Stop Waiting for Friends Who Match You Perfectly

Community doesn't have to look like you imagined it. In this back-porch conversation, Savannah sits down with her friends Maddie and Casey. Three women in completely different seasons of life hear to talk about what real friendship actually requires. They unpack why multi-generational community is worth pursuing, how comparison quietly steals your joy, why proximity matters more than we give it credit for, and what it looks like to show up for people even when it costs you something. If you've ever said "I just don't have my people," this one's for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's going on, everybody? Thank you so much for tuning in today to cultivated. I feel so weird not saying the Growing Green podcast, but I'm still getting used to that. We're starting. Yeah, we're in. We're in it.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Actually, starting.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

No, we are in it. Yeah, this is uh this is your host today, Savannah Jennings. So not a co-host. I'm introduced every single time as a co-host, but take it to be the real host because I'm here with my friends, Maddie and Casey. Hi. Hi. Hello. A girls' day today. Um we are sitting on the back porch having some coffee, enjoying a nice spring morning. It is like literally a picture perfect day today. Have we officially turned the corner for what?

SPEAKER_02 0:41

From cold.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I think so. I don't think that it's gonna drop again. You know, last week we always talk about how in Alabama, you know, you never know if you're getting weather wise. And last week on Easter it was like 60. It turned into a beautiful day. It was cold at first. It was cold and rainy, and now it's like we are pretty consistent 70s and sunny, I feel like. So maybe 80.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

This is when you have to start transitioning your winter wardrobe over to summer, which is so humbling.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

No, this is where I leave to go to work in a sweater and a jacket. And like I walked out yesterday, headed to the track meet for one of my sons, and when I walk out the door, I'm thinking, oh, I better put my coat on.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

I'll walk out the door, and it's 80 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

No, actually sweating. It's so hard to dress for that. So that's the official season that we're in. It'll last what, two weeks, and then it'll be 85 every single day. It's a very short season, but that's where we're at. So it is pleasant enough to where we can drink coffee but also be outside. So whatever you want to call that, that's what we're in. Yes. Yeah, we're just hanging out today, chatting, talking all things friendship, community, our generation, what that looks like. And honestly, I don't Casey, you've been on you were on Growing Green like what? It was like a year ago almost at this point, because we were at the beach. It was at the beach. A couples edition. A couples edition, and now we have Maddie here with us. And so this is gonna be fun because we are all three in different seasons of life, but we do community together. And I think that is so sweet that we get to share that even in the midst of different seasons because it's just proof that like you don't have to be in the exact same stage of life with somebody to do community well with them. So I don't know, you want to give us a little like who are you, where you're at, and what's going on? Have you ever got to be on the podcast now? I think you have.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

No, I've probably been a topic many a times referred to, referenced, I've probably been story a topic many times. Yes, but an actual guest, no. This is not my first podcast, though. I've been on podcasts.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Okay, so she you um you know your way around a little bit. She definitely does. She definitely knows how to do it. We know you know your way around a mic. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Yes, I do. So well to intro me and myself and I, um, I'm Maddie. I am twenty-three. You remember? Twenty-three. And um I work in dentistry.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Don't you always wonder what you when somebody says tell us about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Like what am I supposed to say? Is what you believe on.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I can tell you that I sing. Uh, singer. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

She doesn't just sing, she sings beautifully, very well. That's very talented.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

That's um the main way that I serve. Um, that's been uh a building block in my life since I was literally nine months old. So that's like the crux of who I am, I feel like. And then I don't know, a fun thing about me, I love when people say what they get at a gas station in an intro. If they're like gas station or on a road trip and pull over, yeah, I'm gonna get combos. I love the baked cheddar combos. Okay, cracker what kind, yeah, specifically the baked cheddar. Okay, and I uh I'll take a diet Dr. Pepper or actually Dr. Pepper Zero, that's my go-to.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Okay, so you're a Diet Dr. Pepper over Diet Coke.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Yes, I go through the phases with Diet Coke. Okay. Um yeah, I'm in a phase of loving it. But I'm a Dr. Pepper girl to my core.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

I do feel that though. Sometimes I feel like the Diet Dr. Pepper gives me a little different flavor. I love this.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

I used to be a Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper person.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And now you're a Sprite. Now she's a Sprite Zero. Yes. So she dies. The other day, she like it was like alcohol. She goes, I don't want this brown liquid.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Give me some, give me that clear. Give me that clear stuff. Give me that good, give me that good stuff. I said, You think it's whiskey. Yes. It's just a little dye color.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

We don't even drink.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

No, we don't.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Um, but it was so funny.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

She goes, I don't want this brown liquid.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I said, give me the good stuff. Give me the clear stuff. It's good.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Okay, I have I could sit here and talk 10 minutes about the uh combos and the drinks and stuff. But one of my questions is too, do you get the can or the bottle? Or the fountain.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Or the fountain. I get the bottle, but if I have access to the fountain, I want the fountain.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends on where I'm at. Like the option.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I'm never grabbing the can, but it's because it's never grabbing the can.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

I need I need a higher volume.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Yeah, I don't know the next time I'll give a drink.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

If I'm at home, I want the can. The can is the the crispiest. Like yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Because the can gets the coldest. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yeah, yeah. And I want it to burn the back of my throat when I cling it.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

And I want I want it to go, I want to like have a little burp that burns my nose a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yeah. You want it to stain going down. So definitely the can if you have the option. But at a gas station, I'm going bottle because it gives me more. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 5:33

But I hey, I'm always going fountain if I can get that. And if I can stop at a QT, I'm getting a pretzel. I'm getting a soft pretzel. Nothing will still be back. I love a good soft pretzel. Nothing will hold me back from a good soft pretzel.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Yes. We love snacks over here for sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I'll transition us over to mom. This is also my mom.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

This we have not uh made that connection yet.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

So she's my bestie. We're we're besties now, but this is my mom.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Yes, and Maddie is a part of your life, is that you are single and you don't have kids, but you love on all of us that have kids very well because you love our kids and you are still a wonderful, wonderful friend to us. And um just because we'll which we'll chat about, I'm sure, at some point, but um, I think it's such a it's you it's different, but you are still just as involved in a part of this community, even though that is not the exact stage of life you're in yet.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah, and I'm able to definitely use that in a lot of ways. For sure. As as a I'll talk about it more, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I know it has my friend Casey who has adult children.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Mm-hmm. I'm Casey. If y'all don't remember who I am. Um, or maybe you didn't listen to the girl. Maybe you're new. Yeah, maybe you're new to cultivated because I followed right along from growing green over to cultivated. She's a real one. Yes, I'm a real fan. Um, I listen every week, and I was just telling them that I talk to them through the radio, and they don't listen to me.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Jeremiah doesn't ever listen.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

But I know them, so I feel like that they can hear me or something.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah, next time I see her somebody, I listen. And it humbles me hard when we have people that are like, yeah, I listen. And I always think about that when we're recording.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

What about the day that you pulled up in my driveway and I was listening? And you were I was that's always a little bit weird.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Finger noise. I'm like, I can't hear you.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

And there she is, but I'm listening to her on my radio. It's weird.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

You go, wait, Savannah. Let me pause. Let me pause you really quick. So talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yes, I'm I'm the I'm a nurse practitioner, family nurse practitioner, um, a couple of decades older than Maddie and Savannah. Well, actually, I don't know. You're not counting exactly how old Savannah is. I think y'all had y'all had this conversation a while back and y'all have to struggle to figure it out. I have to ask Frankie how old I am usually.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah. The more years that go by, the more I'm like, I don't know, it's fine. I know.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

When you don't track your age anymore, like anyway.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Yeah, like once you hit that those big milestone birthdays, like I feel like you care about 30. And I don't want to talk about that. So but it is 30, flirty, and thriving.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Yeah. So interesting thing that I had somebody tell me yesterday, uh, had somebody give me like some insight on because we were talking about well, actually it wasn't me talking about it, but somebody was talking about years flying as you get older. Yeah. Okay, so they were saying that there's some kind of psychology behind it that I honestly have not looked up, but that when you're very, very young and you have all this anticipation of things ahead of you that you don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah, that there's you're always like in this waiting and like heavy. When you're waiting, time drags. Yeah. But then when you get to a place where everything is expected, yes, going down anywhere on a trip takes longer than coming back because you've you'll think it took forever to get here. I feel like we got home in no time. And so oh, sadly, it's like when we get to this place in our life where our most of our anticipation, I guess, for things is behind you. Yeah. And your day is like just you're just like every day, right? Then that's when it starts flying by. So it was like, okay, do we need to start introducing more things that give us anticipation into our entire life?

SPEAKER_00 9:08

True, because I think there's part of it where you're always here to just like soak it in and enjoy what you've you know, like waited for, prayed for, or whatever. But that does seem to make it go by fast because you're just trying to hold on. You know, there's nothing that you're like looking towards or trying to move towards or work on. You're just like white-knuckled and just trying to soak everything in and not let it pass you by, which also makes it feel like it goes by faster. But then in turn, you're also not like seeking anything forward, which because we were just sitting here talking about Disney.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Yes, that we both are fixing to go because I'm not a runner.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

We are Savannah's a runner. I'm not really a runner though. Like, that's the thing. Is I like it.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Okay, well, I think you need to let Disney know if you're not, because they think you are right now.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

I know, and I am, I'm gonna be, but I'm not like a consistent runner. I'm just like, it's just not my love. Hey, let me tell you who can't fake it like you do.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Me and Maddie. That's the truth. We can't run.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

No lies were told.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

But thinking about you hear my gasps for Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Well, I am too. I'm side stitches. Side stitch. No, y'all should see the color of my face after I run. Like it's not normal.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

The thing is, you're alive. That's like we are making it. We're not making it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

No, I would have paramedics fell out. But think about like planning a Disney trip. How it feels like it takes forever to get there. So true. Then once you get there to the trip, flies by, you come home, and you have this big letdown of like it's over. It's over.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah. It's called the Disney Blues, by the way. Yeah, I know. It has a name.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

I know.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

And it is real. I don't feel it. I don't feel it about I'm gonna be honest with you. Any other vacation, I hit a point and I'm like, I need to go back. Yeah. I'm ready for reality. Like a beach trip or maybe even a mountain trip. Disney though.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

It's because you fully do step into this other world, which like you know, it's its own thing, but I do think it's because you truly escape reality.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

That's what I was thinking saying you escape escape reality. You do. But having something to look forward to. So which at this this trip, there's a like 3 a.m. is what time y'all have to do.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yes, it is so crazy early. Like I gotta be honest to be lined up. Oh me either. And I have to actually run it. So I don't I mean, it's going to be fun in the moment. But um it's yeah, I'm I'm uh I'm anticipating that.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Okay, so what made you sign up for this if you're not a runner?

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Um, you would be so real. I was like three months postpartum, I don't remember it. I just was like, this will be fun. Uh it's so far away. It's so far away that like, yeah, I'll be able to do that when it comes. It'll make me like push myself and whatever. And then as the time got closer and closer, I was like, that's a long way to run. Like that's a I've never run that far in my life. Why did I think that now? Because let me let me tell y'all. Oh, yeah, you're doing a 10K. A 10K. Which is 6.2. And I've never done that. The farthest I've run to this day, I've never next week. I never run that far. I need to do that. How much did you run with dad the other day? Like a little over four. Oh, that is close. Okay. I'm thinking close is like five. Maybe five and a half. Hey, maybe once you get to that point, I'm thinking that I'm gonna see that big ball up there. Do you think I'm gonna see Dexy and that ball at that guy? I'm just it's just gonna they're gonna have music playing, they're gonna have photographs. Frankie told me today, he said, they're gonna be photographers soon.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Oh my god, dog god, diggity dog.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Well, I said, I I'm I'm gonna be fine, it'll be fine. He said, There's gonna be photographers. And I was like, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. That I'll keep going for that. So she's running on the vibes.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

So the thing to me is they will sweep you up.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Oh yeah, I know, I know. I I'm not gonna get that people will speed walk them. They do. They do. If you get they get put in the first category so that it takes them the longest, and then what is the ma the what is the max for the 10k?

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Like pace? Like, yeah, how you have to finish it and how long? Oh gosh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

I I'll finish it in the in the time. If you don't know this, you know the time. Hey, y'all, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

I'm gonna look it up.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah, yeah. I'm telling y'all, people have their kids walking with them. I'm telling you, I'll make it at Disney? Yes. I thought they're so straight because they're trying to get the park open. They do, but that's why they start us at 3 45 in the morning. The park doesn't open until nine. So it will be fine. I'm going off the vibes. It is going to be fun. It is a way to challenge myself. I'm not even sure how we fully got on this. Well, in more context, my dad's also running.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yes, he's doing the 10-mile run, which is a different day. Hey, I could do this, but this is not a stroll. A 16-minute per mile ball.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

That's what I mean. Like you that's not a stroll. No, no, no. I didn't say that it was. But if I'm intermittently running and walking, it will level out to that.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Like, is anybody in your group an avid runner?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

I don't know. Uh so I've some context. Abby, my friend Abby and I are running this. We did this together because we did it together a few years ago, a 5K. And so we were like, let's level up, we'll do a 10K. She was trying to get me to do a half marathon. I said, Hey girl, hey girl, I'll meet you and do a 10K, but that's probably all you're getting out of me. And so we are doing that. And then another one of my friends, um, Alicia, is coming, and I don't know how much she runs. So the three of us are running it together, but I do not know like her um she does high rocks. Yeah. Oh, she's very fit. Oh, that's she's very fit. That thing is intense. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. She's very strong, but I don't know how often she like runs. I think I don't think she's gonna have a problem. So I it's all gonna be good and fine.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

So you're not in a group with anyone who is like running is my leg.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

I heard y'all don't have costumes, and I think that's no, I'm not doing a costume. Okay, well, I think we're out here right now and we need to plan that because you could do like y'all could wear the different I said they could be the different fairies.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

But just wear those. These little shorts I have on, they're like this green short as part of a set. And so Abby and I were just gonna like she got this set in a blue color, and I have it in a green color. Okay, and we're gonna swap tops so we just like like match, but we're like opposite.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

But couldn't y'all be like seven dwarves where you but then how do I do that? Because I'm gonna put your name on it.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

We could just we could literally put on the put on your top.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

Like you could even print it out the way that it's written.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

I'll look into this.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

I will look into this because that that there are gonna be pictures, and I think the whole thing about Disney is that making it really fun and unique to Disney. Well, the theming.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah. Winnie the Pooh is the theme of our race.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Wait, you ran one before, so you know that. Yeah, yeah. Did you dress up for that one?

SPEAKER_00 15:48

No, we just wore like really light cutie colors.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

And it was fun. And it was fun.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

But I wish that running things was on my to-do list, but it's not on my bucket list.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

It's about to come off of mine. I thought it was like a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

You think this is gonna check the box and you're done?

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I think so. I think that I love other areas of physical activity and this just isn't my thing. I love a good walk, I love to work out, uh just running isn't my thing. But and that's okay. That's what we're talking about. We can all love different things and still be very close and in community together.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

But it is fun to do things with your friends. So I guess yes. Um my husband, Frankie, he loves a run because he likes he's at the point now where he can breathe well enough that he likes to chat with people while he's running.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Yes, and I will say that makes all the difference when we went on our run. We were able to like talk the whole time. I was like, this didn't feel like anything. So you could talk? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Okay, well, I don't know why you don't identify as a runner.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Because I I I finished and I'm like, wow, that was really hard.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

I don't even want him to talk to me, even though I don't have to carry on a conversation on that.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

I was jogging and I decided to go with Savannah and our other friend Maitland, who is a freaking beast. No, no, no, she's a marathon runner. She's a marathon runner.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Yeah, so this is why this is on our conversation list this morning because we all just got back from We did.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yes, our friend is training for a marathon. She ran, we met her for her last few miles. Some people ran her last few miles with her, and then the three of us walked. Did like an intense walk. And we got to just have lots of fun conversation about community and being in different seasons and like what that looks like for our generation, and like that's kind of where we're we're going with this. Yeah. So there's your backstory on running and why we're why it's on the forefront of our mind this morning. Yes. So we are just like talking about how funny it is as like our Jeremiah's really he's making us breakfast over there, so we won't be too long-winded about this, but just talking about like some generational things. Because I think it is so unique and I think it is so special to have like to be I've said this before multi-generational in multi-generational community because like I look to you for so many things and wisdom, and I hope that some of us can be that for Maddie and for other things.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

But it's pass between a hundred percent. There's wisdom paths between not necessarily just seeking wisdom from someone in a generation above you, but also finding that community where they're open to receive wisdom from you as well is so rich.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Different perspectives are given and like it makes you think, you know, about thought processes and like why, you know, somebody might have a different insight on that.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Someone who has gone through a season that you're in and seeing like their perspective on how that went, and then them offering wisdom on you know, you stuck in that season or or them speaking into you know uh where you're at and what life looks like after you're in the chaos or yeah, whatever that is. But yeah, it's important to not just be with people stuck where you're stuck.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

Yes, because being able to give that like object like oh the wake. Hi, he's speaking of the chaos. Hi, yeah, you're like chaos. Hello. Oh goodness, now he's gonna want over here. But just thinking about how helpful it is sometimes to have somebody that's not right there in it with you to be like, well, have you have you taken that 10,000 foot view? Like, because here's what I'm seeing as well, somebody who's not directly involved or ex or you know, in this moment going through that. But I think what's so fun, like this is just such a lighthearted thing talking about generational things, so us joking with Casey about how like we all love to know, like we are so involved with each other that we all like share locations and like we all know where each other are all the time and how like sometimes that's really fun. But Casey's like, we all share our locations, a lot of us share locations, and I think that it's funny to think about you know, not to give Casey's age, but she was joking that like you know, used to you had to drive by somebody's house and just see everybody's cars there to know that they were together and you weren't, and how like sometimes I'm like that would maybe be kind of nice, like to just not even have that weight, and so I think that is funny because it's a generational thing that Maddie you touched on a few minutes ago before we started of like that our pure what did you say, like access to knowledge.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Our generation is just consumed with a wealth of knowledge, like even in every area we we just have access to so much information, yeah, that that's kind of I think trained our generation to feel entitled to it.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yes, that's literally the word I was about to use is I think the problem has become an entitlement and feeling like we deserve to know or we have to know. And if somebody else knows and we don't, then we we must also know. And just like what that has created and how you know something that is meant for good. I'm not even just talking about locations or or things like that. I'm talking about knowledge too much knowledge and information of a good thing can lead to something negative.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Yeah, like in a season that's that's pretty pertinent, like the parenting season uh where mom and dad had to figure some things out. Now, when people have questions, they can go find it and find a million answers on it. Then they're just riddled with anxiety about which you know which route to go.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

Oh, that's a whole nother topic. That's when they tell me about their children, the babies like oxygen monitors on babies. No, no, I'm talking about when they tell me about these um what sleep regressions, but oh my gosh. But y'all call what is it?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

In a leap leaps, yes, that we're thinking about leaps.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Yeah, whatever it is about the seasons that are coming up for their baby leaps. And I'm like, y'all are already nervous about something that has not even happened yet. And it's like we know what's coming, and that's what we've talked about before. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Like you didn't even know that that was coming. You didn't even know that you had to be anxious about it.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Honestly, I don't even think we knew we I don't even know that we knew it happened. We just were like some days.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Oh, he's kinda fussy to this. Some days he slept good, some days he slept bad. Yeah, and sometimes it's helpful. But then I think overall, overarching, I'm not I'm not saying that the amount of knowledge that we have in our generation is a bad thing because a lot of good has come from it. But I'm saying on this level, when when it seeps all the way down into your like actual day-to-day, I think that there are often times that it induces more anxiety than it does peace. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Oh, I agree. Or I think it even can can draw some anxiety when you don't know as much as as somebody else. Like you feel behind that you haven't taken the initiative to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Right. And then it makes you feel like a bad mom, a bad friend, a bad wife that like you haven't spent the time or that you don't know these things that other people know.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Which I think also leads into the the the one of the m mantras or whatever that I believe the greatest in life is comparison as the thief of joy. Yes. Where you know you just you which can play into like the location thing or play into like you know, even just down to social media, yeah, down to not has been like not investing as much into people around you and like seeing it just all these things. Comparison in any area is an absolute thief of joy, robbing you of like contentment with what you've got and where you're at and right what's going on in your own life.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

I think it makes you I think a lot of it makes you feel out of the loop. Like I heard someone talking the other day about if everyone's talking about a certain show, then you immediately think like, oh, now I have to go home and watch this show, binge watch this show so that I can be in the conversation with the people that I'm around. Or like you didn't want to watch that show. Yeah, but now you feel like if you don't go watch the show, then you're not part of the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Yes, and even something like the like personally, like I did this and it's something that like obviously like now it's fine and whatever, but I remember like when I there's like a game that a lot of people has become popular. I don't know, is this an everywhere thing or is it just here like Mahmoud? No, it's an everywhere, it's everywhere. Okay, it's like taking over the world. Okay, I know. I just mean like it being a treatment. We stole it. I just mean like it becoming very popular, like you know, playing mahjong. I didn't know how to play mahjong, and I was like, I need to know how to play. Like, I'm not I don't want to be left out. Like if other people are gonna play. And like, granted, like there wasn't I if that was part of it, yes, I wanted to know how to play the game because hey, I'm a freaking stay-at-home mom, I have nothing to do. So like I wanna I like wanted something fun, but I know that the back of my mind, this little seed was like, Hey, you know, if you don't learn how to play this game, you could, you know, miss out on things, or like you want to be part of that.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I think also that's when you have to find this healthy balance of not becoming like complacent and content, and then it breeding like bitterness that you're not a part of things or you're not trying when you're not putting forth any effort, but also balancing like, do I have the capacity for this? Yeah, like to take on this. Is this am I am I desiring to learn this for a good reason? Do I want to like be around people? Is that why I want to know this, or do I want to know it so that I can say I know it and I'm not left out?

SPEAKER_02 25:09

So let me tell you why I got so excited about Mahjong coming out is because it actually put people back around a table together and not like behind a phone because for a long time it was do you play well, like my first probably yeah, phone game was like Candy Crush.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

And what you did, you just let me tell y'all something real quick. When I got my first phone, it was my mom's old iPhone 4, and she was on level gosh, maybe 6,000. I don't know. I don't know, but I needed to clear storage on this phone because it was an iPhone 4 and it was old and I couldn't do anything. And she goes, Look, you you you can't delete Candy Crush, you can do whatever you can't delete, and I was like, Candy crush, it's holding a lot of storage well for whatever reason I worked too hard.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

For whatever reason, I don't think it would transfer at that time, it does now. Yeah, but anyway, I don't play that anymore. But we had gotten into playing games, like whether it was video games, kids playing video games, or on your phone playing games, even like they play pool, whatever that is on iPhone. I don't play that, but like it just goes back and forth between two people, but you're not in the same room together. So, like this, I mean, when I was a kid, people's parents would get together and have like standing card nights and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Yes, my parents did that when we were little. We love games.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

You had dinner with people, you sat around, you talked, you got face to face. So I'm like, okay, Mahjong is bringing people back to a table to be around each other.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

So true. And I think that's an that's part of it too, is I think what we have become so consumed with like the knowledge and screen of or like the the just you know being part or or checking boxes and things like that that you do sometimes forget just the the gift and the sweetness that is just like being together, of like having the conversation, of like it is such a gift that like the three of us can sit down and have conversations. And granted, like yeah, from on a piece of paper, people might be like, How are they such good friends? Like all three of them, even though like I know y'all are builds and besties, like being mom and daughter, but I'm saying that even if even if y'all weren't, I we would we could still have this relationship, and that's because well, it's first off because we're sisters in Christ, and that's what brings us together first and foremost. But second of all, it's because like we see the gifts that we offer each other, and I think that a lot of times like circumstances may look different, but that doesn't negate the friendship that you can have with somebody, and I do think there is a time and a place and a gift of having friends in your season of life. Oh, for sure, like you know, because there are things you can identify with together, things that you can sure struggle through together, but I think that it's equally as important to have people that it looks different for them because they can really, really speak into you. Um, and you can think on different things, and you can lean on someone like in a time where you're like, okay, I'm drowning.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Yes. I you're not in this, you're not in this spot. I need your help. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

I was able to go the other day to the big get together for all the moms with their little babies who were gonna have a water day that didn't happen because there again we live in Alabama and it ended up being 65.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

That was very cool.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

But I said, you know, I don't my children can all drive now, so like I don't have to wrangle, but I remember being there, so I was like, I'm just gonna go and hold babies, and yeah, that being able to do that is they they can't do that for each other because they have their own babies, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:43

Right, and even like you know, having a friend that is not married, like you know, when you have a long day at work or whatever and you just kind of need some space, like having you come over for dinner, like I've cooked dinner, and like I'm first of all, like I'm doing that thing anyway, but like that's a way that I could be there for you that it's hard to do with a a friend that is also married and also has kids to to make all that happen, you know. Just so it's just I think it's so unique and and so special and like should not be looked over. That like, yes, I feel like on the show I to we talk a lot about like find your people, like find community, get with people that are going through things you're going through, but don't do that so much so that you close yourself off to friendships that look a little different and that like serve, like allow you to serve them and them serve you in ways that like you can't do with people that are in the exact same stage of life.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

Well, and also there there's I mean, I throughout history I I it's it's obviously listed too, but I mean in the Bible there's so many relationships between someone much older kind of mentoring someone so much younger. Yeah. Um and I think that that's intentional. There's so much to be passed down and so much to be, you know, offered to someone who's out of your season and kind of learning learning a new way. I mean, someone who's been a been a mom has been a mom for a long time and you like now have grown kids, you're still a mom, but you're in a completely different season of kids with independence in some ways and like things like that. So there's just there's just so much. I think that everyone should invest in uh generational friendships and generational community.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Because I think that they like the ability that some like Casey, you have as a mom with adult kids to look at us sometimes and be like, hey, lovingly, like why it ain't that deep. Like, why do you care so much about that? You know what I mean? Because we get so consumed with this day of this place of, you know, we joke, I don't know if we were all literally, you just said this on the podcast about leaps and regressions that and consumed with what's coming or what hasn't happened yet, but it's so like kind of somebody that has walked through that to be like, hey, like I'm not negating the hard that you're going through right now. Like it is, it can be heavy and like it's not easy, but you don't have to let it like run your life sometimes. Yes, you know.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

And this is not this this will pass.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

This will pass. And in the same way that there are conversations we have about like, you know, singleness and whatever, and and like preparing for marriage one day, like, you know, I'm like, this is a season, you know, like in in preparing your heart and and the way life looks right now. Like, I'm just thankful that we have each other to to like even though this feels so big right now, like you'll look back and and like you'll see that the Lord has done this in the same way that Casey can do that for me in this season of my life, you know, and so I think that that is Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

I had a I had a conversation with somebody that was probably a little older than me um a while back after I had been at one of our um one of the like Bible studies that we do together or get togethers, and uh that that person was talking about their son being married and their new daughter-in-law and all, and I I was able to be like, um, I can I give you a little wisdom because like I know what these people that are this age of your daughter-in-law are thinking and talking about and wanting, and what you're saying is, you know, I it's probably not gonna go over really super well. Yeah, and so I was like, now don't get me wrong, like when I sit there and listen, a lot of times I'm like, Wait, what? But then I if I ask a question and say, you know, like why why would that stress you out if your mother-in-law did this or whatever, and the person answers it, and I'm like, okay, I can hear that. That conversation is probably never gonna actually happen between a person and their mother-in-law because they won't don't want to be honest to their mother-in-law, but because we know that's sometimes is a tough relationship, sometimes, um, especially between a female and a and a mother-in-law, and so but by me being in this group, like I think that now I'm able to say, okay, when I have a daughter-in-law, because I you know, may have two at some point, I can really be more open to and just in tune with what they're going through. What they're going through. Right. Which is crazy that I wouldn't remember my own self. Yeah. Being a being somebody's daughter-in-law, you know, and like how that how that feels, but you feel so removed from that. You do feel removed from it, and also the issues are just different.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Yeah, that's true too.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

And so it gives you this perspective. And I that person, you know, I was like, look, they're not trying to be, I was saying that this this girl is not trying to be hurtful. She this is just what generationally they're dealing with, and so this is probably why she's saying what she's saying, and I think that it works both ways. I mean, I'm able to tell y'all things that I've already been through and look at you and say, like, children are very resilient, and you're very resilient, and even if you don't, you know, sleep eight hours and babies you roll over in their stomach on their stomach and you know, sleep that way, and it makes you mad because you're like, No, you're supposed to be on your back. Um but all of those things still I still learn a lot from being around younger people, no doubt. And if you ever think that you're not gonna get wisdom from being around people who are younger than you, then I think that's a very dangerous place to be in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Well, and I think that we're we're talking about all this and like we're talking about multi-generational community and all that, but I mean it start with just being in community. And even that, it's like, well, what does that mean? It's having friendships that are deeper than just a conversation every once in a while or a check-in. It's like people that you do life with.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Yeah, and not just going out to eat after church or like doing the big holiday parties.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

I think that's a good thing. I think the people that like show up when you don't feel like you can you can't send a text. Like, yeah, it's it's it's being there for people when you know they they they don't have the capacity to ask for someone to be there. It's like you know, knowing where someone's at in their day-to-day. It's not just knowing where they're at one day a week or whatever. Um and it's just yeah, loving on someone without without necessarily even expecting it in return, but an overflow of that is usually that person returns it and like meets you where you're at.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

And well, and I think that's so good because I think I started talking about this a few minutes ago, how like on paper we might not look like we would be great friends, but I was talking to one of our other really good friends, um, and we were just like talking about that and how you know it's not easy and what the the easy thing to do is to just you know have the holiday parties together, go eat every now and then. But like I think that we are able to have the friendship that we have because we know these things about each other and we're in this like we are doing the hard thing of of like being honest and being there for each other and showing up when you don't want to be able to do that. Yeah, and she just said like talked about how like the the friendship flows from that, like intimacy breeds fellowship, and so I think that us like being in the day-to-day makes the fellowship and the friendship that we have, like it just flows from that. Like, and it is so much sweeter, and I just think that is so important to think about is like yeah, it may feel weird to do that backwards, like to just find and I'm not saying that you find just like anybody out on the street and like start being like vulnerable with them, but like within a safe place, you know, within your church or and small group and whatever, like that specifically looks like of finding people that you can be like real with and honest with and just like watch how the friendship flows from that because it's counter-cultural.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

I mean, yeah, culturally we are whole up people. That's why COVID for some people was so easy because you were like, I I love this.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Well, and you see it's all self, self, self, self, self, self. And this is not that well showing up.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

There are a lot of people that are listening that are probably gonna say they would love to have people, but they don't know. I I think what's actually strange is when you listen to people talk, they say they're lonely, they wish they had people, and you hear that from so many people, so you're like, why do they all not just connect? So it's it's connecting is the hard part, and it's also like realizing that you're not gonna find someone who exactly fits what you would like them to be. Yes. Like you have the our group of ladies that and it grows every yes m month or year, definitely by the year, when we look back at pictures and like there's more and more because we never want to be where people don't feel like they can come and join uh because we want everybody to have people, right? But it it is one of those things where you go into it and you have to be like, I want people in my life and I don't care what they act like, look like, uh it outside of certain I mean, obviously there's certain boundaries we want. Yeah, but like this person doesn't have to have my exact same sense of humor. They don't have to watch the same shows I watch, they don't have to work the same job or even work a job. Like they may be a stay-at-home mom and I work that that you have to be open to that and just realize that it's kind of like in a marriage where most of the time marriages are between two people that are totally different, that we compliment each other and usually someone that you that you look back and you're like, how did we yeah, how do we even farm each other? Like we're so different. Yes. But that's good because then in the areas where you're weak and you're like, I'm struggling in this area, that person probably can speak into that and then vice versa. Like, or if if you're very strong in planning things and they're not good, the trip gets planned because you're the plan. In the group, uh shout out Ginny Allen. We did the we did the Find Your People podcast a long, I mean a book a long time ago, but she told us, you know, that we needed to figure out who was your different kinds of friends and realize that they that you have like that foxhole friend that will get in the trenches with you, and then you also have the fun friend, and you have and everybody can't be everything. Yes, and you need to have space in your life to have multi-generations, multiple uh friendships where you'll yeah, like you've got your shopping friend, but you know, transparently there are some people that don't like to go shopping, so why would you force that person to go right, right? So I think being flexible and look around and look and see who's right around you because that's that's one of the things is we live nearby and so it's very easy to be like, do you want to sit and have coffee on the back porch and that doesn't necessarily require that you like cancel your whole day.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

So proximity is kind of important, yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

That's a really good point and starting place. Like, you know, don't you know start driving 30, 40 minutes to to a church or or whatever to try to get involved in a community that you are not a part of every single day, you know, or that's gonna take a ton of like repetitive like logistical sacrifice to be part of because that doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Yeah, because there's some statistically, there's probably someone around you who longs for a person. Yeah, yeah. There is probably someone in your neighborhood doesn't want to say it out loud.

SPEAKER_02 40:14

Yeah, yes. So my advice would be get have good snacks and bring a sonic drink.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

We love a sonic drink. We do, but and get get that will buy your friends.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Get in community by get some friends.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

That's our takeaway here. Do you want to come over to buy your friends and side? Do you want to come over? Uh I don't know. I have snacks. No, literally, the amount of times I've been like, you want to die, Cat?

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

We know what to do. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

But get get some friends, get in community. Yeah. Don't don't believe it. Don't do laugh alone. It's not all about you. It's about it's about you loving other people and letting other people love you back. Right. And finding those people and being open to friendships that look different than other people's. Be friends with someone 20 years older than you. Right. Or 10 years younger than you, or someone who isn't married and doesn't have kids, and you have kids and a husband. Be married be friends with someone who has an empty nest. Be friends. Just find people.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yeah. Because we all serve different purposes, and allowing that uh in and allowing different members of the body to serve their purpose in your life is like such a gift, and I think that's how the church is meant to operate.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

And we all are designed for relationships. No one is designed to be alone. No, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Thank you for letting me be on the girl podcast.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Um, yeah, we need to do girl podcasts more. I think I think Jeremiah was secretly like, you know, he would have tried a bit out of the way. He was he was staying over to the girl trying to throw some comments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was eve struck.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

You're not on the mic today.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

You're not here today, buddy.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Get out of here.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

It's master's week. It's master's weekend. So I think it was kind of like, hey, y'all do your thing. Yeah, we got we got things occupying.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

We'll take their place and they're watching golf. We're out here on the mics. It's fine. But speaking of in there, I think our breakfast is ready. So we're about to go enjoy. What a good segue. What a good way to explain. I know. I love it. But um, yeah, thanks so much for hanging out with us today on the podcast. And uh this hopefully will be the first of of many chats about. The people will want more. Yeah, they will want more. They'll let us know. No big deal. They'll let us know. But all right, I think that's gonna wrap this one up. I I don't I feel so weird. I never do these little outros. Thanks for tuning in and we'll catch everybody here on the next one. Bye, friends.