you want yourself in life. Um accomplish and know your place with God and your call with God. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a wife or a husband to be called. God has called all of us into something. So already know your call. So when you bring that to the table, they already know where you are in God. So include, you know, in your courting days how God has called you, what he's doing in your life. Not that you're building yourself up, no, because we got to keep status quo. I will also say while you're waiting, keep your mind living for Jesus. Um, even distractions, don't let distractions come, don't let them come. And also, um women, let the man be the man. Don't beat him up. Right, don't be the loud mouth. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I've seen some women just tear them up. Don't don't do that. Let him let him be the man. And man, don't you tear her down and don't go looking at a dress when a dress is in front of you already? Don't be disrespectful.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:23

Yeah, don't do that. Saved or not. Yeah, that was just in the man's blood. Well, I'm blooded.

unknown 1:11:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:30

And look someplace else. That's not very respectful. Her to you or you to her.

unknown 1:11:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:38

You know, and don't yell at him, don't scream at him. And men, don't do that. And when you want to get into yourselves of I'm not talking, well, at least say it. Don't just go on your cubbyhole. Say, you know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna shut down for a minute here and do this. I love when me and my husband can do that. We can be in the house all day long, just like you heard me say, honey, I'm gonna be up here in the office on the on a call. You know, he knows she's gone, she's gone for a couple hours, and I know if he has to do something when he comes to play his guitar and his lessons, and he has students too that he teaches, you know, that's a few hours for me, right? But you get used to that, don't get you know jealous of their time for themselves, right? That you should have a life outside of your spouse, yes, have a life outside of your spouse, even if the life is in the house, right? Yeah, you know, just let them. That's where we rejuvenate, that's where we can hear clear, that's where we re refreshed, and he or she doesn't always have to pray with you. It's good to pray together, don't get me wrong, but sometimes you just go in your own cubbyhole, pray for him silently, pray for her silently, then you come together again, right? You know, but don't try to make them you, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:52

Right, they're their own person. So, what would you say to women and men who feel like it's too late, you know, to be chosen or loved or married?

unknown 1:13:01

What would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:03

I guess my question would be why you feel it's too late, just because you're 70, 80, or because you I don't know. Why would you feel it's late? That's something they would have to answer. Are you going based on age? Right, or are you going that you just you know can't be twisted any other way? This is the way you're melded and molded, I should say, and nobody else can mold you, or you're stuck in your ways. That's what people usually say. Oh, I'm stuck in my ways, right? Well, if you're stuck in your ways, then you don't need to be married, right?

unknown 1:13:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:34

If you're not willing to make adjustments or changes or, you know, compromise certain things, you know, as long as it's not outside of your values and who you are, you know, then you're right. You're not ready to be married. Do you feel like because you have been single for so long, you know, that it was hard for you to make those adjustments, you know, now that you're in the house, you know, you have you've been married for five years. What has been one of the hardest things that you've had to adjust or change or okay, since we've been together five years? Let me think the hardest thing or has it been easy for you right in the middle.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:10

I mean, there's not two hearts. Um I I think probably if you asked Jerome that, he'd have a few because I think he knew I was wild and have a really gregarious personality. He knows I love the Lord and I can scream all over this house praising the Lord. I think he's seen it now to his end, you know, that wow, she really does. She really, I mean, he can see me in church, you know, there and there, but now that we live together, I think too, he would say, like the other day, we have this conversation. He said, Honey, um, he didn't say about my listening skills. He said, But you're so strong. You don't have to be so strong about everything. I go, okay, okay. So I think he would say, She's strong, she's opinionated.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

That's what he would say. He would, you're opinionated, okay. He said, opinionated, and able to accept you and to continue to love you for who you are and not try to change it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:14

I've seen him change though, you know, I can come through the house and I'll be doing something crazy, and now he'll sit there and laugh and start videoing me where before this woman was crazy, you know. So again, it takes time to get used to each other. And for me, to him is that because he was single a while, he does so much for himself, like washes his own clothes still. Um, but for Jerome, I think I'd like him to take a little bit. I'm the outside person, I love to do the outside yard, I love gardening, like I said, and I'll I'm trying to try to get him to come out there. I I guess I would want him to do more gardening with me.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:55

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:56

Yeah, we both are movie buffs, we love movies. So what's which one tonight, or where are we going this week, or senior day, you know? And we'll cut off a movie so quickly, you know. A bad word here and there, but when you go on and on and on, and that's just too much for us. So we both agree on that. And um, yeah, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:20

So if you could speak to your younger self during those waiting years, what would you say to her?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:28

If I could speak to my younger self, what would I say to her? During those waiting years that we're waiting, and I've said this over and over, but it bears repeating women and men of God, or whoever you serve, keep your mind living for the higher power, keep your mind living for Jesus, really, He will come through in due time. Because and I said it again, He's a jealous God, and when you see distractions that come in your life, a distraction that came in my life, I should have let the distractions go more sooner than later. That's where some of the hurt came. So when you see a distraction that's coming that's not good, health-wise, uh emotional-wise, all wise is let it go. Not because he or she looks good or I don't want to be alone, it will do more harm later than good. You have to be strong enough to let whatever that distraction could be, some of the things we've talked about, let it go, let it go kindly, sweetly. Because if you have children, they're looking at you too, or other young people are looking at you. Right, and so I would say that, you know, uh, love yourself, accomplish what you want first, not like I'm all this and I'm doctor and I'm lawyer. No, but accomplish more in self, not titles, but accomplish the woman inside that you are, not titles I'm talking about, accomplish the man that you are, and the man you want to be. And let's say you have a son, the son that you would want to see, you know, the good things in his dad, and same with your daughter or son, you know. So I'm not talking about titles when I say accomplish, but what you desire, what did you desire to look like? What would you desire to be a mate to? You know, if somebody wanted, there are no perfect people, so let me get that wrong. We're all gonna make mistakes. There's no perfect people, but if we were perfect, we wouldn't need the Lord, right? But we can start working on ourselves and molding ourselves to be marriage material, right? Right, yeah, that's what I'd say.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:48

Well, I this has been such an enriching and beautiful conversation and a powerful reminder that love does not have an expiration date. You know, God is faithful, like you said, trust Him. Is there any final thoughts or any final words you want to share with our audience on to on this journey to love land, on this journey to loving themselves, and so they are able to love others and receive and healthy love and be in healthy relationships with not only a partner, but just with others in general, their children, their families.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:19

Yes, because whoever you love ends up loving, covenant in your family, your whole family will be impacted by it. So if you have children, they're gonna be impacted by it. Mother and father, neighbors will be impacted by it. So, not like you will fall in love and marry somebody for your family, but they're gonna become a very important part of your family. So you would ask yourself too, are they family material? Right, you know, not that they have to accept them again, but um I I I just want to say this this chapter about love, the exercise in your love, that love won't fail you. We fell it, you know, and yeah, we fail it because we don't let the love of God completely take over and be in us. Love to allows us to be honorable in that love to the one we're going to love. We want honorable love, not dishonorable love. Amen. We want all of it to come together, and so he will feel me and and and he will feel you. Well, you know what I mean by there. Um, so that's what I'd like to say is love is real, but if we don't have the real love of God, it's hard to really love somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:40

That's so true. Yeah, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:43

That was my ending word. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you so much for you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:48

You're welcome. Thank you. And if you know, for those who are listening on here today, this story, uh, I want you to know that you haven't you're not forgotten. You haven't been forgotten in your intermission, in your time of waiting on God. I want you to be encouraged to wait well. You know, if you're hearing Janetta's story, I hope that this conversation reminds you that your story is still unfolding and your healing still matters to God. And love can find you in any season of your life. It doesn't matter where you are, love can find you. But more than anything, I want you to know why your story isn't over. It's because the one holding the pin hasn't walked away. You know, God is the one that's holding the pin in our story. You know, you see that as you walk on this journey to love land, you know, it's about trusting God and trusting God in your in-between moments in the intermission. But it's very hard to trust in the intermission if you don't really know who God is, if you don't know who the author of your story is, if you've been trying to heal on your own, trying to force your timeline or trying to fill the quiet spaces with things that leave you empty. I want to invite you to the greatest love story you will ever experience in your life. And I want to invite you to those who are listening on here today, if you don't know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I want to invite you, you know, to invite Jesus Christ into your heart. You know, God and God, He didn't just create you to give you a relationship with a person with to get married, but He created you to have a relationship with Him. You know, He loved you so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ and to be the bridge, to be the gap, to heal your brokenness and to give you a hope that no timeline can take away. So accepting, you know, Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior isn't just about becoming perfect, it's about handing over the pen and saying, Lord, I surrender. So I want you to say this today if you want to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Lord, I surrender my timeline, my past heartbreak, and my future to you. I believe that you died for me and I and that you rose for me. And I want you to hit to lead my life in Jesus' name. Amen. So if you prayed that short prayer, I want you to, you know, open your Bible, cry out to God and you know, invite him into your heart, and so he can take over, so he can invite you to where you need to be and to direct you. Janetta, would you like to pray us out um as we end this episode today?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:08

Amen. I'd be honored.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:19

You know, can you pray for those listening?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:21

Amen. I'd be honored. Thank you so much. Father God, we come to you right in the precious name of Jesus. We thank you, oh Father God, for my sister, Lord, and and the efforts she's doing here and what she's doing. Oh Lord, I ask you right now to breathe over Miranda and all that she's doing. She's always had the spirit in her to help women, help women grow up, help women find themselves in you. And Lord, I just bless you for putting that spirit down inside of her, Lord. You've not finished with her yet. In fact, you have good things coming in store with her for her right now. I thank you, Lord, and I pray for her family in the name of Jesus and each woman and each man that's on here, Lord. May they seek your face first while you may be found, where they may find all good things first in you, because you are their comforter, you are their leader, you are their caretaker in the name of Jesus, Lord. I just pray that they come closer to you, draw closer to you, learn about you, have a love for your word. In the name of Jesus, I pray that only you can, only you can what the Lord has put together, what the Lord will put together, let no man put asunder, let no man tear apart what God put together through ups, through downs, through yeses, through no's. God, you can. You are the lover of marriages. Lord, you went to the first marriage in Cana and you turned the water into wine. That means you love marriages. You wanted them to have a good time, you wanted them to enjoy themselves. And God, you want that for us by sending your son Jesus Christ. And so, Lord, I right now I ask again in your holy name that you would bless my sister, Lord. Give her all the hope, all the happiness, Lord, that first comes from you through her marriage. In the name of Jesus, think not ill of anybody else that is. Think hope. Just think hope. Hope. The Bible says hope is the essence of things. No, it says faith is the essence of things to hope for and the evidence of things you cannot see. So, ladies and gentlemen, you might not see it, but hope, hope in Christ Jesus for what you can't see because your day too will come. We ask you, Lord, right now to continue to be with my sister, bless her, keep her, open up doors for her, and maybe somebody on here will grow closer to you. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen and amen.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:51

Amen. Thank you so much. And I really appreciate you being here. It's been a pleasure and an honor that you uh accepted the invitation and hearing your story has blessed me. And I know it's gonna bless those that hear this. So, today, those listening, if this episode gave you hope, please share it with your friends who need to be reminded that God hasn't forgotten about them. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a step in this journey. So, this is the Journey to Loveland Podcast, a part of the Chicology Collective. And thank you all so much. I look forward to seeing you next time, friends. Be blessed and be encouraged and have a great day.