The Aisle Diaries Podcast

Respectfully... You will not come to my wedding if you are wearing white

• TAEPodcast • Season 1 • Episode 14

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0:00 | 44:40

Welcome back to the Aisle Diaries Podcast – the ultimate wedding podcast for engaged couples who want the real truth behind wedding planning, bridal parties, and everything that happens behind the aisle.

In this episode, we’re diving into one of the most talked-about (and sometimes dramatic) parts of planning your big day – your bridal party. From bridesmaids and groomsmen to family expectations, we’re covering the unfiltered realities of what it’s really like to manage your wedding squad.

If you’re newly engaged or deep into planning your wedding, this episode is packed with wedding planning advice, bridal tips, and honest conversations about expectations, budgets, and boundaries.

We cover:

  • How to choose your bridesmaids, maid of honour, best man & bridal party
  • Who should pay for bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup
  • The truth about hen dos and stag dos (and why they’ve got out of control 💸)
  • Managing wedding budgets for your bridal party and guests
  • What to do if someone can’t afford your hen party or wedding events
  • Setting boundaries with friends and family during wedding planning
  • Bridal party expectations vs reality
  • Dealing with mother-in-law drama, outfit clashes & wedding etiquette
  • Whether traditions still matter in modern weddings (or if it’s time to break them)

We’re also sharing a real-life bridal dilemma that perfectly sums up the chaos that can come with weddings – because let’s face it, not everything is as picture-perfect as Instagram makes it seem.

Whether you’re planning a luxury wedding, a budget-friendly celebration, or something completely unique, this episode will help you navigate the dos and don’ts of wedding planning, avoid common mistakes, and keep your sanity intact.

Because someone’s got to tell you the truth about weddings… and it’s not always pretty.

💍 Perfect for: Engaged couples, brides-to-be, grooms, wedding planning inspiration, bridal party advice, hen party planning, and anyone navigating modern wedding expectations.

Produced by TAEPodcast - www.taepodcast.co.uk

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to the IO Diaries Podcast, the place where you find out what really happens behind the aisles and that day. Because someone's got to hide the trade. And it's never alright. With Titsby Your Big Daddy, I'm Sophie, and I'm Joella. Yes, I'm not sure. Okay. Hello! Welcome! Sophie's officially lost the plot today.

SPEAKER_01

It's been a long bleeding day. Has it? Yeah. Oh god. A good day. The sun is shining. And it's joyful. It's just been Easter.

SPEAKER_02

I know. So when this comes out, it'll be the Oh my god, this will come out the day after Will it come out the day after my birthday? Yeah. Oh my god, I'll be 30! Someone's getting out. Yeah, because two weeks to yeah. Not next week, but the Monday after. Have you made plans yet? No, we're not doing it. I'm not doing anything. Nothing? Literally like I've got nothing planned. You're going out for dinner? Well, Johnny told me to keep the day free.

SPEAKER_01

I hope you're going out for lunch or just even a picnic or something.

SPEAKER_02

Something'll happen. So oh sorry, I actually lie. Okay. Um so one of my best friends, Katie, she's coming down on the Friday, and she's actually staying at mine because she needs to go to Manchester Airport and she lives in Yorkshire on the Saturday.

SPEAKER_01

You've got friends dotted around everywhere.

SPEAKER_02

I know, I know. My friends are literally like everywhere. So she's using my house to stay, but we're actually celebrating my birthday on that Friday and going for some lunch. Just you and her. Just me and her.

SPEAKER_00

A girl's day.

SPEAKER_02

I'll drop PF at nursery, go for some lunch. Yeah, and then she'll stay over. And then um Oh, where are you gonna go for lunch? I don't know yet. I might go to all things nice and just oh or do you know, might go to Churchill. Oh yeah. Love it. Really nice. Love it. Have my baby shower there as well. Obsessed.

SPEAKER_01

It is really nice, please. Yeah, I'm obsessed.

SPEAKER_02

Every time I drive past the gym, I'm like to the gym, I'm like just starting after. I know, I still need to take Johnny for a Sunday dinner because like he has not been. What? I know.

SPEAKER_01

You need to get the lamb, the sharing lamb, my mouse water it.

SPEAKER_02

I know because it's so it's so good. So good.

SPEAKER_01

Guys, if you've not been.

SPEAKER_02

And you're local, you need to go. Get your pants there.

SPEAKER_01

There'll be weddings there, because how nice do they?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I know. Really good.

SPEAKER_01

If you want like a small intimate small intimate wedding, it's really good.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, really good venue. Um and then yeah, going to London the weekend after to watch the Harry Potter.

SPEAKER_01

You are doing nice things.

SPEAKER_02

I just don't feel like I'm doing anything with my friends, if you know what I mean, like as a big group, which I usually would do, but it's one of my best friends.

SPEAKER_01

Can you do something in the garden?

SPEAKER_02

Well, the garden needs to get fixed first, the bower needs to put his finger up his arse, so.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no then.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um Well, you can celebrate another time, can't you?

SPEAKER_02

Well, that's what we said. We said because we've got peas christening the weekend after that, we were like a lot going on. We were like, we may as well just do it when it's Johnny's at the same time. Yeah. And do it together. Yeah. So, but yeah, this will come out and I'll be 30. Wow. Well, currently I'm 29. I know good to say.

SPEAKER_01

I'm 22. Unfortunately, I'm not.

SPEAKER_02

No, I always I'm like, I'm 22. Everybody can every time I say, like, recently, when I've been at a wedding, like and I've been like, oh, I'm 30 soon, they're like, I thought you were like early 20s, and I'm like, well, I'll take the compliment. No. No one says that to me. Like they're like I D'd in Tesco the other week. I must I didn't have any makeup on there, and my bumper's on a head, I must I thought I must have looked real horrible.

SPEAKER_01

My age now, because honestly, people have stopped doing that reaction that you you have, and it's such a nice feeling. The odd person might, and I'm like, yeah, you changed that.

SPEAKER_02

I know, I'm like, I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all.

SPEAKER_01

Bridal being old and grey haired.

SPEAKER_02

We haven't actually had the conversation like that though in a very long time. Yeah, we haven't. So enjoy it, guys. Um, today's app is gonna all be about bridal party.

SPEAKER_03

So whether that's sorry.

SPEAKER_02

So whether that be bridesmaids, groomsmaids, groomsmen, whoever the title, whatever the title, your bridal party in general. Yeah. Like who you have as your best man, your best woman, your maid of honour, your something blue, whoever it may be. Mums, dads, stepparents, whatever. Whatever floats your boat and it looks like for you. Mm-hmm. So we're gonna go through a few expectations, traditions, and then we've got a big question to answer. So, do you wanna start?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, why not? Okay. So who should pay? Just because it's like relatable for me. Who should pay for the hair and makeup?

SPEAKER_02

I think if you are wanting your bridesmaids to look a certain way, it needs to be you.

SPEAKER_01

Just nearly choked on my own bride. Because I thought you were gonna say something else. Right, you think I was gonna say that? No, I completely and utterly agree. Good. But you haven't even gone out. No, but that is gonna be like because it's a topic that gets brought up a lot for me.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like if you if you want them to look a certain way with makeup and dress and everything like that, you you pay for it. And I think uh with hair and makeup, sorry, I think if you want, say for example, their hair to be half up, half if you want that say, you have like then you pay for it, essentially. But also as well, like you should know your bridesmaids or whoever it may be, yeah, that if you know that they're not gonna want a full whack of makeup, then you know that they're gonna go for a lighter touch, like we spoke about last week, or if they're gonna wear their hair a certain way, like I know that when I've had my hair done previously, and I've had it done where like it's covered the top of my ears, or it's like been like in my face, and I'm like, Oh, right, I don't like that. And I've taken it down once they've gone and been like, I need to just curl my hair quickly. Um so as long as like they're feeling happy, I think that is also super super important.

SPEAKER_01

But I just think you're getting married, yeah. It's such a controversial. I know it is, but like it depends on the budget, but like for me, like just say for longer. That that's sorry. But like I was like, no, I'm asking them to be my bridesmaid, so I'm going to pay for all those things that involve that. Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm not made of money, but that's just yeah. The only thing I was like, has everybody got gold shoes? Right, can you all put your gold heels on? Wear them for a ceremony, get them off and get those flip-flops on after. Yeah. And it was I wasn't I wasn't specific on like this particular gold shoe, because you can't really see them. But everything I like, I find it crazy sometimes when people are like, you've got to buy your own dress.

SPEAKER_00

I did go there.

SPEAKER_02

I just I'm like, what? See, whereas I I think when it comes to your own dresses and to dress, and I had a conversation with my friend recently, and she was like, But you two have got two different body types, like, but I want you to look a certain way, and I was like, Well, how about you pick the colour and we match to that colour?

SPEAKER_01

Sorry, no, yeah, I agree. Yeah, all my lot are in different styles. Yeah, because I'm I mean when you're invited to be bridesmaid, but they make you pay for your own dress. Do you see where I'm going? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's not choosing the style. I think I think there's making them choose that making them pay for their own dress, sorry, and them wanting to pay for their own dress. So I've got a bride that's getting married and she hasn't paid a penny to their bridesmaid dresses at all, and she's offered a million times and they've all gone, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I feel like that's a different scenario. And she's like, let me just send you the money and send me your bank details so I can send you them.

SPEAKER_01

Why does that group think it's the norm?

SPEAKER_02

But they want because they've chosen a dress that they're gonna wear again. So they've seen it as an opportunity for them to buy a dress that because there's not like a particular style or anything like that, that she's just said, like Yeah, I know, but you don't buy someone a bridesmaid dress and be like, I've got give that back. No, no, but she's like the manival still got theirs and I pay for them. But she's wanting to pay for them, but they've said no. Yeah, yeah. There's nothing you can do in that situation. No, I know, but it's weird. Yeah, I I do understand why it's weird, but if there's nothing Not on the bride, the bride, but I find I find like what's going on here.

SPEAKER_01

Right, anyway. I'm gonna get in trouble. I'm gonna get banned on off ticket.

SPEAKER_02

In terms of hair and makeup and if they should pay for stuff, I think well, you think, yes, that they should. I think if you know your bridesmaids enough and you are wanting to if they're wanting to offer to put something fine, feel free to explain.

SPEAKER_01

Usually it's one or the other, isn't it? That's how people do it, and I get it, because it is, you know, it's a lot. It's like I'll pay for your hair, and then if you want your makeup done, you have it done.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, or people sometimes will go, I'll pay for it, you pick a style off this page. Yeah, like fine, perfect. Or if you want a dress and you want a certain thingy, as long as it's this colour, I'll chuck 50 quid towards it. Like, that tends to be how it goes.

SPEAKER_01

So I was like, This is the budget for the dress. Yeah, this is the colour scheme. Go and pick one, I'll send you the money. Yeah, that's that's amazing. That's nice and easy, to be fair. So what else do we have? Go on, throw it at me. Let's let's try and upset some more people. I'm joking. I feel like everyone's gonna be like, oh my god, I'm not listening to Sophie anymore after this.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, they're not, they're not at all. So, can they express then if they bridesmaids or groomsmen if they don't like something? I think yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, definitely, because you want them to feel good, yeah, a hundred percent. And I wish I'd done more of this in a in a situation. I I agree.

SPEAKER_02

Because I've been the one to just be like, oh, I'm fine, yeah, yeah, like I'll wear it. But it comes across in your photos, it comes across in the way they are on the day, it comes across in their mannerisms, it comes across in how much fun they have put together, and I think it's super important to have that transparent conversation of with are you happy with your dress? Are you happy if we do this?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and as the per the person, whoever's day it is, should want you to say that as a friend as well.

SPEAKER_02

No, I like you want you you want your favourite people to feel amazing, yeah, as well as yourself, they are gonna be your biggest hype people on the day, and you want them to feel like they're best versions of themselves, yeah, to make you feel like your best versions of yourself, and I cannot express that anymore.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. But if you are expressing that you don't like something, just you know, yeah, don't make sure.

SPEAKER_02

There's a way of saying it, I think. If it says something like, Oh, you've got a dress, you they're looking at a dress that's maybe like I think we're assuming like a bridesmaid dress though, aren't we?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. It depends what what they're expressing. Like, imagine if they said I hate your wedding dress, you look awkward. Okay, let's do a scenario. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so let's do a scenario in this case. If one of your friends had come across to you and said, I don't like that wedding dress, Sophie, it doesn't suit you, it looks X, Y, and Z on you. How would you have approached it? Well that didn't see or didn't watch YouTube, Sophie just put two fingers onto the camera.

SPEAKER_01

Oh I'd go, No, I'd be like, oh no, why? And I'd actually ask for the feedback and we might say it just doesn't flatter your shape. I really think you need to consider it. This is an example. Yeah. Then I'd be like, oh right, okay. You know, maybe and if they were like, maybe you could try on something else, or if they were like, I just don't like it, like it's not my style, I would literally go. Do you know what I say? Keep that opinion to yourself, would you?

SPEAKER_02

Purely based on the scenario. If it's something to do with you, and you are feeling a certain way about yourself, not about the bride or groom, if you're feeling a certain way about yourself, fine, opinionate it. Like have an open conversation with your friend. If it's something like a wedding dress. Yeah. If it's something like a wedding dress, if it's something like the way they've got the hair, the way they've got the makeup. Yeah, if they like it, don't burst the bubble. They the way they're liking it, and this goes the same to mothers and mothers of the groom, whoever it may be, do not say something that's gonna burst that person's bubble unless they're going out in a Veronica plump bloody battery. And you pretend that they're not going to want to do that. Depends on what context, doesn't it? Exactly. Depends on context completely, but also keep your mouth shut. If it doesn't involve you, don't have an opinion on it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like if it's about them, it's about them. I agree. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01

The final question go for it. So bridal expectations about hen and stagdews.

SPEAKER_02

What if I'm just laughing because I I know my answer to this already.

SPEAKER_01

How involved should the bridal party be in the planning of of the bride the hen and stagdew? And what if people out of the bridal party can't afford attending the hen or stagdew?

SPEAKER_02

So let's break this down for a start. Terms of hen d'us and everything and stagdoos, they're such a the world's gone mental.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. They are there's no blackpool trips, is there? There's no let's go to blackpool for the day and let's just get the spa day WKD'd out of our head. Like, there's no it's and I I I I'm not gonna be a hypocrite. I got sucked in. It's so short. I love the themes, yeah. I love the little nitty-gritty bits. Yeah. I I did it though, I I made sure I had the pressure and nobody else. Yeah. So I purchased everything. Did you? Yeah. Okay. That's how I did it, because I knew I wanted it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I think if you I think so, there's a couple of ways that Hendus can be organised in general, and stagdo's as well. But Hendus are a little bit more Handus are a little bit unfortunately a little bit more they've got a bitchy side to them.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's gonna look a certain way. Stags stags aren't bothered. Nine times out of ten, they'd like to go away and just get drunk with the friends. Basically, yeah, that's it. But with the girls' itchy themes, it's there's a lot more to it. Usually usually, typically, that's it is because of Instagram and TikTok.

SPEAKER_02

It is, and expectations from social media. So So I think if your bridesmaids don't so first of all, coming back to the original question, is when you are a bridesmaid, you can say no. A hundred percent. So you have the option to say no to being a bridesmaid, you have the option no to saying I don't want to organise your henel's dying to do because I don't have time. Same with groomsmen as well. Whatever it may be, you have the option at any point to turn around and say, I'm really sorry, but I can't do this. I've not got the time and I want to be able to give the time to you. Or I'm just not confident. Or I'm just not comfortable to be, you know, whatever it may be. So what if my bridesmaids don't have time to plan? Well, then say that you don't have time to plan. If there is certain if there is what there's got to be, if you've got a group of six people, there's got to be at least one person in that group, yeah, or there's got to be even yourself. Like, I know full well when it comes to mine, I will be planning that bloody thing because there's nobody else that's gonna do it. As good as you. Well, not even just that. Oh god, do not put that pressure on me. But like, there's no I don't want to put that the same way as you don't. You don't want to put that pressure on somebody else either. But also, I'm probably not gonna go overboard.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, so first of all, you can say no, but if they don't have the time, then you take that on board because if you're wanting a hendo or a stagdo, that's something you want. It's something that isn't actually necessarily needs to happen, it's something that you want for yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and if and if you do want a particular hendo, yeah, maybe you could pop that, approach that first before even getting to the hando, like guys, like this is what I'm thinking, and then get a vibe from the other people like, oh, I don't know if I could be able would be able to attend that, like the finances don't don't match that budget, you know, and then start using it in that way, and then and then as as the bride or s or the groom or whoever, you could then re-evaluate if you needed to and be like, this just isn't feasible for everybody. I'm gonna I'm literally gonna be going on my own Hendo on my own. Do you know what I mean? Because they are they are they are going silly, yeah. They are silly, it's a lot of money. It's a lot of money.

SPEAKER_02

It's a heck heck of a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01

If you are going I mean, uh you know what I've just come back off a hendo. Yeah. And each to their own, but like if you're going on a Hendo and it's themed and XYZ and it's abroad, realistically you're gonna spend a thousand pounds, five hundred on flights and accommodation. Well, I did Paris, I did Disneyland. Yeah, and five hundred differently to you, but yeah, very different. But if you do like two nights, I know it's a lot of money, like yeah. So if you're attending it, you need to know that.

SPEAKER_02

You need to have that expectation. But I also think when you are if you are a bridesmaid or groomsman or mate best man, maid of honour, whoever you are, or bride or groom that's making that hando, I think you need to have an expectation in your group chat of okay, how much can everybody afford on accommodation? How much can everybody afford on food? How much can everybody afford activity and separate it because everybody usually just sees it as one big cost, and they're like, Oh, that's all my money's going on accommodation, it's what they think in their head. You need to give the breakdown of what's what, yeah, and I think it's super, super important. And if, say, for example, you've got only two people that are planning your hand-do, and you've got say six bridesmaids, it's fine, all bridesmaids need to be involved because sometimes too many cooks in the kitchen can also add to the thing, and they might be like, Oh, such and such wants this, such and such wants that. So just maybe assign it to one person, yeah, or a couple of people that you know are gonna work great together or have your best. But everybody's got their strong points anyway.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Like, don't get something out your your the bill on the table. But I know, but I will be the first person to make everything special and personalised. Like we get we always laugh and I'll agree with them, like, don't give me that receipt, tell me what I owe. I'm not just pay. Like, you could cop me out of anything. I'm like, yeah, 50 pounds for a glass of cake. Oh, I'll pay it because I can't be lost splitting the bill. Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, and that's not because I'm made of money, it's because I'm so shit at it. Like, I just I can't, I just don't like it. Because also you do things like this, and yeah, it's those things. Yeah, and that's that's part of having a great friendship.

SPEAKER_02

People have their strong points. And if people can't afford it, then they need to be don't be afraid to actually speak up from the Yeah, and you need to understand that as the couple.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. You know, three of our groomsmen didn't come on on our stag day when they didn't come to our abroad wedding. No. But it didn't mean I didn't ask them to be groomsmen. No, exactly. They were still thought of and we still were there in this in spirit. Like but but that was just it, like lots was was going on with their lives, but also finance, money, yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot. Yeah, I think. If you're getting married, yeah, it's a lot for everyone as well as you.

SPEAKER_02

Definitely. I agree with that. So, in terms of um breaking traditions, are we moving on?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, bridal party expectations. Should we do that first? Or should we do breaking traditions? Which one would you like first, though?

SPEAKER_01

No, go on, go go back to yours. It makes sense to do that. Okay, so travel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry guys, I need to drink a case of cough. Um, I really need to blow my nose, and I can't I can't even do that on that. I can't do that to you all. Sorry. Um, so do you think it's fair then for those who are from far away to travel for orbit orbit, especially bloody petrol in this economy. Jesus Christ. So, say for example, you've got a bridesmaid who is I don't know, let's just take my friend in Yorkshire, for example, and I am like, right, okay, all my bridesmaids need to come now shopping with me. All my bridesmaids need to do this, all my bridesmaids need to do that.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think it's unfair, I think that's just No, it's a lot of money. It's a lot for a lot of time. Yes, you're getting married, it's the most biggest and specialist day of your life, but they're not. Yeah. They're supporting ya, yeah. But they've got a life too, outside of your wedding. So no. If they've said they're attending the wedding in the Hendoo, then they're gonna be there.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

They don't need to come to every single appointment. You need to make you need to make it like a you thing. I agree. Rather than a group thing.

SPEAKER_02

I always say as well, like if you are going for your dress try-on, sometimes say, for example, if you have got six bus bridesmaids, don't take them with you. No. Only go with your mum and mother of the groom if you want to, or whoever, or just your mum and grandma, or I went on my own, it was cracking. Even even on your own.

SPEAKER_01

It was so good. But it just means you've got no opinion. Yeah, no, if you choose a dress for you, yeah. You don't get the upset like you you know, you you get in the professional opinions.

SPEAKER_02

And also one that you uh uh want to do, like, so it's a dress that you want to have. sorry not do and it's something that you feels really strong for you rather than like oh what do I look like a punt mine when you come out oh yeah like you are gonna get that because there's naturally opinions in the room. And I know that like my mum's taste wouldn't be my taste and what she thinks that I might want I might not me and my best friend have opposite tastes we do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean there's a way you approach it again isn't there like it's just reading the room.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah exactly that's why I said earlier like keep your opinions to yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um but no I don't think it's unfair to I don't either and I think it's to turn it down no and I think it's you should understand.

SPEAKER_02

Again it comes back to this open line of communication you need to have it. Yeah um so support how much support so can you ask a bridesmaid to do or a gramsman so how many things can you ask them to do or how much can they do?

SPEAKER_01

A wilder oyster anything it's just up to the person to say no or yeah actually that's a bit too much for me. I think you've got to respect that no or yeah yeah like if if if it's a no and you're the person asking you alright no worries part of you no problem.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah but I am dead chill like and I do I just think don't be so silly with it like don't be like oh well my expectations are this this or this and then lay them on the cards like straight away in the sense of like a a thingy like and and force them to do stuff. No. Yeah like I mean you want them to have a great day as well but it's not just about the day it's about the lead up like if they say no I'm sorry I can't do that fine it's alright yeah it's okay yeah yeah it it's great to ask for help and it you you should you should know that you can ask for help but like I said you just can't be offended by the answer if someone's being truthful.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah because there's boundaries in place for everyone.

SPEAKER_02

Agreed and that's that really open line of communication literally I think that needs to be asked line I feel like I try not to sit on the fence but try and think about it if the shoe was in the other four.

SPEAKER_01

Oh big time yeah so yeah you can ask as much as you like but you just can't be offended by the answer.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So I know we've spoken about dress alter uh dresses before but about alterations as well. Yeah. I think one question that does creep up is like what happens if they try on a dress and they don't like it for a start obviously I know we've spoken briefly about that and touch base on it but if they are getting alterations how what if they don't align with when they're all trying them on how would you make that work?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think alterations for dresses whether bridesmaids or greensmen is a is that deep like just go off and get it altered.

SPEAKER_02

I also think as well let them go and do it themselves instead of this whole alteration thing doesn't need to be done where you're all in a traditional room and you're all stuck together and you're getting your your tapes all done and everything like that. No.

SPEAKER_01

It's not that deep just go and get it done I mean every now and then you hear of the odd disaster don't you it's gone wrong but it's you can get it fixed as well.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah exactly and I think just give them their dress and let them go to whoever they want to go.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah you have to get every every item of clothing on time to get it lengthened you have to get it shorn. So like it's not that deep. Sounded like Squidward when I laugh like even like even your wedding dress you don't have to have a full squad getting the alterations it's pretty boring. You're just getting pinned into it.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. Sorry yeah no you don't have to all line up together and also if touching back on what we said before about like if their dresses are wrong and they don't like them or anything like that like I think again having that open line of communication is absolutely fantastic but if they as from a bride's perspective if you don't like that dress just and it's already like three weeks out from the wedding I'm afraid you just gotta kind of suck it up really.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Especially if they've paid for it or you offer to pay for another one. If you don't like it and you're you're really that bad about it offer to pay for another one and get it sorted yourself without or just say can I sort this out myself it'll get sorted and if like yeah okay fine you've done it yeah fine but if you're really like a year out and you don't like the dress have a conversation with that bride or groom or whoever it may be and just say I've changed my mind. I've changed my mind it's not really my body type is there any chance that I can just return it and pick a different one have that open conversation anyways I think we need to talk about traditions because we love a good tradition and of course who cares does it even matter anymore no 2026 honeys so do these even matter more than they used to so should you ask your sisters should you ask your sisters or sister-in-laws so your partner's sisters to be bridesmaids the only people you should be asking are those that you are currently super close with and who have been there for a second then whether it's a sister whether it's a cousin whether it's a stepmum I've had that before as a bridesmaid whether it's an I've got a mum as a mother and a maid of honour yeah honestly no if you aren't close with your sister you are gonna rup ruffle up some feathers between the family you are no why why are you asking her if you see her once once in a blue moon stupid behaviour stupid you don't even know one another yeah should you ask your partner sister no if you're not close with her ridiculous if you are worried about a way in which you can involve them so whether it's your sisters or it's even another group of friends that you're like okay these are my best friends but I'm not as close to them as I am to say these three people there's other ways of doing it they can actually be your something blue. Yeah so if you've not got blue bridesmaid dresses you can actually say to them all of you can just be in a blue dress pick your own dress do whatever you want but as long as you're wearing blue I don't care and you're my something blue and you can even do them and involve them in things like having bride reveal with them or having a photo.

SPEAKER_01

Who I lived with when I was really young um super close my dad's sister she wasn't going to be my bridesmaid she didn't come to my abroad wedding actually um but she did do my legal ceremony and um she didn't know it was a complete surprise really made her well up and I had her hold my bouquet during the ceremony and she was invited up to do that.

SPEAKER_02

I love that and that was that it was something our small was so meaningful yeah witnesses it can be anything you can involve them in different ways definitely so oh my god I've actually got oh I've actually I feel like you know when the soundtrack goes like on this neck I've got a story about this but I don't know if I can share it yet so I'm gonna hold fire on this one. Um that's no I can share it I was gonna say get out I think I think okay I'm gonna go back onto my text messages to the bride because she has actually given me a spiral for the pod so yeah anyway right okay do you the bride support with the mother of the groom slash the bride with their dress purchases my question isn't about this it's about a different question that I thought of I think it's nice to make them feel special yeah so you could make a little bit of like an afternoon out of it I definitely definitely think it's super important and this is again from my own my own situation is if you are particular about a colour scheme ensuring that they stick to that it's about coming with to your dress. Oh yeah right so I read it that way at first as well and we'd put it in the notes but so two separate complete two questions completely separate the first do you think that they should come with you to purchase your dress no not if you're close to firm so if you like you can say you're right on your own.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah yeah I think it's really nice to get you're just doing it like it's false fun like you're just doing it because you should have like what are you doing? I think if you want to do it if you don't don't have to stop thinking too much into it like you just go off and do it. Like so if you're gonna break and everything independent though.

SPEAKER_02

I am really independent I don't need anyone wiping my bum. See whereas my has my mum wants to come with me and she's made it rightly so and you'd like that for you but at the time me and my mum it wasn't good.

SPEAKER_01

So not having to sit in there making things worse for me I mean it was you know it it it brought up a lot of feelings? Yeah because it also when I was stood there thinking should be doing this with my mum really yeah so it's it's what you it's it's what your situation is and how you want to protect yourself. Yeah if you're super close with your partner's mum get her in like that's so lovely like why would you not do that? Yeah but if you're not so what? And protect protect your energy just if you just invite people who if you want to go who made a rally go who made Ron and it's really stunning by the way having your mum there I'm not I'm not slapping it off like it's gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02

What a special time so the next question is one that I have a spy with which is do you think you need could get a say on what mother of the groom mother of the bride whoever it may be purchases for their outfit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah so that's what I thought you meant to an extent yeah it's got I mean one it should fit the formal attire shouldn't it like we're not talking a pretty pretty woman blue and white dress here. Do you know what I mean? Yeah so it's got to fit the event but also match them and what they're interested in like my mum didn't is wouldn't wear anything formal so she was just like I'm buying a lovely Zara dress and she looked gorgeous in it. She didn't want the whole jacket and structured structured dress but like I said earlier if you want them in certain colours maybe you could give them like a choice of it I have got a spiral on this which I'm gonna read at the end.

SPEAKER_02

Is it something that I've just yeah so I think if you if you have said on your invitations that there is a set colour theme that you cannot wear mothers of the groom do not wear white and this goes for mothers of the brides too or mothers in general any guests in general don't wear white don't wear the colour scheme that you've chosen that that they've chosen don't wear something that you know they're not going to be happy and if you want them to wear a certain colour maybe offer to go with them or also offer to pay towards it or offer to have a family member go with them as well because that can always sway them a sister or a brother or whoever it may be can sway them a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01

So I think yes you can ask them to wear a certain colour you can ask them to be your something blue you can ask them to not wear white I think you can because at the end of the day they're gonna be the main super strict like if you want something blue you know just in general something blue not like it needs to be pale blue and you need to stick to pale blue only exactly you've got to be a bit realistic because not every colour s flatters everybody and you want them to feel good as well.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly so on that topic do you think you should pay for mothers to have their hair and makeup done mothers mothers the groom hey Sophie Yeah no you don't have to do anything but if if they're heavily involved in your bridal party and you can why wouldn't you and you want them to feel special.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah and it's like an again rather than buying them buying them like silly Etsy gifts and you don't have the money you know to do both then maybe you could say I'll treat you for your makeup or your hair. No. And do it that way. It depends on in your budget you know like you could keep paying and paying and paying realistically it's a lot Yeah yeah oh my gosh big time and then what do you think?

SPEAKER_02

I I agree with that one I think that if you if you would rather that instead of buying them like a thank you gift or some flowers because they cost 30-40 quid anyway why don't you just pay for the makeup because I loads of people do the whole thing of like oh thank you flowers during the speeches during the speeches and things like that. If you think that they would rather have their hair and makeup done pay for that instead yeah do it as a an experience for them if you want them to feel a certain way want them to feel valued as a parent or a nan I had the sweetest nan the other week having her makeup done and she was so gorgeous. Yeah and it she just loved it all didn't she loved it she lapped it up like she was living her best goddamn life see this is what I mean yeah like just the experience the experience of it is so different and you will never get to see your nan or your mum probably in that situation yeah giddy yeah yeah no I agree so on that note then in terms of family do you think you should pay for family's accommodation no I think this is straightforward no like what they don't need to stay at your wedding if they don't want to they can drive home they can get a taxi how they get to and from your wedding is not your concern.

SPEAKER_01

No end of conversation for that one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah hit me with a bridal spiral because I can't contain myself any longer so should we do the big question first you want to ask away okay I'll do the big question.

SPEAKER_01

And I'll do the spiral so how do you even pick who is in the bridal party like how many people do you know do you know who say they would why can't I read?

SPEAKER_02

Like how many people do you know who say they would pick differently in hindsight also is it okay to have a different sized bridal party to Greensband so there's two people yeah that's the the last question on size it's absolutely fine it just needs to be like I said earlier those people you can't live without it's the it's the important people that you want there is who you should have in that and it doesn't matter how many you pick it doesn't matter if it's an odd number it doesn't need to be the same on either side we've got on Saturday we've got I think there's six bridesmaids and one flower girl there's one gramsman.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah it doesn't matter and he's just the best man and and if you've got a great photographer they will know absolutely how to position them on the day.

SPEAKER_02

You don't need to worry about the photos and the dynamics of that you you should be picking them because of that not because of how it looks on photo. You should be picking them because they're important to you and it doesn't matter how many sets of friends on either side if you've got more fine if you've got less fine perfectly okay doesn't matter that you are do not try and pick somebody just for the sake of picking it than because it's a number that needs to match I think yeah yeah it doesn't need to matter at all. So yeah that answers a little bit of the other question how do you even pick who is in the bridal party how you pick in the bridal party is who is important to you like you've said multiple times through this episode who is who's there for you who has got your back who is going to be your goddamn hype person first thing in the morning because you need that. Yeah rain or shine yeah like it doesn't matter you know just who you know you could pick up the phone and be like wow I need help right now who am I gonna call yeah it doesn't matter how long you've known them doesn't matter if they're the longest person you've known doesn't matter if they're the shortest it doesn't matter just you need to be a dog if you wanted them to doesn't know exactly matter so yeah so should we do a bridal spiral oh yes yes please um she has said that I can share this actually legend are you ready I Wow morning I've got a bridal spiral for you can I just add that this was at 20 past eight in the morning she'd had no sleep that night is it a female yeah she was also listening to the pod as well um mother in law came over yesterday showed me the dress she was going to wear for the wedding it's the one we showed you in our first meeting white with green sequins on that we said no white and no green she's insisting it is cream not white which makes no bloody difference told her she can't wear it so she sucked because she bought it before we said no green been saying that for months by the way and their theme is green and it was apparently expensive I eventually said she can change it into the evening if she really must and then she asked if her dog could come to the wedding what kind of question is that she was like oh she'll be fine around the food she's good as the dog's tail isn't walking stuff off my coffee as the dog's tail sorry isn't whacking stuff off my coffee table as I'm writing as I'm thinking about this sorry um after I told other half I was done being engaged now just want this to be over I can't take this anymore it's it's too much going on I can't remember why I did why we decided not to elope but it was just the wrong decision. I'm fine by the way this is just a little meltdown from yesterday but excited now the excitement's come back I have since messaged this um is she wearing the dress or has she got another dress? No she's got another dress she's going to get another dress because if not I will not be allowing her in that wedding why don't people use me for that reason by the way why don't people listen yeah so if you have a mother in law a mother of the bride a friend whoever has said I'm wearing this and you don't and you don't like it and it's cream or it's white you have the permission to not let them into your wedding if you don't want them to be there like anybody who turns up to your wedding I don't know why this thing is that yes I'm not a body bounce like a bodyguard or a bouncer or whoever but you can actually be like I don't want you here and you can ask them I need to leave to get them to leave or you can ask me as your wedding planner and coordinator.

SPEAKER_01

But you just don't want that and I would have you don't want on your wedding of course you don't but that would be a last last last resort but like I said if if you go against what's been asked multiple times and it's so evident and clear it's in the invitation on the website. Well everybody else will be like you fool yeah like and I know it's like oh it's annoying me like I really don't want her to wear the the cream and green dress but just let it because everybody else will be like I also don't agree with that. Why? Don't let her wear it I'm just not stubborn I'm dead easy going I I think no if I mean you should know not to wear white or cream like you should but people don't I know and and like I've said it I'm like no no no no no do not wear white or cream to a wedding it's it's the norm. I think what you need to do is send her this episode right now.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god send me saying this you will not come to my wedding day if you are in white cream ivory green or any type of colour that goes with my cream I think she plays it and then she meets you on the wedding age for good girl who named it shamely no we haven't mentioned any names and we won't do no but I think I think if you are that mother in law or mum or whoever it needs to be then you need to actually listen there's a song with him oh my god Sophie's lost the point guys no but I think yes you need to listen to whoever is telling you because there is a reason they're telling you for that and you need them to understand. She's even given you a compromise wear it in the evening she's even compromised with you on that occasion why do you have to suggest that your dog no that's weird just because their dog's coming doesn't mean your dog can come that's the weirdest question no no and on that note thanks for listening Joella go on share share everything where can they find us fab so you can find me at Serafina Weddings underscore on Instagram and you can find me at Serafina Weddings on TikTok and on Instagram and Sophie where can everybody find you um Instagram we've got Sophie.brown dotmakeup um Facebook is Sophie Brown makeup and then we've got a sister Instagram page which is purely for weddings and it's sb.bridalmakeup we've got TikTok and that's again just Sophie Brown makeup. Fab and everybody can find us At the Isle Diaries on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Apple Music, Spotify, and finally our email address is so if we can ever remember this one at the Isle Diaries Podcast. Sorry, oh my god, it's not. It's the Isle Diaries Podcast at gmail.com. We have like cut the show now. Cut the show. I know. I need to go home and get into bed with these sniffles. So have a lovely day, guys. Thanks, guys. I hope you're still enjoying it. Bye.