Scented Candles & Social Cues: Accidental Bodyguard Duty

In this episode of Laughing Through the Uncomfortable, Julie and Jeff go back to Jeff’s college experience—living in the dorms during COVID, navigating social cues, and trying to build friendships in a world that suddenly made connection… complicated.

From scented candles and RA run-ins, to awkward roommates, unexpected “bodyguard duty,” and the emotional reality of being left out, this conversation gets real about what it feels like to try to belong when you experience the world a little differently.

They reflect on feelings of exclusion, the importance of friendships, and the lessons learned from these experiences, ultimately highlighting personal growth and the need for kindness in social interactions.

If you’ve ever felt like you were trying harder than everyone else to connect—or like you didn’t quite fit the mold—this episode will hit home.

Listen in and laugh with us through the uncomfortable.

takeaways

• COVID stripped away social interactions for many students.
• Living in dorms can be challenging due to differing personalities.
• Building confidence is essential in social settings.
• Age differences can complicate relationships in college.
• Feeling excluded can impact one's self-esteem.
• It's important to engage with others and break the ice.
• Friendships can be formed through shared experiences.
• Understanding social cues is crucial in group dynamics.
• Personal growth often comes from uncomfortable situations.
• Kindness and inclusivity should be prioritized in social interactions.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Laughing Through the Uncomfortable with Julie and Jeff. My oldest son. Yeah. So we realized that we went on to another subject of dating last week. And so the week before that, though, we were talking about school. And you had made mention that you had a lot more to talk about, especially when you were living in the dorms. Yeah. Up in Oregon.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Definitely, definitely more to add.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

So you finished community college, you got an, you know, you got your you got your AA's down here, and then you decided to transfer up for your bachelor's degree. Yep. And you transferred up to Oregon.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yep. Just for a year.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yeah. Well, you thought it was gonna be for more.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Yeah, but and then after that transferred back to East Bay.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Yeah. So you're an alumni of Cal State East Bay. Yeah. Which is funny because, you know, it doesn't matter. Okay. So you have more to say.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

So.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Well, this was during COVID. So yeah, what year was that?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

2020 now.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

2020. I was at my last semester of community college. Then I finally got to. I'm just glad we did the college tours before COVID. So this was like summer of 20 2019. You guys were like sitting me down. I'm like, hey, where do you want to go for college? And my answer is like, I don't know. Because I was so deep in deep in thought of like, I just need to finish community college, but it was like that pressure of like, hey, where do you want to go? So we went up to SOU.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

But in our defense, you've always wanted to get your bachelor's. You wanted to get your bachelor's degree. Sorry, I'm turning off, turning off my text messages. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

I'm like, ooh, text messages.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Right? So you always wanted to finish your degree and get your bachelor's degree.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

So SOU. I like their sociology department. So I went up there. We finally got in the dorm. It's super expensive. I'm like, crap. Yeah. So I finally met my doormates online on this online dis Discord from the school. Text them. There were three. I got well, it's actually my first semester there. I got my bathroom by myself, so I didn't really have to share. So that's awesome. So on my just this semester was really weird for me because we weren't really allowed to do anything. COVID literally stripped everything from me. Socially and just dynamically. And it's just it was hard because I was 24 and 23 turning on to 24.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

But you weren't you living in the dorms with older classes?

SPEAKER_01 2:37

No. Maybe they didn't carry you with the older classes. No. I was the I was the oldest. Everyone was either two to three years younger than me.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

So they were 20 to 21 years old.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah. And same ordeal. They they were freshmen. I was a junior living in the dorms with like fellow juniors, but they were younger than me. I went, of course, I went through the community college route. Much affordable way to do things. Can't seriously, much more affordable.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

And so much affordable that you said I'm gonna buy the new books. Yeah. I'm not buying news, no, just kidding. Community college is really good. And I'm only saying it's good because, you know, I mean, I taught at community college for several years and and I went to community college myself, you know, getting up going through my education. And I I think it's great. It's great background, lots of diverse students from different types of backgrounds, all different ages. All different ages.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

You know, so so you so you had three roommates or two roommates?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

So the first semester I had three I had two roommates at the time, and they had a share bathroom, and I didn't. So it was nice. They were not really, I was just saying like I they were cool, they were chill, but the thing is, much different age.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

We should see his face right now. He's making these faces like, eh, how do you think about it? I did not enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Sorry, like I had to. So what was it about?

SPEAKER_00 4:03

What was it about not enjoying living with people? Was it your meticulous ways? Was it their sloppy ways or their meticulous ways? I mean, let's be more descriptive. Like you said, like you moved back from living away with Ben and Kate, which we talked about already. And so you were already in that mode, right? So what was it so difficult? Obviously, you live with us, mom and dad, while you're going to the community college, saving money for your education. Yes. So going from being like, what was it, what was it so difficult?

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Well, learning all these personalities and also reading the room a lot. Because one roommate had like like all his like five girls coming in at once, and and then the other guy having his friends over, and and I'm like, I'm just trying to read the room. We met and we also met up with our like our neighbors too, trying to introduce people. I'm in like this is like my most confident phase ever. But this, but all these people kind of like chipped away my confidence.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

How would they chip away?

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Because no one wanted to hang out, no one wanted to like, hey, I'm like, oh, you want to do something fun? Like, oh, I don't have money. Don't worry, I got you. Let's just hang out. Like, it's so hard to get people out of the room because obviously there's COVID. There's like were they playing a lot of video games? Oh my god, all of them were like we had to play on the quad. The oh yeah, the RAs, assholes. Absolute assholes. Whoever is listening and you're in a college and they're an RA, my RA at that semester was uh was very rude.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

So basically, if you're an RA at a college and you're and you're listening to the city. No one's your friend, sorry. There's no reason to be mean to anybody.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

There's no reason.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

And if you're students with an RA, there's no reason to be mean to the RA. They're just doing their job.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah. If people can vape in their college dorm room, I can have a scented candle from T from TJ Maxx.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Well, that's a light flame. That's a flame.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

I know I have my window open.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Yeah, but that's people smoke weed and vape in their dorm rooms.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

And every moment the fire alarm went off. Mom, my first semester, the fire alarm per month, five times. But if I mean friends with the fire department, mom.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Was that you setting it off?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

No. It was I had to throw away all my scented candles.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Okay, wait, but I think it's because it's a live flame and vaping don't have to.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Your dad would have had a heart attack. I don't care. Either way, after the dorm, I put it back every time.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

But I guess what I'm saying is you understand why, right? Because it's a live flame versus vaping is not a live flame.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

My roommate had a vacuum and using the vacuum and opened all the windows. I remember coming coming from class and the dorm room smelled like so much weed.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Wait, he had a vacuum to someone?

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Yes. The cheap ass vacuum that he fucking bought from, I don't know, team or some shit. Okay. Constantly walked in his dorm room on the computer. I think it was a compute, computer engineering major. Like, that's cool. I'm like, dude, you want to go hiking? You want to go do some golf? You do want to get out of your room. Like, no, man, I don't, I don't want to. I'm like, thanks for the invite. I always, you guys taught me so much. You taught me well. I always knock on his door. I'm like, hey, dude, do you want anything from the store? Do you need anything, man? Just to get his ass out. And we finally got his ass out and we played fucking musical drums.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Wait a minute. You would knock on his door and say, Do you need anything from the store? But yet when you moved down with Ben and Katie, you forgot to ask if they wanted anything on the door.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I went to school being naive, and I thought everyone wanted to be friends.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Well Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. My other what?

SPEAKER_00 7:51

You weren't gonna say the school that she went to. But it's okay. But it was a good education.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

I I guess it was some readjustment. I was just trying to be everyone's I was I just want to make friends, you know. That was my biggest thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

And your issue was reading the room.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Reading the room, reading social cues, and they were younger, and no one I was really mature for my age and was just trying to engage with everyone. So trying to be like, hey, are you trying to be supportive, trying to be like no one ever asks. Usually you want to have them, you want to get interested in their hobbies, right? Then they will, it's not any expectation, but technically in the dynamics of friendship, usually then you want to come back around and ask you about my interests, right? Like you're being supportive. Like, oh hey, Jeff, you want to do something you want to do? I'm like, hell yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

So I was So you supported them in their hobbies. I know somebody that you went to school with was a pilot and you went for a flight.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Yeah, it was fun. But he thinks back on this, it was our next door neighbor. There was two of them. There were two girls living into the dorm. And there was like this gender separation thing. All guys are in one, and and certain genders will be in certain areas just to find their safe space. Yeah. And that's awesome. Completely awesome. So we were next door to two girls. One was studying environmental, and the other one was also doing a similar environmental summing thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

The other girl was from Minnesota. She was absolutely gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Like the most Christian girl you ever see. I'm like, and I I fell over heels for like snap of a finger.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Like she was because she was nice.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

She was nice, very humble and very calm, very good.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Really attractive, very nice.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

And I'm like, okay, I'm like, I'm like, Odyssey, I'm sweet, said hello to you.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

But the thing is, she's only there for a degree, and then the roommate basically told us, I'm like, apparently she got over a very bad relationship. I'm like, okay, and then she moved out. I'm like, so that's why she kind of respect that. I'd rather be her friend and just be very supportive. So my roommate, who is who just got his pilot license, he's he says he was religious, but not actually. And I'm like, okay, dude, sure you are.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Is it because of her? I don't know. Because he tried and he says he was Catholic. Did he say he was trying to hook up with her?

SPEAKER_01 10:25

No, I I read the room a little bit in understanding, like, okay, this was like high school, okay. He I was sitting on the couch watching Hulu, and the girl came in, and then him, like, hey, we're going to go in pilots, and then I don't know. I don't remember if she asked me to join them, or he then like, hey, it's okay if you don't want to go. She asked me, I'm like, hey, Jeff, you want to go? And then she and then and then my other roommate, like, hey, it's okay, Jeff, you don't have to go. Because apparently, hint, hint. I'm like, oh yeah, I would love to go. That's good. But I'm like, that's good. But the thing is, when she didn't ask him, she asked you. Yeah. But the thing is, when So did he ask her to go to pilot?

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Yeah. And then she asked you?

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Yeah. And he then came back to me to like, it's okay, Jeff, you don't have to. I'm like, oh shit, hell yeah, let's do this. I was sitting on the back, screaming my head off, and then I didn't tell you about this, and you were freaked out about it. I didn't understand the social cues at all. I mean, I think she The thing is, what's so weird about this experience of the college was that all the girls found me very like a protective person, like an older brother. All of them. Even the freshman girls came to me and, like, hey Jeff, can you join us? We don't want these guys here. I'm like, you know you guys are like 17 to 18 years old, right? They were just wanting you to protect them, like just to be present, to make sure nothing else.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Because you didn't okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I didn't realize, but I realized after I left. The only thing I did was smoking cigars. Okay. Apparently, apparently they found that attractive, apparently. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Well, they still were like, I think they wanted you to be there just to make sure that they were safe. Yeah. That like you were an older brother. And and truth be told, you are an older brother of two other siblings. I mean, you would do wear that badge. Which I knew that at that moment, but I did. I'm like, okay. Well, but do you have to go? Would you have not gone if they would have asked you, knowing that they didn't feel safe where they were going and they just wanted somebody to help to protect them? Obligated to go. Good. I raised you right.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Yeah, you raised me right. But the thing is, I'm still single. And you're like, I don't want to be a bodyguard. Every girl, every girl has a friend using me as a fucking bodyguard.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Well, no, obviously, it's good that you're friends. And you're gonna meet somebody where you are friends first, and then something might happen. But but that's a compliment thing.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

You know what's so weird? So weird? As the girls were having a sleepover, they told me, like, hey Jeff, can you stand outside? We don't want any guys to come in. They told me to sit in front of the door.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

That's not weird. That's good. You didn't though, did you?

SPEAKER_01 13:04

What's in front of the door? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

How long did you think?

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Just for 20 minutes. I was on my phone. I felt like a bouncer.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

You're like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

I was a bouncer.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

So other than that, though, I mean, like, so you you unfortunately you were during COVID, so all the classes were online.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

So you missed out on. But then didn't you go to like the cafeteria that was on campus and eat there?

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah, I did. The food was so disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

But then you could have met people, though.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

I met people, and again, they rather be exclusive. I had to break the ice. I had to get them talking. I had to do this. And then maybe that's pending now. I was just burnt out trying to get them engaging. For example, is it hard to get people to engage? Yes, during COVID? Yeah, yeah. I was the one. I was the glue, mom. From that entire college experience, I was the glue putting everyone together. And I didn't realize it until I left.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Well, that's good though.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Because now you were talking that you're trying to you need to blow your nose.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Okay. So now, so now like the conversation that we had uh on the way to lunch the other day, how you're like, I'm trying to build up my confidence, and I'm like, like in, you know, I'm in the store and somebody's standing behind me, and I'll just turn around and say, Hey, how are you doing? Oh my god, yeah. I mean, that's good though. But I'm glad I'm telling you this. You don't need any confidence. I just think that you just need to, you know, just continue to be who you are, not change who you are. But the whole thing about your university, your experience at university in Oregon is I think that they did chip away at your at your confidence because of what occurred in the small group like settings in your dorm.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Well, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Like they started not including you in things.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

Right?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Well, the thing is you have to understand, I didn't realize I felt so uncomfortable. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Hey, wait, why didn't you tell Ben and Logan?

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Because I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know how to. I'm I'm too modest. Okay. I'm too modest, too innocent to everything.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

You got you and dad raised me very We didn't raise you that modest or that whatever just because we expected good behavior.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Very good behavior, right? Like I fear you and God. That's it. I don't fear you. I don't well, I I honor my parents. I honor my parents very, very well. And by no We didn't beat you though. I didn't you didn't beat me at all. No, no. Very great parents, very I uh honor you and dad every time I go out of the house because whatever I do, or whatever our brothers, whenever my brothers do something, we we represent you in a way of like how you were raised, how you're raised, right? Right. And I wish people kind of have that mindset sometimes when I see people on the street. Like, seriously, like who raised you? Right? Like do you speak to mother?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Right?

SPEAKER_01 16:06

The wolves raise you? So I was okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

So when I'm going back and remember, it wasn't bad against wolves because they're actually beautiful creatures.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

So there's this girl, she was 18, right? I was 24, she's from Utah. This at this was at the university.

SPEAKER_02 16:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

She, I'm like, holy crap, she's a freshman. Like, I invited out one of the guys. I invited him out. He was the one in the freshman. He was like a car guy, really cool. And he told me, like, hey Jeff, can I bring my girlfriend?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

So this is what you didn't tell Ben and Logan.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

I didn't tell Ben or Logan because or us. Because I felt uncomfortable because she apparently liked me, but no one told me. Oh. Right? She wore very revealing clothes. Like, mom, her hands were out. She wore she wore a corset that just bare there's a lot of side. A lot of sides. Okay. And I'm like, I I was dressed very casually, and then we're just going bowling. I paid for this entire thing outing, because again, these are freshmen. No one had fucking money.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Right?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And just like you worked and you had a job.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

I worked, I worked at the cafeteria as a dishwasher.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Wait, wait. Did you not have did you not work? Yeah, I thought you were working at that other that men's.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I worked at Men's Warhouse Fashion Brand. I worked at the a men's fashion brand at the time, along with the dishwashing job at the university.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

So then you didn't have characters at that job.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

So they didn't have so they didn't have jobs on it.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

No, they didn't have any money at the internet. That's like So then you went out bowling.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

So what was embarrassing about that?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Well embarrassing was like every time she was she wanted me to notice her, and I did. And then the thing is, it's just like like I wish Were you worried about the age difference? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Yeah. I mean, obviously if she just turned 18. Yeah. Well, you were 23. Were you 23? 24. 24. Well, yeah, of course it would because she's 18. She just turned 18. It's her first college experience. You're a gentleman. You don't want to take advantage of anything like that. You wanted to make sure. Well, that's not embarrassing.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

And you know what also sucks is that a lot of these freshmen came to me and for advice. And I'm like, I just gave them the most simple advice. I'm like, oh my God, Jeff, I didn't know there were still good men out there. I'm like, well, you'll find someone. Good luck. Good luck, sister.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

All right. But I don't understand how that would be embarrassing.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Maybe I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do with this. Again, that's a suspicion.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Well no, why you wouldn't tell Ben or Logan.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Because for me.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

I mean, I would be like probably like I am now.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Well, it was one of those moments where my memory is kind of covered up because school, they were entering finals. I was just trying to focus on my studies and were you afraid that they might have said at the same time that grandma died too.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

So it was really it was like a lot of my emotions kind of covered it up. It was like a seed covering up a boom.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

That's hard.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Revealing it now. And I'm like, I'm like, what the f like, what the hell? Like, what's what's that going on? Because I didn't tell everyone because I didn't have anything to say and then and like I didn't know how to experience it. And I was trying to hold myself together, trying to finish up my final strong.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

And then like that's how it's like. It's hard when you like you lose, you know, your grandparent. Yeah. Whatever. That's hard. And then this happened. And then of course, I honestly think it was just probably because she was 18 and you were 24 and you were uncomfortable with the age difference because that's one thing that we are we're always like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Whoa, whoa. You say you're 22, but you're not.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

I mean, everyone showed me their fake IDs. Your ID says you're 22, but I don't think you're 13 or more. I'm like, you look, you look 15.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Damn, girl.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah, I know, right? Well, that's No, stay away.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

That was like one of your brothers. I don't know which one. His he yeah, it's bad. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Okay. So, well, that's okay though. I mean, so you moved back down to from Oregon, but that was a good experience. Oh, it helped you. Did it help what's the good things that you got out of that living with other people, strangers?

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Funny stories to tell at the coffee table.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Yeah, but oh, but I also think it helped you read the room more, like sarcasm versus not sarcasm. But then you said it helped it chipped away at your confidence. So how did they chip away at your confidence? And how did that chip?

SPEAKER_01 20:25

I think I I think I used the wrong phrasing because I have a tendency to do that. I don't know. I think I know the phrasing, but I don't. It sounds like it.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

I was burnt out.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I think I I felt chipped away because I feel like I chipped away my own confidence just because I was burnt out of just like people don't want to engage. It is so I I'm like, is this what a parent feels like trying to get their kid out of their room? I don't know. And I um when I when I look at you and dad, I feel so sorry. I'm so sorry that I was a very introverted kid. And when I got out of high school, that's when I was like very out, very open, introducing myself a lot, a lot of confidence.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Um but I think that you realized that you but you were always kind of like you always engaged in conversation with like when you know we got together, me and your dad got together with our friends. You always engaged with conversation with the older friends and the older folk. But I think it's because you connect better with the older population versus your at the time you were what 15, 16, 17, 18. Yeah. I think you just didn't connect with that age group because all I wanted to do was play video games, talk about girls, and do things that would get them in trouble and arrested, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:35

I hung out with in high school, I hung out with the teenagers. The older like seniors. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

When you were fresh. But you were but at the time you were 15 or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I was like 15, yeah, fifteen, sixteen, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

And I think the older pop I think that as you get older, I think pe people become more aware of everybody's differences, right? And so they get they get more accepting of the fact that they have. Differences plus this other person has differences and they're accepting, right? Yeah, I think that that that also I think happens, but then when you're stuck in a dorm with a 22-year-old that you know, a 21-year-old and you're 24, and you're in sales for most of your I was juggling like a lot of things. I'm like, Yeah, but a salesperson, you have to engage anyway in the customer. So that's a normal thing, yeah. But a lot of these kids, they don't have and then with COVID, they you know they missed out on a lot of the stuff. So so what would you say that you were burned out? Burned out on trying to get people to engage. Plus, it was COVID, so you were a lot of people got hit. There's a lot of different emotions around COVID during that time period, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah. What's interesting is that they try some of the sophomores and juniors and freshmen try to pull one on me. I was like, I'm glad that I read the room and was able to have this behavior and skill set to see the manipulation, passive aggressive bullcrap. What were they doing? They were like, oh blah, blah, blah. They're like inviting other people in front of me and not actually inviting me. For what? Like, like going to the beach up in Portland and some like different things, and like, oh, we only have like four people for the car. And I'm like, dude, I can drive.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

You know that, right? I'm like, I have my own car. I didn't get money from daddy and mommy to buy me something. I have my own money, dude. Like, I'm like, at the end of the time, like, oh my God. Of all all the girls, too. Some of the girls literally said, I'm like, hey Jeff, can you drive us to the beach and stuff like that? We don't really feel comfortable with the guys. And I'm like, honestly, I'm sorry, I'm working. Sorry. I like I'm saving up my money for for transferring down to the other university because I just couldn't do it here. And I'm like, I could go to movies, 20 bucks, no problem. Here you go, slap on the table, no problem. And so that's why some of the girls kind of like that because, like, oh my god, this guy has money and he can actually like buy shit. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, the thing is, I'm not buying you anything. Like, you like no. Yeah. So yeah, basically to circle back, they would invite everyone except for me. And they try to use me as a taxi too.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Well, how did that make you feel? And I mean, obviously, crap. A lot of people have gone through this. And here's the thing: a lot of people go through this, and I think that this is this is something that nobody really talks about. Is when you're in a group of people and there's always you know, that group that is, I don't know, and I'm I'm gonna say, I should say, as a as an adult looking back, that I don't think people understand how mean that is. But honestly, I believe that they know how mean they're being when they're excluding somebody, right? So, I mean, I know how I felt when I was growing up because that happened to me, you know, once or twice with, you know, groups of friends that I wasn't really close with, but I was hanging out with them at that time. I know how I felt. So, how did that make you feel knowing that they were deliberately not inviting you?

SPEAKER_01 25:07

I I kind of blow it off, like, all right, cool, because I've I've dealt with that behavior before back in middle school and high school and community college too. So I'm like, they think they're like being better, being like these like cool people. I'm like, guys, grow up.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Yeah. So the moral of the story is stop being mean to people.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Yeah, stop being mean. And then just like, hey, like, don't like if you want to invite someone to something, do it privately, not in front of the person.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Yeah, that you don't.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Like, you don't want to feel them left out. I felt left out at every single moment. And then I had to like it kind of we also had some other people that had some similar interests. There's this one dude I actually found cool friends with a British dude and another hippie dude.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

The hippie dude did not take showers. The guy was cool. He like he always was barefoot.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

And he always jumped out of our window.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

But he was cool and he was nice to you.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Yeah, it was cool, nice, and respectful. Right?

SPEAKER_00 26:07

The guy was very interesting.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

The British dude was too like he kept cussing.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

But what I mean by respectful is he didn't exclude you from anything. He didn't didn't deliberately hurt your feelings like these other younger kids do.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

So what I did was every time he came over, I deliberately got up from my group of people that I usually hang out with. I hang out with him. Oh, good. Not making him feel left over. See? Yeah. And with the same person, I always had time for people. Always. You want to hang out? Let's hang out. Because I know the feeling of being lonely. I know the feeling of people belittling you because you're different. I understand that. Again, I understand why sometimes people kind of avoid some of these other unique characters, but I always like to know what's your story.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Right? Not like sitting down and actually dissecting them, not interviewing them, but actually sitting down to lunch trying to engage with people, right? Not like hanging out with them, like, oh, I'm bored. I'm gonna hang out with you because you're like a filling up a spot. No, I'm gonna hang out with you because you are my friend and I care about you. I didn't give them money. No, no, I earned that. I'm sorry. You need to get a job, go go get money.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

I'm like, to the that's your dad coming out.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Like, go get a job, please. I worked since I was 13 years old with my with my grandparents at the apartment complex.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Yeah.

unknown 27:26

God.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

No, that's true. No. So like I think that this conversation is good. And I think, and I'm glad that we had it because you've, you know, I think that you've been holding this in, not holding it in, but I'm glad that you got it out because a lot of kids or parents, if they're listening, they have kids that are neurodivergent that are planning on going away to school. And the fact that, you know, it it's not that shouldn't be a they shouldn't be afraid, they should go in it with all gusto, right? Like you did. And it was actually a good experience overall because it sounds like you've met a lot of really nice people.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

You know, you met a lot of people that were, you know, really cool to hang out with. And there are some, and I think that's everywhere in the world. I mean, you meet somebody and you're like, yeah, you know, my cup of tea, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Because you're mean or because of whatever. And then you meet that person that is good friends and whatever. I think that's good. Yeah, that's awesome. Perfect. Okay. So I think we're done for today. Yes. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you for joining us on Laughing Through the Uncomfortable. And join us next week when Jeff's gonna talk about something, a circumstance that happened with a girl, a girl, two girls who are his friends, and then something that happened after that and how weird it is, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Super weird.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Yeah. Okay. Well, catch us next week again, Laughing Through the Uncomfortable. Thank you for joining us. This is Julie.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

And this is Jeff.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Have a great week.