Let’s Walk and Talk Truth About Living Together as Family for 12 Years

Hosts: Kimberly Akers & Karren (Mom) 

Welcome to Season 3 of Walks with Mom, where we continue having the tough but necessary conversations around aging, caregiving, and family life.

In this truly personal episode, Kimberly and Karren open the doors to their real life as a multi-generational household. Living together for over 12 years, they share how and why the decision was made long before crisis arrived, and what it has meant for their family over time.

From caring for a loved one with vascular dementia to raising children and building a shared home, this conversation explores the real reasons families choose to live together, and what it actually takes to make it work.

• Why planning ahead matters more than crisis management
• The origin story of multi-generational living in their family
• Caring for a spouse with vascular dementia
• Emotional and practical benefits of living together
• Creating independence within a shared household
• Setting boundaries, space, and lifestyle expectations
• Financial planning and shared household responsibilities
• The real challenges of cooking, caregiving, and daily life logistics
• How roles naturally shift across generations over time

This episode is raw, real, and relatable as Kimberly and Karren reflect on what has worked, what has been hard, and what they would do again.

From caregiving challenges to everyday family dynamics, this conversation shows that multi-generational living is not perfect, but it can be deeply meaningful when built on intention, communication, and support.

If you are:

• Caring for aging parents
• Considering multi-generational living
• Planning ahead for future family support
• Or navigating caregiving decisions today

This episode will help you understand what it really looks like behind the idea, not just the concept.

Subscribe to Walks with Mom for more honest conversations that help families prepare, plan, and navigate aging with clarity and connection.

Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones.

So grab a cup of coffee—or maybe a glass of wine—subscribe, invite your friends or family, and join us for Walks with Mom.

Special thanks to our Sponsor Amada Senior Care Mesa serving families and seniors in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler, Mesa, and the surrounding East Valley area. Accredited VA Provider (NPI # 1558048199) and Trusted resource for Long-Term Care Insurance Claims

Compassionate, personalized in-home senior care starts here – contact Amada Senior Care Phoenix today by phone at (480) 418-5422 or visit us online to get started and give your loved one the support, dignity, and independence they deserve.
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Aging is not for the faint of heart. I'm Kim, a Proud Generation Xer, and I'm here with my baby boomer mom Karen. Together, we'll tackle the tough but necessary conversations, share the hilarious and sometimes embarrassing moments, and open up about the stories that truly touch the heart. Come with us as we explore what it means to navigate these years with our aging loved ones. So grab a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine. Invite your friends and family and join us for Walks with Mom. Welcome back. Welcome back to Walks with Mom. I am Kim. I'm one of your co-hosts, and I'm a proud Generation Xer. And this is Mom. I'm Mom. My name is Karen, and I am an even prouder baby boober. Yes. Well, we started this podcast to have tough but necessary conversations as two generations were aging or were supporting our aging loved ones. We totally believe, you remember the tagline, Mom? Yes. Okay, what is it? Well, it means planning ahead instead of crisis management. So planning and preparation is much easier than crisis management. So speaking of planning and preparation, we're gonna peel back the, I guess, doors to our house. Right. And I think a lot of our listeners know that we live together. We're multi-generational living. But maybe let's go back a couple of years. You mean 12? 12 years. We've lived together 12 years. 12 years. Um, and to why we chose to do that. I think multi-generational living is not for everyone. I'm just gonna preface that. Uh, but it's definitely something that we utilize as a planning and preparation before crisis management. Right. So let's go back all the way to what was it, 2012, 2013, mom? Well, we moved in together 2014. In 2014, but we started having the conversation in 2013. Yes, definitely. So, what happened for us to start having that conversation?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Well, in my life, my husband had been diagnosed with vascular dementia. And of course, we just knew it was going to get worse and worse and worse. I mean, at that point, he was still driving some. Yeah. We even had a motorhome he was driving.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

So we'll have to do an episode about the motorhome because that's a that's a little uh trauma.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

We knew that this this disease would just progress and that I would become a full-time caregiver.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yep. And at the same time, you also lived um about 30 to 40 minutes away from you. Uh-huh. And so then we we knew that, okay, that's gonna be difficult. Now, in my life, I was single at the time. And I had two kids living at home. One was one was in college. Was he in college? Oh, he was. Well, you had three kids, but two were living at home, one was in college. And so we started having that conversation about multi-generational family to support each other on the life's journey. Right. Right? Right, exactly. So, what I'd like for us to do in today's episode is um also talk about some positive things that have occurred because we've continued, even since dad has passed, right? We've we've continued Well, you even got married. We've got to have my husband on this episode. So, because anybody that walks into a multi-generational family and and decides that he's gonna get married and come. He's gonna live with his in-laws, yeah. Like he's a saint for that.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

And again, that's why we say this is not for everyone, right? Right. It's not for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

And I think one of the things that maybe worked for us is that we are mother-daughter. Sometimes when you do, you know, mother-son, yeah, it's not quite as um workable.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Or when there's like maybe a daughter-in-law in the picture. And again, we're not saying that that is now I I know a family that's like that. That that it yeah, that yeah, that that can happen. But because we are mother and daughter, and I think we're similar in sometimes our routines and our habits, yeah. Nature and everything like that. So, in your um, as as dad, as we, you know, were we journeying on with dad, what were some positive things when we decided to live together that uh in your mind that come to mind?

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Well, I just appreciated having family closer, having the support of family, and not being kind of by myself. Because what happens with dementia patients is they they really don't connect with other people after a while. They don't have much conversation, they don't seem to have much to share. And so it can be very lonely and um isolating. So to have the family there was helpful. Um he's got to a point where he fell a lot, and the boys got old enough and big enough that they could help get him up most of the time. I never had to call 911 because I certainly couldn't get him up. Right. Um I think that um I had a sounding board. You know, when I came to a decision thing, I couldn't talk to my husband anymore about decisions. Yeah, but I had family, had you, that I could say, what do you guys think? Yeah. Is it time to do this? Uh is this do I need to go to the doctor for this issue, this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

But also a sounding board in things of your life, even finances or you know, uh other things that you normally would have kind of had a you know, conversation with your spouse about. So we were able to kind of fill that role. You know, what is funny though, let's kind of also go back. What helped our family, I think, is we intentionally, again, the whole planning and preparation is better than crisis management. We intentionally found a house to which everyone would have their own separate space.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

My husband and I had a space separate from yours.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yes. And so that was, I think that's key. Is that you guys had your own separate space close by. We shared a kitchen, shared a kitchen, and we had our own space. Yeah. Um, because you guys like the TV loud. Well, we liked westerns, I don't think you're westerns and loud. And so, and then the kids, they were small, so they're watching their cartoons and everything. So it allowed people to have their space. So if you're looking uh to maybe, you know, as your parents are aging and you're having conversations about what what if we joined families, you know, before crisis. Um, and and so we can support each other. Um, those are some things that we would advise um that you look, is that people have their own space. Right, definitely. Um, I also think that we also people have their own air conditioning or lack of air conditioning system.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Well, I've learned to wear sweaters sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Because uh, you know, as as my generation, we're having those hot flashes. I'm meeting like super cold. And uh so, you know, having conversations about that.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Part of our planning intentionally was how are we going to handle finances? Yeah. Because obviously you're living together, there's going to be many crossovers, like for, you know, buying food. Um, we actually um talked about utilities and and all of those really common expenses that go with maintaining a household.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Yeah. And so there needs to be those conversations. I know that we kind of had a conversation and decided that we all got a joint account that we all got money into. Yeah. And that's what the food comes out of, that's where the mortgage comes out of, all of the utilities. Um, sometimes we we've had to re-evaluate that through the years. Yeah. When the boys got bigger and ate a lot more food, well, then we, our side had to contribute a little bit more. But you know, you just you you start figuring out how are you going to manage those things. This message is brought to you by Amada Senior Care Phoenix in the East Valley. At Amada Senior Care, we help seniors live safely and comfortably at home. That's where life feels familiar. From a few hours of companionship to more involved personal care, our trained caregivers support aging adults and the families who love them. At Amada Caring is personal because we're often walking the road with our own parents. If you're walking alongside your mom or dad and wondering what support could look like, learn more at AmadaPhoenix.com. We are enriching lives one family at a time. I wish I would have looked at a recent article, but I think that we've actually saved money living together. I never thought about it, but we probably have. Because, you know, I'm not having to go over and try to maintain another yard, right? Where I couldn't do any longer. Nope. And, you know, either I'm saying, Mom, you're gonna have to pay for a landscaper or I'm paying for a landscaper, right? Right. There's there's that. Yes, yes, you know, and we share those those household expenses.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Like when you've got to get the door garage door repaired or things like that. They can be really hefty expenses. And if we had two different households, we'd each have to pay for that.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah. And we do have a system um of you know, percentage of who who pays what. So again, you know, it those are conversations though that you would want to on the front end intentionally have. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah. Right. Well, and we just I think the thing for me, we talked about just supporting one another. I mean, initially, because your kids were so young, I got really involved in transporting them to school. Yeah. And um, I even worked, you know, volunteered in the school when I was able and everything. And then things changed. Um, I became more of having to be a caregiver.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Yeah. Well, and I think it was a natural progression because the kids were growing up and they were getting a a little bit older and a little bit more independent on some things that they can do on their own. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

And to the point where now they're all gone except for one.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Except for one. Oh, they come back every so often. Yeah, yeah. So I I know I started this conversation saying that we were gonna look at some of the positives, but I'm gonna put you on the spot. What were what are some of the challenges of living in a multi-generational household? Well, cooking. Um so mom's the primary cook for us um because uh I don't cook. I mean, I can cook, I don't like to cook. I work a lot, so a lot. So uh mom does the most of the cooking. So yeah, cooking for people because we've got so many. So what are the other challenges?

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Well, uh I want to go on cooking just a little bit. Okay because everybody has some likes and dislikes. So having to cook, we originally were cooking for eight people. Yep. When we first started, we were cooking for eight.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Now we're down to four, five, depending on six. If the kids are home for college, we never know who's gonna be showing up for dinner.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Well, that's part of the challenge. Who's gonna be there to eat? Um, I think some of the challenges is, you know, um people with their moods, you know, including me with my moods, you know, um, we have to give each other grace for that.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

It's navigating everybody's personalities and the dynamics and that's where having your own space is very important.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

You can retreat to your own space when you need to.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah. And I'm sure it's been a challenge too, you know, as as dad passed away, you know, sometimes I know that you've walked into some heated conversations between my husband and I.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

And that's probably always like I know how to retreat real quickly, though. And and I think this um since my husband passed away, which has been seven years now, can you believe that? Yeah. Um there's that loneliness that um, you know, uh, well, they're going out, but they're not taking me, and I don't like that, but you know, I really don't want to go where they're going anyway.

unknown 14:06

You know.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Um so there's wrestling with those kinds of emotions, you know, back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Having to find your place in the world again.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

And you had to, since we were living together, you probably got more um experience with my moods in that case than um a normal parent, you know, daughter relationship. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Um I would say on my end, some of the challenges were also to navigate the multi-generations. Like if we have activities or something, it's making sure that everybody felt included and things of that nature. And so I'm always the one trying to feel like is everybody happy? You know, you know, yes. And so I, you know, I think that's a challenge, but I don't want to say it's a challenge. I think it's one of those tensions to manage. Right. Right. You know, and and having to look at it that this is a positive thing. I know for me, not having to because you guys would have never I don't want to say never. You probably would not have moved from that house that was 30, 45, 40 minutes away. So I would have been traveling and I'm helping you maintain your house as well as trying to maintain my house. Right. Right. Right. I'm I'm, you know, going back and forth. So I feel like there was a lot of positives for me, or it helped make it easier for me as you age and as dad, you know, was declining.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Is we own we each of us, each of the adults have their own um uh jobs, so to speak. Mine has been shopping and cooking, shop, grocery shopping and cooking. Yours has been overall organizing everything. And your husband, Ray, is the fixer.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Yes, he fixes everything. He's like he's the handman. He does some cooking too. He's the handyman and he does the weekend cooking. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

So we each found our um strengths and used our strengths in making the household work well. Yeah. I don't have to worry about how something's gonna get fixed, which if I was leaving by myself, living by myself, that'd be a huge thing. I'd probably have to hire it out. Right. And the other thing is that um, oh, I just lost my train of thought, of course.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

The other thing is you just love living with us.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Well, I can't see it happening any other way at this point. It might change, you know. I know life changes. But um, you know, just when the kids were younger and at home, it was my entertainment a lot of times.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Well, what we'd like to share with everyone is that we would encourage you, if this is something that maybe could potentially work for you and your aging loved ones, is to start having that conversation. Um, it's much easier to have that than in a crisis management and your parents are hospitalized and now they're moving in with you all the time. They're moving in with you, and you don't get to have these intentional conversations of how are you going to work out finances? What's a, you know, what do you want your living space to look like, mom? How are we going to navigate when there's tension in the house? And you know, it's just again, much easier than than when there's a crisis.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

You've you've got to intentionally learn to communicate, uh, when to communicate. And, you know, what we actually ended up doing uh when you got married again, the house wasn't adequate. That's right. Right. It was too small. And because there was eight of us.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

And we intentionally knew what kind of house we wanted. And we found it. We I think we drew over a realtor crazy, but anyway, we did find the right house for us. We did.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

We looked over uh at least over 40 houses and found the right one.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

And we like it so well we can't even see moving, even though we don't need all the space. Oh well, we've utilized all the space.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

We've utilized all the space, but again, we knew what we needed, and we knew we needed the space. We knew we needed everybody to have a place where they could recruit and they needed to have that.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Multi-generational, you need to seriously look at how that particular house is going to suit your needs.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

There's a lot of, you know, multi-generational homes. They're calling generational homes, and so they've built for that. So um, we encourage you if you're thinking about um combining your households with your aging parents, or vice versa, you know, share this episode. Start the conversation because it definitely requires a lot of conversations, a lot of collaboration, a lot of communication about make sure everybody's expectations are the same. Right, or at least you're you're voicing them so you can kind of you know work on those. Right. So share this episode with a family member or a loved one, and start having those conversations today if you're thinking about um multi-generational households. And until then, we'll see you on the next walk.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

This is Karen, and I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with us today. Please come back for more laughs, more connections, and more real life moments between these two generations. See you on the next walk.