IEPs, Advocacy & Belonging: What Every Mom Needs to Know About Special Education

In this powerful and informative episode of Mom-Life, Sonya sits down with Alicia —special education specialist and mom of two—to break down everything parents need to know about navigating special education.

From understanding IEPs and 504 plans to recognizing early signs your child may need support, Alicia shares practical advice in a way that feels approachable, empowering, and real.

They dive into:

• What special education actually is (and what it isn’t)
• The step-by-step process of getting your child evaluated
• How to confidently walk into an IEP meeting
• Common myths and misunderstandings about special education
• How to build a collaborative relationship with your child’s school
• Supporting neurodiversity and teaching inclusion at home

Most importantly, this episode is a reminder that you are not alone—and that your voice as a parent matters more than you think.

Whether you’re just starting to have concerns or already navigating services, this conversation will leave you feeling informed, supported, and empowered.

 Tune in and remember: you are your child’s greatest advocate.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello, beautiful. Welcome back to Mom Life, the podcast for moms who are doing their best, learning as they go, and showing up every single day. I'm your host, Sonia Flores. Today's episode is one that so many moms need. Especially if you've ever felt overwhelmed, confused, or even intimidated when it comes to your child's education. We're talking about special education. What it is, how it works, and how to advocate for your child with confidence. I'm joined by Alicia, a special education specialist with over 20 years of experience and a mom of two. She breaks down everything from IEPs and 504 plans to the evaluation process, common signs your child may need support, and what really happens in those meetings. But more than that, this conversation is about empowerment because at the end of the day, you are your child's biggest advocate. So whether you're just starting to have questions or you're already navigating the process, this episode is for you. Grab your drink, hot or cold, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Alicia, thank you so much for being with us today. Can you tell us about yourself, both as a special education specialist and a mom of two daughters? Sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

So my favorite title is mom. I have two little girls that are eight and six. And if that wasn't crazy enough, we also have one cat, two puppies that we just got, and four chickens. Life is definitely nuts. And so bouncing all of that, I'm also a special education teacher for years, about 20 years now. I started out teaching. Well, I started as an instructional assistant at a non-public school. And then I've been with my current district for about 16 years and in my current role, district office as support personnel for almost six now. So it's been crazy. I came after this role during COVID and it's it's been a wild ride and it's been a good one and definitely a growing experience for me.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

How has motherhood shaped the way you lead and advocate in your role? I think, gosh, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

I think I have a deeper empathy for families, for how families feel when their child has special needs and needs more support, right? And I think I became a bit softer with families. I definitely found myself giving more grace. I think in my meetings, you know, talking to parents, it became less clinical and more personal. And, you know, during meetings, less like going through a procedural checklist. Just that. I think, you know, I have more patience. I give families more flexibility. I feel like I meet parents where they're at. And I know that they're coming from a place. You know, we're all doing the best we can.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

What does belonging mean to you, especially during this month of neurodiversity celebration?

SPEAKER_03 3:31

I would say belonging means acceptance, holding space and making room for everyone. It's more than just being there and calling it inclusion, right? I think a lot of times we do that. We're like, the students being included, but it's it's more than that. It's making sure that they have space and they feel like they belong in every environment.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

For moms listening who may feel overwhelmed, how would you simplify explaining special education services?

SPEAKER_03 4:02

It's basically specialized support for kiddos that do need eligibility in order to access their education. It's very individualized and it's specific to meet the needs of students, of their specific student.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

What is an individualized education program or IEP? And who qualifies for one?

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Well, an IEP is a plan that outlines a student's specific learning goals, documents their progress, and they're given specialized services and supports that they need in order to succeed in school. In order to qualify one, if they have a recognized disability and need specialized instruction in order to make progress in their education. And it's more intensive educational support due to a specific disability.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Thank you for that clarification. What are some common signs that a child might need additional support in school?

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Oh gosh. I think the big one, right? We see our kiddos struggling, just ongoing difficult with reading, with writing or math compared to other kids. I think a lot of times we like to compare our own kids, right? So you might see one, you know, one is struggling a little bit more. Trouble maybe following directions, maybe trouble staying focused. They need to constantly be redirected back to a task, or they don't quite understand what you're asking of them, even just around the house. I think a lot of times our kiddos will have frequent frustration because things are hard. They're not quite understanding what's going on in the classroom, or they'll have anxiety about going to school, or they'll start avoiding schoolwork. I think a lot of times I would hear moms and dads say, you know, they always complain of a stomachache or they don't want to come to school, right? So those are things to look out for. That something's going on, right? It may not be that it's special education, but something needs to be addressed at the school if it's not a positive place for them to want to be. A lot of times, especially with the young ones, right? Where we're they're not in school yet. So we don't see academic delays, but there'll maybe be a delay in speech and their language or communication skills, or maybe they have difficulty making or keeping friends, right? It might be a social deficit. Definitely sometimes we see behavior concerns, and those behavior concerns might be because communication. So if they're having difficulty, we may see a spike in behavior. Or you just, you know, they're not making expected progress. So those are all things that you can kind of look out for and to start having conversations.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

What should a parent do if they feel their child is struggling, but the school hasn't identified anything yet?

SPEAKER_03 7:09

You know, a lot of times is it's communication. Start talking to the teacher. Sometimes actually, your concerns may not be concerns of the professionals. Maybe that's why it's not getting brought up right away, because it may be actually developmentally typical. But sometimes not. I think it all starts with conversations and start asking questions. If a kiddos behind, you see they're really struggling, ask about available interventions that the school might offer. Ask what you can do at home to support what's happening in the classroom. But it really, I think communication is key.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I know that at my daughter's school, we have like the conferences and we have those apps nowadays where it's like easy to communicate to parents. So essentially using any of those avenues. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Just start asking the questions and letting the teacher know what the concerns are.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Thank you. Can you walk us through the step-by-step process of getting a child evaluated for special education? I know there are a lot of questions around it.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

Yeah, you know, and there's different avenues too, right? Like sometimes parents don't even, it's not on their radar that there is a concern. You know, a lot of times teachers will have that concern and bring them up through a referral process. They'll bring them to something called an SST, which is a student study team. And they might, you know, meet as a grade level, talk about what interventions can be implemented, start collecting data and talk about that with a parent. And maybe those interventions are enough. And so that that's great. That's always the goal. Um, maybe it's not, and we move to an assessment. And maybe parents have the concern and talk to the teacher, and everyone agrees, yeah, I think we should move towards an assessment, special education assessment. And if that's the case, the first thing that needs to happen is an assessment plan is developed. And we talk with a parent, we talk about what are your concerns to make sure that we assess all areas of suspected disability. It could be, you know, just academics, it could be communication. We bring in a speech and language therapist, it could be sensory processing or, you know, motor. There's so many different areas that we can assess holistically to make sure that we have a nice thorough assessment. So we get that assessment plan developed. And once the parent signs it and gives us consent to assess, from that moment, we the district would have 60 days to complete those assessments and hold a meeting to discuss how the kiddo did and if the student meets eligibility. And if they do, what are some goals? And based on those goals, what types of services would best meet the kiddo's needs?

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Does that mean that they qualify for services once they meet eligibility? It depends.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Student could have maybe, for example, a diagnosis of autism. But once the district assesses, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to qualify for services. So we're looking at how does one, does a student meet eligibility? And two, if they do, how is it impacting their access to the curriculum?

SPEAKER_01 10:24

What happens during an IEP meeting, and who is in the room?

SPEAKER_03 10:28

There's different types of IEP meeting. The first meeting you will ever have after your child's assessed is called an initial. You only have one initial. It's your entryway into SPED or it's, you know, it's your um that first meeting to discuss if a student is or isn't eligible for special education. And at that meeting, everyone at the table, whoever assessed in all of the different areas that, you know, could potentially be part of the assessment, goes over their reports and their findings and discusses if they are or aren't eligible. If they are, then goals are developed, services are discussed on how to support that student moving forward. And then we also have annual IEPs. So after a student, if they are eligible, then we need to meet annually every year moving forward as long as that student continues to meet eligibility. We have another type of IEP called a triannual or a re-evaluation. And that needs to happen every three years just to see if the student continues to meet eligibility and get fresh assessment data in order to develop the best possible plan for the kiddos. And then in between, you know, IEPs can be held as much as is is required, right? I've been in situations where, you know, I'm meeting monthly with parents in the IEP team, and that's called an amendment. And so parents, if they have concern, you ask for an IEP, and the district needs to hold the hold those within 30 days to discuss any concerns or make any adjustments to that IEP is necessary. I think the most important person who's in the room is mom and dad or guardian, right? Whoever is the caregiver of that kiddo. It's so important that parents participate and are active participants in these meetings because they're the expert on their kiddo. We're educational specialists and we're all professionals in our fields, but there's no one more important than the parent. So it's important that the parents are there. You also need an administrator and then whoever is servicing that kiddo. And the parent can invite anyone they want to as well, anyone who has relevant, important information to share.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

What advice would you give moms walking into their first IEP meeting?

SPEAKER_03 12:35

To know that everyone in the room loves kids. And we got into this profession because we do love kids. We want help. We're helpers by nature. We want what's best for your kiddo too. And like I said before, we're the expert in our field, but you're the expert on the kiddo. Feel comfortable to speak up and to be honest. I think a lot of times it's hard to share concerns and what, you know, what's actually happening. I think a lot of times, especially for our young ones, I'll get in situations where parents will share, like, oh no, they can do that. They can do that. It's it's with help. You know, it's like you go to the doctor, you want to make sure that you're giving the doctor accurate information. It's important to give the professionals at the school site accurate information too, so we can make sure that we're best meeting in the keddo's needs. So just knowing that, walking in. And as far as like IEP prep, I think it's so overwhelming. And you're getting all of this information for the first time or hearing things for the first time. Even every year, you're getting new information to know that you can request drafts of everything to review before the meeting so that kind of are front-loaded and you're able to follow along. You know, ask all the questions, bring friends, bring a support person, ask to record a meeting if that helps, to go back and listen to it. It's just so much information, I feel like is always being presented kind of quickly. And so it's in when you're talking about your kiddo and it's so personal, sometimes I know it would be hard for me to retain all of that information. But I think the most important thing is just to know that it's a team, they're an important part of the team, probably one of the most important people on the IEP team. And just to know that we're all here on the to do what's best for their kiddo.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

That's really great advice. I know that when I did the process of having my daughter on a 504 plan for her ADHD, it was so helpful to go to someone such as yourself or school psychologists to kind of talk about things before going into the meeting. And I'd had close conversations and contact with the teachers before even trying to get her evaluated by a pediatrician. So is that sometimes the route that parents take?

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Absolutely. That's one avenue. Yeah, because I know, you know, I'm thinking of all the doctor's appointments that I had with my kid. I was they're always you have to report on the different milestones. Are they are they meeting this one? Are they meeting that one? That's why it's so important to be brutally honest with those medical professionals because they're going to see any red flags along the way, right? And so that doctor might say, you know, your kiddos not talking quite yet. You know, that's kind of a concern for me. And so they might refer you to a speech therapist through your health insurance. They might refer you out to regional center. But yeah, that's definitely one avenue where kiddos are referred for a special education assessment, just talking to the doctor and talking about those milestones to make sure that they're meeting them. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Thank you. Many moms feel intimidated in these meetings. How can they confidently advocate for their child?

SPEAKER_03 15:56

To be honest and open and speak up. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Ask the why or hows. Like how did you reach that decision? Or you know, why are you recommending this service? It's all based on data. So ask for that data. And I think, you know, when you're talking about facts and easier to feel less intimidated, knowledge is power kind of thing. Just don't be afraid to ask the questions. If you don't understand something, speak up. I really admire parents who do that.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

I definitely see how taking notes during a meeting could help or inviting a friend to be in there. Just because that first meeting could be intimidating.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

Exactly. And to never feel like they need to make a decision on the spot. That's intimidating too. Like you don't know what you're gonna do. Like, am I making the right decision? So just going back and processing it, even saying, can we meet again? Let's talk about this. I have some follow-up questions, just making sure you thoroughly understand what the professionals are sharing with you. What are some rights parents should know they have? Well, in California, especially decisions can't be made without parent consent. And we can't, you know, implement an IEP or provide any services without the parent um agreeing to that. And changes, you know, are not made without the parent participating in that discussion. I think that's probably one of the most important rights the parents have.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

How can moms build a collaborative, not adversarial relationship with the school team?

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Oh my gosh, communication, communicational, communication and more communication, right? Share what your concerns are every step of the way, right? Don't I, you know, don't wait for something to blow up and become a big problem. If you see concerns along the way, keep talking about them. Ask to volunteer, be present. I had a situation where, you know, parents didn't have the best experience with a prior teacher, whatever it was. So they're very apprehensive. Trust had been broken, to say the least. And, you know, when they came to me, you know, I'm I'm an open book. My classroom is an open door, and I invited them in. And so I think when they started coming around more and they saw how I was working with the students, you know, just building that trust. It starts with communication, it starts with, you know, learning to trust the professionals who are working with your student. So just like I said, being present.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

You've alluded to communication and also the possibility of misunderstandings. Yeah. What are common mistakes or misunderstandings you see from both parents and the school?

SPEAKER_03 18:47

I go back to when I was a brand new teacher, right? I think I've learned that having clear expectations and very clear procedures from the very beginning I helps with any misunderstandings. I think if you if you live in the gray, you know, people can have a different perception of what's expected, if that makes sense. You know, as a teacher, I just want to make sure that I have clear expectations and procedures. And as a parent, I'm making sure that I'm constantly asking if you're not clear what's going on. I think a lot of times, you know, parents have come at me in general with a concern, there's a problem, and you come in in an accusatory tone rather than I'm seeking information. I think for parents just to know that 9.99 times out of 10, the whole team wants what's best for your kiddo. Just making sure you're coming in from an information-seeking place.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

What are common mistakes or misunderstandings you see from both parents and schools?

SPEAKER_03 19:48

I think common misunderstandings or you know conflicts happen when there's communication breakdown. I mean, it just goes back to communication. For parents, if something isn't clear, ask. If you have concerns, talk about them from the very, very beginning. And as far as the teacher side of things, just knowing as a teacher, I made sure that I had very clear expectations. I had very clear procedures and everything was written down. Back to school night, we went over them all. And I made sure that I had an open door policy. If anything wasn't clear or anything you just weren't sure about, like please, please ask.

unknown 20:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

I'm glad you brought up back to school night because I feel like it again re-emphasizes the importance of being involved. Or many times, like the teachers will have a slide deck that they present back to school night. And it's an opportunity in the event you can't make it, like to ask the teacher for a copy of the slides just to make sure that you know what's going on in the classroom and the expectations that the teacher has.

SPEAKER_03 21:02

Absolutely. And I would even hand it to the parent and be like, yeah, I'm so sorry you weren't able to make it. I have a few minutes if you want to go over this really quick. I would also make that effort to reach out to give another opportunity. And I was always more than happy to have parent-teacher conferences all along the way. Meetings don't have to be IEP meetings. They don't have to be formal meetings. They can be little check-ins, like, hey, you know, Alicia, do you have a few minutes after school today to chat? If I did, I would. And I would welcome it. Just being involved is just so important, even if you think you know all the information, just showing up. And you know what? That is important for your kiddos to see too. You know, when I show up to parent teacher conferences, when I show up to school assemblies and meetings, it's setting precedent to my kids that education is important. We are all here to help you, kiddo.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Yes. Yes. Now, in this month of celebrating your Diversity, how can other parents teach their kids to be more inclusive and empathetic?

SPEAKER_03 22:08

Oh gosh, things I tell my kids, just talking about differences. Everyone's brain and body works differently, and that's okay. Sharing that some kids need more help, you know, just like some kids wear glasses or use ramps. They're in a wheelchair, and that's and that's okay too. Everyone has their strengths. This is one thing I really harp on with my kiddos. If you see someone feeling left out, you can be the one to help include them, invite them over, smile. Just you know, making sure that everyone feels like they have a place at the table.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

A smile goes a long way. Doesn't it? What do you wish more people understood about children on the autism spectrum?

SPEAKER_03 22:51

That they're people too. They're just people who experience and interact with the world differently. They have feelings, likes, and dislikes, and they're capable of so much. That spectrum is huge. And we shouldn't underestimate anyone, regardless of what abilities they may or may not have.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

As a mom yourself, how do you balance the emotional weight of your job with home life?

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Cocktails? No, I know. I'm kidding, kind of. Money and hiding. You know, I would say most days are full of celebrations. And knowing the work I do is helping kids. I mean, even if I'm not in the classroom anymore, right? I'm not, but I'm helping teachers help kids. And that's, you know, it feels it feels good. But some days are tough. There's been times when things can get heavy for various reasons. I definitely lean on my colleagues, my teacher friends, and I bent. They get it. And we try to just find humor in situations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Now you've mentioned drinking, but how well do you personally recharge when the work feels heavy?

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Personally recharge. I, you know, I I like to just be outside and just have calm time, quiet time, go out and I hang out with my chickens all alone. Uh, I do something fun with my girls, right? Their labs and their silly things they say can definitely make the crazy, regardless if it's work-related or just personal related. They can make all the the hard stuff go away for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Yes, having pets does help, right? Although my puppies can definitely try me bonkers too.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

All right. Rapid fire, special ed quick truths. Ready? Okay, ready. IEP or 504. When in doubt, where should a parent start? Talk to the teacher, talk to the administrators. They can definitely point you in the right direction. Love it. One word every mom should remember in meetings.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Uh clarity. Ask for clarity, be clear, express your concerns clearly, have clear goals to keep the meeting focused and on what the child needs the most.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Love it. Biggest myth about special education. Oh my god, where do I start?

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Maybe that special ed is only for students with severe disabilities. Maybe that once a child gets services, they're gonna be there forever. That's not the case. We always want to, you know, get kiddos off of an IEP in the least restrictive environment as much as possible. That it's just extra help or tutoring, it's not. It's specialized instruction, right? It's not just extra support. What else? The students are separated from their peers all day. That's not the case. We want to make sure that they're in the genetic setting as much as possible. And that, you know what another big one is? Is that needing special education means that a child's not smart, right? A disability has nothing to do with intelligence. Sometimes, but not always, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

I love that. Thank you. What's the most important thing a child with special needs needs from their parents? Love. Right.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

I think we all need love. Right. Me too. Patience, support, acceptance. They just need someone in their corner.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

One small thing every classroom can do to be more inclusive.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

I think setting a tone, right, in the classroom. I think creating a safe space. And when that's done, I, you know, we're kiddos, we're all feeling welcome and they have a sense of belonging. Kids are gonna naturally thrive, right? And just to keep in mind that we shouldn't make kids fit into our box. Our goal is to, you know, provide kids what they need in order to feel accepted, in order to thrive.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

What would you say to a mom who just received a diagnosis for their child and feels overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Oh my goodness. I've been in so many of these meetings that it's okay to feel upset to validate your feelings. It's okay not to be strong. That I think a lot of parents are feeling sometimes a mix of relief because they finally have an answer. Like, what's going on? Right. They're having, they're getting answers to their concerns and their questions. And it's okay to feel sad or scared. And none of those feelings make you a bad mom. I think there is a lot of grieving that happens when you first hear about a diagnosis for your kiddo, and it's not the path that you thought you were going to have. I think we all have these huge plans for our kiddos that we that we make. And it's hard when things go off of the plan. You know, you don't have to make decisions right away. And then an IEP only opens doors to help support your kiddo. And you don't need to understand everything, and that will come. It can be so, like I said, so overwhelming. You're getting so much information. And us special educators love to use acronyms. What is an IEP and an IEEE and a right? It's like, what does all of this mean? Right? You know, and it's gonna come. And so just to make sure you're asking the questions. What does that mean? What does it mean? Tell me more. And that helps people to meet, to meet you where you're at so that we can help, you know, as professionals, we can help you through the process and to find your people. You find your support group. Where can we go? Many places. And I hope that the school site is part of your team, but you can also go to so many places. To regional center can put you in contact with support people. You can even online, there's different support groups. Just be careful, right? They're not not always professionals behind behind the chat groups, but just talking.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

I've also gotten some flyers of information of CELPA offices. Is that something that's offered or available to families like across the country? I believe it's across the country.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

I mean, I know specifically California. So, but a CELPA is a special education local plan area. Different districts will kind of group together and form a CELPA, and that's a whole nother level of support. And I know, you know, one of the big things that they do is they have a parent support component and they have different meetings throughout the year, different trainings, and that's a really great place to start. You know, your school site, your administrators are there to support you, your district, you can call your district office first for advice and first support. And then again, yourself as kind of a broader, bigger step above the district.

unknown 29:35

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

If every school truly embraced belonging, what would that look like?

SPEAKER_03 29:42

I feel like belonging is a feeling, just kind of a you walk into it and um that you're not just allowed to be there, but that this it's a space that would be incomplete without you. I love that. Yeah. Gosh, I think it would look like finding ways to incorporate all students regardless of their needs in every possible opportunity, right? And I think we're getting there. I think, you know, it's never been better. It's a perfect no, but I think more and more, just in general, in the world, I'm hopeful people are gonna continue to grow and embrace everyone's differences.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

What is your favorite quote? Oh gosh. I had this on my door in my classroom. It's every student can learn, just not on the same day or in the same way.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Mom Life. If there's one thing I hope you take away from today, it's this: you are not alone, and you don't have to have all the answers to start asking the right questions. A huge thank you to Alicia for sharing her knowledge, her heart, and her perspective. Not just as an educator, but as a mom. If this episode helped you, supported you, or gave you clarity, please share it with another mom or three who might need it too. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and stay connected because this is more than a podcast. It's a community. And remember, you are your child's voice, their advocate, and their safe place. I'll see you in the next episode.