Rosé & Real Talk: 5 Money Conversations to Have This Summer

Summer has a way of slowing us down -- just enough to have the conversations we avoid all year.

In this episode of Women, Wealth and What Matters, Tracy Byrnes shares five money conversations worth having before summer ends: Conversations with yourself, your partner, your parents, your adult children, and your financial advisor.

Do you actually know where everything is? What happens if one partner is suddenly alone? Do your parents have a plan? What do your adult children expect from you financially? And perhaps most importantly, are you actually on track?

And because Tracy is also WSET Level 3 certified, she sprinkles in a little Rosé knowledge along the way.

Whether you’re pouring Rosé, sparkling water, iced tea, or whatever feels like summer to you, the important part isn’t what’s in the glass.

It’s the conversation.

Listen now, and share this episode with someone you love. Better yet, grab something cold to drink and start one of these conversations.

Hosted by Tracy Byrnes, MBA, CDFA
Vice President, Women & Investing, Lebenthal Global Advisors

If you've got a question, a topic suggestion, or just want to say hi, shoot us an email at TracyByrnesWealth@gmail.com!

Follow us on:

X: @TracyByrnes
Instagram: @TracyByrnesWealth

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hey everyone, and welcome back to Women, Wealth, and What Matters. Five things with Tracy Burns. I am Tracy Burns. I'm a financial advisor, a certified divorced financial analyst, a former financial journalist. And today I'm actually bringing in another part of my life that I absolutely love. Believe it or not, it is wine. I know it's almost taboo to say that these days. But for those of you that don't know, I am also a W set level three, which basically means I've spent a lot of time studying and drinking wine. So there's two ways to go in the wine world. You can become a sommelier, which means you're going to serve people and be in restaurants and do all those things. Or you go almost like an academic route. And think of it as college, the Wine and Spirits Education Trust out of London. And there's four levels. I'm a level three or call me a junior in this wine education process. And I love it. I love the academics behind it, the story behind it, there's geography, science, all the things. So today I'm going to do something a little different and semi-incorporate that. We're going to talk about five money conversations you're having this summer. And maybe, because it is the summer, you're having them over a glass of rose or something like that. Summer is a very funny way of slowing us down, doesn't it? Just enough to start to have those conversations we all avoid. Maybe you're sitting on a porch or you're sitting on the beach or maybe you're on vacation with your family, or those adult kids are home for the weekend, and maybe you're sharing a bottle of rose with someone you love, and suddenly you have something we don't always have the rest of the year. You have time together. It's kind of beautiful. So today I want to give you five money conversations worth having before the summer ends. Not because I want to ruin happy hour by any struts, trust me, but because some of the most important financial decisions in our lives start with a conversation. And since we're talking about rose, I'm also going to sprinkle a little bit of wine knowledge in along the way because I have I get a little bent out of shape when people mess things up about rose because it's one of the most beautiful wines out there. Lots of misconceptions. Just like there's misconceptions about money. And look, if you don't drink, that's fine. None of this changes the point of today's episode. Grab a sparkling water, an iced tea, a mocktail, whatever makes you feel like summer. Summer in a glass. The important part is not what's in the glass, it's the conversation you're gonna have with it. So pour yourself something you love. And let's get started. Before you do, my usual quick reminder: this podcast is for educational purposes only, not individualized investment tax or legal advice. Please consult the financial person in your life. Talk to the appropriate professionals about your situation. And please listen to our previous podcast too. We just did five things every college grad should know before he gets he or she gets her first paycheck. I love that. There's so many good ones now, so please listen and pass them along. All right, let's get started. Number one, I've said this so many times, but the first conversation you need to have is with yourself. Do I actually know where everything is? And please do this over a glass of wine or a mocktail, whatever makes you feel good. But this is the most important one. It doesn't require anyone else, it requires you to be honest. If I handed you a blank piece of paper today, could you list every account you own, every investment account, retirement account, credit card? How about those insurance policies? Every piece of debt. Better yet, can you tell me who the beneficiaries are on all your retirement accounts? Can you find your will? I know. Do you know who has power of attorney if something happens to you? And last and finally, my favorite, do you know all the passwords to your account? I'm gonna probably say this every month or at least every podcast until somebody throws me off. If you're married and living with a partner, could you answer these questions for the entire household? Because you and I both know things happen to that, dare I say, our partnerships. I cannot tell you how many smart, capable, successful women I have met who say some version of, oh, he handles that, which by the way, I did do a podcast on that book, Strangers. Amazing. The notion that he handles it is unacceptable, ladies. Unacceptable. I understand how this happens in relationships. We divide responsibility. One person handles the travel, the kids, the plumber, one person pays the bills. I get it. The problem with dividing responsibilities, it means you give up knowledge. Don't do that. Because life changes. People do get divorced, people get sick, people die. It's terrible. And relationships end. It happens. And suddenly the person who didn't handle the money now has to handle the money. And that many times can make you feel like Linda Blair and the Exorcist, and your head spins off your shoulders. But you need to take a breath and figure this out for you, you and you only. So this is your first money conversation. Sit down with yourself. Do I know what I own, what I owe? Better yet, do I know who to call? It's not complicated. This is not extrapolating or trying to get future values of numbers. This is just real basic financial awareness here. Let me do that before you do anything else. Okay, here's your first quick wine interlude. Because if you are having this conversation with someone over rose, I would like to talk about rose quickly. I want to clear up one of the biggest misconceptions of rose wine. Red and white grapes do not make pink like they do in kindergarten. Let me say that again. Red grapes and white grapes all mushed together do not make pink wine. That is what happens in kindergarten. So do not think you can go home pour a glass, half a Cabernet Sauvignon, half a Pinot Grigio, and voila, you got rose. That's not what happens. It starts, believe it or not, rose starts with red grapes. And here's the thing: when you squeeze a grape, any color, what color is the juice that comes out? It's clear. Any color, those deep, dark purple grapes, the juice is clear. The color comes from the skins. So when you make wine, they squeeze the grapes, the juice spends is in a barrel, and then they put the skins back in. So they put the skins back in, and now it's just a matter of time. If you put the skins in really quickly, there's a little bit of contact. What do you know? You get pink. If you put the skins in and you leave it for like weeks at a time, that's when you start to get those big, deep red wines. Pretty cool, right? Telling you, there's science in this too. I love this. So red grapes, shorter skin contact. So juice out, skins in, could be a day, could be 48 hours, done. Pretty cool, right? Pink wine. The best. That's your wine lesson for now. Let's get back to the money. Number two conversation is with your partner. And again, we did a podcast on this. So for more details, go listen. But what happens if one of us is suddenly alone? This is the perfect conversation to have on the beach with a glass of something. I know it's not romantic, but neither is trying to find a life insurance policy during a crisis. If you're married or in a long-term relationship, here's the conversation you're gonna have. What if one of us is suddenly alone? And I should rephrase this because couples that are thinking about getting married should have these conversations too. You do not even need to be in a long-term relationship. But let's talk about it. Who pays the bills now? Where are the accounts? Paying the bills actually is a big deal. If one of you covers all the long-term stuff and one of you covers the bills and the bill person dies, God forbid, that other person is really, really messed up as well. So many accounts, so many numbers. What's on automatic pay? Who the heck knows? These are questions. You gotta put them on the table. The financial advisor, do we have one? If you don't know who it is, shame on you and your financial advisor. Property taxes, when are they due? Health insurance, that is the biggest thing ever. And of course, who are the beneficiaries of the retirement plans, life insurance policies, all those things. So I understand this is a tough conversation to have. Nobody wants a plan on the relationship ending, but as a certified divorce financial analyst, I see this. People are so romanticized by love, we're gonna be together forever, and then all of a sudden something happens, and then nobody knows anything. In particular, it often ends up being the woman. And this drives me baddie. So don't let this happen. She doesn't then know where the retirement accounts are, she doesn't understand the investments or the tax implications of selling them. She doesn't even know what the house originally cost. Just makes me want to scream. Because now we have to get that cost basis up, sister. Otherwise, you're gonna pay a large capital gain when we sell this house. She doesn't know whether there's debt, what assets are titled together, which means we both own them, or which are just hers. And this one kills me. Sometimes she has not even met the family's financial advisor. This gives me agita. This is a problem. I'm not suggesting you sit down over a bottle of wine and say, dear darling, what happens if you die or I leave you? Let's speak, let's have, let's have a little more cooth here, let's ease into it, but have some version, some backdoor version of this conversation. I realize I don't know enough about our financial health. Can we go through this together? Now, if the partner, your partner says, No, I got it, you better wake up to that. That's not cool. This is a reasonable question, and you need to know. Marriage is a partnership on all levels. You should be able to answer all these questions. Don't be hard on yourself. Fix it. Number three, this one kills me. Have a conversation with your parents. I know, I know, I know. What do you want? Where is everything? That's what you need to ask them. Look, we all have crazy old school parents that hide money in socks. You know who you are. And it can be hard, especially because no one wants to feel like they're prime. But like, nip nip that in the bud and say, look, I'm not interested in what I get. I don't care. I don't want you to die so I could collect. I want to know what you have and what you want me to do. God forbid something happens to you. This is that's all we're doing here. I want to help you. How do I help you? Do you guys have a will? Do you have powers of attorney? Who are they? If you have siblings, you you guys need to know this. Healthcare directives. Who's pulling the plug? Who's pulling the plug? Who's supposed to make medical decisions if one or both of your parents are unable to do it? Is there an executor? Where are the documents? Do they have an attorney, an accountant, an advisor? Long-term care insurance? Ugh, God bless them if they do. And of course, passwords. You need to know their passwords. Then we talk about care in their old age. Do you want to stay home if God forbid something happens to you? Can we put you in one of those fabulous assisted living places where there's a bus to, you know, the restaurants and the beaches every day, and you can go to the casinos. Like, do you want to go play shuffleboard? Ask these questions. Families miss this stuff. They need to know who's in charge. Because if it's if it's all in the afterlife and they're gone and your parents are laughing from heaven and say, it's their problem now, that's not cool. That is not cool. Because confusion and conflict start. The summer can be a really natural time. Families often take these big bonded generational trips together. You're on some beachy trip watching the grandchildren run around, start to ask some questions. It's okay. You don't need a legal pad or a spreadsheet. Just say, hey, we just want to start talking about what we should do. If God forbid something happens to you both, who should we call? It's not intrusive, it's responsible. If they say everything is taken care of, you say fantastic way to go. Wonderful. Now where is it? How do I get to it? Because taken care of only works if someone could find it. And God, you know what? There is that proverbial bust scenario. I know they like to think one might go before the other, but what if, who knows, they thumb on the wheezed off the cliffs? Which I have suggested to my parents. It would make life much easier. Okay, I have to get back to one. Well, I have another wine note for you. Um, and then I promise you that's it. But when people think about rose, they often think about Provence, which is in France, and for good reason, because it is magnificent rose. Dry roses are basically synonymous with the summer and Provence, the south of France. But believe it or not, rose is made all over the world. France, Italy. Oh! Sangiovesi grapes make rose in Italy. Phenomenal. Spain. And yes, the United States. Cabernet, Pinot Noir, these they're putting out some beautiful roses these days. So if you think you don't like rose, because a bunch of years ago you had it and it was so sweet, makes me think back to those um, those of you old enough will know what I'm talking about. Bartles and James pink wine coolers. That actually makes me nauseous just thinking about that. If that's what you think of Rose, trust me, she has evolved. She is phenomenal. Give it a shot. You just may not have found your favorite Rose yet. I'm just saying. All right, let's get back to these money conversations. Conversation number four. This is my life. The conversation with your adult children. So ask them, what do you know about money and what do you expect from me? Yes. What do they, as your kids, expect from you as parents? I love this one. I'm currently living this one. I have three adult kids. If you have adult kids, you know something very funny happens. You spend these years trying to teach them, put money in your picky bank, kids. Then all of a sudden they're adults, they have jobs, 401k. By the way, this call, this podcast we did about kids graduating from college and their paychecks, really great. Check it out. But then all of a sudden they're dating seriously. And oh, maybe someone wants to get married, or they get married and they're thinking about apartments and homes. And then you're like, wait, did we even talk about all this? Do they even have a clue? And this is not like a lecture, like, oh, I think you're spending too much, you should budget more. No, no, no, no. And please, please, please, please, I beg you, do not say, Well, when I was your age, we saved X. Please don't do that. They'll go right to their phones and start scrolling through photos of Taylor and Travis's weddings. That's, I mean, I that's that's I'm telling you. Start with curiosity. Ask them, do you understand your 401k and how it works? Are you getting that match? I've said this before, I'll say it 4,000 times. Do you have access to a Roth 401k? Or a Roth IRA? Do you understand your health insurance? Do you have health insurance? Calling all kids who are about to be 26. You've been on your parents' insurance, you're going to have to make some decisions soon. 26, you're out. Do you have an HSA health savings account? Phenomenal. Oh, here's a good one. Do you know your credit score? Let me just say something about this. Do not make one late payment. Do not make one. Not one. Because you will be dinged. And when you go get you that first mortgage, you're going to find out your credit score was down and you're going to be angry about it. Do not, do not, do not. We've talked about emergency funds, but do you have one? And then, but then there's the other side of this conversation that you have to have. What do they expect from you? This is really what matters. Do they assume you're paying for the wedding? Do they assume you're going to help with the down payment on their first home? What are they thinking? Do they assume they can move home? Mine absolutely do. And they should, if they ever need to. Do they assume there's an inheritance coming? That's a big fat assumption, by the way. I don't like that one, but I have to say it out loud. Because a lot of kids think, well, I'm just going to rely on that. That's kind of terrible. Be honest though. Be honest with them with what you're willing to do and able to do. Because half that's another thing. This is one of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is sacrificing their own financial security so that, so that little Jean could have her dream wedding. I knew a family growing up that actually took out a home equity loan on their home to pay for their daughter's wedding. Nails on a chalkboard to me. Are you kidding? I mean, luckily for them, they're still married, but 50% don't make it. You can borrow money for college, you can finance a house, you can scale down a wedding. You cannot borrow for retirement, so you come first. Talk to your kids. Say, hey, this is what I have. This is all I can do. Set expectations. And while you're at it, tell them a little bit about your wishes. They don't need to know your net worth, but they do need to know if something happens to me tomorrow, where is everything? Who should I call? How do they get access? Do they know? I straight up, I don't think my kids know. I should have this. I have to I am now calling the the what is it saying? The popcorn kettle black. I have to tell my kids this stuff. Money conversations should not begin in a hospital bed, God forbid. They should not begin at a funeral. I'm sorry. They should happen now on that beautiful, peaceful summer vacation where you're all sitting together on the beach. Okay, number five. I love this one. You need to have a conversation with your financial advisor. Have you called the person and said, Hi, am I on track?

unknown 17:03

Ask.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

This is a conversation I wish more people would have. I try to call and stay in touch. I think everything's great on my end, but you know what? I don't know if things changed on yours. I don't know if the variables are different from when we first created the financial plan. I'm not a mind reader. Wish I was, but I'm not. The only way I can help you stay on track is that you have to help me. What they say about AI, it's only as good as the information you give it. That is the same with me and your financial advisor. He or she is only as good as what we know, the information we have, if all of a sudden something happened and you did get an inheritance, or by the way, you lost your job. Very important facts. Very important facts. You need to ask. Just, and it's more than just how did I do? How did my portfolio perform? I mean, that's fine. Performance matters, but it's not the whole conversation. The bigger question is am I still on track? Market's been a little loony. We've talked about this. I did a mid-year podcast too. Market's been a little loony. Are you still on track? Can I retire when I want to? And when I do retire, how much can I spend in retirement? What if I live to 95? Which, by the way, all this longevity stuff, I think we're all gonna live to 100. And all of our financial plan softwares or programs need to change. Because right now I think we have everybody dying around 92. That's not good. What if your spouse dies first? What if you get divorced? Can I make it? Ask all these questions. Am I holding too much cash? Am I too concentrated in one stock? Again, you know who you are. Am I taking enough risk? Tax efficiency. Ask about all these things. Beneficiaries, are they correct? Ladies, if you're divorced and your husband is still, your ex-husband is still your beneficiary, shame on you. Shame on you. And lastly, too, can I help my children someday? Can I give my children some money without hurting my retirement? That's a great question to ask. Because you may not know now, but maybe in three years, you do want to help little Johnny with his first down payment. Ask those questions. I'm gonna say something else. Two women, your financial advisor should speak to you. If you haven't picked up the can't pick up the phone freely and ask questions, you first of all you need a new one. Your financial advisor should speak to you, not around you, not only to your husband, not in a language that is full of acronyms and designed to make you feel stupid. No jargon. No jargon. And don't you dare nod your head and pretend you understand. Your money, understand it. Ask some questions. Understand what you are paying for because you're paying this person. So you understand. Understand all of it. And if you don't ask, that's on you. There are no stupid questions. And if the person makes you feel stupid, go to the yellow pages and find a new one. I just said yellow pages, by the way. All right. I want you to forget the market for a minute. And listen to this carefully. If you ask about your portfolio, and the only thing you get is an investment answer, you're not having the right conversation. Investments are just a piece of your financial plan. Your dreams, wants, and wishes are a way bigger piece of that. I said what I said. Okay, here's your five conversations for the summer. One with yourself. Do I know where everything is? Number two, with your partner. What happens if one of us is suddenly alone? Number three, with your parents. This is the one where you're probably gonna need all the rose, by the way. What do you want and where is everything? Because they're not, they don't give it up easy, that generation. Number four, with your adult kids, make sure they know what's going on and what they expect from you as they move on in life. And number five, the conversations with your financial advisor. Not how my portfolio did. Am I on track? These conversations don't have to be perfect. You don't need a spreadsheet, binders, legal pads, none of the things.

unknown 21:03

Start talking. Start talking.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Sometimes you just need a quiet summer night, a little time. Sitting next to someone you love, something refreshing in that glass. And since we've been talking about rose today, I'm gonna leave you with one more thought. The best rose is not necessarily the palest one, because I people I think people think that. It's definitely not the most expensive one. And it's not necessarily the one that everyone is posting on Instagram, and you know what I'm talking about. It's the one you actually enjoy. No judgments. That is how I feel about all everything all in the wine world. And it's also the same with your finances. Your financial plan does not need to look like anyone else's, it needs to fit your life and your goals, your family, your priorities, your fears. That's it. It's what matters to you. And that's the whole point of this podcast women, wealth, and what matters. I'm Tracy Burns. Thank you for listening. I just feel like I ranted. It was good. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and of course, YouTube. And if you want to continue this conversation, TracyBurnsWealth.com, you can find me at TracyBurns on X, at TracyBurnsWealth on Insta, and at TracyBurns on LinkedIn. And if this episode made you think of someone, your sister, your mother, your daughter, your best friend, I don't know, your partner even, share it with them. Better yet, grab something, hold a drink, start one of these conversations. Just try. Let me know how it goes. I'm here if you need me. I'll see you next time. Labenthal Financial Services, Inc. is a FINRA registered broker dealer. The content of this podcast is intended for informational purposes only and is not intended to be investment advice. The views expressed in this podcast are subject to change based on market and other conditions. Information about the qualifications and business practices of Labenthal Global Advisors LLC is available on the SEC's website at www.advisorinfo.sec.gov. Information about the qualifications and business practices of Labenthal Financial Services Inc. and its representatives can be found on FINRA's brokercheck website, which is brokercheck.finra.org.