The Messy Middle: Grief, Motherhood & Finding Hope Again

What does life look like after losing your partner?

In this deeply honest and emotional episode of the Mom-Life Podcast, I sit down with Erin—mom of two, middle school teacher, and widow—to talk about grief in its realest form.

Not the kind people expect.
 Not the kind that fades quickly.
 But the kind that reshapes every part of your life.

Erin shares her journey of losing her husband to cancer, navigating motherhood through heartbreak, and learning how to survive—and eventually live again—after unimaginable loss.

We talk about:
 ✨ What grief really feels like (and why it’s so misunderstood)
 ✨ Raising young children while grieving
 ✨ The role of faith and community in healing
 ✨ Therapy, mental health, and coping with overwhelming emotions
 ✨ The courage it takes to date again after loss
 ✨ Letting your heart grow without letting go

This conversation is raw, vulnerable, and filled with powerful perspective.

If you’ve ever experienced loss, supported someone who has, or wondered what healing truly looks like—this episode is for you.

💛 You are not alone. And there is still hope, even here.

Connect with Erin on TikTok, IG, Facebook: @hopewitherin

https://www.instagram.com/hopewitherin/

https://www.tiktok.com/@hopewitherin

https://www.facebook.com/Hopewitherin/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the Mom Life Podcast, where we keep it real, supportive, and empowering for every mom navigating the beautiful chaos of parenting. We cover everything from family planning to menopause.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Today's episode carries both heartbreak and hope. I'm joined by someone I haven't seen in years, but who has always left a lasting impression on me. Not only as an incredible middle school teacher, but as an even more incredible mother. Erin is a mom of two beautiful girls, an educator and a widow, who has walked through unimaginable loss after losing her husband to cancer. In this conversation, we talk about grief, the kind people don't always understand. The messy, long, and life-altering time. We talk about motherhood in survival mode, the role of faith in healing, and what it looks like to slowly rebuild the life while still honoring the one you lost. We also dive into something that isn't talked about enough. What it means to date again after loss, and the courage it takes to open your heart when it's already been broken. This episode is raw, honest, and deeply meaningful. Make sure you have your tissues. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Well, welcome, Erin. It's been so long since I've seen you, definitely before the pandemic. Yeah, it's been quite a while. Can you share a little bit about you and how many kids you have?

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Yeah, um, I'm Erin. I have two daughters. They just had birthdays, so they are five and seven, and I am a middle school science teacher, and I have been a widow and cancer widow for about three years now.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Wow. And I do have to add, you are one of the best middle school science teachers ever. Being in your having been in your classroom before, just the things that you do, you are so fitting for the middle school age group.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Thank you. I feel like it's a calling. A lot of people hate teenagers, and those of us that choose to teach middle school, we really just feel drawn to the kids. And middle school's tough, but they're still very malleable. And I think there's a gift in that.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Definitely. What's your favorite part of motherhood?

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Um, it's a lot like teaching. It's it's those moments where curiosity is sparked, and you just you get that little bit of magic with kids learning or growing and trying something new and seeing them excited about their achievement.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

How would you describe your late partner and the life you built together?

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Um, Jacob and I were a really good team. And he was my best friend. So it's been a really big just chasm that was created by his loss. But um I think we built a really great home together and a family together where our daughters could just flourish being themselves. And I think there is a really good foundation on faith, and that's been a lifesaver in his death because that faith community has really come alongside us and filled in some of those gaps that were left by him. We have some men in the church who we have one man, especially Mr. Ernie, who's kind of like a grandfather to a lot of the kids, and he's stepped in and um, you know, he'll take the girls sometimes when I don't have anybody else to watch them, and they love looking forward to seeing him and getting cookies that are snuck by him every Sunday at church.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

What is something you want people to understand about your journey before we even talk about dating?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

I think grief is really hard for a lot of people, and I don't understand why in our society grief is so hard, but it is a much longer and more catastrophic, I guess, process than people realize, especially losing a partner. It took me, and I'm still almost three years into it, still figuring out what works, but it I like to compare it to an atomic bomb. Like you're losing your partner is the bomb, and that is devastating in itself, but that it really affects every part of your life. That everything that was connected to that person is affected in some way. And then we ourselves as widows and widowers are affected too. So it takes so long to figure out what routines work for you, how to figure out how to, especially as a widow parent, to find that right blend of taking care of yourself while also balancing taking care of your kids and not feeling overwhelming mom guilt in the process, all of it. So it's been an incredibly messy journey. And um even now, some people are surprised to hear that it's still hard for me. But if you understood like the devastation that comes with everything with losing your spouse, then it would be amazing how any of us survive it.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

What did those first months of grief look like as a mom?

SPEAKER_00 6:12

A lot of it for many of us is it's the shock and the fog. You almost feel like you're pregnant again because like it's just that that fog, like you can't remember anything. I went through so many sticky notes just trying to balance everything and um you're very much in survival mode. And honestly, I would say that lasts almost a year. But those first few months are especially hard trying to figure out all of that while paperwork's coming your way and funeral planning is coming your way. And and I went back to work because I had spent the summer with my husband and hospice care in our home, and I really just did not want to be in that empty house by myself. So a lot, but it was a gift to go back to work in those routines that made sense. But then I had to come home tired and try to figure out new routines that made sense for me and my daughters, who were two and four at the time and very much grieving and needing my full attention as well.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

How did you support your daughters while also navigating your own pain?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

My oldest, who was four at the time, we um we took her to play therapy for a while to help her with it, and and I went through therapy as well. I really needed a professional to help me figure out. I had a lot of anger, which was very hard for me to understand because I am not an angry person. I have never been an angry person. Um, but it was very much just being overwhelmed and big emotions for me and big emotions from them and just overstimulated, overwhelmed, not feeling like there was enough hours in the day. Um, so I had to learn new coping mechanisms and I had to learn how to take care of my mental health, which is something I'd never had to deal with before. And it has given me such a perspective for how much of a struggle it is and how important it is to have professional help when you are struggling and have somebody help you with finding the right things that work for you, because it's never the same solutions for everyone. And for me, the solutions have been a lot of digging deeper into my faith, finding ways to worship and just calm myself down when I when I feel overstimulated. But it took some time to figure out what was causing the problem and then to get ahead of it so that I didn't get to that point where I was getting overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I'm glad you touched on therapy because it could be intimidating for some people to seek help, but important for people to know that they are not alone and there are resources out there and available for them, but they just have to reach out.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yeah, I don't think that we should be ashamed. Like, who how is anybody supposed to know how to do life well? None of us have done it before. Like we're gonna mess up along the way, and especially when we are in crisis and in these tough situations, it doesn't need to be for everything. It can be just, you know, until you figure out something that works for you. But I think it it helps a lot if you have somebody help you problem solve. Um, and obviously they have a much bigger therapist and counselors have a much bigger tool bag than we do. So um I'm actually starting counseling again now because I'm trying to start dating again and I've just realized how difficult it is. Because again, I've I figured out the routines and what works for me in my present state, and then putting something else into that mix, whether it's good or not, has been really overwhelming for me. So I realized short term I need some help again. I need some new strategies, and I just need to, for me, it's important to make sure that I'm not bringing in anything that could harm a future relationship. Like I want to be intentional and not not hurt people in the process, although obviously that sometimes happens with dating because somebody has feelings and the other person doesn't, but um, I really just don't want to bring anything into that that could harm um or hold back a relationship that's being built.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Do you still have moments where it hits you unexpectedly? For sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Yeah, before my first date, actually that morning, it just hit me like this is my life. Oh my gosh, like this is crazy, everything that I've been through. And um and along with that came a lot of gratitude that I I can be where I am and that I don't feel stuck, that I feel like as painful and difficult as it is, that there is hope and there is the opportunity to find a new way that can be equally a blessing and and joyful for me and my daughters.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

At what point did you start feeling like you again, not just surviving, but living?

SPEAKER_00 11:27

It took years, but and and still sometimes I don't recognize myself because I'm so different. I've had to become so different from who I was. Um I think there's a lot of good in it, and that I've become incredibly empathetic. I've again through all the pushing through the mental health things, I think I've become more resilient and just much more steady and able to handle things in a way that I never could before because of having to endure this and getting help and figuring out how to endure it. But I think I don't know if I even recognize myself for who I am now just because I'm not the same person. I'm not as carefree as I used to be, and I I still have to carry a lot. And that that's the part of grief that is hidden that a lot of people don't comprehend is that when we experience that much devastation, that we cannot stay the same. And there's a grief at that as well, and that you have to become something new. And I would say we've really started to get out of that survival mode in this year, which is the third year. Um moving forward from his death. Wow.

SPEAKER_05 12:46

What did healing require from you that you didn't expect?

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Um for me, it's been a real test of my faith and just continuing to hope when it feels like things are not getting better. That's been what I've clung to. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to heal when you don't know if things are gonna get better, because in the darkness of grief, it honestly doesn't feel like things are gonna get better for a very long time. And for me, faith has been that light out. Um, and for other people, they find other things that give them courage, but I can't imagine doing it without faith because I need that hope that there is a plan, that there is something good that can come out of this life again, and that I can ultimately see my husband again one day in heaven.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Now, I know you've mentioned that you started dating again. What made you feel ready or even open to dating again?

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Um well, the holidays really suck. And honestly, I kind of cried my way through another holiday season. It's just a lot more emotions. The absence of a loved one is much more prominent in those moments and in those seasons. And I do believe that that God can work supernaturally and bring people into our lives, but I also believe at some point that we need to start start taking those first steps. And so I it's been about two and a half years. I feel like I am healed enough that I'm not going to harm anybody. And I feel like I don't, I want to start creating a life that I want. And for me, I am content. I have things figured out, but I am missing that that spice, right? That flavor that comes with sharing things with a partner. And so I just decided I'm gonna do it afraid. I'm just gonna try it and see how it goes and just pray that God will work through providence that I'm gonna put those opportunities out there and trust that the right person's gonna come along. But as a widow and solo parent, there just aren't that many opportunities to meet people in person. So that was why I decided to try to start seeing what's available in apps and meeting people online.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Was there any guilt attached to this decision?

SPEAKER_00 15:26

No, I told Jacob when he died, I made the promise to him that we were gonna be okay. And especially as a young widow, um, I I pray and I hope that my girls will have the opportunity to have a father while they're young. Um, because I my daughter who died when who was two when my husband died, she doesn't really remember that experience anymore. Which is great because I have a mommy's girl because they were two completely daddy's girls before he died. Um, but I just I really I grew up with divorced parents, and for me, having that complete family was a gift that I wanted to give my kids, and I am still praying that that will be possible one day for them while they're young, is my hope that we can all have that family experience and that they can grow up with that while they're still little enough to you know, have a daddy and not just a dad.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

Right, right. How did you work through feelings of moving forward while still honoring Jacob?

SPEAKER_00 16:36

I think as a widow, grief really opens up our hearts. It opens up our hearts to how painful this world can be. So again, I didn't really feel guilty. I felt like I love him and I will always carry him. And now it is time for me to find another person for my heart. It's not that he is being removed in any way, it's just that my heart has healed and grown big enough that I could fit somebody else in there. And definitely the person who ultimately I end up with is gonna need to understand that we're always gonna celebrate his birthday. There will be pictures of him in our home. And it's not, it's not a competition. It's and it's not a comparison, it's just a completely different love story that is, I hope God will bless me with somebody who is equally wonderful in his own way. And that my kids are going to know about their dad and honor him and remember him as well.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

That is so beautifully put, Erin. Just the way how you said that your heart's just grown big enough to love another person too. It great it brings really great perspective on the situation. It's not like you're re you're not replacing Jacob. He's always going to be there. And you're just make there's space for another person. So that's a beautiful perspective. Have you had conversations with your daughters about dating, you dating, and what have those conversations look like? I know they're little.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Um, we've had conversations in prayer that you know someday God will bring us a dad again, another dad, and that again it won't be the same, but that I think they're excited about that prospect, and and I am as well. Um it it's not too much more than that now, other than um when I did start talking to somebody, like I told them that he's my friend, and and they don't understand the ins and outs too much. They think like you decide you like somebody and then you get married, and I had to explain, no, like we're friends first, and then and then if we decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend, then that's us figuring out if we want to marry each other, but that you know, they're really I think for them they want that timeline to be short and to have a dad right away. And I've been mostly just trying to tell them, like, it takes time to decide that you love somebody and all of that.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

What are your boundaries when it comes to introducing someone new to your children?

SPEAKER_00 19:28

They've been through a lot of grief and loss as well. So for me, I don't really want to introduce somebody unless I am certain that things are moving forward. And when I do introduce, I think keeping it low stakes, like I said, because I've seen how attached they get and how just excited they are about having a man in their life again. Because they don't have, I mean, I do the best I can, but I can't lift them up and throw them around and just have that kind of physical playfulness that a guy could. Um so yeah, just trying to balance it so that I'm not hiding that I'm like talking to someone, but also letting them know that it's not that serious yet has been a little bit of a challenge.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

What are you most protective of now as a mother?

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Just that, yeah, just getting their hopes up um because they've dealt with so much loss. With losing your spouse, you don't just lose their spouse. Um, unfortunately, we lost pretty much all contact with his family and a lot of friendships and things fall apart as well, just because people don't know how to be around you, and that's tough. And most of our friends from church were couple friends, and um, like I said, I'm not the same person without my person, and so a lot of those have kind of fallen away as well. So I'm just definitely leery of opening them up to more loss than they need to have in their lives.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

What has surprised you most about dating as a widow?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Um there's not very many of us out there, so and and I've only just recently recently started dating for a few months. So I think it's been interesting how people react to it. Like there aren't that many young widows, and being in your 30s is a weird blend of there's some people who have never been married before, and that would be really intimidating, I think, to come into my life if you haven't been married before and haven't had kids before, and I've had all of that very fully for 10 years. And then there's people Who have been married and divorced and don't want kids again. So I think it's just been surprising to see what people are kind of interested in and not interested in. Um I think from my experience, I would say that the widow situation is a little intimidating for some people. Um, which to me is kind of sad just because widows, we kind of pride ourselves in thinking like we are oathkeepers, like we've done it. We've kind of, in a way, we've proven ourselves that we will do it till death do us part, and that we're not the type of people who are going to shy away from the hard things. And I think there's a lot of great things that come with having to survive widowhood. Um, but I understand that people don't really know how to feel about that label, especially people our age who are in their you know 30s and stuff. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Yes, I agree with you. You are an amazing mother, and you've been with your you've been with Jacob for 10 years. I mean, you're an excellent candidate. You're like, you you're the you're the one who should be the next bachelorette. Like you like a face bachelorette. If anyone's listening who's a producer, I we have a show and Erin needs to be your first bachelorette. How do you communicate your story to someone new?

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Um, I usually just give a summary of kind of what happened. Um, a lot of my story has to do with faith, like I've been saying, and that's how I deal with things and find hope um and strength to continue through it. And I don't know, I've just seen a lot of gift in this grief and how God is using it. I think when you've been through grief, you feel so invisible. And being able to see people in a new way and see their pain in a new way has been a gift that's come out of it. And so when I share my story, I try to not focus too much on the details or exactly what happened, or I have no idea why it happened, but to focus on what's come out of it and how it's changed me and the good things that can come.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

What does a healthy partner look like to you now? Has that changed at all?

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Oh, for sure. I mean, Jacob and I met when I was 20 and we got married when I was 25. So what I wanted when I what I wanted when I started dating 18 years ago and met my future husband is very different than who I am now. And even who I am now is different than who I was when he was alive. To me, um definitely somebody who's I think honestly, I'm looking for somebody who's been through things too, whether it's a divorce or other big struggles, because there is, you know, character that comes from that, and somebody who's definitely sure of what he wants and can talk through the tough things. Widows don't have a lot of patience for superficial things when we've been through something that is so difficult. We really want somebody who understands that.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

As you're talking about your grief and your experience, our experience with having lost our mom when we were young. I mean, we weren't as young as your girls. I was 21, and my the youngest was 15 when we lost our mom. But it's been 21 years now, and in seeing the person you loved most in the world at that time uh lose their battle to such a horrid disease is just one of those things that affects you for life. And even though it's been 21 years, we still go through the seasonal depression, especially around the holidays, because there's it still to this day feels like there's someone who's missing in that. So I can only imagine the pain that you are in, especially with having found your life partner. I mean, you you had come from divorced parents, you found this person, you made a life with them, and you knew that you guys were gonna be together and you took your vow seriously. So I my heart goes out to you, Erin. It genuinely does. And when we think about the younger, younger gals who are dating, who have not been married before, who have not had kids before, they're on the dating apps, they're saying they can't find anyone, yada, yada, yada. What advice would you give those ladies?

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I think actions are the most important thing to look for and consistency in that. I think actions are really gonna tell, you know, I've seen it on different social media. This is gonna be the person who is taking care of you when you're on your worst days. This is the person who's gonna be the father to your kids. Think about how they would treat or how they would act in those situations. Um, because you want somebody who's gonna stand with you through thick and thin. Somebody who's gonna, if you're not the one who dies first, then it's gonna be them. And unfortunately for women, it's most likely gonna be them. And so just somebody who can be with you in those tough times. And I think looking for, like I said, actions and consistency in that, and I think it takes time to really evaluate those things, and um, it's it's hard. That's why online dating has been difficult for me because I can't judge somebody by a little snippet on their profile in a picture. I'm like, this doesn't tell me who you are as a person at all, and that's really what I want to know when I'm deciding if somebody's gonna be a good partner for me or not.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

How has your definition of love changed?

SPEAKER_00 28:35

For me, love has always been an action. Um, and it has to do a lot with serving. So, as a mom and widow, what I'm looking for in a partner is somebody who's going to walk alongside me in that, who's going to lighten my load and help out and see the need and meet the need. Somebody who's going to be aware of what needs to go on and not somebody who's going to add more than what I already have to carry. I don't think a partner, a partner should be a good team player. And again, for me, that comes with serving each other and helping each other out. And I need that more now than ever because I can do things on my own and I've gotten good at all my routines and everything. And like I said, I want somebody who's going to add to my life and help lighten my load, not somebody who's going to put more on it. And I mean, we all have periods where one partner's carrying more and the other one, you know, is carrying less. But somebody who's willing to help out is the biggest thing for me. And that that to me is love is serving each other and helping each other.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

Mm-hmm. Compliment you, not complicate you. And I saw you were putting your daughter's bike together too. So having to navigate learning so many new things as well. What else have you had to learn to do?

SPEAKER_00 30:08

I've had to learn to take care of myself a lot. And that's that's tricky as a mom because there's so much mom guilt and feeling like you're never doing enough. Um, but I just have to be content with that I'm giving whatever I can. And sometimes that means tonight we're watching a movie, maybe even two, and we're getting takeout on the way home because I really just need to have some time alone to deal with the big heavy feelings that I'm carrying. Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Yeah, Jacob's.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

I don't know if it's him in particular. I think when we carry somebody and their love, our love for them, that it just becomes our why, you know, like he's the reason that I serve in a widow's ministry, he's the reason that I serve at church because they were there for me and I want to be there for other people. So it's kind of morphed into that's the memorial of him, right? Is how I carry him in my heart, is how I treat people and how I try to give back to people and and I try to help and encourage other people around their difficult times and their journeys. And and that's the gift that grief has given me. And I I think it's because of him, because if I hadn't loved him that much and lost him, then I wouldn't be able to help in all those ways.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

What is one word that describes this season of life?

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Messy. And that's why grief is so hard because people don't know what to do with messy, so we get really good at masking it really quickly. And that's why I started posting stuff on social media because I just think there needs to be more about how messy it is, because that messiness starts to show people panic a little bit, and it's like, you don't understand, it's there all the time. I'm just I'm good at hiding it because you get uncomfortable really quickly when you are hurting that badly, and I get it. Um messy, yeah. I I don't have answers, and I am very happy to tell you I don't have answers because I don't want you to expect me to have it together.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Yeah. Yeah. What is something people misunderstand about dating as a widow?

SPEAKER_00 32:59

I think like you mentioned earlier, there's that like you're replacing him, or you know, you're filling that void. For me, because I'm dating many years into my grief journey, I think I feel like I'm approaching it in a healthy way, not to replace or just to try to fill a gap. I really am trying to find my next life partner, my next person who I can do things with. And there's a lot of judgment that comes with that. Some people think if you're dating again, that it means that you didn't love your spouse. And whenever a widow chooses to date, it should be celebrated because it takes a lot of courage to open up your heart to hurting and pain when it's already hurting and pain and all the ups and downs that come with grief. So I just think that's a huge misunderstanding, is that it in any way affects my love for my late husband. It doesn't. It is still very much there, it is very much present. I see him in my kids all the time. And like I mentioned, it's just making room for somebody else. It's never ever a competition.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Yes. And I think that's another thing that we can add for young women who may be listening who are dating, is it's important to date with intentionality, regardless of where you are in dating or if you are dating, whatnot, it's important to date with intentionality. And that way too, you're you could weave out those who won't be a good fit for you.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

Yeah. Online, there's just a lot of people who are dating just for fun, to have something short-term. And so it can be difficult to find somebody who is dating with the purpose of marriage. Um, that's why I've limited myself mostly to Christian apps and things like that, because there just is a very different vibe all around. I even have a one app that I'm on called Holy. If you swipe by too many people, it it will time you out for four hours, I believe. And it says, you just looked at 40 people with God's image. Like we want you to take some time because they really want to force that intentionality. And for me, unfortunately, that happens a lot because I just happen to live in an area where nobody is in my state. So I'm not um really entertaining the idea of a long-distance relationship. So that means I like quite a lot of people, not I just don't want to get attached to somebody who lives, you know, in a different state or a different part of the country. But I just yeah, it's a very different vibe, not to say that everybody is 100% that way, but um if if you are a person of faith, I would definitely say, although it might limit the dating pool, that there is a gift in choosing um Christian apps, because I think the intent is much more there than in other situations or other apps. Good advice.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

What is something that brings you peace lately?

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Worshiping has always brought me peace. With grief, a lot of us in those first few months, we really don't want any noise. We are just so overwhelmed and so in shock that any additional noise feels very overstimulating. But for me, I eventually found that, you know, my counselor was saying, Oh, you should like meditate or you should do some deep breathing. And I was like, I am not a meditation or deep breathing kind of gal. Like that is my mom brain goes a million miles a minute, and I got 50 tabs open on a good day. So worshipping helps me because there is some deep breathing that happens when you are singing, especially worship music. So naturally, it does have some of that, and also it brings me back to center. You know, the message of the lyrics and the hope that I find in them helps me put things into perspective and just gives me what I need to keep fighting the good fight and trusting that what I'm doing is enough for my kids and that someday it won't always feel like survival.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

What would you say to another widow who feels guilty about dating again?

SPEAKER_00 37:30

I would say that everybody has their own journey, and when you whenever you feel ready, you'll know. And if there's guilt about it, that might be a signal that you're not quite in that place, and that's absolutely fine. You don't need to rush it, you don't need to push yourself. Um, and that that might be something to talk to somebody about because I really think that there is a reason to choose yourself and to choose joy. And that that's been a struggle for me too, is like as a mom, dating is not just for me, it's for my kids too, really. It's for all of us. And and I there should not be any guilt associated with living life and choosing love. And and I understand, like I've said, it's it's messy, and there might be a little of that, but if it's overwhelming you, then again, take some time to reflect because I really think life is for living and loving.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

What do you hope your daughters learn about love from watching you?

SPEAKER_00 38:34

That's been a real challenge for me with dating, is is I really want to set a good example for them. Like I said, coming from divorced parents, I wanted them to see a healthy relationship, and and they had that for a while. And for me, choosing somebody who expresses their love, who helps out, who really values family and and just loves me well and loves them well is so important. And so that's it's a lot to fill, a lot to ask for. But setting that example and doing things right is really important for me because I want them to have that and to see the value in that when they are starting dating and things like that. So that's been a lot for me. Like I'm very much dating with intention. I'm not planning on living with somebody before I get married because for me, I want my daughters to when they invest in love for it to be something that's gonna be safe and good for them.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

What does happiness look like for you now?

SPEAKER_00 39:48

For me, happiness is just loving well, loving well the people that you care about and doing what you can to help others. So I'm very much looking for someone who's gonna build this family and and help serve in the community as well, and giving back and helping others along the way with their struggles.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

If Jacob could see you today, what do you think he'd say?

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Sometimes I wonder if he'd recognize me because I've had to be so different. I mean, I look the same on the outside, but who I am is so different on the inside. Um, but I really think our late spouses would be proud of anything that we do to survive, to get out of it, because grief makes so many people stuck. And it takes a long time to find that balance between honoring them and remembering them, but figuring out how to rebuild and and move forward yourself. So there's been some times where I wonder, because it has been a struggle, but I think overall we are we are surviving and we are starting to thrive, and he would be really proud of us for that.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

Oh, I'm sure. Definitely. Now, Aaron, is there a recent mom life moment you could share with us? Like accidentally putting salsa in your coffee instead of the groomer.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Oh, that happens all the time. I went to put the toaster back, and there was a box of frozen waffles in my cabinet. Oh, I thought I was doing better. I guess I'm not. But it's just one of those days, you know. When you carry so much, you have to give yourself grace. It's like the kids are clean, they're fed. That sometimes is enough of a challenge for the day.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes, I agree with you. Oh my gosh. What is your favorite quote?

SPEAKER_00 42:04

Oh, one of my favorite quotes is actually from the Bible. It is um second in 2 Corinthians, I believe it's 1-4. It says God comforts us so that we can comfort others. He helps us through the hard times so that we can help through others. And I think through grief, that has become my life verse. That has become that purpose. I think a lot of us end up finding purposes in our grief. You see, so many people who start foundations or memorial runs or whatever. And it really to me that just shows that there can be a purpose in it, and sometimes it's hard to find that silver lining. But that that quote has helped me a lot that God helps us so that we can help others, and that's become kind of just the way that I do life through grief.

SPEAKER_05 42:55

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

If anybody wants to follow my journey, the handle that I use is at worshipping widow. Um, like I said, I have nothing figured out, I'm just sharing my mess because, like I mentioned, I've seen in ministry how sharing your story can help others. And um, our widow's ministry is growing a little slower than I like. And so I really felt a calling to pivot and start sharing my story online, which if you knew me before this year, you would know that I post nothing online. Yes, I was so surprised to be so active. A lot of people were. Um, and that's just me trying to help others. I've seen there's a really great community of grievers online and especially young widows. It can be hard to find young widows in our community, but that community is so much bigger. You can connect to people much further away online. So, yeah, if anyone wants to continue to see my story as it's being written, that would be where to do it. And feel free to pray for me along the way because I I sure could use it.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

We will be praying for you and your beautiful daughters at Worshiping Widow. Make sure you follow Worshiping Widow, and that is on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

Erin, thank you for sharing your story with so much honesty, vulnerability, and strength. Your journey is a powerful reminder that grief doesn't have a timeline. And that healing doesn't mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry love forward in a new way. If there's one thing I'm taking from this conversation, it's this. Life after loss is messy, but it can also be meaningful. There's still purpose, still love, and still hope. To anyone listening who is walking through grief, navigating loss, or even considering what it means to move forward, you are not alone. And Erin's story is proof that even in the darkest season, there is a way forward. One step, one prayer, one day at a time. If you'd like to follow Erin's journey, you can find her at Worshiping Widow on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. We'll be sure to link everything in the show notes. And as always, thank you for being here, for supporting this space, and for leaning into these real and meaningful conversations. Be sure to share this episode with at least three friends. Follow so you never miss an episode. Until next time, keep showing up, keep loving deeply, and keep trusting that even in the mess, something beautiful can grow. Bye everyone.

SPEAKER_04 46:18

Please share with another beautiful mom and follow so you never miss an episode. Always remember, you are the perfect mom for your baby. You are worthy, and you are enough.