The Aisle Diaries Podcast

You asked and we answered! All your wedding Q&A's

• TAEPodcast • Season 1 • Episode 27

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 52:59

This week on The Aisle Diaries Podcast, Joella and Sophie are answering your biggest wedding planning dilemmas and nothing is off limits.

From overbearing in-laws and wedding budgets to child-free weddings, relationship pressures and family expectations, we're giving our honest advice based on years of experience in the wedding industry.

In this episode we discuss:

  • How to set boundaries with parents and in-laws without causing drama
  • Why you should never feel guilty for sticking to your wedding budget
  • Whether wedding planning can strengthen or test your relationship
  • Child-free weddings: can you ever keep everyone happy?
  • Wedding trends we think might not stand the test of time
  • £5,000 wedding or a £50,000 honeymoon? We make our choice!
  • Real bridal horror stories from behind the scenes

Plus, we react to one of the wildest supplier stories we've ever heard a photographer who allegedly deleted an entire wedding gallery after not receiving a supplier meal and discuss what couples and suppliers can learn from it.

Whether you're newly engaged or counting down to your big day, this episode is packed with practical advice, honest opinions and plenty of laughs along the way.

Produced by TAEPodcast - www.taepodcast.co.uk

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to the IOL Diaries Podcast, the place where you find out what really happens behind the chaos and pathetic. Because someone's got to tell you the truth and it's never boring. With tips for your big day, I'm Sophie and I'm Joella.

SPEAKER_00

I just think I'm gonna snap it off in a minute. I don't know why it's so difficult. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01

Sophie's not alright, guys.

SPEAKER_00

Today she's No, I do feel a bit better after um sipping that. Okay. We've already done one app.

SPEAKER_01

Recording a few.

SPEAKER_00

My head's starting to pound a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

We'll get you some, we'll get your macis in you after this episode. We're just like I'm back.

SPEAKER_00

I have another one, I had one last night. Drunk.

SPEAKER_01

Give you one again.

SPEAKER_00

Drunk doesn't count because I don't remember it. Is there any like butty shops local? Because I could absolutely smash a jacket potato.

SPEAKER_01

So could I I wonder if Jacket Potato Man's in town and we could go and get one. Oh don't.

SPEAKER_00

Oh cheesy beans. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And the Jacket Potato Man's really good, so Oh really? Yeah. Who's that? Congleton's Jacket Potato Man's insane.

SPEAKER_00

Is that his actual name?

SPEAKER_01

Well that's what everyone knows in Bad. I'm gonna double check if he's in afterwards. I'll check on his thingy. Right, shall we get started? Well let's get started.

SPEAKER_00

So what are we doing next episode, Joella? Well firstly, hello guys! Hello.

SPEAKER_01

So we thought it was about time we went through a few questions from you. So there's I've got around about 20. Wow. Yeah. Um about all sorts. Everything and anything. People have just put in questions. I just thought we may as well just do a quick QA because we don't get through half of them, do we? No. At all. And it might might have a good old NASA from it as well. I think some of them we probably will be repeating ourselves, which is fine, because we probably spoke about a couple of topics previously, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, okay. I feel like Yeah. If we're answering them, then yeah, like you said, we don't get around to doing it, so let's just start. What's the first? So go on.

SPEAKER_01

My fiancee and I have completely different visions for our wedding day. How do we compromise without either of us feeling disappointed?

SPEAKER_00

Can you not try and like involve both?

SPEAKER_01

I'd I'd suggest trying to find either a middle ground or incorporating different elements of the visions.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And round it up that way. Massively. But I always say if things are heightened, don't don't try and solve it that night. No. Like if you're just not getting if you're not agreeing. If you're not finding a compromise. Just say I'm gonna actually close whatever you're using, the laptop, the diary, the notepad tonight, because we're just obviously gonna keep bickering and going round. And you don't plan anything fun when the vibe isn't fun.

SPEAKER_01

And I would also suggest maybe going to wedding fairs that have those set of suppliers. So say for example, if in this instance your fiancee's wanting a magician and you're like, and this is me, no shade to magicians, by the way, it's just what's coming to my head first. Like, want a magician and you're like, No, I don't want a magician at the wedding, I don't like them. Um maybe go and try and have a look at wedding fairs that have magicians and either trying to find the right one or seeing whether you do both actually, or one of you does actually like it for the right reasons.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, or arrange a call with one. Um I I I genuinely, if it's something that's entertainment-wise, go and see them live doing something. A lot of things. I say that about videos, don't they? Yeah, but I say this about bands though as well, because some bands will send a video and they sound completely different on the video than they do live.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So go try and go and see them live if you can. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

If not at a wedding fair. Yeah, they might sound like me when I've had a drink, and I think I sound like Beyonce in the shower. So they hire in the bathroom. Sometimes I go like, oh, did you hear that? When like I really, really give it something what to eat then. When we're being daft and we're like cooking dinner in the kitchen, like sing the best you can the best voice you've ever sang in your life, and we fully, fully try and go for it, and it's awful. And when you listen to the person, like Ethan trying singing this country song, and he was like fully like ha ha ha ha ha in the kitchen, and I was like, and we were literally creating, like, literally laughing because in his head he's having a he was really trying as well. So funny, anyway.

SPEAKER_01

That's so funny, but yeah, I would try and find that compromise like you said, yeah, or try and go and see things because when you see them live, you might not the other person might not actually be like, Oh, okay, actually, I don't want that there. Yeah, that's what I would do anyway.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I can Is this the next question?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, this is the next question. Did either of you ever have a moment during wedding planning where you thought, why are we even doing this? And how did we get how did you get past it? Well, firstly, I'm not married. They're not ring here yet. Let us ask you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'm sure there was. Meaning, I'm still not past. I've found it really hard to forgive some of his friends for some of the decisions they've made. Yeah. And that's like nearly what? Well, we marked two years in September. So yeah, I'm still not past one of them now. And he just keeps saying, drop it. And I'm like, I can't forgive them. The stubbornness. Because I'm so upset for you. And he's just like, I'm over it. Yeah. So um I guess that one comes to the front of my mind.

SPEAKER_01

I can't really remember like I've got a couple at the minute that are kind of like you do tend to when you're hitting the planning stage, and I know this from my couples, you'll hit a point where you're just like, oh fuck it. Like, just like you'll just start ordering either rows of random stuff, or you'll start to like be like, Oh, do I want that, do I want that, do I want that? And it tends to come like a couple of months out, you'll you'll start to like want more.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we see more.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. Just don't question yourself because you've booked the things you've booked for the reason why you've booked them. But yeah, like you do get to a point though where you are like you will see things like that, like, or that and sometimes they can work out for the absolute incredible and the best thing ever, but don't get too much sucked in by social media. Like, for example, one of my couples recently, um, you know those smoke when you do like your first dress and they go off. I'd seen one of them and she was like, Should I just have it? But obviously, we can't have it inside because we're having an indoor ceremony. Should we have it like outside at any point? I don't know when to do it. And I was like, To be honest, you you don't actually need it, like so. Don't worry about wasting the money on it. If you want to have it where it's just a photo of you two, fine, go ahead, do it. But just think about what I would say is how important those things are to you that you're wanting to book last minute. Did you have any arguments with Ethan then? Or what's the most ridiculous argument you had over where I didn't plan him?

SPEAKER_00

We didn't have a seat in plan, and I was pushing for not having one. What? Yeah. My throat's just made the frog noise like yours. You were pushing to not having a seat in the book. We didn't have one, we just had reserve tags. Well, we had two long tables and then the sweetheart, and Ethan was just like couldn't get it together around. Um 52. Wow. Yeah, no, we didn't have one. I didn't want one because of my family dynamics. Um and there was just like I said two.

SPEAKER_01

You did a barbecue though, didn't you? Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00

We had reserved tags for the ceremony, and then I asked them to move them for the wedding breakfast, which was the barbecue. Um, and I just said make sure the reserve, like it said mother of the bride, reserved for mother of the bride, move that to the front of the table so the closest to us.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um so they did that, and I said they can be anywhere, it doesn't have to be like boy girl, boy, girl. Like just obviously stepdad, dad, Ethan's mum, sister, we're at the start of the table, so the closest ones to us. But Ethan's n family naturally sat on one side and he and then mine naturally sat on another. So it was alright. And then friends followed up from those. Yeah. Um, yeah, so we were we felt we fought over that because Ethan was just like, I think we should have one.

SPEAKER_01

I would always recommend to have one, even if you're having a barbecue, especially in this country. Yeah. I think if you're doing an abroad wedding and you're wanting that a little bit more chilled out by it, I think it does go. Yeah. But I think in this country, logistic wise, at venues, I would always agree with the Ethan on this point of view, is that always have a seating plan because if you have got family dynamics or even if you're doing a barbecue or you're doing picky food or whatever it may be, if you have got somebody with an allergy, they still need to know. It's those kind of things as well. And also somebody might not want to sit near somebody else, and there might be an odd seat in the middle of it all because there might be three people on a table of four.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I just always recommend. But I like the There was 25 on each table. Nice. Um and then I did see one of my friend I don't because there was no like names. But he he grabs something and moves something on the other side. I remember seeing that, but I weren't bothered. I just was like, well, I just went to the room. Just wanted to be really relaxed, so I was just like, I wonder why Brad's got up and moved. Um but yeah, no, it was fine. Everybody there was just a high chair for one child child, and there was only one allergy. Not allergy, sorry, one allergy and one dietary requirement, which was veggie, and that was it out of the whole. So I literally just said I don't want it meant I didn't have to do the plan, it meant that I didn't have to sort out the stationery for it, it was abroad. Yeah that was that's what we but yeah, that was one of your biggest arguments anyway. Yeah, because he was just like he was worried that people like his mum and my mum, for example, wouldn't wouldn't get to the front or wouldn't have a nice seat.

SPEAKER_01

Doing the caterpillar tables and if a long tables is quite kind of works quite nice as well. Yeah, having those reserve seat inside. At least you had something.

SPEAKER_00

That's when I said, Well, I'll do reserve tags anyway, and we'll ask them to be moved from the ceremony. And I I said to my like those close family members, look for your reserve tag on the chair, and that's how it worked, but no, we kept bickering about that. I won anyway, so it was fine. Oh, I love that. But I know it at the same time. I was like, I will get my own way.

SPEAKER_01

Um I would say, in terms of how in how do you get past the thought of like why are you doing this, you've just got to remember why you're actually getting married in the first place. It's and you've just got to remember it's not about the day, it is about the rest of your marriage and you two. So no matter what happens on that wedding day, with whether things don't go quite perfectly to smooth plan, exactly how you picture it, it will go the way it is gonna go. And it what is important is the marriage after that, not the actual physical day as well. I think just keep remembering that and why you're doing it. Um, the next question is my mother-in-law, we love a good mother-in-law, keeps making suggestions that feel more like demands. How do I set boundaries without causing family drama?

SPEAKER_00

Just be straight up.

SPEAKER_01

Don't beat around the bush. We say it all the time.

SPEAKER_00

Just say thank you, but no thank you. I don't really want to do that. Yeah. And it's our day.

SPEAKER_01

I and if they're still picking and picking and picking about things on the day and all that kind of stuff, ask your other half to have a word with them. And if they don't want to, um smile and wave.

SPEAKER_00

Smile and wave.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Like delegate. For example, one of my brides given the job of picking out the cake because they didn't want a cake. They've actually got they've actually got a pinata. Have they? Yeah. This is the wedding that's getting in the lake. Instead of a cake. So they no, so they were like, we don't want a cake, we're not having a cake, and then the mother um in law, um, I think it was the mum of the bride as well, was like, You've got to have a cake, it's a wedding, blah blah blah blah. So they've now got a cake, but they're not bothered about the cake. So they've given, I think it's mother-in-law the task of like putting flowers on it. It's a plain one from Costco. Yeah, nice. Um so in terms of on the morning of it's a job like that that can just distract, consume them and distract them, yeah. And they'll think it's the most important thing ever as well. And all you've got to do is just run with it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. But also having that open conversation massively as well. So, what's the biggest wedding trend? Do you think people will regret that in five years' time?

SPEAKER_00

I know we've kind of touched base on this before, but I don't think it's a regret as such, I just think your preferences change.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So, like, I don't like I don't regret my wedding dress. No. But I know maybe in ten years' time I probably might not choose that style. You might make something different. Yeah, because you see more.

SPEAKER_01

And also as well, your body changes. Yeah. You you change as a person post-wedding anyway. Yeah. Um, I I don't think there's any and I agree with that, I don't think there is anything you will get physically from your wedding day. I just think maybe it's like when you look back at like when you're 18 or whatever like that in your life. You dodgy haircut, or you dodge like why have I done that?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I don't I wouldn't say it's a regret. I just think life happens, things move, and things change. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I agree, I agree with that. I don't think also there's a set trend as well that at the minute that people will regret in five years' time. I don't think there's a massive one.

SPEAKER_00

No, because the it the trends are beautiful, like beautiful, they're trending for a reason, aren't they?

SPEAKER_01

Because I think because it's likable, it's and people will do it because it resonates with with them as well.

SPEAKER_00

So Yeah, I I'm sorry, I can't really answer that one other than that.

SPEAKER_01

And I think we've answered this before when we've said if you do do a trend, just make sure that you're doing it because it does resonate with you, and it's not because somebody else is doing it or because you're jumping on the bandwagon of social media, then you won't regret it. No, no, um, and also picking the right suppliers as well means that you won't regret doing that kind of trend. For example, like the one that I can think of is a content creator, picking the right supplier will mean that you won't regret that. And I don't think that that's gonna be a trend. I think it's just another part of the industry now. So, my best friend is upset because I chose someone else as my maid of honour. How would you handle that conversation?

SPEAKER_00

This is quite common, isn't it? Things to do with bridal party.

SPEAKER_01

Um There's got to be a reason why you've chosen that other person to be your maid of honour.

SPEAKER_00

So it depends how much of a problem it's becoming because is an explanation always needed in that situation. You've chosen these people because you've got to find it. But if it's becoming a problem and it's causing com like conflict, yeah, a conversation should be hard, and you just need to explain like I've chosen this person because of X, Y, Z, you are also special because of X, Y, and Z. These titles don't mean anything. No, and you need and people need to really try and remind themselves that. So let's say you've been asked to be a bridesmaid and you're a bit offended that's something you're not the maid of honour or whatever, it's just a title, yeah. You're still heavily, heavily involved, and it's still such a huge honour to be even invited to somebody's special day. Never mind have it being a bridesmaid, being a groomsman, blah blah blah. You just have to try and really it's such an honour that people want to.

SPEAKER_01

Remembering the reason why you are there as well, and I agree with that, and also if that person, for example, like it's not like an argument, or if it you you are feeling like okay, maybe I should have given them a little bit more or done like a joint made of honour situation or anything like that, you can do a joint made of honour situation, but if they're getting upset because they want to arrange your hand do let them arrange your hand do, like let them have that responsibility, it takes you the pressure off your made of honour. Give everybody certain jobs if that's what you want to do, and another way of doing it. But I think I would choose to handle that situation of just having again an open, honest conversation, a calm conversation of like, well, look, made of honour is just a title, it doesn't mean that you want mean any less to me or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00

No, um This is why titles annoy me a bit, yeah, same, because it just naturally there does be it does become this or it can do. I I we've experienced it in our in our group and it is just I don't know, I just like I said, I I I could have had two maid of honours, but I chose just to just have them all bridesmaids for this reason.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I didn't want anyone to feel less of or more than. Exactly. And I and that was me, and that's just the way I handled it. So yeah, just try and ignore the title.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because I've got three friends that I would be like, yep, you're my maid of honour off the top of my head. Yeah. And I just think like trying to pick one it's difficult, it's difficult, it's really hard.

SPEAKER_00

And then you start going again, it it's fine if you do do this, but then there's like the whole maid of honour, chief, chief bridesmaid, bridesmaids. Yeah. Like it just for me is it's putting everyone, yeah, yeah. But that's me. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But I would just handle it with a bit of open and honest communication. And if it's becoming that much of a problem, just have a chat.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because you don't want it to affect the relationship at all. Um, and then if she's been a bit arsy um in any sort of way, then I don't feel like you need to have them as a maid of honour or a bridesmaid, because at the end of the day, friendship friendships do change during your wedding period, it's the same as like when you have a baby or anything like that. Big big moves in your life. So if you could go back and change one thing about your wedding soap, what would it be? I know we've had this conversation briefly, but like if you had to pick one thing.

SPEAKER_00

Um I think the speech thing did trigger me. Yeah, I mean it was still really special.

SPEAKER_01

I just Who did who does speeches and who doesn't do speeches and that kind of thing?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. I do still feel a bit like meh about it. And uh they were amazing, I just but it's one thing you'd go back and definitely check out. I would involve other people, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Okay, no, but that's that's a good one I know we were spoken about that before, so that's a good answer. Um so my partner wants a huge wedding and I want something intimate. Has anybody successfully ever met in the middle, or how do we successfully met in the middle? Me. Who wanted an intimate one? Me. And then did Ethan want a big one?

SPEAKER_00

A huge church wedding with bells, black and white car in the UK. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

See, whereas yeah, that's like my if I was giving you this advice would be if you're trying to meet in the middle of a big wedding and an intimate wedding, would be have the registrar's office, just you two elope if you want to, or have the set amount of people that you would have that intimate wedding with, and then have your post party or go away or do something. Yeah, that's it. You've met in the middle because you've done both. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm guessing that's obviously how you and Eva. And that's exactly how I would do it too. Yeah. Because Johnny's like, I don't want a big whole hoo-ha. He's like, no. I'm like, well, let's do the register's office. Go there, do that, and let's go away for three days. Yeah. If not longer. Yeah. Let's have a three-day wedding instead. Abroad. Um, how do you deal with guests who assume they're automatically invited to your wedding? Oh, we spoke about this one, didn't we? It's very awkward. Um In the nicest way possible. If you don't want them there and your wedding is so so far away, for example, abroad, and you invite them to the evening, the chances are they're not going to come anyway.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like in the nicest way possible. Do you even have evening guesses? No. I didn't because everyone's already there. Did you fly out? Um I think you're just gonna have to be brutal and be like, with all due respect, we're having an intimate wedding, or we're having small numbers, or we've invited specific people for a reason. I'm really sorry, but I'd love to celebrate with you at a different time.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, let's say let's go for a meal and then it's less pressure. Yeah. Or even a drink. That's the only other way I can. Or a coffee. Yeah. It doesn't need to be that fancy. Yeah. Or you don't even if you think that they're not gonna be there because say for example it's like a distant cousin and they've assumed that they're gonna be invited, just be like, I I'm only in but you don't even need to have a conversation, just don't invite them. If you don't if you don't speak to them on a daily basis, or if you wouldn't invite them round If you don't get an invite, you're not going to like Exactly. If you're just gonna turn up because they don't know the details. And also if you wouldn't invite them round for tea, don't invite them to your wedding. Like it's as simple as that. Yeah. And I don't think you need to have a conversation if they're not invited. I think they'll get the hint if they're not invited.

SPEAKER_00

It does it does absolutely take you back though, like you d you do you do have it. People do assume they are coming. Who is shimmed for your wedding?

SPEAKER_01

Can you say? Um if you can't, it's fine. It was somebody's partner. Oh that tends to be what it is. But also if it is somebody's partner, you can word it in a way of like we're not inviting anybody's plus ones. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Which is fine. In the end they did come. But yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh wow. Oh, okay. You have to tell me that.

SPEAKER_00

I know. I enjoyed it. It was fine, by the way. We all had a crack in time.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry guys, can't really say much more about that. Um sorry, I'm just trying to scroll because of all that my eyes are like almost into one. Um what's the funniest or most unexpected thing you've seen at a wedding?

SPEAKER_00

Oh god, there's loads. I know. But this is what happens when I get put on the spot. You forget how to write one down from this weekend. Have you? In our notes. Yeah. I'll talk about it at the end of this episode.

SPEAKER_01

So um the funniest. It's so tricky because I I I'm gonna have to start writing them down when we go to weddings. There are so many. The most unexpected. I don't think I can say I know I can't say this, so I don't care. Um is Groom's speech was supposed to only be like literally maximum five to ten minutes, like that's it. Um the groom did a presentation and then burst out into song. And was he that kind of character? Uh no. And oh no. It was like an hour and a half, really.

SPEAKER_00

No, that's too much.

SPEAKER_01

And they were all absolutely plastered. Oh my word. Like hammered. I think that's probably like one that really rings to like the top of my head that I will constantly just laugh at because I just, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

For me, the m the I the mum forgot the wedding dress and it was definitely deliberate. It was like a family feud.

SPEAKER_01

Physical wedding dress.

SPEAKER_00

Were you the guest or were you doing No no, I was in in working. Yeah, it was luckily like I I definitely think a mum did it on purpose because they they just it was very tricky. Oh my gosh. Um I mean it's not funny, but it the most shock I was like, how can you figure that's like the that's the main thing? That's the main thing of the event, is what you're wearing. Exactly. Um yeah, she forgot the wedding dress anyway. She went back to get it, but I definitely think she did it to cause a load of Oh, that's not nice, that's nasty.

SPEAKER_01

I know.

SPEAKER_00

That's very, very nasty. I was like, Do you want me to go back? And then yeah, it was fine in the end, but that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I was like I literally was like, oh my god. I've seen like bridesmaids for you, I've seen all sorts. Like, I just think I'm gonna have to start writing a list, I think. Well I I had to write one down because I was like, I just forget. Yeah, I'm gonna start doing the same because I'm just gonna keep forgetting, especially over this wedding season.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. We're all gonna I'm just gonna yeah, and you just all morph into one and I wanted to make sure it's accurate generally.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So I'm feeling guilty about sticking to my budget when people are telling me it's your wedding day, just spend the money. How do I stay firm? It's your money, do what you want with it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and it has to be.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think you need to feel right. Justify yourself to anybody like on what you're spending it on. And I also don't feel like you need to be telling people what you're spending your money on in. If it doesn't feel right, don't get it, don't purchase it, don't do it. And also if you're telling people what's happening at the wedding, just take a step back and stop telling them what's happening at the wedding. Yeah. And they'll be a it'll be all be a surprise for them when they're a guest. Yeah, don't ever feel like you should justify what you're spending at all. Um did wedding planning teach you anything surprising about your relationship, Soph?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. What? Where the hell have we been putting our money? Did it? Yeah. R we still talk about it now, but like I said, we worked really hard. How we found that money out as in how you found the money for the wedding. Yeah. Really made us re-look at finances and and budget better because we know we can do it. No way. So in the relationship, we were like, what is what how this is amazing. Like how we found this is incredible. We also worked very hard, but we did all of it on our own, and as we know, I went way over the budget. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we've learned we've we've definitely have like definitely manage our money better since it.

SPEAKER_01

I think to be honest, I can see that happening for quite a few people. It'll either go one way or the other, it'll be that you'll you'll some people, and I please don't do this because like it's I I wouldn't advise it. Some people go to the point where they'll get a loan and they'll pay for it. And they'll do that, and that's how they'll do the wedding, they'll pay it off afterwards, and they're still paying it off like two, three years down the line. Don't know. Do it in a way that like you've just said, like you're budgeting and you know what you can spend and you know how to spend it, but then also afterwards, post-wedding, you've still got that money coming in and you're still able to enjoy life a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. And then I just think it made us we were like, God, if we can get through planning a wedding and like kind of having to turn plans down and budget better and you don't feel guilty post-wedding. Yeah, like we can get through anything, like it was stressful. And I would say that for any couple, it until you've done a wedding, you don't actually know how much of a strain it can be. You don't really know when you're in it, just mentally it's a lot, financially it's a lot. The pressure from around you is a lot. Yeah. Yeah. The pressure you put on yourself as a bride. I certainly felt it. Going into losing weight, tweaking my face.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. All for what? And also you would have felt the pressure, and this is the conversation I had with a couple yesterday was that you'll feel the pressure because you've been the industry, and you'll feel the pressure to have not just an aesthetically pleasing looking um wedding, yeah, but also picking the right suppliers because of that. And this is why I said to them, I was like, no, I'll I'll just go away because I can't pick between my recommended suppliers at all, and also I wouldn't want to cause a feud because I'd pick somebody based on something else. Yeah. Like, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you probably felt that pressure maybe a little bit as well. And I was the first, so again, it's the added pressure of putting on this mega.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. See, I'll be one of the last in my friendship group.

SPEAKER_00

But then that is again, again, it's the pressure.

SPEAKER_01

And it's the pressure middle. Will will anybody turn up? Exactly. And life will have happened a lot. But of course, every and and also because for them as well, people will have babies by then and all sorts. One of them had a baby last week, so like anything'll change. Um I know what your answer's gonna be to this one. My fiancee and I disagree on whether children should be invited, is there a ply way to keep everyone happy? Sorry, but no.

SPEAKER_00

No, because that's a big decision, and they're either coming or they're not. Do you know what to mean? There's no middle ground with it.

SPEAKER_01

You can invite a few if you want to, but you can say no. You're gonna upset though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

If you do that, you're gonna upset others.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So, say, for example, if you've got nieces and nephews or whoever that are page boys and flower girls, fine personally. That's easy, the family just say no to everybody else, and then you can go to them and say yes privately. Um that's what one of our friends did. Um, they were like, No kids, and they're like, but you can bring yours. I was like, Okay, fine. But Paisley was only a couple of months old. Wait, were you a bridesmaid? No, I was a guest. Oh, yeah. That's really nice of them. They because she was like, I don't like children, but I like yours. That's really nice. Um, and we've had it at one of Johnny's best friends. Paisley was the only child as well. Again, she was nine months old, and she got complimented the whole time. Was like, she's an absolute incredible gem. She was brilliant, she was brilliant. We had four weddings with the last year, and she was fantastic at all of them. Um, another one I was made of honour for. So Johnny had her pretty much for the whole day, like and yeah, again, she was the uh only baby there as well. So, yeah, but now I wouldn't bring a toddler. Toddlers are different ball game altogether. So I think the nicest way you can say it is just putting on your invitations.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, they have like little poems and all sorts nowadays, don't they? And also as well You just set it straight from the word get-go, everybody understands that you know you you either are or you're not.

SPEAKER_01

And if you and your partner are disagreeing on it, find that reason to why you're disagreeing on it. Is it because you're wanting friends there? But I can tell you now, as a parent, that those parents will probably want a night off. And if it's if it's your kids that kind of you want there but your partner doesn't, in the sense of like you want them to just not have the chaos of the day, because some people do and that's fine. Have a look at things like a wedding nanny, all of that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00

But don't What do you think about when people invite children and they do separate kids' tables? How do you think that goes?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think have I I don't even think kids need to even be in the speeches for a start. I think they're just gonna get bored and that's when they get riled up. So if you are gonna do a separate full kids table, do a separate room that they can just exit and go to because they'll wanna sit with family. They'll wanna they'll behave better for mum and dad.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Rather than on a table where they can terrorise people. It sounds a great idea. But it's not. No. Whereas if you've got a separate room but you don't just get the adults to leave them in that room, like that's a place that they can all go and play together. Adults need to be responsible for their own children if they're taking them to a wedding. You can't just dump them on somebody else. When it's a couple, it's a different story because they're physically getting married. Like, for example, if it's when it when it does come the time for me and Johnny, I will probably look at getting childminder or nanny for Paisley because I don't want that to fall on my mum and dad.

SPEAKER_00

Always stick with the person you hire, or naturally with I'll get somebody that she knows. Yeah. Because I've again done weddings and they've done that. But then I've seen weddings.

SPEAKER_01

or and getting them excited so that when they do meet them, they're like greeted with a hug and that kind of stuff. Finding the right profession professional for that can work really well. And I also think as well, you'll find sometimes that say, for example, if it is your mum or if it is a parent that has got that child, you're like, Where's my child? Mum's not got a where the hell is she? Like it it because they just want to enjoy the day as well, so don't put that pressure on them. So if it is like your kids, have a look at an alternative, like in terms of bringing in a child minder, somebody from nursery that you can maybe pay for the day. Um something like that, somebody that they're familiar with, but if it is other people's children, if your partner is thinking that their friends are gonna want to have their children there, find out why. Is it because their family are gonna be there so they can't have child care? But nine times out of time. Yeah, they'll probably want an adult free nine. Yeah. We've got a wedding next year in York, and um Abby, one of my best friends who's getting married, she's like, It's no kids. I was like, fine, thanks. I'll happily go to York for three days.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, love York.

SPEAKER_01

Um my dad will just have a but yeah, just if you're disagreeing on why, find out the reason why, and then try and find a solution for that. We're just giving you a couple of keeping a few people happy and things like that. So, what are three wedding expenses you think are genuinely worth the money and three that aren't? Food, alcohol, entertainment are the three that are worth it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And video.

SPEAKER_01

And decor.

SPEAKER_00

Videographer for me.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna say food and drink together, it's actually cater inside. I'm gonna say decor and entertainment, and I'm gonna say photo and video.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think the things that aren't in my eyes are horse and carriage.

SPEAKER_00

And I think a car, just a wedding car in general, like it it's a put the beautiful, yeah. But I don't always think the necessary.

SPEAKER_01

Not if you're at we've said this before, not if you're at a physical venue.

SPEAKER_00

If you're going off for a drive for 20 minutes. But even like if you're doing the whole traditional, I just I think you could put your money elsewhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Just jump just put a ribbon on someone else's car and we did that like the other week to a photographer, so he had a white Tesla and we put the ribbon on it and he took the the bride and bride. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Anyway, that I know people have their own.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm gonna probably say something that I don't like magicians. Don't you? No. I've had I think 'cause I've had my fair share of photo beers. But I do have something that I really like. I w I have some that I really, really like, but I have some that I'm just like Yeah when they show up, I'm just like, oh no.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. No, for me it's just photo beers. I just think they've won the day for dawn. We've had that, yeah. We've said that.

SPEAKER_01

There are three anyway. Um Have you ever received a wedding gift that left you completely speech speechless soaf?

SPEAKER_00

No, we didn't do wedding gifts. Did you not? No. Fab. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01

That was a nice easy question. I can't answer that anyway. I'm not married.

SPEAKER_00

Our wedding gift was then being there, flying out. So there we go.

SPEAKER_01

How do you stop comparing your wedding plans to everything you see on social media?

SPEAKER_00

Unfollow. Mm-hmm. Unfollow the pages once you've found what you need to find. So if it's a dress, for example, you've bought your dress, unfollow. Don't need to see any more.

SPEAKER_01

No. Change your algorithm on your Instagram as well. So now you can do that in your settings when you can pick what you want to follow.

SPEAKER_00

Say it all the time. I had a bride at the weekend, she was not regretting a dress, but she's like, I just keep seeing so many different styles. I was like, get your phone now and unfollow them all. I was like, because I'm telling you now, you're gonna feel and look beautiful in the one you've chosen, yeah, and your brain's just getting carried away because you're seeing more and more options. Yeah. So yeah. And just not listening to the devil on your shoulder. Yeah. Like, think about how you felt when you're chosen, which is excited, probably, and oh my gosh, I can't wait for the day to experience what it is you've ever, whatever it is you've booked.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, just just remember why you've done it. Exactly. Remember why you've done anything and chosen any single and the stop once you have got all of your stuff. Like, yes, you're in that wedding bowl, just but just enjoy being engaged, stop looking at Pinterest and oh I could do this, I could do that. Ticket off, done, unfollow, like you said. Um what's your opinion on destination weddings? Dream experience or logistical like nightmare. I know obviously you'll say dream.

SPEAKER_00

No, well it is both. It was so stressful still. Yeah, I'm dead. I'm a realist about it. Like I took nine cases, like it was a lot. Three some away while you were there. Yeah, it's both. It's it's an absolute an amazing experience when you're there, like something you'll never be able to explain.

SPEAKER_01

You'll take more than you think because you'll pack everything. It's like you're packing your whole house into a box, basically, and moving.

SPEAKER_00

And if you forget something, you're forgetting it. There's no going back.

SPEAKER_01

No, but if you forget something, you do forget something, you can't change it.

SPEAKER_00

No, and also we did forget a couple of things, but the guests that hadn't flown out, we arranged for them to pick it up and to bring it over. You what you sort it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you go and logistics, you can only think about so much. So, my advice in that would be look at a destination wedding planner.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, organ be as organised as you possibly can. I took photos of everything I want laid out because I was frightened of the language barrier. I guess everyone was laughing at me saying I was being extreme. But it worked, but it worked. There's no questions because there was a photo of the table layout, there was a photo of how I wanted my napkins to be folded, there was a photo of all sorts.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. All the little details, you just gotta like prep. You have, yeah. Be organised. And then it won't be a logistical nightmare. Yeah. My partner is amazing, but completely uninterested in planning the wedding. Should I be concerned or is this normal?

SPEAKER_00

No, it's normal. Some you might find you you've you lose interesting elements of it too, and that's normal. Yeah. You know, sometimes you don't even want anyone to ask you how's it going? Because you're just sick of talking about it. Yeah. As much as it's so exciting, you do hit walls and you do experience this in waves. Yeah. So no, you are normal. No, I agree.

SPEAKER_01

And also, like, some people do, like, it's just not their competition and it's absolutely fine. As long as you agree on everything, and the reason why you've done everything is because the two of you like it and it is because the way that you want it, fine. But if it's uninterested, just try and maybe get things that they are interested in as part of the wedding. Yeah. Um, and include things that they're interested in as well. If you were planning a wedding today with an unlimited putchet, what would be the first thing you'd splonge on? Did I say sponge?

SPEAKER_00

I meant splurge. Splurge. Food and entertainment.

SPEAKER_01

Would be the first thing. Yeah. I know who you'd bug.

SPEAKER_00

Function band. Yeah, I would. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. Because it just you're putting on the biggest part. I know it's your day, and it is, and we always talk about it, has to be your choice, and you have to remember why you're doing it. It's your biggest part. It's the biggest part of your life you're ever gonna throw. That that it is. 100%. And guests are showing up for that. Yeah. I know they're showing up to support you, but they can't wait for a drink, they can't wait to let their hair down, big time. And they can't wait to have a good bloody dance on the dance floor.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So get that entertainment and make it fucking unreal because that's what they'll remember. Yeah, I agree. Sober un or drunk, that is what they'll remember.

SPEAKER_01

Big time. Um and obviously I most people are foodies.

SPEAKER_00

They love food.

SPEAKER_01

I would say food open bar. If it was unlimited for me, I'd say the food and open bar, yeah, big time. Um, I'd tell them to those sort of non-alcoholic Johnny Postel and Animal's alcohol anymore.

SPEAKER_00

Well, that's what would frighten me, which is why we only did an hour. Well, that is X amount for the bar. Yeah. Because my friends are drinkers. Yeah. I want me to get to the night and see the surprise firework. Yeah. Um, so yeah, when that runs out, it runs out. And they came over to me and Ethan when we were having our dinner and said it's run out, would you like to put any more? I said no. No. Ethan was considering it. I said no, we've spent enough. I said, no, we've put a lot behind there. Yeah. And it's gone within 45 minutes. It's gone. Yeah. That is why we've only done that amount because they've drank that. In 45 minutes. Big time. And there was a lot.

SPEAKER_01

I would also say flowers would be my Would it? I love a floral display. I love I'm very heavy on. Yeah. I know that that's going to be something that'd come up with. I'm heavy on decor. That's me. But that's the same. Yeah. Like, I know full well that it's going to come up when me and Johnny Dooney's going to be like, why are you spending that much on flowers? And I'll be like, Because honestly, trust me, but if you're not feeling a very I know the smell. The smell when when you have fresh flowers, it eventually If I could fly over a particular florist, a particular two florists in general, I actually would. But like I know that that wouldn't be possible.

SPEAKER_00

No, the logistics of it all. It cost me a fucking notching as well. For me, I'd have like my absolute insp like the makeup artist would be like the person I always look up on, and yeah, I'd have them. You'd be there anyway, let's be honest.

SPEAKER_01

But for me, like I would I would I'd be like, so if you're doing it no matter what, there's no there's nobody.

SPEAKER_00

I'd love to.

SPEAKER_01

It's already decided you don't even know it yet. Um what's one piece of marriage advice you've received that you actually think is overrated? Um It's not marriage advice, but I hate the expectation of when you're married, oh no, you can have kids. Yeah, and the pressure on the day. And the pressure of oh, so when you're having a baby. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't ask just don't ask somebody else. That's quite a nice one. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't ask the pressure, don't don't add to the pressure, just don't ask them the question. Like, no, we're not living in the 1930s when you get married and then you're expect like you don't live together, you get married, then you have a baby, and it's not that way anymore. Yeah. People have a baby before they're married.

SPEAKER_00

I hate like negative Nellies where they're like Is it feel any different? Yeah. And you're Like that's just absolutely shit on my parade, to be honest. Yeah. And actually, yeah, we did feel different after the wedding, and I've spoken about this before. Yes, it might have been a bubble, but we were buzzing. Yeah. Buzzing. So like when when you get the old school, oh it don't feel any different, does it? I always go, actually, it really did. Yeah. Now it doesn't. Now we're well we're happily married. Over time it did, and I I speak to my friend about it and she says I can really relate to that. Yeah. Well, it like I said, it might have been excitement, the come down, the memories, the blues, the buzz, everything. But we really did feel different. And that's a good thing. Yeah. In a nice way. Yeah. I would say that. But that that, yeah, what you said about the child thing, that is I'm up there with that.

SPEAKER_01

Because you just don't know what somebody else is going through. So just don't just stop asking the question, to be truthfully honest. Yeah. Um after all of your planning. So this one's actually to you says, Sophie, after all the planning that you did, the pressure, expectations, what do you think the secret is to having a wedding day that you genuinely enjoyed?

SPEAKER_00

Um reducing your expectation. So try not to set the bar too high and just be present. Be in the moment. Um yeah, don't those things that might have gone wrong, don't let it eat you up. Because things will happen. Yeah. I say that quite a lot. Just be in the moment, just just enjoy it all. Ride ride out the emotion. If you're teary all morning, just just go with it. Agree. Just let your emotions be what they're doing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

If you need to cry, you need to cry.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Everyone else will be. I know. I let out that bark, didn't I, as soon as I got to the altar. Because I was like laughing and crying at the same time, and I went actually. Yeah, I never not spoken about that. No! I was like laughing and then getting a bit teary as we were doing our vowels, and then this weird I think I have spoken about it. You haven't? This weird bark came out, and everyone and I just looked at everyone and everyone was like, ah! And even was like, even went, what was that? I was like, I don't know. But I literally went, but at least it broke the tension. Yeah, I mean everyone was laughing. I thought, oh my god, what's just happened to you? Was this at Ingrease that was you didn't even do when you'd signed the legal baby? No, that he was getting dead emotionally at that bit, and I kicked him and said it's not the real day. But you still celebrate it as an anniversary, no, but no, it was while Terry at um Stopport Town Hall, whereas I was just like really excited because I said in my head, this wasn't the wedding, even though legally it was, this wasn't the wedding, like deal deal with that in Santorini. He couldn't help himself, bless him. But yeah, in Santorini, when I did that bark, I was like, what the fuck has just happened? But I remember looking at Lisa chopped into a little clip and she barking for social media. I literally like looked at the front row and I was like, Please tell me Matt has got that on video.

SPEAKER_01

He probably has. Oh my god, we need to ask it. It was like a full-on bark. It was way. Oh Matt, if you're listening to this, please send us a clip of like somebody actually barking at the end of the aisle.

SPEAKER_00

But he was like, Well, at least the one, what was that? And I looked at everyone and was like, oh my god. When you got to the top of the aisle, no, when we were doing our vows, and obviously I was getting away. Oh okay, oh my god, so you literally were at the top of the aisle.

SPEAKER_01

He was like, Oh serious, and it's weird noise. I think we need to ask him. So our final and last question is would you rather have a £5,000 wedding or a £50,000 honeymoon or vice versa? I would say spend the £55,000 on your wedding but incorporate the honeymoon into it. That's a big budget. It is a big budget. But then also as well, like one of our friends previously did a wedding for five grand and did an incredible job. It was 27 people, and it was one of the best weddings I've ever been to, truthfully honest. With an open bar. Yeah. They only put a grand behind the bar, but it was in Gibraltar, and we only went through half of it and we were all absolutely steaming.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because the drink was so cheap.

SPEAKER_00

Because you don't need 55 grand honeymoon, but then if you're traveling for six months then you would do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So it depends. It does. And that you can if you were to do an abroad wedding and like the memories we have from our wedding day.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'd I'd probably spend it on the wedding. I don't know, but then the memories we have on our honeymoon, but it didn't cost that much. I don't know. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? That's hard. I can't answer that. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01

I would probably cut out the family drama and just elope and then go on the holiday. Make memories of the three of us. I couldn't get six months off work, so No, neither could I Sorry, can't do your wedding. I'm on a six-month break from wedding season.

SPEAKER_00

Do you um have a bridal spiral? I don't, but you do. I do come from uh not my experience, so a bridal trial that I did and they told it me. Okay and I was like, do you mind if I bring this up because this is like appalling? Okay. So they knew somebody who got married and bought this photographer.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And the couple hadn't paid for the photographer's supplier's meal. I don't know what happened with it. Like I said, I I don't I only heard a little bit of the story. Why did they get married? I don't know, I don't know. Okay. My bride is a scouser. Okay. So I'm assuming her friends are scousers too. Yeah. So this photographer was seething that he was starving, he didn't have a break and didn't have a meal. Okay. So because he was so angry, no, it's shocking, he deleted the whole album and cleared off. What? Yeah. That's exactly how I reacted when they told me I went, pardon. So all because they didn't have a me he didn't have a meal.

SPEAKER_01

Also, I'm not being funny, but I mentioned my supplier meal in my final details again. It's because people don't read the contract, so I always make sure, so I'm not being funny, but that also falls on you as a photographer, you should actually remind the couple.

SPEAKER_00

Well because most of the people that there's no more to it, because to me that sounds so extreme. That sounds ridiculously extreme. I know. So I like I said, I only heard they didn't they didn't tell it say anything else to it.

SPEAKER_01

But I if if that is the only thing that has happened, I'm not being funny, but the photographer should have just brought it up with catering and gone and gone to the venue and said, I'm really sorry, but they've missed off my supply meal. Is there any chance I can just have something? And if not, then spoken to if there wasn't a wedding planner there, spoke to the coordinator on the day and say, Look, is there any chance that I can go and get some food? Do you mind me just leaving the venue? I'll be like an hour, half an hour. If it's in the middle of nowhere, you're probably gonna be an hour. Yeah. Or is there any way that somebody could nip out and get me some food? Yeah, or can I pay? Or can I pay and then we'll sort it with a couple after? Yeah, and I'll sort it with the couple after. Like I said all the time.

SPEAKER_00

In that sort of better solutions, but you deliver all the photos. Like I said, I feel like there must have been more to it because that is brutal. But Isla was like, I need to bring this up on the podcast because that is awful. That's really bad. I actually have no words. I know it's bad, isn't it? Sad as well, because they obviously have missed all the photos. So they've got nothing. Well of what he shot, yeah. Up until that point.

SPEAKER_01

So he just left?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I don't know the end of the story. I just I just know that he they he deleted all the photos.

SPEAKER_01

I'm really sorry.

SPEAKER_00

I know. I was like, he must have been very cross. Like I'm not being funny, but put your put your big pants on and just get on with your day. Like, I'm sorry, but if you're not sure.

SPEAKER_01

Like, if I had no food, I'd just get on with it.

SPEAKER_00

I know, yeah. Well you'd just go out, wouldn't you, and say I'm But it also falls on you. I know. So yeah, that was the bridal spiral.

unknown

Well that's there.

SPEAKER_01

So on that note, Joella, where can everybody find us? Um at the Isle Diaries Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and then our email address, Sophie, is the I Your Diaries Podcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00

Fab, and where can everybody find you? Um TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, we've got Sophie.brown.makeup, and then the sister page, SB.bridalmakeup.

SPEAKER_01

Fab, and mine is at seraphina weddings underscore on Instagram and at seraphina weddings underscore. Please don't forget to review us! Yeah. Great dog.

SPEAKER_00

Thanks so much, guys.

SPEAKER_01

Love you.