Episode 8: "I Signed A Lease"

07:52 - Nia Long says she likes dating younger men and wants them to sign an NDA

23:10 – Jada Pinkett claims martyrdom in the entanglement debacle

34:40 – Hilary Duff stopped talking to a guy because he was “too nice”

50:48 – Ari Fletcher gets checked by friend to show her man appreciation

01:01:29 – As men how do you show love to yourself?

01:13:00 – Is it wrong to engage in temporary relationships?

01:19:04 – Is expecting to text someone daily egotistical?

01:28:04 – I’m starting to like him TOO much

01:35:47 – Why do men text you they miss you but don’t make plans to hang out?

01:47:35 – How would you describe the dating pool today?

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

We back. Back again. Back again. Back again. Back again. Amen. For another episode of Trill Academy. I hope y'all, you know, got your drinks poured up, got the notepads out, phones, whatever you taking notes with. Pull up a chair, tell a friend, share it. You know what I'm saying? Just get some people together and get ready for this trio conversation. You know, we be talking that talk on here, man. Having a good time. I got some drink today, so uh it's gonna be one of them ones. We buckle up. It's gonna be one of the ones. I'm off for a few days too. Oh, yeah. It's gonna be one of the ones today, man.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Hey man, real quick, man, salute to the Patreon. Uh everybody that's tapped into the Patreon already, man. The subscribers is going up, man. We definitely appreciate it. I've been trying to feed y'all content. As y'all seen, it's been stuff dropping in a very frequent fashion. So if you ain't tapped in, make sure y'all tap in. That's patreon.com backslash trailacademy. Um subscribe. We got multiple tiers that you can tap into. Um and then also the um audio only is on all of the DSPs. Whatever you listen to, Spotify, Apple, BiHeart, whatever, is it is there. So make sure y'all subscribe. And if y'all can, leave some reviews, leave some, you know, stars or whatever. And however y'all feel when y'all listen to the pod. If y'all appreciate it, you know, make sure that y'all reflect that in the in the reviews and things of that nature. So I just want to put that out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Quick temp check though. How you feeling, man? How the last week or so been for you? Anything, any highs, any lows?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Anything you're working on? Hey man, first and foremost, man, shout out to uh Jacksonville, Mississippi. That was some of the most fun that I done had in a long time, man. Um, you know, of course, we on tour with tonight's conversation, and um we hit Birmingham in Jacksonville. Salute to Birmingham as well. Birmingham was a was a whole vibe too. Um Jacksonville, man, showed up and showed out. Salute to everybody that popped, that came out to the show. Um, everybody that came to the afterspot. Uh salute to my dog Lance Groves, Ace, Dr. Bryant, um, everybody that was able to pop out, my girl Kitty. Um, but yeah, man, it was yeah, yeah. Jackson, Jackson was one of those energy-wise, like reactive to everything, engaged, okay. All of that. You know what I mean? So you always love that when you can run into a city where they really tapped into everything you say. It they ain't missing a word. It's quiet in there. You can hear them. When you say something, they react in. So it's like, you know, again, salute to Jacksonville. But yeah, um, aside from that, brother, I'm I'm I'm about as good as I can be. Moving and shaking, man. I got a lot of things going on just as far as life transitions. Um, but you know, it is what it is. You know how it is, bro. We're gonna navigate, man. Shirley Streets on. You know, ain't nothing gonna be able to make me, you know, uncomfortable enough to why I can't fuck can't function. So it is what it is. What about you though? You good? Yeah, man, I was good, man.

SPEAKER_03 3:06

Just been following A Money around this AU basketball. Fatherhood. Another story. But uh, yeah, this past weekend, man, we had like a big tournament um at U of H. It was uh it was good, man. It was it was real good, real good experience. It was a lot of them like national teams. So like boys was like hooping, hooping. Yeah. I missed the first game. I'm glad I did. They said it was ugly. They got smacked like that. Ah man They played, so they played Houston Hoops. Houston, that's a national team.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Gotcha. See, they got different teams. We ain't on that level yet. Yeah, that's the thing was getting that a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, yeah, it way it wasn't pretty at all. Um but they bounced back from that. I mean, the other teams, they competed real good. Um came up short. Um second, so they won, so they lost to they lost two games the first day. Second game, they should have won. They really should have. But, you know, just keep it learn uh teaching the kids how to keep their composure under pressure. Right. You know what I mean? And and when you up, stay on them. You know what I mean? Not not letting up, um, not panicking too much, um, and just keep reminding them like basketball is a game of runs. You know what I mean? So you can be up 10 real quick and then be down three before you even know it. So just reiterating that with the kids and you know, um keeping them positive. But the next day, Sunday, um, bounced back, had a good win the first game, second game, man, second game was tough for our game. Second game, we played uh Steam called the lab. Um, and actually Donovan kid played for the lab. He like a year older. But um man, they had a boy on 18, about six foot. How old was this? This is the uh 11U? 11U. Now mind you, Aiden is 10. Right, right, right. So he's playing up. Right. But as he should. That boy, hey, that nigga was huge. I mean, he's looking like Wimby out there. He just grabbed the round, put that bitch back up. I said, Aiden, you have to physically move his big ass. Gotta put an elbow in his uh stuff. So that was really the only difference. I mean, outside of that, guard play, we matched real well with him. We was doing our thing. Um, but that was really the difference. That first half, he put, you know, he put him on their back. He got like an extra few rebounds. It was a close game. Overall, though, it was just like, and it was a low-scoring game. It was like 15 to 23 or something like that. So it was a real low battle. Yeah, it was a battle. So he separated with him, they're having that tall center like that, he separated that first half. Um, and they built that cushion, and we just clearly couldn't get back in there. But yeah, but I mean, boys was battling. I was super proud of everybody. They played hard. Um refs was ref was cool. Refs was cool. The first, what was that? The second game on Saturday, I was a little pissed. I ain't gonna lie to you, because some of them ref style just be. Which I I get, which I get, I really do. I understand that, you know, this ain't professional and things like that, but it's just like, bro, some stuff just be so blatant. And like, just because somebody a little bit bigger don't mean it ain't a foul.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

Like, if a nigga smacking you upside the head, that's a foul. LeBron rules. You know what I'm saying? Nice one. Like, boys, it's like some of them didn't even know the game. It was one particular ref. I don't know why. But I mean, boys just hit like a jab step. Travel. And I'm like, okay. Let me walk away because I'm gonna be I'm gonna walk on the court pretty soon. You already know type time this on. Well, the coach is like, oh, I ain't never seen you that bad before. I was like, no, I've definitely been more. Well, I've definitely been worse. I was just behind you this game, so you heard me. But no, but they had a good time. Shout out to me and green, whole program. Shout out to everybody that's got kids in programs, just in sports in general. Because that shit can be all day. It's time consuming. You gotta deal with other parents, you gotta deal with, you know what I'm saying? It's just so much that go into it. So shout out to everybody that's trying to keep their kids active and involved.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yeah, man. Salute to all the again. Those is the day-for-day parents that we be talking about.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

All right, man. All right, man. What do we got on docking today, man? Speaking of kids, Neilong prefers to date.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Damn came in with a shot. That's wild. That's wild, man. Salute to my girl Neil, man.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

She actually did she didn't say how young. Right. She just said young girl. So I'm let her, you know, I'm gonna let her rock. I understand. I just, you know, I just wanted to start a little something. So yeah, Neil Long says she prefers dating younger men. Not only that, but she wants them to sign NDA.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

She wants to partake in a little bit of playtime with them. So we're gonna play the clip, man. Play play. See exactly what she had to say in it.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Every girl wants to feel special. Yeah. But I also feel like I've experienced good love in my life. And so I know when it's good and when it's just playtime. But what I do think I need to do more of is engage in playtime. That's what I'm saying. But because I've always been in a relationship. I've always been like, oh, I you like me, I like you. Okay, now we're a thing. Me too. And then five years later, and you're like, oh, whoa. But I don't really know how to like casually date. I feel like guys don't want to casually date when you're not begging for more. I mean that's what because I'm very aloof. Want you me? You girls. I'm like, do your thing. I got to do. We're not chasing. They don't want that. Like, to me, it's like, why can't we have a little, why can't we be consistent sneak links? Why can't we just say, hey, it's NDA? Too much. Where's the NDA? Too much. I do need the NDA. The NDA I need stab right now. Because I'm looking for. What are you guys doing? Are we on Friday night again? Are we on Friday night again? Yeah. Ain't that. Ain't that. Eat that, maybe. We need to definitely eat yes. Eat it in time. Because I'm done. I'm done with the mind crazy. Oh, it's so it needed in time is eating it. Okay. Listen. Yeah, it's tough out here. But you know, hey, beautiful woman, I I feel like the the thing about dating for me is I want to date with intention. Yes. But I also want to have fun. I just don't think I'm like into it though. Like it's here's the other thing. I don't have time. Yeah. That's really the truth. I don't have time. To your point, I don't have time to do something that doesn't feel worth it to me. Yeah. And I can compartmentalize, I can do the same thing a guy can do respectfully and ethically, right? I can have a sneaky link vibe, or not even sneaky link, but just like a like a guy that we know we work good friends and we, you know, we enjoy each other's company every now and then, but it's nothing serious between us. And then the opportunity of possibly being something serious with someone. You know, I'm open, but it's not. I don't feel like there's a lot of people. I need to get into that. I would too. There's a couple that I do that with that I know. I think they're scared. You know they're like scary. Because they're gonna fall in love with you. I don't know about that. Yeah, baby. Because once you put it down, baby. Hey! They don't know how to control themselves. Back that thing up. Okay, I'm just saying. I'm just saying, gonna sleep over the day for this. It's gonna be nuts. The sleepover that we're about to have and get into this. We are having a sleepover. Next time I come, I'm wearing my pajamas. Let's go come up pajama for me. So cute. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

All right, man. So cute. Salute to Kiki and Nia Long, man. It was so cute. Speaking of a lot of things. Basically, um, you know, she says she wants to have a bit more fun, but in her experience dealing with a lot of men, they're the ones to complicate things. They're the ones that want more. They're the ones that's running their mouth, have this over with. And it's like she's at the stage right now to where she kind of wants to date with intention, but at the same time, she wants to have fun. Me personally, it's that's a contradiction. But it sounds like at this stage, she just wants to have fun with no strings. It's like she's saying, I want to engage in some sneaky links more often than not. Right? So, of course, this hit the timeline. You got one half of the timeline saying, Yeah, girl, you know, you know, take your power back, do what it is that you want to do, things of that nature. Then you got an other side of the social media saying, see, this is the problem with a lot of these women who you be wondering, damn, why is she single? Or why is she this, why is she that? Because a lot of them want toxicity, a lot of them want what's fun, a lot of them get bored by stability. And I can see both sides of this argument. So what's your thoughts on it though? When you hear these things like, I want to engage in more playtime with men.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

I think a lot of women just simply do not know what they want.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Come on.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

That's just plain and simple. You can say that you want the the play play and all that stuff, you want the sneaky links and things like that, but also you want quality time. You don't just want that man to come over, sleep with you, knock your head through a wall and go home. That's not it. Because not only that, you want him to cuddle. And then from cuddle, you might want some breakfast in the morning, go do something like go for a walk or things like that. It's more to it than just the physical. Right. And we all know that. Because when that does become the case, then it's where you at, who you with. Why you're not calling me, why you're not texting me, why you're not trying to spend time with me. You said you just wanted the physical. Most men can deliver on that and do it very well. They play that role very well. I can come over, you want me over at 12 o'clock, do do what we do, I'm out by two, you home, you get to sleep by yourself, you ain't gotta worry about nobody waking up next to you, and I'm out. But those feelings get involved because the sex gets better and it gets better. You start hitting those spots, getting real familiar with you, and then you opening yourself up to a person that you never recognize before because you feel like this is your your your sneaky link, but that sneaky link you be dropping that dick off.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

And I think that a lot of women Damn, and I'm gonna get killed for saying this, but it's the truth. I think that the less the man cares about her, the more intrigued she is. I think a lot of the guys that they're talking about with the I mean, they can't keep their mouth shut, or they can't do this, ah, these guys are annoying, they this, they that. Those are the guys that really like them. Think Kiki alluded to that, right? Oh, these men falling in love and da-da-da. So this man is willing to be everything you need him to be. But that ain't what you want. You wanna get slutted out. You wanna, you know what I mean? When I'm leaving the club at 3:30 hitting you, hey, you up? You might have been asleep, but yeah, I'm up. You won't do come through the put your head just like bro said through the headboard, like Gina on on Morton back in the day. All right, I'm gonna catch up with you now. You take it easy. Come on. Those is the type of dudes that you're gonna wanna push the envelope with. I think that because women like that speak from a point of privilege, they forget how the game goes. And what I mean by speaking from a point of privilege is both of them are celebrity women. Both of them have a lot of men that are just throwing it at them 24-7. Neil Long has been a sex icon since the 90s. That's just what it is. You understand? Like, so most guys who run into her, for one, are gonna be super fascinated. Super fascinated. You understand? For two, gonna try to be on P's and Q's and things of that nature. You don't think of a Neal Long and think, okay, I'm about to slut out. That's not how that goes, you understand? But I think that's kind of shaped her unrealistic mindset. Because when you run into that dude who really like don't give a damn, like I'm coming through there, do my one too, because I'm I just I just honor my craft enough to come through there and do an exceptional job and walk right out of that door when I'm done. When you run into that, all of these, oh, I don't really care. We ain't gotta take it nowhere. Let's keep it here, let's all of that go out the window. And I think she just hadn't experienced that in a long time. And that makes her talk the way that she talks. But do I think that it's realistic? No.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

Hell no. Hell no. Kiki mentioned talking about she can she can compartmentalize. Yeah, you might be able to compartmentalize, but you never met a compartmentalizer.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Right. A compartmentalization expert. A technique.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Because trust me, the nonchalantness that he's gonna bring, you're gonna be like, hold on. Like, I'm I'm Kiki Palmer. And he's gonna be like, and catch a witch later on, big dog.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Hey, come on. Good luck on your movie you got going on. Like that, but but that's the thing. Everybody thinks that they can compartmentalize until they run into somebody that they really like. It just is what it is. I think people who get to talking about, oh, I ain't tripping, I can do this, I can do whatever, and not catch no feelings and not duh duh duh. All that sounds great. Until you run into somebody who you really like, and they really on that type of time that you talking about being on. You really like them, but they coming through there doing what they do and getting out the way. They ain't texting you the next day, they ain't hitting you to make sure you made it home alright. They putting you in that Uber black, take your ass home. Or or they getting in the getting up out of there. You don't hear from them for two, three, four days. Now you the one texting. You the one saying, hey, what's going on? I ain't heard from you. Just want to make sure everything's alright. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You said that you wanted to have fun. Mm-hmm. This is feeling like relationship. You don't keep track on somebody you having fun with. Come on now. That's not your responsibility. Now, if we dating for exclusivity, that's something different.

unknown 17:36

Right?

SPEAKER_01 17:36

I'm texting, make sure you made it home. I'm calling check, see how your day was. This, that, and the third. But if we just signing up for fun, you gotta be really ready for the treacherousness of fun. And a lot of people are not if they're honest with themselves.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

They want a friends with benefits plus. That's what that is. I like that. I like that. Friends with benefits plus. I like that. Because they don't want you to just not get, man. Anyway, this waste my time on this shit. And also another point, too, is to your point, what you were saying about them liking somebody. I think a lot of times, too, them dealing with somebody, they don't really like them like that. Like they cool, but they don't really just like them. Because if they did, they wouldn't be as arrogant as they are to me.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And it's like, it all depends on the level that the woman is at. I think that's the key part of it. Like again, Neil Long is at the top of the totem pole as far as women are concerned. So it's not many men that she's gonna just be, oh my God, that's such and such. I'm Exactly. Because those type of men who she would do that for will drop everything that they got going on to be with her if she wanted that to happen. So she's used to that, and that shapes her mindset. And I'm not knocking her for that. You understand? I'm not knocking her for wanting to engage in fun. I don't necessarily believe that that's a bad thing. I think that you, you know, when you're honest with yourself about where you are in your journey, everybody's not built to be in a relationship right now. Everybody's not built to be in the courting stage right now. Some people got a lot of things going on in their life, and I ain't got but a select amount of time to give you, a select amount of energy, a select amount of effort, prioritization, a select amount. Because I'm working on this, so I'm busy, I'm on this TV show, I'm shooting this pod, or I'm traveling, I'm on tour, I'm doing this, that, and third. I don't have time to pour into a relationship, but we can have fun. I don't necessarily disagree with the having fun with somebody part. I disagree with the line about you being able to handle the rules of fun. You can't sign up for fun, and then at some point, you get to asking and doing relationship type of things. You get to having relationship expectations. Are we having fun or do you want a relationship? You need to be honest with what that is up front, first and foremost, with your damn self, and then honest with them, and then you'll move a little more smooth in that process. But people be lying. I mean, the common thing I think I'd have said that the last three parts. People be lying about what it is that they want. Because it's uh it's just like people who can't get the dates or the people that they want saying, Oh, I ain't dating nobody. I ain't worried about dating. I ain't I don't really care about that. I ain't got time for that. You just can't get who you want. So you're using that as a pacifier for the fact that you, you know? And it's the same in that type of situation. So it's like, bro, you gotta be honest with yourself, bro. Because you're gonna run into somebody one day who really is only about fun and they don't care about your status, they don't care about your clout, they don't care about your money, they don't care about how many people are throwing themselves at you. I'm here to have fun and I'm out the door. Why? Because I'm getting the same treatment you getting. That doesn't move me. And when that day comes, we're gonna find out if you're telling the truth. That's a fact. It's a real record.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

Because I'm going by what you said. Hey, and that's my get out of jail free card. I'm going by what you said. So don't look at me funny when I was when I, like you say, acquiesce to uh to what it is that we agreed upon and that you led with.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Also, when you see me out in public. Like bro, say, don't be mad when I give you that head nod. Don't be mad when you reach for that that that arm around the neck hug, and I give you the side one on church hug. We said fun. We didn't say courting.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Don't be trying to hug me like you, mine. Don't do that. Messing up what I got right here. You know what I mean? No, I had you last week. This is my right now. Don't play with me. Don't try to mess up what I got. I got your schedule for next week. Don't play with me, dog. Well, you be territorial too, boy.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

I got you in the calendar for the third, nah. This is this the first. Hold on, nigga.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Friday, right? Yeah. Uh-huh. On Friday. Today is Tuesday. Wait your turn, baby.

SPEAKER_08 22:16

Wait your turn.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

That's a cold nigga right there. But I like how you do business.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

Like how you do business. Are we moving this way or not? You know what I'm saying? You cool. I like to rock with you. And you, we may have something. But I'm just, I'm only going off what you said, baby.

unknown 22:33

Hey.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

It's a cold game out there. So your day is Thursday. It's Tuesday. What you what you doing? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 22:43

And if you want to change that, that's something we gotta talk about.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

But for this week, it's already. It's already. I'm booked and busy.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Come on, duh. I'm booked and busy, bitch. All right, bro. We're gonna stay in this realm, man. We're gonna stay with this in this in this realm and women and uh and sex and all that. So we're gonna discuss Jada. Um Jada Pinkett. Jada got a book, and um, you know, she just kind of was expanding, expounding on, you know, being an adulterous wife. Kind of saying she was expounding on she was adulterous. So she was trying to say she was kind of, you know, uh protecting Will. And Will was protecting her because he didn't want her to go through it alone. Because they were, you know, still together and things like that. But she was like, I'll, you know, basically go ahead and bite the bullet and look like the bad guy, you know, in this situation. In which you do look like the bad guy because everything was under wraps. Right. You happened to have a loose canon that came out and told your business. Nobody, everybody, it was always speculation until it came out. So we're gonna play the clip, man. Check your nigga. Tinder. You can't tell them Tinder.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Tinder's Tinder.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Tinder.

SPEAKER_09 24:12

You tell, can I tell the little twist part? Yeah, you tell the little twist. You tell the set it up. Because this when I was ready to throw my book across the room. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

So you know, everything came out, and I was like, oh, I gotta take myself to the table. Like, I got and now mind you, Will and I were not together. We hadn't been together. 2016. And I decided I'm gonna take myself to the table. Will says, I want to come to the table with you. And I was I was really surprised, and I felt, I was like, wow. He's like, I don't want you to be at the table by yourself. I want to support you. So I was like, oh, okay. So he comes to the table, and you know, I try to just, you know, and this is a really complex moment. We come to the table, Bill's not ready. He's not ready. And he's kind of backtracking, and he's going through this motion, and I'm like, So I'm like, well, I'm gonna have to speak my truth, but I'm also gonna protect you. So if I gotta look like the adulteress wife to make sure you're good, I'm gonna do it. Y'all. So, and that wasn't the case. But I wanted him to be okay. Now, also in that moment, two things. As I'm moving forward, I'm also moving backwards. Because of what I realized at that moment.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

She said, I'm gonna bite the bullet because even though we're not together, I know how this is gonna look, I know how it's gonna sound, and I'll take the I'll bite the bullet, I'll be the bad guy in an effort to protect you. Mission failed. I I don't I don't understand how she thought that that was gonna protect him. It's no way. If you wanted to protect him, you should have told him to stay home. Because he was literally sitting at that table, eyes bloodshot red, in tears, almost. Probably was. If they, you know, released the the uncut footage of it. So it's like it's it's it's that aspect of it for me that's interesting. And then there's also the aspect of her positioning herself like a martyr. Mm-hmm. That's exactly what it was. And then you got people in the crowd saying, um, yes, you was protecting them, girls. Yes, you was. Well, what's not being discussed is the person that you decided to have the entanglement with, for one, is was your son's friend at the time, who moved in with y'all because he was having mental issues and he was struggling within this industry. This industry was kicking his ass. He was getting in fights, he was getting arrested, he was getting, you know, just a whole bunch of drama, a whole bunch of things that was going on. He had mental issues, and you guys offered to take him in with the or under the guise of helping him work through that, showing him how to move through this industry, this, that, and the third. You know, Jaden is coming up the same way you coming up, y'all can be link together, we here to give you advice, this, that, and the third. And that turns into you having sex with somebody who's having mental issues.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

A relationship.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Yeah, or an entanglement with somebody who's having many issues. So that's the part of things that's not being discussed. So going back to what you said, it's like, oh, you know, he came out and blew up the spot. Well, he wasn't mentally stable when he got to your house. So how does that turn into a quote unquote entanglement? And that's the part where you can't claim martyrdom for. That's predatory behavior. You understand? That's just like me. Kenzie got a little friend. She's moving in the crib because she's struggling at the house, getting abused, or whatever the case may be. And then I'm in here having sex with my daughter's friend who's getting abused at her house and struggling in life, and this, that, and the third. And I'm supposed to be the one helping to uplift her, providing a safe space. Showing you the way. Showing you the way, helping you navigate. Like, that's not I can't claim to be a martyr when things go wrong, and then I gotta fall on the sword. That ain't no, you're getting what you deserved.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

Yeah. It was wrong from the beginning. I mean, you don't you don't mix yourself in it at all. Um, and I don't know. I can't speak to them and you know what happened, but I just can't see myself getting that vulnerable with somebody despite what they're going through to then take it to that level on multiple occasions to where it's a quote unquote entanglement. Because, you know, you see in the movies people be emotional and you know, all that stuff, and they end up kissing, and one thing leads to another. I get it. Every now and then, I get it. But when it's a continuous thing, like, you know what you're doing, man. You grown.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

And there we go. The age gap. We gotta speak to it. Come on, man. This man was your son's age, or close to at the time. You was 50 something. What are we talking about? Yeah. I mean, like, like when you really break this situation down, like it's it's wrong in so many ways that it's just ridiculous. And the issue is when we call it on being wrong, then we it look like we jumping on Jada or we trying to down Jada or whatever the case may be. No, Jada fucked up. Regardless of what arrangement that y'all had, it's a million men who would love the opportunity to be with you. Just like from the alone conversation we were just talking about. There is no shortage of men there who would have jumped out of the window to have a night or an entanglement with Jada Pinkett. But that's not who you choose. You choose the one who's going through mental issues. And my issue with that is men get killed for the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

I was just about to say that.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Right? Because when we're dating a woman who we know that we don't like, but we know that she likes us, and we continue to extract benefits from her, i.e. sex, i.e. money, i.e. a place to stay, i.e. a car, whatever the case may be, we get looked down upon for doing that. Oh, you should know better. You knew that she didn't like you like that. Why are you dealing with her? Why are you manipulating her? Da-da-da-da. But in this situation, Jada gets to be a martyr. And that's the part that's just confusing to me. Like, I don't I don't understand. This man was incapacitated. It just is what it is. He's still incapacitated to this day. Him moving in with y'all ain't help a goddamn thing. But you took advantage of that. And that's not what's being discussed at these conferences or these podcasts or these interviews. It's no pushback being given. Even when she went to explain about the entanglement, she went on her platform to do it. Curated space, and nobody's gonna push back, ain't nobody gonna challenge it, nobody's gonna be like, well, what was you thinking when well, why did so you get to just get this narrative off, and it's people eating it up. And that's the part that's just like, I don't know, brother.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

It's crazy because anytime it's a woman and she's telling her truth, you get the floor. But a man tells the truth, he gets crucified. 100%. 100%. He they ain't trying to hear it, they ain't trying to hear the excuses. You should have known better. You a man, why you do this, why you do that, you you you know better, you taking advantage of somebody, you being a predator. I mean, just the list goes on and on and on. But the woman can come up and tell her truth and and be given grace. Fam, it's not too often do that, unless you a big pastor, every now and then they let them make it. But outside of that, bro, a man coming and telling his truth is not gonna work in his favor.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Bro, just the age gap alone is a double standard. Could you imagine if a 50-year-old man accepted a 20, 21-year-old girl to come live in his house who was going through mental issues, abuse, and things of that nature, and he embarked upon an entanglement, not a relationship. Because that's different, right? If we, we, you and we'll broke up, whatever, and you engage in a real relationship with this man, you really love this man, you really pouring into him, you really trying to fix him, really trying to lift him up, that's something different. But you self-admittedly engage in entanglement, and what that is is a situationship. That means I'm here for the benefits. I'm not here to elevate you, I'm not here. We just got done talking about it. Fun. Literally. You engaged in fun with somebody who was mentally incapacitated. If it's a man in that situation, he gets killed. Now, mind you, I'm not saying that Jada hadn't got killed. Cause she done got killed too. But it's nowhere near the comparison that it would have been if it was a man. If it was Will doing that. Right. So, you know, those is my only things, man. But, you know, again, I don't, I don't, I don't wish bad on Jada. I don't really care that much, but it's just interesting. Like the reception, just like bro said, being given the floor, being given understanding, being given grace. Men don't get that oftentimes, especially in situations like that.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

And I want to stay here. I want to stay here before we go to QA. We got a little time. We got a little time. Well, I want to stay here because it's not just our community that likes things chaotic. Like a little razzle-dazzle. You know what I'm saying? So we go, Hillary Duff said in her dating and dating the life, she stopped talking to a nice guy. I mean, stopped talking to a guy because he was too nice. She wants something chaotic. Now, this is on brand with what we've been saying about how many times. I feel like every other part, we got an example of this. So one of these days y'all gonna believe us. We won't be just making this shit up.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

That's because women be speaking in in anecdotes. They'll never when we ask you the question generally, we want you to answer it generally. You answer it with what I don't. Right. We're not talking about you. We're talking about the field, clearly. And we're gonna play this clip and see what it is that she had to say about it.

SPEAKER_05 35:29

Nice. That's not really a thing. So you thought it was like almost a red flag that he was too nice.

SPEAKER_04 35:36

I think I was just like not ready to accept all of that yet. I was like coming out of that like a long relationship, a divorce. Like, I I was just like chaotic. Yeah. I think I needed some chaos first. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 35:51

Meeting a nice guy that's actually gonna treat you well. You're like, wait, can you pause for two seconds? Yeah, let me shit together and I'll come back. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Okay, we fresh out of a divorce, fresh out of a heartbreak, fresh out of breaking up assets, and meet a guy nice guy, listens to you, shows up for you, supports you, and you say, Whoa, you're too nice, you're too perfect. I need chaos right now. Oh, what's your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_03 36:29

It's a treacherous game, man. It's a treacherous game, fellas. You cannot be too nice. You cannot. Can you you you have to you have to preserve that for the right woman? Like, every woman does not deserve you being an upstanding gentleman. Every woman does not deserve the time, the effort, the energy, you know, all that that comes with being a great man. Every woman doesn't deserve that. Because as you see, some of these women want you just put their head through the wall and keep it pushing. They don't want you to text them consistently. They they don't want time spent all the time. They want you being rude. They it's just for some reason, it's just what they want. And it goes back to the other topics that we were talking about. Like that that nice guy stuff, it don't get you nowhere, unfortunately. Until it even when you're with your woman, who's who's supposed to be your woman. You cannot be all the way nice all the time. Elaborate on that. Because eventually she's gonna start to take advantage of that. Even if it's your woman, you have to set the record straight. You gotta put it in her place. And it's the thing, too. Like, I think being nice too is just letting her have her way all the time. It's not necessarily saying that she's just running over you, but it's just as a man, you may love or care about that person so much. You just want them to, like, you want them to have what you have. You want them to enjoy everything. You want them to be happy all the time. They don't want to be happy all the time. Let me tell you that right now. They don't. He can't apply today.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

He can't apply today.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Go ahead. They don't want to be happy all the time. You have to throw them for a loop some kind of way. But I don't want to say throw them for a loop. You have to tell them no. You have to be a man, you have to stand on your principles, you have to stand on your word. You have to every now and then just shoot. Yeah, I didn't come straight home. Well, where'd you go? I I went to the mall. Why'd you go to the mall? I felt like it. Because they don't women like to dig and dig and dig. Because I just felt like doing this. Yes, I I kind of threw you. I didn't I didn't come straight home. It took me an hour to get home and normally take me 30 minutes. I understand. But this is what I wanted to do. And that's just what it is. Not what. I ain't cheating. I ain't, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know, bro. Women just women do not know what they want. I love y'all so much. I do from the bottom of my heart. But y'all don't know what y'all want. And if y'all don't know what y'all want, how the hell are we gonna know what y'all want? How can we support y'all when y'all don't even know?

SPEAKER_06 39:08

No, baby.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

This the whole I miss, man. This is the old I miss. My voice back. This is the old I miss. Oh no, no. Hey. God damn it. If we had holy water in it, I throw it in the air. The end of the day, man. Too much of anything can be bad, consistency included. And what bro saying is 100% right. And for every woman who will say it's not true, it's 10 women who know deep down it is true. If things are too consistent, if there has to be a shakeup, there has to be some excitement, there has to be some fun as a man, and that's what a lot of men don't realize. They get into these relationships and you try to acquiesce to everything that this woman wants, and then you realize that damn, she's not respecting me the same way that she used to. She's not going above and beyond to do the same things for me that she used to. And the reason being is because you are no longer the man that she fell in love with. Because every concession you make takes away from the respect that this woman has for you. It just is what it is. And that and that's not saying that you don't respect her thought process. So you don't here and there, you know, bend to, you know, allow her to get her way here and there, whatever the case may be. But you got certain men who are getting a relationship, and because they don't feel like arguing, or because that they don't feel like dealing with a cold shoulder or not getting sex, they get to bending and bending and bending and bending and acquiescing to everything that this woman wants. So much so to the point where she's dictating a relationship. No woman wants to dictate her relationship. It just is what it is. They may say they want that, but they don't want to dictate their relationship. They want a man who's gonna say, you know what? No. We're not going out this weekend. We gotta save some paper. Or no, you can't stay out all night with your girls. You need to bring your ass back here at a decent time. Stop playing with me. Like, don't make me come up there. Sometimes she needs to hear that.

SPEAKER_09 41:06

They go, ooh-hoo!

SPEAKER_01 41:07

There you go. That's what I'm saying. But if you like, well, yeah, baby, go ahead. You can stay as long as you want. Don't worry about it yet. I ain't asking no questions. You can do what that. No, she's gonna lose respect for you. That's a fact. Because there's nothing to respect. A woman wants to look up to her man, not eye to eye with him.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

That's literally what I was gonna say, bro. If more than anything, because she's having her way, she's gonna lose respect for you at the end of the day. She wants to spend time. But guess what? Right now, I don't have time. We got bills to pay. Like, I gotta go on tour. I gotta go sell some merch. I gotta go record these podcasts, I gotta go pick up another job on the side, something like that. I'm not gonna be home more than I used to be. I'm sorry. So, what are you gonna do about that? You gonna complain about not us not being where we wanna be, or do you want me to be up under you 24-7 to where you always know what I'm doing, always, you know, uh checking my location and things like that. You always know where I'm at. But if I'm busy, that's gonna keep you more on your toes. If I may be out one time when I ain't been out in six months, now you up all night checking where I'm at, checking the businesses around and the things trying to try to pinpoint what I'm doing and who I'm with. Right. Like you just for unfortunately you just have to do that.

SPEAKER_01 42:31

Bruh, it's like as a man, fair or not, you are measured by your productivity. It is what it is. By society, by your woman, by other men. You are measured by your productivity. So, just like bro was saying, women do want a lot of your time. Women want a lot of things that are unrealistic. Because the fact is, any man that's successful, or any man who's touching some real paper, or any man who got some real emotion, you know the first thing that's sacrificed in that type of situation? Time. There is no way for me to lay up under you all day long and go out here and make all this paper that I that I was making when you met me. There is no way for me to go on a date with you every single day of the week and turn down opportunities that could potentially elevate what it is that I got going. If you want a man that makes a lot of money, if you want a man that's successful, you gotta be willing to sacrifice the time for it. But the mistake that a lot of men make is they woman get to, again, nagging and getting the saying she wants more time, she wants this, she wants that, and then you get to slowing your hustle down so much, thinking that that's gonna make things right, and it's not because now all of a sudden, when you're spending all this time with her, guess what she still wants to do? She wants to travel. She wants to buy things that cost a lot more money than what you would spend if you was with her. She wants to go out to eat at nice places, all of these things, and all of that costs money. So, yes, you spend a lot of time with her. But then when she says, Well, baby, when we're going to go out on a date, baby, why we haven't gone somewhere? Why we haven't traveled? And you say, Well, baby, we can't afford it. That's gonna bring about a whole different set of problems. So you're damned if you do, you damned if you don't. Women are gonna complain. Women are gonna request things. That's just how they are. But as a man, it's on you to be the level setter. It's on you to be even killed. It's on you to be looking down the line. I think women are hypersensitive to the right now. Men, we look down the line. Facts. But when you start trying to be hypersensitive to the right now the same way that your woman is, she's gonna lose respect for you. And you're gonna lose your emotion and you're gonna be less successful, and she's gonna lose interest in you as a result of that and go to another man who's doing all of the shit that she complained to you about doing. That's the reality of this shit. You gotta stand on something as a man. It just is what it is. Women don't respect a man that they could just step over and tell what to do and dictate how they move. They'll never respect that man. I don't care how much you acquiesce. They want a man who knows what it is that he got going on, who eyes always again on the finish line, who know, hey, baby, we can't do that right now. Nope. We we we not going there. Nope. You ain't going out with them girls. I don't, I don't, I don't trust them. You not doing that. Stay your ass home. Ain't no super loud in your face, hands all on your face. Grown men not going for that. Women don't respect a man that let you let her do that. Sit your ass down some. Stop playing with me. That's what they respect. And if you're not capable of doing that as a man, you will never maintain a long-term relationship. Ever. You think that you're doing your relationship a favor by doing everything that she wants to do, but what you're doing is you allowing her to dictate it. And like I said, no woman wants to dictate her relationship. I don't care what she says.

SPEAKER_03 45:58

That's a fact. Hey, fellas, if I had one thing to say to you, I would just say give her reassurance. Even when she is unsure of what she wants or it seems like she wasn't too much, just reassure her. Hey, this is what we're doing. You ain't gotta be all macho and you you ain't gotta do all that. You just say, hey, this is what we're doing. Plain and simple. Keep it real simple. We're not doing this today. We could do it next week. Or we're not doing this tonight, we're gonna do it in two days. Like whatever it is. Just reassure her, it's gonna be taken care of. We're gonna do X, Y, Z. It's just not gonna be today. It's not gonna be all the time when you want it. And she has to understand that. And if she can't respect that, then it ain't the woman for you, man. You gotta move on. Because you you laid it out. And and she chose you for a reason. And if she questioning things, then hey, that's an issue and a talk that y'all gotta have.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Brother's just like in the corporate world, you hire somebody to come in here and be the manager, and then they get in here and you telling the manager what to do. Why am I paying you all this extra money? Why do you have the hierarchy on the raking system that you do if I'm making a decision? It just is what it is. Everybody at the job is gonna have complaints. Is what it is. It's their job to voice those to you, but at the end of the day, you the one in the managerial position. You the one in the administrative position. You gotta take into account what they say and figure out what the best route that we're gonna move forward. Everybody ain't gonna agree with it. Everybody ain't supposed to.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 47:29

But that's what they hired you for, is to have that forethought and have that vision. But if you're making your decisions, all your decisions based on what they're saying, what the point, what is the point of you being in that position to begin with? Man, you are pegged with leadership. It is what it is. Everybody ain't gonna agree with your style of leading. Everybody ain't gonna agree with every decision you make from a leadership perspective. But they hired you to lead. She got with you to lead. And the second that you stop doing that, she's gonna lose respect for you. Because if she has to lead, what is the point of you being there?

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Tell you, man. Again, a lot of these women don't know what they want, bro. They don't. They're gonna talk about going out to eat. Like some of these women, their um date is always going out to eat. You always take out to eat, then that's not gonna be enough. That's gonna be well, why you not being more romantic? Why you not being more creative? Why we not going to museums? Come on, why we not doing man? I'm telling you, bro. Just hey, do what you do. You know what I'm saying? Get as as balanced as you can be. You know what I'm saying? Try to work what you can, but I'm telling you, man, like they'll say one thing one day, and then six months later they'll be on to something else. So, and it's it's all the time. Women's feelings are forever fleeting. So take your time and lead your woman correctly. Because if you constantly listen to her, it ain't gonna end well.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

That's the part I understand as men, like it's like you see how irrational women are all the time. Right? Like, for instance, when y'all get in arguments and she tells you, don't ever text me again. And then you don't text her for a few hours. She said, So really you just done gave up on me. Or a woman, you you over there arguing with her, and she says, Get out of my house. I don't ever want to see you again. And then you leave and go home. He said, Well, you didn't fight for me. Women are gonna say a lot of things. But at the end of the day, as a man, like you gotta be cognizant of that and you gotta know your woman and you gotta know what means what. You gotta know, be able to read the urgency of the situation, and then make a decision based on that. But if you make your decisions based on her up and down feelings, women are unstable emotionally. It just is what it is. They can't even explain half of the shit they be doing and saying. So as a man, like you gotta learn your woman, realize what has urgency, what needs to be paid attention to, and what's just her talking or venting and move accordingly. But if you're making decisions in a relationship based off of how she feels on any given day, good luck. Good luck, brother. It ain't gonna last.

SPEAKER_03 50:31

Speaking of, I got I got I wanna one more, one more while we're here. Let's do it. So I thought this was kind of dope. And um, you know, it's it's a lot that we can kind of cover from this, but I think just a general situation that just happened, I just think it's it's dope. So um Ari Lennox was getting some gas at a at a gas station and and Moneybag Yo had filled up her tank. And so she was with her friend, who happened to be a male friend, her male, I don't know if it's her best friend, but he was a good friend of hers. And uh he was like, Why you ain't, you know, why you ain't tell him thank you? You know, and she was on some like that's what he was supposed to do. But it's just that it's that him being a man, understanding like even that small gesture is worth a thank you. Like that simple. We're not asking for you to roll out the red carpet, nothing like just an acknowledgement of what we're doing.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

We're gonna go on play the clip, man, and break it down a bit further.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Yeah, because I will get on there.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

Yeah, and to just leave like that after something like this, look like you ain't got a car, but y'all got what you mean?

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Leave like what?

SPEAKER_03 51:46

What I was saying, like, thank you, man. That's his literal job, right?

SPEAKER_00 51:52

And he's following us. We're just departing ways, we're going to the same place. Actually, he does say thank you. That's a dog. He does say thank you every time I do. Hello. Hey, um, I was calling her to thank you. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Thank you for checking me. That's what a good friend does.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

I love and I love that too. Like it had to, I feel like it had to click for her, but I do appreciate the acknowledgement that she was like, I appreciate you checking me for that. Because I I I definitely think well, I don't know then, but it seems like from the video, up until that point, she probably didn't realize, you know, she'd just drive off or something like that. And I think a lot of women taking it off of her, I think a lot of women are in the same situation where there are a lot of men who do so much good often, and just solid niggas in general, that going back to like we said before, like women just take advantage of that stuff, man. And and we really don't get the appreciation that we should when it's like if you only knew what these other women are dealing with. I see women all the time pump their own gas with a man sitting in the passenger seat. Right. I see it all the time. And this man pulling up, y'all driving separate cars, he's pumping the gas for you, you know what I'm saying? Y'all going about your way. A lot of men not gonna do that. He like, that ain't my car. I ain't gonna fill it up. That's just what it is. So I just think ladies really um kind of be more mindful. You know what I mean? Like in the future, be more mindful about the things that that your man is doing for you. Um, it may not seem like a lot, and and you really don't have to do a lot. Again, we're not asking for gifts, we're not asking for gestures. It's just a simple acknowledgement, like, hey, thank you. I really appreciate you. I appreciate you for waking the kids up every single morning and and getting them to school while I get ready for work. Like I really appreciate the small things that you're doing. I I appreciate you for always showing up when I need you. If I gotta go to a doctor, you taking off with me, or you know what I'm saying, like you just, you, you helping out around the house all the time. If I'm not feeling well, you always stepping up. I really, you know, I just want to tell you, I really appreciate, you know, what you're doing. And it's not, you know what I'm saying, it is it it doesn't call for much. And that's all we ask. We just want the acknowledgement. Again, man, we don't don't give us no gifts. We don't we don't care about all that. Would it be nice? Absolutely. But it's just the acknowledgement because we like, okay, she sees it and she's aware. And that's that makes us more appreciative than anything. It's just knowing that you appreciate the things that we do because we make it look easy. And that's the crazy part. Like, we make shit look easy when it really don't be. It's like it's like you being at work and yeah, we gotta be there, you know, for eight hours, but we really be done in like four hours. Right. But you still spend that other time just trying to get creative or just maximizing the time that you do that because you have to be there for the whole time. So it gotta be done regardless. And other people, they may be struggling. They, you know, they may have to take some of their work home. But I'm doing this work in three, four hours, and I'm I'm really I'm chilling and coasting the rest of the day. So it's just that acknowledgement, man. We we really do appreciate that and and would love if y'all just vocalize it just a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 55:38

Yeah, I agree. I think um, you know, a woman's circle is of the utmost importance. I think that don't get spoken on enough. When you got people around you who can really hold you accountable and really say things to you that may be unpopular or whatever the case may be, um, at the risk of losing your friendship, let's be honest. Ari is somebody who got a lot of papers, you got a lot of clout, she got a lot of status, right? So even saying something like that is a risk to her. You got people who have successful friends that they are afraid to criticize. They are afraid to say anything that may upset them or whatever the case may be. And because of that, you will have a situation like that continuing. Let's just be honest, she's always been the it girl. So she's used to men doing things for her like that at all times. She's so used to it to where it's not seen as anything special. But that's why you gotta have that person with you that's gonna keep you grounded and be like, nah, that ain't normal. You know, it's a lot of dudes out here that wouldn't have done that. Or they would have just sent you the bread to do it and you do it on your own or whatever the case may be. But it's like little things like that just to give you that reminder that, nah, you got somebody solid and you need to move like you got somebody solid. They not as replaceable as you think they are. So that's that's my first thought listening to it. Second thought is salute to her for how solid she is for taking that criticism and applying it immediately. Right. Cause that don't happen. A lot of times, motherfucker would have argued them down, like, oh, that's what they supposed to be doing up to. Oh, okay, well, we just gonna read it, disagree, because da da da. Right. She didn't do that. She just thought about it, you say, damn, you know what? You're right. Damn, okay. He does say thank you every time I do something for him. Hold on. I ain't even I never I never thought about it like that. Every single time. Every time. You understand? So it's like for her to be able to process that that fast and implement it, that's a like big salute to like how solid she is as a woman, how much she really loves dude. Because she could have just not said nothing at all. It just kept it, just kept it pushing, just, you know what I mean, just kind of been in her ego or whatever. But, you know, she didn't. She called bro immediately, said thank you. And just like you said, like, you don't realize how much that that does for a man. That that that 15-second conversation got him feeling like Superman. His chest is out. Cause I done did something for my girl. I done went out of my way to do something for her, and she appreciated. She called me and let me know how much she appreciated. That means everything. Cause don't get me wrong, a man that loves you is gonna do things for you regardless. Just is what it is. Being a man a lot of times is a thankless job. Let's just put it on the table. Like, you don't get, like, I was watching the draft uh last year. And I noticed that a lot of the guys who get drafted, you know, when they get their interview and they say, Man, who you want to thank? Man, salute to mom, salute to my mama, man. I just want to thank her. Da. Now, this is dudes who coming from households with mother and father in them. But it's a, hey man, salute to my mom's, man. She was there, boom, boom. I appreciate her. Love you, mama. Like, that's a that's a thing. Even when the dad is in the house, mind you, the dad was paying all the bills. The dad was the backbone of the situation. The dad sat back and let the mom shine and everything of that nature. But he was the one behind the scenes saying, okay, boom, you know what? Okay, that's what you want to do. I got you. Let me get the paper together for it. Let me do this, let me do that. He the one really is the backbone of that situation. But it's like it's a thankless job. And that's why a lot of men, even dating women who have kids, don't want to do it. Because it's a thankless job. You're not gonna get credit for it. You done invested a lot of time in this kid that's not yours biologically. You at practices, you at PTA meetings, you in school, you doing this, you pouring into him at nights, late at late nights. Y'all watching the game, you giving him a whole bunch of life lessons and game and all of these things that's gonna go unappreciated. The life of a man oftentimes is unappreciated. He could be paying all the bills. Like he could like it's it's some women who are in relationships with a man who they've never heard no from. Ever. Anything she wanna do, okay. Okay. I got you. Okay. I'm gonna figure it out. But again, does that man get the gratitude a lot of times that he deserves? No. So to watch something like that, it just kind of brings all of that home. And I'm just glad that, like I say, she was solid enough to realize, damn, nah, having a good dude is rare. And I need to make my man feel like it's rare. Because a lot of women don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

Yes, sir. Well said, well said. Alright, man, let's get to this QA. Uh-oh. Let's get to this QA. And we still don't have a name for this segment. Nah, we haven't.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:59

Salute to T, man. She's been trying to give us one. You know what I mean? T on Patreon. But like I say, it ain't nothing been concrete yet. It ain't stick yet. We still trying to, you know what I mean? But basically we're gonna get by episode 10, we're gonna have a name for Q ⁇ A. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:15

We listening, we taking all you know suggestions for sure. Okay. Damn, this is a good question. We can start right here. Damn. Let's do it. All right, as men, how do you show love to yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:34

Again, man, salute to you from Patreon. Um, because if I'm not mistaken, I think that's hers. Um how do you show yourself love as men?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

How do you show yourself? How do you show as men, how do you show love to yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

I don't I don't even think men know how to show ourselves love. I think that most men get our love for ourselves from what we do for other people. Like we feel our best, and I'm speaking men who got families, men who got a woman, got kids, things of that nature. We feel our best when they're having fun or when they can do the things that they wanna do. You know, that's when we feel our best. Like, don't get me wrong, like we're gonna go buy ourselves nice clothes here and there, or you know, get us a little car or something. You know, we're gonna do a little something for ourselves here and there, but it's not gonna be like the main time of our being is gonna be given. That's where we get our most fulfillment from. That's where we feel like men at. You know, it's been historically look, you know, dad got socks and ties for Christmas while, you know, his old lady got an expensive bag or some shoes, or the kid got a goddamn bike, or the remote-controlled car, or doll set, or all types of shit. He ain't getting nothing but watch him while they opening up them gifts. He the proudest man in the world. Because he made it happen. You understand? And I think as men, like, again, our fulfillment comes from what we can do for everybody else. And it's not just family, it's friends as well. Like, I'm I'm the type of person, bro, to where I enjoy my friends and people that I love and family and people that's close to me. I enjoy them reaping the benefits of my success more than I enjoy me reaping those benefits. Genuinely. You know? It's like because it's I've been trying to figure out why that is, but I think it has something to do with like legacy as a man. I think as men, we start thinking about legacy and how we're gonna be remembered earlier than women do. And as a man, you wanna be remembered for being solid. You want to be remembered for how many people you took care of, or how many people you influenced, or how many people you helped out, or things of that nature. Like, that's where we get our flowers, quote unquote, at the at the end of the day. Because when you're gone, you can't take none of this material shit with you. Can't take none of the money with you, none of the watches, none of the cars, none of that. But what's gonna be there is man, y'all don't even understand. Dude used to be so solid. Man, he looked out for me one time. I was short on my rent, he gave me a thousand, though. I was such and such, I ain't had nothing to wear. He took the shirt off his back and gave it to me. He did this for me and my family. Mama was short on the light bill. He was able to. That's what you're gonna be remembered for. You know what I mean? And I think men are cognizant of that early, and we kind of move like that, even at a young age. So our fulfillment oftentimes comes from other people's enjoyment of the work we put in.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:00

Yeah, I I agree a lot to that. I think especially like I think about, especially when I was younger, you know, had the apartment and would have all the kickbacks and things like that, like, that's where I got joy just inviting people over, cooking for them, you know, having some look, and it's like, you know, what you want me to bring, man. First off, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:22

First off, not to cut you off. For those who don't know, O Korea was the spot. Facts. That's a fact. It was the spot.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:31

Everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:32

Like everybody came to Bro Korea before we did anything. His crib was the spot. I just want to put that out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:40

That's a fact. And it was, you know what I'm saying? Like holidays, Memorial Day, Labor Day, July. It didn't matter what it was. It was like, hey, I gotta put some stuff on the pit, buy some food, you know what I'm saying? Y'all come eat, come kick it, just chill, have a good time. I I didn't, hey, you ain't gotta bring that. If you if you want to bring something, it's gonna be extra. Right. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, I ain't gotta, you know what I'm saying, do nothing. Um and I just, you know what I'm saying? While everybody having a good time, I'm on the grill and I'm outside sweating, yeah, but everybody dressed up and they fits and shit. I'm I got barbecue stains and charcoal stains, smelling like smoke, and I but I don't care. I don't care because I'm just everybody having a good time. I'm still enjoying everybody. We we kicking it or whatever. It just that's like that brought fulfillment to me because that's you know, similar things that my family did coming up. Right. And so I wanted to just create the same environment. And I knew that, you know, my family and friends was looking for some stuff to do. So I'm like, shit, y'all come over here. I ain't doing we ain't doing nothing else anyway. Right. Might as well be in the comfort of of people that we know and familiarity, or we know ain't gonna be nothing crazy going on. Like we could just, you know what I'm saying, kick it. We actually had several relationships come out of these kickbacks and things like that. So you know what I mean? Friendships as well. You know what I'm saying? So it was just it was dope creating those type of environments. But I think um also too that now I try to be a little more intentional, you know, with with things that I'm doing by myself. I try to get a massage or something when I can. You know what I mean? I of course I like getting my hair cut. It's just, you know, just certain things um just to kind of thank myself. It's almost like like you deserve this. You know what I mean? Like when we'll be out, we'll go have a nice dinner. You know what I mean? It's like small things like that. It's like like, yeah, we why why not? You know what I mean? Like, like why not? It ain't gotta be a special occasion or nothing like that. It's just because we can do it. We can do it, we deserve it. Why not have a, you know what I'm saying, nice meal? We ain't gotta dress up all the way. But just the fact that you getting out the house and just doing something that you want to do for you. Yeah. And you don't have to think about, you know what I'm saying, as there are other people.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:54

Yeah, I mean, I think that that type of thing, type of thing is necessary, bro. Especially when you're solid. You understand? And and one thing about bro, which I don't think I ever said on the pod, is like, bro done looked out for so many people. I done I done seen it with my eyes. Came let them live with them, help them out, put money in their pockets, like, give them advice, give them game, give them all type of stuff. Because bro always been way more of a people person than I am. So the fact that you learning how to finally look out for you and be a be a little bit selfish makes me happy.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:36

You understand? And that's just like genuine shit that I done seen. You understand? Bro been looking out for me since I was a kid. You understand? Like, I done seen them whoop niggas for me. You understand? All type of shit. So it's like to see you finally taking that time to be like, you know what, let me start doing some shit for me. I think that's a lot of the utmost importance. I think men need to start thinking in those terms more. And again, I'm speaking for the solid men. I'm not talking about men who's selfish and who always looking out for them and throwing people under the bus and whatever, stepping on people to for a, you know, up, up in the world, whatever it case. I'm talking about the people who solid, who look out for people and things of that nature. A lot of times, bro, like we don't start looking out for us until it's too late. You know.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:22

And you know what's crazy too to add to that? Like, the crazy part about that too, is with you doing stuff for yourself, when you're used to doing so much for everybody, you still feel bad when you do for yourself. A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:36

That's a fact.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:37

You know what I mean? Like, can I even think about like I I'll put myself in shit, like with me and my wife. You know what I'm saying? Like, we'll go somewhere nice, and then you know, I'll let her know where we went, and then you know, she asks, and it's like, oh, y'all went? Oh, okay, okay. But I'm like, damn. Yeah, man, we ain't been in this spot. But in my head, I'm trying not to be defensive. I'm like, we done been out, we just ain't been in this spot. Wow. You know what I'm saying? So now I'm like, okay, so now I gotta find some time and take babies or she can experience it so she can see how it feels and things like that. But every now and then it's like, yes, I did. And what? You know what I mean? Yes, I did. Yes. You went you went to a few spots that I ain't been to yet with your girls. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:22

So you know what I'm saying? So yes, I did. And it could be small thing. I'm to my fast food restaurants that your old lady ain't trying. Like, you feel guilty for going to order something from there without at least getting us something. You know what I mean? But again, that's the you know the irony about all this is that women get a lot of credit for being nurturers. I think men are nurturers as well.

unknown 1:10:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:46

You understand? Like, that's our way of taking care of everybody, making sure everybody's straight. I think most men who are really grown men, again, I'm not talking about men who are selfish, who look out for themselves. I'm talking about most men, grown ass men. We the type of people, bro, like we're gonna make sure everybody eats before we do. We're gonna make sure everybody's taken care of before we do. If we going somewhere, we want all our guys to look nice. We want everybody to look good. If we out with our girl, like, baby, whatever you want to order. A lot of times a restaurant, whatever you want to go, because we ain't even tripping like that for real. You understand? But it's like we gonna make sure everybody around us is good and then focus on getting ourselves right. And we don't get the credit for nurturing the way women do. But that's the reality.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:35

That's a fact. Have you? I just thought about this too, real quick. Like, do you, I'm pretty sure you do. Like, you asked, like, what you want to eat tonight?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:43

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:44

Or Kenzie, like, what you want to eat?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:45

She don't never know. Well, Ken's know. But mama don't never know.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:50

Have you ever said that? Listen to my baby. Have you ever this what this what we eating tonight? Have you ever said that?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:57

Yeah, but I but I say, even when I say that, it's up that you don't have some thoughts that I know something that's gonna be in pocket with what my old lady wants. Facts. It's just real. I mean, I know, because that that's one thing about women. Women make it very clear what they don't want. But what they do want, they don't really know. So, as men, when we making a decision, we done already crossed certain restaurants out just based on what we know she doesn't want. So that way when we slam that domino home, like, nah, we eating this tonight, what you want from there? We know it's something that's that's that's that's in the pocket of what she gonna want. You understand? So, yeah. Yeah, man. Slug my whole life.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:40

Giving y'all a free gang. Hey, this is real life. This is real life over here. All right. Uh listen, man. This one, this one's gonna start getting start getting on your ass. I don't know about B, but I'm getting on your ass. Somebody said, Is it wrong to engage in temporary relationships? Like you know it's going nowhere, but y'all have fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:09

I mean, I said it earlier, so I gotta stand on it. I don't I don't think it's necessarily anything wrong with it. I think that as people, you gotta be honest with where you are in your life. But I think a lot of people enter into quote unquote fun relationships wanting more, but because they know that that person doesn't want more, I'm gonna settle and I'm gonna accept the fun because that's how I can keep them close to me. If I tell them that, nah, I don't want fun, I want to be with you exclusively, that's gonna run them away. And a lot of people know that, so they make the decision based on that. That I frown upon, but in terms of somebody who 100% means, like, look, this stage in my life, I don't really have time to give you what I need to give you for a relationship to be successful. So we can kick it, we can travel, we can go on dates, we can have sex, whatever the case may be. But this is fun. That's it. If both people, pardon me, if both people are really on course with that and really willing to stand on that, I'm all for it. But the reality is both people are not in most cases.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:23

It's very, very rare. And the crazy part is it like that when you know it's not going nowhere, that's to you. Because yes, y'all may have had that conversation, but again, you hanging out, and it's it's an amazing time. You are having great conversations. The sex is good. Y'all do have chemistry, y'all laugh, and y'all enjoy a lot of the same things. That can get confusing. I can see how that can get confusing. But if you don't want nothing, or if that person don't want nothing, you have to always remember and reiterate that this ain't going nowhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:56

There we go. As you gotta like this, you know what I mean? You gotta you got a legendary clip out there about the reiteration piece. Um, to where you were saying, Well, damn, I told you from the beginning of this situation that I didn't want nothing serious. How much I gotta reiterate it? I gotta reiterate it every damn week, or like what's the so looking back on that and your mindset now, what should that reiteration look like? If you're in it for just fun, what should that reiteration look like?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:29

You know, as funny as it is. Some of that reiteration is some of my actions. And some of those actions would be I'm not texting you every day, I'm texting you every three days, or when I'm trying to hang out, like that's it, that's all. This is I'm not saying necessarily I'm gonna call it transactional, but it's we know what this is. And I think a lot of times you'll mix it. Because again, you attracted to that person, y'all having a good time, you got some chemistry, and it's it's dope. It's a dope situation. But you have to keep it to what it is. Right. You can't let the attraction blind you. You can't let the sex blind you. You can't let the amazing head blind you. Because that will have you all over the place. You know, in deep waters. So, yeah, man, you just gotta just again just reiterate and then and or just not all be all the way in. Because I think too, sometimes, you know, you'll say you're not all the way in, but you'll be all the way in. Like that person shouldn't have as much access to you if it's really like that. You should be busy, you should be doing other things than making time for them all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:49

I agree. But it's also, again, and I gotta, fellas, I gotta, I gotta keep it real. Running into a woman who actually willing to stand on that is jarring. That is. Like, it's eye-opening. Because as men, we go into the situation, again, I'm talking about a situation that we both agree this is fun and that's it. As men, like, we almost have an expectation that eventually y'all gonna develop feelings.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:21

She's gonna cave.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:22

But when she doesn't, and when she initiates the boundary and the reiteration of the boundary, as a man, you get the feeling like, hold on. What is it about me that's got her so comfortable uh letting me do what it is that I want to do and her doing what it is that she wants to do. As a man, like that makes you look at a lot of things different. You be like, hold on. So now you find yourself, if not even for interest, just for ego purposes, investing more in a situation than you should or than you agreed to, simply because she's not moving based on what your expectations was. And that's humbling as a man.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:10

When you having a good time, you out, you spin out of her crib, and then in the morning seven o'clock. She tapping you.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:24

She pull your move. Hey, I gotta go to work. I gotta go to the airport. Brother, you in a deep sleep. You weren't trying to wake up for another two hours. You in a deep sleep. Hey. You work on Saturdays?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:45

Oh, I gotta go to church. That happens. It is how you gonna argue with that. Okay. I mean, she was calling for God last night. But you know, it's neither here nor there.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:00

All right, man. Uh is expecting to text someone every day common or egotistical?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:11

Um, I think it depends on the level of the relationship. I think that somebody that I like, somebody that I want something with, I want to hear from every day. Period. Like, and again, we ain't gotta be on the phone for hours every day. But I need to hear from my person every day. I need to make sure that you're good, make sure you don't need nothing, let you know what's going on with me, or whatever the case may be, but I don't want you to be dealing with something or going through something that I don't know about and I don't hear about for days at a time. That's just not reality. If I'm comfortable with not hearing from you every day, I don't really like you like that. Now, again, it's different if I got something very important going on, right? Like I'm overseas on a top secret G14 classified mission or something like that, that's hey, that's out of our control. But if we're working a regular job and going two, three days without talking to you, they don't really like you like that. That's just my take on it. What do you think? No, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:15

Yeah, depending on the our relationship. If we just got a situation ship, something like that, I'm not texting you every day. I'm gonna tell you now. Right. This is single me. Okay. I'm married now. I'm taking happily. Happily taken. When I was single, no, you're not getting a text from me every day. And if anything, I'm gonna wait sometimes to see if you text me. Cause I'ma see what type of interest this is. Is it just a one-way street? Or do you have some interest as well? Because I'm not about to continue pursuing you and then you just thinking that, oh yeah, he's gonna text me. No, mm-mm. No, that don't that don't fly on my end, baby. It don't fly on my end. Um, but yeah, if I'm if we're serious and we locked in, absolutely. It's every day. First thing in the morning, midday check-in, and then when I'm headed home, something like that. You know what I mean? Like, with maybe a phone call, if not, because we're too busy, it's at least a check-in, a text, hey, how you doing? I'm thinking about you. You ate, yeah, you need some food, let me send you something, like, whatever it is. It's gonna be something along those lines to let you know I'm, you know, I'm thinking about you.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:23

Yeah, because like if you look at it, bruh, like in the grand scheme of things, when something good happens to you, what's the first person you think about? Yeah. When something bad happens to you, what's the first person you think about? Mm-hmm. So it's like, if these things are happening to me, and again, everybody goes through ebbs and flows, this was a good day, this is a bad day, this was whatever, whatever. So if these things are happening to you and you thinking about that person and you can't hear from them, or if these things are happening to you and you don't think about that person, that ain't somebody that you really like like that. You understand? Because I I want to hear from all that. I want to tell her, yeah, baby, today, man, we ch we hit it, we hit a uh million views on a video. We did it, boom, we I just locked in a sponsorship for 30,000. I'm I want to talk to my old lady about this type of stuff. So it's like if I'm comfortable just we going two, three, four days at a time without talking, I I don't really care about you like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:28

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:29

And thinking about the conversation too. That's another thing. What type of conversations are we having? True. Like if it's only when you pulling up that lets you know all you just scroll through the thread. What you do, what you doing when you pull it up. What you doing. Let me know when you're outside. It's a car. What's the gay code? That's it.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:56

Uh that's it.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:57

I'm outside. Like, that's the it ain't no real exchanges, ain't no paragraphs in there. It's short and sweet. I'm not even asking when you made it home.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:08

Tell you the truth. But but that's the that's that's the game, though. You know what I mean? And that's what's so messed up about society, bro, is that damn near, like entering into talking to somebody, I mean entering into talking to somebody, you gotta act like you don't like them like that. Just to maintain leverage. And you may like them a lot. Like you, damn, this motherfucker cool as hell. Oh, she flies, she. But then you gotta kind of tone that down to it's just like, bro, I'm man, I'm I'm 36, bro. I ain't got time for the games. If I like somebody, I want to talk to you every day, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:43

Every simple as that. Every day. Oh man. Speaking of not talking to somebody. How could I get my avoidant ex to talk to me? I'm trying to rebuild the relationship. I think it's over. He's avoiding you for a reason. Nigga in a cave down. My avoidant ex? How can I get my avoidant ex to talk to me? Ain't no rebuilding, brother. Ain't none. I'm sorry. It ain't happening. Hey, do not pass gold. Do not collect$200. Chill. Just hey, find somebody else. Find somebody that's gonna want to talk to you. Find somebody that's not avoiding you. You chasing and she's running away. And that's not what we need. I'm on better for you. I'm gonna better for you. I want you to be with somebody who y'all are, you know, in the same realm, same atmosphere, same energy, and you don't have to ask these type of questions. And I love you enough to tell you, you know, that that that's just what it is, man. You ain't done, don't be doing too much, man. Don't be doing too much. You may think that that person is the one, because y'all may have had some type of special thing going on. It could be some type of a bonding that that went on that y'all had in common or a first that you can't get rid of, but nah man, I think it's a wrap. If she's avoiding you, it's for a reason. And ain't nothing you can do to turn her back. So don't don't try to over just over do it, man. Just chill. Just chill. Because it ain't it ain't gonna do nothing but make you look worse. It's gonna make you look desperate. And we don't need that for you. We expect better from you. Especially if you in the Trill Academy.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:37

Facts. Um, I think that the reality of violating is that the reconciliation is no longer in your control. It's no longer on your time. I think that a lot of men, people, I ain't gonna even put that on men, feel like, okay, I violated, I apologized. How long does this gotta last before we pick up where we left off? And the reality is you have no control over that. Once you hurt that person, you can't dictate their healing process. You can't rush it, you can't try to, you know what I mean, kind of guide how it is that they move. You gotta, again, show attrition, for one. Two, show change behavior. Three, communicate your apology and how sorry you is and and things of that nature. And after that, you gotta sit back and let the chips fall where they may. And that's hard. Because a lot of times when you violate, that's when things become crystal clear how important this person is. When that access to them is lost now. You used to be able to call them whenever. Now they not answering the phone. Used to be able to pull up whenever. But now you pulling up and they gone somewhere, or they ain't there, or the door's locked, or you know what I mean? Whatever the case may be. Like that access that you had to them is no longer there, and that's hard to accept. And you didn't really realize that, or you didn't really accept that until it was too late. So I think the reality of the situation is we gotta accept the fact that the reconciliation process is not in our control. It's just not. When you're the offender, it ain't in your control. So all you can do is continue to show change behavior and continue to check in with her here and there. Again, I'm not saying every day, because that's talker ish. But maybe every couple weeks, you know, checking, hey, I just want to make sure you're good, everything's straight, you need something, boom. If she, no, I don't want to talk, whatever. Oh, hey, say no more, boom. And that's it. End of the conversation. So that's all you can do. But in terms of like you feeling like it's something that you can do to spark the thing back up, that's not realistic. But real quick, before we go forward, we end up leaving something off that I wanted. To include video-wise. Uh-oh. Um, salute to horrible decisions, man. My girl Mandy. And normally I don't like reviewing people clips that you know. That I know. But she reviewed our clip. She reviewed a clip of me. So I gotta review the clip of her. Uh-oh. It was a conversation that they was having in regard to um sleeping with other men because I'm starting to like another man too much. Okay. I'm gonna play this clip, man. I'm gonna get old take on it, and I'm gonna give my take on it. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_10 1:28:35

And I don't believe that she's monogamous because she can juggle. And she never fully feels maybe it's commitment issues, but she'll be like nine toes in with a pinky toe out. So she'll still like she'll be dating someone that really likes them, but still be swifty. And I'm like, it's because you're not a monogamous, you know.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:54

Maybe you're trying to like protect yourself and like a relate with me. I do that too. Really? I'm just gonna tell somebody. I'm like, okay. But you are doing like fuck another nigga for like one of these. You gotta get it out. You gotta get it off.

SPEAKER_10 1:29:10

When you really like a guy, you have to you fuck another guy to woman. I need some explanation.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:16

I don't want when they start liking a guy too much, she feels the need to have sex with another guy to dilute how much she likes the new guy. Now again, this clip is viral. It's everywhere. Spiritual Word, neighborhood, Jasmine Brand, it's everywhere. Twitter, everybody eating it up. You got one side saying, That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life. And then you got the other side saying, girl, I see where you're coming from because you don't want to catch feelings for the wrong guy. If you know that he ain't really somebody that you should be dealing with, and you start to catch feelings, you gotta do what you gotta do to get up out that jam. What's your thoughts on that all?

SPEAKER_03 1:30:00

First off, them people, the second part, them people lying. They just add twists on shit just to just to make her feel good. I women have a different way of processing things. I'll say that. Um messing with somebody else while you currently like somebody is confusing as hell. And that's how you end up in a lot of situations. That's how when people wonder why you're single, that be why you're still single. And if you just want to date around, that just so be it. So if you're not trying to commit, cool. That's cool. But to the moment you like somebody, and then you gotta sleep with somebody else to quote unquote get your mind up, like what is it why you even liking them in the first place then? Why are you catching pills in the first place? Right. If if that's the case. Why are you letting yourself get so far to where now you gotta get with somebody else? I don't know. This is I've I've never I've never heard of that before. Well, I guess I have kind of. I guess it's like when some of those, some of those women when it's like, it's too good to be true when they kind of pull back. But instead of pulling back, she just go mess with somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:28

You go add a body to your count because you start to like a guy too much. Now again, I haven't heard that too often. I've never heard that in my life. But salute to the comments, because they got a lot of women in the comments saying that's ridiculous. Like they don't speak for all women. They ain't this, they ain't that. But then there are some women in the comments that's saying men are jealous of the fact that women are empowering themselves enough to be able to dictate where their feelings go or where their intentions go, and the means in which they do it shouldn't be judged.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:02

Of course not. Again, goes back to y'all give each other so much leeway and so much grace. But if a man said, you know what, I'm liking this girl a little bit too much. Let me go beat something else down. They would call that man a a man, uh, what's it called a woman eater. You'll call him a man whore. I mean, all type of names. But again, hey, women always give grace to other women, bro. And that's just what it is. That's the game that we're playing. But ain't no way a man can get on there. Like, yeah. Yeah, I was like, shorty a little bit too much. You know what I'm saying? Or or when I get in these situations, this is what I do. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:49

There you go. Wow. So again, you know, I I didn't again salute the Mandy. Salute the Wheezy. I love y'all. I fuck with y'all. Crazy. But that's bullshit. We not going. We not stepping that. At the end of the day, bruh, you need to control your will. You need to control your actions and how you think. And I think that the fact that you don't have as much control over your will and what it is that you want to do as you think you do, then you gotta go through ridiculous measures to try to reel that control in. And the fact is, is that that shit ain't gonna work. It's not. I mean, let's just be honest. It's certain men out here, bruh, that make you feel a certain way. To where five dudes combined outside of us can't make you feel that. You can try. Like you can go on them dates and you can listen to what they're saying, and they may have money, they may be successful, they may be whatever, but it's always one dude who when he talks, you listen a little different. When he next to you, you feel a little more excited. Like your heartbeat is a little bit faster than it is. When he kisses you, time stop. You understand? When he gives you that compliment, say, damn, baby, you look incredible in that dress. Like you receive that different when it's coming from him in comparison to them other guys. And that's just the reality. And the thing is, is that men know that. So all these little measures that y'all try to go through to try to try to hedge your bets or try to uh uh alleviate that reality, it don't work. All you're doing is adding unnecessary bodies to your account. And that man that you really like, he's losing respect for you in the process of you doing that. And that's not empowering.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:46

I don't know what y'all. I mean, y'all gonna figure out sooner or later. That shit is not empowering. Especially when you yeah, when you known and you sleep with this person, this person, that person, they're gonna treat you the same way. They're not gonna care, they're gonna just be a part of rotation. I just wanted my turn and they're gonna keep it pushing.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:09

Look here, a wise man once said a key that opened many locks is a master key. A lock that's opened by many keys is a broken lock.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:26

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:29

It's just the reality. So I ain't mean to interrupt QA, but I had to make sure we got that in. Again, man, salute the man, this loot the horrible the series, man. Love y'all, but that was some bullshit though. Crazy as hell.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:41

All right, man. We'll get a we got a few more. Why do men text you? I miss you, but they don't call you or invite you to hang out. Why is that B? Why do why do men do that? John nigga, my nigga old really gonna make me be the bad guy up here. Um you asking one man? This one man or this several men? Because I can't.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:08

I think that uh I think that sometimes a man just misses your vagina. I don't miss you. I don't miss what comes with you. I don't miss the money that I have to spend when I'm with you. I don't miss how much you talk and don't know how to listen. I don't miss how insecure you are. I don't miss how self-centered you are, I miss that throat, and I miss that vagina. And that's just what it is. So it's like when you're in that type of scenario as a woman, you gotta analyze, like, because that type of thing is only reserved for what a lot of men call eaters. And what that means is like you coming through there to perform a specific action, baby. That's it, that's all. So that's what that type of scenario sounds like to me. So as a woman, if you hear that, then you gotta move accordingly to that. He don't value you as a woman. He values the benefits that come with being with you. So, with that information, what are you gonna do with it? Because in a lot of these situations, those women like the men. So the fact So the fact that he wants a part of me is enough for me to drop everything I'm doing and make myself available to him. And as men, we're gonna take advantage of that every single time. You can call it selfish, you can call it whatever you want to call it, but we're gonna take advantage of that. That's the reality. So as a woman, you gotta be able to analyze the situation. And sometimes you gotta take yourself out of the situation to like analyze it from like a macro perspective and make a sound decision. But at the end of the day, women a lot of times make decisions based on how they feel, so what we're saying is kind of irrelevant.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:06

You said he don't hang out with you, he don't invite you to hang out, nor does he call you. But he says, I miss you. No action. I think that should tell you all you need to know, baby. Like a man that's about you is gonna have some action behind it. If it's I miss you, when the next time can we hang out?

SPEAKER_01 1:38:33

Facts.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:33

When the next time can I see you? Not only do I miss you, I wanna see you. I want to take you out. I want to spend some time with you. I wanna X, you know, to XYZ. Let's go away for a weekend. Let's get a room for the weekend. Right. Like something like that. It's gonna be some action behind the I miss you. Not just I miss you and then go ghost. And then text you again two weeks later, I miss you. Like, no, again, like be so I just I just miss a couple things about you. And if, and you know, and and I do not know how to go about asking you because we may not have it, we may not have talked in a while. So I don't want to be rude and just say, I miss that ass. Or I want to be sexual with you. He just says I miss you to try to spark some type of conversation. And if you continue to respond, he's gonna continue doing those type of jack-ins. That's just what it is. Is he wrong for that? No, he ain't wrong because she's letting him. Would I do it? Hell yeah. If I know I may have some access to you, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that. And this crazy thing is too, like, it's funny how a lot of women will want the action from the man, but they fall for the words that he says.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:02

Come on. His boy came to pod today. You hear me?

SPEAKER_03 1:40:06

Preaching. Well, that I miss you is like, it like makes them melt. Oh, you miss me. Yeah. I miss you naked. That's the part that's solid. I miss you walking around. I miss, you know what I'm saying? I miss the things that we used to do. Miss the random head while I was playing the game.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:30

I miss how willing you was to have sex anywhere. I miss how much you was willing to neglect your friends for me, despite the fact that I wasn't trying to make that time for you. I miss that. I miss that one-sidedness of our relationship. I missed the fact that I didn't have to contribute a damn thing to make sure that the union was still intact. That's what I miss. I don't miss you. Miss the benefits that I can get from you without giving a damn thing in return.

unknown 1:41:03

Come on, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:04

Come on, man. That boy pod. That boy part. I'm just saying. That's why I say I hate to be the bad guy, but this is the truth. Ladies, if y'all not, and again, we got a lot of women who listen to this pod. Come on, man. If you don't take nothing else that we say from this pod, I want you to take the fact that men don't give promotions. I want to keep hammering that point home. We don't give promotions. So if that man is dealing with you in a disrespectful way from the top of the relationship, he's gonna be disrespectful to you at the end of the relationship. That's the reality of it. A man that really misses you, just like bro said, it's gonna be dates planned, it's gonna be times given, it's gonna be okay, next week I'm I'm off Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, baby. Let's do a goddamn 8 o'clock Thursday night at the at the little spot we like to go eat at. It's gonna be real plans, real intentions, real, you know what I mean, options presented to you. But when you're dealing with a man who don't value like that, like you gotta present the options. You gotta initiate the date. You gotta get a time. You gotta ask him when he's free in order for y'all to kick it. And that's what he's banking on. So just like bro said, he said he'll say I miss you and go ghost. And the reason he goes ghost is because you didn't pick up the baton on the pick up the baton on the four by one and start planning shit. So it's like if it ain't a okay, boom, you miss me, okay, come over tomorrow at eight. He ain't planning a damn thing because he ain't never had to. So again, you're dealing with this type of man consistently and you're making yourself available. If my access card still works, I'm gonna use it. I don't give a damn. Like, that's the reality. There is no moral uh uh calling for me to improve, there is no incentive from your end for me to improve. I can show up here and give you half-ass effort and get all of you.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:08

Not even half-ass effort. That's the crazy part. Because at least let me tell you something. At least, at the very minimum, if he wanted some ass, he would at least treat you like he wants some ass. He would take you out on a date. He would do something that he would do something just to kind of woo you just a little bit. Look at how minimal effort that man is giving to you. Like that, like question, though.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:48

When I met you and I got the ass. I didn't have to plan a date to do it. When I met you and I got the ass, I came straight to your crib. Fresh off of DM. Fresh off of seeing you at the club. She wants more now. So it's no no, what which I get, but it's like from his perspective, why would I give more if I've never given more prior to? And I got everything I wanted prior to. Now you're trying to up the price. Yeah. I've been paying, I've been living in this apartment.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:25

Yesterday's price, not today's price.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:26

I've been live, but I signed a lease.

SPEAKER_08 1:44:29

I've been the lease.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:38

I signed a 12-month lease. And I signed up for a thousand dollars a month. You trying to charge$2,000 three months into the lease. That ain't what I paid to get in here. Hey.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:48

I'm the landlord every now and then. The market is changing. I need a little more now.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:59

Good luck getting that more. Because ain't nobody else paying it. Clearly. If you're still on my line asking me for it. That's the shit that you know what I mean. So it's like that's that's why I be telling women all the time, bro. And we're not saying this to down y'all or to talk condescending. What we're saying is a man's interest for you throughout the relationship goes down. Pick a starting point that you're comfortable with. A lot of women deal with a man at a starting point that they're not necessarily comfortable with, with the hopes of throughout this, when he learns more about me, dates me more, spends more time around me, his interest for me will grow. Men don't operate that way. We need to be infatuated with you from the beginning. Because when we learn more about you and we start hearing your insecurities and your mouth and things like that, like our interest for you decreases over time. We still love you, but our intrigue for you decreases. So you don't want to pick a man with an intrigue starting spot that's lower than where you want him to be, because that's where it's gonna start to go down from. So I think as women, like you gotta move according to like it ain't no, it ain't no we gonna get there. It ain't no one day he gonna see me how I see him. It ain't no, like that's not reality. That's how that's not how men operate. I think women operate that way. To where she maybe have a nigga in the friend zone for 15 years, who she never even thought to date. But one day he's he's just extra funny that day. Say, you know what? He makes me laugh, makes me feel comfortable. I might want to just give him a chance. Men don't operate that way. We don't. So you need to make your decisions accordingly. It's just real. Sorry, baby.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:25

I hope you still follow us after this. Hey, um they know what they come here for. All right, man. What is the dating pool really like? She said, I don't date, so I'm curious to know from afar. She wants to know what is a dating pool, what does it really look like?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:52

Now again, it's a little hard for me to answer because I ain't been on been in the dating pool for a while, but from what I'm hearing, it sound it's kind of like for all our Houston followers, like if like y'all, a lot of y'all familiar with Horrowin Street. Basically, to where it's treacherous competition for getting as much as I can for as less as I can pay for it. That's the Dayton market today. I want to go into a situation and get as much as I possibly can while giving as less as I possibly can of me in the process of it. So I can maintain my confidence, maintain my self-esteem. I don't necessarily have to sacrifice anything to get what it is that I want. And if I run into somebody to where I feel like I may have to sacrifice something, I'll run over to the next store that's 30 seconds down the street, who doesn't require that. So for somebody with standards, it's gonna require patience for you to find somebody that you want.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:03

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:05

Because what you offering may truly be worth$100. Truly. But two stores down, what they offering, they're charging$30 for it. Now, it may be of lesser quality, but they gonna still go down there and pay that$30 to find out. So you can't trick yourself out of okay, boom, I I have the superior product, but to keep them from going down there, I'm gonna drop my price from$100 to$30 so I can compete with them. That's the challenge in this shit. Yeah. Can you stand on your boundaries? Can you stand on your morals? Can you stand on your principles? When a motherfucker is willing to go down the street and pay less for lesser lesser quality of product when you know what it is that you providing, and a lot of Want to fold under those circumstances.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:03

I agree. I'll use a similar analogy. Ice cream. You like ice cream? I love ice cream. So at the store, you know what I mean? You got bluebell. Blue bell's a pretty quality ice cream. So for a half a gallon, paying about what, eight bucks? Something like that. Something like that. Kind of praline. For those who ain't, you know. Those who ain't here. Real ones not, real quick. Come on out. But they have other ice creams in there. They got a Ben and Jerry's. They do. For a pint. Spend about seven. So for that pint, are you going to spend seven dollars? Or are you going to try to get more bang for your buck and spend that$8.59 for the half gallon? Half a gallon. You know what I mean? Like you said, some women are gonna waver. Well, I can be the half gallon. No, baby. If you a pint, stay the pint. You are a a specialty. You are Ben and Jerry's for a reason. Right. But a lot of y'all want to be the bluebell when you're not bluebell. And it's okay. You special. Bluebell got special. I mean, uh uh Ben and Jerry's got special flavors. True. Certain flavors that Bluebell don't have. Don't have. That's the reality. But Bluebell also has flavors that Ben and Jerry's don't have. But that's okay. Stay in your lane. A lot of times y'all want to compete and you looking over your shoulder and you wondering why certain certain women getting this man and that man when all the time the quality ain't there. They're just just keeping honest. And the reason why they're not coming your way sometimes is because you have boundaries. And because you setting rules, and because you're not playing about yourself. So you gotta be okay with that. Like more women have to be okay with sitting in their boundaries and understanding that a man not gonna be in my DMs all the time. A man not always gonna approach me all the time. Like with too much on social media, step outside. If you want to know what it's really like, just step outside. Go to again, go to somewhere nice to eat, like a nice little, like a nice restaurant, and just kick it over there. Go to I I say it all the time, I've said it for years. A store like in if you're in Houston, H E B. Go to H E B on a Saturday or a Sunday, go to go to Lowe's, go to Home Depot. Like it's normal people every day, hardworking people every day. But you a lot of times are worried too much worried about what goes on on social media. Get outside, man. I promise it's plenty of people for you. It's plenty of normal people. Now I got some crazy people, don't get me wrong. Stay off the apps. I'm gonna say that from experience. Stay off the apps. Because them people on the apps are different breed. That's a totally different breed. Meet somebody in person, man. Because those more often than not, it's gonna be more genuine. These people are day-to-day people. These people not consumed with social media. These people just out here having a good time, enjoying a good meal. Like that would be my advice if you're trying to trying to test it. Now it is treacherous, don't get me wrong. If you go into the wrong spots, absolutely. If you go into clubs, it's a very slim chance. That's just what it is. You go into clubs, people go into clubs only for one thing. But if you go into spots that like families go to and just, you know what I mean, just singles kind of going to just congregate, you'll have a better result going places like that. But if you follow in the crowd, you're gonna get pushed in that wave and be lost in the zost.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:48

100%. I too I think also like understanding the psyche of a man. Men, we value things that we had to work to earn. Facts. That's just the reality of it. And again, I'm talking about men who are accomplished, men who are successful, men who are grown-ass men, used to responsibilities, in charge of people, who people depend on, things that are grown men. We value things that we have to work to attain. If it comes too easy for us, we don't hold it in that high regard. So just like bro said with uh bluebell and Ben and Jerry's analogy, I like blueberry. I mean I like uh bluebell. But if I come to buy bluebell and y'all moving like Ben and Jerry, I'ma start to lose interest. So I'ma start to question my allegiance. I came here for for for a specific kick. Like it's something different in this blueberry, the the motherfucking vanilla extract or something, like it's it's something different here. But you trying to emulate Ben and Jerry's when I want blueberry. So you done lost me. And I think that that's that's what it boils down to as far as maintaining what it is that your boundaries and things of that nature are, because as a man who has some shit to lose, as a man who's had some success, as a man who has some motion, things of that nature, I value what's not readily available. So if you're readily available to just anybody, simply because they throwing it at you, then you done lost me anyway. Like, it's not about how many people, like you only gotta get it right one time. It don't matter how many people approach you or don't approach you or whatever the case may be, you got people who get a thousand people approaching them, but they are the wrong person. So it doesn't matter. In comparison to somebody who got ten people approach them and they find a person that they're gonna spend the next 40 or 50 years with. It only takes one time. You gotta get it right one time. And when you get it right that one time, it gotta be according to what boundaries that you're gonna be comfortable with. If I'm used to a certain standard, and I'm comfortable with a certain standard, if I drop my standards and I get somebody as a result of me dropping my standards, I'm never gonna truly be happy. Because that ain't what I want. My standards are here. I dropped them here, and now that brought you in, and now we together, and now I'm resenting you because you're not living up to what my real standards are, which are here. Come on now. And that's what a lot of women are dealing with. Simply to have somebody next to them. I don't want to have somebody next to me. I want to have my person next to me. But a lot of women, a lot of people, I ain't gonna just put this on women, a lot of people sacrifice their standards and what it is that they really want.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:06

And I get it though, because they're because they be under pressure too, especially as you get older. So I definitely get, you know, from from that aspect where sometimes it's like, well, maybe, maybe I am doing some things wrong. But it's like, no, baby. No, take your time. Take your time, man. Like, like you're saying, like if it's a thousand, I would much rather cipher through just ten people versus a thousand. That is draining. I don't want to go through all them people because I'm lowering my standards, so now I have more access to people. And majority of the people I know that I'm not gonna be compatible with. So I would much rather stay where I am and somebody that meets me on my level can deliver. And then we go from there. But definitely don't, ladies, definitely don't, anybody, just don't lower your standards and and try to try to accept anybody just because they are who they are.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:01

Like never, man. And I be saying it just with the methods. Because you got certain women who never show their body like that. But because they're not getting the traffic through there that they think that they need or whatever, now they start resorting to showing off a little more cleavage, showing off a little more ass, whatever the case may be. And yeah, you're gonna get more traffic there, but it's gonna be the wrong type of traffic.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:26

I used to see that it used to be a time where women would sneak those in on vacations. They on the beach, they at the pool, you know, they they got them a bikini on and something like that. They want to show they figure they've been in the gym, yada yada yada. Now it's every day, every outfit, just because it gets them attention. And then on the flip side, and then you get mad and wonder why men only, you know liking certain pictures. I seen a chick the other day. Well, I'm sorry, I don't want to say chick. I seen a woman the other day, I forgot who it was, but she was upset because she was a rapper and she was like, I only get a few likes whenever I post my rap stuff, but the moment I'm posting my twerk videos, it's all the all the niggas in the comments liking and sharing, da da da da. But the moment I post my rap stuff, nobody wanna post that.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:23

I think I know you're talking about that's what's funny about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:26

Well, man, I mean, I'm I'm just saying, it's just, hey, nigga, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:32

You gon' you gonna wise man once said this, man. Salute to J. Prince, senior. Um, you gonna get elected for what you campaign for. That's the reality of this shit. So it's like if you campaign in some shit that you don't really believe in, that's what you're gonna get elected for. So if you're gonna get elected, make sure that the campaign matches what it is that your expectations are for the role. That's it. I ain't knocking nobody who showed everybody or whatever. You know what I mean? Like I I don't I don't want to step on nobody's process, but I just want to make sure that the process is yielding the results that y'all really want. Not just to have somebody showing you some attention or giving you some compliments. Simple as that.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:19

Damn, I ain't got nothing else, man. I think that was an amazing episode, a lot of the great dialogue. 100%. Um, keep sending the questions. Um, y'all definitely help this this pod be what it is. Again, make sure y'all follow my Patreon, uh Patreon.com backslash Drill Academy. Yes, sir. T-R-I-L-L-A-C-A-D-E-M-Y. That boy graduated. He graduated. So uh, yeah, man, spread the love, man. Like, share, subscribe, tell a friend, tell a friend, tell a friend. If y'all got any, you know, tips or or questions y'all want to send us, send it our way. Um, again, uh the big questions,$10 a noop for the T on the Patreon. Um, man, well, what you got? What else you got?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:11

Man, I just want to thank everybody for tapping into the content, man. Like I said, it done been booming on socials. Every time we post a clip, you know what I mean, and um, you know, get a lot of engagement, get a lot of views, things of that nature. And I think that that's like, y'all have no idea like how validating that that is. Um, I think for one, just to have a pod with two men on it alone is already taking a risk. It's already going against the grain. So it's like for the support to be where it is, man, I I and I'm humbled. You know, you know what I mean. And um, secondly, I just want to say again, just like bro said, man, salute to everybody that done subscribed to the Patreon, man. We love y'all. Definitely, definitely appreciate y'all. And constantly thinking of ways to make sure that y'all get the content that y'all need this week. It done been a lot of content submitted. So I just want to make sure that y'all are tapping into the content. And also, uh make sure that y'all commenting and liking and telling us what it is that, hey, can y'all change this? Or we would like this, or we would like that. You know what I mean? We got, you know, a lot of uh subscribers there, but y'all, y'all not as interactive as I thought that y'all would be in terms of telling us what it is that that y'all want to hear from us. We are open ears. Like this is y'all'd domain, you understand? So we want to make sure that we're setting everything up in a way that makes everybody comfortable, makes everybody feel heard, makes everybody feel comfortable. So if y'all got, you know, certain ideas or or or questions that y'all want us to address or topics, current events, things of that nature, make sure that y'all submit them to the Patreon. We read everything. You know what I mean? And um, so again, I just want to thank y'all for that. Um also, too, man, just it's man, it's a lot going on in the world right now, man. A lot. And I just want to, for everybody listening to this, take care of each other. Give grace. You never know what people are going through. Like, it's a lot going on. I just seen a dude kill eight of his kids. I just seen another dude kill his wife, uh, and and and she was pregnant with his baby. Like it, like it's a lot going on in this world. And I just want to make sure that we straight. Everybody who's a part of this community, everybody who supports us, we love y'all the same way y'all love us. So take care of y'all selves, man. Take it easy. Be smooth. That's it, bro.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:47

That's all I got. That's a fact. Yeah, I just want to echo that. Just take a break if you need to. If you got a full-time job and got the vacation hours, use it. You got some sick time, use it. Hey, I can't make it in a day. Oh God. I'm telling you, because that job don't give a damn about you, man. You leave, that job's gonna be posted the next day. Facts. If not that day. So take that time for yourself, man. Take time to spend with y'all family and y'all loved ones. If y'all haven't talked to somebody in a while, give them a call. You know what I mean? Because you just, you know what I'm saying, you just never know, man. Man, really pour into your family, man. Because that's that's all you got at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:28

That's it.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:29

Literally. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, man. We love y'all and we support and appreciate everything y'all do for us. We appreciate y'all for supporting us for sure, for sure. And again, if there's anything y'all want us to cover or, you know what I'm saying, do integrate into the pod, let us know. Let us know, man. We're open for all the feedback because we want to bring, you know, the right content for y'all.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:52

So facts. On that note, man, again, again, thank y'all. Appreciate y'all. We're gonna get on out of here, man, with a record, man. My boy Oban on a little run lately. It's a record called Waiting Room by Aaron Page. We're gonna play this, man. Love y'all. Be safe, take care of y'all self, take care of each other. We gone to the biggest.

SPEAKER_06 2:05:39

I got the baby. I like the all these guys. I don't allow me. I'll be on the thing. I see it's okay, baby. Well, I told this day. I need a video. I got the I got the baby.