Dean Winchester, Negative Nancy & the Voice in Your Head

We got an email from a listener after our last episode asking us to go deeper on the inner voice conversation and honestly she was right because we barely scratched the surface 😂

So this week on Laughing Through the Uncomfortable we went ALL the way in 

Julie finally opens up about her imposter syndrome and admits her inner voice is less of a cheerleader and more of a negative Nancy who needs to find a new place to live 😂 Jeff goes deeper into his inner voice — Dean Winchester is still showing up and apparently he is the same guy everywhere whether it is a date a job interview or a rescheduled meeting that keeps getting pushed back 😂

We also get into something that does not get talked about enough — how neurodiversity and ADD affect the inner voice and what it actually feels like when your nervous system gets overstimulated and you just need to get out. Plus code switching — is it just a new label for something we have all been doing our whole lives?

And we both make a commitment at the end that our listeners can make too 🎯

If your inner voice has ever told you that you are not good enough smart enough or worth someone's time — this one is for you ❤️

Got a topic you want us to go deeper on? Email us at laughingthroughuncomfortable@gmail.com — we read every single one 🎙️

New episodes every two weeks. Follow us on Spotify, iHeart, and Apple Podcasts!

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hey everyone and welcome back to Laughing Through the Uncomfortable. This is Julie.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

And Jeff.

SPEAKER_04 0:05

So before we get started today, we actually had a listener email us a question about wanting us to go more in depth with our inner voices, which is interesting because we did. We only scratched the surface last last week or last couple weeks ago. We only talked about it for like five minutes, I think, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Yeah, like five did seven. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:27

Yeah. So thank you for that listener for reaching out to us. Uh she emailed us at laughingthroughuncomfortable at gmail.com. So if any of our listeners would like us to touch on another subject that you heard in a previous episode, you can always email us and ask us to retouch on it and we can go into more depth, especially if you would like to have more information on it. So today I think we're going to go into Jeff's inner voice. I think we all have one and mine as well, because um I think it's important to have everybody know that that's kind of a normal thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Yeah, have an inner voice and have multiple different filters before you speak to other people.

SPEAKER_04 1:04

Yeah. And I think my inner voice needs a new place to live at this point. But okay, so here we go. So I I think we're gonna do um is talk about my inner voice. I have an inner voice, and I think I alluded to it last time about uh having imposter syndrome. And I think Jeff, you were surprised that I had imposter syndrome.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Yeah, I think I s I think I s I have a little imposter syndrome. Still I have to kind of burn and and get rid of.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

Yeah, everybody has imposter syndrome. So I think I hear my inner voice most times when I'm having like a hard day, whether it be at work and I have a lot of stuff going on and I need to get through a lot of things. Like a normal inner voice. And it is one of those things where I try and be positive, but of course, inner voices sometimes are negative. What you were saying, the book was a bully and all of that kind of stuff. I don't think my inner voice is more of a bully. It's more, but it's not a positive inner voice.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Well, it's it's very simple when people come from a very negative environment. That has an effect on the internal mind too. It's like there's this whole study about external bleeding into the internal. It's just whole studies about this. But yeah, it's very interesting. How you can have a cheerleader mindset, or you can have a more competitive mindset or a very bullying voice, like it's like fuels by your anxiety or your other negative emotions to fears of fear of doing anything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:50

Well, I know. So like uh yeah. And and I think that when sometimes I don't think my inner voice has ever stopped me from doing anything. Other than, okay, other than going on a cruise. Yes, my inner voice is absolutely not. And I think that that's because I don't want to be trapped on a boat or a ship out at sea. I want to be able to get off when I want to get off.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yeah, there's things in an ocean that will eat you, Mom.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

Yes, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Yeah, I you don't need to have an inner voice of realizing like, no, a boat trapped in the middle of the sea with very obnoxious people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

No, they're all nice. They're all they're all God, no, they're all alcohols.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

I can't stand I can't stand being around people long and three hours. I do not, I do not like cruises.

SPEAKER_04 3:32

It's because you're in sales. Yeah. And you start to not like being around people.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

Eight hours, five days a week. Oh yeah, I need my peace.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Yeah, I hear you. And uh the thing is like, so my inner voice, okay, imposter syndrome. I don't sometimes I don't feel like I have earned where I am in my career or right. And so I'm sometimes I question, you know, what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, especially if I'm in meetings with, say, like my chief or my dean of the department, and I like want to talk about something. My inner voice is like, Well, I don't know. Is this is this a stupid subject? Are you I do I you sound, do you sound like you actually know what you're talking about? Or or are these people going to say, uh, we need to fire her because she has no idea what she's talking about?

SPEAKER_02 4:21

So that so imposter syndrome got a new phenomenon known in my generation, and Gen Z, I've been I'm hearing about all this crap is called code switching.

SPEAKER_04 4:31

What is that?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Code switching is basically a more evolved version of imposter syndrome, is when you have to literally switch your personalities, switch to different interactions to basically survive in your environment. It's known as cold switching. Code switching, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:49

Okay, it's the switch your personalities.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Oh yeah, it is so mensally draining. I used to do it, I didn't realize this there was a phenomenon name for this, but it was so, so immensely draining. And I when I'm revisiting all this in high school and middle school, I'm like, holy shit. I was an imposter syndrome. I had code switching because and all this, I'm like, yeah, I think you I think you were code switching.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

I'm not code switching.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

No, no. At your at the work, at your whatever.

SPEAKER_04 5:19

I think but here's the thing about that. I don't think that I know people are like, we need a label for everything. Now this new label code switching.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Puts things in a box.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

It does put things in a box. However, sometimes we things don't fit in a box. I don't think anybody out there ever is the same person at work that they are at home.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

You know, you know what's weird? I'm going to show you a quote from an interviewer with the famous rapper from GQ.

SPEAKER_04 5:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

So this famous rapper, the interviewer said, Why are you so famous? Why, like, why are you so famous? And it's like the interviewer said, and like, I had to code switch and stuff like that. And I knew that I knew the interviewer was Gen Z. Yeah. Basically, my age was like 29, 28, somewhere around there. And this famous rapper said, I'm being myself. If if someone doesn't like me who I am, then they can fuck off.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

And I'm like, I those from those words of that rapper really spoke to me, and it really was amazing.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

Well, yeah, I mean, I I 100% agree with that rapper. I 100% agree with them. But back to the thing. I mean, I don't think anybody out there is the same person they are at home that they are at work, right? We're more reserved at work. I mean, especially like for you, you're in sales, so you have to be a little bit more outgoing, but you have to be more professional. You can't cuss and swear, you know, you can't, you know what I'm saying? You can't roll your eyes, you can't shake your head, you can't give your resting bitch face look, right? Right. I mean, whereas home.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

My manager finds my manager finds that funny. I still do it after I practice in the mirror. Okay, we're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about that later on.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

I practice, I practice, but yeah, later on.

SPEAKER_04 7:02

Yeah, we're well, because I want to talk about your your inner voice more in depth, but um but yeah, so like for me, my I think it's just my imposter syndrome is it it's always been there, and I and I don't know why. And I think most of us are, and you know, because I mean I was a paramedic by the time I was 20, right? Yes, and well, 21. I just had my 21st birthday and I was a paramedic.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

And you're also a mother too at the time.

SPEAKER_04 7:28

No, I wasn't a mom.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 7:29

Not when I was 21.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

No, 23, never mind.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

No, not even. That's young. Anyway, it doesn't matter. The point being is even when I was 21, right? And here I'm a paramedic, and I have I'm on scene. And at the time, firefighters were not paramedics. They were just, you know, basic EMTs, or they were not even that. They were advanced first responder, I think. And here I am, a 21-year-old directing these men who are older, men and women who are older than me, some of them 30 years older than me. And I'm like, what am I doing? I'm right. So I think it started early on that, but obviously you just did it, you did your job. But uh, that is one thing that as I got older, I learned not to listen to the voice, right? Even though, like now when I'm in meetings, yes, my voice, my inner voice is saying, Don't ask that question. You're gonna sound stupid or or you're gonna get fired. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Right. Don't overshare. It will save a life.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

Or don't it's not about sharing, it's about saying asking a question about something.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

If you ask a question, if you overshare, it honestly can save your life or your career or anyone else around you. True. I think I think your voice saved your ass. I don't know. That's how I see it.

SPEAKER_04 8:35

No, that's good. So then we go into so you were saying last week or two weeks ago that your your voice is you you said your voice was a cheerleader, but it was like Dean Winchester of the Supernatural. Oh, yeah, straight up. So I don't even know what kind of voice mine is.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

I mean, I don't have like a put a personality, persona, and I think it's fun. I I don't care if it's crazy, it's fun.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

Yeah, I don't have that persona.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

No, I don't have like that, you know, whether or not it's self-reflecting, sit around and just smoke a whole bunch of weed and just basically figure out who who are you? Who are you? I'm like, I'm gonna wrench. Who are you talking to? My God, really? I'm like, yeah, straight up. I'm like, you should do it. It's awesome. I did it one time.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

Wait, wait, you sat around, you smoked weed, and you figured out it was Dean. No, you don't smoke.

unknown 9:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

No, like I had an edible. This was years ago, and I already knew. Like, this is a time when I ate edibles and it was amazing. Okay. It was I took too many, I took, I took two too many edibles, and it was amazing. I laid on my bed and I was like, who are you? Well, apparently Supernatural is playing in the background, and I'm like, Yep, it's Dean Winchester.

SPEAKER_04 9:43

That's funny. I'm like, yeah. So with you and Dean, yeah. And you and you had meant you had made mention that you were reading a book that helped on your confidence or was building your confidence. Is it a book about building confidence?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

And what is like, what is it hadn't how has that changed or helped you? Has it helped you?

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Well, my dyslexic ass basically only read probably like a quarter of it. And after that, I kind of just threw them in my car. And just after that, I kind of look at it and it looks at me and I'm like, hi, hi, and we pass through the hallway. So you have any I only read quarter of it. And it helps me. Like the thing is with me, like when I read something, I'm like, all right, cool, I got the whole concept of it. I don't half ass it, but I'm like, okay, I got the gist of it, throw it away. And it's like, I don't know. My IQ is like 131. Okay, I'm fucking smart. Okay, wait.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

So you only read like a quarter of this book?

SPEAKER_02 10:27

And I'm like, and I and I skim through it. And then I'm like, alright, I got the gist of the book, write a little fucking Spark note fucking summary, and I now have confidence.

SPEAKER_04 10:36

I don't think that's how it works.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

I think that's how it works.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

So let me ask you about Dean.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

Is Dean does Dean sound different or do stuff or talk to you differently when like you're on a date? Like in your voice, right? Is Dean different? We're gonna call your This is so funny.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

I'm not insane. I don't have a personality disorder. No, no, it sounds so funny. It's uh I love it. No, it's your inner voice. My ch my chi leader of voice named Dean is basically telling me, like, hey dude, calm down, like calm the fuck down. It's fine. No one's attacking you. It's just it's just your anxiety, it's just your person, it's just your paranoia. It's just just no one gives a shit.

SPEAKER_04 11:18

Okay, but is it is Dean different on a date versus in an interview?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Oh, he's the fucking he's the same fucker everywhere. I oh he's the same fucker. Like, dude, just fucking relax. It's literally like like today, like for like for like uh you had a you had a connection type of connection.

SPEAKER_04 11:36

Not an interview, but of course.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

No, it's like like a 15-minute chat or whatever. The guy kept rescheduling. Hey man, like look, Dean, like literally, okay, I don't know why I'm using my voices in the second person. Either way, the voice in my head, Dean, was telling me, like, look, this guy is literally a low priority. Basically, just get to the information, just talk to him. If he wants to reschedule, fuck him reschedule. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04 11:58

Yeah. Well, because he's super busy and he's giving him your time. Yeah, give him his time. Yeah. So he's giving he's giving you his time. So he's not low priority. No. But for you with your anxiety and stress, I'm sure the reschedule. Oh, yeah. And they're reschedule, you just kept getting more anxious and your inner voice was like, So he doesn't really want to meet with me. No, yeah. But I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

No, it's more of like it just it's it comes in bursts of like if it's like your high cholesterol c cortisol level, whatever, like goes to the red, that's when like Dean appears, like, hey, relax, it's fine, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_04 12:34

Okay. Like for me, that's the difference between my inner voice and your inner voice. If I had a connection, like if I, you know, I had sent a message to somebody that had the job that I want or the background that, you know, was similar to mine, and that person was working in a job that I was gonna try and do, right? Or earn or have and figure it out, right? And I messaged them and they're like, yeah, not a problem. We let's meet, you know, on Tuesday at, you know, 230 and over Zoom and I'll send you the link or whatever, right? And then if that person then on that Tuesday at 2:30 or 10, you know, 220 messaged me saying, Oh, had an emergency meeting come up, can we push it back to three? I wouldn't think anything of it, right? My inner voice would be like, Okay, cool, that person's super busy. It's a good thing that you want to talk to them because obviously this person's super busy and they're in a job that you want. But then if that person at three o'clock pushed me back again, like, well, I just had another meeting, and that's when my inner voice, that's when my little evil little minion inside my little brain would go, but this person really doesn't want to meet with you. They're making excuses, they're just pushing you back because they don't have the energy and they just don't want to do it and you're, they don't want to waste their time talking to you. Right. So then that's my voice. That's the negativity that I hear in my voice. So then when they say, Hey, can we reschedule for another day? My first knee-jerk reaction would be like, you know what? I know that you're super busy. I don't want to waste your time, just like you did, but your voice was more positive, a cheerleader saying, Hey, I don't want to waste your time. I appreciate you. I appreciate the fact that your time, I don't want to waste it. So here's my questions that I was gonna ask you. Can I email them to you? And that way you can just fill them out and send them back to me. And we, I just want to be respectful of your time, right? For me, my inner voice would be like, they don't ever want to even they don't, girl, that they don't even want to see you because you're not even worth their time. So I wouldn't have even had said, let me email you the questions and maybe you can fill it out, right? Because in my mind, I've already been shut down. I shut myself down twice already, you right? So I think that's really good that your voice is a cheerleader because mine obviously isn't. It's a minion. I gotta kick her out, she's gotta get another place to live. Anyway, yeah, right. So I think that that's interesting how you handle that situation, which I think was really cool. Because my knee-jerk reaction would have been like, you know what? Fine, you don't want to meet with me? I know you're not, you're not you probably don't have a meeting, you're making it up. Yeah, it's just you don't want to have to talk to me.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

And that's the thing, you don't know.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

I understand, but that's my inner voice. My inner voice doesn't know anything either.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

But you know, like when I'm you know, I mean, seriously. So that is that I think that's the difference between like what I would do in that my inner voice in that situation compared to what your Dean did in that situation, which I think is really good.

SPEAKER_03 15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:33

Right? So has Dean ever been completely wrong about anything?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Like your inner voice it it was more likely just Just in general. And wrong?

SPEAKER_04 15:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

No, it's more of like it's more of like moments where I'm like high stress. I just keep getting this question, like, hey, you okay? Yeah. How are you? Check in with me. It's like constant. It's this constant voice of like, hey, it's okay. I like talk to me. Like that's when that's when people see me in the car talking to myself.

SPEAKER_04 16:05

Oh no, you talk to yourself all the time.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

I do because I'm I'm a high intellectual, okay? It fucking happens. I'm not crazy. I'm not gonna go out and do something crazy, but it's nice to just if you have, if you have your own comfort, if you're comfortable with yourself and you're you're able to emotionally regulate your own body by just working with your own consciousness, I think that is like maturity at its best.

SPEAKER_04 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And if you're and if you're comfortable talking to someone about this stuff too. So I think that that's really good having a cheerleader.

SPEAKER_04 16:43

Well, yeah. I I do too. And I think that I think, you know, when we ask about your inner voice as a bully or cheerleader, I think, you know, you've already said your inner voice is a cheerleader. And I think that we just established that mine is more of a bully with the fact that they, you know, my my inner voice would be more like, but they don't want to talk to you, you know, just like a negative, like a negative Nancy, right? Sorry for all you people as are Nancy, I don't mean that, but you know, a negative, a negative Nancy. And yours is more of a cheerleader, which is more positive, which I think is great, right? I mean, think about that. So, you know, our inner voices are so different. So different. Yours is positive, mine's more of a negative, you know, bully, and yours is a cheerleader, you know. And and I think that that's a lot of people have different voices, right? Like I'm sure a lot of people are listening and they're like, Oh yeah, mine's a cheerleader. Mine, you know, I'm my inner voice is more positive about things, or somebody's listening saying, Oh yeah, no, I completely relate with you, Jules, you know, because mine's a negative Nancy too. You know what I mean? And yeah, I don't know. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 17:54

It's it happens every time in my car, it's like this question of like, it's this constant reminder. I'm like, look, talk to people like they're idiots. Okay. Just regulate your emotions. Don't be cold as a wall, but don't overshare. Just do your job, go in, just be cordial, be respectful, smile, and just leave.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

Yeah. Well, you would said that it's your um, your your neuro, you're trying to regulate your neur, you know, your neurological system, right? And I think you learned that early on because your neurosystem, you know, had to be regulated. Oh yeah. Which I think is something that we should get into because I think a lot of our listeners, crowds, yeah, but a lot of our listeners who are neurodivergent, they can really connect with this and not feel alone because knowing that you, you know, I in all honesty, most of us, 95% of us, um a hundred of us, a hundred percent of us, we need to regulate our neurosystem. And a lot of people don't realize that they're doing it when they're doing it, right? Because it's like a second nature and they have no idea what they're doing at the time, right? Like they don't know that they're regulating the neurosystem where you have that awareness and I have that awareness, right? So, like my ADD, your ADD. I mean, how does it affect your inner voice? And do you think it does affect your inner voice? You know? I mean, I know mine does because I know that I get mad at myself because I'm because I am ADD. And like sometimes I'll forget, I won't forget, but I'll I'll have a whole thing that I need to do during the day. And I'll be walking to do something, and then I'll get distracted by a squirrel moment, and then I'll go and, you know, do whatever it is. And then my voice is like, Jules, you didn't need to unload the dishwasher at that moment in time because you were walking by the dishwasher and saw that it was clean and you needed to undo it. You were on your way to go, you know, work out and or take a walk with the dogs, and now you're unloading a dishwasher.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Like that is that's ADAD.

SPEAKER_04 19:55

Yeah. But my inner voice would be a bully and kind of get down on me for what why are you so distractable? Right? Like you need to stop and you need to focus, right? And like your dad has said, Jules, you should like like make a list of stuff. Well, yeah, okay, I'll make a list, but you know what happens when I'm making the list?

SPEAKER_02 20:16

I get distracted.

SPEAKER_04 20:16

Yes, I get the list.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

I get distracted too. Yeah. I make the list while I do chores.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

I mean, so I think that my inner voice is it's been my whole life, but it's more of a negative because I think because of the ADD that I was diagnosed with when somebody else was diagnosed, like six years ago, but I was a self-diagnosed, I knew it kind of all along. But because of it and because I am so, you know, squirrel moment, I I think that I don't give myself that grace or that permission to say, okay, well, you had a squirrel moment.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

Who cares? Like you're, yeah, who cares? Yay, go, go. So what about yours? Like with your when you get distracted, what is your what's your voice? What do you do? Right during that moment.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

To be quite, to be quite frank, I'm like, I would cuss, like, motherfucker. I'm like, fuck, that's what I was gonna do. There, the voice doesn't the voice, my my voice or my the voice in my head doesn't really appear and like, oh, we need like, hey, we need to do this. I'm like, okay, we need to do that. I'm like, okay, it doesn't really get on me. And the dishes, I'm like, oh fuck, the dishes. I literally have like, hey, we need to do the dishes, I'll do it later. Well, I literally it's it's that fucking simplicity that I'm like, hey, sometimes I just do the shit without even thinking. Automatic.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Well, yeah, but I'm talking about when you get distracted. So when I get I don't I don't get so you go to do the dishes and you get distracted and you end up doing something else.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Yeah, but it's not it's I don't it's more like the voice doesn't really appear. I just like I just really cuss at myself, motherfucker. Because you forgot to do something.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Fuck and you knew and shit.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

What really? I literally ran at my car and I'm I was literally I was the other day, yesterday I was driving up here, I forgot. The Yeti cooler along with the Yeti frozen pack. And I was I was I literally I was literally five minutes away from my house. I'm like, shit. Did you turn back around and get it?

unknown 22:09

No.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

You were five minutes from your house.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

At the same time, I said, you know what? Fuck it. I'll just put I'll come up the next time.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Mom and Dad don't need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

They don't fucking need it. I'll just they'll buy another one. It's fine.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

We're not gonna buy another one. That'll yeti cooler.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

It's it's literally just a lot of people.

SPEAKER_04 22:22

Just put it in your car when you get home.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah, I'll send I'll that's the thing that really fucking irritates me. I'll put it in my car and yet I forgot about it. Huh. Is it in your car? No, it's not. Oh. I know it's not in my car because I know every inch of that fucking thing. But you know what's so weird? I had a I had a I had a thought of people tell me the most deep, really deep secrets, but they don't know is that when I open the fucking fridge, I don't know what I fucking bought the next day.

SPEAKER_04 22:50

What are you talking about? When I okay, when when okay, like you're talking about people telling you secrets and then you open your refrigerator? Where are you going with this?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Just just just walk with me with this, okay? People tell me certain things, okay? But the thing is, I don't my brain doesn't give a shit. Because my brain will literally dump it within minutes.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

Well, that's what it's not that that you don't it's it's not that your brain doesn't care. Your brain cares while they're talking to you. Your brain cares while they're talking to you, but then afterwards your brain goes to on to something else. Yeah, but at the next moment I'm I'm reading something and I open the fridge.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

The milk's expired. That's what the milk is fucking expired. And the next moment I'm like, wait a minute, what was I thinking about?

SPEAKER_04 23:34

That was but that's what ADD is. And you know, that's what ADD is.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

But my brain, then five days later, the conversation, the button filing cabinet, my brain's fucking messy. You know, I I I've I do so well in school, I do so well in work, I do so well, but social interactions and other fucking bullshit like that, my brain literally tosses it in the furnace. Oh, we I guess we're gonna forget about this.

SPEAKER_04 23:57

So that's okay, so okay. So speaking of just social interactions, yeah, and you're regulating your neurosystem, how do you know? Like, how do you how do you know inside that it's time for me? I need to regulate my neurosystem. Like you how do you know that there you need to and what do you do to regulate what do you do to help? Would you stop whispering? Seriously, and then what do you do to to neuroregulate that? What do you what are your simple habits? What do you do?

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Yeah, very simple. I smile.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

Okay, wait. How do you know? How do you know what goes on in your brain to say I'm a little oversimulated? I'm over, you know, what I'm over this. I need I need a break.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

I distance myself. I distance myself very not like an Irish goodbye. God, okay, no, listen to my question. Yes, I'm listening to your question.

SPEAKER_04 24:46

Please. A D D. Listen to listen.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

I am listening and zoning in right now.

SPEAKER_04 24:51

What happens in your brain that occurs or your body physiologically? What are the actions of when you're overstimulated or when your neurosystem is over, you know, you need to regulate it so it's overstimulated. What are some things that occur?

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Like what are the signs and symptoms of the signs and symptoms of my when I get overwhelmed is my body mentally shuts down. I literally just say whatever to get out of the situation.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

So you just start saying whatever. Whatever bullshit. Whatever bullshit. And then I Do you just get overwhelmed in your brain and you just shut down? You can't think, you can't process.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yeah, and then I start I start talking really stupid shit, and then I just need to like get out. And my brain literally tells me, like, you need to leave.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

Okay, so so you do. And you so that's your brain, like, I need to get out. And then what do you do to regulate after that moment when you walked away? How do you regulate yourself to get back so you're not overstimulated and you're back to baseline?

SPEAKER_02 25:56

I usually play video games, like just action-packed video games. I would just listen to music very like Georgian chants, like Catholic chorgian chance, just to kind of regulate my brain, like angelic voice uh music or like ASMR type videos, very voice-related stuff, just to regulate my brain and just sit there very peacefully. Like I need my space controlled.

SPEAKER_04 26:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Right? I can control the small things, but I can't control the bigger things. If my environment is very controlled, very quiet, since moving out, I love my apartment. Oh, because it's quiet.

SPEAKER_04 26:37

Well, it's not like me and your dad are super loud.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

It's not that. No. When there's moments where work is so overwhelming, yeah, I just need to be alone.

SPEAKER_04 26:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

For like 30 minutes to an hour. Then I exit out. I'm like, I'm recharged.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

Yeah. Well, you see it, and then it's funny. It's funny you say that because like with so I had a major head injury, as you know, in 2006. No, 2004, 2005, I can't remember. Isn't that ironic? I got a head injury and I can't remember when it was. Just getting no, but since that time, I mean as an adult, I do get over stimulated in environments and I have to leave too. So like if there's music going and people are having conversations, right? And then I'm trying to do a task or I'm trying to have my own conversation with somebody, I my brain, I can tell my brain just shuts down. And I I start getting anxious. And I'm like, I need to go to a quiet spot uh space. I just need to go to a quiet space. And so I'll have to like, I'll go to the bathroom. Not that I have to go to the bathroom, but I'll step away and go into the bathroom, like, especially if I'm at a friend's house or whatever. And if I'm at my house, I'll go outside and make sure I leave everybody just to take a deep breath and to self-regulate myself. But when I'm stressed and overstimulated, say at work, or I've been on the computer all day, I've been grading papers, I've been reading papers or whatever. I tend to need to get outside and or you know, stretch or do some stuff so my body is then in touch with my mind. I don't know. It's weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

It is also weird because I would honestly stare out of space. My mind, this has been happening to me really more frequently because I've been stressed my ass off the last month. Is just, I've been spacing out a lot more.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

I think maybe because you're tired. Yeah. Or stimulated at work. I am all think about what you've been doing the last couple, like three weeks. You've been having interview after interview after interview, right? Which is stressful.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

Very stressful.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

Trying to figure it out, trying to learn from every interview that you're having, and then you get a call back three days later or whatever. So of course you're zoning out because you're exhausted. But I just think that that neurodivergence with a lot of people, like I said, feel that even if they're not neurodivergent, I think that a lot of people will feel stressful. They get stressed or feel stressful. And, you know, and then I read this article about the uh the generation under you, the ones that are in high school right now, they have a highest level of anxiety in in all of our culture.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

That that which culture?

SPEAKER_04 29:18

The ones that are in high school right now. The generation below you, the ones that are like Gen Alpha. Yeah, like the ones that are like 15, 16, 17, 18, and then to like 23, 24. Yeah, but it's graduating, you know, college or high school.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

You know what? I they should they should really have home. They need to learn more because I had to I had to regulate my my myself from that situation. It makes you stronger.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

Well, no, I uh yeah, but I I I think that their anxiety like like they're graduating and they don't have jobs. And I mean think about what's going on in the culture today and you know, both political, socially, all that stuff, right? But still though, I mean, we are still affected, everybody's affected. And I'm glad it's good that you kind of have that inner sense in your self-awareness of knowing when you're overstimulated and you need to regulate your nervous system. And I think that a lot of people, if they just take a really deep look at themselves, they'll realize, you know, and that I think aware self-awareness is a really good, positive, healthy thing to have for you and like for me, and for like if you are listening out there and you don't, you're like, what are you talking about? Start paying attention to your body when you're in situations where you're like, oh, I'm getting a little anxious, and then kind of like look around the room and say, oh, well, what's the situation and why am I getting nervous? And what is this? Is my neurosystem a little overstimulated? Because we all do it, every single one of us. And even without the title or the diagnosis of neurodivergence or whatever it is, I believe that everybody uh does it. Everybody gets overstimulated, everybody gets a little anxious, everybody gets that way, right? And I just think that that's that's something that uh people, if they're more aware of situations, puts their brain in that overstimulated or anxious type of environment. You take a look around at what your external environment is. You could probably help yourself by preparing before you go in. Do you do that? If you know you're going into an environment that overstimulates your nervous system, do you do any preparation before you go in?

SPEAKER_00 31:18

I scout the area before I go. It takes a lot of time on my place, but I scout before.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

And what does that do by scouting and you know, pre-planning?

SPEAKER_02 31:27

It's just familiarity. I hate going to places that I don't understand. I do visit local areas in my town that I find very simulating. Like I, like for example, the area that I live in, I I walk around. I want to be familiar with the areas.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

So then you're more so the more familiar you are with the area, the less anxious and overstimulated your nervous system gets because you under you are familiar with that area. Yes. Well, that's good. That's that's one good way if somebody's you know having some issues that they can say, okay, well, maybe if I'm anxious about going to, you know, a new coffee shop or going to a new store to shop, maybe I can just drive down there just for a day and just not get out of my car and just like scope it around, like you said, like pre-plan.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

For example, like SF, like I hated that city. I did not, I did not want to enter it since I working in there, being familiar. I'm like from anything that's from past onward from the Bart Station.

SPEAKER_04 32:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

I'm like, it's still new. Like even in Hayes Valley, that place is so unfamiliar with me. But now I visited that place with a with my favorite brands that like shopping there. I'm like, oh, this is fine. This is like just Gucci, uh chic, expensive people.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

But you're more familiar with it, so now you're more comfortable going there.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Like so comfortable.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

Because at least you get familiar, and so your nervous system gets more whatever. So, okay, which I think is good. And I think that we've had a really good conversation about our inner voice, and you know, and I'm glad you brought up your nervous system and you having to self-regulate that, because I think a lot of people I don't know why anybody would be embarrassed or afraid to talk about it, but everybody does it. I think everybody regulates their own neurosystem and it they do it in their own way. Right. So, so as we wrap this up, I think that what we can do, and what everybody all of our listeners out there, I think you need to do it too. I think you need to make a commitment to these two questions, to this question I'm gonna ask.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 33:23

So we got it, we both of us have to commit when our inner voices are negative, but you said you don't have a negative. Are they is Dean ever negative?

SPEAKER_02 33:33

It's never negative.

SPEAKER_04 33:34

Can I have Dean, please? So it's never negative. But if like for me, my inner voice is negative. So what I'll do is I'll commit to changing that inner voice to maybe just a little positive spin. Just I know it's not an overnight thing, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:49

It's not negative, but it's more of overprotective. I think overprotective is a little bit worse than being negative, is because if you're if you're if your inner voice is more overprotective, they'll probably tell you more delusions that'll probably be a little bit more dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 34:03

What do you mean, delusions that'll be more dangerous? It's not like I have a multi-personality disorder.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

No, it's more like it's sometimes you like since I was bullied like sensitely through my life, it sometimes being having a negative voice is not okay. You need to, it takes time. Yeah. But if you have a voice in your head that's overprotective and tells you something that you want to hear, it's obviously, but if it's overprotective, because like you it's literally signs of antitrust.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

Oh, I see what you're saying. So if somebody is like, if your inner voice is like overprotect. But no, I don't think my over my voice is not overprotective. I mean, obviously, it's more of a bully. Yeah. And number two, just regulate. Yeah. And I think that if you do have a not me, but if some one of you listeners out there do have an overprotective uh vo inner voice, right? I think you could lose out on a lot of opportunities. Oh yeah. A lot of them. So like I know that, you know, one of my aunts, your aunts, you're afraid to do anything. Oh my God. Right. So I'm imagining that her inner voice is overprotective.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

So she's missing out on so many things because she chooses not to do them because she's afraid that something's gonna happen or she's, you know, fear is running her life. And I think that that's a horrible thing when you are so afraid that it actually impacts your life. So I'm gonna commit to being more positive with my inner voice.

SPEAKER_03 35:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

And then maybe you could commit to being more negative, no skidding.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

God damn.

SPEAKER_04 35:29

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

Damn, I know you're kidding, but so we're gonna wrap this up.

SPEAKER_04 35:33

And I think that that was really good. And I really loved the the neuro regulation discussion because I think that that has to happen, especially with somebody who's neurodivergent like yourself. And and for me, you know, we get overstimulated. But in that saying that, wrapping this up, please listeners, if you have a story or you want us to go deeper into another conversation that we went into on a previous, please email us at lappingthroughuncomfortable at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook and you can find us on Instagram. And that would be great. And I want to thank that listener who sent me the email asking me to go into deeper because they were struggling with their inner voice and their ADHD. So thank you very much. Welcome emails, welcome questions. And we will obviously not not divulge your identity. We just will say you're a listener. So thank you so much. All right, so this is it. Thank you for joining us this week on Laughing Through the Uncomfortable. This is Julie and Jeff. And until next time. Yeah, have a great week, everybody.