Uniquely Wired Child

The ADHD Story You Don’t Hear: Growing Up, Masking, and Making It Work

• Kristan Shimpi, Ph.D.

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0:00 | 29:14

On paper, she looked successful.

But behind the scenes, it took far more effort than anyone realized.

In this episode, I’m joined by a college senior in a nursing program who was diagnosed with ADHD at just six years old. Together, we talk about what ADHD actually looks like over time, not just in early childhood, but through middle school, high school, and into college.

She shares what it felt like to grow up with a diagnosis that didn’t quite match her identity… and what she wishes adults had understood along the way.

This is an honest, reflective conversation about effort, expectations, and the gap between what others see and what’s really happening underneath.

If you’ve ever wondered what ADHD can look like beyond the stereotypes (especially in girls) this episode offers a perspective we don’t hear often enough.


🔑 What We Talk About

  • Being diagnosed with ADHD at a young age 
  • Why ADHD didn’t match how she saw herself 
  • The hidden effort behind “doing well” in school 
  • How expectations shift from childhood to college 
  • What adults often miss when supporting kids with ADHD 
  • What she wishes teachers and parents had understood 


💬 A Note for Parents

If your child seems to be “doing fine” on the surface but struggles behind the scenes, you’re not alone.

So many kids (especially girls) learn to compensate in ways that mask what they actually need.


🎧 Listen & Follow

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.


🔗 Connect & Resources


⭐ If This Episode Resonated

Share it with a parent who needs to hear this perspective and consider leaving a review to help more families find this work.

 

 

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to Educating the Uniquely Wired Child. I'm Dr. Kristen Schimpe, an educational consultant, writer, former school-based behavior specialist, and someone who has spent years sitting across from parents who were told their child was doing fine, while everything at home told a very different story. And if you're a parent listening and thinking, this feels familiar, I've created a space for conversations like this to continue with other parents who get it. I'll share more about that at the end of this episode. If you've ever wondered what ADHD actually looks like over time, not just in elementary school, but into high school, college, and beyond, this episode is for you. Today I'm joined by a college student entering her senior year in a nursing program at a large public university in North Carolina. She was diagnosed with ADHD at just six years old and has been navigating school expectations and identity ever since. On paper, she looks successful, but in this conversation, she shares what it really takes behind the scenes to keep up and what she wishes adults had understood earlier. So let's get into it. Welcome, Michelle, and thanks for being here today to chat with me.

SPEAKER_01

Hi, thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00

All right, so tell me a little bit about you. I know that you're studying nursing. What is it that you love about nursing and what made you make that choice?

SPEAKER_01

This is a very great question. I love getting asked this question, but it's a long story. But to start with, my mom was a nurse, so growing up, that helped a lot just inspire me. And she was just very nurturing and caring. But when I was little throughout my childhood, I would say I've been hospitalized about eight times with recurrent pneumonia. And I was just in and out of the hospital a lot growing up. And I just realized how nice those nurses were and how they've literally done so much for me. And I was just like sitting thinking to myself, I really want to do that. I want to be that person that you're having the worst day of your life, probably. And I just want to be that face that they see to say, hey, I'm here to take care of you.

SPEAKER_00

And it's such an important role because the doctor comes in and does their thing, but it's really the nurse that's the one that is the nurturing and the caretaker in a hospital setting.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

All right. So you were diagnosed with ADHD when you were six. So what do you know about that time in your life? And when you were growing up, how was ADHD explained to you?

SPEAKER_01

That's a good question. I was diagnosed actually with ADD, which is no longer really a correct term anymore, but that's actually what is still written in my chart. So growing up, ADHD was explained to me like you can't sit still, you can't focus, you can't just, you just fidget all the time. That's just all you do, is just fidget. But I never had any of those symptoms. Like, sure, I fidgeted sometimes, especially when I was younger, but I mainly present ADHD or ADD in a way that's like inattentive and honestly can be perceived as lazy. I don't have the hyperactivity part of it. Um, so it's just mainly lack of motivation, like when I have to do certain tasks. And growing up, I got called lazy a lot. And I always thought I was, but it turns out when I got older that I actually wasn't. And it that is a huge sign of ADD instead of ADHD.

SPEAKER_00

Got it. And just to for your reference point, the way that it's written and managed is you're either ADHD combined type, which means that you have the inattention and the hyperactivity, or inattentive type, which is what you were sharing. That would be where you would fall under. And it's interesting that you said that people perceived you as lazy. And and everybody struggles with non-preferred tasks. Everybody has things that they would prefer to do over others. But I think what makes it trickier when you have ADHD is that people without ADHD can focus and sustain attention on those non-preferred tasks. But if that's something that you're struggling with at baseline, even for things that you do enjoy, then trying to muster up enough of that ability for non-preferred tasks is really, it can be really challenging. And I hate that that you felt like that was who you were, right? That you were lazy and there wasn't really an explanation of that wasn't what it was. It was actually that your brain is different from from other people's. So let's talk about the school years. So what did school feel like for you? Not just academics, what did school feel like?

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, I've always hated school. School has felt like a chore to me since day one, no matter if I like actually am interested in something I'm learning or just don't want to be there. It's always felt like a chore. Even now in college, like nursing is a passion of mine, but even studying and doing assignments, even if they're interesting, it just feels like a chore.

SPEAKER_00

And I don't think schools were designed for kids with ADHD, right? You're expected to sit for long periods of time and listen to someone speak, sometimes with visual aids, other times without. So it's not a place that was designed for kids with ADHD. So do you feel like that you were someone who looked fine at school? So do you think when people saw you at school, like teachers, do you think they thought you were fine or did the whole lazy characteristic carry over into school as well?

SPEAKER_01

It did. To my peers, I looked fine, normal. But according to my teachers, especially on like how I would perform on tests or how I would be inattentive in class, they would actually contact my parents and tell them, hey, your child's struggling in school. I think you guys need to go see a doctor and all this stuff. That's actually how I got diagnosed with ADHD was through a teacher recommendation for that. But I looked fine on the outside, like just looking at me, how I would act, talk in social situations and stuff. But on paper, and before I got put on medication for ADHD, I was not fine. Definitely was not.

SPEAKER_00

And we're gonna talk about medication in a second, but what would, when you think back, what took the most effort that people didn't see?

SPEAKER_01

Definitely self-discipline that I had to have within myself to even just do basic tasks that they could do easily. I honestly felt very left out, for lack of a better word, or even embarrassed because I was different from my peers, because I really had to work so hard to do basic stuff that they could do just on the school bus, or just even at parts where we would have downtime, like recess, stuff like that, if they needed to catch up on something, like they could just do it really fast. But I just I couldn't do that.

SPEAKER_00

So let's talk about medication. So you shared that you've been on medication since you were young. And so what has that been like over time?

SPEAKER_01

So that's actually a really good question. So I actually was put on medication at six years old. I was put on Adderall, and for years, that was actually the wrong medication for me. And I didn't figure it out until I graduated high school that it was the wrong medication. I had a bunch of side effects that I thought were quote unquote normal because I was six and I didn't really understand what a side effect was. I didn't understand that wasn't normal. And I just grew up with it over time. So I would have poor blood circulation in my legs from the medicine. I would have depressive episodes from the medicine. And I didn't even have depression at the time. And I just thought all of that was normal, but it wasn't. And then when I went to high school, I was like, huh. And I was learning about all this medicine and nursing and stuff. I was like, this actually isn't normal. Let me go talk to my doctor. So then I got put on a different medication called Vivance. It's just like ADHD, or sorry, it's just like Adderall, but without the side effects, it's like a better version of it for some people. And that was a much better medication for me. But growing up, it was not fun. It was definitely not good.

SPEAKER_00

Do you think so you had the side effects in which you thought were just kind of part of part of life? But did the Adderall did it help you with your focus and attention at school?

SPEAKER_01

It did. It actually did a very good job of that. I definitely had a price to pay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So that's really sad because thinking back to all of those years that you were suffering silently and not knowing that that it was something that you didn't have to struggle with. And but I guess it's better that you eventually figured it out. But that's a good information in terms of when parents and kids do go to the doctor, uh, just how important it is to share those things, right? Even if you think it might be normal, but still sharing, because maybe if you had shared, then you know your treating physician could have put it together that it was side effects from the medication. But it sounds like that even though it wasn't the right medication, it did do what it was supposed to do in terms of the focus and attention.

SPEAKER_01

Right. On paper it did. And I also feel our perception of ADHD now compared to, oh gosh, when was that? Probably like early 2000s, 2010 has changed so much. They instead of putting kids on medication like they used to, now they're doing newer approaches with trying therapy first before medication and all that. So it's definitely changed throughout time too.

SPEAKER_00

That's that is really important because that awareness piece was not there when you were getting diagnosed. And I worked on the first longitudinal study comparing different treatments for ADHD. That that study started in the mid-90s. So to your point, that that awareness wasn't there. We were just learning what the most effective treatments were. So that means that people weren't having conversations about it before. All right, so transitioning to college, what was the biggest shift when you got to college?

SPEAKER_01

I feel like anybody can say this, but just living on your own, having to like cook for yourself and stuff like that. Just living without really any guidance from anyone else was a big change, but not that it was hard. It's just it had to have, again, more focus on even little things in my life. And it made everything else seem more like a chore, like cooking, cleaning, which are chores, but it was just even more of a burden almost, something that I did have to get used to. But thankfully I am accustomed to it now. But definitely when I was transitioning to college, that was a big struggle for me.

SPEAKER_00

Because moms often do a lot in terms of helping with those organizational things and to to not to no longer have that. I remember when my oldest went to college, I stressed to him, I am your alarm clock and I'm not going to be with you in college. So you're gonna have to figure out a system to get up in the morning and get to where you where you need to be. Do you think that there were anything, anything that you felt like got easier when you were in college?

SPEAKER_01

Yes. So I actually give all the credit to nursing school for this, but I felt feel like I can now time manage much better, mostly because I was forced to, because nursing school is really hard and you have to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. You learn that very quickly. But I'm much better at managing, okay, so I'm gonna do work on this assignment in the morning, and then later I can study this topic instead of locking off a whole day of, oh, I only have to study. But no, I'm like, oh, I can study a little bit in the morning, hang out with friends later, and then get back into it later in the day if I need to. So that's definitely become a lot easier since I got to college and in nursing school.

SPEAKER_00

Interesting that your major can be something that, you know, provides that support. And maybe it's also maybe it's easier because it's something that you're interested in and that you are learning very specific skills for your career. And so that's I'm sure that's motivating in terms of thinking about that time management and scheduling. So have you started your clinicals?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I'm actually almost done with four clinical rotations so far.

SPEAKER_00

And how do you feel like that those have been for you in terms of because that's more hands-on experience versus the traditional book learning? So do you feel like that doing those hands-on type activities are something that would be a strength of yours or something that you've struggled with? Or maybe it depends on which one it is. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Doing clinicals for me was actually like, believe it or not, a breath of fresh air because it was so hands-on. And that's just how I learn. I learn better hands-on because it's not, it's not like a chore of an assignment or like studying from a book. It's to me, in my mind, it's not a chore. So it actually gave me a lot of hope in terms of, oh, I think I would really like doing this every day. I think I could really get into this, I could really make a routine out of it. Um, even though I'm having different cases with different patients, different people, but it's the principle of getting into a routine every day that isn't really writing on paper or studying or something like that has like long hours of required focus on one specific thing. It's like different things. And I'm I thrive in multitasking. So I think that's also helped me a lot too.

SPEAKER_00

Interesting. So you are at a big university. Did you disclose your ADHD when you were accepted into the nursing program? Or is that something you've managed on your own?

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I actually did have an incident where I had to disclose that I had ADHD. They took that very seriously and they actually recommended me to our ORS accommodation program, which is basically just accommodating people academically to any medical conditions they may have or physical conditions that they may have, anything like that. But I was like, okay, I'm great that I have, I'm grateful that I have that option, but I mainly managed on my own because I've made it so far. And I figured I didn't really necessarily need it, but I did have that option and I was very grateful for it. But I've actually done pretty well without it. But yes, I did have that option brought to me.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. So somebody looked at your grades. I know that you were accepted into the nursing program and they required a really high GPA in order for you to get the priority admissions. So you have good grades. So if someone looked at your grades, what do you think that they would assume about you?

SPEAKER_01

They would probably assume that I'm a very good student and essentially half my life together, which is far from the truth. But I can almost a hundred percent give that credit to my medication. It is a night and day difference of when I take it versus if I forget it one morning. Like it's just I absolutely cannot do anything if I forget it. But when I do take it, since I have the right one, it's much easier for me to be able to sit down, focus, listen to what the teacher's saying for hours. And yeah, it's just it's been a lot better since I got to college and made that medication transition.

SPEAKER_00

But it it's also something that which was probably different in high school, but you have to manage your medication yourself, right? Exactly. Right. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so let's talk about we've talked a little bit about motivation, but let's talk about systems. So what are some things that you do to help you stay on track?

SPEAKER_01

So I have actually a friend recommended this to me, which was very helpful. I forget what it's called. I know there's a name for it, but it's where you take a timer and you set it for 25-minute increments. And in between those increments, there's five-minute timers for breaks. So you work on work for 25 minutes, and then you take a break for five minutes, and then it repeats for however long you need it to. And that has really helped me because I'm like, I have the temptation to want to pick up my phone or want to do something else. But then I look at the timer and I'm like, oh, it's not time to do that yet. I can do that in about six minutes or so, or whatever the timer's at. And that has really helped me a lot too.

SPEAKER_00

And I bet too, if you think about it in 25 minute chunks, then it might feel less overwhelming. Yes, exactly. So what are some things? Have you tried anything that absolutely just did not work for you?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, definitely. I've tried writing out things that I need to learn, which I've very quickly figured out that I just it is just too much for me. It's just too, like I said, too much like a chore. Like I just don't want to do it. It makes me lose motivation. And it honestly contributes to burnout for me. So what I do instead is I type. Instead of write, I type repeatedly. So if I need to know a fact, I will type it over and over again until I don't need to look at a reference to know what I'm typing. So I have it completely memorized.

SPEAKER_00

So there's a difference between the mechanics of writing and typing. It's interesting. Yes. Exactly. So let's talk a little bit about support. So thinking about teachers, professors that made a difference in your success. Have you had any of those?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So I will never forget. I was in fourth grade and I had this teacher. She knew that I had ADHD and she knew that I was struggling. So she would actually come over to my house and tutor me back when they used to do that. And I think that has helped me more than anything. That quite literally set up the foundations for things like math, reading, anything like that. Cause she actually like accustomed her teaching to me personally instead of just talking to a group of kids. It was me and only me. And she could actually pinpoint what I needed help with, where I needed help with, and stuff like that. It was just, it was amazing.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. And think about how different things could have been if you didn't have that fourth grade teacher.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Like I I don't know where I would be right now if it wasn't for her, if I'm being honest.

SPEAKER_00

And it sounds like that what you needed was just that one-on-one instruction and that was designed for you, not just the common core curriculum that everybody gets, and you get it all in the same way. And that doesn't work for all students.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly, right. What about any professors? And I do go to such a huge school, it is hard to connect with professors one-on-one like that. But there was one professor during my nursing skills lab, so that's more of a hands-on kind of class. She noticed like I was, I couldn't understand how to like correctly have the correct technique for something. I think it was auscultating lungs or something like that. And she was like, here, let me show you like one-on-one. And that it was again that one-on-one thing that really helped me with what I needed to know.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. So let's talk about identity and self-understanding. How has your understanding of ADHD changed as you've gotten older?

SPEAKER_01

I definitely learned the different types of ADHD as I got older, especially in nursing school. They do teach that. Like I said, I thought ADHD was just fidgeting, can't sit still, can't like you're just talking really fast, bouncing off the walls, kind of thing. And I just never really felt connected with that because I just don't present that way. And then when I got to nursing school, they went into super in-depth about ADHD, and especially when I got to my pediatric unit, about how kids can present differently, especially girls, how girls can present differently too, which I'm very thankful that they teach that, because that really needs to be taught more than anything. So as I've gotten older, it's definitely changed. Okay, maybe I don't have the hyperactivity, and maybe I'm actually not lazy. Maybe I'm just I just can't focus and I just have motivational issues more than actually being lazy.

SPEAKER_00

Well, and I think that the typical kid with ADHD, what people think about hyperactive, can't sit still fidgeting, like you said. More boys present that way than girls. And you know, that it's if you're daydreaming and can't focus, teachers might miss that because it's not that outward behavior that that teachers have to pay attention to because it's disruptive for the classroom. Exactly. Do you see your ADHD as a strength, a challenge, or maybe a combination of both?

SPEAKER_01

I definitely see it as a combination. There are some cases where, like I said, I thrive in tasking, and that is definitely a strength of mine. I can process like different things going on at the same time. I'm pretty good at keeping track of those things going on simultaneously. But a challenge for me with ADHD is I am extremely forgetful. I I forget things very quickly, and I do make a lot of mistakes because of that. And it wasn't until later that I found out that was actually a really big symptom of ADHD, especially in women, was being forgetful.

SPEAKER_00

Interesting. So advice for parents. What would you want parents of younger kids with ADHD to understand? Or maybe something that you might say as a nurse to a family?

SPEAKER_01

I would definitely recommend starting therapy first instead of putting them on a medication of any sort if they don't quite know if they need it yet. I would definitely save medication as a last resort kind of thing. But of course, it's if you need it. But I would definitely say therapy should be the very first avenue that they should go down.

SPEAKER_00

Because it might be that that child can learn coping skills or strategies to help with their focus and attention. And you're you're gonna need those with or without medication. So why not try those strategies first to see if they make a difference? What do you wish adults had understood about you earlier? I think you've the theme of people thinking you thinking of you as lazy, right? So maybe around that.

SPEAKER_01

What do you I really wish, and maybe this is a systemic kind of issue, but I really wish people would see ADHD as not really a condition, but as, oh, this is just something that you have to live with. Because when I would tell people that I had ADHD, they viewed me a little bit differently, maybe like subtly or subconsciously, they would just be like, oh, okay, I'm gonna assign this task to maybe somebody else. Or oh, you can't really execute that task as well as someone who doesn't have that might be able to. So I really wish people would understand that more as not like a disability, but as more of just a condition.

SPEAKER_00

Or just a learning difference. And different doesn't have to be less than. Mm-hmm. Exactly. So this is exactly why I do this work. Because parents, what you've heard today, the effort, the stress, the systems that she had to build all on her own. This doesn't start in college. It starts much earlier. And most parents are trying to figure this out quietly, behind closed doors, without a space to process what they're seeing. And that's why I created the parent community, a place for parents raising uniquely wired children, especially girls, to connect, learn, and build systems that actually support their kids. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, this sounds like my child, you don't have to figure this out alone. You can find the link to join the parent community along with my family systems reset sessions in the show notes. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with another parent who might need to hear it. I'll see you next time.