When It Stings: Handling Criticism as a Business Owner, Mom, and Human

In this episode of Before We Get It Right, we’re talking about something every mom, business owner, and human being experiences: criticism. The kind that sneaks into your thoughts at 2am, shows up in a comment section, comes from people you love, or, in Katherine’s case recently, came through a couple of negative Amazon reviews that unexpectedly tanked sales for an entire month.

We’re having a real, honest conversation about why criticism hits so hard, especially when the things we’re putting into the world feel deeply personal. From motherhood to entrepreneurship to simply showing up online, it can be incredibly difficult to separate what we create from who we are.

In this episode, we talk about why criticism affects us on a biological and nervous-system level, how to tell the difference between constructive feedback and projection, and why online criticism can feel so disproportionately heavy. We also share tangible ways to regulate your nervous system after criticism stings, rebuild confidence after discouragement, and continue showing up even when self-doubt creeps in.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever questioned themselves after one comment, one review, or one hard moment. A vulnerable, grounding conversation about resilience, self-worth, and learning how to keep going while you’re still figuring it all out, before we get it right.

Find us on SUBSTACK HERE!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

You're listening to Before We Get It Right.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Real moms, real conversations for the messy middle. I'm Leah and I'm Catherine, and this is a space for honesty, not perfection, before we get it right. Welcome back, everyone. So today's topic kind of came up naturally for us, uh, more so for me, I feel like. And I think it's one of those things that every single person who is listening experiences, but probably doesn't talk about out loud that much. And today we are talking about criticism, the kind that comes from strangers on the internet, the kind that comes from people you love and care about, or the kind that lives in your head at 2 a.m., or what truly sparked today's topic, the two negative Amazon reviews on my product that have tanked my sales for the month of April. And that's just me being honest.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Gotta love the transparency, right? But what I love about doing this episode is that it really sits at the intersection of being a mom, being a business owner, just being a human, trying to put yourself out there. Criticism shows up in all of those places and it hits different depending on where it comes from. It really, really does.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

And we're not gonna pretend like we have it all figured out because you know we definitely do not, but we do have some thoughts, some real experiences, as I just shared, and some actual tangible things that help us get through these times. Okay, I want to start with just naming why this is even hard in the first place, because I think sometimes we feel like we shouldn't be bothered by it. Like if we were more confident, more secure, it just wouldn't land and it wouldn't affect us. But I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

It's really not. There's actually something very human and very wired in about caring what other people think of us. It goes back to survival. Belonging to the group meant safety. So when somebody criticizes you, especially publicly, your nervous system reads that is a real threat. It's not weakness, it is literal biology.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Which I think is a really helpful reframe because I used to feel almost embarrassed that a comment from a stranger could ruin my whole day. Like, why do I even care what this stranger on the internet is saying? But your brain doesn't know the difference between a real threat and someone being mean in your comment section.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

And then the layer on top of that, the fact that for a lot of us, what we're putting out there, our businesses, our content, our parenting is deeply personal. It's not just a product, it's a reflection of us. So the criticism of the thing can feel a lot like criticism of you. That distinction is really hard to hold on to in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

It really, it really is. And I think that is the hardest part about criticism is we do take it personal. But Leah, I'm curious to know a time that criticism really got to you. Like what did that feel like and how did you handle it? But to be completely honest, I feel like you don't get criticism as often. I like to keep the vibes high. You do keep the vibes high, but there has to be a time where you have gotten some sort of criticism that got to you.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

You know, I'm sure if you were to sit here and ask past employees of mine, they would probably be able to really identify that moment because it does feel like there have been multiple times where there have been moments like that. And the clearest thing that comes to mind for me is a couple years back, I received an email. So this wasn't a public criticism, this was a direct criticism and more so a confrontation. But I received an email from the founder of another t-shirt brand that I'm not going to name them because I'm not gonna bash anybody, but yeah. They were very established. They had been sold in places like anthropology and Nordstrom. Celebrities wore their shirts. I mean, on a completely different playing field than little old Leah Polish Prince. Okay. And I get this email from the founder. I see it in my inbox. Mind you, I've supported the hell out of this brand. I bought wall prints from them. I had bought t-shirts from them. Like I really loved what they were about. And I signed up for their email list. So when I saw an email come through from their founder, I thought it was just a mass email. And then I opened it and I realized it was actually written directly to me. And essentially, she was accusing me of stealing their designs. Not stealing them, because our designs are actually incredibly different. Our brands are very different, but taking sayings that she had put on shirts and recreating them. These are common sayings, sayings like mama knows best, things like that that are who hasn't said that before, right? I'm literally wearing a shirt we just made that says mother. You know how many other people make shirts that say mother? Can't countless, but she felt like I was specifically ripping off her brand. And she said that customers of hers had to get screenshots of my content on Instagram, sent them to her. And I responded, I apologized, and I was like, you know, I exp gave a little explanation to the specific shirt that she was commenting on. And I said, you know, our brands are very different. Here's why I designed this. I've actually bought from you, I've supported you. If I felt like I was stealing your stuff, I wouldn't, I would do it a lot differently than this. You know, I just kind of gave her a little explanation.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

And you would just never do that though. No. That's nothing that your brand actually stands for.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

No, and you know, what was kind of hard at the moment was that uh a couple years before this, I'd actually been approached by an artist. He used to be very high up at a very well-known company. He was the creative director, and he had designed shirts for them. And at the time, I actually hired him to design shirts for us because it was the first time I ever had, I was ever connected with anybody who had designed t-shirts. And I was like, finally, someone knows what they're doing. Because at that point, I had really just flown by the seat of my pants. So we had shared a designer, but even in correspondence with him, I had been very clear, I do not want this to look like X brand. Or if he had given me things, I had explicitly said, this looks too much like their style. I don't want to reflect that. So when she put together that I had worked with him and she went through my website and nitpicked every single shirt that looked like or had a same same saying, everything looked very different stylistically. She also I'm realizing this is a lot of detail, but it does play into the overall criticism because this one got you.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

I remember talking about this in Scottsdale last year.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Yes. So she wrote me back essentially an essay and was incredibly, in my opinion, hateful. She said that moms like me have ripped her off for years making t-shirts in their garage. And, you know, if I'm a person who actually empowers women through my brand, I shouldn't be ripping her off with these sayings. Again, sayings like doing my best. Okay. So I took a couple days to respond. And when I did, I wrote an essay back. And this was before ChatGPT. This was from the heart, people. And I wrote a very long email where I was like, if we really want to get down to it, I have supported your brand. I have always looked up to you and really used it as a model of what I wanted my company to be. And I said, you know, I knew some of these things were similar, but our brands are entirely different. Not only that, but if you want to look at timestamps of when you released your products and when I released mine with these things, I released them first. So please do not come at me and say that I stole this from you. And I said, and you know, if you feel that I worked with this designer to look like your brand, I'm happy to not work with him again. But just so you know, I was very clear that I wanted to ensure none of my stuff looked like yours. And it was very important to me because I wanted to respect you. And I said, I believe that there is space for everybody here. And I have always felt like you were in line with that. But basically, I'm getting the vibe that that's not the case. And I think we can all coexist here. It'd be different if I was literally stealing your shirts, but I'm not. And so she agreed and, you know, went on her way. But for me at that time, as somebody who I'd read her blog for years, she had a personal blog. I really looked up to her and it was pretty devastating to me. I took it very personally, and I um also was made me a lot more open-minded to other brands that I saw out there that were using saying similar to mine to not be so judgmental because at the same time we are all just trying our best. So that was a piece of criticism. Aside from that, though, I haven't gotten a ton of public criticism, very small things that I've you know responded to or whatever, but not not huge, huge things.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

I know that was devastating, but I'm glad that you stood up for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Yeah, I was it's also just one of those moments. Catherine and I were actually talking earlier about how we all have the tendency to put people up on a pedestal when you see them, you know, celebrities, thought leaders. I kind of did that with her, and I feel like this brought me back down to earth a little bit. She is on well, well, she blocked me.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

She blocked me on Instagram, so I have no idea what she's doing, but well, I I think how that got brought up is remember when we were in Scottsdale and you were like, Yeah, this because I think she's kind of political too, right? Very political, yeah. And you were like, Yeah, they just vanished. And I looked them up and I found and then we then we figured out that she blocked you, which I think took a little bit for you to process as well. As we were on our vacation, I was like, Oh great. I hope this doesn't ruin Leah's weekend here. It's made me spiral a little bit, it was very triggering. I know, I know, but we got through it, right? We did remember the first time I got criticism for Cozy Hearted, the woman at the mark the market? Yeah, that's that's the story I'm about to tell. That was that one stung because again, if you've listened to our podcast episodes, Cozy Hearted was just a very personal brand. And when you pour so much of your personal emotion into something, if someone comments on it, you do take it personal. But her name was Susan, I remembered. I actually found it because I screenshotted her message while she emailed, she left comments on Facebook, I screenshotted everything, which I'm just gonna save those forever, but it's fine now. But, anyways, I was doing my first ever in-person market, so I was very new to that, had no idea what to expect. This woman was so nice in person. She physically examined my blankets, picked them up, looked at them, everything. And her son, who was older, had CHD. So she loved the meaning behind the brand too. And about an hour later, this woman, I think she lives in Texas. She was traveling in town for something. She sent me an email and then also went on social media. And this woman was distraught that the warm-hearted, which is the blanket that she got, which was a fully custom blanket, by the way, was had a made in China tag on it. Like that is where my factory is for this custom blanket. And she thought that I knit them by hand, is what her expectation was. Um, never said that I did that, basically called me a scammer and that I play on people's kind hearts by tying cheap blankets to an important cause. And she also made the comment of, you know, and having to do with hearts, you would think that there would be some sort of heart on your blanket. When literally the warm-hearted and the cozy hearted brand is the half-heart stitching through everything. So this woman, I don't know. Anyways, I did take it personal and I lost sleep over it. Like I was devastated for days and days and days. That that took me a while to get over. I can laugh about it now, but it was uh what a few years ago?

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Yeah, but it was devastating because you had this experience that felt memorable to you for a completely different way, and then all of a sudden she was like, clearly, her experience felt different, and that is hard. Yo, just quick, I have to say, you saying that actually reminded me of another recent experience I had criticism-wise that I forgot about. I knew that there were more. That's good to forget about it, though. It is. I sorry to bring it back up. No, it's good. This wasn't triggering. This was just one of those that I was like, what is happening? Because it was like three different things were happening. It was the same week that we had all the shipping issues and just other weird things happening, where I felt like we kept getting hate mail essentially of things that were going wrong that were a little beyond our control. But this was one where another local business owner, um, she had asked us if we could make her a shirt for her granddaughter. And we didn't have the exact print she wanted in the timeframe she needed it. So I offered to do it at the craft bar, which for those listening probably don't know what that is. And we have a craft bar in our retail store where you can literally take letters, like letter by letter, you hand place them on shirts or fanny packs, whatever. And so it's not perfect. It's where you can design your own t-shirt, but it's not perfect. So I sent her examples of what the craft bar is. I said, you know, it's not going to be perfect, but we could put this phrase on that shirt so that you can still have it to give to your granddaughter. I got her to approve the colors and everything, and I sold it to her. She came and picked it up. And then, like, three weeks later, she sent me this message where she said, I've heard great things about your store and the quality and everything. But I just have to tell you, I'm so disappointed because this shirt you gave me, the letters are all crooked. The, you know, they're not bright red like I thought. I thought that they were gonna look like this and all of these things. So, like, clearly she wasn't paying attention, but she is a very influential person in our community. And so I was pretty, I felt terrible. I didn't want, I wasn't trying to bamboozle her, and I thought I was being very clear, but clearly not clear enough. So I think a lot of it too is like, I don't know, so many things can be misinterpreted.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

I think the communication and assumptions that are made on both ends can really cause some some criticism to come out. Definitely also like why wouldn't she look at the shirt when she picked it up? I have no idea. And then wait three weeks. Like, that's my I have some follow-up questions.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, it was definitely not the same level as the first one, but it's still it still stung a bit. And that is the thing about criticism. It's not all created equal. And I think it helps to actually name the different types because they do deserve different responses.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

Absolutely. Uh, so there's what I like to call constructive feedback: someone who actually knows what they're talking about, who has some skin in the game, and someone who offers something useful. That's the kind that you actually want to listen to. And as a business owner myself, who is constantly learning, or when I first became a mom and listening to other moms, I have really learned to seek out that feedback and not get defensive about it. I used to be someone that got very defensive, but I'm learning at in my adulthood that I actually really like getting that feedback that is actually constructive. Um, like the one and two star Amazon reviews that I referred to earlier that I received about the cozy carry and it not working for them, I honestly didn't spiral like I did about Susan's blanket comments, but I do really wish that there was a more detailed constructive feedback in those reviews to work with. Um, because if it truly didn't work for them, I would love to know the why, what, how so that I can continue to improve the product. I didn't automatically get defensive because I truly would like to learn more about it, but the over 100 that I have sold on Amazon getting those two reviews, you tend to actually made a story about this on Instagram today. You don't tend to hear about the comments or the reviews when it is working and the positive ones. People are more prone to leaving more negative over the positive. But all you can do is take it as a learning experience. But constructive feedback really can be that constructive and good, I think.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

Absolutely. It helps you do better. And I think at the end of the day, a lot of us just do want to do that. We want to do better, we want to be better, we want, we go into this to create something better. A lot of us aren't starting our own businesses and going through all the ups and downs just to make money because contrary to popular belief, that most of the time isn't isn't the reality. But yes, I'm with you on constructive feedback. I think that that's how you continue to improve over time. But then there's the opposite of that. There's unsolicited advice dressed up as criticism. Someone telling you that you're doing something wrong when you didn't ask for it, a stranger telling you how to raise your kids, a comment about your business model from somebody who has never run one.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Mm-hmm. And then on top of that, then there's just plain cruelty, which sometimes people disguise as quote unquote just being honest. But honest and cruel are not the same thing. And we don't have to receive cruelty as if it's wisdom. And I'm labeling Susan's criticism as cruel just for the record. But it's not something that we need to receive.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

The question I started asking myself when I get a critical comment or piece of feedback is does this person actually deserve access to my reaction? Brene Brown talks about this a lot, actually. The idea of whose opinion actually matters, who's in the arena with you.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

And that framework has genuinely helped me so much because the answer is usually no, this person has not earned that. And I can just set it down. And I know it's easier said than done, but to protect my own piece, I have had to really learn how to set it down.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

All right. Now let's get into the actual tangible stuff because that's the whole point, right? What do you actually do when you get a critical comment? A bad review, feedback from a client that stings a little bit, or a family member who has opinions about your choices. We've got five things.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

So let's go. This is number one for a reason. Do not respond immediately. I don't care how much you want to, close the app, put your phone down, give yourself at least 20 minutes because whatever you want to say in the first five minutes is almost never what you actually want to say. I mean, you might want to, but you'll probably regret it. And I've really had to lean into this one and learn how to pause because it does take a lot of practice.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Your nervous system is activated. You're in fight mode. Anything you send from that place, you will probably regret. So the pause really is everything. Ask yourself, is there anything true here? Once you've had a minute to breathe, genuinely sit down and ask yourself that question and do it with as much honesty as you can. Not because you owe the critic anything, but because sometimes there's a seed of something useful buried in how it was delivered.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

And sometimes the answer is really no, but that's okay too. The habit of asking keeps you from being either totally dismissive or totally wrecked by everything. Okay, number three. This one is harder than it sounds. Separate the feeling from the fact. The feeling is this hurts, right? When someone gives you criticism, I feel embarrassed, I feel defensive, I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. The fact is someone said a thing. I feel like I just my voice cracked. My voice crack. The fact is someone said a thing. Those two things are different, and you can feel the feeling without deciding that the feeling is the truth. You can separate those two.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Definitely. I think of it like the emotion gets to exist, but it doesn't get to make the decisions. Let yourself feel it and then decide separately what, if anything, you actually want to do about it. But make sure whatever you do, do you pause. Take the pause, people. Number four, have a designated person to process with. This is something Catherine and I genuinely do for each other. You need one person, not your whole group chat, not Instagram. One person you can text or voice message and just say, Hey, I got this comment. Can you just witness this with me for a second?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

And the job of that person is not necessarily to solve it or even tell you that you're right. But you know, Leah, I'm mostly gonna tell you that you're always right. But sometimes you just need that person to just hear it because sometimes criticism feels really, really big when it is right. Rattling around alone in your head. And the second that you say it out loud to someone, it gets a little bit smaller.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Definitely. I think when you do that too, the other person has the tendency to kind of play the devil's advocate and give a little bit of a different perspective that can help bring you down to earth. Like when you came to me with the two Amazon reviews, I don't know, Catherine, did it feel a little smaller saying it out loud? Also proud of you for not spiraling, by the way. Or at least I thought I thought you were spiraling and now.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

I know. I remember you asked me, you're like, How are you? Checking in. Are you spiraling? I was like, actually, I'm I'm good. I had so many other things going on that week that I, yeah, I was like, I actually don't have the time and energy to spiral for this. But you were the only one I told about that. Because to be completely honest, at first I did feel embarrassed. And then you did instantly make me feel better about it. And I also appreciate your five-star review that you left for me after.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

You know, that was the first thing I was gonna do was go right on Amazon and leave a five-star review because at the end of the day, I think people are keyboard warriors, and I think too, Amazon is a space in which people feel safe to really just be a little unhinged. That's my experience as well. That's why I don't sell on Amazon. You are braver than me.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

It took me so much time and effort to set it up that now that I do have it set up, and it was doing so well. That's the crazy part, is that was the main place that I was selling it. So we're gonna figure it out. We'll figure it out. But I'm back up to three out of five with us evening it out a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Look up the Koke Kiri cushioned car seat handle. You don't have to have purchased it to leave a five-star review, but we could help our friend Catherine out here because it is actually a great product. I do think though, with all of that being said, anytime you do anything where you're putting yourself out there, no matter it doesn't matter what it is, there are always going to be critics. So if you expect it, you do learn to be a little less rattled by it.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Yeah, and you know, I actually what's his name? It's the guy that's married to Sarah Blakely. Jesse Z oh name's gonna bother me. His name's Jesse, it's Sarah's husband, but he has had many successful businesses and he he talked about recently on a podcast how if you whatever you do, whenever you put yourself out there, you will get criticism. So if you already know that in your head and you expect to get that criticism, you're not gonna be as phased by it. So you're basically preparing yourself for it. So number five, protect your creative energetic ecosystem. So this one is more of a long game strategy, but it matters so much. The more visible you are as a business owner, as someone with a platform, as a parent who talks about their life, the more you're gonna get criticized. And that's social media or not. That it's just math. That's what's gonna happen. So you just have to be intentional about what you let in.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

That might mean turning off comments on certain posts, muting certain accounts, not reading reviews at certain times of day, not checking your DMs right before bed. These aren't avoidance, they're protection.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Your creativity and your competence are actually fragile things that need tending. You don't have to leave every window open. People say protect your piece, but I always say prioritize your piece. And I do just want to say that this is not just for people on social media. I know I mentioned that, but I do want to say that again because if you're listening, you're like, I'm not on social media, so this doesn't apply to me. All of this can be applied to everyday life of people physically around you, too.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Okay, can we talk about the criticism that doesn't come from outside at all? Because I actually think for most of us, the harshest voice is our own.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

A hundred, actually, you know what? A million percent, Leah. And that voice in your head, it's sneaky because it sounds reasonable, it sounds like accountability, but there's a difference between honest self-reflection and straight up self-attack.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yeah, and how do you tell the difference? I think the question is would I say this to someone I love? If the answer is no, it's not accountability, it's cruelty. And you can apply the same filter to yourself that you apply to outside criticism. Is this useful? Is this true? Is it kind?

SPEAKER_01 26:32

The inner critic tends to use words like always and never and everyone can see it. That's your cue. That is catastrophizing, not truth telling.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Okay, Catherine, what does your inner critic sound like? And what does it say to you? We're getting deep here.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

I think that's a great question. Um, to me, it sounds like self-doubt. It tries to tell me in different ways that I'm not worthy, like, who do you think you are to do X, Y, and Z? But through a lot of healing, a lot of inner work and mindfulness practices and just connecting to myself, I have really learned how to quiet that voice. Um, so if you haven't listened to our mindfulness episode that just came out a couple weeks ago, do that. But it truly is a practice. It has taken me a long time to get there. That inner critic used to be much louder. And I feel like that's why I never actually was doing what I wanted to be doing with my life. And since I've gotten that voice to be a little bit more quiet, I've been able to do so many more things that have made me happier. But what about you, Leah? What does your inner critic sound like? You probably already know because I feel like I verbalize my inner critic to you all the time. I know, but that's what the people here. I I know what your answer is, but I think it would be uh beneficial for other people because they might relate to you.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Yeah, and honestly, mine sounds really convincing. It doesn't yell, it doesn't sound mean, it sounds calm, almost logical. Like, oh, you should have handled that better, or that's probably why it didn't work. And I think that's what makes it really tricky because it feels like truth when it's actually just fear dressed up as self-awareness. For me, it usually shows up after the fact, replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, picking apart things that probably nobody else even noticed. And if I'm not careful, I can spiral into that loop of trying to fix something that actually doesn't need fixing. But what I've really been working on lately is catching it in the moment and then asking, okay, is this helping me grow or is this just keeping me small? Is this positive? Is it moving me forward or is it holding me back? And if it's not moving me forward, I've learned that I don't really need to give it a seat at the table because the truth is that voice has been wrong about me a lot.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

I love that. I think you said that very, very nicely. Proud of you. All right. Here is what I want you as a listener to take away from today. Criticism is not evidence that you're doing anything wrong. Sometimes it's just evidence that you're visible, that you're putting yourself out there, that you're trying, and that takes courage.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Yeah, I mean, the goal is not to stop caring. It's to care about the right voices, to hold feedback loosely enough to learn from it and let the rest go. And to be as gentle with yourself as you'd be with someone else that you really love.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

And you're allowed to feel it and keep going anyway. That is the that's the whole thing. That is the whole thing. So if this one hit home for you, share it with someone who needs it or share it with that person that you tend to spiral with because that is genuinely how we grow and it just means everything to us.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Come find us on Substack and tell us what's one criticism you've received that you've actually grown from. Until next time. Just kidding. We want to hear it. Thanks for tuning in again. We'll see you guys next week.