Steps 6 & 7

This podcast is about how to do Step 6 and Step 7 within Alcoholics Anonymous.

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My name is Tom, and I'm an alcoholic. Okay, so here we are. Spent a bunch of time on steps one and two and three. I spent even more time, maybe on step four, then unloaded it as part of step five. Then to make matters worse, of course, those step five promises have all come true and I'm feeling awfully damn good about myself and my spiritual journey. Mmm. So now what? It's pretty natural to use this as a chance to admire my lovely work so far, to admire the progress that I've made. Maybe the step five promises hit me hard. All of my inclinations are to put my feet up, work on my tan, and think about other things. Such is the nature of life, well, at least my life, perhaps you're different. But in case you're not, let's think a little differently. Just like there is no reason to pause after step three, there is no reason to pause after step five. Some of you may have heard me talk about how my sponsor emphasized that while the step five promises should be a positive experience, it is also true that a person should be grossed out by their own behavior as demonstrated by their step five. And I do love the fifth step promises. They're great. They definitely mark the first visible signs of a deep transformation. Unfortunately, though, if I stop there, I'm going to be leaving a lot on the table, and I may even drink again. Where am I going with this? Simply put, after inventory, we've cleared up a hell of a lot of the past, but we still have the same defects of character which led us into resentments, fear, and selfish behavior. We need step six and step seven, and we need them badly. In some ways, these two steps are interesting because there's absolutely no consensus on how they should be done. I've heard about god boxes for step six and how Joe and Charlie recommend that people work on their defects of character by doing the opposite. And if those are things you want to do, okay, but I'm not going to do them. My steps six and seven are very basic and straightforward. My sponsor Dan told me when I went through the steps out of the book for the first time, that if the book wanted you to work on your defects of character, it would have told you to do that. But AA is not a self-help program. Our mission in these two steps is to turn our defects of character over to our higher power. So that's what I want to do. And what is a defect of character? And for that matter, what is a shortcoming? It's something that I've done or do that puts me in trouble, creates resentments. My defects of character are the decisions based on self that place me in a position to be heard. So what's the difference between a defect of character and a shortcoming? I've lived in places where AA culture told me that defect of defects of character were one thing and shortcomings were another. This was a bit puzzling to me. People explain how they were different, but that never quite made sense to me. I think Bill meant that a defect of character and a shortcoming are the same thing, just being described by slightly different words. And there's a reason why I believe that. Step seven says humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. There's that word shortcoming. But when we actually get to step seven, we get the seventh step prayer, which says God, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad, I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and to my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding, amen. So the prayer used to execute step seven actually contains the phrase defect of character found in step six. Bill Wilson was talking about the same stuff in step six as he was in step seven. Anyway, let's go back to step six. Sometimes I've come out of inventory with a list of defects of character given me by the person who heard my inventory, which is kind of nice. Other times they haven't done that, which is also fine. We continue to use the inventory that we've written in steps six, seven, eight, and nine, so my advice is to not burn it. And with the inventory, my defects of character are easy to figure out. We know our fears from our fear inventory, our defects of character from column four of our resentment inventory, and our selfish behavior in relationships from our sex inventory. So as I look at step six, what am I unwilling to give up? Well, what are you unwilling to give up? This matters. You may have a couple of things come to mind immediately, and if you do, I would pray about them. Or nothing may immediately come to mind. If so, this would be a good time to grab your inventory and read through it, especially the resentments. Are there things you're unwilling to give up? Are there resentments you're happy to have again? Is there damage you don't mind doing another time? I've never hit this point in the steps and had resentments that I wanted to repeat, nor have I had damage I wanted to redo. So I've generally had an easy time with step six. As soon as I'm comfortable in step six, I say the step seven prayer. If I have a sponsee who is saying the seventh step prayer for the first time, I'm going to encourage them to say it in a meaningful way, perhaps with a loved one, but I don't do it with them the way that I did with the third step. While it made sense to lead the person in the third step prayer, by the seventh step I want to start giving my sponsee independence and encourage them to rely on their higher power rather than me, their sponsor. So that's it. Review in six, pray if needed, execute in seven with the prayer. Sadly, though, my experience is that my defects of character don't necessarily all go away after doing the steps, because the defects come back. The bastards. So what's going on? Well, I think that most likely, my defects of character are rooted deep down in my brain, and when I'm spiritually centered, they stay there. Except I don't stay spiritually centered. All I have to do is let myself separate from God and they float right back to the surface. I get caught up in things. I start running the show without even noticing I'm doing so. What Joe used to call asleep dreaming I'm awake. I'm not the first to be pointing out that when Bill wrote the big book, he was about four years sober, and all he had to say about six and seven fit in two paragraphs. By the time he wrote the twelve and twelve, he had as much to say about six and seven as he did on all the other steps. This reconciles pretty well with my own experience. When I was new, steps six and seven seemed simple. I was one of those newcomers who liked them because I thought all right, cool, getting rid of them would be most excellent. Life would be better if I had no defects. I repeatedly underestimated the strength of my self will. A strong eleven step routine, the time in the morning for on awakening, and at night with the evening review will help, and help lots. But my ego has its ways, and inevitably it will lead me back into steps six and seven. Say the prayer, lean into six and seven. Maybe take a moment to marvel at the changes in you that allow you to feel the sunlight of the Spirit. My name's Tom, I'm an alcoholic. More soon.