Pretty Privilege Is Real - And We All Play Into It

In this episode of Boys Bare Talk, we’re talking about the truth everyone sees but nobody wants to say - pretty privilege.

From dating apps to social media to real life, being “hot” changes everything. More attention, more opportunities, more validation.

But are we all feeding into it?

And if we are… what does that say about us?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome guys to Boys Bear Talk. Hey guys, we are just two husbands having some real talk. No shirt, no filter, no rules. No rules.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Alright, so today we're exposing something we all benefit from or suffer from. Pretty privileged. Pretty privileged. Pretty privileged. Let's be real. Hot guys get more attention, period. Like there's nothing to talk about, like period. Yeah, hot. Faster replies on DMs or the apps, more followers, more chances, more opportunities. These days you don't have to be the nicest, you just need to be hot.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yeah. Yeah. Initially, for the initial transaction, maybe. Yeah. But I've you still gotta be nice in the long run. But yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

I f I feel like, yeah, I I think it's like ever since we got our body in order, and like, you know, we did we didn't look like that always. Yeah. Ever since we got to it, suddenly it's like when you go places, like you get more opportunities, you get more like you know, I mean, yeah, yeah, you get you got more love, more attention, more consideration.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Um, I don't think it's you know something that you're always super conscious of, you know, as you move about your life. And listen, guys, we're not trying to sit here and say, like, we're hot, we're pretty. Like, we're not saying we're part of the most pretty equation. We're just saying, like, from our experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

And what like we talk to our friends about, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yeah. And so, you know, for every moment we f we feel like we're hot. We've got 20 moments that we feel like we're ugly. Oh, yeah. Most of the time we don't feel hot. It's the situation, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

But but but even let's say in the in the dating apps, you know, which I haven't been on culture. It's like the visual first. Yeah, always visual first, yeah, personality come later, if at all. Not someday it's not necessary. It depends on the transaction type, yeah. Um, so are we dating people or are we just shopping for buddies? What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Body shopping for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

For sure. Especially in LA. Especially in LA, and especially like these days. I feel like everybody wants to like even when we go to a party, like you know, like people touch the buddies.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Like a thing, but I feel like especially these days when you know half of your life is lived on a screen, you know what I mean? And a majority of the marketing promotion you do for yourself or your business or whatever is through a social media channel. And you know, Instagram, for example, is a big block with a bunch of windows on it. So every you're literally being window shopped all the time, you know what I mean? And it's just like you're the puppy in the window. Like, how much is that doggy in the window? Arf, arf. Like, woof, woof, let me see like what you have to offer, you know what I mean? But only in the first 15 seconds am I gonna decide whether you have something good or not to offer.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

But like, do you think it's like cause like how we always because people ask us what's your type? And we always say, like, you know, obviously we do have a type, but like, you know, uh, you are my type and your type. But but then we always say, like, it depends on like the person, depending on personality. We you said that you can get pretty much into everybody, like sexually, with the right vibe, with the right vibe. But do you think that this is like the norm? No, like people are just like, if like they're into masculine boys, they'll be intimate.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

If they're into like feminine, small yeah, but I think that you know that's like that falls into the limitations of like you know, your your the construct of your mind. If you're just like, you know, program if you're if you're if we've all been pre-grow pre pre-programmed to think a specific thing is attractive, then when you're having these more surface-level interactions, you're not getting deep enough to like catch the real vibe or to see some type of nuances in the person's like behavior or interaction to give more than just to add a little layer of vibe onto what you're just looking at, then I feel like you know you can easily think that like oh, just because like you don't look a certain way, like I'm not into it. But for me, like my statement about that is more about like thinking harder, feeling more, or like you know, going deeper than just like the quick once over with your with your look with your eyes, or like you know, the window shopping. But let's shift from the dating app since we're married and we don't really do that type of stuff. So is there a hierarchy, a hierarchy or unspoken ranking system in terms of like body, face, style, what we're all like looking at? Because you look at someone, you see their body, you see what they're wearing, you see the mood on their face or whatever, you know what I mean? So what do you really think um is the is the hierarchy or is the ranking system here?

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Like you mean like body, face, like that's the hierarchy? Yeah, I'm just saying, like I think like people first looking at the body, or like if you're pretty.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Face card. Yeah, I think body first and then your face. Yeah, but it's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Because like I even like I'm trying to think about like our friends that they're like, you know, they'll text us about like their their daily like grind their life, you know, and they're like I feel like people mostly looking for like the body. If they don't have the body, they have to be like super pretty in the face that goes. Right, right, to offset whatever's going on, but next time. Yeah, there isn't hierarchy, high, how you say this word? High hierarchy, this word, so um, yeah. What do you think is like at the end of the day, what's the mental impact of it all on us? Depression, yeah, right? Like I feel like I think so. I think like a lot of I mean, we we have moments that we are depressed, but also our friends like that are single and they're out there and they're like like on the apps all the time, and like you know, having active single life, like there is a lot of depression in our community because like I think that I think that every lot there's a lot of depression, but like the depression is masked with like the highs, I'm not just saying drugs, but like the highs of life that you get that distract you from what you're really upset about or like you know where you what what you're depressed about. So it's like and do you think that like our confidence is tied up to our looks and like we all get like body dysmorphia because of it?

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Because of like the pretty privilege and like you know, yeah, no, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

I think that our uh our confidence is tied to all of that. But I also think based on you know what I said before, like in LA it's even worse, you know what I mean? Because it's like it is like the what do you call it? It's like the it's like the the Macy's the like window in New York City of body shopping, LA. You know what I mean? Like LA is the place like where everybody comes to look. So it's like if you can't keep up here, you're not gonna keep up anywhere, you know, but like ultimately the mental impact of it all is depression.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Yeah, and I think like body dysmorphia, I think we all have it. Like everybody, like you and me all just the guy. You always come to me and you're like, Why don't I look like this man? Like, you know, when you show me like all these people on Instagram, all these like perfect body uh body perfect people.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

But I'd always just say they're AI and I just pretend like it's not anything to like really measure up to.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

But but my question also now is like, are we all guilty here? Like, do we ign do we ignore people that we're not attracted to? Do we treat the hot people better?

SPEAKER_01 7:36

I think it depends on the context, but yeah, I think there's I think there's more I think there's more forgiveness for the hotties, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Like there's more because I'm trying to think about me at parties. I much more have like energy. I give a fuck more to the hot ones. At least it's something that I'm ch I'm working on. I think it's like it's it's good for me to like kind of like talk about it right now because I do try to pay attention to everybody at the parties. If somebody says hello, we always say hello back. We always like trying to be nice and give them a moment and even ask what's their name, you know, always in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Like because that's just nice. And I don't care if you're hot or not, I still want to know your name, but you still got something to offer me. Just be it just because you're you know I fucking 10 doesn't mean I don't want to have an interaction with you.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

But I do think that people treat hot hot are people like more, they give them more attention, they give them more than that. Yeah, more leeway.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

There's more forgiveness, more leeway. There's just like there's more open space to do what you will, you know what I mean? And like, but I even think too, you know, even on like my worst days where I'm feeling like unattractive and not well, and just like, you know, I'm not feeling like a dime, you know, I'm feeling like a one cent like type of situation. I feel like I mean ultimately I don't forgot what I was saying. Keep going.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Anyways, guys, let's do some truth or dare, baby, because this is what we do here, and it's like fun.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

We love a good truth or dare.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

So have you ever treated someone better because they were hotter?

SPEAKER_01 9:08

No, no. I mean, again, I've given them maybe more opportunity for an extra moment, but I don't think I've treated some I don't I wouldn't say I treat someone better because they look better. Hell no.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

I think I did. Wow. I do. You're so shallow. Who? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

When?

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I don't know, just randoms, like just even like people are trying to be models for our brand, or like just like I mean, that's obvious, but like because you know I shop for their look. But like I don't know, just like when we hang out, when we go to parties, when we are kikis, or like whatever. Like it's yeah, I I treated someone better because they were hotter, but like yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Well, I mean, how do you define how do you define better treatment?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I'm just nicest, I'm nice nice, more pleasant, nicer, more pleasant, and then I'm also like giving them more of my time, you know?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Yeah, because like more smiles, more smiles, and also like more more time, more conversation right now. You know what I mean? Okay, you're right. If you can you put it that way, yeah, you're more like take whatever you want from me because you're hot rather than someone who's not so hot. It's like, okay, I'm not gonna give you a bum, I'm not gonna give you a piece of gum, like ew, who are you?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Basically, I mean that's extremely guilty. Uh, do you think your life would be easier if you looked different? Yeah, maybe sometimes. Like how though? Because you are like the white tall man, like you're always like your look is always winning in in our world. Not always everywhere. I mean, white tall man is always gonna be the top of the hierarchy. I mean that's what we talked about.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Yeah, I mean, that's what I pretend sometimes. But no, I mean I feel like there's plenty of space for a white tall man to just be at the bottom doing some bullshit, but um I mean, yeah, because I mean, listen, everybody in their in their existence has moments and days and times where they feel like not enough, regardless of how good or how much they have. So I think that yeah, there's moments where you just have that feeling of like, if I was just this or if I was just that, which is something better or bigger or grander than what you're presenting in that moment, yeah, I think we all have that. I think that the hottest and the ugliest person have all those, have all that. But sure, do I think that the uglier person has more moments, moments of that? Sure. Their whole existence is probably like centered around that feeling. Whereas like, you know, when you're more attractive, you like have all these grand times and when you're not even thinking about like consciously, like, oh, like how privileged I am right now, yeah, you know, to have this opportunity. You don't even think about it. But you wouldn't have got that opportunity had you not been fucking hot to begin with.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yeah. I mean, I think that like for me, it's I say yes for me specifically, because like I think I'm very privileged and I'm very thankful for what I have.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Most of the day most of the days I'm not happy with how I look. That's why I'm changing my looks all the time. But like, you know, everybody has dysmorphia with themselves. Yeah. But in general, like if I was taller or if I was not a short brown kid, you know, if I was a taller, if I was I would have a better treatment because I even like feel sometimes on my daily, like because I'm short, people like give less fuck to me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Like remember, everyone's the same height laying down. Yeah, everybody, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

But like I I do think that if I look different, my life will be a little easier if I wasn't so short, or if I wasn't like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

But then you but then you gotta think too, like, if you were the thing that you're thinking, if I was just that, then would that unravel some of the other things that are so good about you? Because maybe because you're short, there's all these other things that you try harder on that you wouldn't be trying so hard on if you weren't short. Probably that's a good thing. Then you might have some like snaggle tooth, or you might have like, I don't know, some like fucked up ass style that like you just think is so great, but like you're not really checking yourself because you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Alright. Have you ever felt invisible next to a harder friend? Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

For sure, all the time. Easy. It's like amongst men Yeah, for sure, Peter. But yeah, but I mean, yeah, like especially like the nightlife scene, because like everything is so quick and so like on one on one thing onto the next, on one thing onto the next.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

So, like and we have so many hard friends that it's like sometimes you just like next to them, you're like, whoever's like crush or why is it so hard? And I'm like, Yeah, you know, of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

But I think that you need those experience every you need those experiences to not be that fucking asshole, you know, all the time. You know what I mean? You need those more humbling experiences where you just feel like a little bit more self-conscious, or like you have to feel that's what I think.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

That like you and me, like people say that we are hot. We don't say we are hot because like we think we have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

I mean, if you catch me in the right moment, like, yeah, I'm the shit, I'm feeling pussy up the shit.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

No, but like you know, these guys, it's like they're just walking so arrogantly that like you know they know that they're hot and it's so not hot. Like to me, it's just like you're still not attractive anymore because you're so full of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

But even when you say it, there's still that moment where you're just like, but you are still fucking hot, even though I think it's about you and I think it's so hot, but then like you're like, I wish it like you didn't know it.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Because like I love when a man like like you, when I see you, like you know, you're so hot to me, but then like you you don't think so, like you're so insecure. Yeah, yeah, I'm always so insecure. Like, yeah. Like you don't see what I see, right? So I like I think it's like it's a lot more hotter to see a really hot man that doesn't know how hot he is. That's like the best.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Yeah, yeah. I think that that kind of like yeah, that lack of awareness that can be make make make them hotter, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

But um But yeah, what what do you take from?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Wait, did we do truth of Daria? Huh? Did we do truth or dairy at my skip? That was the truth. Oh wow, he's not he's not with us.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Not here with it, anyways. Um so what do you take from it? Like, you know, for a like pretty privilege is is real.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

It's like oh yep. Yeah, I mean, I'm not here to debate that as well.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

And we're all guilty, and like do we need to do something? Not us, but like, do you think that's like it's gonna change or like beauty always gonna be a privilege in this world?

SPEAKER_01 15:18

No, I know I think the I think that beauty will always be the a privilege, you know. As much as like we sit here and wanna, you know, be always inclusive of all the things and show the spectrum of everything from whatever good and bad, small and big, all the things.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

I feel like even at the end of the day, people show for loops.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

At the end of the day, even the people that are complaining about how they're not represented because of whatever they look like that doesn't fit the mold of what's the hottest, they're still the ones going after the mold that everybody wants to be. Like the ugly people go after the hottest people, and the hottest people go for the hottest people. So, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Anyways, I think that people are really gonna think that we're full of ourselves with this episode. Rapid as fuck. For me, it was like we wanted to talk about it because pretty privilege is just something that like we all put into it, and like it's not because we think we are hot, it's just because this is how society is, this is how the world is. But at the end of the day, like I think like we all should be kind to everybody. Like we we are kind to everybody. Of course. I I do shop for looks, but I still see humans all the time, and I love to like how I say all the time, I love I love good people, you know.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

But then also the best thing though is when maybe you don't in the beginning when you have an interaction with someone or something, not even just saying people, just things, like an object even you like comes into your existence, your your into your vision, line of vision, or your experience. And at first you're like, oh fuck this, like this is this doesn't look good, this doesn't feel good. Then the more you get to know it, you start seeing it differently. Like your mind is like because you know we our mind is wired to like is wired in a way where we have this initial reaction to something, and then that thought can either cut us off from being open and seeing other things that are in front of our eyes, but our mind just isn't processing, or you know, so ultimately I feel like what what can happen is that you basically are shutting yourself off to something that is beautiful just because you're been trained, or your initial reaction is to think that it wasn't great, but then the more you get acquainted with the more you get to know it, the more you see like wow, how amazing or beautiful this thing or this person really is. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

But anyway, I don't understand what you're saying. I hope somebody uh home did. But um yeah, I think like we should just wrap it in a place of like I still think that beauty is very important in this world to get somewhere. Yeah, but obviously it's not everything. You need to have like personality, you need to be a good person, that's first of all. But but yeah, pretty is about it feels better when it looks good.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Yeah. Period.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

Well, thank you for being so beautiful and being here today with me. Yeah, and thank you guys for listening. Love you guys.