Episode 7: Are you a People Pleaser?

What do healthy relationships really look like?

In this episode, we explore the difference between genuine connection and relationships built on people-pleasing. Many of us learn early on to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and make others happy—even when it comes at the cost of our own voice, needs, and identity. Over time, that pattern can quietly damage our relationships, leaving us feeling drained, resentful, or unseen.

Throughout the conversation, we share pieces of our own story and experiences—moments where we struggled with people-pleasing, learned hard lessons about boundaries, and discovered what healthier relationships actually look like in real life. By telling our own stories, we hope to create space for listeners to reflect on their own relationships and recognize that growth often comes through honest conversations and lived experience.

We unpack how people-pleasing develops, why it feels so hard to break, and the subtle ways it can shape our friendships, marriages, families, and communities. More importantly, we talk about what healthy relationships actually look like—relationships built on honesty, mutual respect, emotional safety, and the freedom to be fully yourself.

You’ll also hear practical strategies for identifying unhealthy dynamics and navigating relationships that may require clearer boundaries. Boundaries aren’t walls that push people away—they are guardrails that protect connection and allow relationships to grow in a healthier direction.

Whether you struggle with saying no, feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness, or simply want to build deeper and healthier connections, this episode blends honest storytelling with practical insight to help you move toward relationships rooted in truth, respect, and growth.

Social Media links 

@designofmovement

Ashley:  instagram.com/howardashley87

Brandon: instagram.com/designofmovement

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Welcome to Unrehears with the Moor.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hey baby.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

It's been a minute.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

You was pretty today. You were. You were pretty today. I just want to tell everybody. Oh my god. And by Castland that I have a pretty wife. I think she's pretty, y'all. So okay, okay. Uh it has been a minute. We had some fun times, and it's good to get away, but now we're back at it and ready for our next topic. What's our topic? What are we doing today?

SPEAKER_02 0:38

We're actually going to be talking about um something you and I have been kind of discussing, um, which is people pleasing.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

People pleasing.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

What I mean. I think you and I have both dealt with this in our lives. Yeah. On a high level, um, because of our personalities, because of the people and how we are, how we've been raised. I think it's I don't think anybody has ever not been some sort on some level of a people pleaser. Um, but I think it it can definitely dominate in other people's lives.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I feel like we should say, like, if you see yourself in this, like, don't hesitate there, find a therapist and talk to somebody, you know what I mean? Because it could be other, it could be a sign of other things. So I mean, we would we want to make sure we are supporting y'all and just telling y'all to find the right resources. So what let me let me okay, let's just do it like this. What is the most prominent example of people pleasing that you have had in your life?

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Oh my gosh. So I feel like I've always been a people pleaser. I just didn't know what to call it. Um, especially early on. I d I didn't know what it was. Um now that I'm older, looking back, I can tell you one of the biggest moments I was a people pleaser in my life was in my first marriage. Um I got pregnant with my daughter out of wedlock, and the church that we were at basically, I mean, it was like this whole shunning process that I feel like I went through, and you almost were pressured to make that situation right, which I did, you know, I I married my ex-husband, and it was kind of one of those things where I knew it wasn't right, my parents didn't want me to really get married, but in order to make it right for my friends in the church, for my church family, for the pastors and everybody else at that time, that was a huge people-pleasing mistake. Why did you do that? Because that was that was what you did. You you made it, you made it right.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Because of other people's disappointment. Correct.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Other people's disappointment, other people's judgment. Um you almost feel that pressure of being a failure, of messing up. Um and so in order to kind of clear it, you have to you have to fix it all. You have to do whatever is gonna make the people happy.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

It's all crazy because it's almost like they have the scoreboard that you can't see. Yes. Like there's a You know it's there! Yeah. There's an invisible scoreboard, and they get to levy that scoreboard on you, yeah, regardless of their own scoreboards. Yes, like that that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Correct. What was what was one of your moments that you knew you were people pleasing? Oh my goodness. I feel like you have a lot. We've had a lot of conversations. You're a huge people pleaser. Um, yeah, I haven't. I actually had to tell you you gotta kind of dial that back when we first got together because I saw some of those signs once I kind of knew what that was in adulthood.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

I mean, the the first people pleasing really was with my father. Hmm. You know, I had me and my father have a great relationship now, but when he was, when I was younger, he made it very apparent when he was not happy and made the energy in the room suffer for it. So you almost had to kind of you almost had to to use that with him to avoid conflict. And then because my dad was very old school conflict meant, you know, probably getting knocked up the head a few times, you know what I mean? So that's just what it was. But the most impactful one was in my in my marriage. Um previous marriage.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

That was or was it in your marriage that made you people please? Were you just trying to keep her happy?

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Yeah. I mean, when you're in a marriage, especially somebody in multi-personality, you are trying to win, whatever that is. Win at stepfatherhood, win at being a husband, win at work, like you're just trying to win so desperately.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

And even though you're already married, you're trying to win.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

You're still trying to win. And what that looks like is all of the societal pressures. And I'll take it a step further. Popular black culture says you, as a black stepdad, need to win. Wow. In the movies, in the stories, and there's, I'm just gonna be real. Pookie and Ray Ray are the antagonists. So you have to be the protagonist, and you have to win. You have to be the straight and narrow guy who comes in and makes sense. And saves the day and be, and you're the rescuer.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

So being addicted to that, that's almost an addiction in itself. Because it's almost like self-aggrandizing. Like I'm here doing the thing because I can do this, but it that's couldn't be further from the truth. So I spent a ton of time in my marriage trying to win to prove something to myself, I think. I can do this. It's possible.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

To yourself or to others around you? Both. Both.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

You know, yeah, it's like self- it's it's it's it's a trip.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

I'm sorry, I was listening to you. What are you what are you here like? I forgot what my question was. Say what you're say say what you're I mean. I got caught up in your I got caught up in your explanation, and I forgot what my question was.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

No, I want you to say what you're here. So you're like.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I literally forgot what my question was because I started listening to you. You're gonna have to edit this out, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

It's fine. So society gives you this idea that you have to do X, Y, Z. And I d I don't think that was the reason that I got married, but I definitely think that was part of the reason that I stayed married. I had built a home, I had done all the things, and I'm like, I am gonna make this happen. And the other reason is my dad had got a divorce. So it was like I almost had to prove to him that I wasn't gonna do the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

That you weren't gonna get a divorce. So you were kind of trying everything under the sun.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yep, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

Absolutely to make this work. If it meant buying the move, you were gonna do it.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

I was gonna do it. I was gonna try to be, I was gonna make this work. And and here's the thing when you people please, it is very apparent and accessible to people, especially people who know how to get results they want, people who are prone to manipulation. Manipulative, that's exactly what I was about to say. When when manipulators see people pleasers, it is like the lottery.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Yeah. It is it's a pool. It is literally like a magnetic pool when people find out that they can use that because, you know, of childhood trauma of you just wanting to avoid the conflict and just kind of want to sweep it under the rug, or wanting to just get along, or wanting to be liked. There's a number of reasons people please. And people that are manipulators literally gravitate to people like that because they know they can just use and abuse the situation.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

I will I will I will never forget when, and this was actually what brought me to Tennessee, when my ex-wife, I don't think she knew, I knew at the time, but she had talked to one of her friends, and they were buying their first house. And up until then, I think we'd kind of talked about buying a house, but we were like, ah, it's not a big deal, you know, we're kind of getting there step by step. And she talked to her friend, and the talk we had after that, it was like you'd think I had committed capital murder. Like the fact that I didn't have this house already was something that was akin to a crime. And I remember being in this conversation, like, what am I supposed to do about this? We just got married, we're just getting on our feet, like Yeah. And I remember sitting here and I'm like, I don't know how to deal with this. Because there's almost no, there's almost no option. If I say no, I'm gonna have a rough relationship probably for months and years. If I say yes, then maybe that's the only way to get out of this. And that is literally what brought me here to Tennessee was to say, well, let's try it. You know what I mean? But I didn't I didn't necessarily think that that was the way to move at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Well, hey, I'm glad you moved that way. All things worked out for you. Hallelujah. Um but yes, you were definitely, I can see how you got caught up in people pleasing at that time. Yeah. But um, you know, you said yes to the move. You said you also said yes to moving in with her parents.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Oh my goodness. And that what you know what was crazy about that was that is when I saw, and I again, my ex-wife's parents, beautiful people, you know, and I love them. But that is when I saw the dynamic in fluid time because manipulators, people that use people pleasers have no respect of age, family status. They don't respect that. If you're a manipulator, everybody's role is to serve you. Yeah. So I saw my dear, you know, ex-mother-in-law bend over backwards for my ex-wife. And I could not believe because in my family, that was like, what are you talking about? Like you serve your parents. And to see that, it was almost like, I think I get it now. Like that was when the light bulb, you know, in and in in marriage, you don't really want to say, okay, this isn't gonna work, but I kind of got that thing. I'm like, oh no. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, how can I sustain a dynamic where mom can't even do the right thing sometimes? Wow.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

I noticed I was a huge people pleaser. The older I got, and all of my relationships were me bending over backwards and me giving 110% of myself constantly.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

What did that look like for you?

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Oh my gosh, everything financially, time-wise, like I was literally giving everything I had all the time. And I was not getting that in return. But of course, you don't really see it until you get out of it.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

I didn't, I didn't, I didn't see it. I just thought I was being a good daughter. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, respecting my elders, helping them when you help your family when they need help. You help, and I that always was a play that was used is, you know, when your family calls and you can do it, you help them and you go to them, and I would be at wit's end sometimes. Doing all that I can do all the time.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

That you and and was was the result that you never really it didn't matter. It was never enough.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

It was never enough. Yeah. It was never enough, but I didn't realize it until your tank is literally on E. And no one is there for you. No one is there to fill your cup, no one is checking on how you are, no one is there to loan you or or help you when you're the one in need. And I feel like during this transition season of me meeting you is when my eyes kindly finally open because you came into my life taking care of me. And for the first time, I was like, man, this is different. You know, I don't have to give my all every single minute and go over and like this man is pouring into me, I'm pouring into him. Like, I'm not on E.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

And I was like, this is how relationships are supposed to be. And I started to examine the rest of my relationships, and I noticed the more I became in need, the more I became the person who needed you to show up for me, the more people start falling by the wayside.

unknown 15:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Wow. The more m difficult my relationships got because it was no longer about me.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

People pleasing.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

People pleasing you. It was no longer about me being there for you. I have left events to spend time with people because I said I was coming, because I said I was gonna show up. I have come back early from trips because I said I was gonna do something for someone. I have, I mean, you you're talking about like I would do anything because my work has always been my bond.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

And I am a big person. I have a huge heart. And so I am big on friendships and trying to maintain healthy adult friendships. It's not easy to make friendships and really have great adult friendships when you're in your 30s and 40s. And so I was extremely protective over my friendships. But I started to notice I'm the one showing up, I'm the one giving, I'm the one giving gifts, I'm the one, you know, doing all the things.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Can I ask you a question? You you you talked about reaching an empty cup. I feel like for every people pleaser, there's a moment, and it's usually a very pronounced moment. I know my moment. I'm just curious, what was your moment where you reached because when you when you when you realize you're empty is usually when there's your body or your mind has some type of trauma reaction. Like what was that for you? Can you think of anything like that?

SPEAKER_02 17:27

Yeah, the moment the the the moment we got engaged, it all flipped. It actually probably before that. I think the moment we moved in our house, it really all flipped. I think it increased the moment we got engaged. Because then it was I think the realization came that I actually had to weed out the people who were not gonna be there for me and count on the people who I have been there for and see how that works and see if they actually can show up for me without me doing anything.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

That's right, without you offering something to them, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

So, yeah, that was that was the point for me, and it all flipped. You want to know, have big life events, yeah, yeah, change change your dynamic. Have have big life-changing events, have a kid, get married, do something, buy a house, have big life-changing events, and and and and at a moment where it's literally about you, and you don't have time to be there for everybody else and show up in all the ways that you always have, because at the at this particular moment, you need it to be about you and your family, or or whatever that case may be, and whatever that may look like, you and your fiance, you and your husband, but it's solely focused on your your inner circle.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

That is when you will find out how much of a people pleaser that you actually were, that you probably didn't even know you were, because everybody that you have been showing up for, you'll see if they show up for you.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Well, I know my mind, I feel like. Um, I'm I'm I'm pretty certain what it was. So so this was right when I actually started my divorce process. And I I I don't have a lot of memories from around that time because I kind of you kind of compartment in a lot.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

No, I don't because you know what you erased it from your memory.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Yeah, I did just a men in black moment taking it away. But I mean, like, so so I I'm I'm sitting in bed with my ex-wife, and we are talking about, oh my goodness. Okay, please. You're just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

You're I am so just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

We're in the bed. And we are talking about what we can what can be done to fix our marriage. Yeah. And you know, part of being people pleasing is you don't really take, you don't set any boundaries. Oh no. Your boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

What are boundaries when you're people pleasing?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

You have none. So I remember in this moment, I mean, she's basically going through the list of things. I mean, you know, she had valid points. I don't want to act like she was talking blasphemy, but she asked me, and I think really for one of the first times in our marriage, I gave her a few things that she needed to work on. And I mean, I would kind of say that, but I really brought it up and kind of brought those issues home. And I and she was like, and she got started to get upset, typical response from her. And I said, I think it would be foolish for us to say that you don't have things to work on in this relationship. And the response she gave me was, I don't want a divorce. And I can remember, it was the first time the D word had been used, and I had a breakdown. I mean, I just ran out of the room. I was I was loud, I was yelling, there was tears coming out of my eyes because I couldn't believe that when I put up that boundary.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

And all you said was there were some things that you need to work on. And she said I was in response to her telling you you needed to work on things. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Absolutely. Wow. So I went and started packing. I I go to the bonus room, I'm putting stuff. I'm like, I can't be with somebody. I thought I can't be with somebody who doesn't really love me. Because if you really loved me, you would be able to accept what's important. And we're yelling, there's a big fight happening, and it's you know, and I I my previous stepson is is watching this craziness take place, and I am just beside myself. And all of a sudden, we talk about the cup reaching empty. I'm sitting at my work desk. I have a beautiful house, I'm doing all the things, and I have a panic attack.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

My I'm I'm all of a sudden I cannot breathe. I am dizzy, I am looking up at the ceiling, everything is I feel like there's vertigo, and it wasn't like I was just you know sick or anything. It was that my mind very say it like this my spirit had emptied. I had nothing left, I had nothing else to give, and I felt the mental penalty for people pleasing. And let me tell you, if you are listening to this right now and you have ever, and you know what I'm talking about, I I I pray for you, we will pray for you after this podcast. I would not wish the feeling that I encountered in that panic attack on my worst enemy. But that is the price we pay for running low on our running low on our happiness to make somebody else happy in this situation. That was tough. So what can we like how do people get out of people pleasing? Like, how do people deal with this? Jesus. Yeah, Jesus Literally, Jesus, Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

Oh man. Jesus. Because I'm telling you, my biggest, my biggest people pleasing um was definitely with my mom. And you know, that relationship sadly has taken not a not a good turn.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Um did it take a good did it take that turn because you set boundaries? Yes. Yeah. It's such a hard part of it because it is such a hard part of it.

SPEAKER_02 24:40

I feel like as a child, and and and no matter how old you are, you're your parents' kids. And you want to make them happy. You want that validation, you want that you're a good daughter. Um, you know, you want those proud moments, and sometimes that comes with trying to do everything under the sun that you can. And I did that. You know, I was I am the oldest. Um, my brother's younger than me. And I have always done everything. I mean, my phone rung, I'm there. And I thought that's what meant being a good daughter looked like. Was doing everything that your parents asked you to do. If they needed you for something, then you did it. If they needed you financially, then you did it. If they needed you to come, you know, turn the house upside down, clean it, and put it back together, that's what you did.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

You know, and so for a number of years, if they need you to not say something and and have a secret, that's what you do. Well, you know, and for so long, I went through those periods of times being almost brainwashed because I wanted to make my parents proud. But I feel like back to what you said, when you are dealing with a manipulative spirit, there is nothing you can do to ever get there. Case in point, I remember um a family member of mine had, you know, got married, got a house, and all these are great, amazing things. And she's bragging, and we're all happy, right? You know, we I am a happy person, baby. I'm going to cheer you on to and toes down. Like I I that is just my spirit, that's how I am. And you know, my mom's like, oh, you know, this is so great, and da-da-da-da-da-da. And you know, uh her mom's decorating and doing all this stuff, and yada yada yada, and I'm like, oh, that's great, you know, whatever. And you know, a few months after that, you know, we had gotten into our house. And I remember going, you know, you can help me decorate, you can help me do these things, you can help me. And it was like silent. And it's like either it you can never do enough, you can do the same thing, yeah. It will never be enough with some people, and I didn't see how bad it was until I set a boundary and I quit doing all the things.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Yeah, I mean, look, I'm your husband.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

The time was cut off, you know. Obviously, we were together, so my time is not the same. Yeah, you don't get all of my time. That's right. I'm married, so I have to check with my husband about our finances if you're in need of anything. All of that changed, and boundaries went up and guidelines were in place, and so then you start to see the trajectory change, you start to see the roles change, and then people start to slide away and back off, and you're the problem, and all the things start happening because you're no longer people pleasing.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

You're no longer available for me. Yeah. You know, and I look, as your husband, there are certain things that I have to be hyper aware of. Number one is your family dynamic.

unknown 29:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

You know, you don't just marry your partner, you're marrying into a family. And what was very apparent to me was that you had to work those issues out. And I could not I could sit here, we could talk through it, we could, you know, I could give you advice, but really it had to be you to decide to set a boundary.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

And that was so I mean, it's still hard for me because your happiness is my number one concern.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

And I know you are a family person. I know you love.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Yeah. I mean, and and let's be real, and it was extremely hard for me because I remember times when you would be like, we would be asked for certain things, and you would be like, Well, what do you want to do? Even though we had already talked about, you know, saying no, because this is our season, and we have third certain things to do for ourselves and things like that. And so we had already talked about it, but you would kind of like let me make the decision. You'd be like, Well, well, honey, what do you want to do? Um, and so you really did kind of let me stand on my own two feet, and I appreciate that because it definitely made me grow and kind of be able to make those big girl decisions to kind of stand up for myself, yeah, you know, and begin to learn to put boundaries up and what that actually means.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

I think that one of the reasons why we have, I can I can say this for myself and and as a divorced person, one of the things that I worked on before I had even met you when I was in my own therapy was what do my boundaries look like? Right. And, you know, let me tell you something. Like when it comes to setting boundaries, I have taken, I have taken the SAT of setting boundaries. I got I got a 19-year-old in here, I got a 13-year-old in here, I got a wife in here. I'm about, you know, we have spent a ton of time. You have no boundaries. Yeah. So setting boundaries in this environment is one of the most complex things to do, but I do it. I make sure I do it. You do. Because I I cannot pour from an empty cup.

unknown 31:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

And I make sure my cup is full. Even though sometimes when people don't want me to do that, yeah. I make sure to say, hey, these this is what's important to me. And to your point, that is how you deal with, it's part of how you deal with people pleasing. Setting correct boundaries means identifying what is important to you. Straight up example. When I have a bad day, sometimes I might need to go to the gym. Now, typically, when y'all get home, it's family time. And I might walk up out of here and be like, you know what, I need to go lose some weights. And that's okay. That is okay. Whatever needs to happen in order to facilitate a positive outcome for us to bring our best selves is important. And what's what's hard about that is in relationships, you always have to take initiative to do that. Yeah. We talk about this cliche notion, and that's for another podcast. Protect your peace. You're not really protecting something. You can't, you can't really lose your peace. You're only you're giving away your peace if you choose to do so. Yeah. So I choose to put my peace on a pedestal, but and then use that and turn right around and share that with the kids, with you, you know, and that's that's the number one way to get out of people pleasing is to identify what is important to you and guard it. And if you are having a relationship with the Lord, that that focusing on pleasing God. Let me tell you something. Focus on pleasing God. Pleasing God, there is no stronger shield to manipulation than focusing on pleasing God. You can you can put yourself on a pedestal, people can manipulate that. Yeah, you can put your possessions on a pedestal, people can people can jerk and jerk you at your stuff. But God cannot be manipulated. God's presence, God's peace, God's sanctity, God's perfection cannot be manipulated. And if he is at the center of your relationships, whether that's friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, all things come down to zero. So I don't know. I feel like I feel like that's that's my that's my vote for how you deal with people pleasing, is getting God in your life and identifying what is important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

Um, I had to learn A how to say no. You taught me that. I mean, literally, I you know, you can ask my friends, I will be so busy, and I'm still like, girl, let me know if you need help. No, let me know. I ain't got an hour to spare. But if they call, I'm gone. Because I said, let me know.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

But at the very same time, I had to learn to say no. Because again, I was literally emptying my cup constantly. So learning to say no was my first thing. And secondly, I would probably say learning to be okay with people not loving me, not liking me, leaving me, not being in my life. I had to learn that once you say no, there will be there will be consequences. There are repercussions. There are repercussions to you saying no. Wow. Um, so I had to learn to be okay with that. And I like it. I like it here. And I'm gonna tell you why I like it here. Because it gives you the real of the real. Yeah. Because the people in your life that you can say no to, or girl, I just can't, I don't feel like it. I I ain't doing it. I don't care what the reason is. If you can't say no to people in your life, then you have the wrong folks around you. Boy. That's a word. That's a word. And probably my third is stopped over-explaining myself because people are not going to be.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Oh my yes. Yes. Letting your no, and to her credit, she used to say, let your no beer know your yes, be your yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

I had to learn how to stop explaining myself, over-explaining myself of why. Because even then, when I started to finally inch into saying no, I would feel like I had to give this abundant reason of why I couldn't, or how I didn't feel well, and I just didn't feel like it's a day. And you know, you don't have to have a reason. You don't have to have this huge explanation, you don't have to have a reason why you're setting this boundary. It's no. It's I can't, it's I won't. And that is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

That's that is like the drug of people pleasing. And and here's why I call it a drug. You're being sold a manipulator's promise of greater intimacy. But you're really not getting intimacy, you're just getting the same person over and over again. Yeah, but they're so good at making it seem like this is going to lead to intimacy that you then have to explain why you will reject their offer of this great intimacy. Yeah. Which is insane, frankly. You know what I mean? That that is insane. But that is that is what we deal with in people please. It's crazy. Wow. This was a heavy episode.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

It was. It was a lot to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

This was good. This was good. I'm glad we talked about it. And again, if any of y'all are like dealing with these things, like I we in the Moore household, we do therapy in this house. It was one of the things that was very important to us when we got married. We put ourselves in therapy, we put kids in therapy, we put grandparents in therapy. We would put pets in therapy if we could. So highly recommended that, you know, if therapy is a good thing. You got you got something you want to add there?

SPEAKER_02 38:40

Um, I was just gonna just close us on out here. Yeah. Um, I was just reading this quote the other day, and it was saying, Are you living to please people, or are you living the life that God actually called you to live? And you know, life is life. Life is is is it's already has its trials and ups and downs. And you know, sometimes it can be exhausting when you are trying to literally be everything to everyone around you. Wow. You know, and so you really have to be everything that you can be for yourself. For yourself, yeah. For yourself and please God in the process. That's the person we should be pleasing.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

And here's the thing What you will find is when you please God, you find yourself in that. He sure do. He doesn't just take, he's not a manipulator. He doesn't just take your offering of your devotion and throw it in the trash. He gives you identity, he gives you love, he gives you good relationships, lasting friendships, uh, great, great outlook, great future. Yeah. Jeremiah 29, 11 is not a joke, right? He knows the plans he has for you. As we end, as we as we drop this thing out, you know, if you if you see yourself in these stories, please, please, please reach out to your mental health professional, counselor, whatever, whatever have you.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Because we love therapy in this house.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Yes. We are big if we had, yeah, therapy is our thing. So again, we're just thankful for y'all and thankful for being able to lend our voices. And hopefully you saw some of yourself in these stories, you know, and we would pray for you as well.

SPEAKER_02 40:39

Learn to say no. Learn to say no.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Learn to know. We love y'all. All right, we'll see you next time. Peace. Peace.