You can question religion AND still love God.

Episode 3: You Can Question Religion and Still Love God

What happens when you begin questioning the beliefs, systems, and interpretations you were taught… but still deeply love God, Jesus Christ, and the spiritual truth you feel within your soul?

In this raw, emotional, and thought-provoking episode of I.M.authentic, we explore the journey of seeking deeper truth — beyond fear, judgment, shame, and the limitations that can sometimes come through organized religion. This conversation is not about turning away from God, Jesus, or the Bible… it’s about searching for a deeper understanding, a fuller story, and a more authentic spiritual connection rooted in the heart.

We dive into the human experience of spirituality and what it means to reconnect with God in a way that feels genuine, expansive, and soul-led rather than performative or fear-based.

In this episode, we discuss:
 • Questioning religion while still loving God and Jesus Christ
 • Seeking deeper spiritual truth beyond surface-level teachings
 • The emotional and spiritual effects organized religion can sometimes create
 • Authenticity versus perfection in your spiritual journey
 • Finding connection with God from within instead of through fear or judgment
 • Healing spiritual wounds and reconnecting to your true self
 • Exploring the deeper meaning of the Bible, consciousness, and spiritual awakening
 • Why asking difficult questions can sometimes strengthen faith instead of destroy it

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt spiritually conflicted, judged, disconnected, or afraid to explore deeper questions about faith, God, religion, the Universe, and the human experience.

Because maybe true connection with God was never about hiding who you are…
 Maybe it was always about finding the courage to seek truth, live authentically, and reconnect with the divine from within.

A powerful episode for spiritual seekers, deep thinkers, empaths, healers, and anyone navigating their own awakening while still holding love for God, Jesus Christ, and the deeper truths of existence.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

This is I Am Authentic. Healing 4. Rooted in Truth.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Growth Without Borders. This is Episode 3. Hi everyone. So we created episode 3 based around the topic that you can question religion and still love God. This is something that Danny and I felt was super important for both of our stories and for the collective in general. I know for me, I grew up in a very Christian setting. So starting from preschool, I was in a Christian school. And you start with your foundation of, you know, the Ten Commandments and Bible studies. And we even had your first class of the day was Bible class. So it was pretty programmed in me what these set of rules were, right? If you were a good person, a bad person, you're going hell. Are you going to go to heaven? And, you know, starting at the age three is pretty heavy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Yeah, definitely. For me, very similar, not the same kind of school, but you know, attending church, things like that. The idea of being, you know, striving for perfection and trying to fit into, you know, this perfect like mold of like what you saw. And like, you know, you can't, you know, make a mistake or, you know, things like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Completely. So, like, for me, the school I went to was first Lutheran. And then I remember at one point that school built a middle school. And then they switched from like Baptist, and it was a mixture of the Baptist pastor, but it was a Lutheran school. And then they switched over to like non-denominational. So one was very strict and one was a little bit more relaxed. And it also had me questioning. But one of the things that I remember is that you couldn't actually voice the questions. Right. It was against, you know, everyone's, I guess, like how they function within their religion. Like you're not allowed to ask questions. I remember having to not be myself around how I feel. And naturally, me as a person, I have to know the answers to what I'm thinking. I have to understand what it is that's going on in my mind. And to feel like I couldn't do that, it never really felt right to me.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

And one of the biggest things is when we get to a certain point of our lives, especially around like teenage years, you're starting to cross that line into quote unquote sinning. Right. Yep. And I feel like had I had known that it is just human nature to sin, make a mistake. Absolutely. And then come out on the other side versus like you sin and you're going to hell. Yep. Yep. And that for me is what started, I feel like almost me becoming a prisoner of myself because, you know, whether it was like kissing a boy, you know, and we get further into teenage years where more things happen, but things that are considered in very strong organized religion to be a sin before you're married, or even just white lies. Right. You know, exactly. That you're an awful person. So it really weighed on me. And as it weighed on me, this is how I kind of got off course with potentially hanging out with the wrong people. Because, you know, at this point, now I'm starting to think like, okay, well, if I cheated on a test and then I did this, then I did that. And now I'm like really sinning, then I then at you know, you kind of just dive in the water and you go all off base and you're hanging out with the wrong people. And now you're drinking before you're 21, and all the things start to snowball. I feel like if I was allowed to ask questions, if it was made normal to be like, okay, so this is, you know, you're human, you're gonna make a mistake.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Exactly, right? Like it's the human experience, right? Like you're allowed to make the mistake. You know, it's like the what happens is I think for me, anyways, is like the church or the organized group, whatever that looks like for you, whether it's a temple or whatever it is, there you're not allowed to be human. You're not allowed to make a mistake. It's not, or it doesn't feel like that, anyways. And it's not maybe the members who are going there who also have a similar belief system as you, but it's it's actually like the fundamental of like the building almost or the place that you're that you're going, you know what I mean? Exactly. It's wild.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

And you know, the thing is, is every single person in that organization is quote unquote sinning or not living into that perfect mold. Right, exactly. But nobody can talk about it. Right. And then on top of that, then you have judgment. So it's like if word got out, you know, that somebody did something that was bigger than the thing that you were doing behind closed doors, then it became gossip and judgment and talking badly about the person, which again was completely against the organized religion that I would think of what you're supposed to be, the type of human you're supposed to be if you are God loving, right? So that became a big problem when I, you know, became pregnant young. And for me, at this point in my life, like a my stable foundation was the church. I mean, I did have these feelings up until that point about not being able to question things. Where were the women in the Bible, first of all? Like, I'm sorry, but thinking back with your imagination to the stone age, there's gonna be procreation and mating and sex. Like, it's not like we didn't figure that out until you know, A D. Like, you know, that was going on. Right. So, where's the story? Right, right. So, you know, there's a lot where my mind and my thoughts couldn't get past. And so when I got to a certain age, there was these like big judgments I had on myself, which was like, I'm never gonna have sex until I'm married. And then when I did, and then I got pregnant, it was like, oh my gosh, like, okay, well, if I'm this bad of a sinner, then I have to like leave the church. And of course, it didn't help that people essentially left me too. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And what that looked like for me. And I for the first time allowed myself to start questioning religion and organized religion and trying to, as you know, this 20-year-old girl, like put aside the thing, like I said, that I started learning and being programmed with since literally three years old, if not before that, in school. And okay, I'm at this place of loss. Where do I fit in? And in the beginning, it felt very black and white. It was like, okay, if I'm not able to be part of this organization anymore because now I'm pregnant, I'm not married, the dad and I are like non-existent, so there's not even hope for the church to think we'll ever get married, anything, then where do I fit? Right. And does that mean I'm walking away from God? Does that mean I'm walking away from the organization? Is there another church that will be okay with my decision to keep the baby and not like bully me or make fun of me or judge me? It's like, where is that? And this is when I began, and I want to say was the beginning of like my awakening because I started to seek out and understand different religions, different ways of life, what my actual beliefs were, who I was on a core level without other people like feeding me information. And that's truly I feel when my real relationship with God started. And thank goodness I didn't have to go too off the wagon to understand that my relationship with God never went anywhere. But I changed my place within the organization of organized religion. And that to me is the true purpose of spirituality and God and your relation to God and being God-like and really having that true faith. Because when you build that relationship with yourself and God in that way, then that faith is unwavering. It's not something that you're just believing because someone told you what you're supposed to be doing. Yeah. You know, at that point, you're trusting because you're essentially walking alone, you know, whether it's having a child young or any other reason for feeling like you have to walk alone and you're taking that leap of faith, and you're really the only thing you have is you and what's going on inside your mind, holy spirit, higher self, however, people want to dictate what happens when you're talking to yourself. And that's when that relationship is being built. And when you're building it on that type of personal level in a survival mode, it's much easier to lean on it, trust it, be faithful to it, find what's working for you versus and build it versus walking into a way that somebody already built it, right? And you know, you're really like creating it from the bottom up, which is in my mind the purpose.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And so for me, I think it's when I started feeling, you know, I found myself in a position where I felt like I had failed God in like every aspect, you know, because maybe my decisions weren't great and they definitely weren't aligned with my higher self. And so I felt like I had failed God, all the fundamental things that as a very young child I had been taught. Like, and then I also felt like, or I was in a position where I didn't have, you know, access to the brick and mortar church that you would go to, right? And so with that being said, I had to literally, because I was so desperate, go so deep within, along with, you know, just praying, like the prayers that I knew. And then that's when I was able to figure out like, no way, like there, I have a direct source, like I have a direct connection and like, wait a second, I'm able to make myself like feel better without actually having to like do the thing and go there and like feel like I need to get dressed up and like, you know, all the things that accompany a Sunday morning church service, right? Like all of those actions, which are amazing and they're great and not to take away from that, but at the same time, you know, I figured out that wow, so I don't have to do the whole to-do in order to get, you know, the spiritual relief or spiritual answers or whatever it is that I feel like I was seeking, which was absolutely amazing. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

So the comfort, right? You know, because God is not asking you to show up like that. God is just asking you to open your mouth and create that relationship. And honestly, my closest relationship with God starts in the shambles, like when everything's falling apart, you can't get to the church, but you can't dress up when you are too sad or depressed or hung over or whatever it is to put yourself together to get there. And when you choose to make that arrangement to lean on God, lean on source, lean on you know the universe without the outside factor, is when you're really building that relationship. Yes, yes, and it's a huge thing to talk about Jesus. When you think of the life of Jesus, the story of Jesus himself. He didn't go to church. Right. Yeah. Jesus. Hey guys, we got Bible study. Right. We're gonna meet at the altar here Sunday at 9 a.m. Like we're gonna all you know, sit here and hold hands and stuff. Absolutely not. Like, right, it's not like make sure you bleach that skirt, Judy. Like, like, not at all. Like he was not a Christian, there was no religion. Right. Jesus himself was more of like a shaman spiritual hippie than anything. Exactly. Absolutely, you know, and and it took me to realize, like, oh my gosh, like it literally says, Jesus literally says the kingdom of God is within you. Yes. It does not say the kingdom of God is at church on Sunday and we're only open from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. before everyone goes to brunch. Right. It does not. And you know, for whatever reason, I never got to see it like that until I got to a place of desperacy. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, like you were saying earlier, you fell so far away from what you thought was like the true source connection to God from decisions and whatever those may have been, it was the human experience. Yes. And someone took the actual words of Jesus and made them something they're not. And so when you go back in desperity or however that may look, and you actually seek the word and you see it for what it is, it opens your mind up to what the real story is. Yes. And then if you have enough cojones, you might go a little bit further and find out like why that happened. And more and more truth will open up, and you're gonna figure out that there is a female side to the Bible, and you're gonna figure out that you know, it it wasn't Jesus' word that's in the Bible. Is there words of Jesus in the Bible? Yes, sure, yeah, but it's a big long game, a telephone that is controlled by whoever the emperor or the king is at that time, yeah, who feels inadequate, unfortunately. And at one point, you know, took out a lot of of these books that would have made us make this all make more sense, where spirituality, nature, crystals, all these things do not mean you were evil. It was tools that God had already made right for you to get closer to to, you know, your creator, source, essence, higher self-connection. Yes. And and essentially you can date back when that changed. It changed with King James. I mean, even to this day, a lot of organizations will say like all their Bibles aren't even as good as the King James Bible. And King James himself was actually the one that started like the witch hunts and such, because anybody that had power outside of the church was essentially a liability. Yes, because it's a game of control. It's a game of control. Yep. And so everything I questioned as a little girl throughout every one of those Bible studies, all those classes, every Sunday, like, sure, the overall like message was positive and uplifting. Yes. However, my intuition was always like, really? Sure. Like, yeah, you know, like the just certain things, and we're just trying to understand. And you you can't talk about it. So you move along, like, okay, I feel good leaving church. It does feel good when you you go and and you everyone's trying to be better, like it as a whole collective with. Of course, yeah, like, yeah, the energy. Yeah, absolutely. But are we really understanding the truth that is here? And yes, I'm naturally a truth seeker, like bottom line, like I it's hard for me not to. I know it's been a struggle for my honestly, the majority of my life, because I can easily put people in a place where they don't want to be in their truth for things. And I'm like, but that's your truth, you know? And they're like, oh my God, like I'm not gonna come to you anymore because you make me face my truth. And it's like, oh shit. Like I do understand both sides, but I would rather live in truth because within my truth is when I have control. When I'm not living my truth, that's when I'm easy to make poor decisions because I get further away from my alignment. Yep. And therefore, I'm so strict within it. So if I'm gonna show up in my full truth and not be afraid to answer questions that people might have for me, and they're real. Like my story is not a pretty one. So, like, you know, and if I'm not gonna be afraid, then I'm gonna ask that of you, or I'm gonna ask that of the organization or the relationship or my parents or my siblings. In fact, I have one sibling that I have mentioned before, where I feel one of the reasons we have the biggest disconnect in our life today is because I challenge them to show up in their truth and they simply cannot. I don't know why. Maybe they went through some trauma and they had to paint this whole story for themselves, but they can't. And they're also the same person that is within the organized religion that feels holier than now, that feels they do everything right because they tithe and they do all these things. But outside of Sunday, they're not living in their truth. There's stories they bring up, their shares with employees within the office. And we'll, you know, we'll look and it's like, how are you gonna, why are you even lying? Like, why are you not living? Because your real story is great. Right. Because to me, the real story, whether it's the Bible or individually, the ups and the downs is what makes the story beautiful. Like, I don't want to know, get up, I do want to know successes by all means, but I want to know like how you got to the success. And you can't get to the top of that ladder without falling a thousand times. Absolutely, right? Yeah. But if you're gonna pretend that you got to the top of that ladder without falling, like we all know you're full of it. Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

And it's the same with the organized religion in the church. Like if you're gonna say that all of a sudden, you know, you follow these 10 commandments and you somehow followed them fully and you never made a mistake, you never slip and fell, you never, you know, talked badly about your neighbor and treated somebody that didn't want to be treated or whatever, like doubt it. There's there's no way, right? Yeah, there's no way I want to know how your relationship with God is so strong. And there were times that maybe you cheated on someone, maybe you lied to someone, maybe when you were nine, you stole money from someone, maybe you stole money from someone last week, but you recognized it, you took responsibility for it, you changed, and you never did it again. And because of your relationship with God, you're okay being real about it. Right. Like that's what I find beautiful in the truth within all these things. And there's nothing more important aside from love and family, it than your belief system. And honestly, your belief system might be in front of all that because you have to have that belief system in order to create that type of relationship with love and family. And if your belief system is that when you sin, you're an awful human being rather than the truth of the human experience and growing from that thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yes, then what are we doing? Because Earth is school. Right. And it's also like lowering you uh your confidence, right? Because you're like feeling like you're a failure, you're feeling like you're less than, and that's not the purpose of the connection to source, right? It's really supposed to be so you can find answers, lift yourself up, you know, it's not supposed to make you feel beaten down. Exactly. And I feel like that could happen within the judgment of you know, church.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

And with with that said, it's not because I don't want to take away from the parts of the church that did do something for absolutely, right? Because with any sort of like organized facility that's gonna help you be better, whether it's church for some, maybe a rehab, for some maybe I know there's like Jehovah's Witnesses and all different types of ways of life, right? Right, right. Whatever that group is, that you know, at the end of the day, it's to their preaching is like we're here because we're good people. Right, right. And want to be good people.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

And whatever that is, it's you have to be able to feel that authenticity of yourself within it. You can't show up when you feel like you didn't sin that week. So you don't have anything to feel bad about. You can't, you know, just follow along with the rules if they're not who you are. Right. So for me, one of my biggest things was, you know, when I was told that this is how I must behave, this is how I must perform in order to go to heaven. Then I got very far away from my true relationship with God and the people that really, whether it was God-loving people or church-related people, because I didn't know where my safe space was, because I did essentially start to feel like things were falling down on myself because my belief system was what I was taught in preschool. Right. You know, so at the point where essentially I'm having a baby, I'm not married, honestly, it was more of like a one-night stand than anything. It's not even like I could make it seem pretty by, oh, we've been together for five years. No, we weren't. And it's like, you know, it felt like everything was coming down around me. And I did not realize until it started coming down around me that I always have had control over my belief system because we function off of it. Our nervous system functions off of it on a conscience and subconscious level. We are functioning off of what we believe to be right and wrong. Yes. But you can update that at any time. Yes. Now, you know, it took me essentially all of my 20s to figure out what that was for me. Like what is my relationship with God? What do I feel is right and wrong? Am I gonna still feel bad about myself because of all these different things that I'm you know, essentially acquired throughout living this human experience? Or am I going to start to revisit what I believe is true?

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yes, yes. And redefining that belief system is so amazing. That's like the best advice that I think I've ever been given, which was by you. So thank you. Yes. So after I had my spiritual awakening a little over four years ago, I think you told me I was like, you know, hey, you know, we're we're buying crystals, doing all the things. And I'm like, so what do I do next? What do I do next? Because I know you're so far more advanced than. Me. So, like, what do I do? And the advice you gave me was I think you need to go in because I was struggling still, you know. I knew at this point that I had a direct connection to source, but I also was still very confused because those ways that you've been taught as a young child, they're hard to break. It's a hard pattern to break or it's a hard thing to shake, you know? And so, but I I do remember like going through that process and redefining the things that are important to me. Not the things that I have been taught should be important to me, but the things that were truly within my soul, like important to me, you know, and whatever that looked like. And I just remember that process being so freeing and just like the best feeling in the world. And honestly, I mean, you know, religion is amazing, but there's nothing like the spiritual freedom that you get from going within and finding that connection to something. That truth. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Yeah. Because at the end of the day, like for me, I know I had to like, and this might sound silly, but to put it in tangible form, the first time that I did this and redefined my belief system, I thought of like the most what I would think was like pure person. Right. I always like thought of my dad because he wasn't perfect. Like I knew he had his ups and downs. There was, you know, he cheated on my mom. That's why they aren't married anymore. Like I know he wasn't always perfect, but the man never stopped trying to be better. Right. And when he made a mistake, he wasn't afraid to admit it. I mean, even if it took a week or two, like he'd always come back around and then he would never do it again. So to me, that was my example of like what I thought was somebody's mentality or thought process that was okay. Right. So I kind of started thinking, like, okay, so if he did this, would I judge him for it? Right. And if it if it was a no, then it wasn't gonna be part of my belief system. Exactly. If I couldn't forgive him for, you know, whatever that example would be. Let's say I would just go down a list. I'd be like, okay, like if let's just say like I forgave him for cheating on my mom. So I feel like people can come back from that. Yes, you know, like I don't think that makes you doomed forever. In fact, I don't think it dooms a marriage forever. Now I luckily have never had to experience that on my own marriage, but I don't think that's the end all, you know. Right. Yeah. Although when you come from an organized religion, most of the time, like it's like it's an adultery, like it's over. Yeah. And if people do stay, it's because they have kids. It's not because they're like, oh, I for truly forgive him. Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

And then if you do stay, there's all the judgment that you get when you stay, right? Right. Which is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

So that was kind of how I started to paint that picture for myself was like, okay, like how would he have essentially behaved? And what were the limits that I would have judged him or forgave him? And then that started to paint a picture of like what was really real, like in a human experience. Because if I couldn't expect him to be perfect, but I still respected him, what type of behavior would that look like? Right. And also what type of behavior on the other side of that? So for example, if they made the mistake, do you just shove it under the rug or do you omit it, take responsibility for it, come back around, voice it and change? Yeah. Makes it all like the full-on cycle and picture of how I started developing my new belief system and essentially going back through, like, you know, what my core beliefs were and starting in preschool, being, you know, within like a Christian church, Baptist, Lutheran space. I started with the Ten Commandments. I printed them out. I'll never forget this. I sat within those commandments and was like, do I believe in one, two, three? You know, and if I didn't fully believe into one or I didn't understand it fully, I reworded it so I could fully commit. And then I put that aside. I'm like, cool, I believe in that. Then I take the next set of like rules or beliefs or steps or whatever, and ask myself again, do I believe in this, this, and this? And go through it with keeping in mind if, you know, this figure, this man, my dad or not, because he was not a saint. In fact, we didn't have much of a relationship till my late teenage years when he like we had a surfacey relationship. That's another story, but it wasn't until he got cancer where we got close, closer.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

So again, it's not because he was my dad or he was a saint or some perfect or like, oh, that's you look at him like that because he's your family. No, it's really because he was the only example I've ever had of a person who fucked up and admitted it, changed, and tried to always never do that again. Yes. And consistently did that. And once I was able to create this format for essentially creating my new belief system, it's been like such, like you said, freeing and smooth sailing from there.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Yeah, it's amazing. It is like the most freeing feeling. It really, really is.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

And you know, even for people who aren't and didn't grow up in an organized religion, this is within your genetics, you know, absolutely we carry so much from our ancestors, so much from our DNA and lines over into these lifetimes. I don't care if you've never been in a church, like you're gonna have some sort of like energy charge against the words God, Jesus Christ, religion, and different, you know, key words, whether you've been part of the church or not. Like it's within you. Yeah. And there's gonna be a time, and for some people, maybe it's not till you're sick and on your deathbed, but there's gonna be a time that you question these things. And I feel the purpose of what Jesus was always trying to show us for those, what was it, like eight or half 12 years? I'm not gonna be perfect with my facts here, but where none of his words were recorded because he was out of the wilderness, like finding himself, essentially. Right. Is what you're supposed to do in your 20s. Like, go find yourself, yeah, go turn out, tune out the world, go try things, figure out what works for you. Like, that is the way. Like, don't wait till you're, you know, 85, 95 years old and be like, oh, like I should probably believe in something, right? Because I'm gonna die soon. Like, no. Yeah, yeah. And what does that look like? And I'll tell you, like, one of my biggest things that may be here nor there, but is the lack of the feminine that is talked about within religion, organized religion. I mean, some of the biggest, most again, quote unquote, holiest people, when you talk about the female lines within the Bible that we know publicly, not necessarily the text behind closed doors. Like you can find the books of Mary Magdalene, you can find channeled versions of the Bible, which have more truth in them, in my opinion, than what's printed for the basic Bible in the nightstand drawer. But uh you don't know what you don't know. But some of the biggest holies people, they'll you they'll tell you, like they can rehearse that Bible front to back, and they never question one time like, did the disciples have wives? Yeah, right. They never question like why I'll never forget there's somewhere in the Bible, I'm not gonna be able to quote it perfectly because that's what makes me human, but it says that a woman, when she essentially is having her period, is of evil energy, and a man should not lie with her, should treat her a certain way. Oh, okay, right, like what? Right, like it the you're saying God Jesus wrote this, these are the words of God, and you're saying God created me to have this thing that allows us to bring new souls to earth in the most powerful way, right? Yeah, yeah. And I mean, like stop. Yeah, and that's kind of like when I had enough, and I had to go on my own search. And for some, that might look like um deep meditation. For some, that might look like getting a reading from somebody. You know, there's a lot of people out there who can channel truths without actual like research and understanding of like the lost books of Mary Magdalene. I mean, we know Mary Magdalene in the Bible is a prostitute. In hindsight, she was the closest woman to Jesus Christ. In fact, she was looked to to be the female version of Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

But all of a sudden, she's a prostitute because she was powerful. Right. Yeah. Like, and then also there's nothing worse than bad translation. Yes. So okay, we didn't speak the same language today as we spoke back then. We didn't speak the same language that the Bible was first written in as we do now. So when you actually go back and look at the definitions of these words in the Hebrew language and all these things, they mean something totally different than how it's actually translated. And then you start to understand like how it got off course, and then also like what the truth is. And even as something as simple as like the Virgin Mary, like we all know that it's not some miraculous Virgin Mary who got pregnant without ever having had sex. In fact, like when you actually go back and word clear or understand what those words mean, a Virgin Mary, Virgin in the way it was said in the Bible, was translated to in Hebrew as a woman who essentially did not need a man to be who she was to provide for herself. She was essentially a powerful woman, an independent, powerful woman, is what the back, you know, these words translated to that. Then we inherited as Virgin Mary some like miracle from God, like wove a wand and said you're pregnant with penis going in the vagina. Yeah. And again, we took that out of context because that would make a woman seem that was chosen to carry the son of God. Yes, as a powerful independent woman that didn't need to have like this plan in place with her significant other to carry the son of God would mean that we have the power within us. Right. Yeah, exactly. And you know, not to get too much into the specifics and confusion and such, but those are just examples for me of different times in my life where I was like, oh, that makes complete sense because you know, there's not many stories of females in the Bible. So growing up in the way that I did as a woman, you essentially like put yourself next to the stories that we do know. Yes, you know, and of the females. And, you know, there's the one story with the women who both claimed that a child was theirs and and how that all you know fell apart. And the woman who essentially gave up her child because her love was so strong because it truly was her child, that's how God knew it was, that was her child. You know, you compare yourself. The bottom line is you compare yourself to the stories of women in the Bible that there are right. And so to hear one as strong as Virgin Mary, you're like, you're confused. Like, why can't I be this powerful, you know? Yeah, like and uh, you know, to go further, and then I do, you know, back the way I grew up, like it wouldn't have been okay to go to Books a Million or wherever and get these other texts that definitely not truths about the Bible where I could be like, it says right here, you know, like this is potentially another option to this story. Right. Yeah. And so I I wasn't able to explore that for me until my 20s. And when I started to, there is uh another beautiful text by a man who claims to have essentially found the lost books of the Bible and channeled them out of the Akashic Records that I absolutely love. And he talks about Jesus Christ referring to the disciples as duos because the wife and the husband were as important together as the team, then it just be the disciple themselves, and that there was actually pictures of the wives present for all these important meetings like the Last Supper and such. And that feels true to me. You tune into that, you know, that intuition that we talked about in episode two, maybe. Yes, yeah. You tune into that and you feel does this feel more true? What feels more true to you? Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Yeah, I think also, you know, part of it is that, you know, so at least my experience within religion was that or church is that, you know, you can't ask questions, you suppress your intuition, you know, you have to kind of like push it. Yeah, you just believe, push it down, you know, and it just goes back to not being able to ask. Now, or maybe you had the ability, but the comfortability wasn't there to be able to ask questions, right? Yeah. So, you know, maybe you could, but if you did, was it a great environment for that? Were the reactions good? No, absolutely not. It's almost the exact opposite, which I think, you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

If we were allowed to ask questions, because it was always seemed like if you were seeking truth, that somehow you were betraying God. If you were seeking more answers, somehow you're betraying the Bible or the organization. And that's not true, if anything, it meant that you were identifying with it more, that you were wanting to grow closer.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

And it was always programmed that the opposite. And again, it stems back to what you said earlier about like that control element and yes and greed. Yes. And I feel like if if there is, I'm not saying there's not in my story, there's not, but there might be a church out there, organized religion out there, where, you know, maybe at young age they do allow you to ask these questions. And if the pastor, priest, or whomever doesn't know the answers, maybe they have, you know, groups on certain days where they figure it out together. Like that to me would be that's where I'd sign up. Sure. Like, yeah, absolutely.

unknown 36:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Like, let's figure this out together. Because these are real questions. Like, how can you you devote your whole life to this? Every belief, uh what you're teaching your children, your grandchildren, how your your belief system is set up, where you believe you're gonna go after this life. How do you hang your hat on all of that and never go, hmm? Like this doesn't make sense where the women are at. Right. Yeah. Like, really? Is that really what happened? Or like you know, sometime for the longest time before I I went further into just like learning more about different religions and other texts about God and the Bible and different things, I thought maybe it was because men aren't as like emotionally intuitive as women and they needed more of like a concrete tangible thing that told them what to do. And I was like, well, maybe then this was made specifically for men only or something. Like just trying to wrap my mind around it, right? Like, is that why we were left out? Because this was tailored to this type of genetic makeup so that they can have like playbook to write off of or something. And there's this other thing for us that happens like within our heart and within our mind and within our higher self. And I don't know, but like these are the questions that I had, but I can tell you that if it became okay, like from jump, like first, like preface before every service. That's like, I want you to know that in this church, it's okay to question things, it's okay to, you know, sin and come back from it. It's okay, like I know for me, I would have had a fully different experience.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Yeah, or it's okay to disagree with the pastor, right? Like I remember that being a big one, like what the pastor says. Like, if you, you know, for me, causing trouble as a kid, you know, it's like go to the pastor for, you know, assistance, right? Like my you know, my family with me getting me back, you know, under the reins, right? Of of making good decisions as a child, right? Which was good with good intention by my family, but it's like, you know, what the pastor says, that's it. And it's like like he's the disciplinary figure, like, yeah. Like, are you don't do that?

SPEAKER_00 38:23

I'm gonna tell Pastor Paul. Right, what? Yeah, right. Who's past is he even part of our family, right? I don't know. Yeah, that doesn't make this spiritual journey for me what I feel this earth school, this life is supposed to be. I think that the beauty of success and the beauty of achieving whatever that means for you, because success doesn't need to be million and billionaires, it could be the success of just having a place to live. Right, successfully. Everyone is all different, but absolutely. I feel like the whole purpose is to feel the opposite so that you can truly embody the full gratitude and appreciation of what it took to get to those places. Because I know for me that's what it took. And I know if it was just given to me that it would not feel the way it feels every morning when I look up at my life and look at what I created, that definitely and I'm grateful and I'm looking at these little kids I created, and like the guess and the chaos, I can't do it is easy. But you know, when I'm looking at them and I'm just like, man, like I know it wouldn't feel like that if I didn't actually know the opposite feeling of that. Absolutely, yeah. So to pretend that we can feel the success with God, with relationships with ourselves, even without feeling at some point the opposite, it is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

And um, you know, we can make this another topic for another day because as a mom, what I was gonna say is, you know, it's an oxymoron because we want to protect our children from all types of pain. But I know that because of the places I've been and the pain I felt is why I can feel the level of happiness, appreciation, gratitude I have today. And I want that for my kids, but I want that for my kids without them having to feel the pain. Yeah. But that's not how it works. Right. Right. And um, so I know that they're gonna have their own trials and tribulations, and we'll leave that topic for another podcast. But to my point to wrap it back around is in anything, whether it's relationships or marriage, like it's the ups and the downs that create the love at the end of it. Now, don't take that like to the T in the sense of if you are in a relationship with a lot of downs, it's somehow it's meant to be and this spring's charming, and we just have a lot of downs. But it means that you don't run at the first sight of trouble, right? You stick it out, and if both parties are trying to work towards something, whether that be God in you, you and your spouse, you and a friend, you and work, whatever, if they're both willing to show up and work towards something better each and every day, that is what creates that true trust, faith, and love. That is what Jesus talks about. It's not about all of a sudden you're holier than thou and you're never gonna make a mistake. I mean, that's the whole reason for confessional and like confessions and being able to essentially like tell on yourself. Right. You just shouldn't communicate about it, but you shouldn't have to feel like it's this whole like seance to just be like I sinned. Right, like made a mistake.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Yeah, like and I'm going to fix it also because the accountability within it, I think, is really important. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Like you shouldn't have to be disciplined by a priest to fix it. Yeah, it should be like I'm human, I made a mistake, I acknowledged it, I took responsibility for it, now I fix it. I don't need to be beaten for it. Right, exactly. And in some of these texts, I read again, I don't know how true it is. I'm reading the text, but I read that like Mary Magdalene actually says there is no such thing as sin. Like she actually talks about in different parts of her books that were written for the Bible that weren't ever revealed, that it's a way of life. Like a sin is only a sin if you believe it's a sin. Right. And if you don't believe that to be true to your heart, then there isn't like this thing as sinning. It's what's on your conscience.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

And that's why, like, you know, when I talk about rebuilding your belief system and you go back and you have to really tune into yourself to the own self, be true, and feel it out. Does it really feel bad to you? Right, you know, and there's gonna be different levels of what that looks like. It's not like, you know, even if something stupid comes up for me, but it's as simple as like not killing a wasp that was in here the other day. I'm like, I don't want to kill it if I don't have to. Now I don't think I'm going to hell because I did eventually have to kill it because it put me in a position where it's gonna harm me or one of my kids. But you know what I mean? There's different levels of right and wrong. Right. And you do your best to, you know, that's all that matters. It's like I can't emphasize enough how much your intention matters. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. If your intention is pure and you're just trying your best and you still have to kill the damn wasp, you took the life of the wasp. Sorry, right, yeah. You're gonna be okay. Something as little as that to something as huge as like robbing a bank or something or harming somebody, like a human being. Yeah, again, it's a different process. I feel like that we have come so far from what this true walk of Jesus was trying to show as a collective. And now it's almost trending to be like in church. I don't know if you've noticed that in collective, but like with the newer, younger generations, it's almost like showing your church photos is like trending. Yeah. And again, I'd rather that than like nothing. Right. Yeah. Because there was a time period like I feel I observed in like 2009, eight. Where it was almost like trending to not believe in anything.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

So it's something. Absolutely. Right. Yeah. But again, it's like, why does it have to be all these ways? But just what's point blank there. Like, observe the walk of Jesus for how you feel it to be. Observe what's happening for yourself. Understand what was going on there. Understand that organized religion was not a thing during that time. Seek the truth for yourself. Yes. Because like this whole we're just showing up because it's cool on TikTok is another thing.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

Well, it's not the point, right? And it's not, in my opinion, or for my experience, for me, it's not where I found trust within myself again. Yeah. Peace within myself again. Perfect example. You know, it's like some of the most amazing moments where I felt directly connected to source is for me meditating by water, whether that's that waterfall, moving water, the pool, the beach, doesn't matter, the ocean, the lake, whatever. For me, that's what I found. You know, some religions even talk about that water being like of God, like part of God. Absolutely, you know. And, you know, waterfalls actually literally have healing properties within them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

So it's like you can't deny that. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

But you know, wrap this all the way back around if there was places like church where we could go and ask these questions of truth where without judgment, would that be like where the game of life all comes to a halt because they're like, woo, they got it. Like that's where I would sign up and show up. I would show up in my PJs on Sunday and be like, hey, let's figure this story out. This one doesn't feel quite right. Crystals in hand. Crystals in hand. Maybe we meet, you know, out, like maybe the church is out on the side of a waterfall rather than in a building. That would make it more Christ-like, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Absolutely. I read this quote the other day that I like literally am obsessed with. And it was like, you go to listen to what God wrote or said, right? And then the other part of the quote was, I see it. I experience it. And for me, that is so true because it's like, again, it's just the most bringing feeling. Once you figure out that, like, you know, literally everything around us was created by God. Everything beautiful within this life was created. And to be able to experience it. To experience it and to live it and feel it.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Yes. Is the purpose rather than just hearing somebody else's take on it.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Right. And then feeling like, okay, so I have to fit into that, you know, that lane, whatever they said. And you know, I can't be anything outside of that. It's just not what it is.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

And then take it a step further and talk about kids. Like I know you don't quite have kids yet, but you can imagine. I know my husband and I struggle because we are very spiritual people and we're real with our kids about that. But kids like stories. Right. And so there's not yet, hopefully, there's like spiritual books rather than like just religious books to talk about God with kids. In fact, that would we need to get with someone on creating those books. Because I want to be able to, on holidays, be like, this is where Christmas came from, not the Hallmark version, not the generic one, not the Santa Claus one, not the manger one. Right. The one that was, you know, essentially started by women and you know, celebrating nature, which is where we get the Christmas trees from. Yes. And where it actually comes from, and helping teach them the understanding of like why it became what it is, and not to like shun that, but to be able to celebrate it and where it came from and how it came to what it is, and find our own path within it so that it becomes more what it's supposed to be. Yes. And we struggle, me and my husband struggle with that because kids want to see the books, they want to hear the stories, they want to partake in all the other things. And you want them to too. So how do you tell them, like, oh, this is the story, but we don't agree with this part or this part? Right. Like, yeah, it's hard because their little brains are trying to understand. Yes. And the best you can do is just be honest with them. And I do let's manifest now that some amazing person comes out with like a set of like spiritual kids books to explain like God is within you. Yeah. Explain like the true nature of Christ consciousness and the true nature of Christmas and Easter and what it means dating back to the equinox and the sun of the actual sun in the sky rather than the son of God. And yes, son of God is important, but how it actually became a thing around Christmas is more political for that time of the year. Because if we actually look about like where the North Star was when Mary and Joseph were trying to find the barn, it didn't happen in December because it's impossible for it to happen in December based on where they said the stars were at. So that was political, like as far as like what was easy for however it was ran at that time. Yeah, but the agenda, right? The point is we don't want to negate the things. Yeah. We just want all the truth to be there.

SPEAKER_01 49:33

Everything to be present. Yeah. So then you can make a decision and figure out what is right for you. Yeah, what makes sense for me.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

And that's, you know, that right now I have to say is a little struggle because we do get to the point where my husband and I are like, well, if we have to choose between sharing the biblical stuff with them or not, like we obviously want to share the biblical stuff in milk lane. Yeah. But we haven't quite, and for the listeners, just to know my kids are one and a half and five and a half and 15. So the 15-year-old gets it more than the younger ones. But right now, it's the first time we both had, you know, two younger ones that are starting to understand things. And we want to be able to guide them to essentially their connection with God. And how do we do that within keeping it in with what we believe in? Right. So that can be another podcast topic as well. But um, you can't just sit them down and be like, you have to have the belief system for yourself, and we're gonna start working on it now at five. Right. Like that's something that when they're teenagers, we can clearly discuss and go through. But I wish there was a bridge between now and then. Yeah. Now this is just a little bit of how Danny and I feel about how we were essentially in our stories directed off of our course and our connection with higher self around organized religion and beliefs that were programmed in us at an early age and how we deterred from the actual purpose of our life, thinking that it was because we weren't close with God, but in reality, God was always with us. Literally, absolutely, yeah. And as long as you look within for those answers and you're being true to yourself and you're not allowing outside influences to come in, you can't go wrong. Right. And you will receive the mercy and the grace and the understanding that you're seeking in other ways as well. And we're definitely not blowing up organized religion per se. Right. This is just how it affected our lives personally. And hopefully somebody out there is listening and will make me those set of children books because I could use them.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

Yeah, well, I think you know, it's just like you can seek truth without betraying faith. You can have faith all day, you can have faith all the time, a hundred percent of the time, and then not be betraying that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

Yeah, like truth is not rebelling, right? It's seeking a higher understanding because you actually feel the connection. Yeah, and it's really just tapping in and knowing that no, you don't have to go to church to be connected to God. Yeah, and I know my mom struggles with that because she's like, I haven't made it to church in so long and I feel bad. And I'm like, you don't have to feel bad, you just have to show up and have your own essential like spiritual calendar. Like, what does that look for like for you? Is it praying every night? Right. Are you showing up for yourself in these other ways that are connected with your relationship with God? Because the church is the furthest thing from Jesus' walk. Yeah, yeah, and though it feels good and you can still do that, that is not the full purpose. I feel like organized religion without asking these deeper questions keeps God inside of a box. Yes, and God is so much more.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

Well, you just don't get the full experience, right? You don't get the full for me, anyways, the full freeing experience, the full the authentic connection, yes, yes, the full receiving of all the love, right?

SPEAKER_00 53:07

It feels halfway, yeah, exactly. And we're I feel like you and I all we want is for people to be able to get to the place where we feel today. Absolutely, not feel like there's nowhere to go when it hits the fan, right? And you make a mistake, and when you and you fall on your face in this human experience because you're supposed to, right? That you're not shunned, you're not judged, that you can show up and that you can feel still loved and you can still be connected to God. And if anything, you're more connected in those times. Unfortunately, it does take pain for those times to get that true connection there to be like, yeah, I definitely would not have survived that without my relationship with God. And we just want that. I feel like we're very pure people and we want people to feel that. We don't want people to feel lost. We don't want people to feel like we're even judging you if you do go to church every Sunday. We're definitely not. We're just asking you to ask for the truth, ask for more. Ask yourself genuinely like if this feels right for you, or if you're just going with the motions because this is what you've known. And be your most real authentic self because that's what's going to lead you to that true feet, freedom, that true self-love, that true connection, that true Christ consciousness.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

Yeah. And also, you know, if you find yourself in a position where you're not able to go to the brick and mortar building that you call church or temple or whatever it is for you and your in your belief system or within your religion to know that you will literally be okay if you go within. Yeah. Because you literally are able to connect that way. And so if that could be somebody's saving grace, as it was for me at one point in time, it's literally the most amazing thing ever. That that's purpose.

SPEAKER_00 54:55

Yeah. Just to pave the way for those who might have to walk the walk you walked. Right. You know. Yeah. And I know that for me, it would have been nice to know this a little bit sooner in life. Yeah, definitely. And I just want that for others. And you know, because really at the end of the day, the relationship within comes before the brick and mortar.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

Yeah. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 55:20

Brick and mortar should be like the like celebration of already going within and knowing that the power is within you and that Christ is within you. Right, right. Yep. So if you enjoyed this, if you related to all of the topics that we have discussed during this podcast, we'd love to hear from you. Yeah. Have our Instagram page, i.m.authentic. We will also be releasing future episodes. So let us know what you related with. Let us know what you liked, and we'll continue to do more.

SPEAKER_01 55:50

Yes, yes, yes. And if you love this episode, please give us a like and share.

SPEAKER_00 55:55

Absolutely. Hopefully, part of this helped you in some form or fashion. That's all we hope is that we can help at least one person open your mind to becoming better. And that's all that we asked. So hopefully, we will be making more and more episodes that you guys can enjoy. And I guess for now, we'll see you next time. Yeah. Bye.