Episode 91 - grief and loss of a loved one

It can be difficult to experience loss of a loved one - as much as we live every day we are also dying every day towards the date and time He has designated 

Ecclesiastes 12:7

Going up yonder

https://music.apple.com/us/album/going-up-yonder/1233300871?i=1233301309

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Hello and welcome to Shine. I am your host, Nicole Florence, and this week I wanted to talk a little bit about grief um and and loss. Not just loss of a loved one, but also grieving what we may have thought a life was going to be, whether it was our own or um even our loved ones. So I thought about this because today is the birthday of my Gigi, who was probably one of the most important people in my life and shaped who I am today, especially spiritually. And you know, we've lost her, gosh, just about 20 years ago. And I think about all the stages of kind of grief and mourning and how I remember her differently throughout that time. I also wanted to talk about it because I had a family very close to me that is just now in the throes and the beginning of losing their loved one, their mother, and how we are reminded of what that looks like and what that feels like when we see others in that experience. And this particular family, they were in a place where they knew that that day was going to come. You know, unfortunately, their loved one had been chronically ill for for quite some time, and they had made the decision to give her more kind of what we call palliative care, right? More comfort care and you know guide their resources, their their energy, um, the way that they were going to approach her as truly deciding is this gonna give her the the quality of her last days, or is it going to give her more discomfort and pain and and maybe you know not choose to do that, which was a very appropriate decision to make. And even though they had been in a situation where they thought, okay, this is the time, this is when it's going to happen, um, you know, we're all on God's time. And she did eventually get to the point where she was ready. Um, and clearly physically, she was in a state where she was becoming closer to her last days, her last breath, and they were able to gather the family, some of the kids who were far away, um, and her granddaughter, and they were able to be with her, to um talk with her, to hold her hand, and help her transition her last breath. And I think for any of you who have been in that situation, well, first off, to have to make that decision of palliative care can be very difficult. We don't want to seem as if we are giving up on our loved one. We also think about, you know, does our decision for them cause them to die maybe earlier? Maybe they will rally, maybe they'll come around and get better. Um all of those thoughts that we have in thinking that we are in control. And I think there's an interesting statement when we were having this discussion after she passed. Um, I had been her physician for quite some time, and so, you know, of course, you know, the kids we were talking, and you know, did we make the right decision? What do you think? You know, they told us that she was dying, and it made me think, and and I tell a lot of folks this, I got news for all of us, as much as yes, we are living each day, we are also dying each day. Um, we're we're dying in that we are becoming closer to the date and time that has been set for us. But we are also hopefully dying in that we are shedding our sin, we are dying to our sin, we are dying to our flesh, but at the same time, hopefully having a sense of rebirth in our spirit, because as we do breathe our last breath, the hope is is that our spirit goes back to our Lord and Savior. And as they described to me how those last moments and those last days were, I thought to myself, what a beautiful gift that they gave their mother, what a beautiful gift that she gave them, that they could all be there with her, and what a beautiful gift that God gave all of them. You know, too often when someone is born is, you know, it is seen as the more joyful occasion when a spirit enters the earth and as it should be, but I think too often we become scared about death and loss. And when we look at those two ends of the spectrum, we have to understand that those are gifts that God gave each of us. And although there is the physical death, there is the spiritual birth, and hopefully the ascension into heaven to be with our Lord and Savior forever. And you know, in black church, I call it black church, uh, Baptist Church, of course, when you are at a celebration of life or a funeral, as many will say, it is truly a celebration. It is one of joyful remembrance, but also joyful praise and joyful song, as there is the celebration of that spirit returning to God. One of the more recent ones I've been to, um they walked out in celebration to a beautiful song called Going On to Glory. I'll put it in the show's notes. Um, just to remind us that ultimately that is what our life is for. That is what our transition is for as we take our last breath. So I pray for those who are mourning, especially my beautiful family, uh, my neighbors, as I know this is just the beginning of a time of mourning and bereavement. We're gonna talk um a little bit about that this week and and how we manage that with our faith. And I pray that you understand as much as each day we are living, um, also each day we we are dying. And I think of Ecclesiastes twelve, seven, and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.