Preparing Our Kids for High School: Parenting Through the Teen Years with Confidence

My sister, Belinda, joins once again for a very important conversation about our children's transitions and peer pressure. 

Sending your child to high school is about more than buying school supplies and finding classrooms—it's about preparing them for a world filled with new opportunities, new friendships, and new challenges.

In this episode of the Mom-Life Podcast, I sit down with a fellow mom to have an honest conversation about raising teenagers in today's world. Together, we discuss the realities of peer pressure, social media, friendships, mental health, and how we can equip our children to make wise decisions while staying true to themselves.

We also reflect on how parenting has evolved over the years and why open communication, healthy boundaries, and trust are the foundation of raising confident, resilient teens.

Whether your child is entering high school or you're simply looking for encouragement as you navigate the ever-changing seasons of motherhood, this conversation will leave you feeling empowered, supported, and reminded that you're not walking this journey alone.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Preparing your child for the transition to high school
• Building trust and open communication with teenagers
• Helping teens navigate peer pressure and social media
• Teaching healthy boundaries and confident decision-making
• Encouraging resilience, self-worth, and emotional well-being
• Why our children need connection more than perfection
• Practical encouragement for moms navigating the teenage years

This episode is a reminder that while we can't control every situation our children will face, we can give them something even more valuable—a safe home, a listening ear, and the confidence to know they are deeply loved.

If this episode encourages you, share it with another mom who's preparing for this season. Together, we can remind one another that parenting isn't about being perfect—it's about showing up with love, grace, and intention.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prescription-drug-abuse/in-depth/kratom/art-20402171

https://www.life360.com/?utm_source=GAds&utm_campaign=Web_Googleads_Search_Us_Conv_Branded_14858373544&utm_medium=paidsearch&utm_content=816701306293&utm_term=life360-e&adgroup=128371534455&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=14858373544&gbraid=0AAAAADPJuRRfIlA_LoyQfrz3GX4mNd2PX&gclid=CjwKCAjwhNbTBhB4EiwAsFSg-ojNJFuRobVPxOP7x20WjQW32BiJ5kcVHcqFoznE8EQdJGl47f8b0xoCiKAQAvD_BwE

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Mom Life Podcast. I'm your host, Sonia Flores, and I'm so grateful you're here. Motherhood doesn't come with a manual. Every new season brings new questions, new challenges, and new opportunities to grow alongside our children. Whether your child is starting kindergarten, middle school, high school, or somewhere in between, every transition can stir up excitement, uncertainty, and maybe even a little anxiety for both of you. In today's episode, we're talking about one of the biggest milestones in a family's journey, preparing our kids for high school. I'm joined by a fellow mom who raised sons into adulthood and is now preparing her daughter to begin high school. My wonderful sister, once again, Beninda. Together we have an honest conversation about how parenting has changed over the years, the pressures today's team space, and why creating a safe space for our children to talk openly may be one of the greatest gifts we can give them. We discuss peer pressure, social media, anxiety, setting boundaries, and teaching our kids how to make confident decisions when no one else is watching. Most importantly, we talk about raising children who know their worth and feel secure enough to say no when it matters most. So whether you're getting ready to send your child off to a new school, wondering how to navigate these ever-changing parenting seasons, or simply looking for encouragement, I hope this conversation reminds you that you're not alone. Grab your favorite beverage, take a deep breath, and let's jump into today's episode.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

When I saw the questions, I'm like, oh my gosh, it was so crazy because my comadre and I were just talking about it the night before because it was Bella's birthday and she turned 18 and she's a senior now in high school. The same high school that Vivian's gonna be attending. She was it was so cute just listening to their in-depth conversation with like high school life, like the peer pressure, in the sense that she was saying that she doesn't really have a lot of close real friends that she can really rely and depend on. That I'm hearing more and more amongst others from school, I mean from work that their child experiences the same thing. And if they're not in the in-crowd or the popular crowd, or they're not willing to like go outside of the comfort of what they they start limiting, you know, their their social circle. Yeah, there's exactly. Or if they're not in the the ends of the most popular social media, buttons, you know. It's just it's just so different than when we were growing up, or even my older kids.

unknown 3:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

It's so different. Like the pressures are just not just of like the school itself with academics or it the sports, it's more than that. It's the personality traits, it's the fashion, it's the social media, it's you know, all the different trends that are happening all around. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Well, I I'm really looking forward to this conversation too, because we are in an in an era right now of the year where we're transitioning into the new four years. So in terms of yeah, I think that's a free level. Um when your older boys were growing up, who are now adults in their 20s, and now you have a high school freshman. So how has parenting a high school daughter differed from raising your son?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

It is actually quite different because we're again in in a completely different area in this. But it is it is also kind of the same in the sense where our expectations and our values and the goals and all that uh, you know, still remains. Like, okay, hey, so if there are boundaries and you know, that has been instilled in all of them since they were young. And their expectation is always schools first and academic first. Everything else comes after. So just trying to create that open communication and really diving into the importance of where they're at in their headspace and where they're at in their own their own goal setting that they set for themselves. And emotional too. It's like where they are at in their own emotions of like, oh my gosh, you know, like how's your anxiety level? Are you nervous? Are you are you excited? How do you think Christmas school level school year is gonna be like? And what are you expecting? And you know, trying to have those open conversations is very helpful because um then you can really dive into um what they're hoping for to experience and what they're really nervous about with the anxiety. I mean, it everybody feels some sort of like way when you know you start something new and different. And especially if you're transitioning or you're you're transitioning into a new school year, whether it can be like into a new grade level in the same school or completely different grade level at a just completely different school, it all comes with its own challenges and excitement. I I feel like with my boys, they have the same group of kids. And I think I shared this in the last podcast where it's like we've we've always lived in a small, close net community. So that is to a benefit for for us in my in our experience. Um and I'm blessed because of that, because the same group of kids have been going through school the school year since they were in kindergarten. There are some that no longer remain as close as they go on to their higher grades and stuff. But as far as um completely going into a whole different setting with completely different people, I have to say that with Julian when he transitioned high school to to the community college, that was uh something very new for him because he had kids from other communities and things like that. But he was able to get acclimated pretty quickly because you know he he's he's very social. He's just a very social butterfly. So uh he makes friends and he has a group of friends now that they've carried on, you know, with getting together and you know, for weekends or whatever. But an example is he started summer school. Every year, all my kids have done summer school. They've taken one class or another in the along with sport. So we've we've kept them very busy because I think it's important for them to get a nice balance. They do have their own downtime. I mean, we're not like constantly keeping them from having relaxations or anything like that. When summer school is gonna begin, it was gonna begin at the high school, which he's gonna be attending. And so I said, How do you feel about going into high school or taking the class in the summer school? And uh she said, Oh fine, you know, like nothing. And and I go, Do you want me to? Because I was gonna request her mom to from work to drop her off and and take her. And she's like, No, mom, I'm fine. You know, I know the school because my brothers came here and her boys went there and stuff and so she was fine.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

And how did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_02 9:02

I was so proud because um and that goes on with um teaching them or or having in they're growing in their own independence and their own confidence. And yeah, so it was just like I was like really proud of her. Two years ago though, when she was going into silent place, she did do some school there at the high school and I did drop her off and walk her to and then you know, her friend uh got there and for someone she knew and was like, so I'm good, mom, you know. But yeah, it it's just um silly. You learn as you go, you know, it's all these life lessons that get thrown at you and you're just like and you just adjust you adjust to your kids' yeah experiences and uh trials and challenges.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

And their needs too, because as they go through their transitions, their needs look different.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

Absolutely, yeah. Needs are completely different.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

And what do you feel you have intentionally done over the years to build trust with your children?

SPEAKER_02 10:20

It's is just completely being open and direct. And as far as direct meaning just open conversations, asking those inquiring questions, not completely like give giving them a 20 questions or interrogation or anything, but it's just hey, I'm interested in in what's going on. You have to make time and you have to put forth the energy and the effort to really get into what your kids are interested in and what they're doing. And because along the way, they will turn to you and let you know hey, I think, you know, I'm in a bind, or um you know, I don't know which way to go about this and stuff. And and both their dad and and myself, you know, we're pretty good about that. Um but I feel like they come to me first.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

And then um, yeah, and I mean we've we've we've been able to grow together in the sense of where we feel comfortable and talking about the difficult life challenges and events.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

I feel like I feel like it's been like a combination of you checking in with them and really trying to understand their headphones, like you said, like uh asking them how they're feeling, if they're feeling asking them to those words, like words as a environment for them, and those boundaries that you have when they were young. I feel like those boundaries under society and how it runs. So when we're not putting those boundaries in place when the kids are young, then it kind of creates a different environment, an unsafe environment as they grow older.

SPEAKER_02 12:35

Absolutely. And then I kind of did ask my older son because he's kind of set the tone, I have to say, and I give him so much, so, so much props because I'm so proud of him and as being an older brother, he is just so wise and so nurturing and caring, and he cares deep. So, and we've gone through like so many things. I mean, because nobody gives you like a guidebook, you know, to reference to when you're parenting. And every child is different, they have different personalities, no matter if they have the same parents, they've been brought up the same with the same values, and you know, every each child is different in their own way. And um, well, one of the things that I had asked my son is like, you know, now how how has it been, you know, with me? Like, what do you think, you know, you appreciate about my parenting? Have I done a good job? Because he's pushing to be 30 next year, right? We've been through so much. And he said he likes he likes the way I see the whole concept. And and and I don't really jump into conclusions right away, like, you know, not quick to judge. And I try to remain impartial and that I have a good mix of tough love and a mix of good, you know, of understanding trying to be understanding and compassionate. And I do love hard too. So I feel like the tough love is very important because our children, I am the person that I would like to for them to look up to and learn from because nobody's perfect. And and I had to shared this with my boys, I'm all like, you know, Matthew McConaughey, I really look I really appreciate, you know, his talks and stuff. And he says, he said at one time, he's all we all step and sit. And that is so true because nobody's perfect. Everybody goes through stuff. And as a parent, oh my gosh, yeah, we've had our fair share. And you know, I I just knock on wood all the time that I don't have to pay for some of the things that I did when I was young in high school with uh my daughter. And you know, I yeah, I pray hard because it's uh yeah, I don't know how some of the things that you know occurred, you know, how oh my gosh, I can I can live to to speak about it, you know. It's crazy, crazy. So anyway, but that's for another time. Maybe once he's 30, I get to share those stories. But yeah, because I think Isaiah only knows my stories because you know, we're we're far beyond having any of those influences, you know. Right, yeah. I mean, life is just it's crazy, especially, you know, when you're parenting, it's not easy. It's not easy. And then my way is not the right way, all you know, for sure. I mean, everybody has their own their own techniques, their own ways of what works for them and their home. And even like Vivi is now, she's like, Oh, when can I get a nose ring? I want a nose ring. And I said, Ha ha, hold on, girl. And I have nothing bad or wrong. There's nothing wrong about nose rings, you know. I appreciate, you know, peace, you know, kids wanting to express themselves, but all in good timing, girl. You know, you're not gonna get no damn nose ring right now. So uh yeah, because you know, there's been that many of her friends and teammates, you know, do have them. And you know, they look nice, but not not yet, not now.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

What conversations do you think parents should start having before high school begins?

SPEAKER_02 16:37

What conversations? Okay, my biggest conversation, and I mean, I still tell my 20-year-old because you know, he's still, you know, with a young crowd and stuff, and and he's had a very difficult experience losing um losing a very, very close friend of his to an overdose last year in August, and so that really struck him. So to me, I I fear the fentanyl, and I and there's um there's this new um drug that not everybody knows, but it's like um it's called Kratom and it's like a stimulant. So it's uh it's kind of like a people use to give them energy and stuff or or to relieve it's an energy booster and a pain reliever at the same time. And apparently it's uh it's like a natural um supplement. But he he unfortunately lost his life over taking taking it. So I I just I I fear so much with our use, you know, the opioids and the drugs, and it can be anything from like I said, you know, this this new stimulant is it impacts them in such a way that they may think that it's not harmful or they may think that it's to help them fit in actuality. You just never know how your body's gonna react. And and yeah, that's the that's the pressure that I fear for all the youth and my kids and everyone because it's out there and it's very easily attainable. The most important conversation you can have with your kids is to be aware of what you take and have those conversations, have those hard conversations and they're very important because it's not just the alcohol, it's not just the vaping, it's the other hard stuff that can really take a life and impact them and or you know, those close to them forever. I mean, alcohol is big, don't get me wrong, because there's the drunk driving and all that stuff, and that happens so so frequently as well.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

How how is it that you're able to balance protecting your children while also giving them the independence they need to grow?

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Well, we we instill trust. We instill trust, so you have to really take account into like each of your child and how they are. Can they handle certain responsibilities? Can they handle being trusted on their own or amongst you know, the group of friends, or can they do you do you think for sure that they can say no or they they can call you at any given moment if they really feel like they're uncomfortable or they need a ride? And that's you know, I think that is very important because and again that goes with conversations. Everything has to be open conversations that you have to have with your kids. There's been many times where I've been called at like one, two in the morning to go pick up my son because um yeah, they they either were left abandoned or had no ride back or they just didn't feel comfortable. And um so yeah, I mean it's just uh having those open conversations, the importance of having responsibility and being responsible. And once they really get that, I mean, because obviously we all want our kids to be independent. We all want our kids to flourish and we all want our kids to entrust in themselves to be able to handle situations, you know, because that gives them confidence. You know, my son, he was in really terrible, horrible car accidents back to back. Um we hate to bring it up anymore, but it's a learning experience, and you know, so he himself had to gain his trust to in order for him to be comfortable again behind the wheel. And you know, those hard conversations and the encouragement too is important because they need to feel that, hey, you know, you are on their side and you are you understand that that you know doesn't define like you know who they are really or what you know one experience doesn't define you or one bad experience doesn't define you know the person. So you just have to have those open conversations and really impress that, you know, hey, they know their their expectations, accountability, responsibility. I mean everything goes hand in hand. I don't know how many times that like say we have those like words be spoken here, but yeah, like stay away from being, you know, have Having a victim mindset, you know, own up to your problems, own up to your mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Peer pressure looks so different today than it did years ago. I know you bring you mentioned, you know, having those conversations about alcohol and and the drugs and and whatnot. What concerns you the most when it comes to peer pressure?

SPEAKER_03 22:32

What concerns me the most?

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Knowing that my child did not have the ability or the courage to stand up for themselves because that's one of the things that, you know, especially my daughter. Um, I think I'm a little harder on her. I mean, I'm hard I was hard on the boys too, because I I just I've always been very open and direct with everyone each one of my kids and um they appreciate it now. And that's part of the tough love. But I feel like with my daughter, because of I mean, I was a teenager and I even though times have changed, uh again, we all step in shit. So it's like I just feel like I am harder on her because I want her to be able to stand on her own two feet and really like really have the courage to have her voice, you know, be heard. If something feels off or uncomfortable, or if she's not willing to take part in something, then she has a voice to be able to say, like, no, you know, I'm not gonna do that, or I don't feel that's right, or whatever, and walk away, or whatever. But I just want her voice to be heard, and I want her to be able to confidently, yeah, let it be known.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

You know, I remember way back in the day, I was in Iowa and I was working somewhere, and there was an elder elderly woman, and there was something that was going on, and I was being asked to do all of these different tasks. And then she looks over at me and she goes, you know, no is a complete sentence. And I'm like, I'm gonna hold that. I'm gonna stick with that. That's gonna stay with me forever. So it's no. If it's no, it's no. And that's ensuring that you're respecting yourself, that's ensuring that making sure that the other people are respectful of you and to have that to hold your own.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Amen. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

How do you teach your daughter to recognize healthy friendships versus unhealthy ones?

SPEAKER_02 25:05

This started actually she experienced something similar to this in elementary school where she kind of was put in a situation where other girls in her little classroom saying a pressured her into looking up something inappropriate on her Chromebook. They did not want to use theirs to look it up, they asked her to do it on her Chromebook. So she did something very inappropriate came up and she got scared and she closed it right away. So when I picked her up, I knew something was off. So that's another thing. You have to know like signs, you have to pick up on behavioral patterns that change, little trigger signs, you know, that happened. So I picked up my daughter and I noticed right away that something was off. And I asked her right there, right when I was in her classroom, and I said, What's when I'm I said, What happened to him? She said, I'll tell you, I'll tell you in the car. And I'm all like, okay. So we walked out of the classroom. I said, You're not gonna tell me in the car, you're gonna tell me right here because you know, I need to know.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

And so she told me, What happened? Um, I said, Okay, I guess who suggested that or you know, who asked you to do this? And you know, why did you feel like you needed to do what they were asking? She says, Well, well, I just didn't think anything of it, you know, I didn't think that it was gonna be like a bad thing, you know, or whatever. And and I'm just gonna tell you what it is. It's like she looked up 69, and so then to her little mind, and you know, she was all like, okay, well, it's it's just numbers, mommy, so I just put in the number, and I was just like so and and good thing is too, is that I got I've been really close with all the um after school teachers and before school teachers, and I've built relationships with them. And so right away, you know, I called them. You know, I called one of them. We were still on campus, so she was there on campus, thankfully. And I said, Viviana has something to tell you. And so then my daughter was really nervous. I go, You're gonna need to let her know exactly what happened because you don't want it to come back and it's gonna be on your phone book, and you're the one who's gonna get in trouble. And and so then she did, and she felt so much better, relieved and everything about what went on. And and the the director, she was just very like thankful and grateful that she actually came up and told them what had happened. And then we ended up posting, hey, you know, good friends, true friends, real friends, they don't put you up for you to fail, for you to feel uncomfortable, for you not to feel safe. So you need to like start thinking, like, okay, are these the same kids you're gonna want to continue being friends with, or are you gonna make a different, you know, decision, you know, on who you're gonna be hanging out with? Because that was not right, and that was very um that was very unfair for them to put you in a position like that and you know, want you to get in trouble. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

What a lesson.

SPEAKER_05 28:51

Yeah, and there's a lot more stories and I just that was the second one that continues with course.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

I mean, but this this also goes with like this day and age with the realm of technology, like and you kind of touched on it um ahead of time with the whole like social media and being it with the in-crowd and the apps and whatnot. What advice do you give your daughter when she feels left out or doesn't fit in?

SPEAKER_05 29:28

Um, people pleasing is not always existing.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

I just feel like I mean, right now she has most zero social media, and that's just how it's gonna be until we decide it's gonna be okay, which I don't even feel like it's gonna be okay until 'cause maybe in college. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 29:49

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

But because there's just so much that comes up with social media. I mean, I have social media, all my boys have social media, but they've certainly learned that sometimes they totally completely go off of it because they get so enticed by like other things like population. They get exposure from and yeah, people are always trying to put on an which is not real, which is not truthful, which is not it's it's very, very, very difficult. And it's okay to be different. You don't want to fall into the desperation of trying to attract attention, or you're always trying to seek acceptance, or because sometimes desperation like like repels. It's just like, you know, you're you're trying and you're trying others are trying and trying and trying to seek attention and just not that there's just like the there's nothing there's no more excitement to it anymore, you know?

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

And um so and that's where the confidence under the underlying factor is the confidence because if you're building up on the confidence and uh self-esteem and you have that good foundation. I don't think there's gonna be any issues. I think um it's okay, you know, to just have one good friend or rather than like 10 friends that are just really Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

Not not those real friends who are going to trick you into looking something up inappropriately or end up into trouble or yeah, putting you in those uncomfortable situations. And I know I you had briefly talked about how you've had conversations with other parents where they too feel like they're they're or they they feel like their kids are being left out because they're not abiding by the latest social media platform, or they're they're not on it, or they don't go with the trends or whatnot. I feel like you put it all together so beautifully with that whole building the confidence and building the trust and building that communication with your with your children for them to understand that that's not all real.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Mm-hmm. Exactly. Yeah, so it's funny that we're talking about this because my son, he's he's used that word twice. He's all performative. And I'm just like, Why are you talking like that? Why are you saying this word? And she said it twice pretty, right? And then he's all because mom, he's because he said, Mom, stop being performative. And I'm all like, What are you talking? I was in the kitchen. And I'm all like, calm down, I go, What are you doing that? You know what I mean? But it's true, it's like it's like that it has been such a norm for especially for the younger crowd, that you try to put up a front, put up, you know, just an act to simply um, you know, just to impress. It's like more for like the show and the not real, you know? Yeah, no genuine.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Yeah, it's a complete facade. And so this this week Olivia was at a science engineering camp at US. Um every day, like leading up to the leading up to the camp, I was just in contact with the person who was organizing it. And in one of the emails, he had said that they students could have their um phone books and devices, but it's not mandatory. And so for me, for us, I do not feel like district apparently across the board from your experience of putting up protections on the devices for me to feel safe that my kid is bringing it home. So for me, I see these devices as a resource, right? So the school library is a resource. The Chromebooks that they're they're assigned, they're resources. Right. Right. So if it's a resource, if I go into my kids' library, I I'm not gonna find anything inappropriate in the library of my kids at school. So then why do they have access to inappropriate things or not age appropriate things on these Chromebooks? That to me hurt me. So on the last day of school, I let her teacher and the principal know, like, he's gonna check this Chromebook back to you guys because I this Chromebook does not come home. It's gonna stay here. You guys can if we're gonna give it back to you guys. She can have it back in the classroom the first day of school, but it's not gonna be home. And so um she pointed it to him and he sees all the kids with the backpack the first day. And she's like, Mom, you said I don't need to take my backpack. Why does everyone have a backpack? I said, because it was optional for them to take a device. And guess what? Everyone had a device, all of the kids there had a device. So when they had downtime on during lunch on the bus ride, like they were all on their devices. And he didn't have a device. I mean, he has like these little manipulative, like these puzzles and these things that you can do. But he um he felt so left out. And so the next thing he called me says, Mom, can I take my iPad? There is an iPad, but he doesn't have access to it anymore because I've since learned the dangers of of that. And so she doesn't have access to it anymore. But she knows it's in the house, she just doesn't have access to it. So she's like, mom, can I take my iPad to camp because I get really bored during downtime and everyone's on their iPads or their phones or their computer or their Chromebooks. And I said, you know what? And I gave and he was begging me all night for it. And she's like, mom, I'm gonna do this, that, and the other. If you let me, you know, take it. I'm like, you could be doing all of those things anyway. So, you know, I'm I'm sorry, you know, and not a very good thing. So I kind of left on it. And the next thing I had a deck of cards, and I said, you have both cards, you have phone games, you have uh desktop games, you have headbands. Like, don't have to take those. Because usually I wouldn't let her take them because I would always get paranoid back, like you want to bring it back. But then I was like, you know what? It doesn't matter. Like let her take them, she can use them and invite a friend to play with her at the start of a conversation with someone new and just let it be. So I was like, and I have given her like another activity books and all kinds of other things that don't involve technology. And so she took those too. And then she came back and she was happy because she did get to use those to play with another person, like with a friend. I felt bad. Part of you does feel bad because it's like, oh, my kids feeling left out. But at the same time, like the reward of not giving in is so much greater.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, 100%. That's one thing that you know that we're it's a constant challenge because through the different again, through the different experiences, the different um levels in in throughout the school years and things like that that come up, you know, you'll start to like soon understand that, you know, that's those challenges. It's really hard. It's really hard to give in. But it's also like you said, it's so much more rewarding when you're able to go ahead and you know, hey, so was that too bad? No, okay. So I don't know how much I like this, or how I don't know how much, you know, I you know, I got to teach, you know, somebody else, you know, how to play, you know, a card game, or I got to teach them a new trick, or I got to, you know, and that's one of the things that my my uh or Isaiah had mentioned too, is that you know, I really appreciate your mom that you've always you've always instilled in us to love yourself wholeheartedly by accepting yourself and uh also carrying forward life lessons and not just holding them for yourself. And it is so important, and that's what I tell them all the time. I said, you know, you are loved so, so, so much, and it's so important that you value yourself, value who you are, and you love yourself wholeheartedly, and you accept yourself for who you are, and uh because in order for them to be able to genuinely love somebody else or you know, accept others and in their way, they need to first, you know, look within. And as far as carrying on life lessons, I mean, it's just so I mean, it's been a challenge for my my other son. He is, you know, he has his hopes of being a firefighter and landing a position. And I've told him, you know, anybody else that comes and and steps to the same pathways as you have, you know, be their mentors, you know, guide them along the way, teaching them the ropes of like what you've learned along the way. And so you can create, you know, just easier pathway for them to reach those goals. Because yeah, there's just been so many things that they've each had to learn their hard the hard way on their own their own with challenges and everything. But um at the end of the day, if anybody else that they've come across, they've learned that they've experienced something similar, they're able to go ahead and have those really good uh conversations and inspire others, and that is especially exactly.

SPEAKER_05 41:10

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

What family values do you hope your daughter carries with her into high school?

SPEAKER_02 41:23

You know, everybody makes mistakes, and the mistakes in life do not define you. The moment you acknowledge and you recognize your fault or take accountability, you've already prevailed and you succeeded. And it's okay, you don't need to know everything. You're you it's okay to have fun and and we life is supposed to be fun and happy and joyful, and you also have to be responsible, respectful, and accountable for whatever actions that you take.

SPEAKER_04 42:02

Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

That's very important. Hey I reflect on how your sons are because they're adults, right? I'm having this conversation with you because you've really gone through it with with with raising your your kids. But they are such a great human, they're just such great people, so well liked by everyone they come across. And yeah, so that's why it's like I I know you said that your parenting style is not perfect, but and and uh there's no perfect parenting style, it's just what works for your household, just like you said. But at the same time, it's like I see you and your adult children, and then I have a three, my three-year-old boy, and then my 18-month-old daughter and my nine-year-old, right? So it's like, okay, you talk about these boundaries and you talk about giving them confidence and and whatnot and building their independence, but I would also feel like that would have stemmed from when they were younger, no? Like, what is something you feel like you guys did when they were little to get them to the point where they are now?

SPEAKER_02 43:33

I think it's um really diving into their emotions of what they're feeling at the moment in time, really paying attention to their needs, really um allowing them to express themselves and as and then in turn have those conversations. Okay, so what do you think? And also putting it back on them for them to start thinking things through and And coming up with their own like understanding of why they reacted a certain way or why they actually had a meltdown, you know, like the the little triggers, you know, that happened, and not putting the blame on somebody else, like taking accountability. Again, that word is just constant here. But uh working together, like if they there's something that um they are not in agreement with, okay, let's pass it out. Like, what do you not agree with? And I think since they were young, is just and nipping things in the butt right away. Like, my my kids already know I shouldn't have to call your name out more than twice. That's it. You know, the third time, oh my god, there's definitely consequences, and that's what you and they still know that. And they still know that. My kids are like, Mom, why are you looking at me like that? And I'm all like, because they know my look, like, or they'll be like, Okay, what did I do wrong? Like, or what happened, or what do I and then I'll be looking at like, I can't believe you didn't like you know, take that up, or like why didn't you know, or certain just certain little things, minister things, but still like they and you know, it's an oversight. I mean, nobody's perfect. I but it's just one of those things that you want them to build awareness, you know, so that they can be responsible for their own actions and their own their own little environment. And yeah, and and they they they respect themselves and then they show respect onto others, and that's what they expect, also, is respect from others. But nowadays it's really difficult to instill that because nowadays it's really difficult to find that respect, you know. Yeah, I mean, and when they're growing up, it was just all about redirecting and converse conversating and tough love. I still tell them now that uh, you know, I'm gonna give you big papers if you don't do this or if you don't do that. Or then yeah, because it's like mom, you know, this or that or whatever. And then there's time and then there's times too where it's like they know that I won't go to sleep until I know that they're all okay or home and stuck, no matter what time it is. And and then they're all like mom, you don't have to stay up for us, and you don't have you can go back to sleep. And I'm like, No, I need to this is just me. It's okay, you know. It's just I just want to know. But yeah, even having those conversations because I'm able to have everybody on 360, it's not because I want to be my teacher or I wanna like know their whereabouts every single minute of the day. It's just for my peace of mind. They tell me, they're like, Oh mom, you know, by the way, I'm gonna be here and with so and so or whatever. And I'm all like, all right, and so just let me know if all I say is let me know if you need anything. And that's it. And we and they do, they're all like, no, we're good, or so so and so is a D D or I'm gonna be the D D or whatever, and yeah, but they're they're really good about um letting me know like what's up and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

It's great to see. And now with the middles in in building their independence with with the little ones, Gaia's getting into a phase where he's dressing himself. With with Bonina, I'm I'm at that stage. I think with all of them, I began with making them throw away their own diaper. Um Marty Pan, Baunina, she will take her diaper after I finish changing her and she'll give it to guys to throw away.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

Well, I'm laughing because I can probably see that babies would times receive taken advantage of her brother's good nature. And then uh yeah, so and then they'll fall for it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:27

Looking back, what did raising your boys teach you that you're playing with your daughter now?

SPEAKER_05 48:34

Patience.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

Well, I mean, I think with her it's even more patience, but it's really different type of patience because she is like a mini-me, and that's really hard because I'm very stubborn and I know that's one of my biggest flaws. And um my boys tell me sometimes all the time, and um because it's not that it's my way or the highway. I just um like if I just crazy dump things, you know, like if I just I want certain things done, it's like I need them done, like right, like holding the towels or whatever, and I just set it then. I'm just looking at the towels and it's like an eyesore or whatever, and it's like, oh my god, mom, you know, what we'll do right now, or you know, that's just an example. Yeah, but um yeah, because she's like a mini me, there's times where it's like oh she she tests things, and then I look at her and I can see myself and I'm like, oh my goodness, this is the kind of thing that I'm telling you and playing hard about. Yeah. Yeah, I mean the boys, they were they were always they were always um respectful and they, you know, we we were able to kind of like okay, you know, have really hard conversations openly. And um and yeah, we it was just different. And then with Lili's, I feel like I have to give her a little more time, you know, and space, which I don't, which I don't like because I just I just feel like I said, you gotta nip it in the butt when it happens. But I understand, and I'm I'm finding myself that I have to like okay, I have to respect that for her, that each child, each of your kids are different.

SPEAKER_03 50:25

Right.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

And then so you and you'll know you'll you'll you'll go to you'll grow with them to learn and know like their needs, as you said. And at that moment in time, like you know, and then babies will come out whenever she's ready and then have, you know, what's going on. I mean, nothing big has happened yet, thankfully, but I know it's going to happen eventually. So just I gotta prepare, you know, that she is she is neat, has different needs, and we have to respect the different boundaries that she is placing that works for her and her emotions, her coping emotions at that time. So we have to respect that.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

I feel like that will really also help her in her in long-term romantic relationships, like when she's I know you don't want to hear romantic relationships, yeah. But when she's married, like you know, when she's like when she's 30 and 30.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

I tell her, man, I said, ooh, I go, I don't even want to. I go, because if you think I was hard on the boys with their some some of their crazy relationships, I go, you better believe I I I'd go to jail for you. So I don't know. It would be crazy. No, nobody's gonna hurt my my mama. And then it's not just me, it's just gonna be all her brothers.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Well, that too. That too.

SPEAKER_02 52:07

So yeah. And so what I really took on with um from what you had said, and I'm gonna definitely pass it on to her and anyone, anyone else, is no is a complete sentence. That's amen for that. I mean, that's it. You don't have to pace anyone for attention or validation, you know, it's just that's it. No, if you don't feel it, you can those are your feelings.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Yep. What are some signs that a child may be struggling with peer pressure or unhealthy friendships?

SPEAKER_02 52:45

Some signs to look out for is again, it's it all starts from get really knowing your child, your your son, daughter, because if you see that their personality is changing, or they're more quiet, or they become more like isolated, or their their their sleeping patterns have changed, their eating habits have changed, they um they're not as involved, or they're not as eager to like be become part of your um your family activities, or those are all red flags, and you you gotta know like what's up. And I I think for me, I go the moment that I that I see my kids walk into into the house, I kind of already either have an idea of how their day went and then we just go from there. Because I already know them, and then or the way that they respond, you know, it's just you you pick up on all these cues because you've already know your child, and each one is different, so they all have different cues or different ways, yeah. And so then you you you pick up on things and you have to be well aware of those cues because there is some something definitely that triggered their emotional, you know, or behaviors and and they're not okay or they need to talk about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

You know, I in the episode that I recorded with Olivia, just reflecting on our childhood and the way mom was with us, all of us, like how in tune he was with each of us. And there were six of us, but we knew we could almost pinpoint what was going on with us and what our mom is.

SPEAKER_05 54:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 55:01

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And I mean, she already knew, like she she sensed it, felt it, knew it, like it was in her gut and in her she and it was clear. Yeah. And it's like I've been I remember, like I would be like, how did she fucking know?

unknown 55:22

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

This is before self-ended. Like we didn't have to, I mean, maybe some of us have secret pages or whatever. But you can get into that, like you're not into technology at all. And and getting to know us and how different we we are from each other, and the building that awareness around each and every one of us to to know or feel when something is off.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Yeah, and I think that's one of the things that I definitely using and have put into play here with the kids because it it's just yeah, it's a natural ability that one has as a mom. It's the intuition that plays a very critical role in our gut. Magma, like, okay, if my heart strings are not being pulled by my gut, the feelings that I have, then uh and if I have a calm like sense about things, then it's good. But once I'm my heart strings start getting pulled and then uh my gut starts blowing, I'm just like, okay, oh my gosh, I'm feeling like something's something's off. And sure enough, yeah. There's there's been times and moments in the past where it's like I have to like I all come across like very um inspiring video or motivating video, and then I'll just have to forward it to one of the boys or whatever, and then they'll be like, Oh my gosh, mom, I was having such a hard day, and how did you know to send me that video?

SPEAKER_00 57:34

Aww.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

And it's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:38

What's one habit every family can start this week to strengthen communication?

SPEAKER_02 57:47

We have a habit here, and it's interesting because we started off saying, you know, have a happy day or have a good day. And I love you. It's always I love you, have a happy day. And before they leave to school or you know, work or whatever, and then when they get back, you know, I hope your day went well. Um did you guys have a good day? And and then I find it that they're doing the same thing with us, you know, when we're coming from work in their home or they see us and oh, did you guys have a good day today? Or how was work? And you know, so you initiate the conversation that way and kind of like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:31

That is so cute. That is so cute. It's the questions to them because it's become the norm for them.

SPEAKER_02 58:39

Yeah, it's a definite norm.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

What encouragement would you give a mom whose child is nervous about starting high school?

SPEAKER_02 58:50

Just be in the moment with them, you know, enjoy enjoy it every every little um experience that that your child has. I mean, obviously it's gonna be your first experience having also with them and going through the motions of of the day day in, day out experiences through school. Stay connected, get involved any however you can with either it's hard joining like the PTA. Well, over here it's called the PTA, where it's because the meetings are during work hours and stuff. But I mean, if you can, you know, volunteer and kind that way you can get familiarized with their environment, get to know like their teachers and get to know their friends, the friend's parents. Really find, you know, get those connections going. And this way, you know, everything, you know, is a lot smoother and open. I mean, it's easier for me here because again, we're in a smaller community. So, you know, parents, we look out for our kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

I'm so glad that you brought it up about being connected with this with the schools events, because even if you can't attend a PTA meeting by you being a member of the PTA, you'll still receive information about what's going on. So you'll still have a network of what is going on or when they need volunteers. Like you'll then have that cycle of communication. And if there's like a if there's an app for your kids at school, making sure that you have downloaded the app and you are connected to the school to make sure that you're up to date with any of the news highlights or bulletin board bulletins that get sent out or whatnot electronically, because most of everything is electronic value. So make sure that uh connected. There's even a there's a school site council too that you can be a part of where you open attendance meetings and those things in terms of like the budgeting part, the financial component of the school too. They often talk about uh just different like behaviors or different uh things that they've seen uh come up in the school are really important too. And I mean as parents, we are given that responsibility to raise these humans. It's our it's our vocation to be a parent. So everything that has to do with them, we we need to know. We need to know.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:52

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:58

I'm gonna ask you some quick rapid fire questions. What's one word that describes your parenting style?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:11

And it's a quick my parenting style as a pass now.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:18

I'll let you pass. Biggest parenting parenting what?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:27

Win. That's a good one. Parenting win.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:41

It's a joyful moment. Yeah, always hold on to the joyful moments that your your children when they're happy, genuinely happy. That is a big parenting win for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:54

Well, I would also say the positive feedback that you received about your parenting from your almost 30-year-old son. I think that's a huge parenting.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:04

Definitely, it does. But it just makes me uh it's yeah. I I'm I'm happy that okay, you know what, I can tap myself in the back and be like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:15

Yeah, yeah, good job. What is a what's your biggest parenting fail that makes you laugh now?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:24

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:25

My parenting, well, it's funny because even I Isaiah would tell me every now and then, Well, mom, remember when you would say, when you would tell me like to try to just instill fear in me and say, Oh, I'm gonna tell your dad. And then we laugh about it now because it's like, oh my gosh, yeah. Because it's like, oh my god, I would be asking them, you know, hey, you know, let's do it this way, or hey, how about you try this or come on, let's, you know. And and then if that didn't work, I was just like, dude, you just like mmm being well I'm gonna tell you dad. And then he starts like, now we can laugh about it. It's fun.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:14

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:15

There's huge being measured here.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:21

Family dinner or family dinner?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:26

Family dinner.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:28

Oh my gosh, you guys throw down so hard. Like you guys and you like there I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:38

When my kids bellies and and like we will like we'd be talking, everybody would be like, you know what, I feel like I haven't had in one time this, and then somebody else would say, you know, I haven't had this in a long time. So there'd be like one night with everything would be on there.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

That's language, I swear. Like that is like yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:07

What's a piece of advice in one sentence for parents of teenagers?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:15

That's boundaries without apology.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

Oh, I love that. I love that. That is so good.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:28

There are times where it's like, you know, well, it is what it is. And I think that's why my boys say that I'm stubborn because hey, those are the boundaries, those are what we said. Nope. Mm-mm. It's like I'm not gonna apologize for something that I feel like is worked for our so work for us, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:47

What's something your kids still tease you about?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

Something my kids will tease me about?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:55

I'm well, that I'm stubborn.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:01

It's really difficult to maintain my emotional control signal.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:17

And because I and that's all that, you know, I because I am talking about all this about, you know, not you know, not having a victim mindset and not not putting you know, taking hold of, you know, your emotions and things like that. But as parents, oh my gosh, we go through so many roller coasters, emotional roller coasters, and um and we know they're coming, you know, we know those emotions are like creeping up and they're surfacing, and it's like, oh, I I need to like, okay, I need to decompress, I need to relax, I need to like, okay. Yeah. And sometimes it just they just come out, and you know, and you know, I I feel like parenting and cussing are you just can't you can't do parenting without cussing. You can't oh my gosh. I don't apologize for that. I don't because even my fur grandbabies will get it, so yes, yeah. We have an almost two-year-old, uh German Shepherd hound mix, and she is adorable, and we love her, and she's my oldest baby daughter, and so then she's my fur grandbaby, and she'll get pinche. Yeah, she'll get she'll get part of it too.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:49

Even the fur baby. What's one tradition your family loves?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:57

We love our football. We love football season, we're 49ers, red and gold. Um it's uh yeah, we love football season. We can't wait till it's coming up. But I mean, we're we're very sporty, we're sporty family, so even with the World Cup, we're we all make time to like talk about it, see it, watch it, go, you know, basketball, March Madness, women's basketball. My daughter loves basketball, so baseball, and we're we're a split household there. But um yeah, so we're very sporty family, so we love our football, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:39

Coffee, tea, or just let me nap.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:44

Just let me nap. You know, it's crazy because I I encourage naps. I do. I think they're so important and they're so vital. And my kids, all my kids have always been good nappers, and till this day, they all have to take their naps whenever they can. I mean, it's not a daily thing, but it's a ritual or anything. But yeah, we we all take naps. I mean, I I will even come home sometimes and I'm not ashamed to say it, you know, but I I will take naps.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:23

If your daughter hears only one piece of advice from you before graduation, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:31

Never lose sight of who you are and where you came from.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:36

Oh, that's beautiful. Fill in the blank. The greatest gift we can give our children is Love Hanukkah. Yes, amen. If your daughter listens to this episode ten years from now, what is one message you hope she'll always remember about who she is and how deeply she's loved?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:12

There's a purpose and a reason for having those difficult conversations and setting those boundaries again without apology. It's important also to never chase anyone for attention or validation in any in any place or in any relationship. It's okay to be different, you don't have to fall in the footsteps of others, you know, in the shadows of others, be your own person.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:44

We admire and appreciate um look up to all of you know all of who she is and uh appreciates everything that she stands for.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:02

And um she's really uh a very important piece of our family puzzle. And she completes our family struggle and we love her dearly. I'm hoping that she loves herself wholeheartedly by accepting herself completely and say no. Yeah, no is a complete sentence. You don't need to stop in it with excuses or nothing, there's no, yeah, there's just a simple no will do.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:41

I love it, I love it. It's always so great to have a conversation with you. It's it it really is. It's just so real. Like you're like it's just so real and it's so what is it like it's it's so honestly so I'm not that not that saying it in Spanish would make me remember what I'm but it's so relevant and people can connect so easily because it it is so it's just so relevant and and just being everything that you've gone through with with the kids, it's it's not yes, and it's so beautiful to see them growing up and being such beautiful humans.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:43

Yes, I'm I'm so proud. I'm so proud and each and every one of them and they're all different in their own special way, and we're all loved tremendously, and I'm just so so so proud.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:02

Well thank you so much. I appreciate you more than you could ever know because you've always been so supportive of every one of my crazy endeavors. It's like okay, what do we get to next?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:16

Okay, what you guys and constantly evolving.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:23

Well, yes, and that's life, and that's what you want in your children. You want them to find what actually motivates them and you know what moves them, what you know builds their, you know, onto who they they want to be. And yeah, it's encouraging.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:50

As I reflect on today's conversation, I'm reminded that parenting isn't about having all the right answers. It's about creating a relationship where our children feel safe enough to ask the questions. The world our kids are growing up in looks very different from the one we knew. Social media, constant comparison, peer pressure, and the pressure to fit in can make growing up feel overwhelming. But one thing hasn't changed. Our children still need parents who listen, who guide with love, and who remind them that their worth isn't determined by someone else's approval. As moms, we can't walk every hallway, sit in every classroom, or shield our children from every challenge. But we can build a foundation of trust at home so they know they always have a safe place to land. If this episode encouraged you, share it with another mom who's preparing for a new school year or navigating the teenage years. Sometimes the reminder that we're not alone is exactly what we need. Thank you for spending this time with me. If you enjoyed today's conversation, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, and share the podcast with someone you love. Until next time, remember this. Your presence matters more than your perfection. Keep showing up, keep listening, and keep loving your children exactly where they are. Those everyday moments are building a foundation they'll carry on with them for the rest of their lives. Take care, mom. I'll see you in the next episode.