Don't Piss Me Off Podcast

Is Love Enough

• DPMO • Season 2 • Episode 1

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0:00 | 40:49

Love feels like the answer until you’re staring at a breakup that still hurts. Season two opens with Bryana and Yuri getting unfiltered about the question people avoid asking out loud: is love enough, or do we need more than feelings to make a relationship last?

We dig into chemistry vs compatibility in a way that hits real life: the thrill of butterflies, flirting, and insane attraction versus the quieter work of lifestyle alignment, shared values, emotional maturity, and long-term goals. We also call out the moment nobody wants to admit, when “butterflies” are actually anxiety, a trauma response, or your nervous system reacting to chaos. If calm feels boring, we challenge you to ask why peace doesn’t feel safe yet.

Then we take it beyond dating. We talk friendship compatibility as life changes, and family boundaries when blood doesn’t mean aligned values. We get practical about financial stability and why money problems can wreck love, especially when you’re dating without a plan. And yes, we go there on attraction, “medium ugly,” and whether attraction can grow when someone consistently creates safety.

Tap play, sip something if you want, and come argue with us. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs the truth, and leave a review so more people find the show.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome back to season two of the Don't Piss Me Off podcast. If you love black girl brilliance, unfiltered conversations, and real talk, baby, you are in the right place. My name is Brianna.

SPEAKER_00

My name is Yuri. Welcome back. It is season two, guys. I hope you checked out season one and are happy to be back with us. This time we are starting with, is love enough?

SPEAKER_02

Baby. Well, here's the thing. I feel like, you know, this isn't an anti-love episode, right? No, no, no. You know, but I think we do have to examine some things to figure out whether or not love is truly enough. Because I think some people think like, no, like I'm good with that. But then I think we look at divorce and be like, people be getting divorced even though they still love each other, child.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. Are we building these relationships off of feelings or are we using the foundation? Right.

SPEAKER_02

But before we do that, here we go. I want to know Miss Yuri, what pissed you off this week?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I was just recently on vacation. So um now I'm back back to the real world. And you know, you have your little flings while you're away sometimes. And I it's a small thing, I'm just saying. But like when people ask you, like, do you miss me? knowing damn well you don't miss that motherfucker. Like, now you put me in a bad spot. Now you're asking me serious questions, and I just like change the subject, go on to something else.

SPEAKER_02

Well, ain't nothing better than being love on in love on vacation. I feel like when you're on vacation and you just be like, oh, I'm never seeing this motherfucker again. This is great. You be having a ball, holding hands. Bitch, I'm gonna hold hands on vacation with a whole stranger. Kissing you on their mouth. Like, I'm gonna kiss you on the neck.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna be doing PDA. Listen, we go together. Everything is big. For the next two weeks, we go together. As long as we are here on this island, we go together.

SPEAKER_02

For now. The minute my toes touch the soil, who are you what huh? Because why you gotta hit me on WhatsApp? That's how I know you don't live here. Don't hate on WhatsApp.

SPEAKER_00

I got a lot of friends on WhatsApp. But yes, you're right. You're very right. It's yeah, now I'm home, so it's back to the real world and it's it's over. So you don't miss them. He just left a red on that one. I'm sorry. I just yeah. It'd be like that sometimes. Yeah. As much as you miss me, baby. Right, right, right, right. As much as you miss me. I love it. Girl, but tell me what pissed you off this week. I know this was a good week for you, girl. Was it a good week for me or was it a bad week for me? Enlightening. Enlightening. Come on, tell me now.

SPEAKER_02

Baby, what pissed me off this week was, I don't know. If you all were here last season, I have this history of sitting next to exes, situationships, all kind of, you know, in the interims in restaurants. So this week, baby, them tables turned. They told you that them tables turned. They definitely turned on my tables. They gonna do anything. So I was sitting at uh a lounge restaurant, whatever, and um waited on a girlfriend, and um there was a woman alone next to me, didn't think anything of it. My favorite ex walked in. Not the favorite ex. Because we all got a favorite ex. My favorite ex walked in. We acknowledged that we saw each other, and then he greeted the woman with a kiss on her mouth, and then came over and told me, you know, hello, like our normal, you know, cadence, like whatever. Bitch almost died. My heart dropped, just listening to that, right? My heart almost gave out. I thought I was gonna shit throw up and die at the same time. No, um, because I ain't know I cared. Oh, listen, sometimes you gotta see it. I ain't know I cared in that moment, bitch. In that moment, it pissed me the fuck off. Because if for the first time, if I'm being completely unhinged and authentic and completely real, that was the first time I saw him put somebody else's feelings before mine. Like, oh, this bitch before me? You got me fucked up, don't you not? Yeah, no. Like in a split second of you deciding if you was gonna say what's up to me first or greet her first, you chose to protect her feelings first. That shit's dung, bitch. Which brings me to Here we go.

SPEAKER_00

Is love enough? Well, that love snuck back on you. That love snuck back on you, baby. The first answer, no, it's not. The answer is no, but we're gonna unpack it, right? Let's unpack it. Let's talk about chemistry versus compatibility. Ooh. Let's let's let's talk about each of them. Like chemistry. What's chemistry? I know you you toxic, you love good chemistry. Well, here's the thing, because chemistry be cracking.

SPEAKER_02

I love when I have chemistry with somebody because it's just something about like when you walk into a place and that person is already there, or you're there first, and then they come in. And it's something about like seeing who's gonna come to who first, and being like, I know you seen me over there, because you know, I'm over here looking at you, looking at me, and we looking at each other, and we're trying to figure out how we can meet in the middle and say some freaked out shit.

SPEAKER_00

I knew the freaky part was coming. I knew it's sexual attraction, it's butterflies, it's that. Like, what you doing? What you doing? Like you got you wanna see them every day. Yeah, it's like I'm on the edge of my seat.

SPEAKER_02

Like, you know, it's just like you're always on the edge of your seat. You're gonna grab it. I like being on the edge of my seat, honey. Um, but what I don't like is like when people compare that kind of energy and think that when something's healthy, it's a boring relationship, right? Because there is a difference between chemistry and compatibility.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. Yeah, so for compatibility, we're talking like lifestyle alignment. Like we have to dig deeper. It's finances, it's you know, what are your hobbies? What are your interests? It's what's gonna keep this interesting when we both ain't fucking no more, you know? Because we're gonna be all right. It's gonna be seasons. It's gonna be seasons. It's gonna be seasons.

SPEAKER_02

It's gonna be seasons where you ain't getting that coochie stretch. I won't think about it. But yes, but that's life. I know, you know, but what I do think is both can live in the same place. I think you can also have um chemistry and compatibility. What happens is, I and I love that you touched it on the nose, compatibility is digging deeper. Very few people that you have chemistry with are you actually digging deeper. You just trying to get dug out.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even care if we have no compatibility. I'm here for one reason. One reason only, to get dug out. I can't stand you. And that's terrible, but it is with you. Maybe I don't care to dig deeper with you. I'm cool.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm just cool with the chemistry, bro. Yeah, I don't want to know shit about your mama.

SPEAKER_00

You're right. Because when you want to dig deeper, right? We're talking about emotional maturity. When when we don't care, we don't give a fuck how we feel. Fucking feelings. We don't care. Oh, you're date today, great. Are you available tonight? Thank you. You want to complain about your day? Damn, that's terrible.

SPEAKER_02

Word. I'm telling you. Listen, I ain't got time for it at all. I'm I'm never gonna have time for it. Um, have you ever had somebody that you've had insane chemistry with, knowing you ain't had no business fucking with this person? Fuck yeah. Like the completely wrong man. Fuck the fuck, yeah. Every time. Every time. How was that for you? It was amazing.

SPEAKER_00

A ball. Having a ball. Having a fucking ball. Having a ball. We was every, oh God. Why do it be like that? I know he's still calling. He's still, but I'm trying to set boundaries. Yeah. Trying to grow the fuck up. That's what I'm thinking about you. But it really, like the other day, I was really like, I'm feeling, yeah, like let me give him a call, stir up some shit, knowing damn well it's not gonna work. There's no future with us, it's just not compatible. But when it comes down to that drunken late night, grab your body throat, like it's it'd be happening. Trying to get that itch scratched. Yes, the itch needed to be scratched last week.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

But it it has happened, you know. Now, for me, I want to know for you. Have you ever dated somebody that was aligned but not exciting? Like, how did that work out for you? I feel like I already know the answer for you.

SPEAKER_02

You know what? Ooh, that's that's kind of hard to answer. I think I have been with someone aligned and it was just the wrong time, so it wasn't exciting as I would have liked it to be because of timing. Got it. And that kind of like segues into is love enough, right? Um, finances sometimes play a role in that. Um, availability, true, you know, like actual physical availability, not emotional, but the physical availability part. And um did you try to ride it out? Were you like me? I tried. It wasn't a long ride, but it was a beautiful ride. It was. Don't lie to me. It was, no, it was. It was a beautiful ride. But I think, you know, you have to still have fun and enjoy your person, even when you're compatible, even though when you guys, you know, agree on those real big life-changing things that are like, ooh, is this where I want to be if this thing doesn't change? Right. And I think for me at that time, it was like, I'm too young to be fucking bored. Like, I want to do shit. No, you're right. You know? Um, but it was still very beautiful. I don't think it took away from the chemistry, the compatibility, the love we had in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00

For sure. And I do think like when they're not stimulating you elsewhere, I do feel like the partner must also like stimulate your mind. Like if you are not able to always be in the bedroom, it's nice, right? But they should be able to stimulate you in other ways that sets them apart from others. You know, like because everybody, you know, you can have a conversation with, but like your partner should be able to stimulate all parts of you.

SPEAKER_02

I agree. And I also think like, even when it comes to just sexual chemistry only, yeah. And you talked about earlier, just like, oh, you know, those butterflies. And sometimes your butterflies for a person who you only have chemistry with, bitch, that's an anxiety. Bitch, that ain't butterflies. You anxious like this, and you got it. You probably shouldn't be soul time with this motherfucker that got you anxious like this. Like, you shouldn't feel anxious, you should always feel safe, even if it's just chemistry, it should just be still safe.

SPEAKER_00

No, like literally, you just said it like, do people confuse that anxiety that or love and attraction? Yeah, like oh, because they give me this response oh, this is this gotta be something special about it. That's actually a trauma response.

SPEAKER_02

That is not your pussy throbbing. Chaos. Your ass is exactly chaos. You thought that was your coochie throbbing, it was actually a trauma response, bitch. You have PTSD, honey.

SPEAKER_00

Really? No, it's true. It's like watching a train wreck, and you like you just gotta see it. Like, but it's happening with your whole situation. Hell yeah. Like, no, this feels good because it's exciting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Whole time you over there having a fucking anxiety attack. Like, correct. This got you on edge every day. You're on the edge of your seat, honey. And not in the fun way at all. Because you'd like the edge of the seat. I'm like, baby, I love being on the edge of my listen, I be having the time of my life. I try to tell to people, I really be having the time of my life.

SPEAKER_00

You know, and that, and I think that's important in relationships, but it also has to transcend like just the physical part. You know, it has to like you need to be able to have fun with them in multiple spaces.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and even like even with like friendships, I feel like I be having a ball. Like, one thing about me, I'm fun. I'm the fun one. In every relationship, I need everybody to know the fun is me. It wasn't that we went out and out was fun. I was fun while out.

SPEAKER_00

She makes it so I made out life of the party. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. But last season we had some controversial friendship topics, you know, but I think it's important for us to dive into how these issues are also important in friendships, right? Like, is loving a friend enough? You know? Or does that change the way, like, does a best friend become a friend you see, you know, every couple months? Like, does like the love for them, is it enough for them to maintain? Like, your friend in high school ain't your friend, you know, in your 30s. Yeah. It's different. You love them. Yeah. But is that enough to keep that friendship there?

SPEAKER_02

I'm going to say yes for me personally. Yeah. I have a friend that I've been friends with since sixth grade. She's my best friend. Um, and then I have my best, best, best friend who I met going into high school, who I'm still friends with. Um, for us, it's enough. They don't even, they've I've moved around. So we still keep the connection, especially me and my best best friend, Acacia, who I always talk about. Yes. But um I think that it is enough. It's just the maturity of understanding that our lives are in two different lanes. Like, you know, she's got the home life. I'm living the young professional life. Like we're just living two different lifestyles, but it doesn't change. She's the person who I when I spend time with, I have the least amount of pictures with her. Not because of any reason other than when we're together, we're not even on our phones. Got it. We just really enjoyed the present with one another. And um, and then my other friend, I probably haven't even seen her in like over 10 years, like actually in person over 10 years. Regularly, I think. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think that's important because that's also showing the compatibility of your friendship, right? Versus you might meet somebody that you've had fun with over the years, but then in terms of compatibility as a person, it's different.

SPEAKER_02

It's just chemistry. That's your outside friend. They have outside chemistry. You're the girl that I love going out with. We have a fucking blast. Yeah. And um, that's that. And sometimes we go deep, but we don't have to. We can keep it light, honey. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And it's then there's loyalty over like legit like compatibility as a friend. Yeah. Like, you know, because there's this, like, I'm there's still because I'm loyal, like, you know, but then it's also like what you said, like just being able to have those conversations and keeping up to date with your friend and them being as um careful and conscious of what's going on with you as you are of them. Yeah. Those those are compatibility issues versus just the chemistry of friendship.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I think that the chemistry and the friendship changes when you realize values have shifted. I think it's very important to share values. It's not that someone has to be just like you, act like you, think like you, talk like you, but you just like in a relationship, you want to go the distance with people who share the same values. You know, if you change from room to room and I can't figure out who the hell you are. Thank you. You know what I mean? And I think that's what's important when it comes down to really any relationship that's gonna sustain time, whether it's chemistry or compatibility, what are your values? Correct. Because certain shit I just can't get with, baby.

SPEAKER_00

No, absolutely. And they say, like, you know, sometimes opposites attract, but there are things that do need to be aligned. And you're right, those are the values. Yeah. Absolutely. No, I I totally agree with that, you know. And even going into relationships, friendships, like you mentioned it before, is people will avoid the calm space. But like, is calm really what's healthy? Like when you're at peace and when there isn't the excitement, like, why do people they like calm and peace all these other times and use those terms about being at peace and find my peace? But like you want all the excitement, yeah, and you want the chaos. You want the chaos. Bitch, you chaotic. You want the fucking chaos when it comes to your relationships, but maybe you need the still waters, bitch. Like you need the river water, okay? 100%.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So, like, do you think, you know, in this year, honey, are we staying loyal to chemistry or are we evolving over into compatibility?

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna have some fun with some chemistry. I'm gonna out a bald ass height. I'm gonna dip my toe out of bald ass. A ball. Listen, I I will always until I find the one, right? I will always have a little fun with some chemistry, but I know its limits, right? Like I know that after that I won't see Mr. Man again. Yeah. But I do appreciate and try to find a partner in the compatibility. That is most definitely what I'm looking for when I'm trying to take somebody seriously.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I think people assume, like, when we talk about chemistry, everything is like sexually charged, like you're fucking somebody. Yeah. Like sometimes chemistry is just like, ooh, I know this one person's gonna be there. I can't wait to flirt with. Sometimes you just got your favorite guy you like to flirt with. Then you got your favorite guy that you like to get drunk and, you know, get dug out by. You know what I mean? But it's just like only then. In the dugout. Yeah, you in the dugout. In the dugout. That's the dude. Put me in coach. But put me in coach, I'm in the dugout. I'm in the dugout. You know, but I think, you know, when it comes to just chemistry alone, some and sometimes, like you said, chemistry could just be mental mental stimulation. I dated a guy who, like, I think aesthetically, I even had my homeboy with my homeboy who knows us both, was like, yeah, I never really saw that. He was like, but when you guys are together, I get it, but like aesthetically, I just never really saw it. But it was because this person really stimulated me. They were creative like me. It was just like that yin and yang and just bouncing ideas and just that that thing that I like that is the the the right part of my brain, right? Um, I was getting my fix, right? Mentally, my mental fix, honey. Um, so yeah, chemistry doesn't always have to be sexually charged. No, especially not amongst friends, like your girlfriends. Some people do be fucking their girlfriends. Girl. That's a whole other episode. Maybe scissoring. Some people be fucking a uh homeboys. They be whatever they do. I don't know the term. There's a lot of them out there these days on the down though.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my goodness. But you mentioned it earlier, you know. I mean, I neither of us are married, but we think about is love enough or not when you look at a marriage as an example, you know, like is that passion or alignment? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I had this conversation earlier this week where I was talking to someone, and you know, and it was a gentleman, and he was just like, you know, we've seen some of the best couples who truly love each other divorce over finances. Love is not enough. It just truly isn't. Like you need stability in every part of your relationship, right? And I feel like when the finances ain't stable, it causes commotion in the home, right? Maybe the man is feeling inadequate. Maybe he just lost his job. Or maybe the woman lost her job and now maybe his plate feels a little heavier because even if he was already, you know, providing 100%, the weight of your partner not feeling good also carries on you. Oh, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? So I feel like love will just never be enough. I can't tell you how many motherfuckers I loved. Okay, I didn't love that many. I was about to say, No, you didn't. Okay, not that many. You lusted over stuff. Yeah, yeah. You was in right with that. I'll be having love for. You know, I don't really be in love, but I be having nothing but love.

SPEAKER_00

All right, playing. All right, playing. All right, boy. But it's it's so true, like, especially marriages that go the distance, right? So you also have to be sustainable in how you treat each other because however you are when you first met and whatever that chemistry and connection was, that's gonna evolve over time. That's what I would presume when they talk about marriage being work. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, I mean, I've had married friends tell me, you know, I wish cheating was the problem. I could I could deal with a little cheat. Not that they were advocating for it, but marriage is just so much more deeper. Correct. And um another person or a slip-up one time, whether you condone it or not, would be much easier to deal with in some of the trials that you go through.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's it's I have an uh amazing married uh set of friends, um, a couple in particular, where the wife told me as well that cheating is not the worst thing that he could do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know, in the in the scheme of the all that they have built together. You know, like in that comes down to finance, that comes down to the resources, that comes down to the kids.

SPEAKER_02

And you found out he'd invested, you know, a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand somewhere without consulting you.

SPEAKER_00

And like you just the yeah, it it's it's a lot. There's a there's a lot to to deal with, and the passion that might be there in the beginning is is not gone. I think for a lot of long-term relationships, I think that's an issue. Like, will that passion last? So that whatever that love is, whether it's passion, chemistry, the chaos in you, yeah, that that that comes to an end. Then what?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Would you marry someone that you weren't attracted to? I think you would. Because I think you, I think for you, talk to me. Not that you just like an ugly mama, but I think for you that if they check all the other boxes and do right by you, I don't think you would be so caught up on looks that you would walk away. I just don't see you that shit. Yeah, no, that's more of me.

SPEAKER_00

That's a me picking. Not a you pick. Uh no. Um, you know me so well. And it's it's just true. I think looks is the last thing I see.

SPEAKER_02

Good for you.

SPEAKER_00

It's definitely the first for me. I know. I know, but I I know that's that's just the way I'm wired, right? And frankly, like the the finer you look, the more problems I see. Like, if you look too good, I'll be like, this is problems walking down. She's trying to look better than me. I don't like it. If you take longer to get ready than I do in the mornings, we're gonna have a problem.

SPEAKER_02

I see, I don't mind a little medium ugly, but butt ass ugly and big as hell, I'm not doing it. I've dated a range. Yeah. I have too. I'm not acting like I'm a bugger. But at this point in my life, I can't lie. When we're talking about actual marriage and compatibility and going the distance child, no, I ain't doing it again.

SPEAKER_00

No, you are right though, because we try to have kids. So Yeah. I don't want my kids made fun of.

SPEAKER_02

Kids are fucking. We are such a thing as ugly kids. So I need to. Kids are fucking mean. And it be the ugly ones that are the mean ones. You want me to have the mean ugly kids? She, they're gonna be bullying people at school. Oh my gosh, terrible kids. Like I want to have the if my kid is not so good looking or favorable, I at least want them to be fly and nice. Mean and ugly. Clean. Well mannered, clean. Little snot nose kids. Yeah, it's always with the little silver teeth, little baby. Yeah, silver teeth out here. Got earring in his ear. He's only two years old. Because why does he have why does Deshaun have that one earring in his ear at two? There was a kid at my school that had that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, bless her heart, that mama. I cannot. Baby. Oh man. Now, if I know you said for me, but like now that we're maturing, okay? We are. On weekdays. All right.

SPEAKER_02

Only on a weekday. Bitch, Friday, childish as hell. Friday through Sunday, I am childish.

SPEAKER_00

But if somebody checks all the life alignment boxes for you, but he ain't he like a a four?

SPEAKER_02

What'd that look like? I said I do medium ugly. I don't know. Um he looked like that frog in the meme. No, I don't know. Oh you give me he looks like Michael Jordan. Because they always do the Michael Jordan side-by-side meme with that one. And it does look just like Michael Jordan. So yes, the answer is yes. You comparing it to Michael Jordan. Um You know, at this age, I want to roll over to something I like. Go for it. And I it's not that I'm so caught up on looks, but I I'm just realistic. Don't nobody want to roll over in the morning and be terrified. Like, I want to like what I see when I wake up. And even and you ain't even gotta be fine as hell. You could be medium ugly, but ugly as hell? No. Yeah, I just I can't do it. Cause then, and then you expect sexual favors. I can't even look at you. Eyes closed. I can't even look at you. That's not enough. Face face to front. Because you, which way do I go? Turn around. Yeah. Like I don't even know what's going on at. Don't look. It's too much. So that's a no for me. Um, I I want to be a better bitch and act like it don't matter. I'm lying if I say that. We want you to be like, yeah. And uh no, I'm I'm not a I'm not above it. Like, uh not doing it. Um, do you feel like men prioritize compatibility more than women? Like what fits in their structure? Is do you think that's how they look at compatibility? Like, oh, we're compatible because I could fit her into my structure? Or do you think that they are more chemistry-based because they see with their eyes instinctually?

SPEAKER_00

In my experience, I think that they are um chemistry-based. Uh I don't think they're necessarily looking at compatibility in long term. But I do agree with a portion of what you said in that they're looking to make sure it fits in their current environment. I don't know that they're looking ahead and seeing where this could grow, but I think they like what makes them feel good now and makes them feel comfortable now. In my experience, you know, I don't think every man is like that. No. There are some great men that are actually looking at compatible because I think that's a very uh intelligent way to look at it. Because this, if this is a long-term partner, they're gonna be around for a while. This is the person gonna be raising your kids. So I think looking at compatibility on both sides is extremely important. But some people be leading with that chemistry, girl.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And I think what happens is a lot of men settle, right? It's like, oh, I have chemistry with this girl. I pretty much can do what the fuck I want when I want, you know. Um, I guess I'll just do this. Yeah. And then you have men who are like, listen, I want to be a husband, I want to be a father, I am intentional, I'm dating intentionally, I'm looking for compatibility. It's no longer enough for you to just look good. I can get anybody that looks good, right? Right. And I think we feel the same way too. Like we can have somebody that looks good. Oh, but at this point in our lives, are we compatible?

SPEAKER_00

Very important. Absolutely. I think that I do too.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I do too. And I also like uh, okay, so say you are in that compatible relationship. Yes. Um, what I think is like the chemistry that really catapults the compatibility that serves as, you know, a relationship that can go to distance is passion. When you have passion with someone you're compatible with and attracted to, and you have chemistry, then we be married.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, Rihanna. Then we be married. This shit don't exist right now.

SPEAKER_02

It does. You just haven't found the alignment yet. And the alignment, who? That's what's gonna sustain you, honey. Who? I just said you will find it and you haven't found the alignment yet. Always the alignment is what's gonna sustain it when you find it. Okay, you know? I'll be knowing, I'll be.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It sounds amazing. I'm super optimistic if you can't tell. No, I know. You are. I'm really optimistic.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like realist, borderline.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but like even my my optimism, my optimism isn't like fairy tale. Yes, it is. I'll be in my own fucking world. You do having a border. You're extremely positive.

SPEAKER_00

I am. I'm I'm really positive. Because sometimes I I have to like take some of your positivity because I'm like, this is gonna sell. Well, I think you just give realness to my life.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I'm not like that delusional, right? I think my delusion is safe delusion. Like, I know the odds, I know the pros and cons, but I'm gonna choose to lean into the pros.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, you know, leprechauns and then the rainbow. I'm like, bitch, it just rained. That's why the rainbow's there. Right.

SPEAKER_02

But the leprechaun got money. So we should probably try to see where the where this trail leads to the end of the rainbow.

SPEAKER_00

And then we just out having the ball following.

SPEAKER_02

And then we just out having the ball just following the leprechaun, following the leprechaun. Having a great old time. Very big. I tell you. I mean, how do you feel about family relationships? Like, do you feel like, oh, do you feel like, you know, love is enough to sustain family relationships? I'm gonna go ahead and tell you right now, girl, fuck no. I'm a hell nice. Because I can love you from a distance. I'm a hellder. It's just some folks I just don't fool with. You know why? Because we don't have the same fucking values. Correct. I don't give a damn if we are blood. We don't have the same values. I don't fuck with you.

SPEAKER_00

And I I completely agree. Um, there's no differing opinion here. Um, I do think that people assume just because it's blood and you know what families are supposed to be, I don't know what you see on TV, but that that should automatically be a pass and the values be different. You know, some your cousins ain't raised the same way you are. You could have a sibling that's not raised the same way you are. Chow. And because of the closeness and proximity to it, I I think sometimes even a harder boundary has to be set. Yeah. When it comes with family members that you're not aligned with because they they will try to step over that line, habitual line steppers. Yeah. You know, just because it's like we we blood. Yeah. You know, and I think that's that's like glaring, like which is even more disrespectful.

SPEAKER_02

Like, wouldn't you want to respect my space and boundaries considering that we are blood? Like, go disrespect a motherfucker off the street. Why would you do me like that? Oh no.

SPEAKER_00

You can love them from a distance, you know. At the end of the day, if something happens to them, I'll be there. Yeah. But it it it's from a distance. Yeah. You have to create those boundaries too. You have to understand what's healthy and what's not, what's compatible, what is not. That's you know, you can have fun. We can have fun at the barbecue, and I'm I'm not trusting you with my car keys. Yeah. Like whatever it is. You bet you cannot watch my baby.

SPEAKER_02

You cannot watch my baby. Because why you got yours taken away?

SPEAKER_00

You don't even have your kids. No, you can't watch my baby. Ain't got no job, want to borrow some money. How you gonna pay me back?

SPEAKER_02

You can't. You can't you don't plan to. You never plan to.

SPEAKER_00

Never plan to.

SPEAKER_02

And if I give it, I don't even need it back. The fact is, you're lying. Just tell me. Well, you know when you loan money out, you can't assume you never give it back to it. But also, just tell me you need it. Don't tell me you're gonna pay me back. Because I'm never gonna loan out what I don't have. Correct. But they're gonna call every month for some money. For sure. And that's why you can't give it to them. It's a bad habit. Hey, every celebrity that has ever gotten wealthy and been asked that question, they tell you, I ain't letting these motherfuckers borrow no money. They ain't pay me back, they ain't got it. And it's not even about giving them money. It's not about the act, it's the fact that you are gonna start creating a habit and this person is never gonna fend for themselves. They'll abuse it. They'll abuse it. Now write me up a business plan and tell me what I'm investing in, and maybe I'll think about it. I'll help you start it up. Because then they would have the same values. Exactly. And then we wouldn't, we wouldn't be here. And this is why I don't fuck with you now.

SPEAKER_00

Full circle. Full circle moment.

SPEAKER_02

And this is why I don't fuck with you now.

SPEAKER_00

Full circle moment. Now let's get into like potential. Like, can attraction grow? Like, can yes, can we meet and like we stir up?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, can we light the fire? Totally. That's how the medium ugly thing happens, right? You have this medium ugly person that you have chemistry with. Let's go. And you know they're medium ugly, but you have chemistry with. Okay. You guys, you know, are mentally there and maybe even physically. And it's like, oh, you know what? That funny looking thing about you, it's kind of cute. Not the funniest thing. Because you make me laugh. And that funny looking thing about you. But you kind of like it now. Because you know what I'm talking about. You decide like that. He kind of. And then like, I like you now. And I think that funny looking thing about you gives you character.

SPEAKER_01

It becomes character. Now it now it's not like a jugly ass thing about you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's it's character now. You really do be justifying it because all your friends know this motherfucker funny. You know it. It's character.

SPEAKER_00

I had a whole relationship off of attraction. Yes. But attraction growing. Like, didn't see this, like this person could have walked right by me, didn't matter. Was try like he really put the work in to like create a space of like emotional and like just safety around me and making sure I was good all the time, where like I saw him, like legit just saw him differently and became attracted to like how comfortable he made me feel. Yeah. Cause like other than that I was like, no, we cool, we friends, but like it he really created a safe space where it was like like somebody allowing you to be vulnerable and like absolutely attraction, legit grew. And then when we were together, like I didn't see nobody else, like I didn't really see anything because like this was my safe space, and I talked to him all the time. And you know, so I I do believe for a fact that attraction can grow with the dynamic of the relationship. Yeah, I mean you ain't gonna go from like a four out of ten to a you're not gonna magically be Denzel Washington.

SPEAKER_02

No, never. You know, you you don't go from Vin Rames to Denzel Washington.

SPEAKER_00

You might start going to the gym and lose a little pot belly.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but you know what I think. Dress nicer. You know what I think. Let me hear you. I think it's when the ego comes down. Because I think I think literally, like you said, when once you allow this person to um let them show you how safe you could be, that's when you start lowering those boundaries. Yep, ego starts going out the door. Yep. And now you're like, you know what? This is the only person I truly see because they truly see me and make me feel heard and protected.

SPEAKER_00

I like that. Now, with that threshold, like what's your threshold? Like, if in three dates said they've not stirred up something in you, are you done?

SPEAKER_02

You're done. You don't even first time. I I think you're weird. Three dates, I don't like all of that. I ain't got no rules. I don't, I don't have no real rules around dating. I don't I don't do no, oh, hold out for three months. Baby, if I met you in three minutes and I want to do it, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_00

Fair.

SPEAKER_02

Not literally, but literally. Like I live my life on my terms. I don't allow society or what the people think. But my business is also not out there. So if I did or didn't do it, motherfuckers wouldn't know anyway. You know what I mean? So for me, I don't really have this like, oh, I I'm not really sure. Let me go out two more times. Fuck that. That shit, I ain't like it. I'm out of here. You'll never hear from me again.

SPEAKER_00

Now let me get superficial. Does financial stability or success increase attraction for you? 1000%.

SPEAKER_02

There's nothing. There's nothing more attractive than a stable man. There you go. Even if he's not good looking, honey. So with that being said, yes, money does make you look better because that lets me know the way you think. That lets me know you're ambitious. That lets me know you are disciplined to a certain extent in some areas, right? You gonna get up and take your ass to work, right? You're not a lazy dude, right? Um, that lets me know you also have vision, you know where you're going. So there are parts of, you know, money making people attractive, and it's not because you're gonna give me some money. You having money has nothing to do with you even giving it to me. So saying I think you look good because you got money on the most basic level is not true. What I'm saying is when you're dating someone and they are doing well in, you know, their finances, it kind of releases those character um values that you're like, uh, I don't even have to ask you certain things because it has been revealed to me just in the way that you move and through your emotion and through your um independence, your financial independence and stability. No, it does make you attractive. Don't know women want an unstable man. I've never heard nobody say, let me find the brokest man in the fucking room.

SPEAKER_00

We ain't gold anymore. Yeah, no, yeah. It is expensive out there in this world. And like, if we're in a dating relationship, obviously money's gonna be spent. Yeah. Money's gonna be spent. Either I'm gonna spend it or you're gonna spend it, or we both gonna spend it. So if you ain't got it and you are unstable or not successful, that means I'm gonna spend it. And that means that's my inconvenience. So I don't want to spend my money. I don't mind spending it, but it's also like it's burden shifting.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. Now it's the burden has shifted to me. We gotta already be there. Like what I'm saying is like even in marriage, sometimes I'm gonna be up and my husband might be down. Sometimes I might be down and my husband is up. But in the whole dating and figuring it out, I'm not going big over a man that's not my husband. Correct. I'm not saying I'm afraid to take care of financial weight because anything can happen in this life. What I am saying is I ain't doing that without a ring on my finger. The hell I look like doing driving my car, staying at my apartment, not paying no rent. What? I don't even do the whole cohabit cohabitation thing. You know I'm real big on that. Like I will not move in with a man until I have a ring on my finger. We can be engaged. I'm not saying we have to already be married, but we have to be engaged. I just can't. No, I get it. Um with that being said, dun dun dun dun, that brings me to hashtag real life scenarios. So we're gonna do some rapid fire. Yuri and I are gonna ask each other questions that are yes and no. Ready? Go ahead. Okay. Electrochemistry, passionate, but financially irresponsible. Continue dating, yes or no?

SPEAKER_00

No, we just we just already broke this down. Um, but no, I and I I appreciate those other qualities. Thank you. At basically, sorry, not sorry, because at this age, I'm I'm not dealing with that. At 41, I can't you have to be potential. Yeah. I I it or you you have to have a plan that is manifesting. Yeah, you don't gotta be all together, but it's it's building and it's on the right track, and there's movement and and promise. Fair enough. Brianna. Here we go. Stable, aligned with your goals, emotionally mature, but sexually a six out of ten. Do we continue dating? Yes. I've had worse. You got ED and you just go You've grown so much. You grow about do that mouthwork?

SPEAKER_02

You write. Okay then. I'm gonna go get some toys. But do that mouthwork. Alright. Yuri. Great sex, misaligned long-term goals, would you marry?

SPEAKER_00

No. No, because we talk about marriage now. Yeah, we're talking about marriage. Literally, misaligned long-term girls. What do we even get married for? We not, we not. We we I already know we ain't there. And if if our long-term girls are not aligned at 40, we the the the goals is now. Yeah, the goals are literally like we're talking about what we're gonna do in the next 20 years. Hell no. I like that. Which brings me to our last point.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, sis. Be serious. Say what you actually want. If someone is not aligned in your goals, your values, chemistry, compatibility, tell them to kick rocks. Because why are we still doing the tango in spaces that we are not aligned in?

SPEAKER_00

It makes no sense. It's a waste of time. And it it there's a cost to it. It is. I think people don't realize it can drain energies, it could distract you from what you have going on. I mean, sometimes we have room for that, but I I do think, especially I think where we both are in life, we're we're assessing those things quicker, you know, and really gauging whether this is really compatible, whether it's aligned. I mean, if you want, we're gonna play around, we're gonna have a good night. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna have some chemistry, but also realizing that this is chemistry and not compatibility. 100%.

SPEAKER_02

You know, on that note, yes. I want y'all to sip on this while you watch this episode. We are drinking Gray Goose Altius Honey. You're right, we're a little different. We like vodka, we're vodka girls, we like a good martini, but this is so beautiful. We are drinking it neat. So, with that being said, thank you so much for tuning in to season two, episode one of the Don't Piss Me Off podcast. My name is Brianna.

SPEAKER_00

My name is Yuri. Please, please subscribe to our YouTube channel. We are now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Send us your emails, info at don'tpissmeoff pod.com. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok. We're gonna keep it interesting for you guys. Season two is just getting started. So until next time, don't piss me off.