What 80 Really Feels Like No One Tells You This

Welcome back to Walks with Mom, where real conversations meet real life between two generations figuring it out together.

In this episode, Kim and Karren celebrate a major milestone turning 80. But this is not just about a birthday. It is about what it actually feels like to age, the surprises that come with it, and the conversations most families avoid but desperately need to have.

Karren shares what it was like celebrating her 80th birthday surrounded by friends, family, laughter, and a spontaneous dance party that no one saw coming. From blowing out candles with a room full of loved ones to starting a conga line that threw off the entire plan, this celebration perfectly captures her spirit. Joyful, active, and not ready to slow down.

But underneath the fun is something deeper.

What does it really feel like to be 80

Karren opens up about the surprising disconnect between mind and body. Mentally and emotionally, she does not feel old at all. In fact, she feels much like she did decades ago. But physically, things are different. Slower. Harder. Sometimes frustrating.

This honest reflection leads into a powerful conversation about attitude. Choosing to stay active. Choosing to keep going. Choosing not to let age define what is still possible.

The conversation then shifts into something many families tiptoe around doctor visits and cognitive health.

Kim shares why she wanted to attend her mom’s appointment and bring up baseline cognitive testing. Karren shares her real and very human reaction hesitation, resistance, and a bit of avoidance. Together, they unpack why these conversations feel so hard and why they matter so much.

Because the truth is simple

Planning is easier than crisis

This episode is not about having all the answers. It is about starting the conversation.

Karren also shares her advice for anyone approaching 80 or supporting someone who is

Stay active even when you do not feel like it
Be intentional about staying socially connected
Plan your days with purpose and keep moving forward

And maybe most importantly: Do not let a number define your life.

This episode is funny, honest, and incredibly relatable whether you are walking this journey yourself or walking alongside someone you love.

So grab your coffee, maybe a glass of wine, and join the conversation. You might just find the words you have been looking for to start one of your own.

Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones.

So grab a cup of coffee—or maybe a glass of wine—subscribe, invite your friends or family, and join us for Walks with Mom.

Special thanks to our Sponsor Amada Senior Care Mesa serving families and seniors in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler, Mesa, and the surrounding East Valley area. Accredited VA Provider (NPI # 1558048199) and Trusted resource for Long-Term Care Insurance Claims

Compassionate, personalized in-home senior care starts here – contact Amada Senior Care Phoenix today by phone at (480) 418-5422 or visit us online to get started and give your loved one the support, dignity, and independence they deserve.
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Aging is not for the faint of heart. I'm Kim, a Proud Generation Xer, and I'm here with my baby boomer mom Karen. Together, we'll tackle the tough but necessary conversations, share the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing moments, and open up about the stories that truly touch the heart. Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones. So grab a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine. Invite your friends and family and join us for Walks with Mom. Well, welcome back. Welcome back to Walks with Mom. I am one of your co-hosts, Kim, and I am a Generation Xer. And I'm with my mom. And I am Karen, and I'm a proud baby boomer and the other co-host. And the other co-host. Well, I am so excited because today's podcast, we're going to be talking about turning 80. 80, 80. And if you are watching on YouTube, you can see that we have our hello 80 uh t-shirts. Yes. So I'm the 80 person and you're the crew. I'm the crew. I know I'm the hello 80 crew. Well, before we begin into your 80th birthday, we had an 80th birthday party for you recently. Let's kind of just really quick remind our audience why we do these podcasts. And we want people to be able to start having conversations, right? Um with their family. With their families. So many times that these uh these conversations are difficult to have. And we're going to be talking more than turning 80 in this episode. We're going to be talking about doctor's appointments too. Oh, no, no, we don't want to talk about that. Oh, yes, we are. And so this um hopefully is a catalyst for people to start having those conversations. They can say, hey, we saw these two ladies or we listened to these two ladies, and and maybe we can talk about this, mom and dad. Right. That's really what we want to happen with families. Yeah, is to start having the conversations. And the reason is because preparation and planning are much easier than crisis management. It took me a long time to teach her that, by the way. So well. So let's talk about uh last weekend we had a big 80 party for you. That is right. 80 is greedy. That's how I wanted to say this episode. That doesn't make sense. Just the 80 is great. So tell me about uh what did you like about your 80th birthday party?

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Well, all of it was fun. Um, we had what 70, 80 of my friends.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah, you have that many friends. Okay, by the way, it they were people from your church that you associate with.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Right, and my family.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yes, and family.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

And um, there were just a lot of fun things that we did.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

One thing is my son-in-law bought 80 those mini bunt cakes. Yes, from uh I don't know if we can say it, but we'll say it. Nothing bunt cakes, so the buntinis.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

And every person got one of those mini bunt cakes with a candle in it, and they all helped me blow out the 80 candles at one time. That was actually really cool. That was kind of fun, that was cool, and I kind of surprised my daughter. She planned it. I mean, two of them in it almost, because she's a planner, but I kind of surprised her because I improvise at the very end. And I had a friend that had challenged me to have a boogie time at my party, and so I had the Audiovisual man start a boogie type of song. And my family or my grandkids and I started boogie before we knew it, we had a conga line going.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Conga line. It was, it was a conga line all around the room there. And I honestly, I think, I think my kids looked at me because I was I was going like, this isn't in the agenda. What's going on here? I have a very difficult time when things go outside of the very end, but it was fun. It was fun. But in that time when you were thanking everybody at the end, and that's what I wanted to talk about, is uh you said something that was very interesting. You know, you and I totally believe that uh we have a soul, a spirit, and and a body. Right? Yes, and and so you touched on that, that you're while you are 80, your soul or your spirit doesn't feel like it's aging. Can you expand on that? And and maybe that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

But with mind and heart. Yeah. Because I think everybody can agree on a mind and heart. And while you know, I'm turning 80, my mind and heart don't feel 80. I feel like I was 20, 30, 40 years ago, maybe too not too far, because I really hope I'm wiser and more experienced now. But I don't feel old in that part of me. And so I really think that's your spirit, because your spirit lives on. Your spirit doesn't die. And I I think that that's the part of me that doesn't feel like I'm aging. However, there is a big problem. What's the problem? My mind, my heart, my spirit doesn't control the body part of me.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

So the flesh, you can definitely feel the physical limitations and the physical kind of slowing down. But it's it's just it's trying to get all of those to match up. And maybe that's not the purpose, is for them to match up because our soul, like you said, just continues living, right? Right. Right. Um, it continues on how we believe. That's how we believe as Christians. We believe your soul continues on. And so and that's who you are. That's the essence of who that's who we really are.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

That's why my mind and my heart, I don't feel I don't feel like I'm aging. But I also think we do control our attitude through our mind and our heart. And if you I I've known some people like my mom, who, you know, when she got to 80 and older, she said, I'm an old lady, you guys should help me out. That was her mentality. I do remember as you give me a discount.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah. Or I'm old. And I just uh It was like, How can you serve me or I'm old, serve me now, or something like that. Or I'm older.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

My attitude is get out of my way, I've got things to do yet. I've got places to go and things I want to accomplish. And that's kind of what I'm feeling is that I don't want to just say I'm old because I'm 80. I want to keep very active, keep moving physically as well as I can, and just keep pushing forward. I don't want to admit that there's any limitations.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Well, I I think it's okay. I I see you give yourself some grace though. That you know, like when you've had a long day and and you're exhausted, you or if I have something really heavy, I say, grandson, come here. I have a very helpful grandson. Yes, you have very helpful grandchildren.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

And then when I can't mentally do it, I say, granddaughter, come here, work out this computer problem for me.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

She does, doesn't she? She does. She does. So um I love that you're saying that attitude um of trying to keep as young as possible in your attitude and your thinking.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

And you know, sometimes it is a struggle. Like when you get up in the morning, I'm trying to walk three, four times a week. And oh, I'd rather sit with that cup of coffee than get out there and walk. And of course, now you've got to walk early before it gets hot.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Well, because we're in Arizona. If we have any listeners that's not in Arizona, yeah, you have to start walking early in the morning. It's still hot early in the morning, but you still have to walk early.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

So, you know, you just have to say, this is my plan.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

I've got to get up and walk. So discipline and attitude, or attitude and discipline, or both of those go together. Yeah. Yeah, that's very insightful, especially in my age as I'm starting to look forward, um, maybe making those disciplines and those attitudes now, because it'll be easier, you know, when I'm and I see a lot of people with kind of the same attitude that are still, well, going to the senior centers and and exercise places, and they they get out and do it.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Well, I'm gonna switch. I mean, still it's the topic, but switch gears a little bit and we're we're going to the doctor point, aren't we? This message is brought to you by Amada Senior Care Phoenix in the East Valley. At Amada Senior Care, we help seniors live safely and comfortably at home. That's where life feels familiar. From a few hours of companionship to more involved personal care, our trained caregivers support aging adults and the families who love them. At Amada Caring is personal because we're often walking the road with our own parents. If you're walking alongside your mom or dad and wondering what support could look like, learn more at AmadaPhoenix.com. We're enriching lives one family at a time. So recently, um we mom was going to go to her primary care doctor yearly. Yearly. And uh a couple of weeks before that appointment, I said, uh, do you mind if I go with you? Because this is the first one I've gone with you. Right, right. And do you mind that we ask about some cognitive testing?

SPEAKER_02 10:48

And and I said initially, yes not. Do we really have to do that? Through gritted teeth.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Exactly, just like that. Just like that. But tell me about your thought process and even the emotions that went into that when I approached that subject.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Well, first of all, I don't think we often think about initial cognitive testing at a certain age, you know. Often we wait till it's really obvious there's some cognitive issues. Yeah. Um most of us, if we live very long, are going to have some cognitive issues.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

And I think it could be because of just general aging. Right, right. No, no particularly general aging.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

And you know, you don't want to admit that at all, but that's just part of aging. And so I unfortunately I can see some things that I'm not as alert about as I used to be. And um here again, it's having to admit that I'm losing some things. I'm losing some abilities. Physically. Physically, because it's my brain that's not uh working as well as it's used used to.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Well, and uh when I explained, hey, I let's just see a baseline test, right? Um let's just see is there anything, or is this just general aging? Right. And so when I approached it that way, was it a little bit more palatable for you? Yeah or or no? I mean it's a little bit more palatable, but here's the problem.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

I'm really allergic to doctors.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

You know what? And I've noticed that because when we got the we went there and and she she was agreeable just to go get a uh a baseline testing. She she didn't see any issues, but she was agreeable. She understood. She understood. And then so I leave you in charge trying to let you be independent of getting all of that scheduled. And last night when I said, hey, where are we at on that?

SPEAKER_02 13:07

They've called me with the person that I was referred to, but their office never called me, so I didn't worry about it. So, and so I asked you, I said, Are you ignoring this? Or oh, it's been too busy. I've just been too busy planning this party and everything. Really? Really?

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Yeah, tell me about that. Tell me about your two busyness in your retired life. I do have a busy life. So, uh in all honesty, do you think you've maybe kind of pushed it aside a little bit just again? Yeah. Do I have to be honest?

SPEAKER_02 13:43

I mean, that's hopefully where I did kind of really just drop the idea because not completely. It's just I was busy and it just was something that well, you know, I have a to-do list on my phone and it wasn't on my to-do list. So can we put it on the to-do list now? Okay, if you insist, I'm gonna put it on right now.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Oh, don't put it on right now. But um, yeah, why do you think you put it off? I mean, we're laughing about that it wasn't on the to-do list, but let's dig deep.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Let's peel back the layers of the it's like anything as you age, and if it's a more of a sign of aging, you just kind of don't want to admit that that needs to be taken care of. You know? Um when I that same visit, I got several other referrals, and I have followed up on them, but in truth, the office did call me to set up the appointment. The neurologist?

SPEAKER_01 14:52

No, the other doctors. Other doctors, like the cardiologist. Yes. So because the neurologist dropped the ball, you're gonna go ahead and drop the ball. Is that a good excuse? That's wonderful, mom. Thanks so much.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Not a good excuse, I realize, but anyway.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

So to wrap up today about 80 is great. Um, you've kind of alluded to it, but if you had three suggestions for the baby boomers about turning 80, because you are the first, you know, your birthday's in May. This is the first real true baby boomer. The true baby boomers, or what you know, our society is labeled, started in 1946. That's the first gener or start of the baby boomers. What would you says establish 1946 on my shirt? Established 1946. Go ahead. So three three suggestions for people turning 80.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Well, here again, it all goes to your attitude, and the attitude is reflected in your planning, your thought processes. And I guess uh I wanted to be as vibrantly young as I could possibly be at 80. And so it's like, okay, what do I have on my daily agenda? What do I have on my weekly agenda? And because I'm so active at church, I have a lot of things to do with my church. But I've also done some things at our local senior center, uh senior center, and um I think I need to get into more exercise at the senior center. So here again, you know, plan ahead. You know, find things to do. Five find things to do. And also realize you may have to push yourself a little bit. You don't want to push yourself too much. No, no, no, no. But you know, there are times that uh I really it'd be nice if I could just stay in my recliner and sip my coffee or whatever. The path of least resistance is so much easier, yeah. Right. So you just have to say, this is my plan. I'm gonna stick with this plan as much as possible, you know. And um I think that's great advice. And then another thing that's really important as we age is to be socially involved. And you know, they say that that people, not just seniors, but people that aren't have a social outlet. And this is personal social, it's not the social media, but a personal um that you're having face-to-face conversations and you're with people. It's you know, be sure and plan plenty of that.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

That's really important. Social is very important. Did I miss something? No, I think it's really good. I actually uh I I'm kind of again switching gears. This is how my mind works, but you're right. You know, I've I discovered a great idea, somebody who wants to do this probably for the baby boomer generation. Planning your 80th party was overwhelming to me. Because I'm not a good, like I'm a good planner. You're a really good planner, but I'm not a good party planner. So I think that's a business. Somebody just needs to be like, I plan 80-year-old parties and maybe 90.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

But you know what? On 90, I'm not having a party if I live to be 90. What are we doing on 90?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

We're going on a family cruise. Yes. I think we're all holding you to that. So we're all like 10 more years, 10 more years.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

Well, several things have come as we've been talking about this, and and a story I want to share. Last year on my bucket list was to take a mission trip. And last summer, I was able to go with my church on a mission trip to Italy. And I think there were like 29 or 30 of us that went adults, and we all were divided into different groups and did different mission things, and it involved because there were so many, we had four vans, and it involved climbing in and out of those vans. And I had a couple of ladies that were on the trip that after the trip walked up to me and said, We had no idea you were 79. You climbed in and out of those vans like nothing else. And I was really excited.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

You were proud of yourself because I was nervous you going across the country. Out of the country, yeah. Across, yeah, out of the country for that. Yeah, not in. Yeah. Well, thanks, Mom. I'm super excited, and it was fun celebrating your your 80 years. It was fun. And um I'm I'm just super excited. So, those of you, if your parents are turning 80, plan, do something exciting. It is awesome, and it should be celebrated turning 80. Um, if you've enjoyed this, like us, share this with somebody else. Um, great conversation about just having a neurology appointment in a hopefully in a little fun way. I'm being shamed, aren't I? No, you're not. Held accountable, maybe. But uh, thanks so much for joining us, and we'll see you on the next walk.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

This is Karen, and I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with us today. Please come back for more laughs, more connections, and more real life moments between these two generations. See you on the next walk.