Bobbie Seal, Where it Begins

 In this first episode, Susan introduces the heart behind the podcast and the woman who inspired it, her mother, Bobbie Seal. Through conversation with her cousin Linda Weir, Susan begins to trace the outline of a life that shaped her own,  sharing the memories, values, and laughter, and how the wisdom of her mother (in her own voice) continues to echo across generations. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In in talking to people about even this podcast that we were doing, you know, it's interesting because people immediately start telling me their stories about um about their mother and mother would use guilt. Do you think that? As a weapon, and I'm learning that so do other mothers. Welcome to a daughter's inheritance. I'm Susan Seal, and this is a podcast about mothers and daughters. The whole honest, complicated truth of it. I'll be sitting down with women and giving them space to talk about their mothers and the inheritance they received. But before I sit down with other daughters, I wanted to start with my own relationship with my mom. And I've asked my first cousin, Linda Ware, to have this conversation with me. Linda, thank you for being here. I'm looking forward to it. Uh Linda and I grew up uh more like sisters than cousins, and she knew my mom in ways that were both the same as mine and in some completely different ways. We grew up in rural Mississippi on either side of our grandparents, my mother's parents and her father's parents. We had about 90 acres of land, uh, some pasture land, some forest land, and as we say in the south, there were some pea patches and watermelon patches that we grew up running around in. And we both are a little bit sentimental and have an affinity for and a connection to that place. Uh wouldn't you say?

SPEAKER_03 1:42

No, I would definitely agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Um, matter of fact, I remember your daughter saying one time uh that she said she told people she was from Philadelphia, and we reminded her that she never actually lived in Philadelphia. And she said, but that's where my soul is from. Uh and I think uh we're a little bit like that. That's where our soul is from.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

No, I would say that we are too.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

And mother was certainly that way. So this is the first episode, and I am really excited about it, and uh I I will say uh it feels really special that we're starting with my mom. But you know, I mean, where else would we start if not starting with Bobby Seal? Uh but I'm also really looking forward to these conversations with other women and their moms. I think there's just gonna be so many different unique relationships and experiences uh and connections that we'll be able uh to explore. So I'm I'm really looking forward to that too. So I'm curious what sparked this idea for the podcast? I am a little bit like my mother, in that ideas will just pop in my head and I'm like, okay, and then I'm let's do it. Let's go speed. Let's go, let's get it done. Um, and I think part of it is I wanted to tell her story, and and not that it's this dramatic, you know, you're probably not gonna make a movie about Bobby Seal. But I I wanted to preserve her legacy and share her story. And I I'm doing a podcast at work, and I got to thinking, what if we did a podcast that we could tell her story and then to provide space for other women, the inheritance that they've received, to preserve their legacy and share their stories. Their stories are gonna be very different. I mean, there'll be some that are that are like this the the kind of the basic, my mother was a good mother, but we also, I was her daughter and we butted heads and things, and there's challenges, and but I think there's gonna be a lot of unique stories that other women want to capture that. And then in that, I think also women will find some comfort in knowing that, oh, well, it's not just me. Uh, other people have a similar story, even if it's a bad one. Not all mothers were good. Women can find connection in this, and maybe even some healing if that's what uh you know, what they need. And maybe some laughter too, you know. It's uh it's fun to remember. There's funny things uh to think about and talk about. So probably those three things. First was to preserve the legacy of my own mother and to provide space for other women to tell their stories, and then also uh so that people can find connection and comfort and healing through those stories.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

No, that sounds great. What I love about that is it doesn't matter what journey you're on at some point. I think one of those three elements will tie in. So this is gonna be a great idea.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Listeners, you'll learn more about me as we go along, but we'll we'll do a little introduction just so you can uh frame that a little bit. Uh, you know, where we grew up in uh Philadelphia, Mississippi. And uh I went to college in Jackson at Mill Millsops College and then went to Atlanta for about 10 years, which was great. Atlanta was it was a great time to be there. My late 20s, early 30s, lots to do. And then after about 10 years, I was tired of doing all that and tired of the traffic. So if you I don't know, if you were there on mother's retirement when she had a retirement tee, and I actually interviewed the day of her retirement from the Mississippi State Extension Service, and I hadn't told her that I was interviewing, you know, she wasn't overly happy that I moved to Atlanta, and so it was kind of a uh surprise I'm interviewing to come back home. And so I have worked for Mississippi State since about 1999, except for the three years that I did international ministry, which also my mother was not very happy about. No, she was not. I uh spent some time in Ghana, Nigeria, India, Nepal. Uh, and since then I've probably been to 15 or so different countries, both just personal and and work. And I'm still at Mississippi State. Currently, I am the Dean of the College of Professional and Continuing Studies. I don't have children of my own, but uh my brother Sid and I have always been uh very close, and he's got uh he has two amazing daughters, and they have families of their own now. Uh you have uh two wonderful daughters as well that I've always been close to. So I'll pitch it to you and you can tell us a little bit about who is Linda Ware.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Well, I grew up as an Aeshew County girl as well. Um I went to East Central, then after that I moved to Meridian, and that's kind of where I started my started my family. I have um two daughters. I work have worked at um Northeast Elementary now. This is going on my 23rd year. Children are definitely a passion of mine, but um so as soon as we get started, how would you describe Bobby? Maybe one word that would kind of sum up who who she is.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

One word to sum up Bobby Seal. So um I think that the one word would be independent. In her older years, that was kind of a pain because it's it's like you know, a four-year strong-willed four-year-old. She's uh she in her later years she had dementia. And so she was very independent, and she wanted to do what she wanted to do. Um, and I'm struggling with, okay, is this the best thing for her health? Is this you know safe for her? Um, but so so that was hard from the independent standpoint, and we've both heard her say, I'm still what? The mother. So or the boss. That's right. So uh independent in that sense, and those are the f you know, the freshest memories that are on my mind. But as you think back, she was a young woman in the 1950s in Mississippi. She had a an associate's degree, she went to college, was living in Jackson, our our capital city, for those that don't know a lot about Mississippi. You know, she had a roommate, they were living in an apartment in Jackson, going dancing at Club Catherine, uh, and just having a great time. But for someone who grew up in the country and and very different than our grandmother, who didn't learn to drive, was very dependent on our grandfather. So that was really independent of mother at that time, particularly. And then she had uh a family, so after she got married, some of that changed because my dad was more of that uh I want you to stay home with the kids. And she did, but then she got her own job and her own career, you know, later, and she was always um independent, and like I said, sometimes that was positive and sometimes that was a struggle. Um, but what about you? What how would what would you describe her?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Well, I thought about it, and I'm like, what keeps coming to mind? And of course it's gonna be two words. I couldn't just stick to one, but um you're an overachiever, yeah. That's it. So to me, she's the true, you know, kind of go back to that iconic movie. She's a true steel magnolia. Because she is independent. Um, she was always brutally honest, you know. Even I can remember even in my younger years. Brutally. As her daughter, I would say, brutally. But I can remember even in my younger years, you know, sometimes to the point of not that I was ever scared of her, but like it was a fearful respect. Fearful respect. Um, but she was also very much about community and about family and about tradition. And I think, you know, that pretty much sums up what we all think of when we think of Steel Magnolia.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah. Well, and you you say that, you know, tradition. I think you and I both get a lot of that. I mean, like I said, we're s we're sentimental. We like those traditions. We like to keep those traditions. And she was kind of the keeper of that. Our grandfather, he was kind of the the the patriarch of the family. And then after he was gone, it was it was it was my mom. I mean, she was the she was the matriarch, and she uh, I mean, some of it, you know, we did what she wanted us to do from the tradition standpoint because we were scared not to, but she kept those traditions uh alive, and I think we've passed some of those down, although traditions change over time, but um I think you and I both are very bad about we won't throw anything away.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Have you thought any, speaking of her mom, have you thought any of things that she got from her mom that you can see and how she parented you, or things that she was very different from her mom?

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Um for the most part, she was more like our and we called them mama and papa, we're from the country. Uh she was more like papa's side of the family. Uh, but she did get some of that. Our our grandmother was a stern woman. Is that that would describe her well? But I mean, she was a homemaker, she did the you know, the quilts, and she was very community-minded. I mean, our grandmother was very community-minded. It's just her community was small. Um, I don't know that she ever traveled out of the state. I mean, she came from Kemper County, which is, you know, 20 minutes away, and that was really her world. Kemper County, Neshoba County. So our grandmother didn't travel very much. Um, and she was more dependent. She was very dependent on our grandfather, but she was community-minded. But really, I've heard so many stories about Sadie. And I always said if if I had a child, I was gonna a daughter, I was gonna name her Sadie. Well, I didn't, so I just named my dog Sadie. But Sadie was uh our uh our papa's mother, and she was that extroverted, very outgoing, and I don't, you know, I mean I haven't never met her, but I feel like I know her because uh mother told so many stories about her. And, you know, some of those, and I know you've heard these too, the cousins or grandkids or whatever, as when they were adults, they would go by and go, you know, hey, would you like to go to town? And uh it didn't matter what she was doing, you know what she would do. She'd brush off the front of her dress and say, Well, let me get my purse. You know, and and and I I say those things now. I mean, if somebody says, You want to go and we're like, well, you know, what my mother and Sadie would say, well, let's let me get my purse. She was always ready to go. And so it I was reading or listening to something the other day where they talked about women do inherit so much from their mother, but they really do inherit a lot from the women who came before them. You know, their grandmother or other grandmate-grandmothers, or you know, even people that we don't know about, but the so many things are passed down. But I I think she did get some things from her mother, but personality-wise, she was very different. I mean, don't you don't you think?

SPEAKER_03 13:55

No, I think so too. I think she was a lot like papa. And I think I think she saw some of the things in mama where she was dependent, and I think she she knew she wanted more. And I think she knew she wanted more for her children. Because I I think she really pushed y'all to be um to be independent. She wanted y'all to go out and do like she loved hearing stories of your travels, she just didn't want you to do it. That's right. Do it all the time, or it'd be like a job. That's right. Um, I think that's what bothered her the most when, you know, you took the three years to do missions. It was so different for her. She couldn't understand that. So she had two sides of the point. One side she was so proud of you for doing something completely different and something I think she wished she could have experienced, but I think it scared her.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yeah, I think she would have uh she would have done that. I think in that way we're a lot alike. Now, in some ways I think you're right. I think she was a a little bit jealous that, well, I I wish I hadn't gotten married maybe when I did, or uh had more freedom, because um I I could have seen her for doing that. And our grandmother or great-grandmother, Sadie, she certainly would have. And our grandfather. Yeah, he would have to. He'd loved to. Our grandfather was very uh outgoing, uh, knew everybody in town. I remember one time he went to um uh a college football game, and here you are with thousands of people. He said, you know, I'm just really bothered by this because I looked at I I don't know any of these people. But I mean he wasn't at home, but at home he always knew people, and and I I'm that way. Um it it really does bug me if I go somewhere and I uh don't see people I know. So you sometimes we've said you have gotten more from our grandmother's side with because because growing up you were shy.

SPEAKER_05 16:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Because even though we grew up on either side of our grandparents and was running around and doing all the things, we didn't kind of get in each other's business. Our families were separate. And I think some of that was because of my dad and your mom and Yeah, I don't think I realized it as we were kids.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Yeah, because we would play together a lot, but um being that close, our families did not, like you said, get in each other's business or really intertwine about like relational stuff. Yeah, we would get together on holidays and stuff. So we didn't we didn't do that.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

So I in in my mind, mother really became a a stronger influence as you got a little bit older. And I know there were probably things that she helped you through because she was uh like a mother to you and your dad was, you know, I've always said he was like an an another father uh to me. But when did those influences really start happening, I guess? When when did she become a major influence in your life?

SPEAKER_03 17:15

I think she did when I right after I graduated high school, my parents separated. And then, you know, very soon after got divorced. In the midst of that, we started getting closer and started having some conversation, but I think it really took off when um I found out I was becoming a mom. And I, you know, I d did not have a great relationship with my mom and I needed somebody and she she stepped in and filled that gap through that. You know, and me I ended up raising girls as a single parent. So I think she really started stepping in and feeling that, and the relationship really changed from aunt into more of almost a mother-daughter. You know, I even look back now, sometimes I think if our families had become cl I mean, we were close, but not like closer like that. What kind of influence Bobby could have had on me, you know, in my middle school years, in my high school years to challenge me and to encourage me. Would I've done some things differently? We could have had some conversations.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Yeah. Well, and and I was reading something the other day that said so much of a child's independence or dependence, you know, how independent they are is uh really not set, but such a huge influence by the time they're five years old. Which kind of blew me away. And so I think for us, you know, my brother and I, um, she was that influence. I mean, who who is normally that's the mother's the influence there at, you know, until you're you know at that early, early stages in your life. She was a she was a good mother. Her friends when we were growing up were the parents of my friends. She was a a room mother. Do they still have room mothers? Uh no, not really. It used to be so you, you know, that they would bake brownies or do stuff and come at recess and just really be there for different events and activities. She was a a band parent, which was, you know, they would work concession stands, she was there for uh basketball games. So she was a very involved, engaged parent, um, and m and mother. And so that was really instrumental for me in growing up.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Let me ask you this though. Uh huh. At what point did or was there a certain instance where you realized that she was more human, you know, outside of mom? Like was there a point that stands out that you know where you saw a different side of her other than being the homeroom mom, other than being I think probably um teen years when I saw her struggle.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

You know, I because you think parents just know how to do everything and I mean parents have all the answers, and then there's a a point as you get a little bit older, and maybe it was, you know, before teen years, but you know, I I remember I remember us hiding from the Avon lady because she was he she would be knocking on the door and she was had, you know, the product or whatever that mother had ordered, uh, but we didn't have any money to you know, she didn't have the money to pay for it. And so we would, you know, okay, just get back here. Let's be quiet. Surely there's other people that have hidden from the Avon lady or whoever it is today. Um, and so that really struck me as, okay, that's kind of, you know, that's kind of different. And I, you know, my dad was a blue-collar, he was a pipe fitter, um, which was fine. And we had, I mean, we I didn't think we were poor or anything. I think we were maybe lower middle class, but except when he was laid off, and then that was hard, and he didn't want her to work, so she really would struggle with some of that of the the family finances. And so I started to kind of see that. And then when she was probably middle aged and I was later teens, you know how stories just or things just stick in your mind, events that maybe aren't that big a deal, but they they are in your mind. I remember she used to make caramel cakes. Do you remember her making the caramel cakes? They were like the long, she made a sour cream pound cake and a long. Loaf pan and then she would make the caramel icing in a in an iron skillet. Well, if anybody's ever made caramel icing, it's hard to do. I mean, it's very impressed to be right, like a lot of factors go into that. Apparently, this was not going well, and she started just freaking out a little bit that wasn't appropriate for just caramel not going well. That stuck in my mind still to this day. I can picture her standing there in the kitchen and just it was a traumatic thing. And so then you know, she had some depression that I learned about and kind of started seeing. And man, I look back now. It was probably paramenopause. You know? Yeah. But then it didn't make sense. It's like, oh my God, this is a huge, huge thing. And so that's why I think as we get older ourselves and we look back and as we pass through the phases that our mothers were in, some of it makes more sense because we're like, oh yeah, she was about this age when that happened. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

Well, and that's interesting too, because again, where we talked about our families not communicating, I think both of our families were a lot of times going through the same thing. And I think we got a lot of this from Mama because Papa was pretty transparent. But if we could have talked some, and I know when my dad was going through my divorce, uh, his divorce with my mom, your um Bobby would often tell, say, that he would come up after work when it was dusk, and they would sit in a swing and they would sit side by side so they didn't have to look, he didn't have to look at her, and that they had some of their best conversations. Yeah, because they were close. Yeah, they were they were. They were close, you know, even when we were growing up, but it just really became more transparent and then they grew in their relationship.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

And that was one thing that was was really hard. Uh how old was your dad when he died? I was 64. I had just pictured because you know, they live out in the country, and I was uh I was back here in Starkville at Mississippi State at that time, and I'm thinking they have each other, you know, because my dad had already passed away, and your dad was divorced, and our our grandparents were gone, but they were still there and had each other, they had friendships and and all the things, and then your dad suddenly died from elective surgery, and it's and then I was like, oh, I mean, there was the the grieving of him le dying, passing away, and then also the grieving of mother losing her best friend, and then what that meant for her as well going forward. So it was kind of like this double double whammy. We lost him and we lost some parts of her.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Yeah, I think we did lose some parts of her, and I think some of her even stepped up to a higher um anarchy, you know, that she knew that the family now rested on her shoulders, you know, keeping keeping all of us close and all of us together.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

And in talking to people about even this podcast that we were doing, you know, it's interesting because people s immediately start telling me their stories about um about their mothers. And mother would use guilt. You think you think that as a weapon, and I'm learning that so do other mothers. But yeah, she would, you know, she would wield that guilt sword and and some of that. Well, you know, I'm the only one up here, I'm by myself. Now we had cousins, and we still do, they're still there. That really just sitting here all by myself. Yeah, just sitting here all by myself. And so she, yeah, she she was definitely uh used that tool and and much more uh after he was I mean, she used it a little bit, even like with me going to doing international ministry and other things, going to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

Yeah, and then I think she fell back on too when you like when you went to the missions because you had a job with the state. Um security. She liked security, yeah. And I think she felt, you know, it became real raw and present to her on like when y'all were going through some harder times when your dad got laid off and all that. And I think she was fearful of that for you.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Yeah, why would you give up a safe job with good retirement? When I told her we're in a restaurant, because I thought that might be safer. So I was telling her what I was gonna do. Well, she got up and ran to the bathroom, you know, just not happy at all about it. And we talked about it a little bit later. And um, I was explaining to her more. She didn't give me a whole lot of a chance to explain it. So I was trying to explain to her a little bit more. And uh, she was like, Well, I didn't know. I just thought you were gonna be like Mother Teresa or something. And I'm like, Well, no. However, I mean she was a saint, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to aspire to that.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

See, I would see, I would see two sides of it. Like I would see her doing, you know, the guilt to you or you know, just throwing all these questions. But then when you weren't there, I would see her really, you know, telling other people stories that you had shared with her and just the proudness of her mother, you know, for her daughter. So I got to see, you know, kind of both sides of what she felt.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Well, and you you were a buffer for me sometimes. Um, because y'all were close in a lot of ways, you were like her daughter, but you weren't her daughter. So some of the things that that mother daughter butting heads or 'cause I'm I'm like her. So but you but you could buffer that uh for I think maybe both of us even. Yeah. Are there ways that you see that I'm like her?

SPEAKER_03 28:02

Um, yeah, I think I there are a few a couple of things.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

What would that what would those be? Um be nice. I'm sitting right here.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

I think you're a lot like her in she family's very important to you. And you are, you know, even though you don't have any kids, you're very close to Sid's daughters, and you're extremely close to mine. I mean, I think I'll, you know, like you've said, we're not just cousins, we're really, you know, more like immediate family. So I think that you're the same in. I think she was very com she was very much in doing good things for her community. You know, I think of her and the library board, you know, all the positive changes she brought there. You know, you're in the Rotary Club and all the positive things that you know you're helping with a core group to bring to Starville. So I think a lot of those kind of things, you carry a lot of those values that she had.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

She, I'm a little bit independent too.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

A little just a s just a smidge. And you just like to do your things your way.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

But one thing I try to do that's different, you know, I remember her saying, I am not going to age gracefully. And she was a woman of her words. Yeah, that she was. So I'm trying to think, you know, as I get older, I'm gonna try to age gracefully. And uh because I think those there are good things, and I'm and there's things that I'm proud of that I'm like her. You know, as sometimes we say, you know, you open your mouth and your mother comes out, and there's things that I'm like, you know, I mother would have handled it this way, and I'm good with that. Uh and then there's other things that I'm like, okay, you have to do better than than this, or do this in a different different way. But she was funny too. She was. Now, sometimes she was unintentionally funny. Tell the story about Willie. Willie Coleman.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

Willie Coleman. Willie Coleman. So we had um it was me and you and your brother's wife, Cindy, my family friend Mel, had we were gonna go camping. Right. Kendall, Kendall was with us. Kendall was with us too, and we were gonna go camping just in the pasture. And um, so we had, you know, set up a campsite, and when we woke up the next morning, there was a little stray dog. Because we were pretty, I mean, we were very much out in the country. We were in the woods. When we were definitely in the woods, and then all of a sudden this little dog appears. We call him now like he's an he's an angel dog. Um turns out he really was. He was, but we named him Willie Coleman because we were camping, and a lot of camping stuff is Coleman, and then the Willie after my dad. He became Bobby's new child.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

He really was because I don't remember. I mean, we were a loving family. She told us she loved us, but I mean not like all the time. Yeah. Uh she told that little dog, I love you like constantly. Yeah. My brother and I think got a little jealous at times.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

Yeah, and he's constantly in her lap. I can remember going to, you know, traveling up here for, you know, to visit you or whatever, and guess who came along? Willie Coleman. She wasn't gonna leave him at home by himself.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

And I did not know, and here's a a tip for our listeners you can get a 99 cent hamburger patty at Sonic. Just the patty, because that's what Willie Coleman liked, was the hamburger patty. And she would go to Popeye's because she loved Popeye. She would get him a uh leg and a thigh. Uh-huh. Because he liked he liked dark meat, turned out, and she'd get her a chicken bread. Um, but she would when she'd take him out, she she she never called it a leash. She always called it a lease. And so that we'd all laugh about that. That go get Willie's lease and we're gonna take him out. And another word that she mispronounced all the time was um asparagus. Not I mean, we didn't have asparagus growing up. I mean, you know, we had butter beans and peas and ochra and that kind of stuff. But when we'd have asparagus, she would always call it asparagus, to the point that my brother and I, Sid and I, we would forget which way was the right way.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Well, and another thing is um she added a different ending to my name. Linda. I was Linda. I was never Linda, I was Linda. Um, so we used to joke because my brother's name Mark, so we would intentionally call him Marker. Uh-huh. But yeah. Yeah, she was funny. Okay, so I'm gonna push you out on this one just a little bit. Okay. You ready? Uh-huh. Us non-emotional. Like is there anything you would you wish she would have given you that she didn't? Like a physical thing, a tangible thing? It could it could be anything.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Well, okay. So I'm trying to stall. This is my stalling. So what exactly redefined the question?

SPEAKER_03 33:03

Um Do you want to phone a few? I think, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

I think I don't know if if giving me something maybe less of a hard time at times. Yeah. As as I was a a a woman, I think she would be hard, hard on me. And it's interesting because as I've kind of thought about a lot of this stuff and and remembering back, I remember friends that would be mad at her for how she treated me. I can't remember why. I can't remember what it was that she did. Now, she would she would be blunt about things, you know, well, you need to lose weight, you're, you know, whatever. Those kind of things. And she would at times, particularly as she got older, I think she would try to manipulate my behavior a little bit of the guilt and those kind of things. And so I wish maybe less of that, but she gave me a lot. I mean, she was a great mother. She shared with me. We shared experiences together. She shared the stories of our grandparents and great-grandparents. You know, we talked about those. She shared her time. Uh, there was, you know, it times when I I had a problem that, you know, especially early, early career, when I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna pay for my car insurance. Well, that was the time daddy was laid off. She didn't have it either. But she still helped me and she still figured it out. And so I I think she gave me most of what you know I I I needed. I don't think I'm lacking for anything. It there were times and I I think there have also been friends that said, You are scared of your mother, aren't you?

SPEAKER_03 34:44

I think to a degree we all were. That's right. Um, I can remember probably one of the first times that the girls probably had a kind of a fear of her is when we were going to um rearrange some things in her living room and den. And um Oh yeah, that was when she was older, yeah. Yeah, but she didn't want that happening. But I think that's the first time that the girls had ever really seen a big interaction, you know, with her being very adamant on well, I'm just gonna move it all back when y'all leave.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

And I'm not moving, and I'm gonna sit here and yeah, and she would get fairly strong about those things. Oh, she would. She would. But she had a she had a strong, she had a strong personality, but she but people loved her. I mean, she was great. You talk about your your love for kids and you're really good with them. She was too, you know, and and and maybe I think some of yours you got that because you were babysitting when you were young. So I think you've always been around kids. But she worked in with 4-H young people, you know, she took us on trips and she had our monthly meetings and coordinated and and led all that. And she was really good with those kids. And I think people respected her in the community. They enjoyed her. You know, some of the people that she worked with, it'd be funny to get some of their stories because you know you know Joe Beth. And she's got some funny stories that she just starts cackling and telling about. Um, and it was some of it's just like, well, she was not gonna put up with this, you know, or or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Well, and one thing that stands out about Bobby to me too is I joke for myself that I have a sandbox group of friends, you know, and it's pretty much just this little but Bobby, she had such a variety, you know, because I think about her quilt guild group, her library group, her extension group, she was very much she had a huge friend group. And it wasn't just a casual friendship with a lot of them. It was she had a she had a strong friendship with a lot of women. Yeah, I can remember them going off, was it to Tennessee to, you know, or Kentucky to look at quilts and she loved people.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

She did she loved being around people. Um, and this is one thing that uh I don't I don't know if it's an inheritance per se, but she loved to go out to eat. Yes, she did forever. I mean, she always loved to go out to eat. And part of that was it's not about the food, it's about who she was gonna see. Because there was one time we went out to Ronnie's, Ronnie's steakhouse, or Ronnie's, as she called it, and he had a back room. We'd go in that back, you know, he'd set us in that back room, but there was nobody else back there. And she was just so uncomfortable that at one point I'm like, can we please move up to the because she's not gonna see anybody back here. The food's the same, either place, but she wasn't gonna see anybody. And so she loved going out to eat, and I'm that way too.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Well, and I can remember when, you know, I would go out for the weekend, you know, we would go to Williamsville, you know, we would go to the co-op, like we had you know, we would go to drum tanks, like we had a list of, and it wasn't because we were going to get anything, but we were going because we would see different people in each in each uh setting.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

She's she was always creative. You're creative. I'm um I'm creative in different ways. I'm not artistic. Yeah, I mean you're you you have some artistic abilities and skills. And she was artistic. I mean, she did all the things. Liquid embroidery. I don't know if anybody remembers liquid embroidery, but quilting. She was really good at quilting and and not just the sewing part, not just the stitches, but the colors. I mean, she was she could really pick out colors that just blended so well. And I think that's a that's a talent, that's a skill. Uh, we did macrame and decrepodge and whatever the craft of of the day that we we were doing it.

SPEAKER_03 38:39

But I don't know if you knew she even came when Kendall was in her elementary quest class. She came and did the um what was the little hobby? It was a little girl and a little boy, it was like hobby suit.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Oh, the hobby uh yeah, whatever you were talking about.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

But like she came and did a lesson with them on that. What is that called? I don't remember. I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

There's somebody listening right now, and they're like yelling it at yelling it at us so they know what it is. I remember when my when my dad died, within 10 minutes, the house was full of people. Peyton and Eli Manning's grandmother was one of them. And she would say, You go over here and you do this, and we've got this under control, and um, and and uh she was also a Southern bell. So you had all these strong Southern women running things, and you just okay, yes, ma'am, this is exactly what I will do. But they were they were good, they were good friends, real friends. Um, and I think we learned that from her as well of how to be a good friend uh to people. Any other memories that really stand out to you?

SPEAKER_03 39:50

I think one that I'm I don't know that I knew in the moment to really appreciate it, but looking back now, I'm like I'm so grateful for, is um, you know, in 2020 when we got out for spring break, you know, we weren't supposed to go anywhere. Lockdown, well, Bobby Seal did not understand lockdown. And um But a lot of people, older people didn't they didn't, but um, you know, you and Sid were both still, you know, having to work. So course your daughter locked down with me. So she did. So we just traded. You got my daughter and I got your mom. Um, but I spent a little over a month with her. Um, I think we went to Popeye's almost every day. We had a lot of um fried chicken and apple pies, but we also just did, you know, riding in the country in her showing me things, you know, places that she grew up in, things she did. We would visit cemeteries. We would look back through old pictures in the evenings and you know, just some things that she had kept of her parents. I'm grateful for that time now because you and I both neither wanted sit slow down people. But that that time period made us sit and slow down, and I'm grateful that I did that. Because a lot of times when we would visit, it would be, you know, rush, rush, or let's go do this and let's go do that. Well, we couldn't go do anything. We sat in the yard and swing and talked. We while there are a lot of other like smaller memories, like that really stands out to me.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

And I I remember that being special because I remember y'all sending me pictures from like the old home place in Kemper County or you know, and it wasn't anything there, but like daffodils, but it was important to her.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

Mm-hmm. It was because she would show me the layout of okay, well, this is where the bedroom used to be, or this is the well where we went and got the water, and this is the storm, you know, storm shelter. And so just to be able to watch her relive those stories, you know, and see how important it was to her and to know I've got that now to, you know, to share with family and to pass on.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Yeah, I mean, and and that's an inheritance. Those stories, those memories, you know, some of the stories we tell the same stories over and over again. I think families do. She would tell the one of her going to school that she had a perfect attendance record, which is kind of amazing, and she walked to school both ways, not necessarily uphill, but it and I I think I measured it and school was three or four miles away. And many days that she had to walk to school. Now, the funny thing was I remember in her like 70s, and the doctor would ask her, Now, uh, Miss Bobby, do you exercise? And she would say, Well, I walked to school both ways. Well, that was like 50 something years ago or 60 years ago, but okay. Uh, so she was very proud of that. So, what do you think she passed down to you?

SPEAKER_03 42:57

I think she helped me develop a confidence in who I am. We talked about like I was shy and wouldn't say a lot, um, but I think she helped me develop a confidence in who I am, not only as a mom, but um but just as a person to be able to to be able to use some of those gifts and talents, you know, in my cu in my community. Because there's a lot of things that I do now. I do um family and community engagement. And so there's a lot of things that I feel like I think about things that she organized with 4H and you know, different things. And I think watching her, you know, organize and do I think I you don't think you're picking up on it at the time, but I think she taught me a lot of that. But most importantly, I think she taught me, you know, what the importance of our family is. Because we we argue, you know, and we all have different Of opinion. But to be cousins, like w we're pretty close. One thing I learned from her and I learned from our grandfather as well is the appreciation of older people. You know, and the value and not being so many so many younger people are fearful of older people. But I think because of how we grew up and watching Papa and watching Bobby, because they w all they were always interacting with older people and the wisdom, you know, that comes from that.

SPEAKER_04 44:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

And I think that's something you're passing down, not just to your own daughters. And I think that's part of it too. You know, you pass down things to other young people and influence them as well. Well, thank you for doing this.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

I'm honored to be asked and I'm looking forward to it because everybody that you interview, whether it's you know, your journey with Bobby or other people's journey, they're all like their own individual fabrics. You're putting together a patchwork of a lot of different stories. Yeah. And you know, and you're creating a quilt that will comfort some people, you know, it will provide different different things for them. But ultimately it does remind me of Bobby.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

You said it was like therapy in the pre preparation of it.

SPEAKER_05 45:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

It was. It's been like therapy for me too. In that, you know, those last four or five years were hard. Um, she had dementia. She was independent with dementia. So it was really difficult trying to make the right decisions, you know, and even then her saying, I'm still the mother, and trying to balance what is good for her health and what is good for her, just like you would a child when that's not what she wanted. And she wanted to stay in her house at Philadelphia, and I'm doing everything I can, and just, you know, she had never been in the hospital much. I don't think she had had any surgeries until she was in her 80s. And so those last years were just hard. They were gut-wrenching in in some ways, and those tend to dominate your memories. But this has given me the opportunity to resurrect some of the other memories, some of the the memories of her, her stories as a as a girl. You know, I remember her telling stories about um things that Papa would do for her because, you know, he just wanted to make her happy, and uh her stories of growing up and her stories as a young woman going dancing at Club Catherine, or, you know, whatever, but then as a young mother and all throughout her life. And I think sometimes when those last years are hard, they kind of dominate. But she had 85 other years, but it was good to think back on better times when she was happy and she was healthy. Hearing her voice giving us advice is really helpful. I love hearing her say have faith, have fun, uh, and and love one another. She was in a happy place there, and it's good to remember those times.

SPEAKER_03 47:41

Wow, that really that's such a reminder, because those last few years were hard. But those things she said, that was the epitome of who she was and how she lived. And just what a reminder of the values that she had for her life. And just being able to hear her voice again.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

Because as we've said, those last few years were difficult and we had a lot of hard decisions to make.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

You know, you and Sid worked together on a lot of those decisions, but uh she saw Sid differently than she saw you. Yeah. And that's gotta be that's gotta be hard. You know, because you're both in an agreement on this is the best decision. But while she wouldn't give Sid grief, you know, she would you.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Yeah, and and th the sons often are treated a little bit differently. And uh he's a good son and a good brother. Yeah. But there's just some differences there, um, and expectations of uh a daughter. So I wanna I wanna close with something that she left that uh is special. And I think because those last few years you're thinking, you know, was she happy? Is she okay? You know, how do I make her come you know, all the things that you're trying to do and you're kind of becoming the parent and she's becoming the child. And so you want to make sure of all those things. Well, when we were going through some of her files and stuff, and I found she left a a poem for Sid and I about when she would be gone, and then she left a letter that to both of us, and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna read all of it, but I wanna I want to pull out a couple of things that I think was really this part of the inheritance that's helpful. She said to Sid and Susan, I leave this old house and a few acres of land. There isn't much money, but just split what little there is between you. Then she goes on, she talks a little bit, and then she says, To my precious daughter Susan, I leave my Bibles with the million gospel lines. Sing them to your loved ones, tell them of Jesus' love so strong. Take what strength I gave to you and be patient, kind, and fair. And this this above everything to me was really helpful when she said, Um, let no one shed a tear, because I was the most blessed woman on earth. That's the inheritance that was so helpful at that time. And even now, that in her right mind, whenever she sat down to write this, she said, I'm blessed. And thank you for listening to A Daughter's Inheritance. I hope you found something in this conversation, comfort, connection, recognition, maybe even a laugh or two. If this resonated with you, please follow the show so you don't miss the next daughter's story. And if you want to share your inheritance with me, I'd love to hear from you. So, in the words of my mother, be patient, kind, and thankfully.