Episode 93 - Grieving the Loss of the life we expected to have

Often we have expectations of how our life or our loved ones life is going to be. When it doesn't happen there can be a sense of loss and grief. We have to lean in on His purpose for us - not ours

Jeremiah 29:11

Romans 8:28

Transcript

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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Hello and welcome to Shine. I'm your host, Nicole Florence, and this week we've been talking about grief and loss. And while the previous two podcasts, we talked more specifically about the death of a loved one, and then even that period of mourning over the years. But there is also a different type of grief and loss. And I'm talking about grieving the life that we thought we were going to have. Whether it's I'm going to be, you know, married for 50 years, or I'm gonna have, you know, so many kids, or this is the job and the purpose and the house that I thought I'd have, or this is where I would be in my life. Um we have so many expectations, uh, not only for ourselves, but even for our loved ones, you know, specifically our adult kids, um, hopes, dreams, expectations, you know, we do it out of love. It's it's not um that it's done with any um thoughts of harm or malice, but we typically have a certain idea of what we think our life or even their lives are gonna be, and then what happens? It is not anyway shape or form of what you think. You know, for me personally, I thought I'm only gonna get married once, I'm I'm gonna have you know three, four, five kids. Um, this, you know, was my kind of expectation of where I hoped my life was going, and then what happens? Um the marriage doesn't work out. Um, you know, you get divorced and you put yourself in a place where you know you don't have as many kids or as big of a family. But then what happens? God blesses you in other ways, and while you don't have more biological kids, you have bonus kids. Um, I may not have birthed my twin daughters, but they are my twin daughters that I love and I am able to share with my husband and their mother. Umy times we have expectations of what our hopes are even for our adult kids, where we hope they'll be successful, you know, married, um financially independent would be fantastic. But then sometimes life happens and you have an adult child who just cannot find their way. Um and you think to yourself, God, why is this happening? What did I do? Or why do you and I have such disconnect of where I felt their life or my life should be? And of course, I have to take a step back and remind myself that the purpose that was set out for anyone's life is stewarded by God, not by me. And I have to, you know, take myself back to Scripture and knowing that even though it's not the path that I thought I'd be on or I thought they would be on, I have to be rest assured that it is the purposeful path that God has chosen. Now I may not understand it with my heart and my mind, um, but I have to have the faith and trust that it is God's purposeful path. And I can't compare that path with anyone else's. You know, it could be hard where you have, you know, friends or neighbors or yes, social media, and it's, you know, look at my kid, they're you know in graduate school, or they're, you know, saving the world, or they make tons of money, and their lives just look so epic and spectacular, where you feel um like what happened? That was the expectation I had from for my child or even for myself. And I have to stop myself from grieving over a life that I expected to have, or I expected my loved one to have. And that is when I have to lean into his word and his scripture, right? Jeremiah 29, 11, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope in a future. And sometimes I have to play that on repeat, because I have to understand that I don't have the plan. Um, I don't know, but what I do know is I have to have the trust and the faith and the obedience to God and his plan because he knows. And whatever that plan is, it is not going to be one that brings me or my loved one harm. And there will be prosperity, not wealth and riches, but prosperity in joy, prosperity in the spirit and the fruit of the spirit. And so I have to hang on um to that scripture. And then secondly, I have to go to Romans 8.28. We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Whose purpose? His purpose. All things. And all things work together for good. So I know some of you, uh not unlike myself, um, will put ourselves in a posture of grief over how we expected our lives to be, or how we expected the lives of those we love to be, but we have to reset our focus and our posture on God, knowing that ultimately his purpose for us will go beyond all of our expectations, even though we may not understand it of where we are in the moment. But ultimately, it will be a path of mercy and grace and blessings in abundance, even though we may not understand or grieve the loss of our own expectations at the moment. So when you get to those uh places where you are like, this is not where I thought my life would be. Sometimes it can happen moment to moment, daily. Um if by his mercy and grace you have never had to um have those moments, I pray that you won't. But for those of you who understand and get it, I hope that you will lean in on him, lean in on trusting him, because our faith and our hope will get us through that level of grief and loss of expectations of a life that we thought we were going to have, despite the fact it was never God's plan, right? But I pray that those two pieces of scripture will allow you to lean in and lean on him. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.