“You Embarrassed Me”… and Eight Months Later...

In this episode of Laughing Through the Uncomfortable, Julie and Jeff unpack a friendship situation that’s been sitting heavy for months: a night out with two friends, a comment that Jeff “embarrassed” someone… and then radio silence for eight months. The conversation highlights the complexities of relationships and the necessity of addressing difficult topics directly to foster understanding and connection.

Jeff shares what happened, how it felt to hear the feedback secondhand, and why unclear communication can hit harder when you’re neurodivergent and already working overtime to “read the room.” Julie offers real-world mom advice: when to address it directly, when to keep it polite, and how to protect your peace without burning bridges.

If you’ve ever been left confused by mixed signals, ghosted friendships, or people who avoid hard conversations, this one will feel very familiar.

Listen now—and tell us: do you text back… or let it go?

Takeaways

• Communication is key in friendships to avoid misunderstandings.
• It's important to express feelings directly rather than talking behind someone's back.
• Understanding social cues can be challenging for some individuals.
• Friendship dynamics can change based on shared experiences and communication.
• Difficult conversations are necessary for maintaining healthy relationships.
• Being honest about feelings can prevent future conflicts.
• It's okay to seek advice from trusted friends when navigating social situations.
• Recognizing the value of friendships can help in decision-making.
• Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in interpersonal relationships.
• Taking time to reflect on friendships can lead to personal growth.
  
  
  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Laughing Through the Uncomfortable with Julie.

SPEAKER_02 0:04

And Jeff.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Your oldest son. Okay, so thank you for joining us this week. So last week when we ended our podcast, we had talked about pop talking about an incident that happened to Jeff during that week that we had already we already scheduled that other podcast on the conversation we're gonna have because we wanted to circle around to the other school issues that you talked about a few weeks ago. So I didn't we didn't want to leave that out there hanging. If any of you are following the podcast. But this week, I think we're gonna cover that incident. And I think that Jeff, you were gonna describe, you know, first of all, I need you need to describe like who these who these girls are that you know, your friends and and you know, the whole background so everybody understands. Yes. And then what happened, and then the other thing that just happened, and then we're gonna talk about it, and I'm gonna try and give you advice on what you should do once I hear the whole story. Because I told you to save it for the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

You're like, mom, I gotta talk to you about this. Like, nope, we gotta save it.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah, it's been on my chest for a few days. And so Slen, you if if anyone hears any background noise of like chewing or inching, we have two doggos in the back on the bed right now. They're sleeping. One of the older ones is layering at me. I just hope they just stay quiet. But again, if you hear anything like that. But the story was Yeah, it's their dog.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

It's their bed, by the way. It's the doggo's bed. It's their dog, it's their doggo bed that he's talking about.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Love, love, love these dogs. So the story, how it started was I met these two women. They're they are actually a little bit older than me. I met them through different jobs I have had in the fashion industry around the same area or the in the same mall. So one man in the first woman was the manager at this fashion brand that I used to work at. She was like a year older than me, but I thought she was like the coolest person in the room. She was very mature for her age, just really ambitious. And the other one was friends with this girl. And just for clarity's sake, I have friend A and friend B for this conversation. So no one will get off track here. So I worked with friend A.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Well, why don't we say A's name is Abby?

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

And B's name is Beatrice.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Beatrice.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

B. B. Beatrice. We'll just say B as then B. So Abby and B.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Abby and B. Okay. So it sounds like a cool slogan. So yeah. So I worked with Abby that worked at this fashion brand for a couple of years. I worked under her. She was fantastic. Then B was working at another fashion brand in the same area of the mall. And we got together and it was cool, but I kind of lost in touch for with Abby for at least a good four years. But we had that good kinship. She was like a mentor. She was really cool finding out what I can. She literally told me advice like what I should do next and stuff like that. And then when I worked for my current fashion brand job right now, that's how I re-inkanged with B.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

So you reconnect with B.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

With B. Uh sh her.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Did she work nearby?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Yes, she worked nearby at the other women's fashion brand. And apparently her family member shopped at my store. Oh, okay. So that's how we can reconnect. I'm like, oh small world. I'm like, all right, cool. A family member was like removed twice or something like that, but still It's still a small world. Still still small world. And then all right, fast forwarding, I've been friends with him for almost like two years now. And me and B, we go. Well, well well, first of all, clarity, Abby is 29 or 30, and then B is, I believe, 40 to 41.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Okay. So you hang out with B.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

I hang out with B, but not as much because she kind of had this cat and mouse thing with me, like when hanging out. Like seemed like there was always an incident, there's always an excuse, something happens, but that's a different story. So we I got a phone call from Abby about checking in. But context of what happened was eight months ago, Abby and B inviting me going out to eat. So this is the incident that this is the incident that happened eight months ago.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Unfortunately, being hang out with multiple different women, like I could build, I know how women think and act, and then how they are behind the scenes. And it sucks. But sometimes it's cool, sometimes it's not. You know, it depends on the characters you hang out with.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yeah, yeah. So you were meeting for dinner eight months ago. Eight months ago, dinner and Abby that were waiting for B, or was you and B waiting for Abby?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

So it was me, so Abby picked me up from Bart. She drove us to the restaurant. I just got off a really busy hard shift, and I just want to have some fun. I just want, I just want some wine just to relax and just talk and just talk tea with my friends. And B was finishing up her shift and then she finally met. But the thing is, and apparently I was being goofy and just being my true self. I was a bit, I was a bit a little theoretical, but the thing is I could be myself around these people because I trust them. Yeah. I'm not usually theoretical. I'm not very like, oh my god. She felt embarrassed. Apparently, Abby felt embarrassed. And and I'm like, and I said, I'm like, I'm like, okay. And I didn't know about this until B toned me after the restaurant. So I was acting goofy in front of her, just trying to make her laugh. Because again, I thought Abby was cute.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Right? She's an attractive woman. And but she's your friend. She's my friend. And I had a little crush on her.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Okay. But again, it's more like admiration.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

Right? I was just being myself, and then we sat, and then all throughout the night, I was just being like what is this? Like one of my favorite characters from one of my shows that I like to watch. Very like. Can we talk about shows on this show? On this podcast? Like characters.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

It's from Shits Creek, David.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

Yeah, I love David.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Yeah, so do I. Everybody does.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Love David.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Shout out to the actor. Love you. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

Sometimes when I hang out with my friends, I act like David a little bit. Yeah. Because I can like that's I like- You could be yourself. Yeah, I can be my I like being a little feminine. Yeah. Just a little bit, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

Yeah. Abby told me.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

That's who you are.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

That's who you are in general.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Yeah. I mean, that's that's who I'm in general. I can be feminine and masculine at different points, but I'm always meet.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Why does it have to, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

I don't like these tags, but I know.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

I hate labels. I fucking hate labels. Which is why we didn't label you growing up. Like we just, you didn't labeled with your your disabilities. We didn't label you there. I don't like labels. Labels are bad. I think labels put people in boxes that shouldn't be put. I just I think it's bad.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

So be who you are, right? Be who you are.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Be who you are.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Be proud of who you are. Yes. Right? I mean, God made you here to put be on purpose on earth. You're an individual. We're not all the same. Thank God. Because if we were all the same, we'd be boring. So yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

So we're at the booth. Abby was, we're it's the same conversation. They talk about like, oh, what's your love life? And all that.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

It's the same.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

It's the same conversation. I got a little bored of the conversations, but sometimes like she's like, oh blah blah blah. She showed me like she's on a one, she's on a dating app. She tells me my thing is, like, I say, I'm like, maybe you're being too picky here. Like, look, I understand women empowerment and stuff like that, but sometimes there's a good guy out there. She told me that she went out with it with a firefighter. Like, oh my God, my family is the medical field and so forth. And I'm like, great firemen are awesome. They're they're great fire.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Firefighters are awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

They risk their lives and they bring home a lot of money.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, firefighters are awesome.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

They're awesome. And I'm like, apparently, she told me about this experience. Like, oh, blah, blah, blah. Like, I remember she told me that she didn't like him because he was something about not meeting her standard. I'm like, what am I doing? No, it's not meaning her standard.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

He saves lives for a living. She sells never mind.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Either I don't well, apparently Abby's doing something else. I don't really care. But honestly, she's It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

So this happened on that dinner.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

And then So fast forward how many weeks when you found out that you actually weren't that that when B told you that you embarrassed Abby?

SPEAKER_02 9:30

So I went out, we went, me and B went out to this awesome club.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

How soon after that interview?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I was like a couple weeks, and then she Abby drove me back to the B. B, sorry, B drove me back to the bar station after the club. Again, I hate loud noises. I just I I sacrifice my well-being to be with friends. But honestly, at that after that night, I cannot handle loud noises. I can't handle like loud. I can't handle loud noises.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Okay, so wait. So you were at dinner with B and Abby.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

And then that went, and then after that, a couple weeks later, you and B went out to a club to hang out and all of that. Yes. So was that when B told you that you embarrassed Abby?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yes. Abby felt that I embarrassed her, and I asked B, I'm like, what do you mean? Why did I how did I how did I embarrass Abby?

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Yeah. And what did she say?

SPEAKER_02 10:34

I'm still trying to remember. Apparently, she didn't like my character, right? She didn't she hated that I felt she like, like, oh, a table for Abby, right? I'm like, oh my God, I'm I'm Abby, blah, blah, blah. Being faking her, just being funny. Yeah. I like to make her laugh, right? Making people like, oh my god, that's so awesome. She just felt like she's very introverted.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Yeah. And you embarrassed her? Yeah, apparently. For doing that.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

She thought I wasn't a frat. I was always when I hang out with her, I was not.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

He was annoying.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

I know he was annoying. Fucking dog.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Okay. Alright. So to clarify, okay, so you and Abby. So B and you went out a couple weeks later. Yes. And that's when B told you that Abby was embarrassing. Yes. Or you were embarrassing Abby. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

And that news to me kind of hit hard.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

And so how did she how did you embarrass her?

SPEAKER_02 12:04

Just she thought I was in a frat. She thought I was a different person.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Well, how were you acting?

SPEAKER_02 12:09

I was I always hung out with Abby with a hoodie and my beat up vans. And just really like a dude. Right? She met me on a very like she oh we always hung out when I had a really hard day at work. When I were really like just I did not, I just like F the world. Right? I just want have I just want wine in my hand or a beer in my hand just to just like that. And apparently that's the guy like she likes.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Apparently she wants a dude that isn't she just wants someone who is apparently toxic.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Okay, so B said, did you embarrass Dabby?

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Yeah. And I'm like, I told I told B that I'm like, look, I'm not this frat boy that she thinks I am. She probably still, she probably misheard what I said a couple years ago. Like, I was still trying to find myself. I was probably in imposter syndrome in my work. Right? I was still trying to find myself.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah. I was in like well, that's not imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome, that that's the wrong terminology. Wrong terminology. So imposter syndrome is you don't believe that you you belong where you are because, like, say you're a CEO of a company and you're you have an imposter syndrome because you don't believe that you've earned being the CEO, even though you have, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Whereas you were trying to maybe say that you were you just gotten transferred back from Oregon, right? And now you graduated and now you're working because you met them in your other job before you moved. So that was like two years ago. And you're just trying to find yourself back in sales and that kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yeah. And you know what?

SPEAKER_02 13:55

I mean, all of us are sometimes we do things that are what I'm confused about is that where did she get the idea where like I look like I'm like a frat guy?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Oh, because you were acting all macho or something like that. Like, you weren't acting macho. You weren't at all.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

No, I wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

You were saying that you were like, you know, you were just being a little trying to burn off steam and being a little loud. But you know, you're loud.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

I'm a loud general.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

Well, you can be loud when you get emotional because your your tone and your your inside volume sometimes doesn't, you know, is a little bit louder. But that's just normal for you. And I think that's your neurodivergence with your with your speech issue and your auditory processing and your hearing, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

So I I just I but you're always that way. So I don't understand how that would be different than how this was.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Well, it was happened a long time. It happened a long ago. Yeah. And it's hard to remember what exactly what she was.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

So what happened then was she called you.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Yeah, she left a voice.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Now, have you talked to B or Abby since this time?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

No, the thing is, like, my friendship with them are kind of on the rocks because when I try to hang out with B, she seems like she like I always like when she texts me, hey, you want to hang out. So I'm like, all right, cool, let's hang out. Let's hang out on Sunday. Right? We both we both work close by. We can take Bart and just hop to the club, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

And when I oh when I ask her on the day of when the day I'm like, hey, do you still want to meet? She always texts me, sorry Jeff, I'm really tired. Blah blah blah. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm a very understandable person, but the thing is, I'm a manager. I have to deal with a lot more.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

If that happens once, you get it. If it happens twice, maybe but it happens multiple times, three, four, five, six times.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Like she had B had cancer.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Oh. Well, maybe she's not can't.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

It's not a killing cancer.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Cancer's cancer, though.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Cancer's cancer. But the thing's I felt bad for her. I'm like, she wanted some time to rest, and I kind of kept I didn't keep my distance. I can't.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Cancer's cancer.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Yeah, and she had an issue and all that.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

It's not a killing cancer.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Sorry, my bad. Cancer's cancer. Cancel cancer is bad in general. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

No, but it's funny because I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

She it was something had that had to do with it.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

It's okay. You don't have to get find it.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

I I don't understand it. She didn't really tell me, but she told me she had to do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

It's her own personal thing.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Yeah. And I told him, like, hey, how are you feeling? I'm like, are you able to just hang out to get some wine or to get a drink or something like that, right? Coffee. And she says, No, unfortunately, I'm not. Like, all right, cool.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Well, you know, maybe she's going through her own thing. Yeah, she's fighting, you know, she told me she's battling her the cancer.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

And then her own social, and she probably doesn't want anybody. I mean, I know that, you know, coming from a family, as you know, where we have a lot of cancer in our family, you know, you don't want to people look at you differently once they kind of see you as having cancer, even though that's I think that's how people feel. But I don't, I don't know. Um and this is not a psychological podcast. We're not getting into that. So she has done that. So since that time, though, you've tried to hang out with B, but she cancelled because of fatigue or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

And then I understand that. That was a month. That was a month, solid month. I'm like, all right, cool. I'll keep my distance. Yeah. Then two weeks later, I checked in, like, hey, how are you feeling? I'm feeling good. I'm like, all right, cool. And then I text B. I'm like, hey, do you want to hang out? Because I want to see you. She usually does the text, and then I texted her, I'm like, you want to hang out? Like, yeah. And then I texted her the same thing. And she's like, Oh, I can't. Like, okay. I sprained my ankle on Bart.

unknown 17:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

I'm like, that was that week. And then next week, and then she's just, it's this, it's this.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

So you got the hint that you don't know that they don't want to hang out.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

I just stopped, I just stopped texting her.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

I don't blame you. I would too.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

She does send me things on my disc on my little discussion posts, things of messages that I get. I always like send her a heart and stuff like that. I'm like, hey, I'm like, hey, you. I'm like, oh hey, you too. Like, we're just we're we're in the ether. Yeah. We're just communicating. And then she had she wishing just celebrated a thing, an event, and then she's like, hey, I'm doing this event at this club. I'm like, you know what? I wish I can go, but I have homework.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

I'm sorry. I'm like, thank you so much for the invite, but I have something going on. I wasn't, I was being vague, but I had homework. I'm like, you wanna and then I said But you weren't rude. You were rude and like she sent me a heart, sent me a heart, and then so that I'm like, cool. And then a week later.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

So this is eight months since the dinner.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

And then you and B have been kind of been keeping in touch. Yeah, keeping in touch, right? But Abby But this happened last week.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Happened last week. Then Abby has not communicated me.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

At all. At all. For eight months. At all. And I'm like, ghosted you.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Done. Look, we're there. We can text each other. The thing is, like, back forward a year ago, I try to hang out with her again. Yeah. This is a year, this is a year ago. I tell them, hey, you want, you want to get some, you want to get some drinks, just you and me.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

After the after the embarrassment thing with the before. Oh, before. Before.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

Just to give some context about Abby. She is very difficult to hang out with, to begin with.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

To get her even nailed down.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

She always wants, she always wants a third person there. She always wants to. And then apparently, like, and then that's when that's when B told me too. It's like it's like really hard to talk to her too, stuff like that. And I'm like, cool. But they have a very close relationship. Yeah. Like, okay. But this literally last week, like not even not last week, three days ago.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

When I was at work, Abby sent me a voice message.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Okay. She called you and and left a message.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Left a message. And B was there too.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

In the voice message, she said, Hey, me and B are hanging out. Just checking in and who are we miss you. We'd love to hang out.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

And I'm like, And then back to me, and I'm like, why are you calling me?

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Okay, but to clarify, here the voice message, because you played it for me.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Was like, hey, this is Abby. Me and B are hanging out. We were talking about you and we miss you. And we think we just want to check in and see how you're doing. Yeah. And just like maybe get together with you later. We just miss you. We, you know, what's going on with you? We just want to check in. Yeah. Okay. But you haven't heard from her since the bat since the eight months. So do you think B told her what you told?

SPEAKER_02 20:47

I I can't assume anything.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

About and and then she's like, oh shoot, maybe that's why he hasn't called me or anything.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Well, when I was driving home from Bart, I all these emotions you and my work bestie.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

I told her told my work bestie, and then she's like, oh, F that girl.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Well, here's the thing. And I okay, here's the thing. I understand how you're feeling. So get correct me if I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

So when somebody like says that you embarrass them, it makes you feel bad because you're like, how did I embarrass them? And you just feel really bad. And then you thought they were your friends. And then it was like, if they're your friend, they could kind of tell you, hey, calm down, you're kind of embarrassing at the moment. Yeah. I thought they would come to me. Or yeah. No, the thing is, what I'm upset.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

That's what I'm upset about. Like, if you if I embarrass you, I don't understand social cues. They know I have disabilities. Yeah. B knows. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

And she Why didn't they just tell you right then and there, hey, you're embarrassed.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

I wish you keep your voice down. I wish Abby just told me. Yeah. Right? I'm like, hey, but the thing is, I tell them, like, hey, I have I don't I don't understand Soju Q sometimes. Yeah. My brain doesn't understand some things. But the thing is, people rather be rigid. And spread rumors behind my back, then actually face the real like, hey, Jeff.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Well, a lot of times people have a hard time having hard conversations. In general. For me, I'm not, I won't get upset. I like criticism. No, I know, but maybe Abby has a hard time having a hard conversation because I mean, think about it, right? Like, it's sometimes people have a have a really, really hard time having hard conversations.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

And I can think of they don't like conversations.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

I can start, I can think of a few people offhand right now that are not my friends. They're not my friends. They were coworkers. And they just, even when like you talk to them and go, hey, blah, blah, blah, they avoid having, like, they run out of the room like, you know, scorched earth, like, you know, just gone, fire in their place of how fast they ran out of the room because they don't want to have a hard conversation.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Yeah, they don't want to communicate.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

So maybe Abby just has maybe Abby is just one of those people that have a hard time having a hard conversation. And maybe she did thought she you would hurt her feelings as I mean, hurt your feelings as opposed to You should hear about our dating life. Okay, no, we're not this is not an Abby fashion session. So, okay, so this is my advice. So your bestie at work said, never mind, just ignore it, delete the message, don't respond.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Yeah. She she she's awesome. I love my work, Bestie. Yeah. She like literally teaches me everything in social cues about girls my age and younger. So it's nice. She actually helped me match with a lot of girls on a dating app, too. She sometimes helps me pick out girls on my dating app too. It was a fun little But that's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

How could you never show me your dating app? I want to pick out girls on your dating app. I could pick out good ones for you. I guarantee you, I bet you you had to let me. Let me. We gotta do that.

SPEAKER_02 23:48

Another time. That'll be another episode. That'll be an episode of matchmaking with mom.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Oh, matchmaking with mom. And then we can invite your daddy.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

So oh god.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Yeah, you'll be like.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

That'll be an interesting story. But what's your advice on what should I do?

SPEAKER_00 24:03

So here so first I have a few questions to ask you. Number one, how valuable is their friendship to you? Do they bring any value at all in your life?

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Honestly, no.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Before this whole eight-month embarrassment thing came out.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

It was valuable because it was valuable. It was valuable to me because I cherished their friendship. It was more of like a spiritual friendship. Like I can talk to them.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Okay. Right. So I guess what I'm saying is after this thing happened, this was kind of like a crushing blow to you. And you thought that they she was different than she is.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

So maybe it's worth texting her back, both of them back in a group text.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Hey, got your message. Yeah, hanging out. You know, school started again, one more semester left. Yeah. It was great hearing. You got it's great hearing from you. I hope everything is great. And let me know if you're available or I'd love to go hang out anytime, right? And then if they do text you to go hang out, then you just say, let's do coffee. And that is when you choose to have that hard conversation with both of them and say, you know what, Abby, I understand that I embarrassed you last time we were out. I wish you would have told me when that happened. And then she'll be like, What do you mean? No, no, you didn't embarrass me. And then you're gonna, and that I mean, that's what that's how I would handle it. Um, or you can just put it all behind you, right? And say, okay, put this in your little back of your head, text them and go, hey, got your message, everything is great. You know, yeah, let's, you know, whenever you're available, let's hang out. And you just put it away. Don't ever bring it up and just hang out with them, but no, keep in the back of your mind that you, you know, I don't know. I know how I would handle it. Well, the thing is And I would text and then ask, you know, and if they got together, then I would I would actually talk to Abby about being honest with me, right? Like, you gotta be honest. If this is gonna be, if we're gonna be friends, we have to be honest with each other. And please, I felt bad that I embarrassed you. You need to let me know if I'm embarrassing you because you know how I am. You know how I talk. Sometimes my voice raises without me knowing it.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

And I need you to tell me that I'm talking a little loud. Yeah, you're not hurting my feelings, right? Like maybe that you need to do that, or they're not valuable at all.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

They're not valuable at all.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

And you don't, you just texted politely and say, Hey, got your voice message. Thanks. I'll, you know, keep everything is great. Yeah, everything is great. I hope everything's good with you, and that's it.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Well, there's a that's some awesome advice, and I'll keep that, I'll keep all those in mind.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

You're gonna go with your work besties. Just ignore it, delete it, don't ever no.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Everyone's gonna be viable advice, and motherly advice always works.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Have you asked your dad?

SPEAKER_02 26:51

I'm actually, I kind of want to ask dad.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

You should ask dad. I wonder what dad would do. I don't know what dad would say. Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 26:57

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

No, I think if he was home right now, I'd call him in right now and you'd join the podcast right now. Special guest for the last five minutes. What what would dad do?

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Yeah, dad, dad can give some good advice along with you too.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Things just to consider, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah. I don't know. You only have to do what's right for you. And like I said, you gotta see if it, you know, does their friendship before the eight months did it bring any value to your life? Are they worth talking to and having that hard conversation? If they are, then do it. Have that hard conversation. But if they just bring drama to your life and you know, then maybe it's not worth it. Yeah. Right. But you don't want to burn a bridge because it sounds like Abby is the kind of person that may have, you know, you don't want to burn that bridge. You never want to burn a bridge.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

I don't want to burn a bridge with B. I don't want to because she is she is a fantastic person. I do cherish our friendship. But the thing is, she's been going through a lot of stuff. And I kind of want to just like, hey, check in here and there. But again, school, school, school, like school and working full-time kind of gets me, and they understand that.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

But I will I will text them back. I'll text Abby back when I feel like, hey, I got your voice message. But that's it. I'm like, hey, wish best wishes, right? But the thing is, like, there's a lot, there's a lot to consider.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

A lot.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

And I don't understand why people have such a hard time having hard conversations face to face. You know, I've noticed over the years now that a few of my friends, well, you know, not even friends, but are they now acquaintances? Now they're they're now acquaintances.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

They got deranked.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

They got deranked.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Got booted.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

They weren't even out. They're not even acquaintances anymore. They actually got booted. No, because they can't have our conversations. You know, and if you know who I am and who are and you know who you are, Jeff, you think that Abby would have known that she could have talked to you.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

Yeah, just tell me in that moment, just call me or have a conversation about it. But again, I've never met anyone in my friend groups that actually call me on my shit except for my work bestie at work. I well, first of all, I absolutely adore my work bestie. The thing is, she's moving away, and I'm like, I'm so sad.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

How far away is she going?

SPEAKER_02 29:19

Oh, she's going back to her family now on the East Coast.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

And I think that's kind of my fault because she told me like she hated California. And she, and then I told her, I'm like, hey, do you you obviously hate California because most of the things that she told me was about the men in California just suck. And I believe her, but there always are some exceptions. But she's like, she just she's moving back because of her family. And she What part of the East Coast? Upper New England. Oh, okay. New there, like Virginia and stuff like that. Okay. She told me like she's like doing a Hail Mary. Like she she has so much limited funds. She's doing she's doing this, and I've like, and I said, like, look, you say you this is like last year back in August.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

So that's a conversation for another time. But yeah, it's it's it's sad that she's going away at the end of February. And we and we just hired someone else, and the kid has no idea about menswear. And I'm like, God damn it.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

What's okay? You could be a mentor.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yeah, I can mentor. Even my boss told me, like, hey, I need you to train this guy. And I'm like, all right, cool. Can we like push him around and help him out a little bit? Because I was trained much differently. So Ben again, this is a whole different story. So, hey, new new episodes with a young Gen Z. Well, I'm I'm older Gen Z, but I still find myself millennial. How I was raised.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

You're on the cus.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

I'm on the cus. I still identify as millennial, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

It all depends on which Google that you talk about.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Yeah, so other things to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

All right. Well, until next time, this is that's uh that's it for today. Maybe next week you can give us a final what you decided to do, text or not text, reach out or not reach out to them. Um yeah, let us know how that goes. It's a difficult situation all the way around.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

You know. I I'm uh I'm at fault because I don't like concentration either, but I do I do have a tendency to call people on their shit. Sometimes I just walk away.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Okay, wait. You do like you, you you have no problem having difficult conversations. Confrontation's different than difficult conversations.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Oh, okay, that makes sense. Right. See on social coups here.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Confrontation is like you put too much milk in my coffee to the barista. I need you to, you know, give me a new one. Versus a difficult conversation is like you're like Abby did at dinner. She should have said, Hey Jeff, you're talking a little loud.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:50

That is that difficult conversation of hey, right. I mean, right? So that's the difference. And you're fine with uncomfortable conversations.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

I am when I get over it.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Yeah. Well, we talk through it. And yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

It's like it's like it's it's like water under the bridge after the conversation's done. Like, hey, are we good? Are we are we square? Are we not square? I'm like, maybe we should still sit down and have a con. We need you if you still have things on your chest, you need to let it out because I am not leaving this room until you feel better about this, right? That's that's just how I was right.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

Exactly.

unknown 32:24

I know, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:25

All right. Well, thank you for joining us on this episode of Laughing Through the Uncomfortable with Julie and Jeff. And we'll catch you next week. Yeah, so have a great week.