3 Doves Podcast
3 Doves Podcast
Ep 20 - Wrapped in the Cord, Held by Grace - Hannah Karius
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On this episode of the 3 Doves Podcast, Hannah Karius shares how growing up in church gave her knowledge about Jesus, but motherhood and crisis led her into a real relationship with Him. Hannah recounts two terrifying birth experiences — including a code blue delivery during COVID lockdowns in New York and a second pregnancy where her daughter’s umbilical cord was wrapped and tied around itself 25 times.
After seizures, NICU stays, devastating MRI reports, and overwhelming fear, Hannah and her family chose to hold onto faith instead of hopelessness. She shares the emotional journey of fighting for her daughter through therapy, second opinions, and constant prayer, while witnessing what she believes is God’s faithfulness every step of the way.
This episode is a powerful reminder that even in life’s darkest moments, hope is never out of reach. We can truly trust Jesus.
About the guest:
Hannah Karius - 35 years young
2 daughters - Ava - 6 & Eloise - 4
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First Response Water & Mold Removal, INC
Joshua Phelps is a lifelong resident of Lee County. After graduating from college, he spent a decad
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Welcome everybody to the Three Doves Podcast. I'm your host, Jason Pulowski. And on today's podcast, Hannah Karis shares about the two life-threatening pregnancies and impossible moments that led her from knowing about Jesus to truly trusting him. I'm sitting here right now through the amazing technology of cell phone with Hannah Carrius. And Hannah is up north in New York. Welcome to the Three Doves Podcast.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it is such an honor. I'm so I'm so thankful that the Lord had this opportunity for us.
SPEAKER_02Hannah, let's start where we always start in the beginning. Where did you grow up? And uh where was that state and where where were you born?
SPEAKER_01So I grew up in a quaint little town called Harmony, New Jersey with my parents, and my parents and my brother are still there. And that's about three hours from where I am, three and a half from where I am in Hector, New York. Sweet little, I'm right near Watkins Glen. Most people know that town for the waterfalls and and the racetrack.
SPEAKER_02And you've um grown up in that area most of your life. Tell me a little bit about your uh testimony when um the Lord started to tug on your heart uh and and asking you into a relationship with him.
SPEAKER_01So I grew up in a Presbyterian household, born and raised, and I how I explain it is I grew up loving Jesus but not knowing him. And I believed in him, I loved him, you know, like I knew he created me, but I wasn't, yeah, I didn't have a relationship with him, so to say. And like Presbyterians are like like this, you know, no, no shade if you're Presbyterian, but like they have this thing where you taught they they teach about all of the miracles that Jesus did, but like no mention at all of all the miracles that he does. You know, yeah, I guess when I became a mother is when I really just desired, you know, like I longed for a relationship with him. And I, you know, I wanted to to do better and be better for my kids, you know? Yeah, and so that's when when um yeah, that's really when my journey started, I guess. Uh which is not that long ago, you know, like my daughter is six, my oldest is six, and she was born two weeks into COVID, and that was like a really weird time, you know. Like I live in you know, New York, so it's it was like, is my husband gonna be able to be be with me when I deliver our baby? That was like a serious question, which was weird. But um, so in that season, I was I was you know praying and and trying to force like a home, like an at-home birth. And um, praise the Lord, like he had, you know, he had me protected even before I knew I needed it, you know. And so I he shut all those doors.
SPEAKER_02Tell me a little bit about what God was doing in your life at that time after you just got married.
SPEAKER_01Until I like I loved God, you know, but I was like jumping around trying to find a church, not really feeling like there was a home church for me, you know, like it was just like this weird season, you know, of like also in your 20s when you're like work, work, work, work, work. I gotta make you know what I mean, like make all the money before we have the babies so that way we can have the babies, you know what I mean? Like and um, and then when when we had children, it was like I was like, oh my gosh, all right, I how how do I how do I raise children to love God and know God if you know I you know I I say grace, you know what I mean? Like where's this disconnect, right? And so um also I think that when you become a parent, you just you really become hyper aware of who's in your circle, what you know, like what you want your children to be like. You know what I mean? Like I didn't really realize that that was gonna happen until I had the kids. And I'm like, oh, okay, these friends, I don't want my I don't want my kid to talk like that. You know what I mean? Like that was when I really started wanting that relationship with the Lord. And like he was sitting at the table the whole time, you know what I mean? Like waiting for me.
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SPEAKER_01Yeah, and then so my first baby, she, you know, like I it was two weeks into COVID. I live in upstate New York, so like New York City pretty much determines what happens to the rest of New York. Yeah, that's just the way it is, even though where I live is five hours from the city. And so it was like this weird season of, you know, like, okay, every time I went, I like I'll never forget, like going to the OB before, you know, before I delivered, like every week I would go, they would be like, okay, so we know you hired a doula, but she can't be there. We know you want a support person, but they can't be there. And like every single week. So I'm like, okay, is my husband actually gonna be able to be at the birth of our baby? I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02You know, like it was it was a it was a perilous time, it was a really interesting time in uh you know COVID season there. And New York was really locked down tight.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02It was one of the states that was very locked down. Um how was your hand how was your husband handling it all?
SPEAKER_01So my husband is is very even keeled. Like he was just, you know, like he just had his head down and he's just going and he's telling me things like he's more into the news and following it than I am. I like to live in my in my little nothing bubble, you know what I mean? Like I don't I don't really like to know about all of the um negative things that are going out out there. I know, I know it happens, but like yeah, I'd rather I'd just rather be naive to it than than absorb myself in it, you know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and were you were you I mean let's just let's just take a snapshot of that moment you're pregnant, right? And it's COVID, right? You're getting ready to deliver soon, correct? And what was the Lord, I mean, there had to be a lot of fear going around, and you know, we all heard all the fear, right? And how is how is that affecting you in your walk with Christ?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna make a way to have my husband there, have my mom there. Like I just have this, you know, picture of how delivery is gonna be.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I'm gonna force it, right? And so I tried, you know, like I I tried calling different midwives, and you know, it was like, oh, five thousand dollars. No, it doesn't matter that it's only we're only treating you and you're only our patient for two weeks, you know what I mean? Like that's just the cost. And it was, and they were like, Oh, and we don't even have time in our schedule, like this, I we can't take you on. And and so the Lord just kept on, you know, he was protecting me. I had no idea. And I'm you know, I'm trying to force, you know, like force the door open. Yeah. And he's just shutting, shutting them, shutting them. And so finally I was like, okay, Lord, like I, you know, I surrender. This is, you know, like, all right, I I give up. There's it's not happening the way that I think that, you know, like we when when we think we know better, ha ha. Right.
SPEAKER_02You know, yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, and so I I will never forget being in the hospital and just, you know, like praise God that Dustin was able to be there because he um so how it worked when we delivered was he was allowed in, um, but we had to wear masks. Yeah. And once he was in our or once we were in our um delivery room, we could not leave. So like there was no walking down the hall to get a drink. You know what I mean? Like it was like door shut, mask on, you know, like the nurses would be like, We don't care if you take your mask off when it's just you two, but like when we come in, you have to put your mask on.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so just odd, but yeah, um it had to add a lot of stress though.
SPEAKER_02Um, totally. Yeah, to to what you were saying earlier, you know, you you're the kind of make it happen person, right? Right. Take the take the bull's horns and ride, you know, let's go. And you know, you as you're describing, your husband's more laid back and like, hey, go with the flow, hon. And you're like, no, we're going, we're doing it, right? So, like, and and in that time though, um, there's a uniqueness that's happening. There's something God is doing in you, right? Through all this. Yeah. Yeah. And and it's still work, He's still doing it in you. Right. But tell me a little bit about the inner workings of God in that time in your heart.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna fast forward a touch to delivery because so, so delivery, her, um, you know, we had I was induced because my heart rate was starting to rise. So I was induced, her head came out, and then her shoulders got stuck. And they pushed the blue button, which, you know, it's like so she was a code blue, and in in 15 seconds, my hospital room went from, you know, my husband on one side of me, uh, a nurse on the other, and then my midwife to no joke, probably 10 nurses in my room. And my husband was talking, like my husband would relay whatever the midwife was saying. And so I don't even remember anyone else in the room. I just remember my husband saying, Okay, you have to get this baby out on this push. And so I pushed, she came out, they they took her from me instantly. And like again, it was, you know, like I had this envision of holding my baby with the cord, you know, like fast and cutting the cord, like this whole thing in my head that didn't come to fruition because it was God's protection. And I remember him um, you know, like he was like, it's okay, babe. You know, like she's she they had so they had to check her levels of her umbilical cord because um they didn't know how long she had no oxygen for because of her shoulders being stuck. And so I just remember, you know, like like surrendering and praying and crying in that moment, you know, just like, okay, Lord, like you are in control, you know, and then and then come to find out, like I had a friend who was working in the hospital, like in maintenance, and like they have, you know, they have a meeting that the next morning about all the code blue patients. And so like they were like, Oh, you know, like my friend had heard from her husband that my baby was a code blue baby, you know what I mean? Like, just whoa. And then uh just praying and and you know, just giving giving the whole scenario to God, like you know, the and the midwife coming in and saying, Okay, we checked the levels. I don't, you know, I'm not science, I'm not medical background, I don't know this terminology, but they checked the levels in her umbilical cord and it didn't show any sign of stress. And so that was all God.
SPEAKER_02That's great.
SPEAKER_01I mean, yeah. And then I remember about a month after delivering and being home, a friend sent me an article, and it was about a woman who was due right around the same day that I was due with my Ava. And so I was she sent me this video or this um article where she was due right around the same time as Ava, and she um she had a home birth and her shoulders were stuck and she lost her baby. And I remember sobbing uncontrollable because I had realized in that moment that like God's protection, right? You know what I mean? Like I I didn't, you know, like I was like, oh how you know, like why can't I deliver at home, you know, with my mom and my husband? And then like to to hear someone else's story that didn't turn out how they had hoped because they did have a home birth, you know, and they did change their plan last second at for a home birth, you know, and just like I so I just remember sobbing, thanking the Lord, like, thank you for your protection. Like I didn't realize I didn't realize how much he was protecting me in that season, you know what I mean? Yeah, until Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely. The Lord is always protecting his children, you know. The scriptures teaches us that the Lord will never leave us nor forsake us, you know. In fact, he it even goes into depth of of taking God and personifying him into a chicken in a sense, like a hen who covers her chicks underneath, right? And that's even a picture of God's protection in our lives, you know, and how he walks with us every day. And Hannah, when the doctors started talking about everything, there was some hope stealing going on, wasn't there?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, so okay, so so now I'm gonna fast forward uh a touch again. That that was my first baby. My second baby was born in December of 21. Yeah, and so I had I had COVID during my pregnancy. I definitely had had a flu. I know it affects everyone differently, but I definitely had the flu worse than this. Like I was like, wow, this is what like this is like a 12-hour cold that I'm experiencing. However, what it was doing to my pregnancy, I had no idea. Um but so my second baby Eloise, she was born with an umbilical cord that was tied around itself 25 times.
SPEAKER_02And she was 25 times, Hannah.
SPEAKER_01It was purple. Like it was like when uh she was in emergency C-section, like all the Lord. Like I was 38 and a half weeks pregnant, and I was like, Yeah, I was with my mom and a friend, and I was like, Yeah, I I didn't feel the baby move last night. Like she always woke me at three o'clock in the morning, kicking me. I didn't feel that last night. And they were like, Yeah, you we're gonna, you should call the the doctor. So I called the OB and they were like, Yeah, you're close enough, just go right to the hospital for quick stress tests. And I was like, All right, you know, thinking nothing of it, like I'm just gonna go there and then I'm gonna leave a half hour later.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01And they were like, No, um, you're having a baby, you know, like probably tomorrow, but you're having a baby. I was like, Oh, okay. So I called my husband. We had a year and a half little Ava at home, and so he was like, Okay, well, what do you want me to do? I was like, Well, I was induced with the first. Um, he's not he's not good at holding still. Um, like my husband's very laid back, but like in the hospital setting, he kind of just paces.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was like, I love you.
SPEAKER_02Like many of us, like, okay, Hannah, like many of us husbands do, yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, I love you, honey, but can you come tomorrow? And he was like, Okay, fine, but I need you to call a friend so that way the friend can call me if I need to be in, you know, soon or whatever. I was like, okay, fine. So I called a dear friend of mine and I was like, Hey, you wanna come have a girl's night in the hospital? And um, so she did. And we, yeah, it was it was fun. We just, you know, had girl talk for hours, and finally at like one o'clock in the morning, my baby's heart rate, she would it would be normal, it would be like 135. And then all of a sudden it would just drop to 110. And then it would come back up. And then and the third time it happened was like midnight, one o'clock. Um, the the doctor came in and she was like, Hannah, I need you to sign all this paperwork. We need we need to be ready to have an emergency C section if your baby's heart rate drops again. Like it's just, you know, it's yeah, we we're not playing around anymore. Like, let's just sign this. We're we'll be ready.
SPEAKER_02So, Hannah, what what was the emotion around all that for you? I mean, you you're being told all this stuff. What what was going on inside your heart with this?
SPEAKER_01I I I had that I had that piece that passes all understanding, you know what I mean? Like I had I was washed in that piece, and I was just like, okay, okay, call honey, you know, like call my husband.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He slept through the first phone call.
SPEAKER_02But you know, there's ladies listening here that might be listening and they're going, you know, I'm I'm pregnant, or you know, I've been given some news, you know, that doesn't sound so great. You know, you're walking in a level of peace because you're spending time with the Lord, right, Hannah? And how would you what advice would you give, you know, because we haven't gotten through the whole story yet, but what advice would you give to those ladies what would be something you could share?
SPEAKER_01Don't carry it. God doesn't want you to carry it. You know, he really wants you to surrender it and and give it to him. And he he has us protected, like we've talked throughout the whole podcast so far, you know, and just just believe in that and have faith in that and know that you're protected and you're taken care of. And you he doesn't want us to carry those burdens, he doesn't want us to carry that fear, you know, and it's sometimes it's easier said than said than done, but really, you know, like it's that simple, you know, like voice it, say it. It was wild. So I knew so so my friend calls my husband, he doesn't answer, and so then my heart rate dropped, or her heart rate dropped again. I like 10 minutes prior to, I was like, Hey, I hey Rigs, I'm gonna go to bed, uh, because I know I'm not gonna get to sleep tomorrow. So I'm gonna go to bed. It's you know, one o'clock in the morning, something like that. She goes, Okay, so she falls, you know, she's on the couch and she's looking at the the monitor of the baby, you know, and it goes from 135 to 120, wow, 110 to 100 to 80 to 50. And she stands up to go push a button. And in that same moment, my room is full of nurses yet again. Just everyone's, you know, they throw an outfit to her and they were like, put this on, put this on, call her husband, you know, like and and they start wheeling me into the OR and I'm just praying. I'm like, Lord, and I've never met this doctor until I was admitted to the hospital. Um, I'll never forget her either. Uh so I'm praying out loud and as I'm being wheeled, and she rubs my shoulder, she says, Honey, you're in the best hands. You're in his. And I was like, Amen. Yeah, it was just like a little god wink, I call them. And so I get wheeled into the OR. Meanwhile, I just signed all this paperwork that I'm like, yeah, okay, I could be paralyzed for life. You know what I mean? And so I'm like, Where can I hold someone's hand?
SPEAKER_02Um Okay, well, wait one second. You you could be paralyzed for life, Hannah?
SPEAKER_01Well, like, like with the you know, like doing a C section, that's essentially what you you you sign, like, okay, I yeah, you could be paralyzed. Wow.
SPEAKER_02And all along you're you're walking in a level of peace, and you're just going with the flow on this. You're getting Getting little winks from God saying, I got you. You're protected. Yet the baby monitor, the monitor for the baby is the heart rate is dropping. Um there's a lot of concern around you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02What are the doctors telling you now?
SPEAKER_01So um, so yeah, I so now I'm an emergency C-section, and I'm, you know, um, they have the epidural, and I'm and I'm and I'm looking for my friend or my husband, you know, like I'm like, hey, where like can I hold a hand? And that same doctor that wheeled me into the OR, she grabbed my hand and she just starts praying over her hands, over the baby, over me, over everything, every detail. You know, she's she's praying. And I'm, you know, I'm in an agreement with her. And I'm just I'm thanking him for this this angel that he sent me, you know, like thank you so much, Lord, for putting this exact person in as my doctor, you know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And they cut me open, they they they see this cord that's purple tied 25 times, remember. Right. And the neonatal doctor, who was another angel that the Lord sent, he he was like, When I saw that cord, I thought for sure we were going to have to resuscitate your baby, or your baby was gonna be a stillborn. And she was the third baby post-like, so this doctor um has been delivering babies for 20 years, and she's like, I hadn't seen anything like this until COVID. And she was the third baby with a cord born like this, she was the first one to make it, and the neonatal doctor, I am praying and believing him into the kingdom, and he he was like, Science, I can't I can't tell you how your baby's alive, like that doesn't make sense, and I was like, but God, that is, you know, like that was all God, so I could glorify him in that, you know, and yeah, and I so then we have like a normal, you know, like okay, she nurses, you know, like everything's good. I asked the nurses to take the baby to and I send, you know, it's like 10, 8, 10 hours later. I was like, honey, why don't you go home, check on Ava, our, you know, our one and a half year old, and then come back. And like, I'm thinking, we're you know, this is my second baby, we're gonna be able to leave by three o'clock. You know, like that's what I'm thinking. And so he goes home. I I asked the nurses, I was like, can you take the baby for an hour so I could just take a quick nap? And so I take a nap and I wake up and I'm like, okay, it's time to nurse my baby. Uh, so it paged, and they were like, Oh, she'll be about 10, you know, like just give her 10 more minutes. I'm like, what but my baby, you know, like what do you mean? And so like 15 minutes go by and I page again, and I'm just I'm like, What is happening? You know, and um the doctor comes in, the neonatal doctor, so Ellie's uh Eloise's doctor, she uh he comes in and he is like, Well, she is not regulating her temperature as we would like, and so she needs to go to Krause, and I don't know what Krauss is. I like I'm thinking it's like a hallway, you know, like I don't Krause turns out is um is a very high astounded NICU hospital in Syracuse, which is about an hour and a half, wow, maybe an hour away from where I was.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you know, like I'm like, what what can I hold my baby? And they were like, you can go see her. And so they put me in this wheelchair and they wheel me to the NICU. And the NICU where where she was born, like I there were no other babies in this NICU, like it was just her. So she's laying on her back and her legs are out, like she's not laying like a normal, like child's pose baby, you know, like all curled up. She's like they they called it low tone. And so her legs are laying out, and she's connected to all of these monitors already. And I'm just rubbing her hand and I'm just praying. And I and as her um, as I'm you know, standing there praying, her her legs starts twitching, and then the nurses start whispering, and again, I don't know what's happening, you know. Right. So I'm like, what what's happening? Why, you know, they were like, she's you know, not to not to worry you, but she's having a seizure. We we will manage it with medications. Wow, yeah. And so it was like, you know, it felt like everything went from okay, you know, like beautiful delivery, the Lord put everything in in my path, you know, like all of these angels were sent to me to like chaos, you know what I mean? Like that's what it felt like. It was like, yeah, so uh now I'm real scared because I have no idea, you know, like what's going on. So she gets transferred to Kraus, and it was incredible, you know, like she gets an ambulance with a you know, like a an ER doctor, uh, you know, like paramedic. Like she's got five people to take care of this little six-pound baby. Um, so she gets transferred to Krause, and I'm just praying, and I'm like, okay, Lord, like what? Right. You know what I mean? Like you, you, you brought this baby in. And again, I I will say that like I didn't know what a miracle in that moment that she was. Like, I didn't know when I delivered her that her cord was tied 25 times.
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SPEAKER_01I didn't know any of that stuff. You know what I mean? Like they didn't, like the doctors told me, Yeah, you know, yeah. After after we're out of the weeds, they told me all of this.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And um, so she gets transferred to Krauss, and this is like really where yeah, where Satan came in and like was trying to throw darts, right? Like, I am I am protected, but it was it was scary. You know when she was when she was two, so now she's in at Kraus. When she was two days old, she had an MRI of her brain because of her seizures.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And she um the the NICU doctor, so where she was had 60 to 70 other babies, like it was a huge NICU. Yeah, and so this doctor this was again, you know, like it just kind of keeps coming back to the Lord, like putting these messengers in my path to give me hope, right? And so this NICU doctor comes in and she said, Hey Hannah, I just have to tell you that uh you're gonna speak with uh the neurologist, but the neurologist that you're speaking with sees, you know, the 70-year-old's brain that comes in after a stroke, and she sees, you know, the teenager that got in an ATV accident, and she sees the newborn. So she's she's comparing your baby's brain to all of the brains that she sees. And she's like, and I just have to tell you that newborns can they can grow their own neurons. Like when our pathways are fried, yeah, God made it so so newborns are so resilient, and so she yeah, so she's so she's offering Hannah, she's offering you hope now amongst the the fear and the hope stealing, right?
SPEAKER_02So she's coming in and telling you this is like God wired your baby's brain to be able to rewire itself, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so, and this is like like you know, he has this just such a beautiful plan because this was before I got really hope-stealing news, and so she's like coming and like warning me that, like, hey, this doctor sees so many different brains. I need you to understand that she's comparing apples to oranges. She's like, I know what the newborn brain does, and it's remarkable, and I know like that's all I look at is newborn brains. That's you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Like, yeah, and you know, and and Hannah, Hannah. You know, we need to stop and and say this too. You know, I know we we use the term uh hope stealer, right? But what we're saying is a lot of times in the medical profession, I grew up around the medical profession. My mom was a nurse. Um, and so, you know, they're just giving you the facts that they understand from the case, right? And they're comparing your case to something that may not have any backing or they do have some backing, or they're just trying to give you something that they feel is informational, right? And in the process, they're not trying to steal, but it comes out as my goodness, this doesn't look good, right? This looks really, really bad. And they're just wanting you to have it, and I'm not sure why that is. And probably someone listening could be like, well, you know, that's just the protocol. We want to make sure everybody's informed, you know, and I get it, but sometimes you're like, man, sugarcoated a little bit, right? You know, I right? And so you're in a situation now where, you know, it's not really the ultimate attack yet, you know, that you're calling it as as you say, the devil's starting to, you know, um try to, you know, attack you in those areas of your your heart. But you know, you're saying that it's gonna get even worse here with that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But you have a little bit of hope in that. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so, like, he gave me that little bit of hope. Yeah, so kindly, like 10 minutes before this neurologist came in. And the neurologist brought me to her office, and we looked at this screen of my baby's brain, and she was like, based on her MRI, look at all of this white matter. And white matter is not good, apparently. Um, and so she's like, Look at all of that. Like, that's all where your the lack of oxygen that your baby had, that's what it affected. So, based on this picture of her brain, she's 60% likely to have cerebral palsy, she's 60% likely her eyes not to work, and she's 60% likely her legs not to work.
SPEAKER_02Wow, wow, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Wow, postpartum and hearing that two days after what I mean.
SPEAKER_02Like, like where were where were you at in the moment after that? Like, what what set in there?
SPEAKER_01So I for you uh well again, I'm so thankful. Like the Lord had me so protected. Um me, okay, so me and my husband are polar opposite people. Like, you hand me a glass of water and it has an inch in it, like I'm like, oh man, it's yeah, it's 10% full. Like, this is great. Yeah, 10% full. Yeah, and my husband's like, yeah, and it's 90% empty. Like, are we looking at the same cup? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04Like, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so I'm so grateful because because he's that way, and I know that about him, and uh you know, like I'm not faulting him there, like we're just two different beings. He the Lord like put him with my taking care of my daughter, my year and a half year old, and and he the Lord had my mom with me in that moment in that conversation. And I'm so grateful because my mom says, Do you believe in miracles? Like, this is her response to the doctor, and she was like, Well, I guess I've I've seen a few things where science can't really explain. Um, and my mom was like, Well, this is the next one.
SPEAKER_02And so Wow, yeah, yeah. She had she was speaking it in, you know, that's you know, she was already there, she was already speaking into it, you know, and that's that's powerful, Hannah.
SPEAKER_01It's powerful, amen. And I'm I'm like I said, he had like all of these details that like I wouldn't I couldn't even fathom thinking and organizing all of the tiny god winks that he did throughout the whole story, you know what I mean? Yeah, like just wow, how is he that he does he does that for each and every one of us, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Yes, he does.
SPEAKER_01And so I remember, um, so now we're we're getting in the car and we're we have an hour and a half drive back to home. This is also right around Christmas. So I was fortunate enough to live at the Ronald McDonald house for a little while. Oh, but they were yeah, that was another godwink, you know, but yeah, they were closed because of of Christmas. So I I was like, I just need to be home with my family. Like I can't, I I couldn't even hold Ellie at this point, you know, like if she was hooked to so many monitors, and they were trying to to figure out her medications for her phenobarbidol, which is you know, like an anti-seizure medication. And yeah, it was just just the season, right? And so we're on our way home, and my mom's driving, and I'm just Satan had me. Like he had me in his grips, like he's like, Oh, yes, like she is believing all of these lies.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And he is so excited, right? Yeah, and I'm I'm having a pity party, I'm crying hysterical, I'm believing these lies, and I called so um Dr. Satish is the neonatal doctor, and I called him and I was like, I this is the news that I just got. And he was like, Please call me with any questions. I'm like, I don't know any of this information, and he delivers me a message of hope. And he's like, Hannah, I need to tell you that when a baby has their mom for the first eight to 10 hours of birth, it is drastically different what happens to their body and to their brain and to everything in there that's going on. He was like, I truly believe that like that she's going to pull through and she's going to she's gonna be great. And I'm like, okay. So so thank you, Lord, for giving me another.
SPEAKER_02That's a big wink. That's a big wink, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, thank you, Jesus, for this message, you know. And all right, so now, like, now I'm just like, all right, devil, you are silenced, Satan. You have no power over my baby, and I am going to make sure that life is only spoken over this baby. So I shared with you how my husband is, you know, the 90% empty type of person. So I didn't tell him any of this because I knew, like, and I tell my husband everything, right? But I knew that in order to cling to that hope, I didn't, I didn't and couldn't emotionally carry the lack of hope. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and clarify because you know, your husband, as you said before, your husband wasn't in any way or would intentionally try to steal any of that hope from you. But this is a season where God was calling you to go be still, my daughter, and watch me work. And he's doing a work inside your heart, too, as we discuss. He's he's pulling out the lies, you know. And Hannah, I find it so interesting in your story, and I'm sorry to interject here, but I find it so interesting because in many of the podcasts, God is always exposing the lies that we believe by using the things of the devil. Now, the tricks of the devil to to to capitalize, okay, I got her in there, I got what's already there, and now I'm bringing it to the surface, and I got her. And God goes, No, that's exactly where I want those to be. So now Hannah and I can work in those things and work on those things. How was God how was God working on your heart in that? Now, now I'm asking you to really dial in here, okay? How is he working on your heart in that place?
SPEAKER_01I so after this conversation with um with that doctor, I remember so vividly asking for asking for his peace to wash over me. And I remember, like, I remember where I was in the car, you know what I mean? Like the exact mile marker, you know what I mean? Like just being like able to breathe. Like I went from like carrying all of this fear and doubt and and trouble to oh, thank you, Jesus. I know I'm taken care of. I know my baby's gonna need perfect. And I just like I, if you are listening to this and you have not been washed in that peace, like pray for it, ask for it, because it is the most beautiful feeling. Like I it's it's hard to put into words what it does, you know what I mean? Like, until you experience that that breath of fresh air, you know what I mean? Like, okay, Lord, the Lord's got me, like He's got me, He's got like, and I so I do. I remember exactly where I was, and I I drive by it very often, and I thank him. Every time I do, I'm like, oh, thank you, Jesus, wow for all that you did.
SPEAKER_02It's all you know, like yeah, yeah. What's interesting to me though, uh, out of your story so far, you know, you know, we haven't even gotten to the end of it, but is that you recognized that those were lies, right, Hannah? You recognized it, and you you recognize because it didn't it didn't speak truth because you're in the word, you're spending time with Jesus, right? You you've been walking with the Lord, um, and you recognize that that's not your identity. You know, those lies are saying what Satan was trying to do to you, and God's like, yeah, now I'm gonna show you, and we're gonna expose them, we're gonna bring them up, and now we're gonna deal with them, and now I'm gonna give you a level of peace that you never can imagine. And you know, knowing the way, the truth, and the life, right? Knowing who he is, he's after our hearts to expose those things so that we can hear from the truth, which is Jesus, and get truth in that place of lie. And whether that comes by realization or dealing with whatever emotions on our plate, it's a beautiful miracle besides what's coming for your daughter, that miracle, right?
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Let's get into that.
SPEAKER_01And and so, as so, you know, she's in the NICU. Uh, I think she was in there 18 days, 17 or 18.
SPEAKER_04And it's a long time.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, and it was a a bit of a roller coaster. And as I mentioned, you know, like we were on um she she had to take phenobarbadol, which is um a controlled substance during COVID, really hard to get. Like apparently, um, yeah, there were apparently there were people that that abuse that. So like when her medical Medication ran out, I had to get that medication that day because controlled substances you can't have extra of. So it's like this weird, um, yeah, I don't know. Just but the Lord had us so protected because she was supposed to. I was so this neurologist was spoke all of those ill lies over her, right? And I was just clinging to hope. And I I remember being in that that roller coaster of the NICU and just they the doctors probably thought I was crazy because they would come in and they would be like, okay, this level is this level is bad, you know, like it needs to it needs to rise um significantly. This level needs to rise significantly. This one needs to come, you know, like whatever this whole list of all of these negative things, and they would be like, and this one level went up 0.01. And I would be like, Yes, praise Jesus, hallelujah! Yes, and they're like, What is with this chick? You know what I mean? Like, what is happening? Like, does she know that we just gave her really bad news? And so, like, I would, you know, I would update people of like kind of a form of of therapy too, because so many people were bombarding me with what's happening? What's you know, like what's going on with Ellie? Like, how's she doing? And so I would just make Instagram posts and Facebook posts, and and I would be like, here's, you know, look at this. Look at like I was just praising Jesus for every tiny little god wink. And I would give the devil like not any rain, you know. Like, I was like, all right, let's not focus on the negative, you know what I mean? Like, but I would put in there, like, hey, if you guys want to pray, here's what we pray for. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, but let's not focus on what we have to pray for, like, let's praise Jesus for all that he's doing right now, yeah. And and I just yeah, it was just a such a I don't know, like looking back, like I'm I'm so grateful that the Lord brought me through that season because it radically changed the future of my family.
SPEAKER_02And a what radically what verse did you cling to?
SPEAKER_01Oh, Mark V.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Uh Mark five thirty-four. And he said, then he said to her, daughter, your faith has made you well. Like it's I just clung to that. And yeah, and that was also uh, you know, the Lord's into numbers, so am I, right? Yeah, and so she was born. L Louise was born on 1221, 21, so 12, and so that woman was bleeding for 12 years, you know. So I yeah, I did. I just I clung to that and believed, and I was like, oh, thank you, Jesus. You know, like I am I am fully believing in faith that she is perfectly well and healthy, and I I I wouldn't entertain anyone that said it otherwise because I was just like, life and death is in your tongue, right? Yeah, like yeah, yeah, I that's another um lesson that I learned in that season was just how powerful our words and other people's words are, you know, like just accepting it or rebuking it and and not giving it any power, you know.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, I yeah, I think James, the book of James has a lot to say about that, and a lot that you know he's been working on me about and all of us, you know, in the way that you know we choose to use words, you know. In fact, it even says so far that even every idle word that we spoke, we spoke and that we've spoken, I should say, will be judged. You know, right. Why not speak life? You know, Toby Mack has uh a song out from back in the day, you know, remember it, speak life, speak life. And you know, in the midst of all this, you're speaking life. Let's fast forward to the end here where God's getting ready to reveal something really special to you. What's happening with your daughter?
SPEAKER_01Um, so praise the Lord. Like he it makes me so happy because he so I do believe that like we you know, we can pray and ask for a miracle, but also like he, you know, he tells his disciples, cast your net on the right side of the boat, you know, like he could have like put the fish in the boat, right? But he called them to work too, right? And so the Lord put in in my path a friend who who uh was a preschool teacher, and she was like, You need to, you need to sign up and and get involved in early intervention. So when Eloise was four weeks old, fresh out of the NICU, we started, she started physical therapy. And I was like, all right, Lord, like I'm gonna do whatever you call me to do, and I'm going to like I want to glorify everyone I like I want to glorify you to every single person that I can. You know, I want like I Ellie's story, like I shot off the rooftops because of how yeah, how how good he is and how much he changed my life with that with this, you know, trouble and with yeah, just being in that in that state of fear and in that season, but but slipping me out of it so quickly. And I was just like, all right, Lord, what how how can how can I glorify you in this? So so we started physical therapy at four weeks. We started OT at about a year old and and speech shortly thereafter, and I'll never forget, she was about a year and a half old and she still wasn't walking. And I went to that neurologist and she said to me, She said, Hannah, she's she's doing great. Oh, this is another little godwink. So she was on phenobarbidol for eight months. They told me that she was gonna be on phenobarbidol for two to three years, and I was like, All right, Lord, like I didn't like I don't I'm thankful for medicine, but I also I'm not one to take it. So Lord, if you can you can remove this quicker rather than later, I would love that. And so um Dr. Satish, the neonatal doctor, he said he was like, Hannah, ask for this blood work to be drawn, and and then tell me the level. And so I, you know, also they're funny, they're like, Who is this chick that thinks that she knows what she's talking about? I have no idea what I'm talking about, but like I'm just reiterating what the doctor is telling me. Yeah, and so he's like, That level isn't in therapeutic range, so you're gonna ask to come off of that, and I was like, Okay. So I go into the doctor, and and um, I, you know, I'm I say this isn't in therapeutic range. I want to come off of this medicine. So they have like this whole meeting about Ellie, and they're like, okay, fine, you can come off this medicine in the next month. We'll we'll slowly wean down. So praise the Lord, that's what we do. And yeah, I just I'm just in awe of those details and of those things. And so in this, so now Ellie is four and a half, and she is walking, talking, she knows she knows the fruits of the spirit, she knows the ten commandments. Like, I'm like, yeah, that's my girl. That is my girl. And and so in that when when she was a year and a half, and I took her into the um to the doctor who who spoke ill over her, she she said to me, she was like, Hannah, she's like, she's she's not having a seizure now, she's seizure free. However, tomorrow she could have one. And I was like, How do I get released from your care? Like, how do I I don't want you to speak over my child ever again? And you know, like I said it nicely, but I was like, how, how, and and she said, Okay, well, we go, you know, we get an MRI of her brain. Um, she'll need to go under general anesthesia, yada yada. And that was, you know, she was like, It's a risk, it's scary, you know, like again, filling me with a bunch of fear. And so I talked to Dr. Satish and and said, What should I do? And he said, You should go get a second opinion. And I was like, Duh, why didn't I think of that? Like, you know, like just okay. Um, and so we went down to Chop, the Philadelphia children's hospital of Philadelphia, and they looked at her and they didn't eat uh EEG of her brain to see her brain waves, and they were like, Yeah, there's no seizure activity at all. And and the doctor was like, based on based on the baby that I see right now, I am not worried in the slightest. Like, I she was like, I want to see you when when she turns two, because two is like a major milestone. But I think at the age of two, your baby will be walking, and I I don't think that you'll ever need to come back here. And I was like, that's not thanking Jesus.
SPEAKER_02And that's the miracle. That's the miracle.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Hannah, amazing, amazing story. Amazing story of two children. One you went through and you were like, what's gonna happen? And you go, nothing, because God's in control. The second one you go through and you go, it's okay. God's gonna see us through, He's protecting us.
SPEAKER_01I love sharing how good he is and how faithful. And yeah, I I mean, I'm sure Jason can drop my socials, but if you are a mom that that needs to be prayed with and needs needs some hope, please reach out. I am so I'd be so honored to pray with you because he he is so so good, and he will carry you through whatever you're going through and he'll protect you. Ask ask for that peace, ask for that breath of fresh air that I like to call it.
SPEAKER_02You know, like Hannah, thank you so much for being on the Three Dubs podcast today. And thanks for sharing your story.
SPEAKER_01Amen. Thank you. It was an honor and it was fun sharing my testimony. I love giving God all the glory.
SPEAKER_02Today's podcast with Hannah reminds us that faith is often built on the moments we never would have chosen. Through emergency rooms, seizures, fear, and unanswered questions, Hannah learned to hold on to God when everything else felt uncertain. Her story is a reminder that even in the middle of crisis, God is still present, he's still working, and he's still writing stories of hope. And if you're searching for hope today, rest assured, Jesus is there waiting for you. All you have to do is call on him, ask him into your heart, ask him to forgive you of your sins, and believe that he rose from the grave. That's salvation. It's all about your relationship of your heart to him. And as always, thank you for listening to the Three Does Podcast. Share it with your friends, share it with the world. God bless.