Burning It All Down: Escaping a Narcissistic Mother, Healing CPTSD, and Finding Safety

Burning It All Down: Escaping a Narcissistic Mother, Healing CPTSD, and Finding Safety 

What happens when the person who was supposed to protect you is the person who taught you that love, safety, and survival all come with conditions?

In this powerful episode of Beyond Mommy Dearest, Noelani Pearl Hernandez sits down with actor, filmmaker, writer, and survivor advocate JinJara Mitchell to explore the lifelong impact of growing up with a narcissistic and emotionally unsafe mother, the reality of complex trauma, and what it means to rebuild a life after losing everything you thought defined you.

JinJara shares her deeply personal journey of surviving childhood emotional abuse, neglect, family dysfunction, and the pressure to maintain the illusion of the "perfect family." Together, we unpack how children adapt to survive, how trauma shapes identity, and how healing often begins when we stop asking, "What was wrong with me?" and start asking, "What happened to me?"

JinJara also discusses how her own experiences inspired her award-winning short film The Ornament and the work she now does helping others transform pain into purpose through storytelling and community.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Growing up with a narcissistic and emotionally unsafe mother
• The hidden reality behind the "perfect family" image
• Childhood trauma, CPTSD, and survival adaptations
• Trauma bonding and identifying with the abuser
• Loss of identity, family, stability, and belonging
• Leaving home and rebuilding life from the ground up
• The long-term effects of emotional abuse and neglect
• Therapy, healing, and nervous system recovery
• Family estrangement and complicated grief
• Learning what healthy love and safety actually feel like
• Breaking generational cycles of trauma
• The role of storytelling, art, and advocacy in healing
• Creating The Ornament and turning trauma into purpose
• Building community after surviving family abuse

About JinJara Mitchell

JinJara Mitchell is an actor, filmmaker, writer, and advocate whose work centers on healing, storytelling, and human resilience. Born in Palm Springs and raised between the United States and Canada, JinJara experienced profound childhood loss and family trauma that ultimately shaped both her personal healing journey and creative work.

She has appeared in productions including Arrow, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, Life Sentence, and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. In 2023, she wrote and directed the award-winning short film The Ornament, a deeply personal exploration of children who are forced to protect the very people who harm them.

JinJara is also the co-founder of The New Players, a creative community dedicated to connection, healing, and authentic storytelling.

If This Episode Resonated With You

If you grew up learning to become exactly who someone else needed you to be in order to survive, you're not alone. Children adapt. They perform. They protect. They wear masks. Healing begins when we realize that the version of ourselves that survived is not the only version of ourselves that gets to exist.

Thank you for listening to Beyond Mommy Dearest. If this conversation touched you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to know they are not alone.

Connect with JinJara

• The New Players
• The Ornament
• JinJara Instagram

Connect with Noelani | Beyond Mommy Dearest

• https://www.facebook.com/BeyondMommyDearest/
• https://www.tiktok.com/@beyond.mommy.dearest
• https://www.instagram.com/beyondmommydearest/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to the Beyond Mommy Daris podcast, where we talk about growing up with narcissistic moms, how it shapes your nervous system, your relationships, and your sense of self, and how to heal without shame. I'm your host, Melani Pearl Hernandez.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

This episode is sponsored by the Happy Cannabis. Body products designed to help you on your healing journey by supporting your nervous system with every application.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome back to Beyond Mommy Dearest. Today I'm joined by Gingera Mitchell for a deeply honest conversation about surviving childhood trauma, untangling family dynamics, and what real healing looks like when you begin to question the stories that you were taught about yourself. If you've ever wondered whether what happened to you was really that bad, this conversation is for you. Jingera, thank you so much for being with me today. I am so happy that you're able to be here. And you know, for listeners that may not know your story, can you tell us a little bit about your childhood and some of the experiences that shaped you?

SPEAKER_04 1:04

Hi, Nolani. Thank you so much for having me. I well I love the name of your podcast. Um it drew me in instantly.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Oh good, good.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

I so relate to that name. Um, yes, I'm sure a lot of your listeners can relate when I say that uh when we come from a background where we relate to this podcast, uh, there's often so much within our childhoods uh that it's it's not like easy to sum up necessarily, but I guess uh the the quickest summary would be my life when I was a child um was very presented in a certain way, and my mom was very good at um, you know, parading around the perfect image. And when uh you looked behind the curtain, things were very different. And I learned how to perform and put on the face and the mask and uh be exactly who my mom wanted me to be and say exactly what she wanted me to say to keep up the performance, uh, because you know there were severe consequences if I didn't. And I also at that time, you know, I recently learned about like Stockholm syndrome. And I do believe that as a child, I I definitely had a form of that where I I just really loved the person who was who was abusive towards me, and I learned to idolize her and believe that she was amazing and perfect, and I think that's coping with what what was really happening and making sense of it.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Well, you know, because it's a hard thing. You know, you think as caretakers, and you know, now me as a mother, I think, how could my mom ever have done that? Where it's a little bit easier to take to like bite when you talk about like maybe a significant other or spouse being a narcissist, which I don't think is okay either, but like people accept that, right? When and I I know that you've probably experienced this when I talk about my mom, the first response is oh, but she seems so nice, or no, that can't be true. I'm like, why would I make any of this up? Yeah, like that's the first thing, and then I think the other thing is we um we had um Doug Buggle on, and he was um part of the uh narcissist playbook that the film that's coming out, and he described his narcissistic romantic relationship and everything that she did, and then his reactions are the way he felt on the inside, and they were parallel to what I was experiencing with my mom, and I think that is you say the Stockholm Syndrome, it's when it's someone you love, it's especially it's a caretaker, and you need them in order to survive, of course, of course that's gonna happen. And so that that part of it that that I I have that shame that's there, that that's a tough thing, and I think that's a thing that really stays with a lot of survivors. Um, you know, you were talking about your mom and how from the outside it looked like everything was okay, there's a lot of performative stuff going on, and you've shared in your social media that you come um your family appeared, you know, privileged from the outside, but things were really different behind those closed doors. Um, how did you how do you think that disconnect affected you as a child?

SPEAKER_04 4:49

I mean, I think it affected me in a lot of different ways. Um when I was a child, I really wished with all my might that I had nothing material, and I honestly would have traded everything that my family had material-wise for a loving home. Um like when I would go to my friends' houses and they had, you know, like just an you know, nothing like my house was like we had gates and we had like cars and we had, you know, I had a nanny, and you know, it was like it was a very exact exuberant home. And when I would go to my friends' houses that had um uh like very like not simple homes, I'm not trying to say that, but modest. Yeah, you know, modest stuff. And it was like, you know, them their parents were not screaming and the moms were just being nice, and they were, you know, there was like this love. I'd be like, oh my gosh, I want this. Like this is so much better. And I and I would have traded that all in a heartbeat. Um, and you know, my friends would always go, Oh, you're so lucky, like, oh, I want this. You know, my friends would come over and they'd want to try on my mom's clothes, or they'd want to, yeah, yeah, you know, they'd want to, I don't know, walk around with my mom's purses, like walk around the, you know, like and they thought that that was like luck or beautiful things, and they wanted all those things. And I was like, I just want to be loved. I just want to have like a parent who's not screaming at me all the time. I just want to feel a sense of safety. And so in a weird way, it was like the ultimate form of gaslighting because it's like it's like this idea of like, oh, like you know, in magazines and books and movies, people think, oh, what we should aspire to is material goods, and that's happiness and wealth and privilege is like what we all should want. But when you already also have like um stability, then I get why that could be something you'd also want in tandem with that. But if you don't have stability and you don't have love and you don't and and it's all just like stuff, then it really it really doesn't it doesn't mean anything, yeah. Yeah, unless it's really young. Um, I mean in my case, what's very interesting is we ended up losing everything. Um, by the time I was 20, like all of our homes were foreclosed on my mom lost it all. So I did get to I got to take two and it, you know, it was like, okay, great now. I don't have love and I don't have money in this.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Okay.

unknown 7:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

But I think, you know, I think that's really something that is uh what I've experienced when I've taught to people that that lack of like money control is very common with narcissists. There's like common themes that come up. Now, we can't say that if you're a narcissist, that's gonna happen, but there's things that are very common, like hoarding is really common, or you know, the mismanagement of money. It's more of when people share with me, oh, my mom was like this, she was yelly, she was controlly, and they say, Oh, and she had money problems, oh, and she, you know, hoarding. Then I'm like, okay, it she sounds like she could be a little narky, let's continue on with the conversation. And with you, it sounds like you had that, you had the experience of seeing very normal stuff with your friends, and then that mismatch of having your mom being a freaking psychopath, right? And that is difficult. And for some people, they have like the other parent to be there and to have, but your father, you lost your father at real a really young age. So, how do you think that impacted kind of the timing or what was going on with your mom? Did your mom escalate after losing your after your father was gone? Like, what happened during that time?

SPEAKER_04 8:49

That is such an interesting question. So, thank you for asking it.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:53

Actually, when my dad passed, my mom went on. So when my dad was alive, our lifestyle was a little more modest. Something people actually would say about my dad was you could tell Fred was my dad's name, is a millionaire by his shoes because he didn't wear flashy shoes, he was actually a very modest guy.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

Um, and you know, I remember when I was a kid, if I wanted a toy or I wanted something, my dad was always like, Oh, that costs a fortune, like you know, wasn't the type of dude who was out buying, you know, Rolexes and a flashy guy. And I think he kept my mom as well, not he didn't want her overspending, like he kind of controlled the finances. And as soon as he passed, actually, one of the first things my mom did was go buy a jaguar, which she kept in the garage. Right. You know, my mom, my mom got access to a lot of money when he passed, and yeah, the spending that's part of why we lost everything. Is she just, you know, the spending went out of control. And um, and how it impacted me not having a father to turn to, yeah, it was pretty extreme because I have met people who also have, you know, very difficult mothers, and their father, like I think it's difficult for them because they see their father enable the mom. And I think that's a whole um thing that can be really difficult to experience as well. Um, but in my case, it was just like no one's gonna save us. And you know, my mom would threaten to leave, she would threaten to kill herself, she would threaten to do all of these things when we weren't behaving how she wanted us to, and there was just no sanity. And you know, my mom did remarry. And um, one of the first phone calls I had with this guy at this point, he was a stranger, was I had to call him dad. And my dad had only died a couple years before, and I'd never met him. Oh gosh, oh gosh. My mom's like, You have to call him dad. And I'm like, Oh, you know, my mom always used to say, Your dad would be rolling around in his grave right now if he knew you were doing this or doing that. That's just like a phrase she would say. And I remember thinking to myself, my dad would be rolling in his grave right now, knowing I have to call a stranger dad. Um but then what was so strange is my mom had this way of finding men who just had no backbone and they just they just did whatever she wanted. And I and I know this might sound insane, but it was almost like she had a spell on them, like it was like paranormal. And this who became my stepdad, he adopted me. He saw the insanity of the household, but he too fell under the like he just didn't stand up for any of it. And it was so weird because he was an outsider walking in on it, and he just did us, and he just, you know, and she would go into her episodes, he would just do nothing. Like there was no protection of the children. There was no so it's it's a weird thing because while I didn't have my father around, we did end up having a stepfather, but he didn't help. And then, you know, he he only was there for maybe like five years of my childhood, and then they divorced, and then subsequently all the boyfriends my mom would have, they would all be the same type. These men who just did not have a backbone, who would buy her flowers and apologize when they did nothing wrong, and it was just this I just don't know how she did it. It's really, it's really should be studied.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Well, and I think for narcissists, like that is, you know, for and especially I would say for female narcissists that are focused on like you know, collecting a body count or whatever it is, there is that you see that histrionic, that them uh personality where they're using their sexuality to in order to do things. And I know for my mom, she immigrated from the Philippines. My my dad met her when he was uh a soldier f fighting in Vietnam, and she had a hustle. Like the the community was trying to get over to the United States, and when my parents divorced, my mom used her sexuality in order to get you know her boyfriends, and then subsequently, I think she's still with the guy, her husband that she's with now. And you know, you talked about your dad and you, then you talked about these um men that were in and out of your mom's life and this spell. And I think that for men who have a mother wound, like it sounds like your dad was like, Okay, this is your mom, okay, I'll deal with her. Okay, we had kids, now let's try to keep her contained in this box, right? Like, I know that she might be a little bit cuckoo, but if I can keep her contained in this box and you know, keep the money under control, not like controlling, but saying, Okay, if we're gonna have a future, if we're our kids are gonna have a future, we're gonna have generational wealth, we have to like this has to be controlled.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

Right, I think yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

And so what after your dad passed away, which I'm sorry that he did so early um in your life, your mom was like, I need somebody that I can run over. I want to be able to do whatever. And so they it it's like they have a mark. Yeah, you know, it there's a mark, and and men with mother wounds that happens to, you know, my dad my poor dad married my mom, she was a narcissist, married my stepmom, she was a narcissist, they've gotten a divorce, I haven't met his new girlfriend, she might be a narcissist, she kind of sounds like it based on the way he describes her, but I don't know because I've never met her. Very similar to you with your first stepdad. I think that I think that it is a hard thing, uh you know, being a parent now and being a parent of three bonus kids and my daughter, who I mean subsequently she's only three years younger than you. So, like that that it's hard. I know blending a family is hard. And my husband and I were very, very intentional about that because my daughter was uh so much older than his oldest daughter, there's like a seven-year age difference. We introduced him to my daughter first, um, before I got introduced to his kids, who were all under 18, because we didn't want we knew that dating is dating, and we wanted to wait until we knew that you know, this is it, this is forever, no live ammo, ride or die. And you know, within three months we were talking about okay, well, why don't we do an introduction in a couple months? And that's appropriate parenting.

SPEAKER_04 15:42

Yes, yeah, that's right. Health confounding, yes. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Oh, fuck your mom. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

Yeah, it's interesting you say that because when she met my dad, my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness. So I think like he might not have had a mother wound, but he had a terminal illness. Yeah, that makes sense. He was weak, right? Like he was easy to control. And then with my stepdad, yes, he he was like he was a man child, those be that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

It is interesting. Yeah, and that's okay, you know, teach their own, and you know, unfortunately, there is a um a bunch of narcissistic mothers out there that know that this is the way that is, and you know, I don't know what kind of trauma they've gone through, but I know this as someone who's gone through the trauma of being with a narcissistic mom, you uh going through your trauma. I'm not that messed up. I'm breaking that cycle because I don't want that, like for my daughter or you know, my grandchildren. That to me, it would be that is a generational curse that I don't want to pass down, you know, like that that's that's scary. And it sounds like so you and I left home very early. You left home at 20 and you had one suitcase and you completely started over your life. What was that experience like for you emotionally? Like how how did you get through that?

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Yeah, so that experience was I'd like to say that reflecting on that experience has been more emotional than the experience itself, which I think is something that I think a lot of people can relate to when you're going through something traumatic. It's like uh when you're going through it, you're just like, it's time to go, like you're in survival mode, and then when you reflect, you're like, Oh my god, I haven't seen anything from my childhood from my old house. Like, you know, so I left my home, which was being foreclosed on, my dogs, I never got to see my dogs ever again. That's that's the part that I think makes me want to cry the most. Um you know, we had a nanny still living in the house, and I I have tried to find her. I don't know even what happened to her. She must have been displaced, like that breaks my heart. Um and I just I was living with a partner at the time, he was actually living at the house. Um, my mother was not living at the house. We were actually paying the bills for the house because it was again, things were things were slowly kind of, you know, it's like if a pipe was leaking, like the pipe was starting to burst open and uh it was time to get out. So um, you know, my my boyfriend at the time, he had moved to Vancouver a week before I did. And I was not sure if I wanted to stay with him. It wasn't really actually a great relationship, and I had tried to end it, and at this moment, it was either I moved to California, I was living in Canada at the time, or I moved to be with him in Vancouver. And Vancouver was just easier and it was cool and um because I was in Banff at the time, and so yeah, I packed a suitcase with as much as I could fit in my suitcase, and I said goodbye to my dogs, and I thought in my head at the time, or I guess in my heart at the time, maybe I'll be able to come back one day. Like maybe this is all just a bad dream, like maybe I'll see my dogs again. And but in my head, I think I knew like everything is falling apart, and so I left the house. I boarded a greyhound bus in the middle of the night, like a greyhound, uh, a red-eyed greyhound. And I arrived in Vancouver, and my boyfriend at the time met me at the bus station, and I never have stepped foot in that house again. I never saw my dogs again. Um, I never saw, you know, uh the woman who lived in the house who had been my nanny for a while. And I remember my mom called me and she told me that the house was gone. Um, like the bank had taken it over. And my first question was, where are the dogs? And she said the first thing in classic narcissistic mom style, I don't need you screaming at me right now, Gingy. I don't know, I don't know. Like, you know, just no no no answer about the dogs. Um and uh yeah, so that was you know traumatic. And I, you know, was very like, I just wanted to know where the dogs were because they meant so much.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:53

You know, not allowed to ask questions, not allowed to know what happened, not allowed to be sad, not allowed to grieve because all of that was not allowed. Because and then, you know, my mom was very delusional, which is very common for narcissists too. Um, and at this point at this point in my life, I didn't even know the term narcissist. So I didn't even know what's wrong with this woman. Um, she said, you know, um, I'm coming back bigger than ever. She goes, um, she goes, Mitchell's, which was my dad's meat packing company, which is where she got a lot of her money. She goes, Mitchell's pennies compared to the empire I'm building. She calls herself the white Oprah. I'm the white Oprah. She goes, she goes, I know. She goes, just you wait and see. Um, I'm it'll all be back sooner than later. You just wait and see. So it's like this weird like trying to comfort me with like by telling me that she's so wonderful and amazing, that this is all temporary. So like, don't worry, I'll coming back. But then I also know like it's not like we're and um yeah, so that was. That experience and I I genuinely have never seen that house again. I haven't seen any anything from my past since then, uh like material-wise, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:09

Um, yeah, and then I I did actually end up breaking up with my boyfriend because, as you mentioned earlier, with like patterns and dating, he was he was definitely narcissist, he was borderline, there was something very wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

He definitely had tendencies.

SPEAKER_04 22:26

Yes, and and so that thank God ended. But then it left me in a very precarious situation because I uh didn't have I was penniless because my mom, you know, she lost everything. So I couldn't even call her for five bucks. Like she without she was living in one of our empty homes, which was in a process of being foreclosed on in the desert in Palm Springs.

unknown 22:49

Right.

SPEAKER_04 22:49

So I was living in a closet, uh genuine closet. My friend let me live in her her closet, and and I was living next to a boiler, no windows, like a genuine boiler. So it's like, you know, I went from this extremely lavish to living in a closet next to a boiler. And that's you know, maybe two months after moving in the with the with the suitcase and the greyhound bus from this house.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Um, and then yeah, I don't know where my dogs are, and it's it was just extremely, you know, like I think that's a really I think for people who don't understand, like we talk about, you know, there's a lot of talk about domestic violence when women leave abusive um relationships. Um, we don't talk about men leaving abusive relationships, whether it's a same-sex couple or a man leaving uh an abusive female. We don't talk about that or what it looks like. We don't really talk about what it looks like. We gloss over that usually, right? We gloss over the fact like I think about when I left, I had had my daughter. Um, my daughter's 31, I are turning 31 in a couple weeks. Um, I had my daughter, um, and I was 18 when I had her, and I left home. And I was like, uh, I don't know what I'm gonna do. You know, I I need to go to college, is what I knew I needed to do. I needed to get a degree, I needed to start working. And I was lucky enough to have a family friend, like their cousin um owned uh was like the property manager of duplexes in the area, and she lived in the property manager's duplex, but she had her extra room, and so in that room, I then like put up those um dividers that um like um put them up so that my daughter had her own room in there and like her little toys and all the stuff so that you know of course she brought her toys out, but like she could, you know, do all the things that she could as to make it as normal as possible, right? Because that's the thing. Because for me, what normal was was chaos, yes. Yes, I well, and that's a thing, like that, like you lighting up right there is you knowing exactly what I'm saying, and that is something that with narcissistic abuse, when somebody when they know they know. Yes, and that yeah, and that chaos, and we see it like as I'm continuing my healing, healing like grief is a continual thing, and so I see myself like um making myself extra busy so that chaos is there, so that it feels some type of normal, because like with my husband, everything's so relaxed, yeah, like nothing's urgent, right? And I'm like, that doesn't seem right, yeah. And so I sometimes I've gotten much better. I'm sure if you talk to my husband, he would say that I'm much better than I was 11 years ago. Because what people don't understand is that chaos is there, that urgency is there from the narcissist, so that you don't have any time to think. And people don't make their best decisions in urgent situations, they just don't. Like, even you know, we know that there's emergency situations, and sometimes, you know, there's certain training that you can learn to practice so that in an emergency situation, if there's a fire or you know, there's an active shooter or whatever, that that automatic comes in. But this chaos is different than that, yeah. Right? Yeah, fire like if you think of fire science, you're like, okay, I'm gonna be a firefighter, fire science. If the wind is this way and there's a fire, I know it's gonna happen this way, so I have to do this. There is nothing that I cannot I can predict certain things that a narcissist will do, but there's other things that you just can't because it's just chaos constantly.

SPEAKER_04 26:56

Exactly. Yeah, I actually recently I don't know if you've seen this video I made, but I recently made a video because I I started doing some story time videos, and people are like, this is out of order. And I'm like, because narcissists don't have order, it's like you can't explain it in a linear thing because it's like if I tell you this part, it's not gonna make sense because while they were saying this, this is what was actually happening.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

Yeah, they were doing this in the background, right? Exactly. Well, and here's the other thing that's really interesting about CP uh PSD, and we'll talk a little bit about you know, you learning about it and you know, knowing now that a lot of this it, you know, the the things that you're experiencing is that is um with CPTSD, is you there are large chunks of my um childhood that I don't remember. And when something like comes up on like maybe we're watching a shower movie, or something comes up, like someone says something, or there's a certain smell, or whatever, I'll remember something from that I've never remembered before. And that's really difficult for people to understand. It's because our brain is a muscle and our brain is like amazing, and it blocks and pushes down these memories that are really too difficult for the human mind to process.

SPEAKER_04 28:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

And when you think about it, like you think about a brain, like if they scanned our brains, your our two brains, we would look like combat veterans. Yes, because that's that like it is a war, like war experience. And I don't think that people that isn't it once we can start equating what we went through, and we're not being like over-dramatizing it at all. It is literally for a child to go through that that like chaos, that's what it does heal. Yes, and yeah, um, so tell me a little bit about like how it felt to be able to put the name CPTSD to what you were experiencing in your life as an adult going through the healing.

SPEAKER_04 29:07

Yeah. Um, also just a quick add-on to what you previously interesting too, because like um, in regards to our brains being similar to combat veterans, yeah, we're actually developing, our brains were developing. Yes, yes, and so you know, I have done a lot of research because as you said, with yourself, I'm I'm on the same exact journey as you, where I don't want to repeat this cycle. So I must educate myself every way I can. And what I find so interesting is that um actually they've learned that uh we can change the neuropathways in our brain. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

So amazing. Yeah, you can retrain and rewire your brain. Like so, um, as a side, I got my degree in neuropsychology. So this stuff is like, I love this stuff and the like all these pathways, it's so interesting. It and when you were saying that you want to be different than that, what I I just had a guest on, she was fantastic, and I said, How is parenting now for you? Because my my kids are you know 31, 24, 17, and 14, so they're older. And she said, anytime I get overwhelmed or feel the need to respond to something that has to do with my child. And the thoughts are or I've done something with my kid, and I think my mom would have been really um upset at how I respond to that. I know that I'm doing the right thing, or if I'm about to respond and the response is, oh my gosh, my mom would be proud of that response, I take a step back. Wow, and I was like, I know, right? Like she and she's she talks about that all the time because one of the things with survivors of this narcissistic abuse is there's like an overload that happens. Like I I feel the overload at certain times, and it's not for nobody's doing anything wrong. I just feel it. It's a lot for me, it's like when there's a lot of different conversations going on, and it then it gets really loud, or and then something loud on the TV happens. Like I feel it, but then I'm like, okay, this is just a moment, like let's talk it through. Yeah, so Tommy, how did you feel about like getting that understanding of what CPTSD is? And then how did therapy play a role in your continued recovery?

SPEAKER_04 31:41

Yeah, so I was formally diagnosed with CPTSD in about 2019. Um so I had seen various therapists for I'd say since 2014, I started going to therapy. And at this point in time, I still had a very rudimentary understanding of my upbringing. I was still very much grouping myself with the like I don't want to say like normies, but like with the people who were like, oh, like I'm probably just being dramatic, my child isn't that bad. Like that was your mom. That was your mom. Exactly. So I was thinking, like, oh, like, yeah, I need a little bit of therapy, but you know, she is my mom, you know, like all those things that I think. So I was I was still thinking like this is likely nothing too um, I don't know. I, you know, I was still talking to my mom, I guess, is the best way to say it.

SPEAKER_05 32:49

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 32:50

So once I broke up with my mom officially, that was, yeah, I guess in about 2014, I then the hardest breakup of my life, of course, also the best thing I've ever done. Um so uh that's when I really started to seek intensive therapy. And not every therapist was the right fit for this journey because not every therapist, I think, uh, can understand it. And there are therapists who will be like, Well, did you try talking to her? And and it's insane to me now that I think about it. Um because it's a therapist, and you're thinking, Oh my gosh, this therapist is telling me I should talk to my mom. Like, well, and I told her all the things that happened, and she's still told me to try to talk to her. Anyways, all that aside, it wasn't until about 2019. I guess that's for listeners who maybe have a therapist who's telling them who's still trying to work it out. It's like maybe that's not the right therapist, yes. Um, you're feeling they're super valid. Um so I so I finally found saw a therapist. I had been going through some personal things, I had been learning truths that I hadn't previously learned. I had reconnected with family members. There were things going on that I was like, I can't, I cannot reconcile this. This is and this therapist who specialized, I guess, in in familial trauma and in in things that other therapists, I guess, hadn't specialized in, was like, you have CPTSD. And she told me I should read The Body Heaps the Score. And um she really helped me learn a lot about complex post-traumatic stress disorder. And she really helped validate for me that this wasn't okay and that what I went through wasn't normal, and that I couldn't speak to my mom. And that, you know, because for a long time people would tell me, Oh, but your mom loves you, she's your mom. And actually, the most healing thing for me was to realize like my mom doesn't love me, she's incapable of love. Because if I believe she loves me and then I equate what she's done to me as her form of loving me, that's actually quite damaging and dangerous because then that tells me that that's the type of love I deserve, and that's not the love I deserve. And so um, that's been the journey for me. So once I finally got that diagnosis from a health professional, it really freed me and it allowed me to um have something wrong with me because also I was never allowed to be sick when I was younger. Um, my mom would call me dramatic. I remember, you know, once I broke two bones in my hand in a gymnastics practice and it went untreated for three weeks because my mom told me that, you know, she had just gotten married and she told me I was being dramatic and she told me I was selfish and she told me to leave it alone. And my aunt and uncle took me to the hospital where they noticed I actually had two broken bones. And at that point, and so I I was never allowed to have anything wrong with me. So getting this diagnosis was very freeing for me because it was like, oh my gosh, I can finally deal with something that's going on in my life.

SPEAKER_05 35:53

Right.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

I can put like a word to it, and not that there's something wrong with me, and I know that might be conflict. What I mean to say is like you know, like it's okay that I I'm struggling, I guess is what I'm trying to say. And I'm allowed to have struggles.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

I mean, and that's the thing, it I I don't think that you're saying anything's wrong with you. I think it's it's just like anything where like I know, like, for example, I'm really, really introverted, which throws everyone off because I do the podcasts and all these things. I will tell you that COVID was the best thing to happen for introverts because it's not the same when you're on a Zoom as it is like if you were across the table from me, it would be different for me, it would be more difficult. Just because I think that there's this, like, I am very aware that I'm not in that your house, you know, like I'm really aware of that. And I know that if I'm going to go somewhere, that I need a little bit of a warm-up. Like, so um, for instance, um, my husband's family had uh we threw an event, my sister-in-law graduated um from her master's degree, and we were gonna see a lot of family and you know, other people, other family friends. And so on the drive over there, I was like really talkative, and usually I'm not, but I have to warm up to get to that spot. People with CPTSD or anxiety disorder or any of those things, um, whatever it is, you know what the process is for you to be able to do certain things, and you you just gotta go through it a little different, right? It's like if somebody has a reading disability, they know, okay, if I have to do a book report, I probably have to start the book report, you know, two weeks earlier than normal because I have to do X, Y, and Z. It is what I always say is not a life sentence, it's just a way for you to be creative to do things. Taking a quick break from our podcast to let you know about today's sponsors. Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, does it have you overthinking, second guessing yourself, or constantly on edge? Meet iCare, a 14-day experience designed to help you understand your anxiety patterns and practice simple, evidence-based tools that fit into real life. Each day includes a quick exercise, practical insights, and AI-guided reflection. Start your free three-day trial at iCare.app to discover a different way to work with anxiety, helping you build greater calm and confidence day by day. If Perimenopause has your muscles aching, your stress levels climbing, or your nervous system feeling like it's working overtime, check out the Happy Cannabis. Their THC-free, plant-powered CBD body oils, sugar scrubs, and goat milk soaps are designed to support everyday wellness and help you unwind naturally. Use code BMD20 to save 20% on your order and give your body a little extra love. And now back to our episode. Right. And I one of the things that's really important for people who have this complex trauma is that there is safety, or there's a safe spot, or there's a safe person that you know that you can always go to. My person is my husband. I always laugh. I tell him, if I could ride in your pocket and you can take me everywhere, I would do it. Like it's not his his jam, but that I would do that. Like, he is the safe spot for me. And our home, he's had this home for 20 years. We've been together for 11. Like, this is the only space where I have ever felt any kind of safety. Because that's just the way that it is. So for you, what does safety really look like for you now in your life?

SPEAKER_04 39:45

I'd say, like, definitely same as you. Like, my husband is my safety, and he's so wonderful and loving. And him and I are like we love to be together, which I'm so grateful for, and we just really like each other, which I always tell people like we don't just love each other, like we just like really love.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Yeah, we like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:09

It's amazing, and so yeah, he's become my he is my family. In fact, he's been there with me. We've been together 13 years. Oh wow, okay. Yeah, he was there for me when I broke up with my mom, he met her. I'm so glad he did, even though I'm so sorry he did, because he understands.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Um yes, yeah, it it sounds parallel to my husband, too. Like, my husband's only met my mom once, and um, she made my grandfather's funeral, and not her biological dad, was my dad's dad, all about her. And my parents aren't married anymore. And my husband saw her, and he had heard a couple of my stories. He knew that I didn't talk to my mom, he knew that we were in no contact. That was the last time I talked to her, which was in 2015. So it's about the same path, the same path. And so when I explained my mom, he's like, Yep, yes, no question, right? Yeah, where everybody else was like, Oh, it must be you. Yep, exactly, yes, and I'm like, fuck you, no, it's not. I know that I'm not perfect, but I know I'm not crazy, exactly, right? And and I think that that is a really common thing for for for daughters, especially daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality, because the other thing that happens is there's like a lot of jealousy that happens between the mothers and daughters. Um, there's like this whole hair thing, like they are like obsessed with messing with your hair or doing things to your hair. There's the, you know, uh from my mom, like my mom is very tiny. She's like a tiny little stick, she's 4'10, and that was not me. You know, I'm like four inches taller than her. It is a very interesting thing that mothers of narciss, or daughters of narcissistic mothers do to their daughter because it's not just emeshment or being a fucking bitch or doing all those things, but then there's like take the assault that women have on their looks, just society-wise, and multiply it by a million, and that's what having a narcissistic mom is like.

SPEAKER_04 42:23

It's so true. I mean, that's so funny what you said about the hair thing, because I've never actually really thought about that. But my mom started taking me for highlights when I was like five. See, see, my mom permed my hair.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

I look like a psychopath at five. Like, because in the 80s, perms were big, but she got like that dumbass, like white perm. And yes, dude.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

He got over too, and she got his hair blonde, and she told everyone it was natural.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

That's the thing, and here's the thing that I appreciate is that we can laugh about it because it's like that is crazy shit that a person is doing to their child, like that doesn't make sense, yeah. But it's like hair is a really big thing. I think you know, for me, uh I cut my hair and it's always surrounding like graduation. So my hair was very, very long, like past my butt. And my hair is actually that length now. And right before graduation from high school, my mom cut my hair like short, like a boy short. Like short. And I and my my graduation pictures, like after my graduation, I have short hair and it looks horrible. And she's like, Oh, it looks so good. And then during graduation, when the hair my hair was cut, people are like, Oh, you cut your hair. Why'd you do that? My mom's all it looks ugly, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_05 43:52

I was all like, You do it to me.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

I was like, Oh my god, it's so crazy. No. I know it's so crazy. You know, one of the things that I think is um really interesting is when artists like you, so you're an actress and you're a filmmaker, um, experience things like this. So we had Mark Vicente um on a couple weeks ago, and he did not have narcissistic parents, but he was part of the Nexium cult that had a narcissistic leader. And so he's created a film, um, the narcissist playbook, which I'll put a link to because people can help donate to it. It's coming out in July, and I I think that is a really interesting thing. And there's a oh my gosh moment. But you did a short film called The Ornament, and it explores how children instinctively protect a parent that's causing them harm.

SPEAKER_04 44:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

And so I think this is a really important thing. So tell me why this was an important story for you to tell.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

Yeah, um, so the ornament was a very important film for me to make. Um, it started with me actually, funny enough, with the New Year podcast, I watched Mommy Dearest. Oh, how funny, yeah. And I was like, wow, this film is my childhood. That is my mom. Everything about it. And then I started Googling the film and I saw how so many people were calling it campy and over the top and too much. And I thought to myself, like, it's not, it's not campy at all. It's not over the top. That is how these people are. And it really um kind of blew me away how how few people understood, or at least at that time, I guess in the late 80s or early 80s, when um, I guess there was no internet, people didn't spot speak about this, it wasn't uh, it was very taboo. It still feels taboo sometimes, though now it's I think a little bit more accessible to hear these conversations. It it does still feel taboo. And I thought, you know what? I want to take my experience, I want to do something brave, and I want to write about it, and I want to use my voice to show people and and relate to other survivors and show that this is not a camp experience, this isn't a horror film, this is a lot of people's truth, and this is a lived experience. And how how much more can I explain it than showing people what little kids go through? And you know, my film explores a little girl, but there are little boys, you know, you mentioned it earlier. It's important to acknowledge that um abusers can be male, they can be female, and that's that's something I also really wanted the film to illustrate is that though this is a woman who speaks on female empowerment, who has, you know, the world at her feet, who is someone people look up to, she is an abusive human. And the person who is kind of unknowingly endorsing her is her daughter, and her daughter is the ornament. Her daughter is an ornament to her mother's life, she makes her mother look good, she speaks when she needs to speak, and she's silent when she needs to be silent. And she's been and I just wanted the film to show that dynamic. And though I've changed the names of the characters, and I use like the vehicle of um the mom's character is Luna, the daughter's name is that to explore those themes. It is entirely based on true experiences that I lived. And I was just excited to write a film that I could take around. We've gone to film festivals, we've won um a lot of great awards. I've had a lot of people come up to me and say they resonate. And and it's so exciting for me to be able to talk about the film. And if people were to say, oh, it's camp or oh, that doesn't happen, I could say it's based on my life. My life, yeah. And you know, I know Joan Crawford, who Bobby Pierce is about, could say that. But again, Joan Crawford was a movie star, and I'm sure she had to battle people. And I just really wanted to make a film where I, as a human being, could stand behind it, I could tell people this happens, I could advocate for survivors, I could speak on these dynamics, and that's why I created the film. And because I'm a filmmaker, an actor, um, a writer, director, I was like, well, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take it off.

SPEAKER_05 48:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:10

And the film turned out wonderful. I had a great team. I love everything about it from the acting to the cinematography, and it did speak to so many people, and I'm very proud of it. And yeah, I'd love if people um listening to this.

unknown 48:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Well, and we'll make sure that we put a link to it because I think that uh for me, my experience is really important, whether it's art or a book. Um, you know, uh, I have a Facebook group that I help admin with and uh two other women, and it's got like almost 7,500 women in it that are um have said that they have covert narcissistic mothers. And we do book club every Wednesday. And um the book that we're reading is Jeanette McCurt's uh McCurdy's book, um, I'm glad my mother died. And so I think that those things help people put to words what they might not be able to. Uh watching a film and like pausing it and saying, Holy shit, this is what happened to me, that is really important because even maybe let's say you haven't discovered that your mom's a narcissist yet. By the way, that's fine if you haven't. Like, there's we're not um judging you. But if this film, a book, this podcast gets people to say, Oh my god, my mom does that, and they're talking about narcissists, and you start this healing process, and we have accomplished what we want to accomplish. Like, this is it is yes, some of it is for the healing portion of it. Like, this definitely, since we started the podcast in January of this year, it had been healing for me. Um, I thought I was healed, but it has been definitely healing for me. And that is so it's not just for me to heal, it's also for other people to heal. And intentionality of that, like your films, it's very intentional. For me, this month, um, so we're recording this in June. So I have been really focused on male um men's mental health because men don't talk about being abused, right? It's very rare. Like maybe in a partnership, you might get uh your uh spouse or your significant other or your boyfriend and girlfriend, or your boyfriend to say, Oh my god, my mom yelled at me a lot, or oh my god, my mom was psycho, or oh that my ex-girlfriend needs to cut up my clothes, right? By the way, that's crazy. That, like, if that's something that is a continuing theme, that is not appropriate. And so it is important that everyone be able to vocalize whatever it is, and if we can help find the words, if it's like you pause your movie and say that rewind that that's what happened to me, then we've done our job. Yeah. So I love that.

SPEAKER_04 51:04

Because that's yes, exactly. Definitely hoping I reach survivors or people who who don't know maybe that they're in that environment and watch it and relate is very important and a huge piece of it.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

Well, and that's the thing because a narcissist says two things. The reason why it is so atrocious and insidious in what they do is they they have the long game, right? So they're building up this stuff in order for them to do crazy ass shit to you. And so that when you go and say the crazy ass shit that they've done that they've actually done to you, people don't believe you. And then in fact, I actually have this book by Sarah Edmund, because she's gonna be on the podcast too. She was in the Nexium cult too. And the cult leader, a narcissist, branded her, branded her. Yeah, like and so when we talk, right? So when we talk about it, people are like, oh my god, I can't believe that happened. Why would anybody let that happen? And it was a long process. Like the one thing that I will give Keith Rineri is he was persistent and played the long game. He is a piece of shit and deserves every freaking second that he's in jail because of the atrocious stuff he did. And he played, I mean, who like we as um continuingly healed women are like that's crazy. And we had crazy ass moms. And so that that's the game that narcissists play. They abuse the crap out of you so that they whittle down your self-confidence, they make they say things like if there might be a partner that you have that says like atrocious or crazy things, or says, Oh, we should do this or whatever it is. And then when you go and tell the story to someone, no one believes you.

SPEAKER_04 53:06

Exactly. Exactly. Because and then and then when you do tell, they've already beat you to it with their own sweet campaign. Yeah. So by the time people hear your side, they've already heard theirs. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 53:17

Crazy. It's funny too, is that um with narcissists, uh, so this was something a conversation I used to have with my brother a lot. Um, also when you spoke of safe spaces, I'm so grateful to my siblings as well, I have to say. Um, you know, is so nice. But um, I was having a conversation with my brother because I used to get so frustrated because of the lack of belief. Because when people haven't experienced a narcissist, they can't understand it. They just can't, especially like you can hear it on TV or it be sensationalized, but when it's a friend of yours or somebody you know, you're like, it doesn't happen. That doesn't happen to people. Right. And right I used to I used to like get so frustrated and I get so upset. And my brother is such an awesome guy. I adore him. And uh he said to me, he goes, Well, the reason people aren't understanding you is you're telling people that you know somebody with thumbs for ears. And I'm like, What do you what do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 54:17

That's brilliant, that's brilliant.

SPEAKER_04 54:18

And he's like, Well, have you ever seen someone with thumbs for ears? And I'm like, No. And he's like, So what if I told you I knew someone with thumbs for ears? Would you believe me? And I'm like, I I guess not.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

So that's super, that's a like a really good explanation. That's so funny. Yeah the other thing, um, I had a therapist on, and that she was saying, Um, if because she was a therapist that specializes in narcissistic um abuse and narcissistic mothers and their daughters' recovery, she was saying, if any of the people who told the story that I've they've told me and said, Oh, my spouse, significant other did this to their friend, their friend would say, You gotta freaking leave him. But when it's your mom, it's a different story, right? And and it's funny that you said your mom, the white Oprah, I laughed because what was your mom thinking? Like so many things wrong with that, with what you said, but um, Oprah and Mel Robbins did this whole like disservice to our community because they were saying that kids who don't talk to their parents are spoiled brats, and I was like, fuck you.

SPEAKER_05 55:32

When did they say that?

SPEAKER_00 55:33

This was like during Christmas time because it was during the holidays, so doing Thanksgiving, the holidays, both of them said mean right, and they because they had a bunch of kids who were there, adult kids that were no contact, and I was pretty upset when they said that, and what I've seen, and uh you know, side side story to Mel Robbins is not gonna fix it. You've shown us your cards, is Mel Robbins has had people on, like who wrote the mother wound and various other things. You can't fix the damage that you've already done. The best thing, and this is the thing that I I say often about things like this. We talk, we just um I was just listening to the podcast that's being released this Friday. It's about um family court and men in family court and women who are narcissists who do things to men. There is never a wrong time to say, I'm sorry, you were right, and to stop the whatever you're doing. Most narcissists won't because they have no empathy. But let's say you just have the tendencies and you're just being an asshole. You can stop and say, Oh my god, I'm being an asshole. I'm sorry. Let me take a step back and work on myself. Like you can do that. That to me is a really important thing. And if you can do that, you're probably not a narcissist, just so everybody knows, right? Um so one of the things that you and your husband did was you created, you took the pain that you had and you created a podcast, the new players. So tell me a little bit about this podcast and how you balance like being creative and an advocate at the same time.

SPEAKER_04 57:16

Yeah, so my husband and I are both in the film industry, we're both actors. Um my husband uh was on Riverdale for five seasons and he's done a lot of uh projects since, but I'd say that would probably be the one most people would recognize him from.

SPEAKER_05 57:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:35

And uh we both just love to share. I mean, since writing and directing the ornament, I've had a lot of people also ask me about writing and and how to use your voice to tell your own story. And so Jordan and I decided that we would, you know, let's why don't we create like an acting community online and kind of get some creatives that we can uh talk to and and explore the medium of acting and writing and directing. And so we decided to create our podcast, um, My Booking Story. Uh that podcast is mostly around discussing kind of the background of the craft and like the stories behind the the bookings, because usually when it comes to acting, you just hear about the booking.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:18

You know, or they they booked that film and oh, it's amazing and lights camera action, but you don't really hear about like the audition or how many times they got callbacks or how close they were to not booking it, or like the years of no jobs between that one booking. So for that, it's it's uh it's kind of a fun little creative endeavor, and we also have run a couple courses and and online.

SPEAKER_00 58:38

That's fun.

SPEAKER_04 58:39

That's that's just a fun little creative endeavor we do together.

SPEAKER_00 58:43

That's that's that's so much fun, you know. Um I don't I don't get women who don't want to be with their husband all the time.

unknown 58:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:53

Like I don't understand that. Like my husband's my best friend. Like, I would love I like we follow each other. I well, I follow him, I probably drive drive him nuts, but there's that concept, and I love working with him. So I think that's a beautiful thing that you get to work with your husband. So I have a little speed round for you and then a closing question. So I call my speed round um cheese made and trauma. So cheese mate is gossip in Spanish. It's like it's like juicy, juicy cheese made, right? And so I call it cheese made and trauma. And so you can these are just really quick, um, quick questions or quick answers. So tell me something people would be surprised to learn about you.

SPEAKER_04 59:34

Surprised to learn about me. Okay. I'm sorry, I'm trying to go quick because you're like it's a speed. You're good. You're good. Um if I've already said on my social media, can I say that people would be surprised to learn about me? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I have a statue in Saskatoon.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Really? You do that's so interesting. Yeah. And tell me well, we're gonna have to have a whole nother podcast just on the statue. So tell me um what is your cover um TV show or movie?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:04

Oh, um, definitely the last holiday with Queen Latifa.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:08

Oh, I love that. What brings you joy these days?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:12

My dog Nola.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:13

Oh, what kind of dog is it?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:15

She's a cabboo. Oh, how cute!

SPEAKER_00 1:00:18

So adorable. Um what uh book has had the biggest impact on your healing journey?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Book?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:27

Ooh, um I'm gonna say North of Normal by Sia Sunrise Person.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:32

Okay, we'll make sure to put that in the notes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:34

Um, what is a belief that you've had to unlearn?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:39

Ooh, that um oh my gosh, there's so many that have had to unlearn. Uh that just because someone's your parent, you have to accept their uh their abuse.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:56

That's the mind drop right there. I love it. Um what makes you feel the most grounded?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:05

I'd say a scented candle and a cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:09

I love that. Um, and then the last one for the round is what's a hill that you'll die on?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:17

All's well that ends well.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:19

I love that. That's that is so profound. I love that. So here is my closing question for you. So for listeners who are just beginning to question whether about what happened in their childhood and if it was neglect, abuse, or trauma, what would you want them to have heard today?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:40

If there's a listener that's questioning if it was abuse, neglect, or trauma, uh, I'd want them to what would I want them to hear now or have heard?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:50

Yeah, yeah, hear now.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:52

Uh I would want them to hear that if you're questioning, if it was any of those things, that maybe the or is an and, number one, it could be all. And that if you're questioning it, there's a reason you're wondering, and that you're allowed to validate yourself, and that uh it you deserve to be heard, you deserve for your experiences to matter, that you're not dramatic, that you're not over-exaggerating, and that um it's time you listen to yourself and stop questioning whether these things happened or didn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:36

I love that. Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you being on today, and we'll definitely have you on again because I want to hear about there's so many more questions I have. So thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:50

Thanks for having me. What a great podcast! I love what you're doing because I just think that this topic is so important, especially like I love what an emphasis you put on like discussing narcissistic parents and like just calling them narcissists, like, like let's just not dance around the topic. It's so important because yes, like this is a very real thing, and it's and it's time that this stops being a taboo topic. And like, yes, yeah, it's it's it's time because this is more common than so many people.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

Absolutely, absolutely. Uh, you and I are on the same page in regard.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:27

I want you to write one paragraph about your family's holiday traditions to share with the class when you come back. I've been named female entrepreneur of the year again.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:42

We have to tell the class what we do for Christmas, but I don't know what to range.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

What are you talking about? Every year, we gather as a family for Christmas. We removed our gifts from sandwiches as we drink hot chocolate, we were matching PJs and curls by the fire, play games and sing carols all day long until we finally dig in to a feast of honey.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:24

Just like we do every year.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:35

Thanks for joining us today, Jinjira. As we chatted today, one of the hardest parts of healing is recognizing the things that we laughed off, minimized, or were told were normal, were often experiences that deeply impacted us. Childhood trauma doesn't disappear just because we survived it. Naming what happened isn't about blaming or staying stuck in the past. It's about finally telling ourselves the truth so that healing can begin. Thank you again, Jinjira, for your honesty, your vulnerability, and for my reminding us that we're allowed to question our stories, grieve what we lost, and create something different for ourselves. If today's conversation resonated with you, please subscribe, share this episode, and leave a comment. Thank you for listening to the Beyond Mommy Dearest podcast. If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe to the podcast, leave a five-star review, and share it with someone who could use a little hope today. To learn more about coaching, upcoming events, and our growing community, visit the links in the show notes. Until next time, keep choosing yourself, keep healing, and remember, you are worthy of love, peace, and a life beyond survival.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:50

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