Episode 11: "The Fine Friend"

01:33 – The average date cost in 2026 is $252

22:02 – Pour Minds Podcast says platonic friendship is missing from today’s society

41:03 – Duke Dennis speaks on when the REAL relationship starts

56:44 – Charleston White speaks on how a man should lead properly

01:08:50 – Charleston White says a man should never move in with his woman

01:18:03 – Why can’t men tell the truth about their relationship status?

01:28:38 – Is it intuition or unresolved trauma disguised as protection?

01:34:50 – What’s your advice on a long distance relationship?

01:44:26 – Why doesn’t he want me around his friends?

01:51:17 – How long do you wait to ask for clarity on the relationship?

Transcript

0:00

What's up, baby? We back, man. We back. We back. Trill Academy. Episode 11. Episode 11. Back at it. We in this thing. We apologize, young lady. Trying to tap my head off. Shout out to my girlfriend. I apologize. I was looking forward to it. And y'all niggas ain't post. Say Lord. Hold my ass. But uh, yeah, we back, man. We we're gonna deliver this content. We apologize. You know, life be life in sometimes. For sure. Sometimes the schedule don't be like we want it to be all the time, even though we have it set. But, you know, things come up, but hey, we we still here, we still delivering, we not going nowhere. That's what I'm just letting you know we ain't going nowhere. Yeah, salute to everybody that's been rocking with us, man. All the subscribers, everybody on Patreon, first and foremost. Um, everybody listening on the DSPs, uh reviewing, sharing, posting, um, sending them to your significant others, clips, things of that nature, man. We appreciate all of that, man. Trail Academy is just getting started. It's only gonna get bigger from here, man. I'm goddamn excited, brother. I ain't gonna lie, man. I like what we're building just from just taking myself out of it. Because of course it's a little biased there. But I like what we're building from the outside in. It's like it's really helping, it's really useful. You know what I mean? Got people hitting me, like, hey, man, when the next one coming? For sure. Is that that's how you know it's really, you know. Yeah, yeah. So again, salute to everybody that's been rocking with us, man. Um, we're gonna go and dive right in here, goddamn. I was looking on social media today, seen a report. They was talking about the average dating cost for millennials in 2026. You don't even throw numbers out there. It is now $252 is the average cost of a date. Now, when they did the breakdown, they said that this covers grooming, clothing, transportation, and the date. They said typically when a man is getting ready to take a woman out on a date, at least $250 is gonna be spent on average. Between the two? No. They were talking about, I think, just from his perspective. Okay. You know, because most times the man is asking a woman out on a date, he's paying. Let's just put it on the table. Now, of course, she's spending some money too on her outfits and things, but as far as the amount of money that it's costing him to go on this date on average, $252. What's your thoughts on that number, bro? I agree. And it might be a little low, but it is on average. So yeah. You know what I mean? You know, you go buy you a T or you know a nice shirt from Zara or wherever you shop at Northumber, I mean, shit, that could be more than that. Right. So, um, yeah. And it's first date? Uh dates period in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because even I mean, even if you didn't go shopping, even if you didn't go shopping, it would be still about the same. Yeah. And that's somewhere, you know, you go somewhere decent. You ain't even gotta go to up to a steakhouse. Just go somewhere, you know, decent. You still spend 100, 150. I'm pretty sure y'all making some more moves after that, whether y'all go into some type of outing, top golf, bowling, putt, putt. You know what I'm saying? They got some little dope putt spots, you know what I mean? And if you drink and your bill going up. Shh. So I mean buckle up. And don't date a woman that drinks like you. You 120 in the hole at the ball. Hey, I am, hey, baby, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my wife. Two and done. Two and done. Two lemon drops in the wheel. That's it. That's it. And she filled it halfway through the first one. So you know what I mean? I've definitely been on some dates where you know we should be catching keeping up with me. Bill coming. 350. Whoa! Hold on, girl. Hey, you drinking brown too? I'm going, I'm, hey, what type of woman are you? Grown alcohol. Oh, God. What do you think though? I mean, I agree. You know, I remember back in the day, you know, the Twitter arguments, $150 dates. Even back then, I was like, yeah, that's about accurate. I mean, you can kind of get it under the under that, depending on what the date is. But I think these days, you know, more than likely you're going out to eat. Food is gonna be expensive. Right? Let's let's go conservative. $150. Mm-hmm. You understand? So it's drinks involved, things of that nature. $150 is a very conservative number. Just like you said, the haircut, the fit, things of that nature. And more times than not, if the data's going good, they ain't gonna want to just go right home. You're not. Oh, they got a little hookah spot down the street. I just paid $60 per hookah when we was in Charlotte going out. So we're talking about another $60 on top of that, $150. And then, you know, who knows what else? You know what I mean? You're gonna have drinks there too, more than likely. So by the end of the night, we're looking at about $300. Well, that's conservative. Don't be in Houston. Oh man. You're paying $40 to park off the rail. For sure. Depending on where you go, they might have an entry fee. And then you said then you hit the hook, then the hookah, that's $120. You barely sat down. You ain't drank nothing yet. You ain't bought no wings, nothing. Gonna hit you for $120 already. Nigga already checking his bank and code. Right. I had a $250 limit for tonight. I just walked in this bitch up halfway gone. You surpassed it, my brother. That's the thing, bro. Even like the dates that would have been considered cheap back in the day cost money. Like, you think you're getting off, all right, let's go to salt grass. 200. Let's go to Chili's. Because what you don't spend in food, you're gonna spend in drinks. Mm-hmm. So president. 200. 250. Texas Roadhouse. You may be able to escape 200. You can spend money now. You understand? So it's like even the dates that we would consider cheap back then, the cost of everything has just gone up, bro. Like everything. So I feel sorry for dudes who's still in the game because you spending all this money, and it ain't even a guarantee that y'all gonna work out. It ain't even a guarantee that you're gonna like her for real. You understand? So we spending this 250, 300 just to gamble. And let's say it don't go right. So now I got another date at the end of the week. Here we go again. You know what I mean? So it's like then you got women who frown upon like coffee dates or going on a walk or a hike or whatever. You understand? So most dudes just automatically say, okay, we're going out to eat. Even the movies, you go to IP, that's 40, 50 a ticket to go to IPIC. Then you're gonna eat there and you're gonna get drinks there. That bill comes back at the end of the night, 200. At the movies. So it's treacherous out of here, man. You understand? And that's why vetting is so important. That's why doing your due diligence is so important. Before we get on this date, I need to know as much about you as I possibly can. What is your lifestyle? What are you used to? Yes, Ersky. What can I afford? Because I done been saying for years, broke men should not be dating. They should be focusing on getting to some more money. Yes, Ersky. I gotta thousand percent. Bruh, because you done spent that just like you said, let's say I had a $250 cap on this thing. We get there, end of the night, I'm $300, $50 in the hole. Now my my attitude is bad. I'm looking at you different. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, for dudes who got paper, it don't really bother them that much. But most dudes ain't got just a windfall of money like that. You understand? So that shit add up. So if you go on two, three dates a week, you do the math. That's a fourth of a lot of niggas paycheck. On one night. I didn't work my ass off of this. I'm leaving it what's up. I don't even know. I'm from round the way. That's a fact. That's why it's important to uh to vet, man. And and I when I did it, it wasn't even nothing against a woman. It was just that like everybody just wasn't worth it. And I need to know what you're really here for. You here just for a meal, you just here to get out the house, or you really trying to get to know me. If you're trying to get to know me, we can do the most simple things and have a ball. Right. And it can last all day. We can do thing after thing after thing and still spend the 250 versus going to one spot, you don't even have decent conversation. I'm looking at my watch, like, I'm damn there ready to wrap this up. You know what I mean? So I like I like being out. I like, it ain't like testing, but shit, that's that's why I say I like hiking. I like going to the gym. I like seeing what you made of. Right. Are you a good listener? Like, that's small things. Like, hey, do you like working out? Do you care about fitness? If not, all right, cool. Well, you know, what's some things that you are into? What's something that's that I could do that you also like? Something let's let's meet somewhere in the middle. And, you know, sometimes they'd be down, some wouldn't. Like I know a lot of women. I tweeted this like years ago. I was like, uh, ideal first day would be going to the gym. A bunch of women was going, what? You out your mind? Yeah, for you. But there's a lot of women that wouldn't mind going to the gym. Because guess what's going on after the gym? We're getting some food, we're going to get a smoothie, we're going to get a saíbo, or like, we're going to do some fly shit after we work out. But you just got so wrapped in your head on just the workout part. You ain't got to be drenched in sweat. You can still go to the gym, do a little bit of something, and be gone. You know what I'm saying? But they put too much emphasis on that and be worried about the wrong thing instead of the person who they with. You know what I mean? I agree. And that's why it's important to date the right type of woman because when you're dating the right type of woman, everything could date. I just want to spend time with you. That's it. I just want to enjoy your company. I want to talk to you. I want to do, you know what I mean? It ain't, it don't matter. It could be the movies, it could be the library, it could be linking up and, you know what I mean, with dinner, working out, whatever. I just want to be around you. And that's how you know that that woman really, really rock with you. But there's a lot of dudes out here dating women who do not rock with them like that. You understand? And that's gonna be reflective. So now, even let's say y'all in the restaurant on a date, like, you gotta do 90% of the talking because she don't like you like that. You constantly trying to convince her that you're the guy she should be entertaining, you know what I mean? And it's like any date like that, I don't want to be on anyway. I'll wrap this shit up quick. Hey, Jake, let's go. I'm like, this ain't no job interview. I'm not trying to prove myself to you. If you don't like me like that, you shouldn't even be here. But you got, you know, again, I think grown women who done lived some life, been through some things, you understand, got real world experience. They ain't tripping, bro. Like, they just appreciate it for the thought. Appreciative for you creating time for them. You know what I mean? Like, this outing is specifically designed for you around what you're interested in. You might enjoy cooking. So we going to go, you know, culinary class right quick, or, you know, painting with a twist right quick, or something like that, you know what I mean? And they ain't tripping because they just enjoying and appreciative of the outing. So I think it's just important, bro, to find a woman who is appreciative of the outing, appreciative of the time that you made, the innovation, the creation, things of that nature, you understand? And it also speaks to guys, bro. Like, it gotta be some more effort put in on the date, too. Because you got a lot of dudes who just, hey, every time we on a date, it's like the eat. It's no creativity in there. It ain't no thought that go into it. It's just, especially a dude that got money, that little 2300, ain't it don't matter. I'm gonna spend that anyway. Exactly. You understand? So it's like you gotta get creative. If you really like that girl, like really talk to her and pick her brain and see what she enjoys and map the date around that, and you're gonna get better results, you understand? But, you know, both sides, I feel like, just gotta just gotta step up in that department. But I think we in an era to where everybody coming to the table, like, how can I get the most while giving the least? And that's why the dating game is where it is today. You understand? Instead of just linking up because I like you, I want to talk to you, I want to hear about your story, I want to hear about, you know, what your aspirations is, what your dreams is, how do I fit into that? How can I help that through? And vice versa. You know what I mean? Because we really rock with each other. Yeah. But I think that that's missing for the most part in today's dating, bro. Yeah. I just want to share one thing real quick. Right. Just thinking about stuff that you say, bro. There was a couple times where not necessarily trying to impress the woman, but you just having a good time. And sometimes she don't be caring about all that. She won't chew. Right. Like, I remember one time I had this whole day set up. It was like started out kind of midday. It was like four o'clock, something like that. And we went, got some light to eat or whatever. Next, next thing we did was like a little activity. And then it was about eight, nine o'clock. I'm like, shit, you know, I'm trying to go to Davenport's. They got some good ass drinks, you know what I'm saying? We're gonna have a good time. One and you good. Yeah. Then we pulled in Davenport's. She had followed me up there. She pulled up from Davenport's, put parked next to me. She was like, I ain't gonna lie to you. I'm trying to go back to your place right now. On two wheels. Turn that whip. Oh, well there. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to be a gentleman. She don't care about that. We're trying to get the head put between the sheets. Hey. Some women just want to be slutted out. They don't give a damn about that gentleman stuff. You like me, I like you, we grown. Let's go do grown things. It's like you gotta respect it. The irony is that a lot of times the dates that go like that, the relationships last the longest. Because they don't give a damn about no presentation or none of that. Like, I don't need you in here basically selling me a dream on something when you really want. You know what I mean? And when you grown, you can do things like that. You understand? Long as both people got that understanding. You know what I mean? But yeah, those be the relationships that that last alone. The ones that break status quo and that just break the normal way of doing things. Like, nah, look at all that, man. We're gonna do what we do. That's the moment that you wanna. Hey, hold on to that, bruh. Because she don't care about your money. She don't care about none of that. She just wanna be with you. So if you like her the same way, that's gonna be beautiful. That's gonna be beautiful. It's always the man. Uh oh. I know where you're going. I don't know if we're gonna segue into it, but it's always the first link. Yeah. And you be locked in forever. Yeah. It'd be that first link. And I was thinking about this because Hitman, one of his recent posts, they was interviewing somebody. I forgot their name, and I apologize. But it was him and Sand, and of course, and it was uh they was interviewing two people. And then I think I don't know, I think she jumped in his DM or something like that, some kind of where they linked, but there was like first link, you know what I'm saying? They did what they did. Sin and Hitman said first link, they did what they did, and they've both been locked in ever since. I'm like, hey, it's a common thing, common pattern. I'm just I'm just saying. When you know, you know. There you go, bro. The sex ain't the determinant, it's the confirmation when y'all really rock with each other. That's it, bruh. It ain't about no, I'm gonna need to wait for two months. Because there's some people out there who are very comfortable waiting for them two months just to waste your time on the back end. Because I don't really like you like that. But I'm gonna wait these two months and I'm gonna do my thing outside of this until you're ready to give me what it is that I want. I'm gonna take what I want and I'm out. Yeah. So it's like when you grown, man, you just move different, bruh. Like, you don't you don't think about general consensus or what society deems as acceptable. You go based on, hey, this is how we rockin'. You on this time, I'm on the same type of time. Let's rock out. You understand? So yeah, it don't surprise me at all. Because it ain't no games being played. Right. Because once you done got that out the way, it's like, okay, now we really, if we really want to be here, then we're gonna be here. Because the whole goal is that's already accomplished. But if I still rock with you after that, we rocking. You know what I mean? And again, I'm not advising people, hey, to go have sex on the first date. No, no, no. It's it's uh, it gotta be an organic thing. It gotta be both of y'all on the same type of time and, you know, whatever, whatever. Just like bro said, when you know, you know. It ain't no, you know, gotta go through whole tests and and FBI interview processes and things of that nature. Like you know, and I know. So you should know before the date. That's the one of the biggest keys. Can you preach on that, please? You should know who that person is, what they stand for, all that stuff before you even go on a date. Like that's several conversations that you should be having. If y'all rocking, y'all done had two, three, four-hour conversations, like y'all locked in like that, then it's okay, let's let's take this thing to the next level. Let's spend some time together. Let's let me see what you like in person. Because on the phone can be one thing. The text message can be one thing. But now I want to feel it. I want to really see if you're about what you what you say you are. Because a lot of people talk good over the phone. You you got you got time to get your thoughts together, you know what I mean? Text messages. You can put it in chat GBT or something. Like you can really say it how you want to, but in person, you gotta be real-time action. So I need to see that paired with whatever it was prior to that. So don't just be diving out here first, liking a picture, let's go on a date, and then be mad when shit don't work out. You didn't take no time to get to know who that person was. 200%. So now I gotta ask you a question. In your dating experience, how often did you look at them differently after the link in comparison to when y'all was talking? Because just like you said, text message, you get a certain energy. Phone call, you get a certain energy, but in person, don't lie. So, what percentage, if you had to put a percentage on it, was like, okay, I was really rocking with you in the text. Then we went on the day and uh I'm turned all the way off. You know what? Actually, it was it was real low. I'd probably say 20, 25%. Because again, like I knew prior to I'm gonna ask the right questions and I'm gonna have lengthy conversations and just by text message, you know what I mean, even if we didn't talk on the phone, like I'm seeing how engaging you are. I'm seeing the things you're interested in. And I ain't about to waste your time. You know what I'm saying? So if, you know, like we go. Let's go. Like that one incident where I had to had to let this young lady go. She, I know I drank. Well, did I used to drink a lot. But she drank a lot. What's a lot? You gotta quantify. You know, we drink, you know, maybe, maybe Thursday. But Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You know, we outside going to a bar, watching the game. We're gonna grab some drinks. Right. This this girl would drink Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Repeat. Heavy drink. What? I was like, no, no. Oh no. And then she got mad at me because I was like, You drinking again? First time, she was like, you know, don't be saying that. You know, I'm real uh conscious about that. And I'm like, okay. Every time you get off work, I'm hitting you up. Hey, that's linked. Oh, I'm out drinking with my friends. It's four o'clock. On a Wednesday. Damn. Toe up. And then I said it one more time, and then she just got mad. I'm like, you got it. We on, hey. We ain't gotta do this. You can have it. Like I said, with a I clearly, you're not the woman for me. You're not the woman for me. I know it. Hey. Nah, because those habits, bro, like gonna matriculate into even worse things. Because when y'all first link, the like mask is still on. Or the like sliders are still down. You understand? Motherfucker trying to come and present my best self. So if she's trying to in the prevent my best self stage, you drinking every day, what's gonna happen when you really get comfortable? I mean heavy. You was worried about it, you was ready to put it in a it's the thing, bro. And I joked about it too. Joked about that. She didn't like it. Because, bruh, we gotta understand the version of O that we talking about here. The version he's talking about was drinking, drinking. And I was outside. So for him to be surprised, like, whoa, like this speaks volume. Like, Lord. But yeah, like I said, man, I a lot of times I knew ahead of time. If I asked you out on a date, then I don't want to say you like passed my test, but I knew, like, okay, it could be something. Or let me, like, you got a kick it value. You know what I mean? Like, I don't mind being outside with you. We can have a good time. If somebody happened to see me out, I'm not embarrassed. Right. Like you, somebody that, you know, can hold a conversation and you know what I'm saying. We just have a good time. Try to get to know each other. Yeah, I mean, I think that's the main problem is a lot of dudes, people, I ain't gonna say dudes, a lot of people be rushing into the relationship part of things before they establish the friendship part of things. I think that if you start the relationship off with the friendship part of things, then you can get the information you're looking for. The mask comes down quicker if we just homies or we kicking it. And then it elevates to a relationship. Okay, I know everything I need to know already. You understand? But there's a thing against platonic friendships, um, in our era, and I think uh We got a clip, man. Poor Minds recently was talking about the importance of platonic friendship and how it's missing today. And that's a big cause for the disconnect that we see within relationships of today. I'm a play it, we're going to break it down, man, and see exactly what they had to say. Hey, I actually be hating niggas. I actually hate these niggas. So like if you ever see me with a man, I really like. If I have a man and this is my boyfriend, I really, really like this nigga. Because I do not be liking niggas. So like sex has never been something that's super high up on the list for me just because I do enjoy it, just like anybody else. I love to get some dead. When I like you though, okay, and I rarely ever like these niggas is the point that I'm making. I can attest to that. But when it comes to friendship, though, I think men can be great friends. Yeah. I think if more people valued platonic relationships with the opposite sex, a lot of things will be understood better. Mm-hmm. I feel like we are in this era of man versus woman. Damn. Because I'm supposed to be here people drinking in this thing. Okay, continue. Finish the okay, but I was saying, I think that if more people value platonic, or as a good friend says platonic friendships with the opposite sex, we would not be in the state that we are in right now with this like man versus woman, you know, conversations that we're always having. And I feel like a lot of men have never been around a woman that they are platonic friends with that they look at like their sister that's actually not their sister. Because that relationship is different, right? So basically saying the lack of platonic friendships contribute to the dysfunction in relationships that we experience today. Everybody's in so big of a rush to get into the romantic or the sexual aspect of things that we don't take the time to be friends, especially in a platonic way. It's a lot of game that could be gotten if you're close with somebody of the opposite sex that's not being exchanged because of that. What's your thoughts on that? I can see that. I can see where she's coming from. But it's from both sides. You know what I mean? You got two attractive people around each other. I mean, especially with today, people just so super hypersexual. So if if it's a, you know, for example, it's a a man and he's attractive, he's successful, he walk in a room smelling good, looking good, making people laugh, knowing how to have conversation, you know, kissing babies, shaking hands here and there. Like to a lot of women, that's gonna be attractive. And eventually, especially if he's cordial and treating you right, you know, just like he too smell kind of good. Did you just get a haircut today? You know what I mean? It'd be things like that that women are called out. And so, man, you know, every man, you know, is not sometimes you can't pass a butt. You know what I'm saying? Not saying that you can't, but you know, especially if a man is single, like I want he might, you know, he wanna dabble in it. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you put it on the platter. Just to see. Just to see. And then from there we can be friends. Right. But, you know, a lot of times, you know, people just be curious. Um I think the the sexual part is plays it plays an aspect, but um, I don't know, man. At the end of the day, people can do it, people can be friends, but I just think there's always gonna be that underlying sexual tension at the end of the day. At the end of the day. It's gonna be some type of light flirting, or she may put her hand on your shoulder or hand on your arm or something like that. And, you know, not that she's trying to make a pass at you, but she's also saying, like, you cool people, I'm comfortable around you. Right. And so that can throw, you know, the signal off from a man. Okay, she's being a little friend, right? She's a little handsy. But of course, to women, they just well, I'm just I'm just touchy peely. No, don't be touchy pilly, route me. Right. Touchy pilly, they can start rising or something. Start rising, it rising. But I mean, I think I mean, you're 100% right. I think that some women just have feminine aura around them, and it just makes you want to do something for them, take care of them, hold them, keep them close to you, like protect them, things that and that ain't even your woman. But it's just the energy that she gives off just demands a certain masculinity to make sure that she's straight, and I think that's a lot of times what the issue is. Um, platonic friendship, in my opinion, for the most part, is unrealistic for that very reason. And I think that it goes both ways. Um, and I can only speak from my experience. I think that there are some exceptions to where you may have a man and a woman who grew up together. You know, they've been knowing each other a long time, and that's just been the relationship. But I think at our age, 30-something years old, you run into somebody that's attractive, they're cool, they're funny, they're easy to talk to, things of that nature. Like eventually somebody's gonna fall. And it's not always the man. In my experience, I've tried the platonic friendship thing with women, and it typically goes left. Because the same thing that makes her want to be friends with you is the same thing that'll make her want to be in a relationship with you. The how much you protect her, how much you look out for, the advice you give her, you showing up and fixing things for, you helping her move, she's having car problems, you giving her advice, you getting the car fixed, she may need a little bit of paper, you you throwing a little bit of paper to take care of some business, all in a friend type of mindset, but she's being taken care of, and those are the traits that she wants in a man. So if she's dealing with a crop of guys who's not providing that, and you are, her intrigue and her interest is eventually gonna lean that way, especially if you're attractive. So I think that that's what complicates things. But it's the same with women, right? Like you run into a woman who's attractive, she smells good, she has a feminine aura about her, like it's easy to talk to her, like when she's touching, I mean, when she's talking to you, she touching your leg and looking in your eyes and giving you that shoulder pad and all of these things and making you comfortable, making you be like, okay, damn, you know, that can make a man want to find out if there is a thing or not. And sometimes it might not be. That's just how she moved, but sometimes it may be. And now we done headed down a path. You know what I mean? So it's like platonic friendship is very hard, I think, for people who are not already in a relationship, and then we link through, you know, maybe my girl got a homegirl or something, and now we just cool because my girl is the connect and link or whatever. But as far as grown people just meeting each other out and being like, okay, you my homie, and y'all both attracted, like, that's a rarity. That's not common. Yeah. I think most dudes who get into the quote unquote platonic friendship thing are forced into that role. More times than not, he's tried to escalate it, but she shut it down. Or vice versa. You know what I mean? And be like, nah, I ain't really on that type of time. And, you know, they may be a little hurt for a minute, but they just enjoy being around you, so they're gonna keep coming around you and keep talking to you and keep associating with you, and then eventually it gets cemented as okay, yeah, nah, we just homies. We just cool. But I think it's very rare that people who are attractive meet each other, are vibing really well, and just be like, you know what, we just friends. You know, and it's like I I understand now, because you know, for example, when it's when it's guys and you know, women tell them, yeah, he done done this for me, he done done that for me, and then he'd be like, and you say he don't like you? Right. That man likes you. No, he don't, he been my friend, da da da. Like, no, because if you give him the chance, come on, he will be over there. You text him 11 o'clock at night, you lonely, you need somebody to come over and talk to and have some drinks with, yada yada, he's gonna pull up. Right. And even on the opposite end, with women, like what I'm learning too, because my wife be like, she likes you. I need you to watch her. Right. And I'll be like, girl, ain't nobody. He's like, I ain't worried about that girl. But she was like, it's not you I'm worried about. Yeah. It's her, you know, maybe open stepping boundaries or things like that. It's not necessarily you. She's like, because I know you're gonna be oblivious to it because you're not looking at it that way. Right. But you gotta understand where that person is coming from. They may not always have the best intentions, even though you are genuine. So I had to look at it, like, damn, you know, you're right. So then thinking at it from the opposite way, that makes sense. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean, man, I had a girl that I was cool with that I made test that theory, because she was talking with the same naivete that you talking about. Like, nah, I I got a home boy, he would never. Like, we've been knowing each other a long time. He ain't never tried nothing, ain't never did this, ain't never did that. And I was like, Yeah, that's because the opportunity hadn't been presented. And she said, Well, it wouldn't matter. Like, if I presented the opportunity with him, he'll probably laugh at me. And I was like, okay, well, call him. Or text him. And be like, hey, look, man, you know, I've been going through a lot and I ain't had sex in a while. And it's just like, you know, we always vibe real good. Like, boom, boom. Like, I know we friends, but I've been thinking about this a while, and like I want to explore that area of our relationship. Dude said, okay, what time you coming? And she was like, oh my God, I can't believe he's never done. Yeah, because you don't know how men think. Men have marine sniper patience when it comes to what our true intentions are with a woman, and what you're not factoring in is at some point he tried to take it to another level, but you shut it down because you didn't look at him like that. But he just settled into the role, like, okay, boom, you know, I ain't got no chance right now. But maybe if I spend enough time around her, crack enough jokes, she gets comfortable enough, maybe she'll start seeing me how I see her. That's how most men think. That's the reality of it. You understand? So it's like I put her through that test and she looked, she's been looking at everything different since. And it's just like, yeah, and it's not saying like a beware or whatever, whatever, but it's like, understand that if the opportunity is presented most times, the other person is gonna accept the opportunity. And he might laugh you off at first. Right. Stop playing. But if you press that issue and say you're not playing, oh yeah, he's gonna figure out real quick. Come on, man. He'll figure out real quick. Now, if he really stands firm on it, then you're gonna know he's solid. I mean, I can say that he's solid the other way too, but you press the issue, so he got you know, keep curious and want to see what it's about. So, but yeah, man, I mean, I I think it's it is solid people out here. Um I just think it's just it's really getting to know people for who they are and and trying your best to take the the sex out of it. Because again, it's just everything's so hypersexual now. I mean, you scroll one time on your feed, you're not even trying to look for something, it's gonna be on there. Right. A half-necked woman, or anytime she poses. Again, like I said, man, like back in the day, I sound like an old ass man, 2011, 12, 13, 14, stuff like that. Like when a woman was posting half-necked pics, she was on vacation, or it was like Halloween where she wants to dress slutty or whatever it is. Now it's every day. Right. Every Tuesday, just because it's Tuesday, she wanna have the see-through mesh outfit, all you see is the panties and she covered up in nipples. Right. On a regular Tuesday. You know what I mean? That's something that you see normal now, man. And so, you know, people so hypersexual and and and hyper focused on, you know, flesh touching flesh. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So I think if that changed some, then it wouldn't be as bad. But it's just, it's advertised all the time. Between that and porn, it's advertised. So it's men be itching to want to get that in person. Yeah, I think, you know, it has to be a legitimate amount of distance there for it to be a thing. You know what I mean? Like, and that's why I always say I define friendship different, I feel like, than most people. I think most people, like y'all are associates. Y'all are not friends. I think friendship is when I'm going through something, this is who I call. When something good happened to me, this is who I call. When something bad happened to me, this is who I call. This is my person. We locked in. They understand how I think, I understand how they think. And like that's a that's a deep level of investment there. Associate, somebody you just see every now and again, you may chop it up with them here and there, they give you some advice, you shoot them some advice, whatever, but you know, it's not an investment there. So that's how I define friendship, and that's why when I be saying I don't think platonic friendship is realistic, people be looking at me like I'm crazy. But then I ask them, how do you define friendship? And that's where we differ. You understand? But like I say, it it would be nice if that was possible, but like I said, more times than not, somebody's gonna fall. If y'all talking every day, if y'all spending a lot of time around each other, somebody's gonna fall. And that's just real. You understand? So, and also to the point you talked about, women can spot when other women are interested as well. Oh, yeah. You were saying about how your old lady be like, watch her, this, that, and third mole, they do the same thing. And it be like, because we be just moving and shaking. So once we done, like how men think, once we done canceled that out in terms of the likelihood of it happening or probability of it happening, we moving on. We whatever, whatever. Like, we ain't even thinking about that. But women can see it. You know what I mean? You like you didn't see how she was looking at you? You didn't see how she touched your thigh when she was talking to you? You didn't see how she put her arm behind your back when she was, you didn't see how she put two hands around your neck when she hugged you and stood on her tippy toes. You just like, damn, you know what, you're right. She did do that. But it's like, it takes a woman to like catch things. Women know women, bro. So they know even things that we are oblivious about, or we'll just write off to her femininity. Women will be like, nah, that ain't femininity. That's interest. That's that's her throwing bait out there to see if you bite on it. Even if you in a relationship. Because you got women who do that too. Like you can have a dude who in a relationship say, oh, that's my brother. We just cool, we this, we that. But then the the energy that she dealing with you with, don't say brother. But women pick up on that because they already hypersensitive to anything involving a man. Let's just put that on the table. It's skepticism never out the gate. So they catching things that we don't necessarily see, but that's the same on the opposite end as well. When that man brings something to you and says, nah, watch, dude. Like, nah, I don't want you hanging around, dude. I'm not saying that because I'm jealous. I'm saying that because I've been him before. Everything he's doing, I've done to get my goal accomplished. This is how men think. And a lot of women are naive when it comes to that. You literally have one water. He would never do anything like that. And then when he does that, I can't believe he did that. Because women do subtle things. Right. Men don't have to nothing at all. Right. Right. And that be the difference. Because she's thinking he's gonna give some kind of hint. Mm-hmm. Nope. Like you said, Marine's type of patient. He's gonna be right there, not moving a bit. The moment that opportunity, sniping it. Oh God. With now a second thought. You got dudes who 10 years waiting today. 12 years waiting today. Waiting on that marriage that you're in the end. Waiting on that relationship that you're in the end. He done get, he done gave you advice through three relationships in hopes that eventually one day you'll tire. Yeah, if I could, I wish I could just find a man like you. He's thinking in my head, me too. I'm right here. What you waiting on? But he ain't gonna say that. He just gonna keep it by. Yeah, you know, one day you're gonna run into the right guy, man. Don't worry about it. You know, it ain't your fault. You just, these guys out here are terrible, man. They, you know, he don't really like you like that. You got some dudes who sabotage in a relationship that might actually work. Cause I'm trying to put my foot in the door and give myself a chance. Dude, she's talking too solid as hell. He looking for shit wrong with him. Mm-hmm. And then called you in. Like you text him, it took him an hour to text back. If it was me, I would never make you wait an hour. Man, you ain't been on a date in a week. If it was me, we be going on dates three, four times a week. But I mean, that's neither here nor there. You know, when a man like you, a grown man going throwing salt in the game, dirty macing. I ain't seen it. Right. But I know it's happened. Come on now. And seen plenty of friends. Plenty of friends, you know, people that went to school with and stuff. It's like, bro, you've been you've been her partner, her friend for many, many years. And you've been by her side. You didn't, she didn't got divorced two times, and now y'all married. The third time, I thought y'all was cool. How y'all end up together? I mean, things just happened, you know. He was he was always there, and things just happened. Yeah, that was his goal the whole time, gang. So, yeah, it is what it is, man. We're gonna go ahead and pivot, man. Um my boy Duke Dennis, man. Popular streamer, uh, down with AMP, Casanat, all them boys over there, man. Salute to all them boys out here killing things uh as far as content. But he was talking about love and how the relationship doesn't necessarily start until the infatuation or the attractiveness wears off. So I'm gonna play this clip, man. I think it was very profound, man. Salute to bro, because he's not known for relationship content. So when he was saying these things, I'm like, oh nah, bro, tapped in. So we're gonna play it, then break it down. See what bro was talking about. You can dead ass walk in a room. Right? And let's say it's a hundred people in there. You can dead ass go in there, pick somebody you're attracted to, and say, I want you. And as long as that person wants you back, it's as simple as fucking one, two, three, baby. You know what I'm saying? I want you, you want me. I'm choosing to love you, you choosing to love me, I'm choosing to get to know you, your flaws, your ups, your downs, your right, your wrongs. You choosing the same way as me. And as soon as that attraction fades, that's when that fucking choice really kick in. Because you could choose to go talk to somebody else that look good. You know what I'm saying? You could choose to leave. That's when the real choices matter. I'm going to choose to be loyal to you and to respect you and to, you know what I'm saying? Like I this is a choice at this point to respect you and to honor my vows and you know what I'm saying, keep my word on loving you for the rest of my motherfucking life, baby. You heard me? So um, and I'm also choosing to work through all differences and shit too, no. Cause I know every day ain't finna be, you know what I'm saying, happy ass rainbows and shit, teddy bells and shit. Some of these days gonna be shit, but I'm choosing gang to go through all this shit with you, baby. I'm choosing this shit. All I'm asking for you to do is to choose me as well. And if we both, if we both choosing each other every fucking day, if we both choosing each other for the rest of our fucking life, every single day. The choice, the choice kicks in when the attraction fades. Because when you first get with somebody, there's infatuation there. Damn, she fine. Damn, he's fine. Ah man, I love being around him. I enjoy everything is sweet, man. Everything is goddamn, it's RB songs playing in my head when I'm with them. It's rom coms playing in my head when we on dates, and everything is great. But it's like once that fades, that's when the choice kicks in. I feel like what bro was saying was very profound. What's your thoughts on that, bro? Yes, sir, a thousand percent. And I'm not trying to make this no gender war when I say this, but I strongly feel that men have a better understanding of that than women do. I love y'all ladies, so listen to me what I'm saying. For example, outside of attraction, what else? Money. Let's say a man loses his job or he falls on hard times. A lot of women, because they need that financial stability and financial safety, they go in where they feel safe. And if he's struggling and trying to get on his feet, like it's gonna be a matter of two, oh I mean, when you gonna, when you gonna find something else? And when you gonna get this, when you get that. I'm ready to take this trip. I need this, I need that. Like, a lot of men are built for the tough times. And we understand that you may gain some weight. I'm still gonna love you. You know what I'm saying? You may be having a bad hair day for whatever. I'm gonna still love you. You may not cook the best, I'm gonna still love you. I'm gonna love you through anything and everything because I'm choosing to stay here. When we made those vows, I understand the sacrifices and I understand the ups and downs. And I take literal what those vows mean, for better or for worse. And I feel like women, it's for better or like possibilities. You know what I mean? Not worse, it can get bad, but it can't get worse. Yeah. And so uh again, I'm not trying to drive nobody. I just think men have to understand it, man, because it's a reason why when in these relationships you hear about men fighting to stay there when even when things aren't going their way, regardless, they trying to work it out. They, you know, might not be their happiest, but they're showing up and trying to figure things out. You're not having a good day, okay. Well, what can I do better? Let me, you know, if it is getting another job or working the extra job or taking, you know, things off a hurt plate. I think men try to find ways to alleviate whatever weight that woman has. And we, you know, we just try our best to figure it out. And of course, I understand it ain't all men, but for the majority of men that want to be there and that are present all the time, yes, that's those type of men that I'm talking to. Yeah, I agree 100%. But I also gotta play devil's advocate and smoke from their side because they're not here. Yes, sir. Right. And I think we deem the fact that we're willing to stay through unhappiness and things of that nature, like we act like they don't do the same thing. For sure. Because it's a lot of women in relationships that they done got cheated on. It's a lot of women in relationships that can't remember when the last time they man took them on dates. It's a lot of women in relationships can't remember the last time the date man cuddled with them or with a dude who outside till two, three in the morning, and a dude who may not be the father that he need to be for his kids. And she's still there fighting. She's still there trying to goddamn elevate him and pour into him and keep the family together and all of these things, you understand? So I think that shit goes both ways, you know what I mean? And I like hate to be that guy. I I hate to be the both ways guy. But it's like I gotta speak for them as well because you're right. Men do stay through a bunch of unhappiness. Men are programmed to sacrifice our happiness for the greater good of everybody else. Our happiness is very low on the priority list in our minds, as long as everybody else is straight. You understand? But I think women they show their commitment in different ways. Because they got a lot of tolerance that men don't have. If women did half of the stuff that men do to them, the relationship would have been over a long time ago. But women stayed through that and pick themselves up, put the pieces back together, give you another chance, three, four, five, six different chances. So by the time she's ready to really leave this situation, she done exhausted all possibilities and accepted the fact you are never gonna change. You're always gonna be how you are, and I want better. The difference is she just decides to be the one to get up and walk away. You got a lot of men who are in relationships that they don't want to be in. But they there. And it's not because I love you, it's because I love my routine. And I don't want to break my routine. I don't want to have to go find a new place to live. I don't want to have to pay child support. I don't want to have to like break my normal way of doing things, lose my safety net. When I'm not showing up for the family the way that I need to, I know she's gonna carry me. I know she's helping the kids with the homework when I'm not, giving them baths when I'm not, doing all of these things that I'm not. And I don't want to lose that. Even though I don't necessarily love her the same no more. I love my routine because it's comfortable, it's normal to me. And a lot of men stay because of that more so than, hey, I just love you so much that I'm willing to work through whatever it is that we're going through. So I just feel like both sides gotta be spoken to. You understand? And I think that's the like real measure of a relationship, bro, is when we both able to put our immediate wants to the side for the greater good of what it is that we building. Because what you and bro were saying is 100% right. Every day is not gonna be rainbows and sunshines. It's gonna be plenty of days to where I don't like you. I love you, but I don't like you today. In those days, are you still gonna be willing to show up and do your fucking job? Are you still gonna be able to show up and take that trash out? Are you still gonna be able to show up and fix that car when it goes bad? Are you still gonna be able to show up and fix them pipes when the plumbing go bad, sink clogged up, things like that? Are you still gonna be able to show up and do your fucking job? That's what real love is. That's what a real relationship is. I'm making the choice that despite how I'm feeling, I'm gonna show up and do what I need to do because I love you and I love the union that we built, and this is just a rough spot, and we're gonna get past it. But we gotta stay together, we gotta stay locked in. I gotta make the choice, and you gotta make the choice to choose me and choose you and choose us. Because once this shit breaks apart, we're gonna be much worse off than if we just do what we need to do to get through this little rough spot and keep rolling. But I feel like most people don't have that discipline, what you spoke about on podcast prior to, that discipline to show up when I don't feel like it. I roll over, I'm not in a good mood. I roll over, I'm I'm I'm goddamn stressing because this job ain't paying me what I needed to pay. I roll over, I'm stressing because you're on my ass about me not being as romantic as I should be. And I know deep down that I'm not pointing to this relationship the way that I should be. I know deep down that I'm not making the time that I need to make for you. And I'm rolling over with all of that in mind and being like, you know what? I love this woman, I'ma goddamn do what I need to do to make this thing work. Most people don't have that type of grit. When they get uncomfortable, I'ma run over, I'ma run away and I'm gonna run to what I feel like is gonna feel good or gonna take that stress away from me temporarily, jeopardizing some shit that's like really good for you in the long term. If you just put your big boy pants on, big girl pants on, sat down at that table and communicated the way y'all needed to and moved past it. Facts. Most motherfuckers ain't cut like that, bro. She's telling you about spending time with her and she on your ass. You make a plan to go out with the boys because she's dressing you out. Right. See? That's what I'm talking about right there. Right. I'm talking about right there. But he can't, he can't, you know, communicate that he's under some type of pressure or he needs an outlet or stuff like that. When all she said was, we haven't been on a date in a minute. I'm trying to spend some time with you. And instead of carving that time out to spend with her, you hit the boys up because you stressed. I need to, I need to drink dogs. She stressed me out. He needs to, you know what I'm saying? He's a kicker somewhere real quick for a minute just to get out of the house and make your situation worse. Bruh, and that's the thing. Me and O was talking before this part started, and he said some profound shit that I think a lot of men miss. When you're under that stress, when you're feeling like everything is on your shoulders, communicating to your lady, look, I need some time. I still love you. It ain't nothing against you. I don't feel no way about you, but I need some time to myself to sort these things out. Most men don't communicate that. They just distance themselves or they leave or they shut down or whatever the case may be. When if you had just communicated, look, baby, I'm under a lot of stress right now. And I need to step away for a little minute, 30 minutes, hour, whatever the case, I need me a little time to get my mind right. That right there saved dudes a whole lot of issues. But when you just disappear, or when you just distance yourself without communicating the fact that I need this time one, and what do I need this time for, too? Now she's feeling alienated. She's feeling like you giving up on a relationship. She's feeling like her security is in jeopardy. Like the relationship is in jeopardy. She don't know how you're gonna come out of this. And I think we as men, we gotta get better in terms of that communication piece. It's like, baby, I love you. I it's nothing against you. I don't look at you no way. I still hold you and I regard you, my number one priority. But I need this time. Because men, we go through a lot of shit, man. A lot of shit on a day-to-day basis that not only our women don't know about, but our boys don't know about, our family don't know about. We go through a lot of things, and we walk around as if everything is okay. We able to put that face on and be functional. But deep down, we are crumbling from the inside out. And sometimes we need that time to just get away from the obligations and remember who we are, remember what we're working toward, remember what it is that we're trying to build, look in that mirror and be like, bruh, like you, you still him, despite everything that's going on. We need that time to do that. But we gotta communicate it. And a lot of men don't necessarily do a good job of communication. And I'm not bashing men when I say that. I'm just saying we really need to work on that part of things. For sure. Because if she feels like she's an understanding as to why you're taking that time, she's gonna be way less pessimistic. She's gonna be way less willing to get in your way or try to block you or try to dig or try to, you know, push to have the conversation when you ain't ready to have. She's gonna be understanding of the fact, you know what, my man just needs time. Absolutely. Over-communicate. Not just communicate, but this is how you need to over-communicate. Right. Because, like I said before, young woman got so many thoughts in her head already, and then it's it's the whys behind some of the thoughts. And some stuff as men, man, we may be, you know, just talking and just blurting stuff out. Just, I got this, this I got that, not saying that she has to do anything about it, but sometimes you just may be in the rhythm and you're just trying to sort things through your head out loud. Right. And like us, wanting to help and support, she be wanting to help you out. How can I help you out? Why you feel like that? Why you this? Why you that? And it'd be like, sometimes if if it's overwhelming, because like shit, I don't know. But you be trying to go through it and she be trying to help help you out. So even in that instance, sometimes just, hey, I'm just getting these thoughts out. They really don't mean much. Or or I'm not looking for feedback right now. I'm just letting you know the itemized list that's in my head. And that XYZ that you wanted or that you, you know, was thinking about, that's on my list too. Right. That's another thing. She wants to know also, are you thinking about things that she's thinking about? It's like, yeah, remember, babe, you you brought that to me last week. It's on my agenda. It's on my to-do list. I'm gonna knock that out. You want that, you know, uh the you want the new tiles on the walls or whatever. Like, I'm gonna I'm gonna knock it out. You know, women will, if it was up to women, she'd order it right away. It's gonna be there tomorrow. That's a fact. I got it, babe. Don't worry about it. Hey, we're gonna take care of it, and I'm gonna go ahead and knock that out for you because I know you want the you know, living room, whatever it is to look a certain way. I'm gonna I'm gonna take care of that for you. So, yeah, just over-communicate. I think that'll help you out. 100%, man. That's fast as the leadership. Um, speaking of leadership, Charleston White was recently having a conversation speaking to leadership and what it takes for a man to lead properly. A true leader focuses on self-improving me. Nigga, I ain't saying nothing to my wife. Let me get me better. Let me try to be more lead. I'm gonna focus on making me better. And in the process of making me better, they're gonna see me getting up. I'm gonna make them better by making me better because they're gonna follow my lead. So when I come out the bathroom in that mirror, the bathroom clean. I ain't saying nothing to nobody. My bed ain't made. I didn't make my bed. I went to sleep with the dishes in the seat. And we all live real. So I ain't asking them to do it. I'm gonna start doing it first. Once I start doing it, I'm gonna pass the unit. The example. Setting the example, being a man, leadership, set an example for how you want things to run. I think that that's missed a lot. You understand? Like, a lot of women are looking for something to follow. But if you are in shambles or you're in disarray, she's gonna be in disarray. But if you are disciplined and structured and moving by a certain cold, she's gonna adapt that cold. And that's essentially what he's saying. Man, leadership is the key. You gotta get yourself together. If you ain't together, you can't blame everybody else in your family for not being together. What's your thoughts on that? I agree a thousand percent. Uh actually, what's helped me in my relationship a lot is being at work because I've had to lead different types of people. Um, actually, I was talking about this earlier today. Like, for example, when it comes to like group exercise classes or just fitness people in general, you got some people who need structure. You got some people who, it's a program called Les Mills, where they have to study the choreography and then they teach it to the class. You got some people who just freestyle, like me. I like freestyling. Because I like changing at the drop of a dime. I'm like, oh, okay, I seen that combination. You jumped on the step, came down, did a push-up or whatever it is. But boom, on this next one, I want you to do a jump squat and then jump. Like, I just like the creativity, but some people you have to be one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten in that order. Right. And you have to learn and just and adapt to people. You have to learn how to talk to people. You have to learn just everybody's communication style is different. Some people you gotta be real direct with, some people you gotta be soft to. Some people you kind of gotta, you know, joke with them a little bit to get their guard down because they just always antsy or or just unsure of themselves. So, I mean, it's a lot of different ways that you have to communicate and relate to people. And I think that's helping me in my relationship because I have to like identify in real time what's going on. Right. And again, as a leader, you have to be self-aware. You have to check yourself. And if things aren't working, you have to go back to the drawing board. You can't blame it on other people. And like he's and when I'm at work and things aren't going the way it should be, I gotta go back and look at myself. Right. Like, did I even onboard this person right? Did I even teach them what they were supposed to do? They making simple mistakes, and maybe I didn't spend the time that I should have to be with them, to teach them what they need to be doing. So it's things like that. Like, because some people just be ready to let people go or fire them or things like that. But it's like, as a leader, it's like, did I set this person up for failure, or did I set them up and it's just, it's just not for them. So that's just that's things and tools that I've used, you know what I mean, and and I've taken back in into the crib that, you know, I feel this is beneficial. You know what I'm saying? Even how I'm talking to Aiden, I gotta, you know, realize sometimes my message, I can't be too stern with him. I gotta sit him down and and explain the why. The reasoning behind whether it's cleaning up your room or whether it's making sure the trash is taken out, or like everybody has a role in this household. And for example, like him doing the dishes, like his job, one of his jobs is when he comes home from school, check the dishwasher. If it's full of dishes and it's clean, you need to put them up. Why? Because me and Mama got to come in, clean the dishes, put them in the dishwasher. And so if you haven't done it yet and you already sleep, that's throwing us off now. Now it's taking us a little bit longer to clean up the kitchen because you ain't done what you need to do. So, like mama, when you're gonna wake up, hey, I know you're sleepy, but you gotta knock this out, big dog. You know what I'm saying? So it's just things like that that uh you learn. And again, man, a leadership, leaders too, is just take accountability. Take accountability for everything. Wins, losses, just everything. Like he said, just looking in that mirror, time after time after time. And it can be hard. And I get it, it's uncomfortable. But once you learn it, and the more you get comfortable with that, and the more you get familiar with that, it just makes everything else easier. I mean, you're preaching. I mean, you know, it is what it is. I think um, you know, your woman is a direct reflection of your leadership. This is what it is, right? Women are looking to you in terms of the example, in terms of how this thing is gonna run. You understand? If you're in disarray, she gonna be in disarray. Trying to do your job for you in order to keep the shit rolling because she loves you. You understand? And she's gonna try to step in and do, you know what I mean, what you should be doing. But if you are disciplined, if you are structured, if you are running the household in a certain way, if you are exhibiting the qualities that you are demanding the household to have, it's gonna be much easier to follow. Because she's gonna get comfortable in the fact that, yeah, when I listen to my man, things go right. When I listen to my man, we are successful. And eventually she's gonna get to the point to where, okay, hey, whatever my man says is what's gonna happen. That's what I'm rocking with. You understand? Everything she ain't gonna agree with, and she's gonna voice those grievances, but it's not gonna be in a way to step on you or to make you feel inadequate in terms of what you're doing because the example you're setting is so consistent. So it's like you gotta remember that. Like, it's not a war with your woman. Your woman admires you. She looks up, she looks up to you. That's why she chose you. But it's like with that comes great responsibility. It's like I gotta be cognizant of the example I'm setting. I gotta be cognizant of when I'm when I'm eating, I'm picking up after myself. I'm I'm I'm cleaning my. When I get up, I make the bed. When I come home, take my clothes off, I hang my shit up. When I come up, it's just how you move. It's it's structured, it's disp. Eventually she's gonna start doing the same thing. Like she wants to follow you. Look at it. She she wearing your hoodies around the house, ain't she? She done stole three sweaters from you, ain't she? She going out to the grocery store with your sweatpants on, ain't she? She using your lingo to you when she talked to you, ain't she? She wants to follow you. She looks up to you, she admires you. But you gotta give her something to follow. You gotta be disciplined, you gotta be structured, you gotta be forward thinking. You can't be hypersensitive to the moment. You gotta be looking down the road and being like, okay, we need to make this left turn because by the time we get up there, that's gonna help us get to the destination that we're trying to get to. It don't matter how I feel right now, I gotta do what I know is gonna put us in the best position down the line. That's what being a man is. That's what leadership is. Every decision ain't gonna be popular. The household ain't gonna agree with everything you say. But what they all gonna agree with, and what they are gonna align with, is the success that follows the decisions you make. The consistency in which you make the decisions. That's what they're gonna rock with. Because you can't argue with that. It's just like in the NFL, like with the Patriots. Players used to hate coming there. Man, he got us watching extra fan. We practicing three hours, most teams practicing an hour and a half. He got us doing this, he got us doing that. He's talking to us crazy, da da da. Yeah, but they done won six championships in goddamn 15 years. This is a proven concept. So it's much easier to grit your teeth and do what it is that they're asking you to do when the system has proven to be successful. But if I'm coming to the Cleveland Browns and they're telling me these things, I'm not gonna be as receptive to that. Y'all ain't won a championship in 70 years, 80 years. I don't want to hear about what y'all deem as the right way to do things. It's the same in relationships. If you're successful, if you manage yourself well, because that's where it starts. That's what he's saying. Like, I gotta get me right before I start demanding anything from anybody else. So before I start pointing fingers at anybody else, how am I moving? How am I showing up? Am I setting an example for them to follow? And if I'm not, I gotta take what comes with that. But if If you are more times than not, she's gonna follow your lead, brother. That's a fact. And women the funny thing about it, women like being told what to do. 100%. Respectfully. You know what I mean? Like women like tasks given to them, like all that stuff. So if you say, hey, babe, I'm gonna need this from me, this from me, this from me, I'm gonna take care of XYZ. She's gonna be ecstatic. Right. Because now it's less thinking that she has to do. Facts. You've given her a direction, she trusts you and she's gonna follow it. You know what I'm saying? But if you just, oh shit, oh we're gonna, no, so and it's so sometimes it's okay for you not to know. Like you're not gonna know everything. You're not gonna know how to figure everything out, but you gotta come into it with confidence. It's like, hey, we're gonna do it this way, and if it don't work out, we can scrap it and then we can move on and you know do it a different way. You know what I mean? Like, it's okay. It's okay to not know. And I think sometimes too with men, like, you know, part of the leadership we be afraid of failing and not knowing. But that's a part of it. You're not gonna know at all. You're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna get it wrong. It's cool. Be okay with that. And just learn from it and grow. Because people don't like perfection. They don't. You look at society and the human psychology in general, they like a comeback story. They root for the underdog, they root for the person who failed, fell down, but got back up, figured it out, and became successful. That's human psychology. So you can't be afraid to fail. As long as you're learning what you need to learn and you tr and you are triumphant in the end, she's gonna respect you more. Because she's seen the journey from when you didn't have nothing or when you got it wrong to when you figured it out, and now you done put us in a hella position. Like her respect for you increases for that. You understand? Like, you can't be afraid to make mistakes. If you were the woman who will walk away from you after making one mistake, she never loved you to begin with, bruh. And that's the reality. You ain't gonna get it right all the time, she ain't gonna get it right all the time. She's gonna be advising you to do shit or complaining about certain things that you know deep down in your mind, she out of pocket. But I love her, and I'ma still do what I gotta do anyway, and she's gonna thank me later. It's part of the game. But, you know, you can't be afraid to leave, brother. I won't go too deep on that, too. But men, we gotta start calling them out when they're not doing right, too. 100%. That's I've got to say that I'm in the city. But hey, we gotta get better at that. Gotta get better at that because they think they can do no wrong. That's the fault. And it's our fault. Right. For not saying anything. So the more we bring it up, the more they'll come down to earth and humble themselves a little bit. That's real rap. All right, we're gonna stay on this same uh Charleston White interview, man. He was talking about moving in with your woman. Something a man should never do. I'm gonna play this clip. See what he had to say, man. You say don't go lay up a woman's house, nigga. Nigga, even when I married my wife, I didn't move into her house. I went back to my mama's house and just sleep over there sometimes. I go stay over there sometimes. But until I can get mine, I go in and lay on her. I can't feel like a man. I can feel like a gigolo in the player, but as a man, it's her. So if you love me, still this motherfucker, I'm gonna put you in another. Your family fucking you is a sacrifice you have to make to stay in that family, to lead it. They can't let you know what they're doing behind your back. Mama can't let you know hard the kid's playing on you if you don't know the mortgage cost, you just working and send the money. And this shit that's going on in the household and saying, don't tell daddy. Everybody work against daddy, nigga. Why? Because daddy means daddy got to establish law and order. And he go get on her ass. He goes yeah, what do you think? So guess what? Mama done coddles them before you got there, and they playing on you. You got to pull one off by yourself and be a U ally. And he'll tell on mama nigga. Right, right. It's always been like that. I learned from watching TV. I knew how to Family Song. Uh family matters. My boy talks to me in this bag, man. But basically, we're gonna we're gonna speak to the part of that clip where he was talking about. Man should never move in with a woman. He said that he went to live with his mama before he moved into his woman's place. What's your thoughts on that all? Never. Move in together, I get that. But her place? No. I'm just trying to think of that now, bro. That's no. I don't I don't even I don't think she'll respect you at the end of the day. Like it might sound good at first, but later on down the line, I just feel like that's something that she's gonna hang over your head. Now it could be wise. You know what I mean? Like, let's say you come into a situation where, you know, she was gifted a house or something that was passed down to a from a family member. You know what I'm saying? Something like that. But even something like that, I'm like, shoot, let's either sell that to somebody else in the family, rent it out, you know what I'm saying, for extra income. We can get our own spot. But I don't know, I just can't move in. Well, I just can't. I can't do it. I can't. I can spend a night. Right, right, right. But move in, nah, nah. I think about even when I was when I was young and uh my my lady had a I didn't even have a place yet. She was standing there colouring oaks. You know what I'm saying? I'm going over there, but I'm like, I can't live here. Right. Going back to Popo House. You know what I'm saying? That's where I'm gonna go. That's that's my spot. So, nah, man. I just I'm sorry I got too much to add, but nah, I just I can't do it. I just can't do it. I agree. I I'm starkly against that. I I don't um if you dealt with women long enough, you know when women get angry and sometimes say things that they may not necessarily mean, one of those first things that's gonna come out their mouth when y'all arguing is this is my house. Get your and get out of my house. So it's like as a man, bruh, like I don't feel like your livelihood should be in anybody's hands except your own. That's just how I feel. I feel like nobody should be able to pull a rug from under you and you just be assed out. Like, it just shouldn't be that way. I think um, like I say, we can move in together. You can move in with me, or whatever the case may be, but I'm not putting my livelihood in nobody's hands except my own. And if I'm not in a position to do that, I don't need to be dating. And you can pay all the bills. Right. But it's still her spot. And she's gonna remind you of that when y'all get into an argument. So yeah, nah, I was always against that, man. I think women, you know, how you how you come into the relationship with a woman is of the utmost importance, bro. In terms of how much she respects you. And that's why it's so important. That's why I tell dudes all the time stay away from dating, stay away from a relationship until you're able to sustain a comfortable lifestyle on your own. That's not dependent on anybody else. But it's a lot of dudes who are not quite there yet in terms of the lifestyle that they want to live. So they date a woman, and even if she has her own place, you got your own place. But she's coming into your life, and now you're trying to craft your lifestyle around both of y'all's income, and that's just not smart. It's just not smart. Like you should be capable of paying for everything in terms of your livelihood. Now, if she brings in some extra money, again, that's great. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. Y'all can use that money to invest, y'all can use that money to travel, y'all can use that money, whatever, whatever. You know what I mean? To upgrade to an excess. But in terms of your necessities, it should not be tied to your woman. It should not be tied to anybody but you. And if that's not the case when she comes in there, she's not gonna respect you. It just is what it is. She may like you a lot, she may have some love for you, but she'll never respect you as a leader. If she's her name is solely on the establishment that y'all living in. That's just I never seen that before. I'm trying to think back and think of maybe a situation where a woman kind of respected a man that moved in with him. I feel like it that's like a ticking time bomb. It's it's a it's a matter of time, you understand, before that gets brought up and thrown in your face. So hell no. Is it possible though? Absolutely. But I just think it's it's just super slim, man. It's not too many women that's just really genuine and don't care about none of that. Don't care about money, don't care about male, female dynamics, like nothing like that. They just want you for you. They want you to get on your feet, they want you to get settled, they want you to, you know what I'm saying? Like if she like, for example, like if the house is paid for, or somebody said it's it's gifted. House paid for, you just gotta pay taxes or something like that. I'm pretty sure there's other stuff that you can, you know, take care of, but I don't know, man. I just I just don't see too many women genuinely being okay with a man living there. And especially if she's footing most of the bill. Because I think every woman has an innate nature when she's dating a man, for him to come in and protect and provide just is what it is. She can make more money than him and everything. But he has to be able to sustain a comfortable lifestyle on his own. She has to feel protected and provided for. But if she's paying the bills there, she'll never feel protection. She'll never feel provided for. You could be doing everything else. You can be cleaning that mother, you can be cutting the grass, taking out the tray, all types. You can be doing everything else. But she don't feel safe because you're not capable of taking care of everything on your own. Because it's gonna be a time to where she's gonna get pregnant, might not be able to work. It's gonna be a time to where, you know, she she might be going through some menopause or something to where she gotta sit down for a minute and she can't be as productive as she normally is. And it's like, can you carry the load in there? Maybe you can, but I don't know that. And it's like if she don't know, that means she don't feel safe. And that means she don't respect you. So yeah, I mean it's it it sounds like um superficial or like ego-driven, but I think it just boils down to basic man and woman like needs, human needs, and what they need to feel and see in a relationship in order for them to feel like, okay, boom, I'm safe here. The woman that's paying most of the bills don't feel safe. I don't give a damn what else you're doing. That's just the game. But all right, we're gonna go ahead. We got time for one more. We're gonna get into QA, man. I know we got a lot of questions. That's quite a few questions. All right, well, yeah, we're gonna go ahead and dive into QA, man. Save some of these clips for later on, man. Yeah, some good stuff today. I like the flow of the podcast. Let's see if the QA is gonna live up to the bill. What you got for? Whatever you want to, better. Why can't men tell the truth if they're in a relationship, whether they're married or not? Um I don't feel like men have a problem telling the truth. I think boys have a problem with telling the truth because they fear losing you. Um, I think a man is very confident in himself, you understand, and confident in the fact that regardless of what my truth is, whether you choose to stay or not, I'm gonna be straight. You understand? But a lot of men understand the fact that it doesn't matter what my truth is, if you like me enough, you're gonna rock with me regardless. And I think that's a certain confidence and a certain assurance that's built through lived experience. You understand? I think dudes who feel like they got a lie in order to keep you, they're not necessarily confident in what they see in the mirror. I think a lot of dudes who do that are just happy to be there, or they feel like they are shooting outside of their league and they hit it. So it's like I'm terrified, to tell you the truth. I'm terrified to tell you how I really feel about things because I don't want to offend you, or I don't want to make you feel the urge to run or to leave me or whatever. So I'm gonna say what I gotta do. I'm gonna say what I gotta say to keep you close to me. But I don't feel like men move like that. What's your thoughts on it, brother? No, I agree a thousand percent. I was just gonna come from the opposite end and say, because a lot of women like being lied to. That boy can't apart this. Women like hearing the fantasy. So that's why some of these men uh uh approach them and attack them the way they do. Because they know, again, like what you're saying, a thousand percent facts. A man that's confident in himself, he's gonna tell you the truth. He don't give a damn how you feel about it. Or none of that. He don't care if he loses you or if he don't. But there are a lot of men out here, too, that's gonna make it sound good to you because he knows that it's like that fantasy type of lifestyle, or like whatever it is, like you're gonna say all the right things, and a man might have done his research on you and saw the type of things that you like and stuff like that. So when he approaches you, it's gonna sound good. It's gonna sound really good. But again, like it's it's just that because he know you like lies at the end of the day. And it may not be believable, but you're gonna entertain it. And it works, it works with a lot of y'all, so that's why he does it with so many women, because it works. So that's why when y'all meet somebody that's honest as hell, it's like, damn, like this dude is he don't give a damn. No, he don't. Because he's not afraid of losing you. This other guy knows how to keep several in the tuck. And he got the same game, he got the same one, two in and out, and it it works. So it's like, why go astray from from what I know is gonna work? I mean, I feel like it's a lot of truth to that. I think most women would rather a lie that feels good than a truth that hurts. Make it feel good. 100%, you know. Um, because if men told unfiltered truth from the top of the relationship to the end of it, there would be no relationship. We talked about dates and things earlier. Could you imagine if a man came on a date and said, hey man, my goal here is to have sex with you. I'm just be honest. All this is just, you know, uh uh filler. But that'd be a lot of guys' thoughts, right? But you, even if that's the truth, and we both know that that's the truth. You don't want to hear that. You want to hear that he's on his date because he enjoys your company and he he enjoys how your mind works, and you know, he he's fascinated with your thought process and who you are as a person and your personality and things of that nature, right? But this is the first date. He doesn't know those things. It's only physical attraction here. But if I come here and I tell you, I ask you on this date because you got a fat ass, man, and I'm just very curious to see how it looks when we doing what it is that we do. The date is over. You know what I mean? So it's like You want to sleep with me, huh? Nah, not me. Nah, man. I'm just trying to take it slow. I'm trying to enjoy my time with you, you know what I mean? Like, I ain't in no rush at all. And that speeds up the process. Your ass. Oh your ass. That's real. But it's like, you know, you you I mean, you put it in other ways as well. Like, when you come there and you ask him, you try that outfit on, you say, baby, what you think about this outfit? Do I look fat in this outfit? That man said, Yeah, baby, you like a fucking whale in that outfit. Why did you wear that, them leather pants? You know that little cell you like kicking out of that. What did it do? Cancelled. Take this cancel. You don't want to hear the truth like that. And I had a woman tell me one time, she said, you know what, you're right. I don't like unfiltered truth. I want you to put it in a nice neat bowl for me. And I was like, I respect the honesty. I respect the honesty. Because like most women say, no, I don't give a damn what it is. Tell me the truth. Until they tell you the truth and it hurts your feelings. Or tell you the truth and it go against what you thought is supposed to be the truth. So it's like, yeah, what you're saying is true, bro. It's a lot of women, like I said, they're rather a lie that feels good than the truth that hurts. I I don't know. I'm I'm still, I don't know, I'm I'm still working on my truths. I'm still working on my myths. Gotta pick your battles. Right, right. Gotta pick your battles. I remember me and baby was first dating. She was talking about her nails. She's like, You like my nails? They're a little long from my liking, but hey, they look nice. They just a little. That's real, real. But what she did, next time she went and got her nails done, she trimmed them down a little bit. What you think about this? Okay, yeah, I like this. But it was, you know what I'm saying? I had to, I didn't know how to be like, and it's hard to do that because women are gonna analyze anyway. Right. They're gonna analyze the hesitancy, they're gonna analyze the tone, they gonna analyze the the dip the change in eye contact when you're answering. You don't really mean that. You don't you don't like my nails. Nah, baby, I do. I like his boo. You don't nigga like what you what you talking about? Nah, I said they was cool. I liked them. What is wrong? You don't like my nails. You really like them. So it's like y'all put us in a position, gang. Like, I don't know. You know, but yeah, that's why a lot of men don't don't tell the truth, because they don't feel like an unnecessary argument. That's another topic. Well, we can talk about another day, though. But uh uh why do women be asking questions that they don't want the answer to? The truth. They know damn well if I answer this truthfully, it's gonna be an argument. Whole night ruin. So that's why I say women like me and lie too. Yeah, I mean, I think to answer that question, I think w a lot of women are glutton for punishment. Same reason they go through phones. Same reason. Everything's smooth, dude's been taking you out on dates, he's romantic, y'all been kicking it, y'all vibing, y'all doing your day, everything's going great. He goes to the bathroom, leaves his phone open, and you go through it. Why would you do that? You have no provocation, no probable call. Women are just gluttons for punishment. They want to go through there and see. I just, I just want to see. Everything's going great. Why do you want to see? That's exactly what happened with me. We was had a good time, oh, great time. Had a nice day, and you know, when we had the boxer, and it was mug was two, three in the morning. I'm passed out. It was chirp, chirp, chirping. She wanted to reach over there to turn it off. But when she as she turned it off, then it's then she gets curious. Like, oh, let me see what's in here. Whole argument. Now we're arguing. Whole argument. And it's like more times than not, you're going through the phone, what you find, and you ain't leaving for anyway. That's why I say glutton for punishment. Why are you going through phone looking for shit that you ain't really gonna walk away from if you find? Most women ain't. Let's just keep it real. She went through that boxer, argued with you all night, and y'all was right back together. What'd you find? Gluttons for punishment. That's why I don't understand. Most men don't move like that, bro. Like when we find something out, it done it done came to our desk. I'm not going and look. It's peaceful in this crib. I don't wanna because I know if I go look, I'm gonna find what I'm looking for. And even if I don't find exactly, I'm gonna trick my mind into believing that what I see is what I came here to find. And now it's issues. Nah it's beef. Now we arguing. It's like, nah, I ain't doing that. Now, if you give me reason to, that's something different. But you have a lot of women who really, bruh, like y'all be having a great day. Everything's going good. It ain't nothing. She sits you down and baby, uh, I was thinking. And that's how you know it's some bullshit right there. When a woman says I was thinking, you know it's about to be a question out of left field that ain't got shit to do with nothing that puts you in a catch 22 situation when you answered. Facts. So now you would I just um I I'm I'm trying to think what off the top of my head. I can't think what off the top of my head. But you know what I mean. Every man listening to this know what I mean, bro. Like, why are you asking me that right now? Now you put me in a position. To where if I answer it truthfully, I'm gonna tear you down. And if I don't answer it truthfully, you're gonna see through it and know that I'm not telling the truth, and we're gonna argue anyway. We was having a good day, bro. Let's just continue having a good day. Gluttons for punishment is what a lot of women are. God damn my baby, my baby. I can put the phone down. Okay, let me see. Let me see. I don't like that one. Oh, okay. I like this one. I like this one. Is it intuition or unresolved trauma disguised as protection? That is interesting. Um I think it's a bit of both. I think it's a bit of both. And I and I hate to be that guy to say both. Um, but I feel like women have intuition. Do they listen to it? Is another conversation for another day. Because hell no. But I think that they have intuition. Women have dreams, women have feelings in their stomach that makes them want to go do due diligence and things of that nature. So I think the intuition is there, but I think a lot of times it stems from trauma as well. Because I don't want what happened to me before to happen to me again. Even if you're not giving me no probable cause, you moving silent, you ain't doing nothing wrong, things of that nature. A woman will trick herself into believing that something is wrong just to go check and make sure it's not. And that stems from trauma because you're not healed from that. I think that a lot of women get in relationships and they're coming in with baggage from relationships prior to. It's hardly ever a clean slate. It's rare that you run into a woman who done dealt with her shit enough to walk into a relationship with a clean slate. We starting from scratch. I'm not checking phones. I'm not having pessimism when I'm asking you questions and you answering it. I'm gonna take your word for what you say until you give me reason not to. I don't feel like most women walk into relationships like that. I feel like most women walk into relationships with a grid or prior things that have happened, triggers, things of that nature. And when you do something that hits one of those triggers, she's gonna treat you as if you were the guy who caused the triggers. And that's trauma. That's unresolved trauma. But it's like that's why I say both, because women have intuition as well, and that may steer her in that direction. But the reasoning more times than not is unresolved trauma. Yeah, I agree. That's what and men, that's for men and women. Because I was trying to, you know, I was thinking thinking like maybe men have a little more intuition, which I I think they do, but I also think that men got a lot of trauma as well. So trying to overcome those type of obstacles, whether it was, you know, family member that did you wrong early, you know what I mean? Like we hold on to stuff at a young age. You know what I mean? So then like everybody after that, it's like I'm looking at you different. I'm looking at you different. Like everybody I'm putting under a microscope because this person I love dearly did me wrong at a young age. So it's like, if you can do that to me, I can just imagine what these other people could do to me. You know what I mean? So that's how I wanted to lean the intuition, but yeah, I agree. I think it's it's a little bit of both from from both parties. I say this too. I think that I think men have some intuition. Like, but I I don't think it is nearly as much as women have, but but here's the reason it's because it's not necessary for us to have. And what I mean by that is women give us so much data to where it's easy to see a difference in a pattern or trend. They talk so much. Women gonna tell you how she's feeling 24-7. You getting constant data at all times of the day. So if something changes, it's easy to catch. In comparison to men, we don't really talk that much. Yeah. Especially when we're going through things and whatever. So she has to somewhat guess. Like she needs that intuition in order to really, you know, get to the bottom of what's going on. But I think women are so expressive that it's not necessary for us to have intuition. I think a lot, that's why it'd be funny when dudes be like, yeah, she just woke up one day and decided to leave me. Nah. It was a lot of signs prior to that in terms of her coming to that decision. She done asked you to do something 15 times and you didn't do it, or she didn't ask you for dates. She didn't ask you for this to prioritize or consider or things of that nature a hundred times. So much so that it turns into white noise for us, and we stopped listening. Or we stopped being able to judge the urgency of it. But we had the data. Like, we had the information. We just didn't think, one, that your ass would actually leave, or two, what you were asking for was important enough for us to make changes right now. But but the data was there. You understand? Now the other way around, because man, we don't we don't really communicate how we feel a lot. I I'm I'm great at articulating myself, and I still hate doing it. Right. In that realm. Because you feel like it's just being vulnerable in general? I feel like it's not gonna help me solve the problem. Facts. I feel like it's gonna get in the way. It's gonna stall, it's gonna add extra time to me actually getting to the solution. Because the solution is gonna make me feel better. Yeah. Talking about having the problem is not gonna make me feel better. I get that. Now you gotta almost sit in and relish it and then think about it and you bring it up to light versus just doing something about it. And then on top of it, once you bring it up, I gotta make you feel better about feeling bad about how I feel. Especially if you the issue. Or you're part of the issue. So now I'm telling you what's bothering me that you do, you get mad, and now I gotta downplay it to try to make you feel better. Yeah, yeah. And that's prolonging me from getting to the solution. Right. So I know how you feel about this, but for the new listeners out there, what's your advice on a long distance relationship? I think that it's nothing wrong with a long distance relationship if there's an end date to it that's relatively close. That's how I feel. But for us to just be in a long-term relationship for years at a time, I don't think that's sustainable. I think you're setting yourself up for failure. I think both people have needs. And regardless of how much we say, oh, we can just jump on a plane, or I can drive down there, or da da da. It's hard enough to see somebody a lot and y'all live in the same city when you got a life and you're going to work and you're doing this, you got kids, or you, you know, got work and career to take you out the city and move around. Like it's hard enough to see somebody live in the same city. But to think that we live in zip codes away from each other, across state lines away from each other, and we're gonna be able to see each other in a frequent fashion, I think that that's a fairy tale. And when it doesn't happen as often as we think, now weird gets driven between us. Because you're not here to verify. So now your mind is wondering every time I don't answer that phone, every time that I tell you I'm going out, every time that a text message doesn't get returned as fast as you may want it to, now you questioning things. You understand? And now you're driving yourself crazy. And it may not even be no validity to it at all. But the fact that you're not there to verify is gonna drive you crazy. One, and then two, people have needs. You know, a lot of men's love language is physical touch. It's a fact. So it's like you're not here. We can't cuddle, I can't hold you. It ain't a sex thing, it's an intimacy thing. Men wanna be able to hold our woman. We want to be able to come in that living room and goddamn lay my head across your lap. I want to, you know what I mean? I want to hold my woman. I want to squeeze you, I want to come in and just pick your ass up and spin you in circles for no reason. I we need that. But if you eight hours away from me, I can't do that. You understand? And it's the same with women. Women love everything that I just said. They want to be under their man. I want to be in my man's skin. My man, my man, my man. Right? So it's only so much conversation and shit that's gonna be able to substitute that lack of a feeling before your mind starts playing tricks on you. And that's what happens. Yeah. I done seen far too often, far too often, heard too many stories about men and women. You know what I'm saying? In this long distance. Now I support it. But again, you gotta be mature and know what you want in that relationship, knowing what you want to get out of that relationship. Because I've seen far too many people send rent money and bill money, and you know, this person, they, you know, need this taken care of, that taken care of, and as you always giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. But that's supposed to be your boyfriend, girlfriend, like whatever it is. And they'll never do nothing for you. Facts. But you so in love and so infatuated, and you know, it's it's been four or five years, and why we haven't moved together yet? Why you haven't moved down? Why, why when I'm trying to come down, there's always an excuse. So like y'all have to be really careful about these things because people will play with y'all's emotions and play with y'all feelings. I mean, is y'all seen catfish? I'm sure it's sure y'all watch catfish. Happens all the time. That man and trick two, three women talking about he's sick and mama's sick and this, and you know, uh told y'all some fairy tales and he getting money from three different women, he not really working, but y'all supplementing this lifestyle. It's like y'all really have to be careful. And if y'all gonna take it serious, there needs to be steps. Like we said before, intentional. Needs to be, it needs to be more than just text messages and I miss you and all that. It needs to be intentional. And like you, and like you were saying, I know it's it can be hard, but shit, once a month, who coming down for a week or something like that? Like, I need to see you physically. You know what I mean? It ain't just FaceTime here and there and and all that stuff or nothing. If somebody ain't FaceTiming you, like I can't even see you, it's only phone or text. Red flag. Red flag, red flag, red flag. And brother, I think that I think that the main issue that I got with a long-distance relationship is the fact that it gives you an unrealistic view of what a relationship is. And what I mean by that is you're dealing with that person in moderation. Yes. And what that means is they have prep time to turn into whoever that they need to be when they around you. Plenty of time. But when you're with somebody every day, 24-7, y'all waking up together, you're going to sleep together, you get to see who the real person is. It ain't no prep time. It ain't no time for me to get all my affairs in order and get in the best of moves in order to be around you and all these things. And that it ain't that. It's raw. It's up every day. I'm not in a good mood today. And you're gonna feel that. You're not in a good mood today, and I'm gonna feel that. I gotta deal with that. I gotta figure out how to navigate that. I'm dealing with you in every season, not just the happy shit. And that's what a real relationship is. But when we at a distance, if I'm not in a good mood, I could just say, hey, I don't feel like talking today. And that's it. And you don't know. You know what I mean? Or whatever the case may be. Also, arguing with your person when y'all live in the same city is hard enough. But arguing with your person when you can't get to them, brother, that is that is a different type of torture, a different type of is just different, bruh. Because your mind is gonna already be wondering when things are good. But when things are bad, and you can't get to them, you don't know what they're doing, you can't, you know what I mean? Like, you don't know necessarily what the routine is. They telling you one thing, but they could be that like your mind is gonna go in circles when y'all beefing with each other. So it's like those two things, bro. Like, it's just that's why I just rather be hands-off with it. Like, I need to see every part of you the good, the bad, and the ugly, to know what I'm signing up for. But if we in a long-distance relationship, you have prep time to not show me the ugly. You hit me two days later, it's a rap. First time. First time. If we used to talking every day, several times a day, and you just happen to go ghost for a couple days, it's rap. I don't need to hear nothing else. Unless somebody done died, I need to see the obituary. I need to see the, I need to see the uh paper, I need to see all that. Right. I need to see your family post about it. Because people will lie. People will lie, dog. They will lie to get to to just live their other life and all that stuff. So, yeah, man, that's definitely part of it too. I need if we're gonna be long distance, communication is the utmost thing. We gotta be locked in almost as if we already living together. Like that's how locked in you have to be. And just really in tune with with who you who you you know involved with. And if y'all can't do that, then hey, it's just not gonna work. Because it gotta be long distance takes more work than in person. 100%. So if you can't get that down, in person don't stand a chance. Yeah. That shit is a mental game. It it is, bro. It's a it's a mental test on your psyche, and most people are not stable enough mentally to embark upon that. Like I say, it sounds great at first because you like this person. And like I said, y'all dealing with each other in moderation. Y'all talking to each other in moderation. You understand? So it's like everything is smooth. I can still, I got the freedom to move. I want to move, I can do what I want to do. As long as I check in here or there, I'm I'm I'm decent. But in person, that is not the case. You understand? And you have way more understanding when you're in a long distance relationship because you don't want to jeopardize the relationship or jeopardize how that person feels about you. So you're gonna be way more willing to acquiesce because you don't want to lose them, right? But when that person's in person, then you get to slamming down your firm boundaries. You know what? I don't feel comfortable with you staying out to two in the morning. You know what? I don't feel comfortable with you going out two or three times a week. When y'all was in a long-distance relationship, they was like, oh no, it's all good. Hey, just check in with me. Just call me. But in per nah, real boundaries come in, real them come in, real insecurities come in. And it's like, am I gonna like that version of you? I don't know. That's why most long-term relationships, when they come together, it don't last. Why? Because those are two totally different relationships. So it is what it is, but I just, you know, it's just it's just not for me. Thoughts and prayers, though. T's and P's. All right. Why doesn't he like me around his friends or doesn't like me chatting with them when they're around? Um, it could be one of two reasons. He's got some snipers on his team. I just don't, I just don't trust you. And when somebody asks something like that, it it begs the question of how did y'all get together? Because I feel like that probably plays a pivotal role in how he feels, you understand? Um, I think men in general though are just pretty private about our relationship. We don't like other men having too much access to our woman. Like you, you got niggas who've been friends 15, 20 years. They don't got their homeboy wife number. You know what I mean? You ain't following your homeboy girl on Instagram and liking pictures and things of that name. You know what I mean? Most most in most cases. Because it's like a man, when we think about our woman, like we think like she's for us. She's off limits to everybody else. Like, men don't even talk about our relationships in legit detail with each other. A lot of times the surface level, it's, ah man, she she's tripping, bro. She, whatever, whatever. But you ain't getting into the gritty nuts and bolts of your relationship with another man. Women do that. Women will tell you everything about their man and then be surprised when you try to take their man. But that's neither here nor there. Men don't move like that. I don't want no other man having too much access to my to my woman. That's just how it is. But, you know, that could be his hesitation. I think also the energy you giving off don't make him feel safe. Ho ish. I think you got some women. Some women who are overly friendly and overly touchy-filly and overly just doing too much. I done I done been around them. I done been around married couples. And the woman in the relationship, when she's talking to another man, her hand is on his chest and hand is on his leg. With the man in the room. With the man in the room. And again, they don't have a swinger relationship. That's just her personality. That's how she is. She's warm and and open and things of that nature. But it's like men don't like that. Most men do not like that. Don't touch no another man's chest when you're talking to him and laughing about certain things. We we're not going for that. So I think it all depends on the energy that you're giving off. And some women are overly friendly. They're too friendly. And they may not even have malicious intent. They may not even want your homie, but it's just she just don't understand. A things gotta change with how I deal with men. You know what I mean? I think men understand that a hundred percent. Like when we around women and our girl is there, niggas, niggas' eyes is to the ground. Niggas don't even want to make eyes. We don't even want to talk to a motherfucker for too long. Hey, how you doing, Bill? But I don't feel like arguing. I don't want to nothing to be misconstrued, perception. I don't want none of that. You ain't gonna look at me and say, why you so there talking to her for so long? Why you was over there rubbing her back when you was, y'all was laughing and you did you hugged her tight with two arm. Why you doing all that? Nope, nope, nope, nope. But you got some women who do that, bro. And the other dudes in the room, I done been the other dudes in the room, and I feel like on the right night, I can have his old lady. Just because of how she's moving, you know what I mean? So that's my take. Sometimes, sometimes, ladies, he ain't never had nobody as bad as you before. True. True. And he really don't know how to act. True. I need you as close as possible. I don't need you kicking. I need a stale face the entire night. They got an apple tag in a purse. Hey, you fine as hell. And I don't need you putting off no energy that looks like you flirting or talking. Even though you just, you know, may be very genuine and and and have an outgoing personality, it just, no. I just, I just can't have it. So some men are just a little insecure. You know what I mean? They're not confident. They may not, and he just may not know you like that yet. You know what I'm saying? It's still early. So until he knows you, I don't see why you can't just converse, you know, with friends with him around. It's something it's something, it's something in there. Whether it's you, it's him, it's it's something in there that hey. But again, if you know you fine, that's probably what it is. And I think also sometimes y'all pick the wrong friend. Just keep it real. Like there's there's a hierarchy in in most friendships, and I think that the guy you picked is not comfortable with his ranking or things of that nature. He may be with a dude who gets all the women all the time and things of that nature. He done finally lucked up and shot outside of his league. And uh, I don't want to bring you around him because I don't want you goddamn getting getting too familiar with uh uh Ronnie. Because he he's known for having them. He got a mouthpiece that's better than mine, he's tall, he makes more money than me, things of that nation. It's like I don't want I don't even want you around that. You understand? So it speaks to the insecurity piece as well. That's why it's very important to analyze the friend group, make sure you're picking the right. One. You be picking, you know what I mean, and men do that too. We pick the wrong friends sometimes. Because you when you met her, the other friends wasn't around. You met her random and y'all got the number doing y'all one too. And then you see them interacting as a group and be like, whoa, I done picked the worst one in the group. I done picked the I done picked the runner the letter. So now all the insecurities is coming out. God damn. Like, damn. Wide as hell. That's the thing. Take your time, man, to pick the pick the right friend, gang. Sometimes that factor into it, bro. Why you keep talking about Britney so good? Because Britney fine as hell. Brittany was talking, she said she cooking it three, four times a week. I'm just saying. You know what I mean? Brittany always dressing dope. She fly, ain't she like, you know, when you gonna step your wardrobe up a little bit? Brittany be dressing. That's crazy. It's a cold game, dog. All right. All right, but this last one. How long do you wait to ask for clarity on what your relationship status is? Six months? A year? I think that I think that if you gotta ask for clarity six months in. I think you got your answer. That's how I feel. I think relationships are a very organic thing. Um if you're with somebody who things are unclear or there's confusion, I think it's that way for a reason, right? Because if I'm the other person in that situation, I want you confused and on your heels because I always gotta get out of jail free car while I'm doing what it is that I really wanna do outside. I think when you're dealing with a man or a woman who really likes you a lot, I don't think you're gonna have to ask that question. I think how they deal with you, how they prioritize you, how they make you a part of their lives. Like they bring you into the fold. Like, I want you around me when I'm with the homies. I want you around me, you know what I mean, when I'm on dates and stuff. Like, I'm I'm not choosing the club over spending time with you, especially early. We talk honeymoon state things that I want to spend time with you, bro. I don't care what it is, you understand? I'm I'm I'm making time. I'm we talking all night on the phone, we got damn texting every day, we sending reels back and forth, we laughing, we joking, we this, we that. Like, I enjoy spending time around you and in situations to where I may not necessarily be benefiting from it. All the head ass shit. All of it. I want you right there with me. We got damn pillow talking, we got spent like Young Thug and Marah the scientist when he was locked up. When a man really like you like that, you understand? And it's like when you done went six months and you wondering, it's like that's the answer, bro. He ain't feeling you like that. When a man like you, it's gonna be undeniable. 100%. Even if he ain't ready to get in a relationship. Facts. I'ma be possessive, I'ma be, this is we off limits, even while I'm trying to figure it out. But it ain't gonna be confusion. That's just my take. I think even before y'all go on a first official date, you need to let it be known what you what your interests are. Gotcha. I'm looking for something serious, or I'm just if you if you enter in talking, mom just trying to see where it goes, he's gonna take you right where he wants you to go. Right. To the gulag. Go drag your ass for so long. Like you asking questions. Like if you if you want something serious and you know you're ready to date, if you feel that deep down that you are ready to date, you need to let that be known early. And then from that, do a check-in. After about, you know, a month and a half, two months, hey, we done hung out eight, ten times. Like, where is this going? I need to know because are we just having fun or is this turning into something serious? Because I would like something. So you gotta reiterate that. We as men, you have to reiterate that to us. Because that you said the first time, we like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, mm-hmm, I hear you. Mm-hmm, sound good. But I'm gonna see what you allow me to do along with the process. And if you check back in and ask me, hey, we've been spending a lot of time together, we've been on some dates, we done took a trip together, I might have met some of your close friends, like what are we doing? Because what we've done, I look at as next level type of stuff. And then if, you know, check his answer. If he's still, uh, you know, I'm just you know, I'm I'm on with you on. I know what to do. No. Y'all don't, y'all don't match. Hey, babe, I'm sorry I had a good time with you, but I'm gonna give us something serious. Yeah. And if he's serious, then he's gonna think about it after a few days or a week or so, and he's gonna come back around and apologize or, you know, change his tune. But if he's not ready, then he's just not gonna be ready. And you have to be okay with that. And guess what? That person might be super dope. That person might be attractive to you, might be the picture perfect person that you've been envisioning, but it's just bad timing. And they're not for you right now. So you can't just let stuff continue to grow and continue to be something and you really now you got feelings involved, you got time involved, you know what I'm saying? And are you six months to a year in and you still question what's the status of your relationship? No, you don't need that. You don't need you need clarity. So in order to get your clarity, you need to confirm that early on. And if you don't do that, then hey, you at you at the discretion of him. I agree too. I think even when you stating your intention or what your expectations is, I wouldn't go into too much detail about it either. Because a lot of women make that mistake. Like, you want that man to show up how he wants to show up. So you can make an accurate assessment as to what his intentions are for you. But if you give him the blueprint as to what it's gonna take to keep you around, he's gonna do that just to keep you around. So it's like when you when you linking up with him, just like what bro saying, 100% right. Hey, look, I just before we get this thing started, I was gonna let you know. Like, if like I'm trying to be seriously locked in. Like, I don't know what you what your intentions are, what you on, boom, boom, boom. I'm looking for some bears ears. I'm dating to Mary. I'm not here to play. And I think once you lay that on the table, and just that, don't go into detail, don't get no timetable, don't do none of that. Nope. This is what I'm on. Or if you're with it, let's rock out. If you get to fumbling and wavering and getting to try to challenge it and trying to get you to go with the flow and also, when you lay out those expectations, you gotta be willing to walk away from it if he ain't meeting it. Which is another thing. A lot of women lay out expectations all day long, and he's showing you behavior that is contradictory to your expectations. But you're still there. You're still answering that phone, he still got an all excess pass, you still having sex whenever he wants to have sex. You're still at his beck and call, despite the fact his behavior does not align with what your expectations are. So you can't get mad at him for continuing to reap the benefits. If your ass is not willing to walk away, if you're not willing to walk away, don't lay the expectations out there. This advice is for grown-ass women and grown ass men because it goes both ways. My expectations, when I lay them out, I gotta be willing to walk away from your ass if you don't meet them. And that's what's gonna one run that person away, which is great because they wasn't supposed to be around there anyway. Or two, it's gonna make them step up to the goddamn plate and do what it is that you deserve. You can't waffle, you can't bend, you can't fold, you can't play the fence. I'm gonna give you another chance, okay, I'm gonna give you another chance, I'm gonna give you another chance. No, no, no, no. Let that person show up how they want to so you can make an accurate assessment as to what their intention is. If you give them the blueprint to finesse you, you can't be mad when they finesse your ass. And you gotta treat everybody the same. Yeah. I know it's hard. I know it's hard, but you have to treat everybody the same. Because you may have one guy come in who may, you know, be a little more handsome. He got a really nice smile, he makes you laugh, you know, all that stuff. And then now, because he has some of those traits that's a little bit more than the past man that you dated, you give him a pass, or you give him a little more leeway. You can't do that. Can't do that. Because a lot of times, those type of men, they know what type of leverage they have. For sure. They are used to it. So you have to be different. That's what makes you stand out. You stand on your principles, stand on your morals, and not giving a damn who it is. I'm okay with losing you. Facts. Yeah, you fine, yeah, you're attractive, yeah, you got money, but I can do bad all by myself. I'm good. You know what I mean? So, you know, just be careful with that, ladies, because you know, men too. Men too, because men will get swindled really quick. Facts. And them women, they definitely know what they're doing. They know how to use that or they know how to use that feminine energy on you. So everybody just has to be careful and just be aware. You know what I'm saying? And and again, everybody has to have their boundaries and stand on their principles. Because otherwise, you're gonna make it work for one and then not for the other, and then that's how you get duped. Mm-hmm. So That's it, bro. Take you to that deep end. Can you swim? Can you swim? We're gonna find out. We're gonna find out. But yeah, man, on that note, we're gonna go and get up out of here, bro. It's been a hell of a podcast. Again, man, catch us everywhere. Trail Academy, uh, patreon.com backslash trailacademy. Um, everywhere, every streaming platform. That's Apple, Spotify, um, iHeart. Anywhere you listen to streams and podcasts, we are there. Make sure y'all are tapping in. Make sure that y'all are subscribing. We subscribing. We appreciate all the support. Um, like I say, it's only, only up from here. I'm excited. Um I love what we build and I love the community that we building, you know what I mean? And like I say, y'all got nothing but extraordinary content to look forward to moving forward. So what you on? You got any last words, any shout outs, anybody you want to tap in with? I just appreciate everything, appreciate all the love. And I'm just ready to keep delivering content, man. Yeah. We should start live streaming too. That's coming soon, for sure. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Trying to be like these Twitch streamers. It's already in the works, baby. We're gonna tap in. It's already in the works, man. But uh, but yeah, man, like I said, I appreciate y'all, and we're gonna get out of here, man. This Drake album is still hot, man. So we're gonna come right back, play another record off of there called Fort Worth. Appreciate everybody for tapping in. And on that note, we're gone. I'm getting fucking little out of this. What if the least is flat, eight, six, five, six, six, two, three, four, six, six, six, six, two, two, eight, six, four, two, six, two, spend, emerald. She don't want to. She don't need to walk, she just wanna she's a fill. Make me happy to feel like I spent what it makes the world. Amen.