Don't Piss Me Off Podcast

Situationships, Undefined Energy, and Emotional Limbo

• DPMO • Season 1 • Episode 8

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0:00 | 37:15

Welcome back to Don’t Piss Me Off — your favorite group chat turned podcast, hosted by Bryana & Yuri.

In Episode 8, we’re calling out the gray area of modern dating — the dreaded situationship. You know… when you’re doing all the relationship things without the relationship clarity. 😩

This one’s for anyone who’s “not single, not taken — just tired.”

Sip on this...

1.5 oz St-Germain Elderflower Liqueur
2-3 oz Prosecco
1-2 oz Soda Water
8-10 Fresh Mint Leaves
1 Lime Wedge

SPEAKER_01

Like, I just need somebody that look good, listen, we we key key and get in the sheets afterwards. They have an agreement, but she don't want him to love that bitch. And and she's also like a closet lesbian, so she's got this girlfriend that she like you can go fuck somebody, but you can't fall in love with nobody.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly. Told your wife to eat my coochie if you won't be back so bad. I just want to preface this by saying we are not encouraging you bitches to go jump into situationships or make excuses. Not the one the one you're in. What we are saying is this episode is for someone who is maybe stuck in the gray area, maybe not taken, maybe not feeling secure, but feeling like you're in a relationship without being in a relationship. Welcome to Don't Piss Me Off podcast. If you like Black Girl Brilliance, Unfiltered Opinions, baby, you are in the right place. My name is Brianna.

SPEAKER_01

My name is Yuri. Last week you were with us talking about choosing versus being chosen. Today we're gonna talk about my specialty: situation ships. Take it back. I don't want the title, I don't want to be the boss. Everybody expert. But in 2026, everything's a situation ship. Unfortunately, I don't wish it up on anybody, but it is. I feel like for me, this is what I'm dealing with. What has your experience been like with situationships? How would you even define that nowadays? You know what?

SPEAKER_04

I kind of don't mind situationships because I don't have to be accountable. Because you be playing around. You're in a certain stuff. I'm fucking playing, bitch. I ain't gonna even lie. Um, but that's because like when I care, I care very deeply. And I think it takes a lot of intention for you to show me that you are worthy of me um peeling back the onion, peeling back the layers, giving you a big part of me because I'm so loyal. I'm a Libra. Like, I'm I'm I'm loyal, I'm very loving, I love all things beautiful, I love balance, I love when there's mutual feelings, I love when there's just all of the things. I love being adorned, I love being treated kindly and generous and all of that. So, like when I really am serious about somebody, I go big. So for me, situationships, are they ideal? No. Am I settling for them?

SPEAKER_01

Maybe. Are you enjoying them because you're not finding all these other things that you described and the depth that you need? I think I'm enjoying them because I have no dog in the fight.

SPEAKER_04

Meaning I know this is going nowhere. So I have already wired myself not to even fall deep. Already. You get what I'm saying? I'm not someone who falls deep. No. Like I, and I would love to be one of those girls that are that's like always fucking in love. But I'm just not that kind of girl. I would love to be her. That shit looked fun. Like, oh my God, you love every nigga you get with. Damn, this shit lit. You know, but for me, I have such big boundaries. I and the way that I compartmentalize certain men, it just is what it is. So, situationships right now in my life, I'm not saying that I want them forever. I'm not saying that I'm intentionally trying to attract them, but I am saying if there's someone that I enjoy spending time with, but I know it's going nowhere. But sometimes you just want male company or male energy or just someone that's a good time and there's no pressure. I love having a good time with no pressure. I love being like, oh, this motherfucker knows how to court me. We go to the right spots at the right time. We have a great time, and then we, you know, have a good night, and that's it. Like sometimes I don't need all of that other shit. I don't, not always, especially if I've had like a long week or I'm going through like right now, I'm going through shit with family. Like, you know how yo life looks great, but then you're dealing with other things where it's like this imbalance of, oh, your career's up here right now, but then like family stuff is happening and it's down here. Sometimes you don't need that added layer of a partner. Sometimes you just want a friend who looks fucking good and who know how to fuck. So sometimes that just be enough. No, like I just need somebody that looks good, listen, we we kiki and get in the sheets afterwards.

SPEAKER_01

Do situationships have an expiration date? They do, unfortunately. Because somebody always gets heard. Does somebody say something? We just let that shit die out. Like it's like, all right. So, okay, wait. Like you go from calling every day to like once a week, once a month.

SPEAKER_04

Because you know how we do. Before we even do what we do, you know. I just want to preface this by saying we are not encouraging you bitches to go jump into situationships or make excuses. Not the one the one you in. What we are saying is this episode is for someone who is maybe stuck in the gray area, maybe not taken, maybe not feeling secure, but feeling like you're in a relationship without being in a relationship. Like if that's you, please, please, please stay and kick it, make yourself a drink. Um, but before we go there, you know what I'm about to ask you. Yuri, who pissed you off this week?

SPEAKER_01

I told you I'm an expert, right? So I'm gonna give context because I think this is a very sensitive subject, right? I am 41. At this age, who and what my dating pool looks like is some a man like 45 and above, right? Um, I've dated older than that. I dated younger than that. However, I would like to put out there that I think most men settle by that time in life. Like they're in something, whether they moved in with the baby mom, they got married, they they they've decided by that I'm gonna do what I'm supposed to do. Or they chose club life. These niggas is like 45 and 10. Yeah, but then I don't want that dude either. But what I'm saying is the the the average person that I'm meeting now, and it don't stop them, is in something. Whether they tell me up front or they tell me later, but that that's just the person I meet in circles, and none of that stops them from talking to me. And I'm not saying that I go out and seek those people, but that be the motherfucker, that'd be where I'm at. The married man be the most single man. Every time. There's nobody more single than a married man. Listen.

SPEAKER_04

And I'm not talking like Don't let them live in the birds and come to the city for the weekend.

SPEAKER_01

Don't let them have a job where they'll be like, I'm gonna be home late tonight, honey. What do you mean at the office? Don't let the office be downtown. Don't let the office be downtown. But back to my context. So, yes, so married men. Um, one of them, shit pissing me off this week, married, kids. But they got something funky going on. Like, I think the wife has a girlfriend. I guess one of them, like, they got married, cookie cutter friends. Listen, they have an agreement. They have an agreement, but she don't want him to love that bitch. And and she's also like a closet lesbian, so she's got this girlfriend that she's like you can go fuck somebody, but you can't fall in love with nobody. Exactly. Well, that's their agreement. Then he's gonna call me because now he wants to sneak back in my life. I'm like, bro, I don't want no parts of this malfunction. Like, I don't want no, I don't want no parts. Unhand me. Tell your wife to eat my coochie if you want me to come back. Then she's gonna fall in love with me now. They both gonna be mad.

SPEAKER_03

That is crazy as hell. Tell your wife to eat my coochie if you won't be back so bad.

SPEAKER_01

But he's over there trying to convince me of like this, like he wants to be my side chick. Right. Like he's literally like, I ain't gonna want none of your time. Like, I'll send you money, like I just want to come and see you. Like I don't know. Like you can still date other people. Sit it right now. Sit around now.

unknown

Prove it.

SPEAKER_01

Sell me now. But no, like literally trying to sell me, like, I don't understand what the problem is, why you be in difficult. Bro, you are married. Yeah. Like, don't don't sell me on the situation ship, albeit the level, on like this is what is like a good scenario for me of what I deserve.

SPEAKER_04

And I think situationships gotta be unspoken agreements, right? Yes. Because this is where it gets sticky. Situationships get sticky where there was never a boundary set, we're having a good time, we're hanging out. What tends to happen, and I hate to say this, fellas, it's typically with a good guy. It's always the nice guy who is doing what he's supposed to do, just like as a gentleman, right? Yep. And some women start feeling like, well, you treated me like a I'm your girlfriend. It's always the good guy. Yep. It's always the good guy that's like, wait, what? What do you mean? Well, nigga, you was acting like my boyfriend. You were taking out the trash. You were coming over doing this. You were pumping my gas. You were, you know what I mean? And not even just pumping my gas because you're a man and we in the car. I'm saying you took my car to go get gas. Exactly. Not no ass, though. Well, I'm talking about like the real good guy that's like, oh shit, it's snowing. Let me go put some gas in your car. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that kind of good guy. And it's like, so you don't want to be my man? What was all that?

SPEAKER_01

Wait a minute. And then we don't go together? And in a climate where you can't get a dude to fill up your tank. It's like, We don't go together. You were trying to fight to hold on to them. What? But you ain't off the hook. What pissed you off this week? I didn't I done shared my little married man story, and I got more, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_04

What pissed me off this week, this shit really makes me fucking mad, bitch. There's always one or two that linger forever that you have no interest in that you ain't even let smell you would a pole in years. Chow, what pissed me off is I have this situation ship. We were never in a relationship. Okay. Um, I don't think he was with other people. I wasn't with other people. We were but you guys just had a situation.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And um, he hits me up like clockwork to tell me he misses me or that he's thinking of me. But he always does that weird nigga shit where it's like, because he knows I'm not gonna respond, it's like, I just wanted you to know. Like, you know, like at the end of everything, he's always well, it's it's also manipulation. So you respond to it. No, he knows that.

SPEAKER_00

That's why he always goes, I you know, that whole like, you probably not gonna write me back, but I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you, or I just wanted you to know I missed it. The number change. I know you're gonna be able to do that. I don't know who this is.

SPEAKER_04

Nah, I block him on socials, but I you like to see paragraphs.

SPEAKER_01

You like to see a nigga squirm. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04

I do I refuse to block him on my text messages because it also lets me know how far you will go to talk to yourself on this thread. Nigga. There's a bunch of freaking. I haven't talked to you since April 24. Literally. We're going on two years of you talking to yourself. This is actually interesting. Somebody's sick in this motherfucker, and it ain't me. But it really messed. It really makes me mad because if you miss me so much, so much, show me a coin. Send me a QP or Apple Pay. That's how you get me to fucking respond. No, nigga, you know what you did. Well, okay. You know what I landed.

SPEAKER_01

Send me some fucking money and maybe I'll be back. Okay, please text it. If he picked up the phone to call you and was like literally I wouldn't pick up if he called.

SPEAKER_04

He has called. Why don't he call him and tell you he's sending you some money? You don't need to. You could just go to Apple Pay and I'm gonna get the alert, and then I'm gonna call because that's really what you're blocking. That's how you really learn how to manipulate. Because this is how you should be manipulating me. You want me to pick a male? Okay, you might get it. That ain't it. Girl, please. I'm trying to be hopeful. Don't be. Not with him. Don't be. Some men are generous, some men are not. He's not a generous man.

SPEAKER_01

Fair, fair.

SPEAKER_04

Anyways, that pissed me off. It's just annoying because it's like, where's the grand gesture? Are you really sorry? Do you really care? Do you want some attention right now? You lonely in bed with that little dick, probably rubbing yourself, telling me you miss me. I really used to like him.

SPEAKER_01

How do you call him a situationship though?

SPEAKER_04

Because he was your whole, like you was, you thought he was marriage material. Yeah, I was gonna be a stepmom, bitch. I was gonna be a stepmom. They're big kids, though.

SPEAKER_01

Moving right along, you're gonna piss me off from last. Okay, so we talked about this before. The the influx of situationships. Does that have to do with like the like social media, the dating app, you know, society where swipe left, swipe, like just this easy access. Like, what are your thoughts on why there are more situationships or less people looking like fighting for marriage the way that they used to?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think it's a couple of things. I think number one, we are not in the fucking 1900s where you had to be married to somebody to get some coochie. Um, because remember, girls used to have, you was a harlot, bitch. Okay. You ducking and dodging behind cabins and trees. The cellar. Yes. Or you was in a brothel. You know what I'm saying? You had a madam. Yeah. Now, you know, women have the as much freedom as men. There was a time in society where we didn't, but we couldn't. And I don't think. There's still a double standard, though. There's still a double standard, but I hide our whores. Shit.

SPEAKER_03

I didn't say I was a hoe, I've done hoe things. The door is closed. The door is closed. Sometimes it's open. Catch me on the right night, bitch. Look back.

SPEAKER_04

But seriously, I think that now that we live in a time where women are making choices for themselves, women are earning more than they've ever earned. Black women especially are some of the top earners, top entrepreneurs. Strongest soldiers. Hello. Hello. But what I do think is that is a part of it, culture. And then we also live in avoidant culture. We live in microwave culture. We live in accessible culture where, you know, so I could just DM the next one right now. Or even just the way that we avoid accountability, the way that we avoid real conversations. You know, for sure. We live in a society who has placed a lot of value on fear, but in a way that has turned people into people that they're not. I know the weakest niggas out here bagging bitch. It's like you're not even like that, my nigga. You look corny as shit. It is so true. Like you really look corny as shit. You're not really like that, bro. At all. You just still sad about that one bitch two years ago. You still you still sad about her, so you're pretending to be a fuck nigga, and it actually makes you look even more weak because you bagging. There's a lot of that though.

SPEAKER_01

That's so I don't know if it's social media that like this image, right? Like whatever you portray, it's it it's it's so shallow. Like it's so shallow. There's no depth to it. And a lot of people don't know who they are.

SPEAKER_04

That's another thing. So situationships typically are from people not knowing who they are and what they want. So they settle for these moments. Like I am very intentional. I know what I'm doing. Trust me. You see me doing some bullshit, bitches for the plot. I know what I'm doing here.

SPEAKER_01

But I know exactly what I'm doing. We know that, but these dudes be like everybody wants to be ambiguous. Everybody was like, I don't know. We just gonna go with the flow. We don't know. A hundred percent. I got a schedule. I got listen, I know what exactly who I am, what I'm doing, what I'm gonna do with my time, who I like. I just don't think that they approach it with the same. It's like, oh, I'm figuring it out.

SPEAKER_04

Or they figuring out if they still even like women. Everybody's gay.

SPEAKER_01

Oh god, everybody's gay. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04

The girls too. That's a whole other, that's a whole other thing.

SPEAKER_01

They eating coochie. Listen, if they do it when they get drunk, what the men do when they get drunk. That's what I'm saying. Everybody getting drunk doing weird shit. I'm just saying. What are the men doing? I'm just saying. They gotta have their weird shit. I don't know what it is. Not all of them, but some questions.

SPEAKER_04

I just watched a movie um over the weekend called Heated Rivalry. Oh god. Great film about uh pro-athletes struggling with their sexuality in their world. And um what I will say is men are mean when they're gay and they're not out the closet. They are meaning repressed. They mean when they closeted gay and broke. Those are the two things that make men mean.

SPEAKER_01

Men are very nice, especially if they got money.

SPEAKER_04

Men be nice as hell, having a ball.

SPEAKER_01

I get it, because I'm mad when I don't have money. I'm mad as shit when I'm broke. I don't be crying over love. I be crying when I like I need money. Like this is a rough month. Had my tears with a dollar. I was wrong. Like, I know better.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's real. I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_04

Are you worried about love? Fuck, come on, man. So, why do you think clarity is treated like pressure now? When people are in a situation, they just want clarity. Where do we stand? What are we doing? Where are we? Are we moving forward? Are we are we just kicking it?

SPEAKER_01

You just said it. It's they're so comfortable. I hate to say like they, but the ones I've seen. I feel like some men are very comfortable being ambiguous because then that would mean accountability and reflection, right? Like, if I have to tell you what I want and I like, that means I have to narrow down. I have to I have to look inward. And then if I do that, then oh shit, then I gotta, I gotta notice that. Oh, I I like, I like BBL bitches. I like like you, then you realize how fucking shallow you are. Yeah. And like you just be like and ass for the sake of like you you don't really have a purpose. Because they like man butt too. Oh, that's an option. I'm just saying. It's an option.

SPEAKER_03

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_04

It's it's high, you know, you just never know. 100%. But I also think people have less boundaries now. So you get around somebody with boundaries, man or woman. Oh. You get around somebody with boundaries, and you so lazy that you don't even want to adhere to somebody having a boundary, you take it personal. I think that's another reason why people settle. It's just like, oh, well, bitch, why am I fuck with you? And you got boundaries when it's three shorties over there that I don't give a shit what I do or how I'm exactly.

SPEAKER_01

And then that person that actually has clarity and boundaries and knows who they are, and not even in an uninviting or mean way, they become difficult or too much of a challenge. Yeah. You want the easy way out, and then wonder why, you know, you're still doing dog shit in your 50s. Do you think people even date for potential anymore? I can't speak on it. I feel like maybe we need like the male purpose because I I don't see it. I don't see it. I'll say I I've had married dudes have all the the the intention in the world to not do shit. It's like it's literally like try to convince me of the no keep hope alive.

SPEAKER_04

I need to, you know, uh hope hoping you're gonna leave your wife is crazy. Let me tell y'all I will never. He's never leaving his wife. They never do. They can hate her. There's too much invested, especially if they're older. I'm not talking about getting married in your 20s and 30s. I'm talking about when them men be in their late 40s, early 50s, they 15, 20 years, 30 years in. He ain't leaving her.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_04

He ain't leaving her. He might tell her to roll over in the morning hidden for the back.

SPEAKER_01

He ain't leaving it out. And then also, because I like I said, a lot of men are creatures of comfort. So the choice to leave, I believe, often comes from like a forced choice. Or it's like, I'm gonna leave when I have to leave. I'm gonna keep riding. I'm gonna leave when she leaves me. Exactly. I'm gonna wait for me. I'm gonna leave when she leaves me. I want women in me first. I think women in general are not that way unless you are solely supported. Like there's a certain level of stability that you cannot recreate for yourself. And my mother raised me where it's like you don't figure that shit about. She would pack, like if my dad pissed her off on a Tuesday, she would pack us up and be like, he don't figure that shit the fuck out.

SPEAKER_04

Baby, you know what? I found out that my grandma and my grandpa was broken up because my grandfather was an alcoholic, number one. Number two, he came home drunk once and slapped my grandma. It was out over out the first time. That's why I don't tolerate nothing.

SPEAKER_01

I I remember my grandmother telling me that I wasn't like a certain level of because once once you let it slide, he's gonna start for ice skating around.

SPEAKER_04

And they come from a different time. They was born in the 1940s, baby. That was so that was she said that motherfucker came home drunk, slapped my asshole out.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you have they have to be very clear about what you will not tolerate. Yeah. These married men, they really they have the whole plan in the world and they dreams. They be could but I'll say this in my experience, because I have something, it's like, because I'm I'm the happiest part of their day because they're miserable at home. Like, I'll never want to live with a dude because they always mad at the motherfucker they be living with. Like, I rightly mad at you. Who is mad at the motherfucker you living with? But like they be so like, oh, like I'm gonna invest in like this happiness that you curate that they don't have no level of true commitment for. But to them, this is fantasy. Mind you, we have a bad day. He picking fights at home for no reason because right, like he haven't been. He's mad at your ass. He mad at you. He's like, I'm gonna argue with my girlfriend today. Yeah. Like that's not even that's a personal problem. That's crazy. It it be happening. You're like, I was I was moody at home. Bro, listen, get your life together. Get your I slept like a baby.

SPEAKER_04

Not you and your wife both mad at y'all bitches. Now y'all both at home arguing with each other. That's motherfucking crazy. It'd be too much going on.

SPEAKER_01

Yo, that one, he told me a story where, like, because I told him I wasn't fucking with her no more, and he came, like, she came downstairs and like she was joking, like, oh, like what, your girlfriend broke up with you? She's like, Yeah, she did.

SPEAKER_04

Actually, the fuck she did. Now, in that situation, in the perfect world, what were you hoping would change when you were dealing with that guy? Nothing.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, like, I knew what it was. Like, I knew I knew what it was. Like, he went away with me for my birthday. I don't know what he told his wife he was doing in Thailand, but he was there. Um based on the kids every day. I was like, all right, that's cool. Um, I didn't give a fuck. He paid for the whole shit.

SPEAKER_04

Um meanwhile, you swinging from a tree in the background.

SPEAKER_01

I was all day long, all day long. Whole time. I don't think I wished anything would change, but for me, I don't I like to like I'm never gonna be in denial. So I think some men get happy in this bliss, and it's like he wants to sell me on the happiness. I was like, see, this is where we're gonna go wrong. Because I stay grounded because I remind myself every fucking day that this is not it. So, like, you're not gonna sit here always sitting in in Emirates Lounge talking about, you know, like I can make this work, and dude, no, like this this is not like you gonna stay in your lane. You you be the side, dude.

SPEAKER_04

So, wait, obviously, there was some benefit initially for you to even decide, you know what, this is worth exploring, even though I'm fully aware of the situation. But what made leaving harder than staying? Because there had to be some likeness and some benefit, and then when you choose to leave, you're losing whatever likeness and benefit you got from that situation.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, maybe that's my hard headedness. I I'll I'll let it go. Like, I always like, yes, there was some benefit, there was some fun there, but once it's no longer fun, like once I get the ick, that it's there. Like I it he turned me off, and then I also learned he was a little bit of a narcissist, so that was a different story. He did he not. Argue well or have conflict well. And I'm not your wife. I don't gotta wait, I don't have to stay for shit. So I just think that the conflict he he wanted me to have more patience that he wasn't entitled to. So um yeah, it's no, it it it was it was fun while it lasted, and he still begs for more, but he's on mute somewhere on my phone. Um and he'll he'll probably call again at some point. Um but yeah, I I left that without question. Good for you, yeah. But they just be coming back to me because then after that, there was like two more of them motherfuckers that still like we can make time, da da duh. Why you be a difficult because you married, bro. You got that scent.

SPEAKER_03

Whatever the whatever I don't know what it is, it don't stink. It's expensive. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It don't stink. You got that scent that they be like, would I leave my wife for this bitch? They be dating even about that.

SPEAKER_01

Gotta be looking like a slur in his motherfucking. I'm like, I'm gonna be picking them, they be picking me.

SPEAKER_04

So what do you what do you feel like the emotional cost of undefined energy and situationships are? Because there is some whether it's on one person or the other, there's some emotional cost.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay. Uh uh, let me be vulnerable and transparent. I love that. I love this. So I think I'm dope. I think I'm fucking dope. Um, but I'm also like 41, unwed, no, no kids. Like I'm fucking barren. Like, no, like I like so I do think I rebuke that. No, you know, I'm I'm I'm speaking out. I'm I'm joking, but I'm not. I still gotta because you put it in the air, I had to take it out. Take it back. Take it back.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, okay, keep going.

SPEAKER_01

But I do think, like, as a woman, sometimes I sit there like, is there something wrong with me? Like it does create a certain level of self-doubt. Like, am I not? Like, I know I am, but it's also like, what is it about me that doesn't have a certain scenario? But then I also see motherfuckers that are married. I'm like, I don't want none of that shit. Like, I'm gonna leave I'm happy because right now, you know, relationship is a fucking embarrassment. Didn't Vogue write an article? Honestly. Vogue wrote an article about that shit. Um, so I I will never accept a uh situation or a relationship that is not worthy of everything that we both want. However, sometimes I do sit down, I'm like, there's ugly motherfuckers out here that got men. Yeah. Like I was getting my nails done, and this huge bitch had a wedding ring, and I'm like, yo, what the fuck? Just like, okay, that's not true. It do be like that. But like, I was talking to my homegirls about, I was like, it's everybody about me, like everybody about me. They have a whole show on TLC with people with Down syndrome and relationships and kids. I love that show. First of all, there's the Mitchell family on TLC. They are so too. And I'm talking on it. They sound toxic. But on some real shit, like it'd be like, so so I can I know I'm dope. Like, I ain't I even got like, like, I don't even got like a bad story. Like, and I'm just like, really? Like, like everybody be falling in love, like everybody be falling in love with me. So I will say this pattern of situationships, it does like, I be having moments where it's like, come on, bro, like, what you doing? Like, wherever he is, you could you could raise him from the dead right about now. Like, this is a good time. Like, I've worn out my, I've sold my oats, you know.

SPEAKER_04

So, just a suggestion, not that you gotta take my advice, and this is not a judgment. What if you stopped being in situationships because that is the opposite law of attraction? Oh, yes. So I think the day that you say I'm no longer gonna do this, not because I'm bored. Oh no. You then maybe you attract your person. Now, once again, this is not a judgment, bitch. I'm in a totally different part of my life right now. Yes. Will I take a nigga? Yes. Does he have to be, you know, a man? No. I don't. But do I desire to be a married woman one day? Yes. I don't need it tomorrow. But biologically, we're in two different places. So I will never. Yeah, you ain't far behind, bitch.

SPEAKER_01

But uh, hold on, bitch.

unknown

Hold on.

SPEAKER_01

You want to be Jenny Jackson? Go ahead. Hold on now. Implant embryo, it's fine. I was I was shooting just like you. Blinked, bitch, was seven years older. I'm 41. And I'm I'm getting blood tests about fertility. So girl, I'm still scared to be pregnant. I am too, and that's a fucking problem. I'm fucking asking myself.

SPEAKER_04

I'm in a dark place where I'm in a place where I have to have safe sex because if I slip up and if I don't have safe sex, I'm too old to avoid. Bitch, you're 35. You know what the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_01

Will you be the papy? Like, I just at this point, I just need to be a co-parent. And that will be probably more healthy than the shit that I'm encountering.

SPEAKER_04

I'm down for lavender marriage. Matter of fact, they look sounty, my best friend. We got five years, babe. If you're unwed and I'm unwed, lavender marriage, it is. And my best friend is super handsome. So I know our kids will be great looking. We have freaking sister wives. Anyway, at this point. Dennis, don't forget about Yuri too.

SPEAKER_01

But no, I I get it. Like, I've definitely also been like, maybe it's me because I'm busy. Am I also somehow craving these situations that don't require all of my attention? Like I get to be half-assed too. Like these motherfuckers ain't calling me. Well, like, I could also be like, don't call me past nine, because I I want to sleep. You know, but this year, I we've talked about this. I've made enough, like, I don't want to, at least the ones that are there. If somebody other do want to come and lie to me, we're gonna, I guess I'll figure it out. If somebody else wanna come and lie, because you know they are. Listen, we might we might see somebody today that hide in a whole girlfriend and other stuff. We gonna figure that out too. True. Listen. Men lie, women lie, you know, here we go. But um, I I don't disagree with that. I will say that in the midst of me trying to set boundaries, I get pushback on some like, baby, baby, please don't well. That's what the boundaries are there for. You can't get pushback. That's why that's why phones have that block feature on it.

SPEAKER_04

Oh. You be using it. Yes. I never really texts.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, I do. That's why I told you I like to receive. I know what you're saying. Out of sight, out of mind. Like, I I'm Virgo overthinker, so I just don't don't be on my phone.

SPEAKER_04

I'm cold turkey. Like, I'll block you from socials, but I want to see if you're actually still trying to tap in with it. Oh, not because I care. I'm not a person that's tempted to write back. I'm just curious. No, I because I want you to know I read it and didn't write it.

SPEAKER_01

You don't exist to me anymore. Yeah, like the number goes away. Like, like, who who's who's 551? App will be like, maybe the married nigga. No.

SPEAKER_04

No. Hell no. App will be like, maybe.

SPEAKER_01

No, hell no. Absolutely not. Apple be trying to shake you up, no.

SPEAKER_04

What I do love about this conversation is I feel like we are both like taking accountability without shame. Like, I promise you, I know what the fuck I be doing. I don't care how dumb I play. I know exactly what I'm doing when I'm doing. Like, all the time. Like, there's not a time that I'm not pulling the strings in this bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, I know exactly how I'm doing it. Does it backfire?

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, has it? Absolutely. But I am quite aware. I'm not delusional. I don't think this. I don't think that. I know all of this shit is dumb, but right now, I'm having a fucking ball. We're human. Honestly. Listen.

SPEAKER_01

I'm having a ball. I'm logical and rational at work. Sometimes I'll drink a little bit and I'm gonna do what the fuck I want to do tonight. Like it don't matter. I wake up, oh, that was a bad idea. It's okay, it'll go away.

SPEAKER_03

I'm about to do what I want to do when we leave here. We both wanna do what we wanna do when we leave here.

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna get something to eat. And have martinis. And have martinis. Teeny time. Lots of them. I love teeny time. Um, do you feel like people avoid having clarity in conversations because they are not ready to face what they already know is true? Oh, for sure. I ain't gonna lie, I did that before. My last situationship that I actually cared about where I low-key fumbled. You cared? I did. I did. I liked him. He liked me too. We just hung out. I don't be trusting your ass on this. We just hung out. When you mean like I liked him, I'll be like, I ain't like this nigga the time of day and all the time.

SPEAKER_01

He didn't piss you off. You ain't talking about I liked him.

SPEAKER_04

I did like him. I liked him. I liked him. I don't really believe what you said. He was the nice guy that was. How long it lasts? Longer than it should have. Well, you're about to say what two weeks? I do be over people in two weeks. Exactly. But this was something that lasts like six, it was exact it was textbook. You ain't saying how long two months. I'm not gonna even lie, it was no, it was like six months. It was so textbook. It was like I remember going through it with my therapist on a regular basis, and um it it was it was very textbook, um, avoidant personality. Like that was actually his attachment style. It wasn't him being avoidant because he was um avoidant attachment. I have a healed anxious attack attachment. Um, and having to let that go was so hard because I'm like, I'm a better bitch. Who made the decision? Who pulled the trigger? Me. I'm a better I was I knew I was a better bitch.

SPEAKER_01

Like I know like I'm leaving for me, nothing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

But also, we know you are not ready for this. Like he thought I was like unreal. Like he had moments of being like, I've never been in something so healthy. This is foreign, and I'm not gonna lie, it's fucking scary. Because I know how to communicate, I know how to talk, I know how to convey how I'm feeling without cussing you out and all the things. And I mean this in a real way. Like, this is somebody that is a great human being. Like, I ain't gonna shit on him. Like, dope dude, great human being, but has some, he has an unhealed boy in him. And when he met me, he thought I was just gonna be the fun bad bitch, and niggas started falling and doing shit too. I think, admittedly, we were both silent rules, silent, you know, and then there became a point of contention where it was like, yeah, no, well, yeah, no. I ain't say nothing when niggas was in your face. Well, you should have, because I'm saying something because the bitch is in yours. You know what I mean? And like just really getting to the point of like, okay, as much as we enjoy each other and all of the things, I could move forward and value this, you cannot, because you don't have the capacity to do what I need you to do. Like, we are not in the same place vibrationally with healing. But I'd be talking to the lady twice a month.

SPEAKER_01

But if if he made that statement to you, like, is that not somebody that should try to step up? Like, I'm gonna do what it takes for. Should they? Yes. But if you don't have the skills, okay. I mean, I know give me context. If this is like we are much younger, that's different. No, no, no. But I'm gonna let this dude adulthood. That'd be like, oh, you too much, like I'm not ready for this. Bro, you 45.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. You 45. This wasn't a too much, like, fuck you. This was like, I'm not enough. When people you gotta believe men when they tell you where they are. I'll never get it. What they showed you. If they don't tell you, they're gonna show you. I'll never forget. Well, this is the thing, the opposite things were happening. He would he was showing up in the way that you would want somebody to show up to that you're dating, that you're getting to know, that you're deciding which way it should go. But the verbiage and the thing he was fighting with was like, You're too good for me. When a nigga tells you he you're too good for him, believe him. And it ain't because he's a piece of shit, it means he literally sees you up there, doesn't think he's that nigga to meet you. You gotta believe that shit and run, bitch. I wish they would just be able to do it. Because even if you think that they are enough and all of the things, if they don't believe it, it don't matter. And then eventually, not that this happened, but what I have seen happen before is when they think that you are too good for them, they will beat you down into they are you are emotionally on their level. Do you get what I'm saying? Not that that was that situation, but my man says it, believe it. I was young though, but I like let me bring you down the sides looking back, that's what that was. Yeah, for sure. And no, I could those those situations definitely do happen. But I do think that this could all be avoided, you know, asking direct questions in the beginning. If you're somebody that's ready for a relationship, and no matter, because sometime the coochie be whispering to you, it don't matter how fine this man is, it don't matter how much the attraction is, you gotta go against the coochie, and you really gotta get the clarity that you need up front and be okay with even on that first date. People, I think people think it's weird that a woman might ask, like, you know, do you see marriage in the future? Do you want children? Da-da-da. Asking that on the first date is fucking normal. Listen, we know we're both attracted to each other. Now let's have a conversation about where you are in your life. I'm not saying that you want to marry me, motherfucker. I'm saying, do you desire to be a husband? So I think questions need to be asked. Clarity needs to be given up front. If you tell me that you never wanted to be a father and I know I want to have kids, I know that after this date, even if we have a great time, I probably should not reach back out to you again because I'm wanting something that you don't want and we don't align. So why even play the game? I think we all need to get better as men and women about asking questions, asking the right questions and asking them sooner rather than later. Because a lot of times we don't ask until we're three, four, five months in. Now you laid up with the motherfucker, you think you really like them, and by the way. And you still look at each other like, what are we doing? Y'all don't even share the same morals. The most basic things. Y'all don't even agree on. So, like, if you really value yourself and you want to get out of, you know, situationships and really, you know, be led into your partner, you gotta you gotta stand on who you are, what you're willing to compromise and not compromise, and where you're trying to go. If you guys are not going the same direction, you gotta be cool with going the other way. Unless you want bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. If you want to be comfortable wasting your time, then you're wasting your time. But it's but I agree with that. Asking the right questions is huge. Absolutely. And not like you can't be delusional or in denial about what you're not receiving. Totally. Because I'm I I would agree that a lot of people, they know they're in situationships. Whatever you're holding on to, you you have to be accountable of what you you hoping for something that ain't happening, or you're not having the conversation to know whether it is or it isn't. Facts. And they don't they already showed you who they are, but you know what heals and what changes all of this, right?

SPEAKER_04

Alcohol. No, bitch. No. What changes all of this. Let me hear you. Be fucking for real. Women, stop letting these men fuck. Oh god. If you quit letting these men fuck, you are gonna be led to the one who's willing to wait. You were going to feel better about yourself, especially if you're a woman who doesn't want to be in situations. I'm not saying you out having fun, da da da. I'm talking about to the girl who is tired of giving herself and not getting what she wants back in return, quit letting these men crack. Period. You keep your power. You know what I'm saying? And the right man is gonna be willing to stay there, to wait, to learn you, to love you, all of that. But if you listen, I'm sex positive. But if you really desire one thing and you showing up differently, that giving them coochie, not gonna make him like you more or make you his girl. Like that's just a fact. For some people, yeah, the first day, oh, we went out, me and my husband been married, we've been locked in since then. That is very few and far in between. If you desire a relationship, quit letting these men fuck. That's all I gotta say today, because they about to piss me off. Are those the final words? Those is my final words. Well, after after that comment, please tell us what we're sipping on. We are drinking Saint Germain, baby, having a little spritz. What a little splash of vodka. Great goose to be exact. Splash on brand. St. G spray on brand. He'll go spritz with a little vodka in it.

SPEAKER_01

I like it. It's delicious. Thanks. Anyway, tune in next time where we are gonna have a great back and forth conversation. He said, she said. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, send us your emails at don'tpissmeoff pod.com. Brianna, until next time, don't piss me off.