Walks with Mom

Faith, Family, and the Hard Conversations That Change Everything

• Kimberly • Season 2 • Episode 11

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Aging is not for the faint of heart and neither are the conversations that come with it. In this strong and honest episode of Walks with Mom, Kim and Karren sit down with Pastor Roy and Tish Times to talk about the realities of caring for aging parents, how it impacts marriage, and why preparation matters more than we think.

Through powerful storytelling, humor, and lived experience, this conversation explores what really happens when aging parents need more support. From shifting family roles to the emotional weight it can place on relationships, Pastor Roy and Tish share what they have learned through their own journey of caring for loved ones.

This episode dives into the tension many families feel but do not always talk about. The strain on marriages, the challenge of balancing responsibilities, and the importance of building emotional resilience before crisis hits. You will hear why planning ahead is not just practical but essential and how avoiding these conversations can lead to unnecessary stress and heartbreak.

Faith plays a central role in this discussion as well. The group explores what it truly means to honor your parents in a healthy way, especially when relationships are complicated. With honesty and grace, Tish shares how boundaries, forgiveness, and intentional choices allowed her to navigate a difficult relationship with peace and without regret.

There are also lighter moments that bring warmth to the conversation. Stories of holidays spent in care facilities, family traditions being reshaped, and the reality that sometimes love looks different than we expected. These moments remind us that even in challenging seasons, connection and meaning are still possible.

At its core, this episode is about being prepared, staying connected, and choosing love even when it is hard. It is a conversation that encourages families to talk sooner, plan better, and support each other through every stage of life.

Many families avoid conversations about aging until they are forced into decisions during a crisis. This episode highlights how proactive communication, shared understanding, and faith can transform a difficult season into one filled with intention, dignity, and even moments of joy.

Guest Spotlight

Tish and Pastor Roy Times met at Joy Center in El Paso, Texas, dated for two whirlwind weeks, got engaged, and married four months later. Thirty-plus years, three grown sons, and two-and-a-half grandbabies (one on the way) later, they're still each other's favorite people.

Roy serves as the local pastor of Joy Center Phoenix, shepherding his community with the same steadiness he brought to a 13-year career as a government contractor and many years in sales and technology. Tish is an ordained minister of nearly 20 years and the CEO of Tish Times Sales Agency, where she helps high-achieving women build companies that scale beyond them. Together they bring the head and the heart — strategy and Scripture, candor and compassion — to every conversation.

For speaking opportunities, podcast invitations, learn more, and contact us at: https://themakinglovepodcast.com/

Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones.

So grab a cup of coffee—or maybe a glass of wine—subscribe, invite your friends or family, and join us for Walks with Mom.

Special thanks to our Sponsor Amada Senior Care Mesa serving families and seniors in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler, Mesa, and the surrounding East Valley area. Accredited VA Provider (NPI # 1558048199) and Trusted resource for Long-Term Care Insurance Claims

Compassionate, personalized in-home senior care starts here – contact Amada Senior Care Phoenix today by phone at (480) 418-5422 or visit us online to get started and give your loved one the support, dignity, and independence they deserve.
www.amadaseniorcare.com/mesa-senior-care

SPEAKER_02

Aging is not for the faint of heart. I'm Kim, a proud generation Xer, and I'm here with my baby boomer mom Karen. Together, we'll tackle the tough but necessary conversations, share the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing moments, and open up about the stories that truly touch the heart. Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones. So grab a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine, invite your friends and family, and join us for Walks with Mom. Well, welcome back, welcome back to Walks with Mom, where two generations have some tough but necessary conversations. I'm Kim, one of your co-hosts, and I am a Generation Xer, and I'm here with my mom. And I'm Karen, and I'm a proud baby boomer. Well, welcome. We have two very special guests today. We have Pastor Roy and Tish Times from Joy Center Church in Phoenix. Welcome. We're so glad to be here. Thanks for having us. Oh, we're so glad to have you. Well, you are also a host of two podcasts. Can you tell our audience that? And then we'll jump into some necessary conversations.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. So I host a podcast called the Sold Out Sales Podcast of the Sales Agency. So it makes perfect sense. And then I now get to co-host the Making Love podcast with my husband, my Superman. And we're having a great time doing it.

SPEAKER_02

I know. So I was traveling recently, and so I knew you were going to be on the podcast. So I did a little like stalking. Okay. And then I listened to the podcast. I can't wait to hear your next story because I heard, yes, you say it, you counsel people in marriage. Yes. But you also say don't do it like how we did it. Many of us say that. So if you haven't joined or listened to their podcast, go to the Making Love Podcast. Well, today we're talking about I love that you are pastors. You're very involved at Joy Center Phoenix, but let's talk about aging parents and let's just jump right in. So, Pastor Roy, from a pastoral perspective, why do aging parents put a stress on maybe marriages?

SPEAKER_04

That's really, really a great question.

SPEAKER_02

It's very timely because And you have a solution for us about I have a solution.

SPEAKER_04

It's not necessarily popular, but it's a solution. But the when you have a marriage, um, and then you have uh an outside stressor, which an aging parent, they may need more attention, they may need to move in, maybe they're needing to go into a care facility. And if they go into a care facility, you have to visit very regularly to make sure that they're being cared for.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely. And be I don't mean to to stop you, but being in the senior care industry, you know, we still need our family to be there.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and as an aging parent that visits my friends, I see them kind of isolated sometimes.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, exactly. And so you have to be there on a very regular basis, which means schedules get, you know, messed up. And so it just creates additional stress on the relationship. And what has to happen is you have to build tolerance to be able to deal with stress early on. You don't want to try to build the tolerance to deal with stress when it hits because the wrong time. Uh our bishop used to always say that's the wrong time to learn how to fight when the bell rings and you're already in the ring.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you needed to be practicing music. That's kind of our motto here. Yeah. So one of our mottos is planning and preparation is much easier than crisis management.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly correct.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, it's gonna be hard either way. It's just choose your heart or choose how hard. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Just add, I mean, how many Thanksgivings did we spend?

SPEAKER_04

Oh, I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know, both of our parents, we we've lost all of our parents at this point, unfortunately. But we had my mother at an assisted living facility for about 10 years before she passed. Wow. And so we spent lots of Thanksgivings, lots of Christmas dinners. I mean, all the parties were there because we wanted to bring the party to her when she wasn't physically able to leave. So we've we've been through all of it. All of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So that definitely has to reframe kind of what you thought holidays or special occasions looked like within your marriage. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, there's nothing like Thanksgiving dinner in a care facility in like a little room.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

And everything is in, you know, Tupperware, and there's foil paper everywhere. You're stuffed in one little, but you you don't want to do it and bring them a plate because that says you know, you're an afterthought. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um I mean, just you not to mention my mom's house was the central space for all of us. It was, yeah, it was party central for the whole family. Sunday suppers were always there. We were we were there multiple times a month, and she was an excellent cook. So we, you know, we waited for Thanksgiving dinners and things like that. So everything shifted in our family when she was unable to continue to host, if you will. And then of course, when she got really sick and wasn't able to do any of that.

SPEAKER_01

So that not only affected affected the two of you, but also other members of your family.

SPEAKER_04

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

So Tish, why is this conversation especially important in the church right now? Do you think? Especially you both have gone through that. Right. Um, why is it important that we start having those conversations, especially for people in the church?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think it's important. We've we've been a part of a ministry um for over 30 years. The same ministry. Now we we pastor here in Fitness, but we were a part of this ministry much earlier back in Texas. And so we've seen how without having these conversations, it it kind of sneaks up on you, if you will. We've seen a lot of our friends have their parents' age and then they're trying to figure out what to do and how do we deal with it. So I feel like having the conversations at this point is so important because it causes us to realize what's inevitable. And we want to make it as exciting, as palatable, as um exciting for the the member of the family that may have to go into an assisted living facility or uh, you know, a care facility of some sort. So I think it prepares us and it causes us to be in a place where we can make sure that everybody has a good life, enjoys life. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we only have one life. I know at my church, I'm really having a difficulty uh engaging her generation in this concept of planning ahead discussion.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

Uh working together ahead of time. How do you get this generation involved in that discussion? Yeah, we're just stubborn.

SPEAKER_02

We're just the stubborn generation. Yeah, that is true.

SPEAKER_04

We have definitely known for that. Um, it's like anything, you have to really sort of repeat, repeat, repeat, tell stories because people can more easily identify with a story than an instruction. Right.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, absolutely. So maybe like a story. Hey, one of my friends, yes, you know, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_04

And the two of us, we've got tons.

SPEAKER_02

We got lots of them. Lots of them. Lots of stories. Call Pastor Royal.

SPEAKER_04

But people will more easily um pick up what you're saying if it's in a story, because now you're not telling me what to do, but you are telling me this is what can happen if you don't prepare. Yeah. And so now I can think, well, you know, maybe we want to address this now before one of the issues that we had, because we weren't prepared. So that's why we have a lot of stories. One of the issues that we had with her mom was her mom was um in and out of facilities. And at one point, um, I think it was after your dad passed, you guys were like rotating who would live with her for like several days. Yeah. So that meant she was leaving me at home with three kids. Um, and none of the three of us were very good cooks. No.

SPEAKER_02

That was no stress on your marriage and your family.

SPEAKER_04

And so I'm sitting there literally some days I felt like, well, well, who's most important here? Like, nope.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And I had to deal with that because I understood, but just emotionally, you feel a little bit left behind. Right. And you have to understand and be ready to deal with things like that. Or plan better.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. There's a scripture that says that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. Right. And so a testimony is really just me telling someone, this is how I overcame. And so, like you said, telling the stories, and now we're in a position where we can tell people this is what happened, and this is how we were able it set up so that we could enjoy our mother, we can enjoy, you know, when my dad was still alive, all of these things. So telling the stories, but then also kind of saying, let me let me save you some heartache. Some heartache. Yeah. Some, you know, let me share my experience because I learned a lot from that. Absolutely. It really does make a difference telling the testimony, telling the stories instead of just giving the instruction. Because we've we've had people brought in and they're like, you know, you need to have this, that, the other. And it goes right over the head. Right. Whereas when I say, when my dad passed, we didn't know where any insurance was. We didn't know, we had no idea, you know, all of these stories. It's like, that's just better.

SPEAKER_04

We found more guns than we found life insurance people.

SPEAKER_00

Crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But I don't think you're unique either. I think that happens time and time again. Correct. Because people haven't had those prior discussions, that planning ahead type of thing. We don't want to think about those things. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

So, um, which leads me into, you know, we we are taught biblically to honor your mother and father. Yes. So, what does biblical or healthy honoring of our parents look like when we're when we're aging? And and and maybe this isn't, you know, this is just a discussion. Yeah. I mean, maybe we don't even really know. We're not going to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, no, we don't. We know. We know.

SPEAKER_04

Again, stores.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and and I'll say it this way because I I know that this isn't everyone's experience, and I pray that it's not everyone's experience, but my mother and I had a very difficult relationship. And um that's probably more common. Yeah, it was a very difficult relationship. I loved her, loved her dearly, but we had a difficult relationship. And so at some point, I had to be willing to submit how I felt about certain things and how things impacted me and were hurtful that were said, and just said, you know, and you know, it was it was me just saying, okay, at this from this point on, I would just say, okay, mom. And you know, I'd I would, if I got to a point where I couldn't sit in that room and be respectful or any, and I was never disrespectful, but if I I couldn't sit there any longer, I'd say, you know, mom, I'm gonna go now and I'll come back.

SPEAKER_02

So it sounds like healthy boundaries.

SPEAKER_00

Very much so. And this is what it did for me because when my mom passed, it was two days after Mother's Day in 2020, and we did not expect that to happen. She'd been ill for a long time, and she'd been doing well, you know, she'd been managed very well. We didn't expect her to pass. And having that understanding of honoring her the way that I ought to, when she passed, I had no regrets. And I was so grateful for that because I know too many people who've, you know, we've we've had we've we've had the situation where it's like, wow, I wish I would have. I should have said that. And um that in and of itself gives you the peace that if that person were to pass, you could you could be able to say, Man, I'm glad I was able to make resolution or make the apology or forgive all of those things.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's hard though, do you think you're to decide which boundaries to set, you know? It just is like in that honor, we have kind of got used to just giving in. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

And that's not healthy for us. No. But when I'm talking because I have trouble with my mom.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I have trouble with my no. Um, no, but I appreciate that. I think boundaries, the other person doesn't need to know our boundaries. Like you knew your boundaries to say, like, okay, well, mom, it's not because explaining that to mom. Yeah, just would have been honored, right? That wouldn't have been. And so how did you support Tish during that? Like when when she was kind of, you know, I'm sure you had these battles emotionally inside yourself. Yeah. And how did you support her? Am I putting you on the spot?

SPEAKER_04

No, no. I I her mother was upset with me for two years. Yes. Because I brought her and our youngest son here to Phoenix and stuff being in El Paso. Okay. So, um, and and what I had learned was when my mom passed, we weren't in a good place. And and, you know, 80-20, my fault. And so when she died, I struggled for months because I felt guilty. Because there was no way for me to make it right. Right. Um, and it took a long time, a lot of prayer, um, before I was able to forgive myself because she wasn't around to ask for forgiveness.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and so when I understood what she was dealing with, I already knew whatever happens, she can't go through what I went through. I want, I don't want that. So that's so powerful. I was just like, whatever you have to do, we'll do so that everything, so that you can enjoy whatever time you have with your mother. And her mom was so funny.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um, but in that, she could she she could be emotionally cutting with a joke.

SPEAKER_02

Passive, aggressive, all masterful.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, she was great at that. So you'd be laughing and be, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

But I I just learned from what I went through, I had to support her so that she could maintain a good, solid relationship. Um, and it, you know, took some fine-tuning to get the boundaries just where they needed to be.

SPEAKER_02

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04

Um, but it worked.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. And then that just helps that that helped you not have those regrets. Absolutely. Absolutely. So let's kind of move to the church. And I'm talking about like the B big C church. It doesn't matter what denomination, it's right, you know, the church in general. This message is brought to you by Amada Senior Care Phoenix in the East Valley. At Amada Senior Care, we help seniors live safely and comfortably at home. That's where life feels familiar. From a few hours of companionship to more involved personal care, our trained caregivers support aging adults and the families who love them. At Amada Caring is personal because we're often walking the road with our own parents. If you're walking alongside your mom or dad and wondering what support could look like, learn more at AmadaPhoenix.com. We're enriching lives one family at a time. How can churches, those that follow Jesus Christ, better support couples that are aging for their parents, that are supporting their aging parents? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I think education is important. Um we've been blessed to have lit leadership that is extremely intentional about having classes and you know creating opportunities for us to have necessary discussions in church. So I think that intentionality is important. Um, but then also having a place for people to be able to voice their struggles and and be honest about what they're really dealing with. Um because I think when it's kind of I I love the fact that we talked about earlier honoring our parents, but I think there's also a point where we have to be able to say, this is what I'm going with. How do I help her? How do I get through this? How do I without the judgment? Without the judgment, right? And that's an important thing.

SPEAKER_02

Help me, I'm in a human moment.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly, for sure. You say something different.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, I I was gonna say the exact same thing. We we have a record of having classes um where we talk about different things. We've had, you know, uh how do you deal with stepchildren? We've had uh or mixed or blended, you know, families. We've had, you know, we have um a ministry that helps people make it through divorce. Um and so this is just another as as we get to a place where uh the need arises, we'll have um a a class to help people figure out what kinds of things they need to be doing to to uh deal with uh uh aging parents. Because the one thing that is easily seen in scripture is that you must care for your parents.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

There's there's no getting, in fact, Jesus specifically um derided the the the Pharisees because they didn't take care of their parents properly. And so we have to understand that it's critical. And you your your religion is fake if you don't take care of your parents. That's according to scripture.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And so you have to do it. So that means we have to take the steps, we have to take on the challenges. Um, it has to be done. Yeah, and so we just need to work together to figure out from the church perspective how do I minister to people who are about to have this challenge, who have this challenge, to help them make it through, make their help their marriages, uh, help them financially understand what they need to prepare for. Right. All of that.

SPEAKER_01

So we have had great discussions. Preach it. Where my daughter feels like it's my generation's job to initiate the discussions with our children. And of course, a lot of my generation I don't want my kids to know all of that. Oh, right, right. Yeah. So we've had some um interesting discussions on that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Well, so maybe it's both. And it's uh I love your your church, how it has to come from also the leadership. Yeah, absolutely. Saying, you know, we want to invest in our our church. We care about you. We care about your emotional, your spiritual, your physical well-being. So let's get you some education.

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Um, you know, and and we're called to be wise, right? Um, and decipher that information. So I love that your church is is doing things to try to prepare people and help them along the way.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think we have to be really relevant. So here in Phoenix, you know, we are one church at multiple locations, by the way. So our bishop is Michael, Dr. Michael Brown, in El Paso, but we have locations all over. The El Paso church probably has ages zero to maybe 80, you know, so a wider, broad, or maybe even much maybe, maybe even bigger.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, actually, you know it's older because yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00

Like probably up 99, 92 at this point. Oh, yeah, you're right. Here in Phoenix, because we're a newer church, I don't know, we just attract young people. So we have, you know, our our average age is about 30 years old.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, or younger, actually. And so depending on the people that you're attracting in the congregation, yes, you have to be aware of all of the needs. So if everything is focused on the younger generation, then you're gonna miss out on helping and educating and really supporting those who are a little older and vice versa. So I think there needs to be relevance for every um age group and type of culture, or all of the types of people that you attract in the ministry. Um, and if we're missing that, then we're also really missing an opportunity.

SPEAKER_01

That leads me to just a comment. In my particular congregation, it's been around in the Phoenix area, Chandler area for over a hundred years. Yeah. And so we have quite an aging population. An aging population. We have the younger people. We we have a nice uh spread, but the aging are kind of becoming more percentage-wise.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Right. And so I think it's incumbent upon, I'm sure, the leadership there is aware. It's it's like, okay, we have to really make sure we put things in place and create opportunities for those conversations. Because, you know, to allude to your earlier point, initiating a conversation with my mother about this was an it was a non-start. It was absolutely not gonna happen. Right. Um, it was very difficult, probably good two years that we tried home health. She fired every single person. Every single single person. We went through what, about 13 different.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I can appreciate that. That sounds like my mother.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and we finally, you know, found what we we turned out to be a wonderful place for her to go. Yeah. But even then, the initial conversation was, I mean, I'm literally, I could see her sitting in the middle of the room, like, I'm not talking to you all. And she would not talk to us for several days. It was a hard thing. Then by the time she got there, we'd call her and say, Hey, mom, I want to come by. Oh no, I'm playing bingo. You gotta come by later. You know, she loved it, loved it after a while. But I think that we just we have to find ways of having those conversations. I think church leaders have to be sensitive to the needs of the population that they're serving. And if that's what it is, then that means okay, let's figure out how to have these conversations. How to have it.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like we could talk more. This is this has been so good. And thank you so much for your insight. Mom, do you have any last minute comments before we wrap up? Would you like to come to my church and then initially?

SPEAKER_00

I will be praying for you.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gracious. Well, if you've enjoyed this conversation, please go ahead and share it with those that are in your family or maybe a coworker, or this just helps you start to have those conversations with your aging loved ones, or possibly your church leadership. So we ask that you share this, like us on your favorite platform, and then we will see you on the next walk.

SPEAKER_01

This is Karen, and I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with us today. Please come back for more laughs, more connections, and more real life moments between these two generations. See you on the next walk.