Ep. 7 - What is the Most Terrifying Animal?

This planet is full of creatures that can kill you. In this episode, Connor discusses which one of those creatures is the scariest. There's a tier list in this one. Sweet.

This podcast is likely not suitable for younger audiences.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Howdy Boneheads and welcome back to Habopo. My name is Connor McGrath and I'll be your skeleton host tonight. This is the second time I've recorded this podcast, because as you may have seen on my YouTube channel, I was having hardware issues. What else is new? I also wanted to take a quick second to apologize for us not having an episode last week. Again, random stuff coming up, my schedule got interrupted and I just didn't have anything planned. But we're back this week, and uh I'm very happy to have you here. So first I want to give a quick shout-out to the YouTube channel uh Casual Geographic. Again, this is Connor giving shout-outs to channels that are way bigger than him. Um, but he's a he's a channel that um covers just interesting facts about animals across the globe. Uh, and and he has a lot of videos that talk about how freaky or strong or whatever certain animals are. Uh, and there's a uh part of me that's wanted to talk about animals as horror or animals in a scary way for a long time, and I haven't been sure how to do it. So I've decided uh my first little exposure to the animal horror thing is gonna be on the podcast. Uh just makes sense. It's a it's a great way to explore my thoughts on a topic without having to, you know, write out a whole video about it. I think one of the scariest things about animals, regardless of what specific animal you're talking about, is the the primality, the the lack of human morality that every animal experiences. Um we're gonna talk about it plenty in just a second here, but there is that thing of like when when someone, you know, when you get uh bitten by a spider, when you get stung by a a poisonous whatever the hell, when you get, you know, in the in the rare chance, you get eaten by a tiger. Uh that happens all the time to us, right? Um, but but you're not it's not being done maliciously. If anything, most of the time, when you get bit or stung or attacked or whatever, it's a self-defense thing. Um and yet still imagine dying from poison from a snake. Imagine being torn apart by a predator. It's still horrifying. And yet you ca- well, I guess you can be mad at the animal. You can be like, hey, don't do that, man. But you can't, like, blame it. It again, it's it's not malicious. And that's that's I don't know, that's a fascinating part about kind of all animal spheres for me, because whichever animal you're looking at, like, I don't know, people uh uh we're gonna talk about mosquitoes in a little bit here. And I've actually talked about mosquitoes before. Um people talk about mosquitoes as though they are villains. And it's true that mosquitoes have done a ton of damage to to humanity, at least. Like they spread diseases, if anything, they just suck to be around if you are in a healthier place. Um and so we villainized them. But they're they're they're just bugs, they're just trying to eat, they're just trying to stay alive like anything else. Um, so not like super shocking observations. I think we're all familiar with this concept, but I think it's it's it's a big part of what is so scary about animals when we think about them. So you might be wondering what is the structure of this video, and don't worry, I'm about to tell you. Stop trying to get ahead of me. Um, I went to one of our favorite websites, Tearmaker.com, and I just found a random list of animals, and I think most of them are ones that one uh one group or another generally finds scary. It's not just random well, some of them are kind of random, but um it's a bunch of animals that uh, you know, different people might have different levels of fear about. And I, Connor, personally went through this list and uh I made five tiers personally. I wrote the tiers myself. It wa it was just like F tier through S tier, but I uh I I rearranged it. And so the five tiers that I have come up with, uh the f it's it's gonna go from uh least terrifying to most terrifying, is kind of a chill hang. Animals that like genuinely I would be down to be around and I would not be bothered by. After that is cool from a distance, an animal that I would like look at and be like, oh, like if it's over there, I'll look at it and be like, hey, that's cool, that's nifty, but like I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna go try to cuddle it. Uh after that comes I'm leaving the general area. So if I see this in a space, I'm removing myself from that space. Maybe I'm running away, maybe I'm backing away slowly. It's probably gonna depend on the animal. But this is I'm no longer interested in being around this, even just in an observational sense. After that comes the classic, straight up scary. This is just I wouldn't want to be there, I would run. There's a level of danger there, or a level of just personal disgust. Like that. This one is the first one that's like fully, fully negative. And then after well, I like some of the animals. In most of these categories, I like certain animals, but uh negative in that my experience would be very bad if I was around them outside of a zoo or whatever. Uh and then finally, um, I might die. I might actually die. The last category are animals that if I was in proximity to at all in an uncontrolled environment, there's a very real chance I would die. Um so, without any further ado, let's uh oh by the way, the way I've structured this, um, for each category, I'm gonna go through each category and then I don't I mean you've seen a tier list before, you know how this works. So in this first tier, I'm going from these are all animals I would hang out with, but least interested in hanging out with to most interested in hanging out with, and then every subsequent tier is going to be least scary of this tier to most scary of this tier, if that makes sense. And uh I will post this uh this tier list somewhere, probably. Um just remind me if I forget. Alright, I uh moved the computer a little ways away from the mic because the fan was going crazy on it, so sorry uh if there's an audio difference here, but hopefully it's better now than it was a second ago. Alright, so for our first tier, kind of a chill hang. These are all animals I'd be totally down to to be in a in a tight space with. Um but this first one might surprise you because the very first animal on the chill hang list is the orca for me, also known as the killer whale. Now the reason the orca is on there is because obviously, well, I have not seen it, but I think we're all familiar with Blackfish, and we've all seen that clip of the orca in captivity, fucking just murdering a lady. And that's a pr that's a that's a pretty traumatizing video. It's a pretty like these are definitively dangerous creatures. But I think, as I I'm making a bunch of we've all blanks, but I think we've also all heard the fact that orcas don't kill uh don't kill humans uh outside of captivity. Like it it hasn't been recorded. They, like most whales, in my opinion, and we're gonna get back to this, um, are are peaceful creatures in s in so far as humans are concerned. Obviously, if you're like a seal or a penguin or like a moose, apparently, because I I think orcas do hunt moose somehow, um, definitely not a chill animal to be around. But if we're if I was just hanging out, like on a on a boat or whatever, and I saw some orcas, that would be the most kick-ass day of my life. I would love that. That would be so sick. Uh moving on from the killer whale to uh and by the way, just to reiterate, each animal is one that I want to hang out slightly or hang out with slightly more than the previous animal, specifically for this tier. Um so right after Orcas, or rather right before Orcas, however you want to frame it, uh, are turtles. Now, the picture I have on my screen, uh, it actually looks more like a tortoise. Let's just call it shelled creatures. Uh I don't know, you could throw a snail in there too. Um But uh turtles and tortoises. Uh I snapping turtles, kind of a nightmare. I'm aware of that. And there are probably some other turtles that like are assholes or are dangerous that I don't know about and I'm living in blissful ignorance. And you know what? I'm happy to keep it that way. Because generally, when I think about a turtle, I think of just like a chill dude who doesn't move very much. Maybe he swims around in a tank. Maybe if it's a sea turtle, it swims around in the ocean. God, when I think about sea turtles, I get so sad because I always think about um when they lay their eggs like on the beach, and there's that fucking race race to safety that all the babies have to do first, second after hatching. All these birds are swooping down, murdering their siblings. What a terrifying entry into the world. And I always think about that. But yeah, dude, turtles are chill. Who doesn't care about a turtle? Ugwe and I will kick it. It's gonna be great. Uh next up, and I'm actually gonna kind of loop these two together. They are different creatures, but uh I have deer, and right after deer, moose. Um I've talked about this before. I don't know if I've talked about it on the channel, but uh I love Colorado and I love Colorado wildlife. This includes like squirrels, raccoons, uh, you know, foxes, wolves, coyotes, all the random stuff. But I especially love like forest creatures. And I I love deer and and moose. Um deer can be dumb, they can gore you with their antlers. A moose is way bigger than most people think uh moose actually are. It's like you think it's deer-sized and then you turn around and it's bear-sized, and it's very surprising. And that d that they could both clobber you, they could both totally annihilate you. Um but when I think about these creatures specifically, uh I think of them more as like nature spirits, like guardians of the woods. I don't think of them as idiots or as like violent, which again, I know they can be. Um But you know, uh, when I used to live in Boulder, there was a a morning when I went and I hiked uh the Chautauqua mountain trail um early in the mo in the morning by myself and on the way back down from that hike, which was a really nice hike, uh, I encountered a deer. And um truly, I uh I if I had taken a running leap, I could have touched the deer. We were that close to each other, and we just hung out for three minutes or so looking at each other, hanging out. I wanted to take a picture of it, but I decided, no, I'm just gonna live in this moment and just kind of be a crunchy boulder guy for a second and commune with nature. And I don't know, I've just always loved that. On a more morbid topic, I also love not deer stories, which uh you would think would make uh deer appear higher on this list, uh, fear-wise, but no. W when I'm afraid of something like in a fictional sense, I love seeing its real world counterpart. So like uh you know, for instance, I I um well, I I also love like Wendigo uh Wendigoon. Well you know, but I also love Wendigo stuff, and again, I apologize for for saying it out loud. I know that's bad. I I know that's bad in in actual cultures that believe in the Wendigo. I I apologize. But either way, um there's also a a lot of at least in like modern Western culture, a lot of the Wendigo is depicted as having like a deer skull kind of skinwalker-y vibe thing, and that's also pretty cool. Like, I just think antlers. Um I'm a DM and I I recently had a character named Dean Desolation. He died recently in the campaign. Uh we finished an arc, but um he had metal antlers. I just I I love the look. It's like a crown, but you know, it's natural and it's it's cool and it's it's very evocative. And so I think deer and moose, again, moose are bigger. They're they are probably scarier, meese than deer, but uh they both are very cool in my book. Alright, next up on this list, we we got a dog. And look, and look, you know, I'm gonna say, like, Cujo, we dogs murder people. Dogs are dangerous under the the wrong circumstances. Um I I love a good pit bull eats a baby meme. One of my favorite jokes is uh heart like a uh news headline, heartwarming. This pit bull swam one mile out to sea to bite a drowning child. I though I mean, I don't know, I find those jokes funny. But I've also met a ton of pit bulls who have good owners and their sweethearts, like they're smart dogs who who actually who are very empathetic. Um but but like I mean the main stereotype behind dogs is that they're like man's best friend. They're that they're absolute chillers. And so um I actually used to be afraid of dogs. When I was younger, I was uh I was pretty little, and one time my dad brought me to a coworker's house. I don't I don't know what was happening, just some work stuff, but I was hanging out in the backyard by myself for like five or ten minutes. Um and she had a bulldog, and th this again, this was not a malicious bulldog, it was not it was just I was small and it was excited. So it was chasing me all around the yard, kind of just trying to slobber all over me. And obviously, if a dog runs at you, don't, especially as a kid, don't run away from a dog, because the dog's gonna be like, oh shit, we're playing now, and it's gonna keep chasing you. And uh so that I was not learning that lesson. Um but I ended up running up on on top of this uh stone bench, and it obviously jumped up and like I said, I was small, knocked me off, I hit my head, and so for a very long time, I was very uh afraid of dogs. Um but then eventually, you know, we got a uh a yellow lab and then we got some smaller dogs, and I did, you know, grow up generally with dogs, and I got very comfortable with them. Now I will say I'm I'm more of a cat person. Those who are familiar with my channel have maybe seen uh Padme, my cat, appear on there a couple times. Um but I love them both. I'm just a pet guy, to be perfectly honest. Every pet but one, and we'll talk about that one later on this list. Um yeah, I mean dogs. They're like they they are the OG hang out and have a cool time with an animal kind of animal. Um but right after that, and this one's a little shout out to uh my darling girlfriend Pei Pei because she fucking loves these guys, we got Capybaras on the list. Now I d I don't know genuinely if there's an actual person out there who is afraid of Capybaras. Maybe someone who has an issue with like rats and just rodents in general, because capybars, if you don't know, um they're from South America. They're like the largest rodent alive, I think. I I believe that's the case. But they're they're just these dorky, bumbling little meatball creatures. These little loafs of bread with big old noses and big old faces, and there's all these uh pictures and videos of them like hanging out in hot springs or like ponds or whatever with like flowers and oranges for some reason. Like maybe maybe they just like oranges, but like I'm always like, why are there's so many oranges in these videos? They're just there. Um and like I I mean I feel like I don't even have to explain this. Like the internet culture surrounding capybars is crazy. People love those motherfuckers. Um so yeah, I I don't know. Again, I did not choose the animals that were on this list to be ranked. And so this is one of the ones where it's like, it was probably just a gimme, it was a freebie. It was like, alright, palate cleanser, capybars, no one's afraid of that. But if you're afraid of capybars, or even if you find them like unsettling or anything, let me know. I'm curious like your reasoning for that. Because to me, the I don't even think they're that cute, but they're definitely not threatening. Like, there's nothing about it that I'm like, ugh, I could just be like, hey, that's a fucking weird dog walking around going, it it makes like a cheeping sound. It's like beep beep. Like I I I'm not even gonna try to make it. I already did, but I'm not gonna try anymore. Uh okay. After the Cappy Bar, we have uh a personal uh well, I I guess all these are personal favorites of mine, but like I don't know, ch uh uh one of my first stuffed animals was this animal. It's a giraffe. Um I could see why people find giraffes unsettling. They definitely are weird looking if if uh if you kind of distance your brain from the normalcy of just knowing what a giraffe is. Like, that's a weird-shaped animal. Like there are a couple animals on earth that if someone was like, yeah, those those are that's a mutation on a real animal, or that's a that's an alien, I'd be like, yeah, okay. Um it's like giraffes, octopi, octopi are aliens. You can't convince me they're not. And like, I don't know, something else I can't think of. A rhino. Um But no, I just I mean, giraffes, again, like they're not as far as I'm concerned, they're not particularly violent. Um a cool fact about them is that lions don't attack them because it's not worth the effort of trying to bring them down. Uh I I heard that to be the case. And I also heard, and I think I read this in a magic tree house, like so long ago, um, that certain animals, or maybe even people I can't remember if this was like a survival technique developed by people or if it's something that just occurred naturally in nature, but um something, either people or zebras or something, can walk under the legs of giraffes to maintain safety around lions and other predators in the Savannah? Is that where they live? I'm pretty sure it's the savannah. Um again, I'm not sure if this is true, but it's something that I'm specifically remembering right now, and if it is true, that's a cool fact. And if it's not true, I just lied to you. What are you gonna do about it? But uh yeah, I mean, not afraid of a draft. Uh a lot of these animals, I will say, um, I have basically zero chance of encountering actually in the wild. And like even when we get to the very scary category of this, like fucking lions, like lions are on this list. Whatever. Um, dude, probably not gonna encounter lion. I'll be fine. Hopefully. I you know, monkeys not monkeys paw, um what is this, a Greek tragedy? Like, if I say it, it's gonna happen, but uh it's very unlikely that I will find myself in proximity to a giraffe or a lion, or the next two things on this list, which uh we're getting to the end of. Um, and I'm also gonna group these two together. Uh, but it is the humpback whale and the blue whale. Now, if uh again, if you know anything about me, you know that I love whales. I talked about it earlier with the orcas. Uh I have a whale tattoo on my right arm that I just love. Um whales embody so much uh uh uh to me that they are they are very meaningful um like metaphorically. I feel like I'm not explaining this well. Like um when I think about whales, they they bring more to me than just themselves. Uh uh, but at the same time, they're just fucking cool, man. And so I've got the humpback whale before the blue whale because my favorite whale is 100% the blue whale. It's fucking massive. It's weirdly cosmically terrifying, but like still one of the coolest animals out there. But um, they're both cool. The the whale on my arm, my tattoo, is actually a humpback whale. I would have done a blue whale, except they are extremely weird shaped. And a humpback whale I just thought embodied like the elegance and grace that I think of when I think of whales. However, um blue whale blue whales, what's so crazy about them is they're like so long and so big that they're barely even like whale-shaped in the way that you think about it. They're like a rectangle with a little slope on one side. They're so fucking big, but they're so cool. And again, this is what I like about orcas, but it's it it's even more true with like humpbacks and blue whales. They are not violent. I I mean like to krill. And I guess there's gotta be some story about any animal being pushed to its limits and suddenly doing something violent. I I will not discount that. However, when I think about a whale, I think about this massive creature that if it wanted to, realistically, could kill probably anything it encountered in the sea, depending on what kind of whale we're talking about and how healthy it was, and I don't know how fast they can move, so that's probably an element. But either way. Um yet they just kind of hang out. They they're they're family creatures, they're family-oriented. They are I mean, th th they dwarf humans, and yet they're they're gentle with them. There's stories of whales moving humans out of danger, uh, like when there's other kinds of predators around, or like w if if a person starts to drown or scramble under the water, they will like reorient them. Like they I don't know. They they just seem like chill, chill guys. It's uh And yet, I live in a landlocked state in the mountains. Um so the only whale I need to worry about is the slide rock bolter, uh, who is the whale who uh allegedly hooks onto the top of mountains and spews grease from his mouth and then slides down the mountains and eats skiers. If you think I'm making it up, I'm not. Look it up. R uh slide rock bolter or rock slide bolter. I'm pretty sure it's slide rock bolter. Either way, that's gonna do it for our uh Chill Hang tier. And we're gonna move on now to our next tier, cool from a distance. Which I think there should be more on this list, but I'm well, you you'll see. I think the point I'm making uh is that my my feelings on a lot of these animals are very like strong, and so this is actually the weakest category because this is very much like, oh, kinda cool, but still a little spooky, whereas it's a lot easier to be like, no, this is a cool animal, and this is a scary animal. And obviously there's a like a lot of scary animals, quote unquote scary animals, are cool, but I'm like, here's a fun one, here's a chill one, and here's a bad one. And this is kind of like the in-between of that, because I would still be comfortable hanging around these things, but like I said, from a distance. And the first one on there is bats. I feel like that kind of encapsulates this this whole idea pretty pretty well. Look at a bat. They're pretty cool, they're they're pretty cute. Not some of them are uh uh like bloodsuckers, some of them are fruit eaters. Um but uh bats to me are so like conceptually interesting. I mean, I don't think there's another animal that sleeps upside down like that. Like, why the hell did that develop in their um evolution? But it did. Um and they're like birds, but they're mammals. Mammal birds. That's kind of weird. Um and yet, like, I wouldn't want to be in. A room with one. I would want to go to a zoo and see one. I'd want to go like out at night and like see some flapping around. Like I'd be totally fine with that. But trapped in a tight space with one where we're both aware of each other, that's I'm that's less inst uh uh less interesting to me. Or rather, less uh I am not interested in that. Next up on this list, and this is this is pr there's two on this list that I just actually don't know a lot about these animals, so I had to do like a little quick Google on this one, but like it's a water buffalo. And I I don't know why this one and not like a regular buffalo or whatever like maybe it doesn't matter. Like someone put this list together. Some kid could have put this, and it's fine, but it's a water buffalo, it it seems like one of those animals that I could like like a real like a bison. Like that's what I'm familiar with. Um like it seems like one of those animals that I could like hang out on the side of the road somewhere and look off into a field and be like, hey, that's cool that they're over there, and it's cool that they're so big and muscular, but that feels like an animal that could gore me, and I don't know what their temperament is. Maybe it's pretty bad. And if that's the case, then definitely don't want to hang around them, but like I don't know. D is this the type of animal is this like the stereotypical bull that it's just like, oh I see you, time to die, I'm gonna just devote myself to killing you. Because I don't get that impression from this one picture I have on this tier list and that one quick Google I did. Um But yeah, I don't know. I just don't know anything about these things, but they're strong and they're big, so they could do some damage, but I'm not really afraid of them. Next up, the kangaroo. And the kangaroo is on this part of the list, and not the chill hang part of this, because there is a part of me that's like, I would totally vibe with a kangaroo. But here's uh here's two things. Thing one, kangaroos are strong as fuck. These dudes even in this little image I have here, these dudes are muscular. And part two, they're muscular in a weirdly human way. It's like when you look at a monkey, and we're gonna talk about monkeys, but um like this picture, this man has uh this man, he has human pecs, he has biceps, like it's like a deer could like the way they look is weird. It's like a deer could stand up on its back legs, but then also it has hands. Like it's that's very strange. It can pick shit up. I've seen like that video of it picking a he gets fucking rocked by that one Aussie man who's just a badass, every Aussie man, apparently. But um, like picking up dogs and shit. And I don't know why, but like it's so weird to me that in Australia, kangaroos basically are their deer. Like, there's videos of like you know, I mean, that for instance, like this is a random poll, but uh when you watch Um Talk To Me, they just find like uh a dying kangaroo in the middle of the road, which I feel like a lot of people who live around my area have have seen that with deer. Or or or rather, like I've seen clips of a kangaroo, like just someone driving down the road, dash cam footage, and a kangaroo is just like, time to fucking meet my maker, jumps into the it just smashes against the windshield. So it's that idiot deer energy, except with a guy you could actively box with. So I'll check that out from a distance because it's crazy, it's got a pouch, and like that's a cool animal. But like, I don't want I don't want to be around any animal other than a human that I could potentially get into a fist fight with. And lose. Again, these guys are ripped. I do not have that physique. Um, I would lose in a fist fight with a kangaroo. That's a fun sentence to say out loud. After this, and honestly, maybe this animal should have been in the tier before, but all but also, hear me out. It's the elephant. Um elephants t are awesome. Okay? They are they are smart, they are kind, they are funny, they have senses of humor. I've seen it all the all over the place. They love to fuck with people when they're comfortable. Um But you know what they also are? Fucking enormous and with giant weapons coming out of their mouth. And again, this is another one of those times where it's like the hypothetical of Connor interfacing with an elephant is a little hard to comprehend because under what circumstance would I ever be in an actual wild setting with an elephant nearby? I I simply would not be. But the fear would be that if I was in close enough proximity, I would do something to scare or anger or irritate it, and then all of a sudden this very chill, very nice animal can gore or trample or f fucking throw me. Like I the the level of dexterity that elephants have with their trunks, again, crazy. Animals are cool. But I don't know. I I feel like a an elephant poses some risk if you're not, you know, if you weren't raised around them and know exactly how to treat them. Um also added risk is that fucking if you hang out around an uh elephant, you might accidentally uh encounter poachers and they might shoot you because poachers, uh speaking of of human morality, they don't have that either. Um so yeah. Next up on this list is the other one that I I kinda really don't know anything about. Looking at this image, I think it's a lynx. It could be a bobcat. I think it's a lynx, though, because lynx have those like funny little those ears, right? Little sharp ears. Either way, uh any kind of wild cat probably could scratch and or fuck you up, kill you up, but um these guys look small enough that like they're I you could probably survive and get out just fine, but like it still would not I don't know. Like, I I again this is another animal I don't really know the temperament of. I don't know how much danger I would be in in close proximity to it. But I mean it looks fluffy as hell, looks kind of cool. Um reminds me of dingoes, where you look at a dingo and you're like, that's a dog, and then you're like, oh, but it's actually also kind of a wolf, and you gotta it could it could hurt you. Um so like a lynx is one of those things that you, like I said, cat person, I would love to go up and cuddle with, but it could probably hurt me. Maybe kill me. I I j I don't know. And I don't even know like how big they actually are. There's not a frame of reference in this little photo I have here. It just looks like a little guy. And it's a very cute little guy. But because I don't know much about it, I wouldn't chill bro down with it. I wouldn't hang. I would be like, hey, we're acquaintances, not friends. Stupid. Alright, and finishing out this list, and this is gonna be a weird one, because a lot of aquatic creatures I would not be down to hang with, and this one is particularly very unsettling to a lot of people. Giant squid! I would I would not go up and hug a giant squid. Ugh and I I mean dude, some of like the idea of being like wrapped up in its tentacles and dragged underwater, that definitely sounds scary. But I don't know if that's their vibe. I don't know if giant squids are like, yeah, let's drown people. Like I I think re- really, really realistically, the reason that this is on the list of like, oh yeah, I'd check it out from a distance is because like they're so fucking hard to find. The footage we have of them, like you could probably see the complete human footage of of of giant squids, and it would take like 20 minutes. Like all footage ever recorded of these motherfuckers, because they're so rare, and they are so hard to find, and pretty much every time we find one, it's mostly dying. Um and so there's so much mystery and so much intrigue attached to these guys. And if I had the opportunity to, which would never happen because what what right do I have to be on any kind of marine biology trip trip or like deep ocean excursion? Not a sailor, not a fisher, not a scientist, nothing. Would not happen again. But if I had the opportunity, if someone was like, hey Connor, you wanna come with me and go check out squids, I'd be like, fuck yeah, dude. That sounds sick. I absolutely want to be a part of that and and see it and see how close I could get before the overwhelming cosmic horror took me over. But that's gonna do it for basically the chill part of our tier list. After this point, I'm not having fun with these animals anymore. Alright, so we are moving on to our third of five tiers. This tier is I'm leaving the general area. If I encounter one of these, especially unexpectedly, my immediate response, no, let's go get our phone. No, let's go bl it is, nope, we're leaving. We're leaving right now, and if we have stuff, we're gonna come back for it when there's no longer an animal in the vicinity. Or it's gone, and that's fine, because I I would not survive a horror movie, but I would not be the first to die in a horror movie. I'm smarter than that. But I am t but I'm not smart enough to win. I'm definitely not a final girl. If anything, I'm um oh, d oh, it disappoints me so bad that I can't think of the character or the actor's name. But I'm that guy from Scream who survives the first movie, the one who's obsessed with horror movies, and it his obsession allows him to survive the first horror movie, but then he gets too cocky and he dies in the second one. That's me. What's that character's name? I d I don't remember. But it's fine. Anyway, the the the f the first animal on this list is the ostrich. Now, I think ostriches are not like the most violent. I think they can be assholes. But really, the the the reason the ostrich, and he's the lowest on this list, is uh the reason the ostrich is on this list is because it's just, hey man, that's that's a bird. That's a that's a too big bird. That's too big for a bird. I've I'm very comfortable with kinda big birds. Like a bird that like goes right up to my waist, that's fine. I'm a taller guy. Penguins can get kind of tall sometimes. I do, I actually do think that there's some penguins that are taller than me. And that fucks me up. I d I don't know. Or maybe they were maybe they were taller than me when I learned about them in fucking first grade. They're probably not taller than me in real life. I'm six foot something, but um a bird that's bigger than you, that's kind of fucked up. That's kind of fucked up. And it can't fly. God, if an ostrich could fly, I would be terrified. Uh but also, am I wrong? Did Australia quote unquote lose a war against ostriches? Or am I making that up? Or also was it emus, which are not ostriches, and I think a different thing, I think. Maybe the same like family or genus or whatever you call it, but that's just too big a bird. Uh okay. We we mentioned this one earlier, but uh let's talk about it. After the ostrich is mosquitoes. Now, I okay, it's weird that they're on this list because if I encountered a mosquito out in the wild, I wouldn't suddenly be like, yeah, let's I mean I guess it depends on where I am, but I I wouldn't suddenly be like, yeah, let's leave, because I'm very familiar with the fact that if I'm encountering a mosquito somewhere, there's probably not a l a place I can go to quickly for there not to be mosquitoes. Like, if it's summer and I'm in a natural setting, I can't like walk 30 feet that way, or like even fucking a couple miles that way and no longer be in mosquito territory. They're just out and about. Now mosquitoes are assholes. Or rather, we've decided mosquitoes are assholes because, like I said, we we do villainize some of these creatures a little bit. And it's very uh it's very interesting how much we fucking hate mosquitoes. I do too. I get it. I also don't like uh wasps generally or bees. Like I know bees are nice, but um if they can sting you, not interested. Um But yeah, I don't know. They're they're on this list. I they're they're after the ostrich, but they're not even like higher because the the fear I have for mosquitoes is mostly just general annoyance. The fear I have of pretty much every following animal is much more primal and visceral. Like where I'm like, oh fuck. Um and to m to that point, the next animal on this list uh is a non-specific shark. Non-specific shark. And the only reason I clarify that is because we're gonna get into a specific shark down the line. You can probably guess which one. But just non-specific sharks. And yeah, look, there are people who go diving with sharks. In fact, there's a diver just hanging out with a shark in the picture I'm looking at. And at some point in my life I could even see myself doing that. Probably cage diving, not free balling it like some of these people do, but uh here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm very familiar with the idea that people are like, hey, we really like I'm talking about villainization. We really demonize sharks. Like they don't they kill, like what, like 10, like somewhere in the range of like 10 to 50. It's probably it's somewhere. Um they kill this many humans every year, and we kill like thousands of sharks every year. That's fucked up. I I I hate a statistic like that. It I I I hate when like obviously you you can't have a conversation in a horror setting about sharks and not mention Jaws. Jaws did Jaws did irreparable damage to the shark community, uh, to their public image, because holy fuck, Jaws is a very effective movie. And there's a bunch of shark movies that are uh of various levels of um quality. Um But at the same time, it's like there's some sharks that are like the size of my arm that could still bite me, probably, but wouldn't. Or if they did, like it wouldn't like I don't know. I don't know. Any animal can kill you if they bite you in the right place, probably. But um, you know, there are some sharks that you don't need to be afraid of. I I don't even know how dangerous they are. Again, like the I keep making podcasts about stuff where it's like, yeah, I don't really know what's happening here, but here's my opinion on it. I guess that's all a podcast is. Anyway, um, hammerhead sharks. That's my point. I like hammerhead sharks, I actually think they're very cool. But I still like if I I don't know, if I was swimming and someone suddenly said, Hey, there's a shark over there, but it's like one of the cool ones, I'd still be like, Yeah, I'm probably good. I'll I'll get out. That's fine. That's fine. You guys enjoy that shark. Um, and then after sharks, and this is I know more about this one, but truly I don't even know my level of danger. After the shark is the hyena. Now the reason I'm not immediately like, oh fuck, is because like I'm I am familiar with hyenas as scavengers, not as hunters. So I'm I am of the impression that like if I again if I went and started throwing rocks at a hyena, i it could probably fuck me up. But I don't again, if I was walking through the savannah for some reason, there are other animals I'd have to be afraid of first. Now, hyenas are creepy a little bit, like just the sound they make, it does there is a that they're you know, we always talk about them laughing. There are certain animals, foxes are another one, that just make weird sounds that if you're not expecting to hear it, can be very terrifying. There was this night I was skateboarding around. Now, when foxes are quiet, they sound kind of like birds, but sometimes foxes scream. And when a fox so yeah, I was in high school and I was skating around at night, and I heard what I believed to be a probably like a high school age girl shrieking at the top of her lungs. And I was like, what the hell? And I always think about this, like I when I tell people this story. My for whatever reason, my first instinct was to skate towards the noise, which I was in high school and I was unarmed and I had no plan of action. I just was like, let's go find out. Don't do that. But anyway, um, I went towards where I thought I guess a woman was getting murdered, and there was just a fox hanging out, and I was like, wow, that's terrifying. Don't do that. Um that's can you imagine like walking around at night in fucking the savannah again? I think it's the savannah. The planes, whatever. Um, already terrified about something jumping out and eating you, something biting you, something you know, starving, whatever. Like, I don't know what this hypothetical we're in anymore is, but and then you just hear like a it's a terrible fucking hyena laugh. But like just a cut a a cackle in the night. I would think there was a witcher, I would think there's a banshee. I'm gonna die. Um, so yeah, I don't know. Also, uh hyena birth sounds incredibly gnarly. And I I kind of always think about that. Like hyena birth, they get tore the fuck up. Like, I I don't know why. Evolution's very weird. Sometimes it's just like, yeah, sorry dude, you're fucked. Sorry. Yeah, birds get to lay eggs. You get to get torn apart. Yeah, anyway, you're welcome, mammals. And finally, the last on this list, and actually, this is one of my personal favorite animals, you might understand because of that little diatribe I gave earlier about loving Colorado wildlife, is specifically the black bear. Now, black bears, absolutely a hundred percent could murder you so hard and it would not be a fun experience. Hundred percent it would not be fun. But compared to many other bears you might be familiar with, black bears are pretty chill. They're smaller, as far as I'm concerned, and mostly keep to themselves. Most times that someone has a bad encounter with a black bear, it's because of cubs, right? They just walked into a place they shouldn't have been, or they were fucking bothering cubs, and then all of a sudden a mama got pissed and did some mama shit. Um, I love black bears. I love their little yellow noses, their big black bear bodies, their big I love how round they are. They're so goofy looking. I love those videos when um uh uh black bears are like scratching their back against trees and they speed it up and they put like rave music over it and it's fucking awesome and so fun. Um, I just think bears are sick. I've loved bears for uh for years. I I they're like they've they were one of my favorite animals for a long time. Currently my favorite animal is the raccoon, but uh you know, they're up there. They're probably top five. Um I should do that. Top five list. Raccoon, blue whale, black bear. Um maybe a squirrel. I do, I like squirrels. And maybe cats. I don't know. That that could be my top five. Anyway, um black bears, I believe, if you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. Um and I again, like this there's also I do know that um there's like seasons of aggression. Like if it's a mating season, you might be in a lot more danger, or breeding season or whatever you call it. I think it is called mating season. Um but I mean it's a wild bear. Like they're known for being murderers. There you're you can't detach that from your association with them. But a black bear is probably the bear I'd be most interested in meeting out in the wild, other than like a panda, which might not be an actual bear. No. I think a panda is a bear. A koala's not a bear. A koala bear is a marsupial. And I think there might red pandas, I don't think, are actual bears. I think those might also be marsupials. Um. And then there's one more bear that's like not a real bear. I don't know. Y'all ever seen sun be- by the way, they're not on this list. Y'all ever seen sun bears? Those guys look weird. They're funny. Google sun bears. They're I I've seen people describe them as they look like humans wearing bear costumes. Um, it's very funny. Okay, it's very funny. Okay. Uh we're moving up to the the fun part of this list, the spooky part of this list now. Uh, the straight up scary region. Alright. Uh, so before we start with this next section, I have a quick question for everybody. Can I have a cigarette? That was my obligatory Magnus Archives reference because the first one on this list is the fucking anglerfish. Now, as I've mentioned before, for a lot of these animals, this is another one of those animals that would take some fucking crazy circumstance for me to actually encounter. Because not only do they live in the ocean where I am nowhere near, but also they live like fucking deep down there. You know what I learned recently? I think I learned this on stream. I think someone told me this in my chat. So if you were that person, um, thank you. Uh, that an anglerfish is not bioluminescent, allegedly. Um, the little dangler thing, the danglerfish, stupid. Um, that little dangly bit is apparently another organism that works in tandem with the anglerfish. I think that I I believe that's what I was told. Again, I could be pulling this right out of my ass. And if I am, I'm sorry, but also what are you gonna do about it? It's my podcast, and I can lie as much as I want. And I but I try not to. Um either way, I don't care who the hell is responsible for that light. Those motherfuckers are nasty. I don't understand why for some animals they're like, yeah, we're gonna give you like look at humans, or like a lot of mammals specifically. We're gonna give you like well-defined, perfectly rogue, like intersecting teeth that don't. And then for some animals, they're like, yeah, we're just gonna give you fucking jutted like per like crazy, no rhyme or reason, just like crazy fangs jutting the right the hell like we're we're gonna talk about like crocodiles down the line here. What the hell? Like, some animals they're just like, yeah, we're just gonna throw sharp rocks in your mouth. We're not going to organize it at all. You just got 'em. Look at an anglerfish. There's just a fuck ton of shit coming out of this thing's mouth. It also has like a bunch of strings over it. I don't know what the hell that is. It's a bad fish. That's a bad fish, and I don't want it around. I think they're like football sized, which is nice. For some reason, though, I have this image of an anglerfish that's bigger than me. Probably because of um Uh, what's that game called? Outer Wilds. Is that what it is? Wait, hold on, I'm getting confused. Is it Outer Wilds or Outer Fields? I think those are two different games. Outer Wilds, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, the game is Outer Wilds, but there's a planet that you can go to in Outer Wilds that's full of big old big old anglerfish that are blind, but if you make too much sound, they eat you. And it the first time it happened, I had a very visceral response. Whoa, fuck! Dude, what the hell is going on with those creatures? That's terrifying. Stuff that's at the bottom of the ocean is crazy. I already talked about the giant squid. I'm kind of chill with those. They're still freaky. Dude, there's this fucking like spider squid thing. It's got long ass legs. What am I talking about? I also talked about this on s on stream. Oh, the big fin squid. What the fuck, dude? Go on, go on your phone right now and just type in either. Well, spider squid works, but type in big fin squid. What the fuck, dude? Oh. I found a gif. Oh Christ, dude, that's so scary. That's so scary. You can't even see what I'm looking at. Dude, they're so fucked up. What a terrif what a terrifying reality to exist in, where those are also there. Anglerfish too. Okay. Speaking of, um, we've had a couple aquatic creatures on this one. They're not fun. Um, next up, I mentioned this earlier, the Great White Shark. Now again, again. I know sharks get a bad rap, especially because of Jaws. But hey, dude, of all the sharks that I don't want to see, this is the one that I most don't want to see. If I look look, like I mentioned it earlier. I don't know how dangerous hammerhead sharks are. If if I uh how dangerous hammerhead sharks are. If I jumped off a boat, looked down, I was like, oh shit, there's a hammerhead shark down there. I would be like, hey guys, let's get I would climb back in the boat. I look down, I see a great white. I'm Fuck! Oh god! I I like I'm losing my mind. Like that is a terrifying and because and it's fully cultural. It is fully cultural. And I'm pretty sure these guys are no like, again, I don't live near the ocean, but I don't even think they're like around America. I'm pretty sure they're like like near Australia again? Like, why did Bruce have an Australian accent in in finding Nemo? Like they're probably Australian, but also like in Jaw where's Jaws? Maybe they are near America. Truly, I don't know. I'm the the all I'm learning from this podcast episode is that I'm um stupid in another way that I didn't know about. But here we go. Um but it's purely cultural because God, Great Whites are the evil shark. They're the one that everyone's like, yeah, that's the bad shark that's gonna come and fucking bite your head off. And maybe they're right. Like, I just don't wanna, I just don't wanna I I said everything that needs to be said about sharks earlier in this podcast episode. But the Great White, it just encapsulates such every part of what is so scary about sharks to everyone. The blackness of their eyes, those guys are huge, they have like these round bodies, they look like torpedoes, or rather, I guess torpedoes look like sharks. Um they're just they have this empty face, this gr this grimace that they're always making. That that's just a terrifying creature. That would just be terrifying. I don't there's not much more to say about it. They're just that's scary. Um after this, and this is interesting, this is the first animal that I'm truly like it like beyond like, oh, this is a predator that might hurt you, but it has no ill will, this thing barely has a consciousness. And you know what it is? It's jellyfish. There are I think jellyfish are actually very beautiful in a very eerie, um surreal kind of way. Um ethereal, I think is a good word to describe them. Um moon jellyfish, I believe is what they're called. Those are the little ones that have like the rings on top, which I did find out are sex organs. Um, but still they're like very they're those are so pretty. I sometimes have those as my like computer desktop because they're just the undulation, like the movement that they make to drift through the water. I don't think I I as as far as I'm concerned, they don't have brains. That's what I've been told. Um so they're just kind of existing. They're basically plants. However, when I'm talking about jellyfish that are scary, I'm not talking about like, oh, they're tiny little baby ones that can like that don't even sting you, or like, oh, just like a regular one that you can see. Every time I think about it, I think about okay, and I did learn recently that this isn't a man that it's not even a real jellyfish, but it's like actually a an ecosystem that appears as one animal. But like I think of the mana war, right? That's fucked up. Those have those the Mana Wars tendrils reach so long they can paralyze you. Um what's it a a jellyfish is like just it's like a hazard. It's like an obstacle because it it it has that s it has that defense mechanism which is so terrifying and so whatever, but it's not, you know, it's not trying to hurt you. It because it can't. It can't try to do anything. I like again if if I'm correct about the fact that they don't have a brain, they're just kind of existing. They're just kind of floating around there. But I remember one time, and I think this is actually why um I have a visceral reaction to the concept of jellyfish. I went uh to Mexico with uh a couple of my friends when I was I was very little. They were like family friends, so it was like a whole family trip. And we went on like a little diving excursion at some point. And the first few times we went diving was really fun. We didn't see all too much, but like or rather it wasn't diving, it was snorkeling. Yeah uh we we had the we were like at the surface of the water, you the snorkeling. Um But one of the times we went, we were surrounded by tiny little I guess baby jellyfish, or maybe it was just a very small breed of jellyfish. And for whatever reason, I'm pretty sure sure we were wrong, but someone told me, like, oh the baby jellyfish, their sting is that much more painful and it's that much more worse. And so the entire time I was swimming, I was like, oh my god, oh my god. Like trying to avoid all of them. Like I would brush up against something and I'd be like, ugh, I would have just like a very, like a very I got I'm very aware of my own body and it was a very spooky and like at the end of the day, like nothing stung anyone, and we all had a great time and it was fun, but I just remember that experience of swimming around and seeing all these little dots in the water and being like, oh my god, those are all murder pellets. Just little pillows that if I brush into them, in my mind at the time, uneducated, I'm gonna die. And for some re I don't know, that's always stuck with me. Um hey, the next one on this list I feel I don't even need to describe, so um fuck you. But uh spiders. The one I'm looking at right here is a tarantula, but I don't give a shit. I'm sorry, dude. I'm totally fine with snakes. For whatever reason, snakes didn't appear on this list. I'm totally fine with snakes. I can deal with snakes all day. Um my dad, uh my dad's terrified of snakes. Um hi dad, if you're listening. Uh he used to every now and then have us go do random stuff in our backyard, like moving stones around for whatever project he was working on, or like weeding in certain areas where like weeds tended to grow a lot. Um and I think he he my dad was never like afraid of like going out and doing yard work and stuff. Like, I mean, yeah, he he he was a classic dad. He goes out and he mows the lawn, he he's wearing a tank top, listening to music, he's he's doing dad shit. But I was always like, wait, why do we do this thing with the rocks? Because like a lot of the time we did it wrong, and he'd always be like, guys, you need to put them here or you're not doing it fast enough. You know, dad stuff. And I was like, why are we always the ones? And then I remember, like, oh yeah, every now and then when I lift up a rock, there's a garter snake under there. Garter? Gardener? Garter? I think it's garter. There's just a snake under there. And I take a stick and I pick it up and I move it over to the other place in the rocks, that it's fine. Because they just hang out there, especially when it's warm, they need that shade. Uh, they hung out. I know that this again, snakes are not on this list. It feels like it's worth it to talk about them. I can deal with a snake all day. Um, that's probably being honest, like, that's probably in the not chill hang category, but like cool from a distance. Like, I'm down with snakes. Like, I I still don't love touching them because they're weird shaped, but like whatever. A spider though, dude, it could literally be fingernail sized, like pinky fingernail sized. I hate those motherfuckers. I actually hate most bugs. I don't know if you've picked up on this. Um my hatred of bugs comes from a very specific memory. I used to sleep with my window open um during the summers because it just got hot in my house. And one day I woke up, and this sounds like a lie, it's fully not. I woke up and there was a moth, like one of the really furry ones. I don't know what kind it was. I choose not to look into it. There was a moth. Moths are arguably my least favorite insect. Sitting on my nose, I swear to God, looking into my eyes. I woke up, it was right there, I screamed, I basically slapped myself in the face like four times, and I ran out of the room and I took a shower immediately. It nothing happened. It's a moth. It didn't bite me or anything, but I that uh terrified me. Now, spiders are bitches. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you like spiders. Spiders are bitches, though, because their body is segmented weird. Some of them bite, some of them bite so bad you die. Um, I remember the first time I read about the Black Widow, I was like, oh great, I should um, I I should I should shoot myself so I'd never have to even think about seeing one of these things. Don't it was maybe not that dramatic, but like I hate these guys. I I actually can I'm having a hard time looking at my phone. If you watched me play Resident Evil 9 recently, there's a little spider boss fight in that. I actually had a hard time. I I I figured it out and I made it work, but I had a hard time with it. Um spiders, don't like them. Don't like them. Aragog from Harry Potter, nope, not a fan. Daddy Long Legs, which I don't think are even technically really spiders. That's what people always tell me. No, thank you, not a fan. Uh fucking tarantulas, people like, oh, tarantulas are fine, they're big, they're actually peaceful. Uh yeah. You ever heard of the Goliath tarantula? They eat birds. So fuck you. Uh fuck you. Uh no, I hate, I hate every spider. There's not a good one. My girlfriend's like, what if I got a jumping spider? They're so cute. I'm like, uh, I would kill it. I've told her this. I've told her this. Actually, we did come to an agreement. Um, so she does have permission to bring a jumping spider into this house, but that's probably not gonna happen. I think I would put up too much of a stink. But yeah, she's like, Oh, what if I could bring a jumping spider into the house? I was like, I'm sorry, I would smash it with a brick while you were at work. Um and I love my girlfriend, and I would never kill something she loves, and I would never destroy anything that she cares about, unless it was a fucking spider that she brought into my house. So I don't like spiders.

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There are two animals after the spider on this list, though. You would think from my reaction that the spider is the no, but it's not. Um, because some spiders are chill, right? Like, I hate them, but some spiders are not gonna murder you. But after spiders come crocodiles, and holy fuck, dude, a crocodile, uh, crocodile hates you. I don't believe most animals know the meaning of the word hate. I believe crocodiles do. Saltwater crocodiles, dude, holy fuck, dude. Those are monsters. Those are dinosaurs. Um they've been around for so long and there's been zero evolutionary changes to them because they are they're perfect for what they need to be, which is a terrifying, soulless predator. Um, you ever heard of a death roll? That's what crocodiles do. Maybe that's also what alligators do. I think they both do it, but either way. Um it's where they grab you. They grab a deer or like whatever, but it can be a human. They've done it to humans. Like I said, some predators on this list, including this one, consider humans like viable food sources. That's fucked up. That shouldn't be allowed, and yet. Um they grab you, I think they usually try to grab you around the neck, and then they get you in the water and they just kind of fucking spin you. And I think the goal is just to kill you in a lot of different ways. I think they basically break your neck, or they break your spine, or they they just incapacitate you in that way. I think they could also drown you. Um, and then also at that time you're getting fucking uh all tore up by a gator or or a crocodile, so you also could probably be losing blood and stuff. Bunch of not fun ways to die. What I specifically hate about this, and it's weird that I know this primarily from Red Dead more than anything else, is that these dudes blend in like crazy. Now I'm very lucky. I don't live in a place where these guys are threats, but Florida exists, the Everglade exists, um, you know, South America, like there-there's a bunch of places where Gators and Crocs and all these motherfuckers hang out and exist. And I just know that if there would there would come a time I'd be walking through some vegetation, I'd be walking near a body of water, and I'd I would be like, my brain would just register, like, oh, there's a fallen tree over there, and all of a sudden the tree would attack me with its demon yellow eyes. And it's again, it's one of those animals that they just threw a bunch of teeth in there. There's not a rhyme or reason. There's just a fucking bunch of sharp shit just jutting out of there, and it doesn't stay-why the hell doesn't it stay in their mouth? It's out of their mouth. That's a dinosaur. The dinosaurs, they went extinct, but not all of them, because holy fuck. Yeah. And closing out this list is the monkey. Now, the picture the picture that they chose for monkeys on this particular tier list is a capuchin, which is not a monkey I'm afraid of. It's a that's the little uh white one with the pink face, and it's got like a black back half of its body, and it's it's like teddy bear size. Like, I mean, that thing could probably like break a finger or like scratch your eyes out or something. Like, monkeys are assholes. But the w what I'm thinking of, and what picture they really should have used here, is a chimpanzee. I I feel like I don't have to go into this, but I'll do it a little bit. Chimpanzees tear people's faces off. You ever seen Nope? That's my favorite Jordan Peele movie. There's a very scary chimpanzee in that. Chimpanzees are gen they are ridiculously strong, like comparable if not stronger than human strength. They are aggressive, they uh can organize themselves with other chimpanzees, they got teeth, they they can smile, and again, and they do. So to us, a smile is like, hey, this is a nice gesture, but to them that's like an aggressive thing. So this is a thing that'll murder you while smiling at you, which I'm not a fan of. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't know if you are. Go for it if you're you're vibing with the concept. I think a monkey is potentially one of the scariest things to get murdered by, because that is a very it's a weirdly human way to go. Like, like I said, like chimpanzees specifically is kind of what I'm talking about here. Um chimpanzees are so comparable to humans in their design. They are basically our precursors, if I, if, if evolution if I understand evolution correctly. Um And so therefore there is like this visceral visceral element of the experience, I imagine that would be like a part of your brain wanting to reason with or like come up with some empathetic way to stop this horrible, violent thing happening to you. And yet there's still that animal disconnect, which chimps they've gotten far. They've apparently reached the Stone Age, but um, which is terrifying in itself. Uh, because we've all seen Planet of the Apes. I don't know if we've all seen it, but I've seen it. Um And uh uh I don't know, it's just that disconnect between this thing that is so human and can lit like it can punch you. Again, this is what this was the thing about um about kangaros, except kangaroos aren't really they kangaroos don't tear into you in this way. Like, this is an animal that could punch you in the face. And I don't I I I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of, again, having a fist fight with an animal who doesn't understand human morality. Cause I'll lose that fist fight because they'll it'll kill me. If you get into a fist fight with a monkey, you're I don't know what your goal is, but that monkey's fighting for its life. So it'll kill you if it gets the chance. That's again a very fun sentence for me to get to say. If you were fist fighting with a monkey. But hey man, don't do it if you can choose not to. Alrighty, Boneheads, we have officially reached the finale of our tier list with the final category of I might actually die. Now, to be perfectly honest, there have been animals that could kill you, uh in pretty much every category here. That's how it's been. But like. Also, kind of ironically, um, this last uh category is probably the most boring because it's all the animals you would expect to to to kill you. These uh I'm gonna list okay, how many are on here? Uh one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. It's actually our second longest category. Um, all eight of the uh animals that I'm about to list here could are are probably top ten worst animal deaths in probably anyone's book. Like, these are not surprising, and yet they do have to be at the top of the list because basically we're talking about just apex predators at this point. And dude, sorry, if you got airdropped down next to uh I'm spoilers to later in this list, a lion, if you just woke up next to a lion, you're gonna die, probably, unless you're one of those freaks who makes friends with lions and then inevitably gets eaten down the line. Okay. Uh the first one on this list, the least scary of the most scary to me, is the rhinoceros, the rhino. Um, this is another one I actually don't know that much about. I do know they're herbivores, but hey dude, if you're gonna be that big and you're gonna have a fucking weapon on the front of your face, you're gonna make the top of the list. Now, ironically, rhinos get grouped in with one other predator that, to me, is absolutely by far the most terrifying animal of all time. But we're gonna talk about that at the end, because I mean, we're gonna get there. Next up is the wolf. Now, a wolf is basically just an extra scary dog. That's that's uh that's ignoring a lot of factors, but I mean, like, like, hear me out. Um, what is scary to me about wolves is not just like individually them as predators, like obviously like getting attacked by a wolf would be fucking awful. You would get your throat torn out, essentially, probably. Um, but it's their level of organization. They're pack hunters. And so you're not gonna just I mean, I assume. I again, like, this hypothetical is weird. I I could, I do live in Colorado. I could encounter wolves here. We have less. There was a controversy about them like a couple of years ago where I think they attacked some cattle, and we were trying to integrate more gray wolves, but now like farmers didn't like it. I truly, I don't know where we landed on that. We might act- I actually need to go back on it. I voted about it a couple years ago, and I think the vote that I wanted to pass did, but it's been a while, so I should go back. Anyway, point is um I could realistically encounter a wolf, but you wouldn't encounter you would not encounter a wolf. You would encounter a bunch of wolves, probably. And that's a lot that's worse. Um I remember kind of watching over my mom's shoulder, because I I I've never sat down and watched this movie myself, but I saw a lot of it watching my mom watch it. Uh, a Liam Neeson movie called The Grey, uh, which is after a plane crash in, I don't know, maybe Alaska. Like it looks like some winter like wilderness. Um Liam Neeson and a bunch of survivors basically just go about trying to survive in the wilderness. And spoiler alert for real, I and Baze I've barely even seen this movie, but like I still remember it. All of them die. They die in a bunch of different accidents. One of them drowns. I remember he like gets caught under a lake and he drowns. Um but at the end, uh, Liam Neeson fist fights a wolf with a bunch of broken bottles taped to his knuckles, and I think they both die at the end. So that I actually don't even remember my point. That kicks ass, but also wolves are scary. The idea of being hunted by wolves. Pretty scary. Pretty scary. Okay. Next up though, and uh, we're actually gonna. You know what? Uh this is actually funny to me. We're gonna loop three in together purely for wizard of uh wizards. Wizard of Oz reasons. Holy fuck. You know why? Because the next three that I have on my list is a lion, a tiger, and a bear. Oh my. Is that a Wizard of Oz reference or have I gotten confused? One sec. I was right. It is. I was like, yeah, it's gotta be it's gotta do with the cowardly lion. It does. Okay, I was right. Okay, but let let's be perfectly uh let's let's be clear here. These are different animals that uh have different levels of fear attached to them. The lion, uh I I I will say, lions and tigers, I think, are very comparable in the fear level. I know that they have kind of different behaviors. I think lions are a little bit more social, whereas tigers tend to hunt alone. Like lions work with um, I think it's called a Pride, I think. I think that's their group. Um hell yeah, Pride Month. It's about lions. Um, it's about gay people who we love. But also lions can go. What uh the hell am I talking about? Anyway. Um, but either way, they're big cats who are crazy strong and who are just really good hunters. They'll chase you down, they'll take you out. This is what I'm talking about with this last category kind of weirdly being the most boring category, because pretty much all these animals is just like, yeah, dude, they'll kill you so good because they are one of the best killers that nature has designed. A lion will take you out if the lion's in its prime. A tiger will absolutely take you out if it's in its prime. I am more afraid of tigers than I am of lions, because I tend to think of lions as just chasing you down and killing you, which is terrifying. But I tend to think of tigers as like stalking you. Like they have a little bit more camouflage going on anyway. Um, like stalking you and then pouncing on you, which is just that much more more uh that much more intimidating than uh just getting chased down by a line. And then at the end we've got uh, you know, I mentioned the black bear earlier. This is the grizzly bear. And this might be a stereotype, but again, this kind of like a great white shark thing. The grizzly bear is the bear that you look at and you go, oh shit, that's not the bear I want to encounter. Or you could call it the Kodiak Bear, which is fascinating because our next bear is the polar bear. And I believe, if I'm not incorrect here, that the Kodiak Bear is basically just a mixing of the grizzly bear and the polar bear. Both of these guys are fucking monster nightmare mammal killing machines. I've seen I think I've seen polar bear- I I think I have seen more videos of polar bears brutally killing their prey than just about any animal. Maybe cats, because cats, like I've mentioned in certain videos, are kind of terrible when it comes to killing their play, their prey, because they do play with it, and again, there's a natural reason for that, but that would be a pretty terrifying way to go. But like, I remember there's this doc-I think it might be David Attenborough. It's probably is because he does everything. It's like a uh Our Planet on Netflix. That might be what I'm talking about. I think that's David Attenborough, and there's a winter one. Um, and there's this clip where there's a the mot uh a ba a seal mother and a seal baby that are getting r hunted down by a polar bear, and the seal mom with the greater instincts is able to escape and then just kind of watches as this polar bear just fucking tears that baby seal apart. I'm sorry, this is a i that's some dark imagery to conjure in um in in this silly little podcast. But dude, that that's the thing. These guys, they're not killing maliciously, but it's fucked up when they do it, man. Uh, polar bear, any bear would not be a fun way to go. I'm always reminded of um oh, I can't remember that dude's name, but you know who I'm talking about. The the guy who who who went out and he lived among grizzlies, and then one year he just stayed out a little too late, and this is what I was talking about about the mating season or the breeding season or whatever. He stayed in that s that that that little window where they get way too aggressive, and he just got comfortable and he got confident, and he got he and his girlfriend, if I recall correctly, both got mauled to death. And apparently it was so bad they won't even release the audio. Um that's how apparently horrific uh this event was. Or I I'm actually I I'm pretty confident if you looked for it, you could probably find the audio somewhere. But in the um the little documentary that I didn't even watch, I actually was uh told about it by Mr. Gigi. Not in person, god I wish. I watched his video about it. But um yeah, in the in the video they say, yeah, they don't play the audio. Apparently, only a couple of people on earth have heard it, it's that bad. And dude, I mean, like, even think about it, like the conceptualizing getting mauled to death by an animal is already hard enough, but just like the sound of it. The tearing of your own body being torn into pieces, your own screaming, the breath and snarls and whatever of whatever creatures tearing you apart, if there are bystanders, their screams, the natural sound of whatever environment you're in, like just all of it. When you think about that as someone's final moments, the last thing they experience before their life ends, God, what a horrific way to go. You don't even have time to like think about your loved ones or or like, you know, have that like final flashback. I don't even know. Maybe maybe you do still get it. Like, that's the weird thing about the human brain. It's it's really hard to understand exactly what someone's last moments really feel like. But like, that's a bad one. That wouldn't the And we come now to the last two animals on this list. They are totally unrelated. But these are two animals that again I will never encounter in my life, probably. Outside of a zoo. Um but when I think about having to actually deal with one of these animals one-on-one, it's it's it's truly just it's unimaginable. Like these it's so horrifying. And the first one we're gonna talk about before the very last one, which I kinda hyped up earlier, is the gorilla. Gorilla, very much similar to the fear about the chimpanzee, right? Chimpanzee, it's got that human physique, it's got those teeth, it's got intelligence, it's got emotions and empathy and anger. And it's basically the same thing except a gorilla is fucking ripped. A gorilla is so strong. Dude, a gorilla, if it got really mad at you, first of all, a gorilla will bite your face off. They've got crazy teeth. I'm pretty sure they're omnivores. They eat plants and animals, and so fuck you, dude. They'll they'll tear into you. But it could also rip your arm off. Like there's so look, I know, like, when you think about it, they're both terrible, but like the difference between getting your throat ripped out by something sharp and getting your arm pulled off just by pure strength, like y your skin is not being severed. It is being stretched and torn by the simple act of pulling. Like, I I I don't I don't know how to describe it other than like like one of your b it's being cut versus being literally like I I always think one of the worst execution methods that I've I've heard about historically is uh being drawn and quartered. Um I believe that's what it's called, where where you're like horses are tied to different limbs and then they run off in different directions or carts go off in different directions or anything like that, and you're just your your body is torn apart by force. Something about that is so much scarier to me than being beheaded, than being like I like liter like bury a knife in my stomach and pull it up and like let all my gut spill out. That's pretty terrifying. That's what a lion's gonna do to you, that's what a tiger's gonna do to you. But the idea of ha just something being strong enough to like a Lego man take your arm off and just and just comes off your body I I I I I can't even describe, like I can't even imagine the pain and terror like I mean I have to imagine you you knock out immediately, like you go into shock like that, and it's probably done, but like there's a level of strength that gorillas possess that is akin to a demigod, right? Like the this is that is Herculean. It's crazy. And now we've reached the end of this list with the final animal. And I I I I don't think this is gonna surprise anyone. These things are fucking war machines, they're tanks. It's the hippo. I I I don't need to describe this. Hippos are monsters. I think pure definition-wise, they are monsters. They are way faster than you expect them to be. They are probably one of the heaviest land mammals out there, if not the heaviest. I maybe the elephant weighs more, I'm not certain. They I again this is another one of those animals that I'm like, I don't think animals experience rage or evil, but I bet hippos do. Um a hippo dude. It's just I mean, it's just like imagine getting trampled by a horse, right? Very bad. You might survive it, but like either way, like it's you're gonna that's gonna fuck you up for bad, for real. And then imagine it being a hippo. A hippo stepping on you, shattering your rib cake. Like I I I'm gonna get too graphic here because there's so many different instances I've thought of of like have you ever seen a a video of a hippo with a watermelon in its mouth, and then it just closes its mouth like it's not like it doesn't bite down. It simply closes its mouth, and the watermelon shatters into a billion pieces, just smushes by the sheer weight of its of its of its mouth. It's not even biting. And then hippos genuinely do get so mad. They get angry, they flip people's boats, they they they rampage. There are these clips of or rather, I heard this story now oh now I'm remember I can't even remember if this is an elephant now. I think it's a hippo though. But it might be an elephant. I heard a story of a large mammal who killed a person and then went to that person's funeral and killed a bunch more people there. Now that I'm thinking about it, that might be an elephant. That's fucked up. Either way, whatever animal that is, that's horrifying. You're there, you're there, like, yes, and and and our beloved Janine, I guess I named her Janine. She she she she was taken from us by an elephant. And you're thinking about Janine dying by an elephant, and then an elephant shows up and kills more people, maybe kills you? That's weird almost funny, but but it's a real thing that happens, so let's not call it funny. The hippo I know I'm talking about elephants now. I don't know. It's I'm tired. Uh the hippo. It's just a ta it's just a monster. It's just a it's just a it's just a thing. Like what? I you know what I I remember hearing about bears a while ago? Is that you can shoot a bear in the head with a sniper rifle from a certain distance and the bear will not die. Like, that's how thick of skin they have. I have to imagine there's some similarities going on with hippos, dude. They have so much body mass. I have to imagine if I took a gun, and I don't know, maybe if I fucking placed it right between a hippo's eyes and pulled the trigger, I that would do the job. Even then, probably wouldn't get close enough. But if I took like if I had a handgun and I was getting attacked by a hippo and I emptied the clip into the hippo stomach, I'm very confident that maybe the hippo would get scared off, but it would not die. Like the the idea of basically any animal that I feel comfortable and I don't feel comfortable shooting any animal. I don't hunt or do I or really use guns at all, but um the idea of an animal that I could empty the clip of any gun into and it would just it would just kind of thug it out, it would just shake it off, not interested in in dealing with that animal. Just not, you know? And uh so that's why I don't like the hippo. Well, folks, that is gonna do it for our tier list. I am very curious. I know that um because of the tier list that I chose to order, there are a bunch of animals that I didn't talk about. Like I said, snakes weren't even included on there, and that feels like a pretty big one. So if there's other animals that you guys are afraid of that you think uh deserve conversation, let me know in the comments. I want to hear what other weird animals uh you guys are afraid of, or if there's just other animals you think that I would like to know about, especially if they're like weird sea creatures, feel free to share them with me. I I I like hearing about these kinds of things. I i I don't remember if I said it in this episode, I think I did. But I would consider myself an animal lover, even though, as we learned today, not super educated on them. Um just cool to know about, you know? We we there's so many different species on this planet, and and some of them are, you know, there's a lot of them that are very similar to each other, or they're just oh, there's 30,000 different birds. I don't think that's true. There's probably not that many different birds, but like, I don't know, there's a bunch of birds. And I I I don't know about them. But every once in a while you hear about an animal that you've never heard about, and you're like, fuck, dude, how did I not know that exists? I remember when I was studying or when I was uh researching for my uh lake monsters video and I found out about Gariels, I was like, what the fuck? How have how have I lived 22 and some odd years and never heard of these things? And now I'm looking at them. I'm like, this is a fucking skinny jawed crocodile, weird alien creature. Very weird. So, let me know what animals you're afraid of. Let me know weird animals you think I should know about. Um, let me know if you have ideas for future podcast topics, and uh, thank you guys so much for joining me today. I had a lot of fun with this. I'm sorry that it came out uh a little later than it was supposed to. Like I said in my YouTube post, there's just always hardware issues and there's nothing to be done about it other than eventually trying to replace stuff, but that's expensive. So if you're interested in becoming a member, I think if you're listening to this on uh on on YouTube and you're on the new channel, which by the way, welcome, uh, we're probably actually not we have not grown enough to accept members. But if you're interested in supporting me and and getting more podcasts down the line, you can go to my main channel, which is Connor McGrath, uh, and consider becoming a member there. You can hang out with us, you can um talk to us on Discord. Um I'm trying to include uh a members, uh a thank you members thing at the end of my videos now. I do forget still. Um, but either way, thank you for joining me on this episode. I hope you had fun with it. I definitely did. And I will see you next week. All right, Boneheads. Bye-bye.