Episode 11 - “Blending Families: Healing, Trust, and Starting Again w/ Kevin and Christy McCullah"

“Blending Families: Healing, Trust, and Starting Again w/ Kevin and Christy McCullah"

What happens when life doesn’t go the way you planned… but somehow turns into something better than you imagined?

In this deeply personal and faith-filled episode, we sit down with Kevin and Christy to unpack the real, unfiltered journey of building a blended family after heartbreak. This isn’t just a story about love—it’s about healing, trust, surrender, and the quiet ways God restores what once felt completely lost.

From single parenthood and emotional scars to unexpected connection and divine timing, their story reveals what it really takes to open your heart again—especially when fear, past trauma, and responsibility are all in the room.

You’ll hear:

• What it feels like to step back into love after being hurt deeply
• The reality of blending families—five kids, different histories, one home
• How trust is rebuilt when it’s been broken before
• Why communication (even when it’s hard) is everything
• The importance of not rushing healing before starting something new
• How small, meaningful moments—like a hidden message on a coffee cup—can carry life-changing significance

This episode doesn’t shy away from the hard parts:

• Kids navigating confusion, expectations, and emotional weight
• Learning new parenting dynamics while honoring the past
• Facing triggers, grief, and moments you thought you had already healed from

But through it all, one theme stands above the rest:

👉 God’s redemption doesn’t erase your story—it rewrites it.

Whether you’re:

• Walking through divorce
• In a blended family
• Afraid to love again
• Or just trying to make sense of your current season

This conversation is a reminder that you are not alone—and that even in the mess, something meaningful is being built.

Because sometimes the greatest love stories don’t start with perfection…

they start with surrender.

Social Media links 

@designofmovement

Ashley:  instagram.com/howardashley87

Brandon: instagram.com/designofmovement

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to Hunter Hearst with Moore. What's going on, girl? We had Olive Garden tonight. I was happy. No, we had Olive Garden. Okay, I'm sorry, y'all. Anyway, we are so happy because we have uh little friends from the colors with us this evening. It's just been such an awesome night of fellowship, and we are just so happy to have our first guest on this show. Thank y'all so so much. Thank you for having us. It's a pleasure to be here. Listen, um this episode is about what I think is one of the most important things about God's redemption power. We love, love to hear you know y'all's story. I mean, um baby.

SPEAKER_06 1:00

Yeah. I mean, today, like you said, we're talking about God's redemption power. We're talking about blended families, we're talking about healing, we're talking about putting your heart back out there, the journey, what it takes to open up again.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Umistics behind it.

SPEAKER_06 1:17

All of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Blended logistics. I like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:22

Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Sounds like a good horse name for a race.

SPEAKER_06 1:26

Yeah, yeah. That on blended logistics.

SPEAKER_09 1:32

Let's retreat.

SPEAKER_06 1:34

But this is gonna be a great episode for anybody. I feel like throughout life, you are either a blended family, been a part of a blended family, you know, somebody in some way, form, or another has walked through this moment. And so I think this is gonna be a very important episode that are gonna touch a lot of lives. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

That we hope. Yes. I mean, Kevin and Christy are, you know, you can see the Holy Spirit on their lives and with their family. And I can tell the Holy Spirit is there because whenever I see their social media, their kids are absolutely going insane in the house. I said, only person that can the Holy Spirit is the one making all that. He holds it together. He holds it together. Oh my goodness. Uh I know, but y'all have a beautiful, beautiful family. How many kids do y'all have? We have five kids.

SPEAKER_10 2:34

Well, well, let's let's let's get this straight though. Okay. They're really not kids, they're raptors. So I you talk about blended family. So there's that that one scene in uh, I guess it's Jurassic World with Owen Grady. He's got his hand out and he's trying to fend off like the four raptors. That's that's raising kids.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

So you're saying they respond to hand signals.

SPEAKER_10 2:58

I have so many things I could say to that, but this is being recorded, so I can't say that. No. I believe I have a uh a uh a sign in our house that says uh raising kids is a walk in the park, Jurassic Park.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

I love it.

SPEAKER_10 3:12

I love it. Can I please borrow that?

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Yeah, they're always they're always testing fences.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

You got kids, they're always testing fences.

SPEAKER_06 3:20

Yeah, I love it. How many of you have? Nope, go, nope, go, oh, go, go.

SPEAKER_10 3:25

I gotta say this too. Like the couple episodes that we've listened to your podcast, yeah, you always start by telling her she's beautiful. I do.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Oh I didn't do it this time. You talking about olive gun.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

You know what she gets annoyed.

SPEAKER_06 3:45

It's because the rest of the episodes, I do not feed him before we record. Oh, that is where I met.

SPEAKER_10 3:51

Oh, no more food before recordings, and then you get you get the compliments. That's what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

This is blasphemy. I don't know what he's I don't know what she's talking about. No, Lord, but you are fine.

SPEAKER_06 4:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

You're very fine.

SPEAKER_06 4:02

Thank you. That never gets old. Kevin just saved your life.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Kevin didn't save my life.

SPEAKER_09 4:09

Anyway, somebody told you later, literally.

SPEAKER_06 4:12

You called out. So we wanted to get you guys here because obviously, you know, your story, we know a little bit about your story, and it is truly impactful. We ourselves are walking through our blended stage still. We've only been married a year and a half, so you know it's a continuous process. Um, for those of you who do not know, I have two kids. Brandon does not have children. So he has adopted my two kids as his own and loves them, loves them and cares for them, you know, as if he gave life to them himself. And I am forever appreciated.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

I do give him life, I'll beat him up in the house.

SPEAKER_06 4:57

For that, he saves their love. But that is one thing that we we wanted to hear about how a little bit more about your story. So, where do you guys want to begin?

SPEAKER_10 5:10

We met through a friend, um uh a good friend of ours, um, whose for me, her husband was in uh had a really bad car accident. And so she's walking through that with him. And during the middle of all that, I get a text from her and she's asking me to meet this girl, and I'm like, I don't I'm I'm good being a single dad. I don't know what I want to be with. But Kendra is a she's a great matchmaker, and she's got sweet, sweet woman. Yes, sweet girl. And she um I she you know well me down. I was like, all right, I'll meet this girl. And then from her end.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

So like like Kev said, her husband was in a uh an accident, and I was the uh I currently work in orthotrauma over at UT. And so I I was on call when he came in, so I was the provider assigned to his care. And so we had we we used to work together in the ER many years ago, and we had kept up with each other on Facebook, but you know, had to reconnect over this horrible event. And um, you know, Matt's doing great now, but uh during the time you know they were in the hospital for quite a bit, and I was just there early one morning just bringing her coffee, just checking in, seeing how she was doing, and out of the blue, she said, Christy, are you dating anybody? And I'm like, Why on earth are you asking me about my dating life when your husband almost died and all the things? And so, but uh, she told me about Kevin and uh showed me a picture from Facebook of a recent Disney trip.

SPEAKER_10 6:44

That was it?

SPEAKER_00 6:45

No. So a few weeks later, and she said, I'm gonna reach out to him. I was like, Kendra, don't worry. I mean, you need to focus on on you and Matt. It's you know, don't don't worry about it. And but I remember walking out of that room and smiling, thinking, you know, God, that would be just like you to do something like this because I had not done the all the dating sites and all that just scared me, freaked me out, and hadn't done any of that. And so followed back up with her about a week later, and she had reached out to Kevin, and then he texted me later that day, and we met for coffee a week or so later.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

So you hadn't even been really looking at that point. You just had a friend that said, Hey, are you interested? How did you how did you go from not no interest at all to just putting yourself out there? Like, how did you make that switch so quick?

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Well, I I had been praying about it and you know, I was like, God, if if you want this to happen, I don't know if this is your will or not, but you're you're gonna have to do it. You're gonna have to, you know, guide me or direct me or essentially drop somebody drop them back in my past because all of the because I hadn't I hadn't dated in at that point uh 18 years.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

And so didn't back in the day you met people out at yeah, at church or school or whatever, and the whole online dating thing, it just wasn't a thing back then, and so it just kind of freaked me out. So, but it it wasn't that I wasn't open to the idea, it was just I had not done any of it myself. I was just, you know, like God, if you want this as part of my story, you're you're gonna have to do it because so I know you said, Kevin, that you kind of had wrote it off.

SPEAKER_06 8:39

You were you were fine raising your kids, you were done.

SPEAKER_10 8:43

You get into it, and once you've had your heart broke like that, yeah, it just you don't want to put back out there. Yeah, you don't want any more part of that. And if that's what this is gonna be, then I I don't want a part of it.

SPEAKER_04 8:55

Right.

SPEAKER_10 8:56

I I'll be a single dad for the rest of my life, take amazing care of my boys, yeah, raise them upright. That that that's fine.

SPEAKER_06 9:04

That was me.

SPEAKER_10 9:04

I have to I'll be good.

SPEAKER_06 9:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:06

I'll be good. I don't I don't want to put myself out there and get that done again.

SPEAKER_06 9:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:10

No.

SPEAKER_06 9:11

What was it for you that made you switch? I know you said Kendra was kind of hounding you a little bit, but I mean ultimately you had to be like, okay, maybe I did that already.

SPEAKER_10 9:26

Honestly, I went out because it was Kendra.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:29

Kendra asked me to do something, Kendra's wonderful. So it's like, I I'll do this.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:36

I'll do this. You're not really you don't know if you're actually hoping for something or if you're not hoping for something at that moment in time.

SPEAKER_06 9:43

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:45

Because you've given up almost hope in that area.

SPEAKER_06 9:48

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:49

It's amazing to me the moments and times in life when you quote unquote give up hope. God's like, alright, I'll step in now.

SPEAKER_06 9:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 9:58

I got this.

SPEAKER_06 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 10:00

Let me roll up my sleeves and let me show you what I can do.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 10:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

When do you feel, I mean, well I guess the question I want to ask is did you feel like you were ready, or did you or did you surrender, or you or did you have to just sort of be private? I don't understand this.

SPEAKER_10 10:26

I mean when I walked in and saw her sitting there. She looked like a sexy librarian. I say her hair was up. She says her hair was down. But she looked beautiful. And I remember sitting there with her, and that she was nervous. You could see it. Her nerves had her. And so icebreaker, we started talking about Disney, which is one of my love languages, and told her my favorite Disney story was Sleeping Beauty, because it was the first time a prince actually did something to help. I dreamed a spot as you slayed a dragon. Bro had it.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

And I thought he Facebook stalked me because that's my favorite. Oh my goodness. I grew up watching that. I was like, and I was like, what? But anyway. Oh my goodness. But we found out, or I I found out at that coffee meet and greet, it was K. Brew out in West Knox, that his divorce had not finalized yet. And so that was kind of a pump the brakes moment for me because, you know, God, if if there was hope of of reconciliation, I didn't want to be in the way.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

And so um, so we said, you know, I can't I can't date you right now. It's you're still technically.

SPEAKER_10 11:57

You still went on a date and dates with me.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

We we did have some coffee. We did have some coffees, but I paid for it.

SPEAKER_10 12:04

She wouldn't let me pay for it.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah. It was just a lunch with between friends back. Yeah. Lunch between friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 12:11

And and we talked earlier too. That was that was that was attractive to me.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 12:16

Finding godliness in a woman, morality in a woman.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 12:20

And I had tried to date.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 12:23

And man, that was not there's not a lot of good out there. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

It's not all good in the field.

SPEAKER_10 12:30

It's not. It's not. But to find a woman that did care.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 12:37

I mean, that's that that's that's a unicorn. That's a unicorn in this day and age. You talk about finding a treasure in the field in the Bible. You just found a treasure in the field. And you sell everything you got to keep that thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

That's right. I know you were a treasure then too. Hold on. Yeah. Oh. But um, you know, I I got back in after our our coffee, you know, even you know, if if God worked it out or if things happened. Um, I wrote a little note in my phone. I I think I just met my future husband. And that was before just because I I saw something in you, and there was a spark. And what what got me, what what got me was we were no, not the blow. Yeah. Um no, he he told a story of, I don't remember, I think I think it was Finney.

SPEAKER_08 13:34

Uh now, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

So uh Finney had was was potty training at the time. Oh he had pulled his his diaper down in the middle of his living room and had peed all over the car.

SPEAKER_10 13:47

He whizzed everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 13:51

I was mad.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

And he told me that story and that how he um had to take a step away and um you know, count to 10 and separate himself out of the situation and not uh react out of anger in that moment. And so just that was you know, just that story of self-control. And that's that was my first like, oh, okay, tell me more. Yeah, because you as a mom, I mean I want the the protection, exactly, and yeah you you know, talk about the beginning of this and how they're gonna be with the kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 14:29

And she did a half marathon at Disney, and so she send me pictures and all this fun stuff, and I'm loving it and watching her progress and all this fun stuff. And she came back from Disney and brought print gifts for my kids. Oh and I'm like, huh. Not just me.

SPEAKER_06 14:46

Yeah, you thought of my children. You thought of my children.

SPEAKER_10 14:49

That goes a very long way in my book. Yeah, you're not just trying to schmooze me.

SPEAKER_06 14:53

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_10 14:54

And it was a thoughtful gift, yeah.

unknown 14:57

Wow.

SPEAKER_10 14:57

Um the first time I met hers. That was fun. Um, went over her house for the first time. And we we promised each other what, six months?

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Mm-hmm. We've been dating for quite a bit.

SPEAKER_10 15:09

And then we're like, we were not meeting each other's kids till we're solid in this.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 15:13

You don't want to pick kids through that. Yeah, them getting attached to somebody and then rip somebody from their life. That's just divorce and relationship kids get hurt the worst.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah. They're innocent.

SPEAKER_10 15:25

I'm not willing to put my kids through that. She wasn't willing to do the same. I came over to her house. We're playing in the backyard.

SPEAKER_06 15:34

Did you take your kids?

SPEAKER_10 15:35

I did not. No, we didn't meet separately for the first time.

SPEAKER_06 15:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 15:40

Get to know it, all that. And playing with like these foam pull noodle swords. And like, I am going at those kids. They're going at me. We're going at it. But by the end, and you know, you walk in and you're like, are all these kids crazy? I've never met these kids before. The mom's always gonna talk up the kids. Are these kids nuts?

SPEAKER_06 16:04

Yeah. Everybody always had kids according to them.

SPEAKER_10 16:07

Yeah, exactly. Oh, my babies are angels. No, your child is the devil and puppets. Y'all, there's an altar somewhere with some holy water and some incense and some oil, duckets, pastis, whatever.

SPEAKER_09 16:22

Your job is the devil. I don't know though. I don't know. It really does depend on the day.

SPEAKER_10 16:30

That's true. It depends on the day. Sometimes, you know, I swear one day I'm gonna write a parenting book called Silence and Gold is Golden and Duct Tape is Silver. Kevin's child the guide. Kevin's uh guided children.

SPEAKER_06 16:44

You heard it here.

SPEAKER_10 16:45

Um yeah, Tasers and Hand Grenades.

SPEAKER_06 16:47

I love that.

SPEAKER_10 16:48

You don't know what you're gonna get with the ghettos. But by the end of that meeting, all three of them were sitting in my lap, and I was reading him a book. Oh my goodness. I was like, all right, like this is doable. I can do it, yeah. This is cool. Yeah, I like this. How did you feel?

SPEAKER_06 17:05

How did you yes?

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm I'm an observer anyway, and so I was I was like, okay, God, I I I see what you're doing here, because if if there was any bad vibes between him and the kids, that would have been a a stopping point for me. And so, yeah, all all good feels. So I was like, okay, maybe this can maybe this can work.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

What was your biggest challenges during that season of really taking things step by step? But you're really keeping multiple balls in the air, as it were, as you're trying to shake your relationship and then you have the kids, sort of balancing all of that and keeping it on the right share. What's one of the biggest challenges for that?

SPEAKER_10 17:53

Trust. It's trust. It was trust for me. Just again, we go back for me of Am I gonna get my heart broken again?

SPEAKER_06 18:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 18:10

What's gonna happen here?

SPEAKER_06 18:12

Yeah. And I think the deeper you fall, the the the it's it's scary.

SPEAKER_10 18:17

That fear almost heightens because you're you're in. Is this worth it?

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 18:22

Is this worth me putting out my heart again?

SPEAKER_03 18:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 18:25

And you know, we we we we talk about it and it still happens from time to time where that PTSD sets in. Somebody says something innocent.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 18:32

Somebody's talking to you, yeah, or something happens and you flash back. Yeah, sometimes you flash back hard, those triggers hit.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Yeah. It's you start crying and you don't realize why you're crying and try and assess the situation and break it down and think rational thoughts, and sometimes your emotions just take over. And um, you know, you talk about trust during that time. I think it was, you know, trying to take down walls that you had built up to try and protect your heart so that you didn't get hurt again. And being uh open to being vulnerable is scary because you you don't want to go through what you just uh gone through.

SPEAKER_08 19:13

And the big thing is that is communicating in in in those moments.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 19:18

It is the open, honest, raw communication.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 19:22

When you're questioning trust. Okay, well you did this, well, you said that. What did you mean by that? Because this is how I'm feeling at this moment in time.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 19:32

What do you got for me? I know a word um, what was it? The word I said to you, expectations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

That was that's not a good word for me.

SPEAKER_10 19:43

These are these are my expectations. And for her, that was a negative thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Yeah, wow.

SPEAKER_10 19:49

Wow, why is that a negative thing?

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Because I was told that I did not meet expectations in your previous and that led to certain events. Yeah. And so for for me, if I don't uh meet these expectations, then I'm going to uh uh you would find yourself in the same position that you were in. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 20:18

We'll put it like that. Thank you. We'll put it like that.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

And so for me, that was like you you can't put these concrete demands on me because life is life is messy, life is up and down. What if I, you know fail. Fail. Yeah. Yeah, which we all do. Then what? Then what? Yeah, then what what's next? Exactly. And so and that that brought me to brought me to tears, and uh we had to talk about it and why that was, and to him, that's just it, it's just a word.

SPEAKER_10 20:48

Yeah, I'm just talking about expectations. I was always told that you know, make your expectations plain, so there's no, you know, everybody understands what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

A better word would have been like um desires or request or goals or things like that, versus it was that one word.

SPEAKER_10 21:07

Wow. It's amazing how a word or Lord of Song or something about nature just takes you back to that, and she's held me through it when I broke myself down crying, bawling, because the hurt just it hits all again, and you you think it's a scar. It's really not a scar, it's just a stab. Were you ever afraid that you weren't fully healed enough for your season? I don't think you fully ever heal from something like that. I don't think you do.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I think with any sort of traumatic event, even if you related, you know, go back to physical, you know, you break something and there is still scar tissue, there is still damage that is done. And you can you can move on, but say if you you break part of your knee and the bones may heal, but you're still gonna have that scar where you have lack of range of motion. Right. And so you you may heal, but you're scarred. And so you have to deal with those restrictions. And sometimes those restrictions are uh emotional you know triggers that come up that you think that you're good that day, maybe then for whatever reason I just went through that exact same thing, yeah. For whatever reason, um, like an example, um, the kids were being kids and misbehaving and trying to get through to them and find creative ways to discipline and you know, just trying to parent from different angles. And I I forget exactly what what the older boys did. I was like, okay, you're gonna wash my car. That is your punishment. There's pollen all over it. Go out to the garage and I'll back my car out and you can wash my car. And I get out to the garage and I'm looking for um all the car wash stuff, and I start just sobbing in the garage because that's something that my ex-spouse used to do. He used to wash my car on, you know, weekly. And after the divorce, I said, Well, I'm gonna get a membership to a car wash. Yeah, and I'll wash my own car and backmen out and do all the things, but I just went out there and I had I didn't have those supplies, and it just kind of brought kind of that way. Yeah, and it's something so still so silly that you know, you you get hit with those and when you're least expecting, yeah. And and then they have to come out and see me ugly crying in the garage, but then you also you don't want to open up as to why, because you don't want to bring your hurt upon them, and so you try and like mom's just having a rough moment, you know. I just need a hug right now, I just need a minute. Um, but yeah, it's silly things.

SPEAKER_10 23:50

Told me about it. I went outside, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

And he held me and hold her, and we'll talk it through.

SPEAKER_10 23:54

We that's what you do. You have to. Yeah, lines of communication have to stay open. It reminds me a whole bunch of the scripture that talks about being filled with the Holy Spirit, be ye being filled, and it's a repetitive motion, be being filled, be being filled. It doesn't stop, it's a constant healing process, it's a constant process, yeah. It is a constant process. Little things will bring back up the hurts, but as long as you sit and you talk it through.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Yeah. How is your family structure? Help us understand how that has formed and under what circumstances that has grown.

SPEAKER_06 24:36

So before we get there, so you met her kids, she met your kids. Yes. When did the kids meet each other? Meet the kids, kids, meet the kids. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_10 24:49

I I don't know the answer to that.

SPEAKER_06 24:51

Was this on wedding day? Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Oh no, um we we had, well, we took, we tried to do like a little weekend getaway up to Gatlinburg, but I don't think that that was the first time.

SPEAKER_08 25:06

That wasn't the first time.

SPEAKER_10 25:07

That was to see how they would do together in a house for a weekend.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah, my folks um have some condos up in Gatlinburg. And so Kevin and his boys stayed in the downstairs condo, and and we stayed upstairs, and then we would meet for for breakfast, and we would go hiking and swimming and movies, and then we would separate.

SPEAKER_10 25:25

Not that anything could ever happen with five kids in a condo. No, yeah. Just don't stay separately. We did it the Jesus way.

SPEAKER_06 25:33

Well, you get together, obviously, and you get married. You move in. Now everybody is under the same roof. Yeah. And we gotta figure this out.

SPEAKER_10 25:49

I think I think the most hilarious hilarious thing being a blended family is at the wedding or after the wedding, and somebody's like, oh, you're in your honeymoon phase. We don't get blended families don't get a honeymoon.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

I didn't get a honeymoon.

SPEAKER_09 26:08

All seven of y'all are checked in the pool and hope to God you spammed. There's no honeymoon.

SPEAKER_10 26:14

You go into it and it is yeah, it is rough, and you are learning wide open all the time. Oh my god. It's just constant, it's constant learning and it's constant adjusting and it's constant readjusting and learning personalities and habits, and all of our kids are very strong personality. Yeah, you would think out of five kids we would have a docile child. No, wow, we don't have a docile child. They got all five splendid personalities.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

You know.

SPEAKER_06 26:47

So did you guys go into this going, we have to be a united front, or these kids are going to get some.

SPEAKER_10 26:54

We had some very strong conversations. I initiated some very strong conversations early on.

SPEAKER_06 26:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 27:00

About kids, what the expectations were. Um how how we would raise them.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 27:09

What what we really wanted out of a family. And it's like, listen, when we get together, this is how I expect to raise a family.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 27:17

You know, we're gonna raise good, godly, productive members of society.

SPEAKER_03 27:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 27:21

They're not gonna act a fool when they're out. Yeah, they're gonna know how to behave themselves in public. Um, I mean, I say that loosely because again, they're raptors, so sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

But also too, with the blending, we're blending our parenting styles. Exactly. And so our the older three um have gotten accustomed to a certain type of parenting styles. And with them being older coming into it, their experiences, their their traumas from the divorce are were a lot different than than the the younger two, because they they had more vivid memories. And so their their healing, their blending, their worlds turned upside down, and trying to, I won't say force kumbaya, but trying to make it as as we try, you are, but being understanding that hey, this is hard for them and it's hard for us, and trying to not pretend like everything is cupcakes and unicorns and all that. It it's it's hard. It's hard. And show them love.

SPEAKER_10 28:30

I know that sounds so uh cliche, yeah, yeah, but you show them love.

SPEAKER_03 28:35

It works.

SPEAKER_10 28:36

I want you to understand before I even discipline you that I love you. Yeah, I'm gonna do anything and everything that I can to get you to understand my love for you. You are not my stepchild. Yeah, I do not have a stepchild. Yeah, I have five little raptors. Amazing. There ain't no step in it.

SPEAKER_03 28:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 28:56

Sometimes they do step in it, but there's no steps in the household. It it it you show them you love them, and so finally when discipline comes.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 29:06

I remember talking with our eldest, and he poof, man, he'll get you sometimes. And I was disciplining him and having to talk to him about some stuff, and he just wasn't getting it.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 29:23

And I'm like, why don't you understand? And he goes, Oh, I understand you'll always love me. I just don't care about that.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Too just letting them know, because you're stepping into this role of step parent, bonus parent, you know, whatever terminology you want to throw at it, but letting them know that you're not trying to replace the the the other the other parent. Um, you know, we we still strive to have a fantastic co-parenting relationship with with our our exes, and and that's been a journey as well. I mean, everybody is healing from different things. Absolutely. And so, but the kids, you know, have questions of of why. And that's that's tough to find to try and give an age appropriate answer without letting them letting them know that it was not anything to do with them, that you know, that this was something between, you know, mommy and daddy and all that, but that you were loved. At the end of the day, you need to know that that you are loved, and I am so blessed to be able to be your your bonus mommy and and all that, but still you you deal with expectations and um yeah, expectations on behalf of the kids because an appropriate communication. So, an example the other day, um Kev was at Thursday choir practice or praise team practice, and so I had to pick up all five kids and get them home. And so it's you know, going all over town, uh, five kids, four different schools. So it's uh it's it's a journey. Yeah, and so I pick um Addy and Bennett up, and we drive across town, we get Nate, and then we go to get Finney, and so we all go in there, the the four of us, and Finney sees me and he starts crying. Not because he's happy to see me, because he thought that his real mommy was picking him up that day. And so he starts crying in the middle of class and in front of peers and teachers. This was just the other day, and I feel just awful because Finney and I, we we have this, we have this great relationship. Yeah, and um, you know, he calls me, he calls me mommy, or he doesn't have to call me is his mommy or Miss Christie or or or mom or whatever, but we have this like we cuddle this closeness, and but his expectation was that his mother was going to pick him up. And even though, you know, even as adults, when we when we get disappointed, you know, we we have expectations. Um and when those aren't met, you know, as adults we can navigate those difficult emotions, but as kids, it they just just let it all out. Yeah. And but also realize that was a mistake on on our part for not giving him all the details. Communication said because they call me mommy at at times. And so when they say mommy's picking you up, and he thinks real mommy.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

And and so that that was hurtful in the moment, but also trying to navigate my own feelings about that, like uh trying not to get hurt and frustrated, but realizing that he's just a baby, yeah. And um, having to kind of rein in my own hurt of he's not happy to see me when it was just that his, it wasn't that he wasn't really happy to see me, he just was expecting something different. Yeah. And so um, and then a few minutes later we were fine and joking, and it was it was back to all good things, but but in the moment, you know, trying to navigate so all those things is is tough. So going back to communication.

SPEAKER_10 33:12

Again, I understand everybody says it, but communicate, communicate, communicate.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Not between us, but also with with the kids.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

Make sure they understand how it works as well. Have you seen them pushing against you? Kind of you kind of gave an example there with which which mommy is in play at this point in time, but have they been pushing against this new blended family in other ways, sort of rebelling against that?

SPEAKER_10 33:40

My best story for that involves our 12-year-old Nate. He was 10 at the time. Because that would have been our first Christmas together.

SPEAKER_05 33:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 33:52

And my uh my dad and Kat um were coming over, my stepmom, I call her Kat. Yeah, uh Kathy. Um, with presents and they got there, and Nate was in a mood, and he was in the office, and I'm like, I'm going to hey bud, you know, my parents are here and they want to spend time with you, they want to give you presents. Would be really, really great if you come in.

unknown 34:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 34:22

I'll give you a second. Please come come spend time with my parents. They they like you, they want to get to know you more.

SPEAKER_04 34:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 34:28

And um he did not. So I went back in there, and I'm like, buddy, hey, we just talked about this. Can you come talk to my pit? Bro, they have gifts for you. Yeah. Like, I figure any kid's gonna be running in gifts. Yes, done. Did I say gifts? No, he was not. He looked at me, he turned around and looked at me, and he said, None of this is yours. That chair belongs to my dad.

SPEAKER_06 34:56

The house.

SPEAKER_10 34:57

And we were in the office, and his gaming chair was still there. That chair belongs to my dad. None of this is yours.

SPEAKER_05 35:04

Wow.

SPEAKER_10 35:04

And I was like, I looked at him and I said, Okay, do you want to do this now? And he said, Yeah. Alright. When everything went down, your father took what he wanted out of the house. Everything left in this house now belongs to your mother and me. So no, that's not his. That's mine.

SPEAKER_03 35:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 35:31

And the look, and he just looked at me and he goes, Why did they even get divorced?

SPEAKER_03 35:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 35:38

Do you know? I was like, I do. I do know, but that's not my information to share.

SPEAKER_06 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 35:50

That's their information to share.

SPEAKER_06 35:52

And one day, they'll talk to you.

SPEAKER_10 35:55

They may decide to give you that information. Yeah. And they may not decide to give you that information. I still don't understand everything behind when my parents got divorced.

SPEAKER_04 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:03

I was like, buddy, you may go the lateral history of life, and you may not ever get that information. Yeah. And you're going to have to be okay with that. But this is what I do know. You have more people that love you, and they want to take care of you. You've got great more grandparents, more Christmas gifts, birthday gifts. You've got more people in your corner.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:25

I'm going to give you a second.

SPEAKER_03 36:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:27

And I'm not going to ask again. I want you to come talk to my parents.

SPEAKER_06 36:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:33

And he did. That was the only time I've ever had to have that conversation with that boy. I was like, in the moment, you're like, I don't oh Jesus. I don't know what to do with this. You're gonna have to do something, you're gonna have to help me because I don't want this is not one of those times you make a mistake and you mess it up.

SPEAKER_03 36:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:56

You seek wisdom and counsel in that second and you you gotta get it right.

SPEAKER_06 36:59

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_10 37:00

And again, this is the kid that's like, no, I know you love me. I know you'll always love me. I just don't care about that. Right. An amazing opportunity with him in specific. He was having some trouble school-wise and was not doing well. And he it was his birthday, bless his little heart. It was his birthday, and he had gotten in trouble at school again. And we were married, and I was fixing up the old house to get it sold, my bachelor, my re-bachelor house, I guess you call it. Um, a couple things that I had to fix up on it. Um, nothing crazy. And I I'm like, all right, you're with me. I'm I'm putting you to work. Yeah, I am mad as a wet hornet that we're still doing this mess. This is ridiculous, and I am getting ready to lie into him on the way to the old house. Yeah. And the Holy Spirit stops me. And you're like, that's it's not what he needs right now.

unknown 38:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 38:10

Like, what are we doing then, bro? I'm about to verbally rip him a new one. And I don't know what else to say. I was like, all right, bud, you know. Are you a believer? Do you believe? You go through the process and he's like, I mean, yeah. This isn't this isn't the way a believer acts. And we had that conversation and continued until we parked in the driveway, and I'm talking to him again. I'm like, but have you accepted Jesus? He said, No.

SPEAKER_08 38:51

Ah, that's when it gets me choked up every single time.

SPEAKER_10 38:54

Yeah. And he said, like, do you want to? Do you want to change? And he said, Yeah. And I got them every single time. Anytime I anytime I tell this story, it gets me. He um I got to pray with him right there. And at the end of that prayer, he launched himself out of his seat, his seat, and wrapped his arms around me. And he said, Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

Oh my goodness. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_10 39:32

I mean, if that's what I've accomplished in life, wow, I've accomplished that.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 39:38

God did a moment where I was about to rip that. Ooh, you don't have no idea how close I was to ripping him a new one. But he God took that moment and just listening to the Holy Spirit, and he turned something so beautiful out of it. And I'm like, all right. Alright, God, you you do you. I don't know what to do in those situations.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 40:01

You're praying in the spirit, speaking in tongues.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

And again, how did you feel when you heard this story?

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Yeah, I mean, uh, yeah, Nate being the oldest going through, he was dealing with a lot of anger issues because of the whole thing. And I think ultimately, you know, being at that weird age where you're old enough to comprehend but not old enough to handle the heaviness of a situation, but still wanting answers. Yeah. And ultimately, I think wanting to know that you're going to be okay, but also that it wasn't your fault. Yeah. And and when you can't give them age-appropriate answers, because again, you don't want to skew their parent, yeah, the other parent. Yeah. No, not at all. And you know, we as as as people relate to our heavenly father very uh like we relate to our earthly fathers. And so I didn't want to skew his perception of the heavenly father by bringing down earthly fathers. So and that's that was between me and and his father, you know, that's not a burden that he as a you know seven, eight-year-old kiddo needs to shoulder. But still, he wants those answers. He wants to know. He's he's very, very smart, so intelligent, and he's very inquisitive. And he he just that would have brought he he thought that those answers would have brought him peace, but ultimately not. Right. And so it just brings more questions, more questions, more turmoil. And so, and then you know, here's Kevin, and he's not trying to replace his father, but step into kind of an a father-like role. Yeah, and you know, um, and they, you know, but then there's that oh yeah, that that tension, that clashing, and you know, Nate for a while was man of the house. And so now here's this other man that that has moved in. And Nate was shouldering a lot of things that he never should have shouldered because he felt kind of responsible.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

And so, um How does that make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Oh, it you know, horrible as as a mom because you never wanted your children to experience that, you know. I think you know, as a child of a divorced family and remembering some of that that you went through. Um never wanting that for your own kids and and pushing through so they would never have to experience that until you could not push any further. And um and ultimately doing what you think is right to protect them. But hearing stories like that again, I prayed for a man of integrity who would be a leader to my my sons or and and all my kids, but especially my son, someone that they could look up to and lean into and trust and point them towards the father, that their example would be would mirror the father's heart. And so when I like heard the story of you and Finny and peeing on the rug, and then hearing stories again of patience when you could have blown up and you know chewed him out for I'm sure it was something that he was being a little, you know what, over um because he he had his moments, but um it it just makes makes me love Kevin all the more because he's exactly who I prayed I would find to to be that role model, to be kind of that godly example for for the kids. No and point point him towards the heavenly father.

SPEAKER_10 43:51

So um and each of them are so different, their relationship is so different. All the kids like Nate and I have a killer. relationship.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 44:01

Like we've had the conversation. It took a minute.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

We got there.

SPEAKER_10 44:06

We have a great one now. But with him, like we're so much alike. I don't understand how he wasn't. He didn't come from my DNA.

SPEAKER_04 44:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 44:17

He's he's he it's ridiculous at times with him and I. It's great he we're good now, but Bennett.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 44:26

He is a tough cookie to crack.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 44:29

He is that they get to make their decisions. And I don't know what's going on outside. But they get to make their own decisions. And they get to decide what they think about other individuals.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 44:44

And I I refuse that's something they can do when they grow up. It's not a danger thing. So it's like all right I'm just going to be me. I'm going to be open. I'm going to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Yeah. It's almost easier that way, right? They're not taking responsibility for their own perception.

SPEAKER_10 45:02

I grew up and that wasn't necessarily the case sometimes. And you have some a parent who didn't speak the highest of the other parent.

SPEAKER_04 45:17

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09 45:17

And you're like and you had another parent who really didn't say a lot of negative at all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 45:25

And you're like, okay. Alright again after watching my stepmom do what she did and I know how to I know how to step parent a heck of a lot better.

SPEAKER_09 45:35

I know the type of parent that I want to be as I'm co-parenting with my ex-wife.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 45:43

No. You make your own decisions. You'll grow up you'll get your own things sometime. You'll make your decisions based on the information that you've been given if you ever get all the information one all you need to know is you loved.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 45:59

What happened between you and your mother and Ma or in her case, you know your father and her it's that's our business. That's not yours.

SPEAKER_06 46:08

What is one piece of advice that you would give to someone walking through maybe a divorce thinking about getting back out there dating again but they have children and are having those same those same fears that same anxiety of you know what will this look like yikes um that's a heavy one though.

SPEAKER_10 46:42

That's a heavy one girl um say don't don't rush it yeah work work on your own healing.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Yeah and you know I one of the faults of my past is I had put my ex-husband on a pedestal a place in my heart that God only should have been and you know going through I was like you know God I'm I'm sorry you should have been king of my heart all along and so getting that relationship restored and kind of focusing on that and trusting his timing even though it's hard and you want things to happen and but trying to seek out you know godly relationships and but giving yourself time to heal before jumping back into to things and taking it taking it slow.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

I would say when we talk about you know one of the things that I've talked about especially on this podcast and it's big for us is that self-identity right really finding who that is before we step into our next marriage or relationship as people have been through trauma right I mean it's yeah it don't call it money pillars for nothing right it's near some blades and blades comes with trauma and it's important that we all recognize as part of those lessons as to to say okay here's here's my boundaries here's what I need to do mean like how how does that figure into you guys' relationship mean how do you speak of advice for others I mean how what what are some of the things that you've taken those lessons that you've taken and then implemented in your own life um once you get the kids to better to bed have a glass of wine hey no and seriously but seriously sit down and talk.

SPEAKER_10 48:49

Yeah talk about how your day was talk about the her the good the bad the ugly let's talk about what's tomorrow let's prep together and it's that time spent together you really can't put a price on that you really can't it's that still got connection because you you you're a parent you know for us we're almost three years into this thing and you're still a newlywed. Yeah you're still walking through this relationship thing together and you can't let the business of busyness of life and my God the lacrosse schedules and the football schedules and the soccer schedules and then you know who's where when in the school you still have to have time for you and her. You have to yeah and if you don't it's not going to end well yeah you you still you stow away just like you do with God and the Holy Spirit you take some time you take some time with that relationship that friendship don't you dare sacrifice your peace for anything. Oh yeah for that for that mom or that dad with the kids yeah looking for somebody else if there is not peace in that person Bible says you when you go into a house you speak peace to it you speak peace over it. If that peace returns back to you don't you go in that house you meet somebody you speak peace over that if that peace returns back to you don't you dare I don't care how good they look I don't care how much money they have I don't care what they promise you about being a good parent to your kids yeah if they ain't peace in it it ain't worth it. Yeah I have that yeah in in the midst of the chaos and the five kids and the times you really want to tase children not that we would ever do that just fine little spray more we're talking about doctors um there's peace I can look in her eyes and we can sit down and we can do the wine down and it is peaceful.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Not because of the wine but because of her presence I know that to me it's her presence it's her presence it okay y'all can't see but there's a massively cute moment happening right now okay so one of the things that I know about my journey is that my wife has been such a crucial part in this poetry God is writing um and I can see his his fingerprints all of our marriage and our journey and you can see him writing his story as we try to zoom out as as you zoom out in your journey where where has God been what how do you think the novel is coming together um how would you describe that it's still being written for sure yeah but tell me tell me what chapter we're on oh gracious that you cart everywhere never ending story yeah it really is yeah where's Falk with a luck dragon um sorry for Alvin's hopeful you got that reference um where are we at we're in the midst of life yeah we're just in the midst of life yeah and you are life is worth living it is and living it to its fullest and not getting bogged down by all this mess that is in society and the world yeah it is sometime just coming home and you have a task and you let that cask I'm not gonna do it tonight.

SPEAKER_10 52:47

Yeah instead we're playing Dungeons and Dragons with the kids and sending them on a quest and having some fun and doing just fun family stuff.

SPEAKER_09 52:57

Sometimes you just do it sometimes it's a movie night yeah you're just living life yeah sometimes they're grounded and we don't get to do any of that stuff two of them may be grounded right now.

SPEAKER_00 53:12

Yeah who knows we're as far as chat I mean I think we're writing and constantly rewriting and trying to find something that works and then it might work one day and then it doesn't and him revealing himself in different ways but I mean again he has his hand little fingerprints on well not little fingerprints they're quite large I'm sure um on everything on everything you you step back and you look back and he's just man he's not well mutting it all together and you're like Yeah well right we're good we're good I can do this even finding Lauren and Josie who were running the the yellow door ministry you know I think one of the attacks of the enemy is when you're going through divorce or when you're a a single parent you know he makes you feel so isolated. Oh for sure like like you're the the number one trick yeah you're the only one in the whole wide world that's ever going through it going through it and you just feel just so alone. Um but then a friend of a friend got me connected with this ministry and I'm like okay fine I'll go and I show up and there's 16 other women going through the exact same thing. Yeah and immediately it was like this big you know burden was lifted off my shoulder that you have friends a community you know women and you're not alone and you can support each other.

SPEAKER_07 54:35

No and so that's the biggest trick of the enemy to make you feel alone yeah can we talk about why women do that and men don't what do you mean that the kind of community community I can of course I couldn't find men nobody wanted to talk to me about that. Evan you need to start a group not what no seriously I thought about it.

SPEAKER_09 54:56

I thought about it especially going through that moment in time because you know going through a divorce my God you're a leper oh yeah you are a leper and everyone is afraid that they're gonna catch it I don't know how they're gonna catch the boat divorce my God they're afraid of it dudes that want to talk to you they're like look you're like they're keeping the distance now and the wives are pulling them away from you and you're like it's like the Z what are we doing here? What is this?

SPEAKER_01 55:31

Seriously it's like you you you have a contagious disease and if you were to get near their marriage somehow you will infect yeah and it's insane did y'all experience did you I think I I mean I did not experience that I think I've I definitely felt it internally uh I felt damaged obviously you know and but so important for us as our community I think men we tend to isolate ourselves absolutely we get uh deluded into believing that the role of a man in strong household is one of solitude you know almost morbidity right but yeah um that's not what God has for us and um you know the fact that you navigated your trauma to come into a great future is man I mean it's it's just rare first of all for us extremely you know proud of yourself man no that wasn't me that was not me nah no that was that was that was a whole lot of praise and worship I'll be honest yeah that was the thing that I threw myself into yeah I I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs I'd be crying my way through it that's right but it was worship yeah I I I am dead dog serious worship is what got me through that season yeah you pour everything you got out and when you don't have anything left God's like alright I can feel you yeah you I have nothing left in there I think it's empty it is done so y'all yeah that's like alright let me do something though you got it out of your system are you done son yeah are you done I look at sometimes are you like little Finney who's five he's go he has a cancer for me on time are you done yet yeah are you done yet yeah and God's like are you done yet exactly that is exactly it let me do something yeah give me a minute I gotta get this lady Kendra I'm gonna have to talk to her and I gotta put it we gotta put you in a dream over here but seriously he he doesn't rush it yeah he he's he's he's working all the ingredients all things yeah making this beautiful beautiful wonderful coconut cream pie that's right and oh come on cream pie slander right now lady no denied denied I rebuke that no coconut cream pie but a peanut butter pie but when you look back and you realize what was going on during that time I mean for me it definitely strengthened my faith muscles because so many times you're like you know you pray and you do see God show up and do some things but when it comes to these big milestones in your life and when you can look back and see see the cook cooking I'll preach that and you can go oh that's what he was doing.

SPEAKER_06 58:54

Yeah I thought I was sad I thought I was lonely but he was actually setting me up to walk through those seasons.

SPEAKER_10 59:03

Girl it's all a divine setup it is it is all a 100% divine setup God's just got to get you in the right place in the right time with the right mindset and the right faith with this other individual it is all a divine setup.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

It is speaking of divine setups can we can we as as as we begin to sort of run can you please tell the story with the coffee cup because I need all of my I need all my ladies listen ladies if you want a quality man we're gonna give you the ingredients please please take it away what what are we doing with the coffee cup please the coffee cup all right so um I guess we were dating I'm sorry were we dating or were we in the period where we were what was that period to you you were daytime.

SPEAKER_10 59:50

I think we were officially I was just eye candy oh stop it no I think that we were officially dating okay we were officially dating we gotta get it right we gotta get it right um and she had brought me random she still does it she'll bring me coffee to work or Chick-fil-A to work not calling me just showing up and she had brought me a a Starbucks to work and then I gave her a hug don't know if I gave her a kiss or not she might not have let me kiss her at that moment but we were dating so I probably did okay um I took the coffee cup inside and I let my hand off of the sleeve and it fell down and she had kissed the coffee cup.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Just a hidden kiss.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:36

Just a hidden kiss it was hidden underneath the sleeve had I not moved my hand you wouldn't have seen it I would have never seen that kiss on the coffee cup.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

But I love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

The the class and at that moment I know right the the hidden ladies we're not we're not asking for the world we just put some lipstick on a Starbucks plastic joint and we good understood if they understand what that did ladies let me tell you what the hidden message is you just said it take your hand out of it and underneath is your hidden treasure and on that note on that note I I need a white hanky I need I need a white hanky listen so I I took that cup and I actually after I was finished with the wonderful coffee that was inside I cut it out I cut it out and I hid it in my work bag um I asked her what this was what is this I you know we talked about it I don't want to get my heartbroken again yeah I can't I can't do this I can't I can't do this again it hurt too much yeah I almost didn't make it this is not it ain't gonna work like the only thing that kept me honestly this might be too much for y'all the only thing that kept me sane and from putting a pistol in my mouth were to my two boys.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:14

Oh yeah that was it my two kids because I didn't want them to grow up without me yeah I didn't want to I didn't want it. Yeah I didn't know where they'd be yeah that's the only thing that kept me sane I didn't want to go through that again. Yeah no and so I went went over and I pulled out the guest on the coffee cup that I took my hands off of it and saw and uh I showed it to her and I was like what is this? I don't know why I kept this what is this and she's I need to show you something and she went over got her phone and pulled up her notes app and there was a note and we you know they're all dated so you know when they were done. Yeah and she pulled it up and it was the day of our coffee date and it said I just I think I just met my future husband I mean how does God go about organizing that I know right hey man how does he do that wild cannot be any better man only him if you if you doubt if you doubt God tell him his existence yeah then just look at it just take a step back from where you are and look at it and watch that divine setup. Yeah if you doubt his love for you take a step back yeah take a step back look at his handiwork take a good long look at it because I promise you you will find it yeah there's a song by Johnny Lang that says you're gonna find what you're looking for.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:55

Take a step back and look at it you're gonna find it's always been there even when we've we've turned our backs he's always been there and he makes all things new beauty from ashes more song lyrics for more song lyrics everyone in this room is very musically new exactly so I think all things new yeah is a song by Big Daddy Weave. Yeah um and that that's kind of that's our song our first dance song inscribed over our bed behold he makes all things new it's yeah just you know what what he did in in in our marriage and our lives and the restoration and you know hopefully it brings some some hope to folks who are kind of going through it and and we're still working it I mean working it out each you know each day we're faced with something new but at the end you know we've seen what God has done and where he's brought us and we can even when life is messy we can fall back on you know our God is always faithful. He's always there he's always brought us through even when even when we couldn't see when we were blind or our own actions have made us turn away I mean he's he's always been faithful he's always been there and and and he has he's he's worked it out. Was it the song that's not a wedding song it's not that's not a wedding song at all it's it's about loss but it was our wedding song because it wasn't just about a dance or a wedding it was about redemption it was God taking about the brokenness and the heartache and this beautiful moment that he makes out yeah and your kids are dancing around you that's the whole reason we had a a a ceremony is because they wanted a they wanted a party they wanted a dance we were gonna elope or go to the courthouse but they said they wanted to dance

SPEAKER_10 1:06:00

So we that's what it was.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:10

And they danced all night. Well until it was time.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:13

He's a guy that will make all day all things new.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

Yes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:19

Every single time.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:22

Such a beautiful story. I mean, this this conversation is a reminder that, you know, even when life doesn't go how you plan, uh meaningful, generationally meaningful things can be served. Just absolute uh examples of that. You know, we just thank you so much for sharing your story and sharing your journey. You know, we are we are here with y'all, you know what I mean? We wanna we wanna be at the next, you know, uh vow renewal, and we'll we'll we will steal the DJ, but you know, again just keep our kids from the DJ. Well, yeah, that's for sure. You know, but we want to thank Christy and Evan just for blessing us. Um thank you so much. Of course, it's our pleasure to be here, baby.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:12

I have no words. This is a good thing. Yeah, no worries. It was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:14

This was such a reflex.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:16

Yes, this is such an amazing time spent with you all getting to know about your story, diving into the dynamics of your your household. Um, we are very happy that you guys are a part of my life. And we can't wait to see what else God is doing for you guys. So likewise forward to it.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:37

Absolutely, likewise. Y'all gonna come in for game night right now? Yes. All right, absolutely. All right, that's what's next. That's what's next.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:43

Well, listen, thank y'all. Appreciate y'all for riding with us, and we'll see y'all in the next episode. Peace. We out, peace.