7. 5 Lessons Life Has Humbled Me with Lately

What actually happens after you decide who you want to become?

In this episode, I’m sharing a real-time look at what it has felt like to step into a completely new identity and the uncomfortable, confronting, and surprisingly healing lessons that have come with it.

From visibility and social media, to fitness, rest, safety, people pleasing, and learning to hold nuance instead of black-and-white thinking. This season of my life has stretched me in ways I didn’t expect.

In this episode:

• why “being tested” may actually be an opportunity to practice your new identity
• what I’m learning about visibility, confidence, and stepping into my “spotlight era”
• the surprising identity shifts showing up through fitness, rest, and productivity
• how social media has mirrored some of my deepest fears and shadows
• the importance of making space for the present instead of constantly living in the future
• learning to embrace nuance, gray areas, and being misunderstood

This episode is honest, reflective, and deeply in-process, because that’s what real transformation often looks like.

If you’re currently navigating a transition, redefining yourself, or feeling the tension between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.

Ready for your next chapter?

Work with me → https://www.bestheryet.com/work-with-me
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/bestheryet
Website → https://www.bestheryet.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Best Hair Yet Podcast. I'm your host, Lindsay. This is a space for women navigating change, growth, and next chapters and learning how to fall in love with what's next. Here we explore real tools that support becoming, from internal healing practices to the external supports that shape everyday life, like nourishment, finances, and the spaces we live in. You'll hear from me and from women who've walked through their own transitions and are now living on the other side of them. I'm so glad you're here. Let's begin. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about the personal journey that I'm on right now and go a little bit behind the scenes of this and talk about some of the in-the-moment life lessons that I have been learning as I have been stretching myself to step into this new identity that I have identified for myself. It's really common as you are stepping into a new identity for especially when you're like right at the edge of between the old and the new, to have a lot of things come up to really validate that you do want this new identity. So a lot of people talk about this as essentially being tested by the universe, God, whoever. I don't necessarily like that framing. I prefer to think of it more as the universe is providing opportunities for you to validate that you are, in fact, this new identity that you are saying that you are. And if you really think about it, it's really actually giving you the opportunity to practice this new identity and to get past this discomfort to really embody this new version of yourself that you have declared that you are. I'm definitely feeling like I'm getting an abundant amount of opportunities to claim and reclaim this new identity that I say that I am. And I'm not gonna lie, it is hard. It is hard, at least at times, to step out of the comfort and safety of my previous identity and do the uncomfortable thing that I know this new identity would be. I recently went through the process that I do in my next chapter coaching, and the summary of it is I am stepping into my spotlight CEO era. And with that, obviously, comes a lot more visibility. Visibility in places both physical and digital that are often past my comfort level. And I know that this version, like when I close my eyes and envision myself in let's say two years from now, she is so badass, confident on the stage, talking to lots of people, talking to large audiences, and so comfortable in that space, being in that spotlight. And historically, that has definitely not been something that I have been comfortable with in the identities that I've held. So in this identity work, I believe you have to claim that identity for it to come. Meaning, if you constantly think and say, I am becoming this version of myself, if you use that like future tense verbiage, it's always gonna stay in the future, which is why it's so important. And I end my coaching in claiming this is who I am now. This is my identity now, this is who I am. I am no longer this previous version, and I am no longer stepping into this new chapter. It is happening right now. And depending on how far you're stretching yourself in this new identity, there is going to be some lag time in reality catching up to that. And these are the moments where you do get these opportunities to practice this new identity. And it's okay if you're not showing up perfect. I I've actually joked with a couple people lately that I feel like I've just been inundated with these opportunities to present in this new identity of mine. And I feel like how I've been handling some of them, the universe is like, nope, try again, nope, try again, nope, try again. Like every single time I feel like I inch my way closer, but it's still not quite where I know this new identity would be and handle these situations. And that's okay. I think that's part of this experience, that's part of the learning and growing and getting comfortable. I know I've talked about like taking these baby steps. So that's the approach that I'm feeling like I have to do with this new identity for myself is stretch myself in baby steps because if I went from zero to a hundred, it would be like way too far out of my comfort zone that it would just like I would probably revert backwards rather than forwards, which is why you need to take these steps that like stretch yourself a little bit outside of your comfort zone, but still feel doable and achievable. So I wanted to talk about some of the things that have come up for me that I keep saying that have humbled me and have been really helpful learning experiences, life lessons as I'm going through this transition and fully embodying this new identity of mine. So the first one, as I have mentioned, is I am really intentionally stepping into my power, reclaiming my power, again, calling it my spotlight era. And I'm not gonna lie, this version of myself, this new identity that I'm claiming, has definitely been the hardest one yet, which makes sense. I think women in general are kind of told to not claim their power. So we have decades and decades of messages and experiences that are the opposite of this. So I'm really undoing a lot of subconscious and unconscious beliefs in myself as I am claiming this identity. So of course it's not going to be easy and it's going to be uncomfortable. I kind of got called out recently. Um, I'm in like a mindset membership, and I was talking about this, and the feedback was essentially like, yes, you say that you're claiming it, that you've done the work, that you have stepped into this, but you haven't. And it was kind of hard to hear, but as I sat with that, I realized it's sort of like a yes and statement. Like, yes, I have done the work, and yes, there have been a lot of moments where I have showed up in this identity. And I've been really, really proud of that. And there are still some spaces, places, dynamics in my life where I'm still holding back and still playing small, if you will. And when that happens, it essentially creates this internal confusion of wait, you're telling yourself that you're this new identity, this is who you are, and yet you're still choosing actions that don't align with that new identity. And this has been a really powerful lesson for me in this current time that I'm in in my life of like I've kind of almost been trying to trick my mind and my beliefs of like it's okay in these arenas in my life to really claim that power and show up. But in these other arenas in my life, I'm not open to that yet. And that's not really how this works. And I feel like I am getting messages through so many different people and spaces and experiences in my own mindset to say, I need to go all in. I need to trust that I am supported and protected in this new identity, that I will be safe. Safety is a huge, huge thing for me. Like the root of all of my limiting beliefs and fears and anxiety all stem around safety. And I've known this for a really long time, and I feel like I'm finally at the point, as scary as it is, to face that and stretch beyond it. So just to get an idea of what I'm doing, again, like going back to the baby steps, is I have promised myself for the next month I will fully show up in this new identity. Like my brain can accept that a lot easier, like at this moment, than me telling myself, okay, you're this new identity forever. You're never going to be able to play small again. That like forever infinity language just causes a lot of overwhelm and discomfort in my mind and my body still. But for me to say, just practice it, just like it's just kind of like an experiment for this next month of just kind of see what happens when you show up in this new identity fully and see how your internal changes, see how the response of the external people and opportunities and everything like that. Use it as an opportunity to get some data on what this looks like, what this feels like. Fully be in this power that you are claiming you are in. That mindset and approach feels a lot more digestible, like in this moment where I'm at, than again going from like the zero to a hundred approach. The second one is related to this, it is social media. Social media has been a really interesting mirror to me through claiming this new identity. I very intentionally have been using social media and this podcast, so like content creation, really, but I'm gonna focus on social media as a tool to stretch myself. Again, spotlight era visibility, showing up, being on camera. Social media is a great tool for that, and it has been a mirror to so many of my shadows that I have had to work through, and I'm still working through. So the obvious one is getting comfortable being in the spotlight, being on camera, being seen, being visible. Another big one is time. Social media content creation takes a lot of time to create. The coming up with a concept, the planning it, the creating it, the editing it. And I have recently come to a point where I have kind of just been following the general quote unquote best practices for showing up on social media. Like you constantly hear, you have to show up every day, you have to be clear on who you're talking about, what you're talking about, always have a call to action. Like I have been trying to follow this very, I would say a very like masculine energy approach to content creation on social media. And I have stopped and asked myself recently, why am I doing this? What is the purpose? What is the role that social media plays in my business, in my growth, in building a community? And I'm realizing trying to approach it in this way that other people are telling me to do so when it doesn't feel good to me is actually hindering my social media growth because the energy I'm creating, at least a fair amount of my content, is I don't have time for this, that type of energy and mindset, which even if you can't necessarily feel it in my content, I do believe that there's kind of like this energy that people pick up through other people's content creation. And I don't necessarily have all the answers of what this looks like now, but I am going to slow down a bit on social media in this next month and really take that time to reflect on what feels good for me. How can I use this as a tool that benefits me, my personal growth, my business, and clients and potential clients? I definitely have been experimenting in the type of content that feels good for me. And it's really interesting because the pieces of content that I have created that I've been like, it's almost been this mindset of like, I don't even care the type of engagement because that was so fun for me to create. And I'm just like, I have intrinsic joy and value as I'm posting this because it feels really good and aligned to me. And sometimes I do have that feeling posting something and it doesn't get a lot of engagement, but I am trying to learn to detach from these metrics that we are told are so valuable, or these metrics that we are told are so crucial in business success, because I don't actually at my core think that's true. But it has been interesting because the posts that I get a lot of engagement from and even some additional follows from, it doesn't necessarily equal an engaged community. And I think that's the lesson that I am being forced to learn, or one of the many lessons that I'm being forced to learn through social media right now, is just because I am being told that that is the place, the avenue to get clients, that has not been my experience. I don't think I even want that to be my experience, at least like the primary place to be getting clients from. And again, shifting my mindset to how is this a tool for my personal growth? And it's a really amazing space and tool to show my community the growth that I am personally experiencing, which will never end, but it's really putting my actions where my words are, meaning, like, this is what I preach, this is what I talk about, that we're always growing, we're always evolving, we're always expanding, we're always learning new life lessons, and I want to showcase that to my community and show like I love helping you all navigate these experiences, and I also go through these experiences myself, and here's a bit of what that looks like. The next one is something that I really recently have been forced to look at, and that is my fitness journey. This has been a really hard and confronting one for me because fitness was so tied in to previous identities that I've held. Really, as I think about it, it's been kind of like a core part of my identity for the last two decades. That's a that's a lot of time. And I've recently been faced with the reality that I've been trying so hard to hold on to this version of my past identity through approaching fitness the way I did before I had kids. Like continuing to set the bar in expectation of how I approach fitness and physical activity before I had kids is just like insane to me. And logically I knew that, but I just was having such a hard time acknowledging it and being willing to adjust my views on this. My oldest is three and a half, and my youngest is 20 months. So that's what like four plus years since I got pregnant with my first one, and then over a year and a half of having two little kids that I'm taking care of by myself primarily, and still having this big looming expectation that I need to work out every day, I need to work out hard. And essentially, my body is just like it has been giving me these little signals that I can't handle this, I'm not ready for this, like, please just let me rest. And I was not listening, like I would just continue to wake up early, push through it. Just like this mental block that I couldn't get over that I need to work out every morning. That is a part of my routine, that's a part of my identity, and I'm not willing to let it go. And I feel like I have just reached the point of exhaustion that I have for the past few weeks been letting myself sleep in rather than work out, at least for some of the days. And like this small little action has been a really interesting door for me to open up and force myself to look at how I'm approaching fitness. Because if I'm honest, my weight is higher than what it was before I had kids. And I so badly have been wanting to get back to that old body, that old version of myself. So I've been pushing myself and pushing myself, and I've had to stop and reflect and say, you've been doing this, you've been exhausting yourself and pushing yourself way beyond where you should, and yet your weight's not budging. So maybe, just maybe, this isn't the right approach. Maybe, just maybe, you need to rest instead. You need to let your body rest. It has been through a lot in the last couple of years, and HIT workouts are probably not the best thing for your body right now. So, as I've been having these realizations and kind of playing around with a different approach to physical activity these days, it's just been such an interesting way for my old identity to come into play without me even realizing it. Like identities can be really sneaky in that way, where I have defined this what I'm calling my spotlight era identity that she feels good in her body. She feels confident. And I have equated that to how this old identity has defined that by eating a certain way and moving a certain way. And I'm feeling this new identity continually provide opportunities to be like, nope, you're not getting it, you're not getting it. Not quite there. Like, this isn't quite what I meant by that. How you have historically approached eating in movement are not going to be in alignment with this new identity. And this is something that you're gonna have to deconstruct and really look at how can this better serve me to show up fully in my power in this new identity. As I mentioned earlier, I maybe like a month or so ago, I went through my next chapter coaching process with myself. And there was a really interesting dichotomy when it came to my final identity statement, in that this spotlight era, it's all about showing up, new opportunities, being visible in spaces, taking on leadership roles. And there was this other part of it of like making space for nothingness, if I'm being honest. Like just space to recharge, if you will. And leaving space for in the moment decisions rather than every second of every day being pre-planned out ahead of time and not in alignment with how I'm necessarily energetically feeling that day. And oh boy, has this been a tough one for me. I am so type A and I am so routine-oriented. And again, I feel like this is like the new identity creating opportunities to show me over and over again that this is a part of your past identities that you're gonna have to evolve or let go of to fully step into this new identity. One example that comes to mind with this concept of making space is historically I've always approached rest as like once everything on my list is checked off, then it's time to rest. Once everything's done, I need to get everything done, I need to push through, and my reward is rest for getting those things done. But guess what? Things are never done. There's always more and more that gets added, especially with two little kids in the mix. And this has forced me to shift my thinking on rest and making space in my life as more like micro moments of it rather than this big grand half a day to relax once everything is done mindset, which is how I have historically approached this. So this often looks like just even like five or ten minute increments of doing something for me. So that could be going for a walk or doing a meditation or sometimes watching a TV show for a few minutes. Sadly, just making space to eat a meal without doing something productive while I'm doing it, like working through lunch, that type of thing. It could be still waking up at an earlier time than my kids, but instead of filling that with an intense workout right away in the morning, it's having an intentionally slow morning of making coffee, listening to a meditation, or like even a podcast that sets my day up in a way that feels really good. And just looking outside at the beautiful view or looking at the space around me, the physical environment, our home that I have created, and just acknowledging how far I have come in the past couple years and making space for that reflection, that calm, that presentness in my life that I historically have not been very good at. I generally live in the past or the future. I have a really hard time living in the present, and that is something that, with this new identity of becoming a mother, has been really important for me to address. And figure out how to approach differently in my life to be present in the young years for my boys. The last one, the last one is a bit spicy, a bit controversial. Um, actually, even before I go into it, I just want to preface it with I am always growing, I am always evolving, and my perspective on things, my understanding of things are always growing and expanding and shifting based off my experiences and interactions with the world around me, with the people around me. So if anything I do say sounds confronting or just you have a different perspective on it, I'm always open to hearing it. I always want to learn and grow and better understand the worlds that I'm in, both internally in myself, in my thoughts, and my perspectives and the experiences of others around me. So the last one is things are very rarely black and white and really learning to embrace the gray. For me and my thinking, this has looked a lot like using and statements. This and this. Both things can be true. Multiple things can be true at once. Even if they are like conflicting of each other, it is possible for both to be true at the same time. And it's very natural for our human brain to want a clear, direct, black and white answer. And I am just learning through multiple experiences, multiple kind of arenas in life, both my personal growth, my interactions with others, politics, religion, things like that, where oftentimes people are very worked up on I am right, you are wrong. I have put myself intentionally in spaces that do not align with how I think about some of these subjects and that have different perspectives than I do on these touchy subjects like politics and religion, and even things like mindset work and trauma and how to approach trauma. I love understanding how people got to the perspective or outcome that they did, especially if it doesn't come to the same conclusion that I personally do. And I have found this to actually be a really healthy and exciting space to be in. More often than not, I have actually found that the true desire out of whatever action that they've taken, like the outcome that they want, it's actually very often the same. It's just a different perspective on the road to get to that outcome. And I am taking these experiences as a learning opportunity because I think this gray area is something that I am going to have to hold more and more as I step into visibility, into the spotlight, that not everyone is going to have the same perspective or agree with me. And I have to be okay with that. I have to hold firmly in my truth and accept that it is not everyone else's truth. That not everyone, again, is going to agree with me or understand me, and that's okay. In previous identities, I have definitely operated as a people pleaser, is probably the best like summary of this past identity. And I've wanted everyone to like me and to be everyone's friend. And this new identity is asking me to step outside of that, to get comfortable with not pleasing everyone. In fact, embracing it because that means I actually have a perspective and a point of view on things. So, in conclusion, this new identity is really humbling me. No, but I wanted to talk about some of the messiness that I'm experiencing as I embody this new version of myself because I want to validate that it's not easy, that a lot of confronting things are going to come up, and you have to decide over and over and over again am I this new identity or am I gonna waver? Or is it too scary? And again, rather than viewing these as tests, view them as opportunities. As these lessons come up, take the time to pause and ask yourself, does this fit the new identity, or is this the old identity fighting to stay? And you can say no. And you can approach things and think about things differently, and that's okay. Oftentimes when you get confronted in some of these beliefs or parts of your identity that you haven't questioned, that is a really good sign that you're on the right track. The fact that a lot of this stuff I haven't even like thought to pause and think about and ask myself, does this still feel aligned with who I am now and where I'm going? And that is validation that you are doing the work, that you are open to this identity that you have defined, that you are serious, that you are claiming this identity, and that that often means creating space for the new by letting go of some of the old rather than just adding on top of it. And this is the process. This is not a setback, this is what it looks like for things to shift. So I hope if you are in this type of transition as well, that you trust it and embrace it and know that it's validation, that you are on the right track. If you all want me to keep you updated on my personal experience and growth and transition with this new identity, definitely let me know. I have also been kind of playing around with different types of approaches to podcasts, and I would love your feedback on which ones you have been enjoying, what you want more of topics. If you have any questions for me or any specific things that you want me to dive deeper into, I would love to hear that. Slide into my DMs, would love to see you there, and I will see you next time.