When I Realized I Was Lonely

It's a hard truth but I realize yep, I'm lonely. And while this is but a momentary thing these are my thoughts today, as I sit on my hotel bed naked, interrupted from masturbating, that made it so I couldn't release. 

2026 is for letting go. I'm discovering life all over again 

Transcript

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Have you ever just sat back and realized how alone you are? I did that. I'm still at the hotel and I'm going through my roster of men who've given who's given me offers who would want to have a sexual escapade with me. And for a moment it was fun. It was fun thinking of that power. But then I read an email from the man who wrote that wild fantasy, that desire. He found a woman local to him in Canada, a beautiful Ethiopian woman, he says. And he thanked me for helping him do the vetting process of finding the perfect partner for him. And he said he's no longer going to be on the live adult site so that he can focus on her. It makes me think that perhaps I talk too much about myself in detail where the men decide, you know, maybe not. Maybe not. And then that list of sexual offers came out of necessity because I realized, wow, it's lonely. It's lonely where I'm sitting. The fact that I am desiring an escapade, but I'm being careful. And I wonder what it is that is holding me back. Is it the fear of my safety? Is it the expectations of society? Because I have to put on a different face when I'm away from the adult campsite. I want more for myself and would like to be able to be the creator of that. So this side of me is kept hidden and secret. Is it the expectations from my family where I always was the good girl? As a matter of fact, even in the middle of sex, men call me a good girl. They naturally call me a good girl. I don't know. But my mind keeps wandering now. It reminded me of one of the last privates that I had with a man. And it lasted for about an hour. And he told me that when he looks at me, he sees a young girl. Even though I am fully a woman, he sees a young girl. And then he went as far as to tell me that men want to be with me and my tight body and my pretty face because they are imagining the girls who they want who they really desire who are underage. And so when they close their eyes and they're in me and they feel how tight I am, especially if they take me from behind, he said they're imagining all of the underage girls that they want to be with. And that I serve that purpose. Now I know that this is just role play. And I thought about that. And then he went into talking about how um the situation was the same with my father. And he said, I can just tell you were assaulted when you were younger. And while I was not assaulted by my father, and I have no desire to be with him, and there was no signs that I could tell that he wanted to be with me, I entertained it for a little bit. I had other father figures in my life who did say things that may have been a little bit inappropriate to a younger child, much less their niece or their stepdaughter. But it also added in my thought process of that loneliness, that ambiguity of what's to come, and what is my purpose. I was starting to take on the thought process of a sex goddess, a sex priestess who my sex is very sacred. I believe I still hold on to that. My sex is very sacred, and to know that I can help men find their perfect mate or help them, that's I guess that is good to know, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about that loneliness, that unfulfilled desire, and I have many, but because this is the one that is prevalent, and my hormones are going so wild, it leaves me to wonder how do I fulfill them? How do I fulfill them? I'm not sure, but again, I'm just thinking and sharing. Thanks for listening. I'll be back.