Compassion with Passion Rethinking How We Care for Aging Loved Ones

In this episode of Walks with Mom, we step into the conversations most families tend to avoid but truly need to have sooner rather than later.

What begins as a lighthearted moment about an 80th birthday and what should or should not be part of the celebration quickly unfolds into something much deeper. This episode centers around one powerful idea preparation matters more than reaction.

Together, this mother and daughter duo share the heart behind Walks with Mom and the growing need they have seen both in their community and within the church. While acts of kindness like meal trains and visits are meaningful, they have realized that today’s aging population needs more intentional and informed support.

They introduce the idea of compassion with passion, sharing how a church based compassion team was created to go beyond surface level care. Through consistent connection, relationship building, and awareness of real needs, this approach brings dignity and purpose back into the aging experience.

This conversation also highlights an important truth many people believe they are prepared for aging because they have a will or trust, but that is only one small part of a much bigger picture. Navigating healthcare, caregiving, resources, and even avoiding scams requires far more awareness and planning.

You will also hear honest reflections on the emotional and logistical responsibilities placed on adult children, the complexity of caring for both parents, and the gaps in knowledge that many families face even when they think they are prepared.

This episode is not about having all the answers. It is about asking better questions and creating space for conversations that matter.

Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones.

So grab a cup of coffee—or maybe a glass of wine—subscribe, invite your friends or family, and join us for Walks with Mom.

Special thanks to our Sponsor Amada Senior Care Mesa serving families and seniors in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler, Mesa, and the surrounding East Valley area. Accredited VA Provider (NPI # 1558048199) and Trusted resource for Long-Term Care Insurance Claims

Compassionate, personalized in-home senior care starts here – contact Amada Senior Care Phoenix today by phone at (480) 418-5422 or visit us online to get started and give your loved one the support, dignity, and independence they deserve.
www.amadaseniorcare.com/mesa-senior-care

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Aging is not for the faint of heart. I'm Kim, a Proud Generation Xer, and I'm here with my baby boomer mom Karen. Together, we'll tackle the tough but necessary conversations, share the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing moments, and open up about the stories that truly touch the heart. Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones. So grab a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine. Invite your friends and family and join us for Walks with Mom. Well, welcome back. Welcome back to Walks with Mom, where two generations start having conversations, some tough but necessary conversations as we are aging. My name is Kim. I'm one of the co-hosts, and I am a Generation Xer, and I'm here with Mom. And the other co-host, I'm Kieran, and I'm a baby boomer. I know. Yay! Woo-hoo! I know. We're gonna start doing an episode about um, or we're gonna record the episode after your 80th birthday because you've got that coming up. Oh, yes. And so we'll tell all the listeners about your 80th birthday. Well, my daughter is really going to have a really big party for me. It was funny. So we're not today, we're not talking about your 80th birthday, but we'll just do a little segue. We were talking on the way over here as we're driving to the studio, and you decided not to have kind of a PowerPoint of my life. Of your life for your 80th birthday. She was like, that's just what they do at funerals. And I didn't want. And besides, I just you don't want your whole life spray splayed out for people while you're still there. Right, right, right. I don't care what they think of me or what they know after I'm dead. So that was just funny. I was like, okay, we'll just have a picture of our family in the background, and that's uh that's how we'll we'll roll with it for your 80s. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Um, so um, and and I'm gonna put you on the spot again. The reason we have these conversations, mom, is because we think preparation and planning are much easier than crisis management.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I remembered it this time. But too many of us end up just falling into a crisis situation where our children have to make the decisions.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

And that's why we say yeah, planning and preparation, right. So I love that we're having these conversations on the front end, and we're hoping that our listeners share this with their friends, their family, and it's a catalyst. It's a, you know, hey, listen to these two ladies that are kind of trying to navigate this. And, you know, can we have some conversations, mom and dad, around some of these subjects? Right. It's a I think it's an easy way to start it because nobody wants to have these conversations on the back end or even not having these conversations.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Well, I think it'd be kind of interesting interesting if we share kind of why we got into this to start with.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Yeah, well, thanks. I usually make the segues. You did really good there. I can do it too. Um, well, one of the reasons that we started Walks with Mom is because we recognized that there was this growing need, not only in the community, but also within the church. Both of us, you know, are um women of faith. And when I talk about the church, uh those of you that that attend church, sometimes we say the big se church, meaning, you know, the church overall. Like not any particular church. Not any particular denomination. We're just saying kind of the big C church, those people in in religious uh denominations. And and usually in in the church settings, there's traditional ways of caring for those who are aging, like meal trains or or visiting shut-ins, right? Right. And those are kind of the traditional or dropping off a casserole. That's too big for two people. And those are well-meaningful expressions of love and how we can love on those people in our church that are going through some tough times or or aging. But you and I, because of my work in Amada Senior Care. Yes, that's we it starts there, I think. It starts there, is because of my work in the in Amada Senior Care and seeing the need in the home, you were like, there is such a bigger need out there in our church. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

And it kind of goes back to, I think um, people aren't really informed about aging, which is what we're kind of trying to do, but informed about you know what what's available for those that are aging as they are needing extra services in our health care or or just help in the home. And so I I just kind of felt a calling that I needed to do more systemized um way of helping people in my particular church.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yeah, I love that. And so that's why we've titled this compassion with passion. Right. And you started feeling very passionate. I did. Um, that you wanted to meet people where they were at, not just here's a here's a meal, you know, sorry you were out of the hospital and hope everything's okay. Here's your casserole. Right. Right. Right. You wanted to take it, like you said, a systematic, a little bit further than just dropping off a meal and being really kind of Christ-centered. What do you need? Right. And so tell tell me about you guys labeled it, even the compassion team. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

So uh one of the pastors in the church kind of failed calling at the same time. Okay. So we started a team of people that did feel like a passion of um helping older people, citizen uh seniors. And what we found is, you know, when you just have the occasional meal trainer dropping off a casserole, you miss a lot of people that have needs. And our congregation has been around for over 100 years. The church has. So we have some very, well, we have a lot of people, 80 and above, and a lot, even 90 and above. Yeah, you have an aging population in your church. So and we have a varied population in our church, but a good portion just really are getting to that age of um needing help. And I don't know that they know how to manage and plan ahead. So some of the stuff we have tried to do not only identify all these people, but we have uh taken the team and had people volunteer. Well, I'm going to be responsible for these five people and contacting them regularly. And if some of them still come to church. So if I see them at church, then I can be sure and say hello. But if they're not at church, I'm going to check on them.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

What's going on in their lives? So systematically now you have somebody kind of getting ingrained and not just dropping off and then, you know, uh-huh. And and then leaving, maybe sitting down, seeing what's going on, maybe start identifying that, you know, maybe food insecurity or dropping off meals is not really what's helpful for them. Right. You know, maybe they've got stacks of food in the freezer. It's just they're having a difficult time even getting it out of the freezer or getting that. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

So trying to, we're really not trained yet. That's one of the things, maybe in the future, but kind of seeing what their needs are, how can we help? And some of the people are in assisted living places. And so here again, it's just keeping contact with them, letting them know they're loved, that people care still about them, even though they are not at home anymore. Some people are at home. Some of them are couples, some are singles. Yeah. Um, and the other thing we have done several times is some workshops. And here again, this was not aimed just at the older people. This was aimed at their children. My generation, your generation, to talk about some of the things going on in healthcare, some of the things that you need to think about as you're aging. And I'm feeling the need to do that again. It's been a couple of years. Yeah. And um, here again, things changed so much.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Yeah, you guys had some workshops about um trusts and wills, you know, getting kind of your estate planning done. So some experts come in. You had some uh veterans, uh benefits, I believe, came in as well. You had um some Medicare or, you know, insurance agents that also came in. Yeah. You, you know, and you had somebody had hospice come in. Hospice, like a hospice chaplain come in and talk about that. So I think there was you you were exposing them or at least educating them on some things that are are available. Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

So here again, um after several years, we are kind of getting a new population, I see, of people that are reaching. You mean your generation?

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Don't remind me.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah, I'm sorry, I cut you off though, but well, it it needs to be ongoing. And I think also here again, I'm learning other things that are available. And one of the things that I am really seeing that uh people of my generation need to be aware of is there is education for us out there. If we're still able, uh there's education in in technology, education in scams, education and uh AI. We need to take advantage of that and keep ourselves as informed as we possibly can. Yeah, because things are just changing so rapidly.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

But well, it's making you a wise person, you know. God has given us uh uh, you know, an intelligence, he's given us a sound mind, right? I mean, obviously, some of us we are cognitively impaired, but those of us that are not, you know, you you still have a mind to start deciphering and looking at things. Um, in a in a previous or in an upcoming podcast, I don't know which this is all happen on, but you just recently learned about something called peptides and and things of hormones. And like that was eye-opening. Right. And right, you know, I think it's just being open to exploring or finding out that there's there's still still things to learn and maybe they would be helpful to us.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Right. I mean, definitely learning how scams are what's out there and being able to recognize them, especially on our phones, yeah, and not falling into the traps. But one other thing that we have done, and I think this with the compassion team with the compassion church, okay. Um you know, there's a lot going on in our church. We have a very active church, but the older people aren't able to physically participate in some of them. Like we have a walk through Bethlehem around Christmas time, and because they're just not physically able to help out or be part of that. And so we have tried to plan a few um sometimes field trips, and uh twice a year we have a big lunch on Sundays because you know, if they come to church, they're there on Sundays.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

So um so to kind of bring that that aging population together, make them feel a part of the church, that they can participate and and and have a fun program at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Um, so we have one of those coming up in June. So um, how exciting.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Yeah, yeah. How exciting. So, where do you see um maybe this is a loaded question, mom? Where do you see the church's role in helping with the aging population? Because um, you know, that can be debatable. It is it a role for the church to maybe be a resource or to have some solutions available to its members because we do live in such a fractured healthcare society, fractured, a changing world. And so, you know, people are going to get their information or their support from, you know, elsewhere, not the church. So, what do you think the church's role is in the next 10 to 15 years as your generation is aging?

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Well, I think churches need to first recognize uh what a large number of their church population is going to be in that category. And uh I definitely think the churches uh could be very active in educating because um it's uh it is difficult to get a full picture of the resources available to our generation.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

Well, there's so many. There are so many know what questions to ask.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I mean, you don't know what questions to ask to ask. That's key. You don't know what you don't even know where to start looking. And if you try to do it on your own, especially as a senior, you're gonna be overwhelmed. But I have a feeling that people of your generation might be overwhelmed too.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

We are so you think that it would be helpful if the churches start understanding, okay, they have a large percentage of their population that's aging, uh-huh, maybe provide some education or some solid education that are centered around, you know, various topics that will help them. The whole preparation and planning is much easier than crisis management concept. And what else do you think, churches?

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Okay, so I find out when I'm talking to a lot of seniors, oh, we've taken care of that.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

We have a will or trust, and we have our, you know, end of life wishes, you know, what we're so we've taken care of that.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

That is su is it important, but such a small part of the whole aging continuum and things that you're going to have to face and contend with.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

I like how you said that. You that that is important, uh, but it's a small it's a small part.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

It it's the part we've always known about. So we take care of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

But there's just in today's society, because we are living longer, um there are many things that are coming up that our families, if we don't contend with them, our families are gonna have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Yeah. I mean, that could be from downsizing, uh, organizing your house, you know, moving to an assisted living, getting care in the home. It could be even, um, I mean, I find the whole Medicare and Medicare advantage complex. So we're going to probably have uh a guest speaker that talks about that because for my generation, it's just for me to try to figure it out for you, that's confusing for me. Right. Well, and and overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Overwhelming, yes. And I there's just so many things out there that we um are going to have to make decisions about or contend with. Um yeah. I would like to go back to the good old days.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Well, I I and I love how you said where you think churches kind of should go. I mean, who are we, you know, but we think that that churches should have a a look at this generation and how they can support them or at least, you know, provide some quality resources, education. Right. I I totally have a heart for my generation because we're now, I I'm in my Bible study and we've had, you know, a couple of parents pass away recently, or some of our parents have passed away in the hospital, in and out of the hospital. They're having to also navigate their children. Um, I I have this one friend, bless her heart. She is just, she's navigating her um teenage children at the same time. Her dad's in and out of the hospital right now. And she is just in the middle. I mean, I'm I'm worried she's about to have a nervous breakdown. And that's okay if she hears this because I I think she's nervous about it as well.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

And and I know in our Bible study, we're providing support and we're, you know, because I love that what I do, what I do at a modest senior care, I'm help, I'm, I'm uh able to give her some resources or some solutions. But can you imagine if she didn't have somebody to rely on?

SPEAKER_01 18:26

I I know several couples where, you know, you know, say this the man has some medical issues, and so the wife is a caregiver for a while. Oh, all of a sudden the wife has some issues, and who's going to take care of the husband who's got the issues? And then who does it fall to? Of course, the children. And children aren't always in a place where they can do that. And here again, I wondered if they'd had some education about it, some discussion with their children ahead of time. This is not really unusual that the situation they found themselves in, it's not unusual. It's not unusual, but talk about it first. You know, planned ahead, talked about it. It would have been a little smoother transition. And the thing is, it it doesn't always go one way because then they both got a little bit better and felt like they could be independent. And then it starts all over again. So it's not a uh one, it's not a smooth ride going just downhill.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

It's kind of a bumpy road. A bumpy road. Yeah, we have a common friend that, or common friends, and the adult daughter left her job to take care of both because it was kind of like one was going down, one, you know, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

So we're gonna do another podcast on caregiving because that is a big issue.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

That is a big issue. Big issue. Caregiving. Um, so I think let's wrap this up for a bit. You know, I'm just gonna pose this question. I don't have any answers to it, what the churches should do, you know, and again, we're we're saying the big C church, you know, all denominations, but you know, I think it's a conversation churches should start having. I think the leadership needs to start having of we're having an aging population. How are we going to support them? How are we going to support the the adult children that are supporting their parents? And and support could just be an education. Support could be like, how can we as um how can we be Christ and love on you, you know, well.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

And we just have, we have, we actually did a survey of several churches, our pastor did. Oh, really? Uh just before we started really forming what our team was going to be doing. And uh, you know, I don't know that we have all the answers, but it is we are really in contact and keeping, and of course, we have a chat room, so we share prayer needs with each other. With these other churches.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

No, with the compassion team.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

With people within our church and with our compassion team. And it just really, I think, um, has peep has helped people still feel part of the church, even when they no longer can come to church. And of course they can see services online, but you're still, you need that personal touch.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't think there's any answers we provided, but maybe this is a posing of a question. Uh churches start, you know, maybe start having some conversations of how to help um and support the aging. And I'm sorry, this is kind of a really solemn subject.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

And it was hard to put any humor in it.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Well, you know, we could be like, you know what, one one day we're all gonna be seeing Jesus. We're gonna See Jesus, right? Okay, that's a yay yay part of it. Um, so again, if maybe you um have a pastor, um, somebody in leadership in the church, and you just found this interesting, like, hey, what is our church doing? Um, how are we kind of gearing our members to feel supported, to cared for, um, loved? How can we have them see Jesus, you know, during these times? Just share this episode with um someone. And until then, we will see you on the next walk.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

This is Karen, and I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with us today. Please come back for more laughs, more connections, and more real life moments between these two generations. See you on the next walk.