Struggling With Forgiveness

Welcome back to Generations of Grace Podcast. Have you struggled with forgiveness? Maybe you don't realize that you have unforgiveness towards someone. Do you need to ask someone for forgiveness? Do you need to learn how to forgive yourself? Today, Sonya & Chole are going to explain what happens to yourself when you aren't forgiving someone. They will explain that when you forgive someone, it doesn't mean that you have to have reconciliation with them. Be led by the Holy Spirit in your next steps with that person. Learn how to not have offense build up in your life to create that unforgiveness. Maybe your anger, bitterness, resentment, or fear is coming from unforgiveness because of past trauma or hurt you have received from others over the years. We are here to tell you, you can and will be set free if you decide to do so through Jesus Christ! He does not want you in this bondage anymore, and we hope to hear your testimonies in receiving freedom from Him.

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Music by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome back to Generations of Grace podcast. We're very excited for today. We're going to be talking about forgiveness or unforgiveness. And it's just, I feel like this is a topic that can be very misconstrued or misinterpreted, or people try to justify it in their own way and make it seem why it's okay that they have unforgiveness towards someone. And in the whole entirety of this episode, remember anything that we talk about isn't to belittle it or say that your experience wasn't real or say that it was okay what someone did or anything, but just so that you can have healing and peace within any situation of forgiveness or unforgiveness. And Jesus has come to set the captives free. So let's learn how to get free in this episode and be able to use that in our lives. And then we can go out and teach others like the Lord showed me this. I'm able to do this, not because of my own strength, but because of the Lord within me has built me up in my own strength. And so just to kind of touch base with unforgiveness, this is something that every single person in their life has experienced or will experience. And not because always about something that someone has done directly to you. That's majority of it. But someone can even say something. Like for me, someone has hurt my husband before, and not in like physically or anything like that. But um I had unforgiveness towards certain people because of stuff that they've done or said to my husband. And it may not even bother him at all, but it bothered me. And I chose to take offense in that. And so I had to learn how to forgive that person. So that wasn't directly towards me, but someone that I loved.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

And so that's important to realize too that it doesn't have to be directly done to you for you to start growing that unforgiveness in your life.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yep. I agree. And I think a lot of times where I've realized that I have unforgiveness, because sometimes I didn't even know it.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Until like I got that way you talk about your husband when you girls were growing up. If somebody did something to my kids and it hurt my child, you know, it would irritate me. But I never realized how much unforgiveness was from that until you guys became adults and something was said about that person that did something to you, or I see them out. And I just instantly got just this ugh feeling. Like I would just cringe, like, oh, that person said just to my dad. Yeah. And I really realized then that it wasn't just, oh, they were just, I had unforgiveness about it. I had bitterness about it. And so I had to do some forgiving. So yes, sometimes it is stuff people directly do to us, but sometimes it's stuff people do to other people. And we don't even realize that we have unforgiveness towards them.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

That's right. And that's just such a normalized thing in this world of that's my family. The best way I know how to defend my family is to hate them as much as my family hates them. But that's that's not what Christ has called us to do. You're only trapping yourself in your own prison.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

And that's exactly what unforgiveness does is it is actual bondage that when you have unforgiveness in your heart, you don't only have that unforgiveness, that you have a jail, but it opens a door to several other things to come into your life that just starts building up more and more. But when you learn how to forgive, which we're going to teach later, um, all those other things begin to flee in the name of Jesus. And you don't have to have those things anymore. And the reason that I know that this is a prison for yourself, and it increases bondage in your life is because I remember praying for this one woman, and I won't share any details about what was going on with her, but I was praying with her, and as I was just praying in the spirit and people were interceding on her behalf, the Lord showed me a vision and it was her, and she was locked in a prison. And the Lord just said unforgiveness when he showed me that. So I asked her, Did you have unforgiveness? And she shared some details, and it was yes. And so the Lord was showing her and myself to tell her how to have forgiveness, and that whenever she spoke out loud, the people that she was forgiving and for what she was forgiving them for out loud, the Lord changed a vision and showed me keys. And the keys just automatically unlocked that prison door, opened the door, and she walked out.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

And then it started to slowly change even more that, like I said earlier, you're able to forgive and then share that forgiveness with others. She then grabbed the keys and she looked around and she was in a whole like prison. And there were several other people with unforgiveness in their lives. And she began to walk around and unlock the doors because she shared the testimony of her forgiveness. And it helped others start to forgive as well. So the Lord will give you keys to break you out of that jail that wasn't specifically for her. This is for everyone. That when you have those keys, he will unlock that prison door for you when you lay it at his feet and choose to forgive because he's forgiven you. Yes. And then you're able to use that as a testimony to share with others to for them to start forgiving others. So just remember that.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

I agree. And and that that's just an awesome story, and how it was like a domino effect of one person, you know, forgiving, and then then it helped other people. And and that's what we have to do. And I'm sure Chloe's going to cover more on it, but we don't realize what unforgiveness does to us. That's right. And it's not just about unforgiveness and what we think we're holding on to. It can turn you into a very, very bitter and angry person. Yes. And a lot of times when we have bitterness and anger and and all this, we don't even realize it's from unforgiveness, but that's where it's first started. That's right. And and we have to get rid of that because we just go around the world, especially if we have a lot of unforgiveness. I mean, it it just keeps building and building because people have hurt us repeatedly. And and and I think too, I hope I'm not jumping ahead of you, Chloe. But I I I think too, like with unforgiveness, sometimes we feel like we're entitled to it. Yep. And we feel like like, well, they hurt me. And yes, people do hurt us. And that's not our fault that they're hurting us. It's not our fault that they're doing it, but it is our fault if we choose to hang on to it.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

And we're not hurting anyone but ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Yeah. Going back to that vision, it's only you said the more unforgiveness you had, the more it builds up these terrible things, and you want to seek revenge on people, and that stirs more anger and strife and all this. But it's like the more unforgiveness you have, the higher maximum prison you're in. So you can start like a small little jail with just a little bit of unforgiveness. But the more you hold on to it and the more people that you don't forgive, the more it grows, and the stronger that security is, and the harder it is to break free. But it is possible in the name of Jesus, you just have to be willing to lay it down at his feet. And so, like I said, about you have to be willing to forgive others. Because we've all done something good or bad to someone else.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

And when someone does something bad to you, you have to take it in the eyes of the Lord. And so in Ephesians 4 32, it says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Imagine when he was there on the cross, he said, Lord, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. Do not know what they do. And so that's just flip it around and remember a time that you were mean to someone or you did something terrible to someone. We've all fallen short of the kingdom of God. The Lord our God chose to forgive you. Because of your very sin nature in the world, he was hung up on that cross, and that wasn't fair to him, but he chose to forgive you. And so remember that we must be willing to forgive others because he forgave us. And so that's just so important to remember that also on the flip side, we must forgive others to be forgiven ourselves. Yes. Because in Matthew 6 14 through 15, it says, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

And I hope everyone's paying attention to that because we all know that we're supposed to. I mean, people that know the Bible know you're supposed to forgive people.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

But have you ever really thought about the fact, I mean, Chloe, read that again.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

I'm sorry. No, you're good. You're good. We are in Matthew 6, 14. All right, so let's listen to it again. For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. Praise the Lord. But remember this too. If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

So this dawned on me here a couple years ago. You know, when we do wrong, if we're Christian, we're praying and we're asking the Lord, please forgive me of my sins or whatever that sin is, naming it, whatever. And I just assumed I was being forgiven of those.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

But right there, that says, if you do not forgive others, he will not forgive you. That's right. And so at that time that I'm talking about, not now, I had unforgiveness. So therefore, I hate to say prayers are void, but what I'm asking for, I'm not receiving because I'm not doing what my father asked of me. He told me to forgive others. And so when you really think about that, guys, I mean, it is so important to forgive, not just for your own peace, but because our heavenly father tells us to. And if we don't, we are not being forgiven of the things that we're doing.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

That's right. And there may be even things that you do to people that you don't even realize that you need to ask for forgiveness. And that's another reason it's so important to get in the word of God. And I seen this video the other day, and I go, that's how my mind has shifted. Uh, praise you, Lord, that other people are able to learn this because it was like a reenactment video, but they were saying, Lord, is this a sin? Lord, is this a sin? Lord, is this a sin? And they changed it to where God was asking them, instead of asking me if this is a sin over and over again, how about you ask, does this glorify the Lord? Does this glorify me? Are you like you scrolling for six hours? Is that glorify me? And so just try to change that mindset of because we aren't called to do works in the Lord, we're called to have that relationship with Him. And when you're just trying to stay away from sin rather than go you want to glorify the Lord, um, you're able to walk in that easier, not cause unforgiveness within others and yourself. You're able to just walk in the glory of God.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

And sometimes, I think you just said this, like we may not even realize we need to forgive someone. So there's those people that do something and we know, like we we are upset with them. But sometimes I know this happened in my life. There's someone that I love dearly, like I truly love them. Um and but everything that they did, I would just kind of get angry and I had this like everything. Yes, and I just was irritated with them all the time. And I didn't understand it because I really, really loved them.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Until they said to me one day, they said to me, I think you have unforgiveness towards me. And I'm like, What? No, I love you. Like, I love you. And I really did. But deep down they had hurt me and I did. And so every action that they did, everything that they did, it was just, it made me cra like I was just irritated. And I couldn't, but it's because I did have unforgiveness towards them. And I didn't even realize it at the time. So so sometimes it's very, oh yeah, I know I don't, I haven't forgiven them. They did this, but sometimes it's not quite that clear. You'll just feel a certain way towards someone, and everything, you know, everything that they do or say or whatever, you're just kind of like it's just annoying. And it's just, and you then you realize, you know, okay, maybe, maybe there is some unforgiveness there.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

So I feel like for or unforgiveness and offense go hand in hand. And I think you were just touching base with it a little bit, but you can love someone, or maybe you don't even love them. I don't know, but they can be doing the exact same thing to you, but it's your choice if you're gonna pick up that offense and allow that unforgiveness to take root. And their situation may never change, but how you change your mindset and renew your mind in Christ, it will change whether you pick up that offense or leave it and lay lay it at the feet of Jesus. Or so that's important too, just to remember how because your mind is the battleground, so it's important to remember just what am I gonna do with this situation? Am I gonna allow this unforgiveness to take root? Or just lay it at the feet of Jesus, you know? And how we were talking about that we must forgive others to be forgiven, you are held to the same standard that you hold others to. And so if we're sitting here and just saying, Well, I it's okay for me to not have forgiveness towards them because what they did to me was awful. It's not like I said at the beginning, it's not saying what they did was okay. But the standard that you're holding to someone, the Lord is gonna hold to you. And so just remember that. Are you gonna have mercy and grace upon someone because they're human and they fall short and they just don't know God? All they know, like it's so sad to me. Praise you, Lord, that I have a wonderful family that raised me well in a good Christian home and that actually like share their love, but there are broken homes out there, and there are homes that the parents could be gone for days, or they're in their own little world, or whatever it is. You guys can imagine how awful it can be out there. But we must choose to still forgive people because people just don't know who God is, and that's another reason we're being obedient on this podcast and sh trying to share with the world because people just need to know. And like you and I, mom, we didn't know a lot of the things that we know now. And there's still a whole thing, a bunch of stuff out there that we don't know. And so I don't think it's right to say, Oh, I'm gonna judge them and I'm not gonna forgive them if they don't know something. Kind of we touched based on our motherhood episode is you didn't know certain things to teach us as kids, so why would we sit here and have unforgiveness to you as our mom? Well, mommy should have not let us watch those shows. Well, mommy shouldn't have let us do this. That is not right of us because you didn't know. How are you supposed to teach us something that you didn't know? So don't judge others according to that.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

A lot of people that that do offend us or act in ways that are just downright mean and hateful, to be honest, like you just said, they've got their own torment and their own bondage going on. And so we just have to understand that whenever like I see things more in the spiritual world now. When people used to do things, I used to see it as what is wrong with them? Like, why are they choosing to? But now I see that a lot of people have have their own demons and have their own stuff that makes them act that way. And they've probably got a lot of unforgiveness that has taken taken root and grown to bitterness and anger, and they're just an angry person, and and they're just certain ways to people that now I see, Lord, I just need to pray for them instead of getting angry with them. I need to pray for them. That's you know, right.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

And it's you like you said, I used to be so mad at people and be like, why do they act like that? It's so stupid and dumb. Like I don't understand why they're doing that. But as you grow and become more mature in your Christianity, it's honestly really sad to me because they're only trapped in their own prison. And because of the hurts that they've had in their life, the only thing they know how to do now is create those defense walls.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yes, and make everyone else miserable. Because they're so miserable, they just feel like that's how other people have to be. And or how people just have to live their lives when we yes, we need to be praying for them instead of getting angry with them.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah, because it's it really is a terrible thing. And I know that oh, you'll probably have to help me with the names, but about the guy and the little the little girl around here.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

The guy and the little girl.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Rowan Ford. Oh, yes, yes. So him what he did was awful, and what he did was not okay, and there was consequences for that. That is good that it happened. But he didn't know anything better than what because terrible things happened to him as a child, and that's all that he knew. And it is not okay what he did, but he deserves the same Jesus Christ of forgiveness that we have, and and and that's something you bringing that up.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

That's uh anyone local probably knows about the story, but that's something that blew my mind when I knew I was growing in my Christianity. Because when that happened years ago, I remember whenever it happened, and I just thought, what kind of monster? And I never no, ever thought I would be able to truly think, like have any kind of pity on him. Let's put it that way.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Or grace upon him again.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yes, or grace.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Would never have thought.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

And I will say, when he got executed recently, and and I understand there's consequences for our actions. I'm not saying he didn't deserve consequences. What I'm saying is I truly had grace upon him. Yeah. And I truly prayed. And I'm sorry if anyone out there disagrees, but I seen that he he had so many demons himself that he didn't know how to get free from. Because, in my opinion, no normal person that doesn't have something does something like that. That's right. So he was in so much bondage. But there was a time, I mean, when that story first came out, I thought, hang him. No, yeah, hang him. I have no pity, I have no grace, I know I can't stand this. What is but but it came differently for me later. When I grew in my Christianity, I did see things a little differently, and I had some grace upon him. Yes. Not that I'm saying there is consequences for choices, but I did have grace. As a matter of fact, the day he got executed, I believe I shed some tears because and I didn't know him personally. But nope, it was just a very sad, I just thought, how sad is it that things start in people's childhood that leads them to where they are as adults, and then it goes on to other people, and this has got to stop somewhere. If just anger can get gone, if demons can get gone, if if unforgiveness can get gone, it can change things so much.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah, it's so terrible. And we talked about this a little bit yesterday, mom, too. But when certain things happen in your life, very traumatic, it medically changes changes in your body. And so after you're free from demons in your life that have entered through these traumatic experiences, you also have to have a medical thing to help along as well, except through the miracles of Jesus Christ, because he's 100% capable of doing that. And so, like he was just a human being that fell and didn't know anything else. But praise the Lord, I I did hear through people that were able to minister to him before he passed, he chose Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and asked for forgiveness. The Lord our God can forgive him, and he will forgive you too if you're willing to forgive others. Yes, just like Paul in the Bible. He was like a terrorist in the Bible, willing to kill I mean he killed Christians, called it killed Christians, and what this is how it's so manipulated and twisted. What he thought he was doing, he thought he was doing for the glory of God.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

And he just didn't know until he had that encounter with Jesus. Jesus wants to encounter you as well. So be willing to open up to him. And what you're doing may not actually be according to the will of the Lord. And what other people are doing to you is not okay and not according to the Lord, to the will of the Lord. But there is forgiveness in that because we're all people that screw up in our own ways, but the Lord is ready to forgive you when you're ready.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

And we have to forgive not only those people that offend us personally or offend our loved ones or hurt our loved ones, but even just like the story you were just talking about with the Rowan Ford story. We didn't know them personally. No, but I had unforgiveness toward the man that did this. Yes. And I had to, because we hear stories like that, and it's just it's very heartbreaking and it's very sad. But we have to forgive people like that. And I know that's probably not the popular opinion with some people, because they're like, well, how do you forgive someone that does something like that? Well, how does the Lord forgive us? Yeah. And, you know, murder, rape, molestation, stealing, gossiping, whatever, they're all sins. Right. And I don't wish anyone to go to hell. Even my very worst enemy, I do not wish to go to hell. So if someone does an awful thing, but they ask forgiveness, they deserve the same forgiveness that I get.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

And it's Jesus died for them just like he died for me. That's right. He knew that they were going to be here and they were going to be created, and he died for them. And I'm telling you, I did not used to feel this way. No, no, but my mind has changed because I'm not any better than anybody else. That's right. I have sinned also.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

And the Lord has forgiven me. And I know we as humans look at certain sins a lot differently. Like, well, but that's different than what? No, it's not. You are sinning repeatedly if you're gossiping every single day. And that is hurting people by gossiping about them.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

There's greater consequences for different sins, but it's still a sin. Yes. Every single sin or just being born and having that sinful nature within you before becoming born again, that nailed Jesus Christ to the cross.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

So every single one of those sins is no better than my sin or mom's sin or whoever. And you don't need to compare your sin. Sin is sin. So just lay it at the feet of Jesus because we've all fallen short of that.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

And when we don't forgive people, it usually doesn't hurt them. I mean, there may be a few close people that are like, please forgive me, or you know, because it's hurting me that you're so upset with me. But for the most part, a lot of people we don't forgive. They don't even know we haven't forgiven. All it's doing is hurting us and tearing us up inside.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

And whenever you are that person that's like, I need them to forgive me. Me, just know that you're falling more into the people-pleasing spirit rather than actually wanting forgiveness from them because your self-worth is in what people say rather than what Christ has said about you. And like you said, I didn't know that I had unforgiveness towards someone in my family in my life. But later on, as I began to grow and mature in Christianity, he revealed it to me. Like, do you realize you said this and this and this about them? And you had this ill heart towards them when all they were doing was speaking truth to you.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

And I was like, Oh, I don't want to tell that person. But Holy Spirit told me, go tell them that you forgive them. And they may laugh it off or brush it off, seem like it's no big deal to them, but it's going to bring healing that they don't even realize. So I went to this person and said, Hey, I forgive you. I had unforgiveness towards you, and I just felt led to tell you that in person because um it was revealed to me by Holy Spirit that all you were doing was speaking truth to me over the years, and I thought you were crazy, and I thought you were this and that, and I didn't want anything to do with you. But I realized because I had my own demons in my life, that that's why I was so pushed away from you, is because it was convicting me and bringing me to Jesus. So not that, not that I forgive them, but like that I asked them to forgive me. Sorry, I had that backwards. I asked them to forgive me because I had all these ill intentions towards them buried deep, deep down. And when I became born again and truly walking in the kingdom of God, I was like, oh, that wasn't right. Even though that was five years ago, it still wasn't right. So I need to bring in reconciliation.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

You brought up a good point because there will be times I want to clarify, there's times we can just forgive someone. We can pray, we can talk to, and we can we can let it go. But there is times the Lord will show us to go to the person and either ask them to forgive us or tell them that we forgive them, whichever one it it is. But yes, there are times that that um that it does need to be addressed that way, and that's why we have to have our prayer life and be, you know, close to the Lord to understand what he's telling us to do. But not always do you have to go to the prayer. I mean, sometimes you can't because they may have maybe you've got unforgiveness towards someone that's passed away.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Yeah. Or something. You can't go to them. You need to speak to the dead, so just lay at the feet of Jesus, and that forgiveness is still there. And as we talked about how we said we don't we never would have thought we could forgive some people that did the most awful things to another human being. Never imaginable. Well, it is possible because in Mark 4, where is it? Was it Mark 4? Yeah, sorry, it was Mark 4, 11 through 12. It says, and he said to them, To you it has been given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God, but to those who are outside, all things come in parables, so that seeing they may see and not perceive, hearing they may hear and not understand, lest they should turn and their sins be forgiven them. So I don't know if you guys are familiar with the scripture or not, but Jesus is explaining why he teaches in parables, and he's explaining to the disciples, if you are in my kingdom and you truly are walking with me, you're gonna understand the things that I tell you. You're gonna be able to see the things that I'm ta uh showing you, you're gonna be able to hear the things that I'm telling you. But if you are not a part of my kingdom, you're gonna be so confused and you're not going to understand what I'm telling you. There's no way that you can forgive so-and-so because of your fleshly mindset. But when you're born brand new into my kingdom, then you're gonna be able to do these things because it's nothing about your own strength, but me living with inside of you. And I've chosen to forgive you. And so I'll give you the strength to be able to forgive others because I'm here to tell you, you try to do it on your own, you cannot forgive them.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

But when you're able to walk into the glory of the kingdom of God, he gives you brand new eyes. I mean, think about a baby being born. It's when you're saved, it's called being born again. And so as you're born, you begin to see and hear, like as you grow in that, like that first like six months or to a year of like a baby, they have their checkup appointments and they start check uh testing their ears and their eyesight, it begins to grow and it gets stronger and they're able to see new things and hear new things. And that's just as you are as a Christian, is you don't see the world like you used to. You're able to forgive. Yeah. So that's really good stuff that I feel like it's just great. And if this is confusing to you, then let's go to prayer and ask the Lord, Lord, I I don't understand what these women are talking about. How can I forgive so and so? Because what that person did to me was awful. And there's no way that I can forgive them. Well, I'm here to tell you when you seek and knock and have a hunger and thirst for the Lord, pray this that your eyes will be open, that your ears are able to hear what the Lord has for you, and you'll be able to understand more clearly, and that any confusion must go away in Jesus' name, that your heart is able to be opened up to the things that Jesus has for you so you can bust out of that prison in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

And one thing I pray also when there's someone I'm frustrated with, or is that the Lord will let me see them the way he sees them.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

That's right. It's helped so much.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

I mean, we see people a certain way, but the Lord also sees them a certain way, and they are his children also. And that's that's what's hard for us to understand is we're like, but the Lord loves them too, the same way he loves me. He loves that murderer or that robber or that gossiper or whoever the same way that he loves me, just like he did love me whenever I was a gossiper. You know, he he loves us all the same. And so we need to pray that we can see them the way the Lord sees them, and we're not just always seeing the negative or the bad.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

That's right. And I'm not sure if I shared this scripture yet or not. Have I shared Colossians yet?

SPEAKER_00 27:39

I don't believe so.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Okay. Um so it's talking about how we are to forgive one another, just as Christ forgave us. So I'm gonna be in Colossians 3, 12 and 13. It says, Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a tender put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, and long-suffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, you also must do. And so you're just made brand new. You are a new human, new person that you are able to have mercy, kindness, humility, meekness and long suffering. You're able to have patience with one another, and you're able to forgive one of one another because of Christ making you brand new and giving you those new eyes and ears to hear and see. So it's wonderful. And I I think something that I've talked with some different people and then along with myself, we've touched a paste a little bit, is learning how to forgive yourself on certain things. Because if you aren't able to take it to the feet of the Lord, or even if you have asked forgiveness from God, but you're still holding on to things, then there's not true forgiveness within that. What that does is that causes more things in your prison cell. Like we talked about, you start to have shame because you realize what you're doing is wrong because you've been asking for forgiveness, but you still feel trapped. There's lots of anger, condemnation, and guilt. You want to take revenge on people because you have this unforgiveness and you start doing the what if plans like we talked about on the previous episode, um, how you can take revenge on people and what if all these terrible things happen? Well, I have to be prepared because I've been hurt in the past. I have to learn how to cope with that. But no, your coping mechanism is Jesus Christ. He'll set you completely free and not just put a band-aid over it. And so whenever you start to spiral in those types of things, the anger increases, the shame increases, you become good at lying, right? And you become good at convincing yourself of these lies. And you may not even think it's lying, but when you have unforgiveness, I feel like you try to twist the story to make yourself seem like the good guy. You try to twist things to make people have sympathy with you and manipulate others into taking your side, even though the Lord our God has told you to forgive them. And you're trying to get as many people on your side as possible to justify the unforgiveness in your life. Because it's no different than the enemy. Like he he can't get to God, even though he wants to destroy him, so he goes after the people that he loves, takes as many people with him as possible. And that I truly believe that's what we do with our unforgiveness. We build up our own kingdom to justify what we're doing is okay, but it's not.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Yep. And I think too, sometimes people hold on to unforgiveness. I think the hardest part for a lot of people to understand is people think if they forgive someone, they have to reconcile with that person. Yeah, they have to hang out with that person, they have to be around that person. And that is absolutely not the truth. Now, if the Lord tells you you need to, then yes, you need to.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Yeah, go do it.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

But there is a difference in forgiving someone and that person being toxic in your life, and you can't, you don't need to associate with them. There's a there's a difference in that. So you have to understand because you forgive someone does not mean you have to have them every single day in your life, and you have to hang and be like, I can't forgive them because I don't want to be around them. You can still forgive. Forgiveness is an interpersonal feeling, it's not a um or interpersonal choice, I guess, not necessarily a feeling, but it's a choice that we make. And to be quite honest, we're very selfish if we don't forgive. That's right. I don't know who we think we are that Jesus can forgive all these things and did all these things, but we're allowed to hold on to it. So, I mean, to be honest, we're selfish if we don't do it. I mean that rude, but it's true. I'm just gonna be blunt. We're very selfish. We're holding on to something that we think we deserve to hold on to, and we do not deserve it. No, you don't at all.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

We don't. I know this can be a really hard topic because most of unforgiveness comes from some sort of sexual trauma in someone's life, and that's awful. But don't you think that when they were beating him before they hung him up on that cross, that terrible things happened to him in that room where they mocked him and ripped his clothes off? Don't you think the same things? It says that he has experienced everything that we have and every sort of tempted situation and everything, but he has provided the way out. So just take a minute to ponder that. I had that had been brought to me before, and I was like, oh my goodness, it doesn't say that in there for sure, but like he has experienced everything, and so just remember that when you're trying to justify that and also it's a terrible thing. You're good, it's a terrible thing that has happened to anyone. If that is your case in unforgiveness, there's all kinds of, but that's what I hear the majority of like the Lord our God said on that cross to the very people that did those terrible things to him, Lord forgive them, for they do not know what they do because they don't. It's all it is is a spiritual warfare, and those people most of the well, I say most, I feel like all the time, but I can't say that for sure. That is that's so demonic and so twisted, and that's that's all that they know how to do. And so it's awful.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yep, it really is.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Did you have something else to say? Okay, you're good. And so just know too that they're like mom was talking about, it doesn't mean reconciliation with people because there are people in our lives that have very toxic mindsets, very toxic relationships, even if it is your family, it may not be good in your walk with Christ. And it is okay to have those boundaries, and it's okay to sometimes you people are only in your life for a season that that the God need the God that God needs them in your life for, and you can witness to them and speak truth to them and stuff. But it is okay to have those boundaries. We don't expect anyone that has uh had any sort of sexual trauma to go have a relationship with them because that's not very wise. Right. Like don't you don't have to go be best friends with them or even talk to them anymore. But you can change your heart and your mindset and have forgiveness towards them. And I think what's helped me and my walk with learning how to forgive people is mom touched based on it earlier. If I hear their name, what's my response?

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Am I going to have these terrible thoughts or just a nasty feeling in my spirit about them or anything like that? And that's different than discernment. That's not what we're touching base on here. And so don't try to justify, well, that's just my discernment rising against them. Okay, we'll take it to the Lord and ask him, Is this unforgiveness that I have towards this person? So that's just once I am able to hear their name, or if it's not to be a relationship cut off, if I can go talk to them without having those nasty feelings about them or whatever, if I'm able to love them in the way that Christ loves me, then I'm forgiving them. Yeah. And that's how you can just self-evaluate.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

And I don't think there's a one of us here that hasn't done something to somebody else at some point in our lives, whether intentional or unintentional, but that has hurt somebody in some way.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

And, you know, we would want someone to forgive us, especially if we were a changed person now.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

Make brand new.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Yes. And and if we couldn't get that forgiveness, you know, that's so we we we just need to think about that. Nobody is perfect. And yes, some people do worse things than others that we think. But but we have to, yeah, I don't know. And and I'll I'll tell you, I'll just tell you a little story. There was some unforgiveness I was holding on to for a very long time. And it's the same person that I didn't realize I had unforgiveness until they pointed out to me because I thought I loved this person, which I did love this person. I really did. But deep down there was some anger and bitterness towards them too, uh, due to unforgiveness until they pointed it out. And even then I tried to argue with them at first, saying, saying, No, I love you. I don't, I don't have this, but but my actions were showing different over everything that they did. And don't be like me, because it took a very long time and lots of stuff happening, and then something really bad happened and it broke me in two because I thought I could have lost this person. And when I thought that, it it's so crazy how forgiveness comes very easy when you think that person don't get to be a part of your life. If it's someone you love, because there's different, there's people you don't want to associate with, and there's people you do. In this case, it was someone I did have unforgiveness, but I loved them very much too. And um, but whenever something happened, it was all of a sudden, you know, like that forgiveness came easy then. Yeah. Why was it so easy then? So if there is someone in your life that you do love, but you do also have some anger, bitterness, whatever, unforgiveness towards, do it now. Yeah because you know, I mean, not that you can't forgive them if they were gone, but you're just wasting time. Yeah, you're just wasting time. Don't hold on to that.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

That's right. That's really good. And know too that people are people in a fallen world. People, some people are gonna choose not to follow Christ in their life. So people will continue to do bad things, even to you, over and over again, several different people, or it could be the same person that is sinning against you over and over and over again, or they intentionally love to stir strife in people's world. I think Maddie and I had touched base on her testimony episode how we used to try to put other people down because it made us feel better about ourselves or whatever. And that's what some people intentionally try to do. Praise the Lord, we've repented and we don't have that mindset anymore. But some people don't change in that way. They don't want to choose Jesus Christ as a Lord and Savior. So they just love feeding off of people's reactions to being to bullying them.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

And so the Lord our God told tells us to forgive over and over and over again, however many times it takes, because that's just who we are called to be as children of God. He forgives us over and over and over again. So that's right. And mom, I think there was a scripture on it in Matthew explaining whenever it was Jesus talking to his disciples about forgiveness.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yes, it's in Matthew 18, verse 21 through 22. It says, Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him as many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. So he's asking him, Do I forgive him as many as seven times? And and Jesus says, No, you forgive him seventy-seven times. So in other words, we we we do not stop forgiving after one time. If someone comes and slaps me across the face, I have to forgive them. And if they do the same same thing the next day, I gotta forgive them again and again and again and again and again.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Over and over again.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

And that's hard. It is because after so long, you're just like, I'm done. Yeah, but you can't be that way. But that's what our flesh wants to do is just say, just say, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Justify it. And I think what's helped me out so much is whenever we ask the Lord to see them through his eyes, yes, to love them through his eyes, because everyone was made in his image, even if they don't choose to walk in that image, we were all made by him. And it's just it's so great because when he really does change your eyes and your ears and your heart and your mindset, everything, you're able to see it differently and realize that's not that person, that's the spirit of darkness all around them. Not like everyone has a choice, so not controlling them, but influencing their decisions to make those terrible choices in life.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

And I'm glad God doesn't say to us, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Because he forgives us over and over because we have to ask. I mean, we we we fall short so much. And what if he said that to us? I'm done. Like you have a limit. I can forgive you five times and then then you're done. You know, no entry to heaven, no forgiveness, no anything. You read your max capacity and he doesn't do that to us, and so we don't do that to others. I I get it, and I know that it's frustrating. We're we're not sitting here saying we're perfect and we don't struggle with these very things because when someone repeatedly does things over and over, acts in a certain way, it is hard to be like, I have forgiven them so many times, and I've tried to be nice, I've tried to do everything I can do, but I just cannot make them happy. It's hard, but we have to continually forgive because I'm sure that's the way the Lord feels with us. And He doesn't put a limit on us, so we can't put and you just you just have so much more peace and are so much more free whenever you're not holding all of that unforgiveness and hate and hurt and and and don't fool yourself. You you know deep down if you've forgiven someone because I've I've had people tell me, Well, I don't have unforgiveness towards them, but I get very angry when they're around. It's not but no, yeah. If you get angry when they are even just around or their name is mentioned, do you have unforgiveness?

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Yeah, it's always that that when they say a butt, that's them justifying it. So I forgive them, but nope, stop right there. Yeah, self-evaluate. Do you have unforgiveness towards them? Because I believe so, and I can help you lead you to Christ to learn how to forgive them.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

Yep. So and I think unforgiveness, like I said, we'll go into this later, but I think unforgiveness is one of the number one things that holds you back from a lot of things with your walk with the Lord.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

I really do.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

I think that's where a lot of it starts.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Mm-hmm. Is no, I won't get into all that tonight. But um, yeah, it's really good to just self-evaluate, don't manipulate. Like mom said, really do a self check. Okay, do I have unforgiveness towards these people? Is there anyone on the flip side that I need to go to and ask for forgiveness where I have fallen short? Um, just be obedient to Holy Spirit and know that there is freedom in the name of Jesus Christ, whenever you lay that forgiveness at his feet. I'm trying to remember there was something that he was telling me earlier and I done forgot it. But it might come back.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Everybody think of somebody that you you think you may struggle with, or if you're not sure, if you're like, well, I believe I've forgiven them, but I just need to make sure, you know, pray, ask God. And sometimes it's not, I mean, we're not saying you just, okay, well, I've listened to this podcast, now I'm just gonna forgive this person. Like, it's just as simple as that. Sometimes it is that simple. Sometimes you're gonna have to have to ask the Lord, give you strength. Like, give me the strength to do this, do it on your own and that that I do forgive them, Lord, and and I see them the way that you see them, and and that I will continue to forgive them if they continue to hurt me.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

When you renew your mind in Christ, you're able to see people differently. And honestly, it's hard when it's the same person doing stuff over and over again, but it becomes a lot easier whenever you have your mind renewed in Christ to show him over and over, like to show you over and over again that hey, they're a person just like you're a person, and just be able to forgive them in that way. So, you got anything else?

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Not on this. Um, I think that the only thing I wanted to say is our next episode after this will actually be featured. I believe it's being released on Mother's Day week. I'm not going to say who it is at this moment, but we will be releasing it on our page a couple days um prior to our release date of the podcast, who our special speaker will be. But we have a very special speaker, and I'm super, super excited about it. And it will be an honor of Mother's Day. So um everyone has to listen in to see who it is and be checking our page because we will, I'm sure, post our picture and say who it is a couple days before. But we just appreciate everyone listening and and um I guess we'll close in prayer.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, we just come to you today and Father, we just praise you. We praise your holy name. Lord, we just thank you for your forgiveness, Father, and your grace and mercy that you give each and every one of us. We pray, Father, that you would be with each one of us. Open our eyes, Father. Show us if there's anyone in our lives, Lord, that we have not forgiven, Lord. Lord, show us how to just walk and and be guided by you, Father. And Lord, just give us the strength, Lord, to know that that, Lord, that things that we need to do, Lord, are not of us, but of you, Father. That you live in us, Father. And and Lord, if there's anyone out there, Lord, that you do not live in, Lord, that they would open their hearts, open their eyes and ears, Lord. I pray, Lord, that these podcasts will reach them, Father. Lord, that they would just reach out to someone, Lord, and they would accept you into their lives and that you would just be the leader and the guide of their lives, Father. Lord, I know, Father, that forgiveness is not always easy for people. But Lord, I pray that you will show them, show that person right now that's struggling with it, Lord, that it can all be released, Lord, that no more anger, no more bitterness, no more hurt, Father. Lord, we just love you so very much. We thank you for all that you do. We thank you for blessing us, Lord. We thank you for dying on that cross. And Lord, most of all, we thank you for your forgiveness, Father. Without it, Lord, we would be nothing. And Lord, we just love you in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

Amen. And one more thing before we close. I know this was a hard episode to hear in different aspects of your life, but we say these things because we love you. Yes. And Jesus Christ loves you, and He's ready to set you free from all these things. So know that we're not coming at you to try to make you feel awful about the choices you've made in your life or feel awful about the things that have happened to you in your life. But we love you guys, and we want you guys set free in the name of Jesus. Yes.