You're Not Intimate. You're Just Physical.

You’ve shared space. You’ve shared time. Maybe even your body.
But have you actually shared yourself?

This episode slows everything down and asks a heavier question:
Are you building real intimacy… or just maintaining access?

We unpack the difference between physical closeness and emotional connection, and why so many people confuse consistency, chemistry, and proximity for something deeper. Because the truth is—
access is easy. vulnerability isn’t.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome to the Don't Piss Me Off podcast. If you love Black Girl Brilliance, unfiltered opinions in real talk, baby, you are in the right place. My name is Brianna.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

My name is Yuri, and today's episode, we're getting intimate. Now, the real question is: are you intimate or are you just being physical?

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Are you asking me?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Well, today we want to break down. Like, I think people are confusing intimacy and they're just thinking about sex, right? We just thinking about, you know, getting in the bedroom, but intimacy is bigger than that.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Totally. I think people uh get naked before they get honest. A word. A word. A word. A word. They get naked before they get honest. And I think we are living in such a microwave culture where we just want something and we want it fast and we want it now, even just the feeling of love, even though it's fake love or not love at all. But before we get into that, honey, Theory, what pissed you off this week?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I like to usually stay on brand with these, but I have it's it's more friendship-based. Um, I'm gonna bring it to when people that you claim are your friends or your or your tribe coming to you to bring gossip to you, you know, at what point does that gossip become toxic? Like I had a friend of mine bring some information to me about somebody talking to me who she thought was like another friend of mine. And obviously, I want to know, like, I'm I was happy she championed me in the moment, like, who the fuck are you talking about? But at what point does this discussion of negative talk become toxic to to me and her? Right? Like it's like, okay, I know, thank you. I appreciate you. I appreciate you standing up, and then like they're a non-factor, it's enough, you know. So like it's not necessarily pissed me off, but like I really had to sit back and be like, I don't need to talk about people that don't matter. I'm happy that you were pissed about it, but I'm also like moving right along to the people that that matter, you know. But like, you know, I think there are people that feed off of like that negativity, and I'm just not one of them, you know, whether it's good or bad. Yeah. I'm like, you by all means put on your superwoman cape and fight that out. I'm not fighting nobody. I don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yeah, and I think there's a little bit of a difference between spilling a little tea. Because you know, tea is fun, it's lighthearted. You know what I mean? Straight up gossip, you gotta have something better to do. Correct. You have to. I don't like how gossip makes me feel. Same. Like when I'm really for real, like sitting there talking shit about somebody, it feels yucky to me.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Yeah. And I feel like I'm perpetuating the same thing that I don't like. You know, like it's one thing, okay, to have information, but then I think there's a part where I don't like the negativity I'm allergic to, like, I need to let it go. You know? But girl. How's your week been?

SPEAKER_01 2:59

What pissed you off this week? You know what? I don't know if it pissed me off this week, but what does piss me off? Talk to me. I feel like when because we're talking about intimacy versus what, love, actual connection. Correct. Um actually, we're talking about intimacy versus physical connection. So for me, I think it's so weird when somebody thinks they're in a relationship with somebody and somebody else is dating, and then people want to be mad at you for seeing somebody that they're not even really seeing either. You don't even know what's going on. I've you done got physical and thought you was being intimate whole time. This person's single as hell.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Hey, that titles these days don't really count anyway.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

So, yeah. So I think, and that also pisses me off. What's the weird thing about being like, hey, let's establish what this is. Are we friends with benefits? Are we just dating? Are we truly getting to learn and know each other? Is this building to a relationship? Well, then people would have to be transparent and vulnerable now, wouldn't they?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

They would have to get intimate, wouldn't they? Break it down. Break it down.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

But what I like about this particular episode is I think there is a lot of confusion around giving yourself to someone, um, but not fully giving yourself to someone because I think accessibility and having access to people um confuses what is actually happening in the real in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

For sure. And when I can't help but not have this glaring like word in my head as you talk, like it's like you got a fuck buddy, right? Like if you got that person, you are intimate, you are in the sheets. There's closeness. There is, you know, a physical touch. There's like you you're there with this person all the time. But like, are you really getting vulnerable? Is there a true connection? Does this person just have access to you versus actually knowing you and knowing who you are? Correct.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Probably not.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Yeah. Probably not.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Because one thing about me, I'm gonna shut it down. I'm a wall, honey. Emotional wall. Like if it's you be the one. If it's just sex, like literally, like we cool, give me five on the backhand side. Like it's like that's the only reason I call it. Opening up? Oh has somebody ever tried to open up to you like it was like an F and B relationship, and they tried to open up and you, you know how you close the top of your nightgown a little bit, you like clutch clothes, and they're like getting a little emotional.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Like, did you just get emotional, right? Like, damn, that sucks. Sorry, sorry to hear that. Yeah, what do you want me to say? You're like, I don't even think of you like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

I feel like you have a recent example with that one. I don't. I have nothing recent to share.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Okay. Do you? No, I don't. I don't. Um, I told you I'm back in that situationship period. Like, I don't got nobody where it's, you know, we we know what the boundaries are. I do feel like sometimes men don't like the boundaries. They want to believe they're the only one and they want to, you know, but do this. We know what this is. We know what this is. So don't act like you want to hold hands and share your it's it's okay. You can save that for whoever else you're dealing with. Whoever that is, whoever that is, I don't, it don't matter to me.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Do you think you could have just pure physical attraction without emotional access? Or do you think there is some emotional aspect that ends up happening, especially when there's repetition and closeness and proximity to someone that you see a lot? Is there a way to keep it strictly just physical, or do you think emotional access ends up happening?

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Well, that's what that was that the hormones becoming that oxytocin be coming out like the luteophase. Listen. Um I, I mean, everybody's different, but I do need some level of emotional connection for the physical connection to be good, right? Like, I guess there's times when, like, okay, it's a need, but I don't necessarily operate where I'm just having all these physical connections with, I need a little bit of intimacy, but that also means some months be dry, you know? So, but I I I like a little bit of emotional connection, but that usually turns into me like it's okay. Like, you could keep that, you can wrap all that up and keep it to yourself. Oh my gosh. So, which is it? I have people that I if I need it, I know where to get it. But in terms of engaging in somebody new where I know this is not going anywhere just for an option, that's not my cup of tea because I I just feel like I'm a deep person in general. Like I love the intimacy of like the intellect and all that. So like it can be terrible when I got nothing. Like, so I tend to not expand the the pool if I don't need to, if I know it's only for that. That's what I mean. Like if there's potential, okay. But if if it's not like, dude, you ain't it ain't it ain't that good for me. Respectfully. Respectfully, respectfully. It ain't that good. I'll still pack up my shit and be like, okay, you can get out now. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Chow. Um what what do you think about sex without vulnerability? Like, I know you say for you, you prefer to have some type of, you know, emotional connection, but what about when the other person, and it could be male or female, it when there's just no vulnerability, do you think that that is something that helps us grow, or do you feel like honestly, ooh, just you just soul tying all over the place?

SPEAKER_00 8:37

I think it depends on the person. Like, I I don't form soul ties easily at all. You see soulless bitch. Cold blooded. Um, I just don't. So for me, it the sex ain't gonna make it better. Like, I I do believe that there has to be some emotion already there that you're holding on to when you have sex. Like it just doesn't conjure up out of nowhere. You know, like it has to be like, oh, like I had hope and I thought he was gonna be, and then the sex is like, oh yes. But I don't think that that in in and of itself is what creates these bonds. You know what I mean? But it's people are different. There'd be people out here that have sex one time and now they're in love with the person. I don't know. That's true. Have you ever been physically close to somebody that you were emotionally distant from? Absolutely. Was it your choice or theirs? Like, was it all mine?

SPEAKER_01 9:35

You ain't no better. Well, I mean, and it's it's like you said, it's not something that's like often like I'm running around looking for no emotional connection. I just think sometimes things happen. Like sometimes there's an attraction because of proximity, and you know this person ain't shit. That hell, you might not be shit at that moment either. So right now we're not shit. Literally. We're about to go, you know, do what we do. But I I have, and I don't think that there is, you know, I'm not anti-sex, you know, get it how you live, pimp it. Yeah. However, you know, I have had, you know, a time or two where, you know, it was like, oh, we cool, but I don't see you any further. Like, I don't see you as a partner. But, you know, we vibe, we're we are cool. There's chemistry. I there's chemistry, but I won't emotionally be vulnerable with you. I don't trust you with my soul. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Let me say that. I think it's definitely like you could acknowledge chemistry with the person, but it's not like some full-blown like connection, like, oh, I need to meet your mother. Yeah. But I do think there needs to be a level of chemistry there for me. Like, there's gotta be something, you know, to it where I'm like, okay, we could do this. Well, you're not just gonna fuck Tom off the street just because it's like Tom, poor just snatch Tom right off the street.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Right. But I do think, you know, there is a big difference between chemistry and just emotional safety and vulnerability. And I think the two don't have to live in the same space all the time. And then we we talk about being young professional women, we talk about being visible and dating, but sometimes, you know, you just need somebody to come over, scratch the itch, and go home. Like, you know what I mean? Like it, it I don't actually have the capacity for this to be anything right now. And I think men think they hold the cards and whether this moves forward or not. And sometimes, you know, the shoe be on the other foot, and sometimes the guy wants more. And the the woman is like, actually, I I don't have space for this, but I enjoy when you come over at 9:30 p.m.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

There. Then, like, okay, so I was also like reading something that like compared like like defining loneliness versus like social isolation. Like, people define, like, okay, I'm gonna stay away from everybody, I'm not gonna engage and I'm I'm not going to um extend myself in social atmospheres and then like still like feeling lonely, like loneliness, like you could still be outside and come home and feel lonely. Like you could still You can be lonely outside. You could be lonely outside, you know. Like, are people overcompensating with what they think is intimacy and still be coming home and like with no connection and could feel lonely? For sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

You know, I think that is the culture we are in right now, which is crazy. I think that this environment has designed so much space from having any type of closeness, just with media being in our palm all the time. Um, I was reading something about, you know, there was, and I don't want to quote it verbatim, but there was something about a poll of how many women in the last few years have actually been asked out on a date in person. Uh and the numbers were terrifying because people are doing everything via DM, via text. No one is calling and no one's asking in person. If you meet me out and we're at a lounge or a gala or dinner, whatever, and you know you want to take me out, why not just ask me out? Correct. Why get my phone number, wait a couple of days, and then send a text? Like, where are the men, honey?

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Or like just literally being taken out on a date. Like a like a not just out to dinner, like not the club. Me and my girl can go out to dinner, you know, but like legit a planned experience where you are showing her something about you, you're learning about her, but I feel like people aren't even taking women out on dates.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Yeah. I mean, and that's vulnerability in itself, you know, approaching someone, introducing yourself, and asking them to go out with you. There is some vulnerability in that. And maybe there's the, you know, feeling of rejection. Um, maybe there's the feeling of, you know, ego. Maybe, you know what I mean? I feel like ego's huge. Especially men now, like they want to be chased. They want to be asked out. It's so weird. Who the bitch? Who the bitch. Am I bringing you flowers? What are we doing? Maybe I got I gotta pick you up. Passenger princess and I gotta pick you up. Passenger princess. You know, don't really be having cars like that out here either. People don't be having cars. Let me drop you off by the train. Okay. And I'm I'm fine with a commuter, but no, you're not. You ain't gonna you ain't gonna get the black truck at least. Like, no, no, I'm fine with a commuter. That ain't my business if you decide to take the bus to work. You know, because I feel like cities like Chicago and New York, a lot of people commit differently. You know, you're now if this was LA, that's a little different. You need a car to get LA. Yeah, and yeah, you can't do that. But like, this is a commuter city, cool. You don't got a car, but like black truck it up. At least for the day. At least for the day. Sell it to me.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Sell me, please. Please, please, please. Sell me the illusion. But like you're you're so right about like today's society. Like, even, I mean, I'm on like one, but Lord Jesus, I can't stand them. I go on and then I take it off. But like modern dating apps, like this immediate, like based on a physical appearance, you swipe left, like swipe right, like there's just no genuine getting to know. Like, it's just this um swipe left culture. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Take horrible pictures, so I'm swiping X on everybody. X, X, X, X, X. I hate a male selfie. Nobody gets a checkbox. I mean no male selfies. Oh my gosh. Some of them look like serial killers. Like, you know what they'd be what no, seriously. Some of them look like serial killers.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

It's in your eyes. You've like you ever see the pictures where they'll like post themselves with like an ex-girlfriend and then like put an emotional. Oh my God, that's the worst.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Kills me. You couldn't take a picture before, like just a selfie by yourself when you uploaded this profile. You decided the picture with your ex because probably it was the best decent picture because she made sure you look like it's like a suit on. Yeah, she made sure you look good, and then then you're gonna crop her out or put an emoji over her face. Yeah, so weird. I'm off it. I'm so off it. Like comfort versus connection. Like, I'm just so over it. Yeah, I'm over, you know, people doing things for the sake of doing things. I'm over the lack of connection and intellectual conversations that are not being had. Like, and then when you do talk to people, you realize you're dumb as fuck. You're actually an idiot. You're dumb.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

We just talked about it.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

That's why, yeah, that's literally why you can't be vulnerable because you're dumb. You ever realize like people are like, I think we need to remember that some people are dumb. No, I know it sounds mean, but I don't give a shit. Like, some people are like, I know what classroom you were in in middle school, buddy. And it was when all the regular kids were still in class.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

What's that Viva Davy saying that, you know, you were in Instagram? But like back when we was young, there was like different classes for the slow people. I know I put classes. They just put everybody together on Instagram. Throwing them all in there. Just throwing them all together. Just all on my timeline. All of it ain't no weeding out, nothing. You know, I had to take a test to get here. No fucking nothing. Nothing. Just fucking made a fucking name and that's walking around undiagnosed. Chow. I can't. Undiagnosed. I'm cannot. But an intellectual, like that's huge for me. Like, I'm I'm a nerd at heart, you know, and I need to be able to have those conversations for me to like to remain interested and involved and enthused by our fucking conversations. And you're right, a lot of people just don't got it. Or just like, I don't even need you to be like a nerd like me, but also just have some insight or, you know, some pop culture. Give me I can start with pop culture. We can start with pop culture. Do you know anything that's going on? But but then it but then the people that everybody got a soapbox and got a comment about the news, but they don't know what the fuck they're talking about too at all. I I just be getting quiet around those people. I'd be like, by all means, this is not my space. Listen, it's not your space because it's gonna fall on deaf ears.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Deaf ears, okay? Like, wow. And I think like even as we talk about being vulnerable and being intimate, I think that even if you don't have an emotional space with this person, there is a respect and attraction for so for how someone thinks, right? So, like, even when we talk about casually being with somebody, like, okay, cool, I know this is not going further than what I want it to go further than, right? However, you know, I respect the man to some degree if I'm letting you climb on top of me, Chatter. For sure, for sure. You know, like there's gotta be some type of intellectual conversations. There's have there has to be some substance within this person for this to even get to that point where I'm like, oh, okay, at minimum, I know what you're good for. At minimum. Fair. Like at minimum, I know what you're good for. I know this isn't gonna be a relationship. I know, you know, I do not want to share my soul with you and, you know, go through my life story with you. But you know what? I appreciate that we have great conversations. We go out, we go to dinner. I'm stimulated.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

There's something to talk about. It's not like filling silent dead space. Like, yeah, no, because there's that. Or like the people that you need to have a drink before. Oh my gosh. Because there's I've had that where it's like, bartender, can I get the drink first? Because we have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I'm the topic. Let me talk about myself. Please, because I'm getting nothing.

unknown 19:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

I'm getting nothing.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

There's this thing about having access to people, right? Like, you know when somebody tried to tap back in to see if they can still fuck, and just because they got access to your number because you might respond once they think they still tapped in with you in that way. And you're like, actually, I'm controlling this access.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Oh, for sure. That is me, like a thousand and twenty percent. Because I'd be like, no, I I don't, I do not, I do not fall for that at all. Um, that's not because my brain be tied to every fucking thing. So I'll be like, no, you done pissed me off already. So I don't want it no more. Like, I'm once I get the ick, I'll be done. I don't yeah. Once I get that ick, and it it doesn't have to come in the like it, it's not necessarily physical or but whatever that is that turned me off, I'll be like, I'm good on it. Yeah. Because I then I no longer have that physical desire. So yeah, I'd be like, Yeah, it's okay. You could you could keep whatever you have back there. Yeah, once I know you're dumb, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Like, oh my God. We're about to be dumb together. Yeah. Like once I know you're dumb, I'm done. But also I feel like, ooh, one thing that gives me the ick is like when you're dating someone for like a good period of time. And maybe there's some intimacy, um, but you can't move further than that because you can only uh meet a per you can only meet a person as far as they've met themselves. You know what I mean? You know when things are getting really good and then you realize this person doesn't have the capacity or the tools, so this has to stop right here, and I gotta walk away. And then you see them later on and you're like, yuck. What the fuck was I doing?

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah, that's that's gross. That's gross. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I get it. I damn sure get it, you know. But I give up, I give myself grace when that happens, right? Like, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

I I I beat myself in the head about it, and then I get real mean and act like I don't see you, child. You literally do not exist anymore.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Well, the limit does not exist. Fair. In those, like, do you think, like, was that you being vulnerable or like you just gave them a little bit of access and you regret it?

SPEAKER_01 21:22

No, it's not even a regret, it's more of a vulnerability, like, wow, okay, this was cute. This could have grown, but because you don't have the tools and you're limiting yourself on the tools, yuck. Fair.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Like, ill, do you think it's like what do you think people's limits like come from? Right? So, like, if you're not allowing yourself to be intimate, it's like you're not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Is it fear? Is it ego? Yeah, you know, I think it's fear.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Like people, I child, if I talk about trauma one more time, it's dangerous, and especially trauma with men, girl, men have one girl break their heart and now they fake for. Forever. Like, not check for real. Like, just foofy. Like, you wack as shit. Like, ugh. Like, okay, the bitch broke your heart two years ago. Get the fuck on. Like, love again. Like, I can't stand someone, male or female, who allows someone in their past to keep them from living life and exploring something beautiful, whether whether it turned out into a relationship or not. I just think it's weird as shit to let someone else still have control over your life in that way. Like, please go talk to the fucking lady. I'm so over people not being in fucking therapy. I'm so over people in their fucking childhood trauma. And yes, we all have it. This is not an attack on it, but it is an attack on seeking the fucking help. Because how how old are we going to get and keep using the same fucking excuses? And that teacher never told you you wasn't gonna be shit. You still hold it up to that. That lady never said that. Like, what? Like, go get the help. It's it's so much better on this side. I be having a ball. You know why? Because I be talking to the lady. I be talking to the fucking lady. She knows. She knows. She's the expert. She went to school for this shit. And I tell her play by play, everything I fucking did, everything they fucking did.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

You know, and the I feel like society, a lot of people are just living on that surface, right? Like it's this the fear of getting more intimate and getting more vulnerable to actually have true, meaningful connections. They just living on the surface. And but they think they're being intimate because they're in the bedroom. Yeah. But it's it's they ain't going to see the lady. They don't know why they're not getting deeper, but you just deeper in the sheets. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

And you I saw something on Instagram that I really liked. And it was this gentleman saying, um, friendships are not built through time. They're not built through how much you see someone, they're not built through your access to someone. Friendships are built through honesty. And I think that's why when in girlhood, when you find real friendships and you can be honest, that's all vulnerability. You know, to be honest about your finances, to be honest about your prayer work, to be honest about your relationships, to be honest about your professional work and how you're feeling. Like I think women, we have this amazing way of making each other feel seen, making each other feel heard. And when you have a friend or find a friend that you can be transparent with, like, bitch, I ain't gonna correct you in public, but I'm gonna correct you in private. You were dead wrong when that happened and you reacted like this. You know what I mean? And understand that your friend's not attacking you, that they love you and they want to see you do better and be better. Or in any kind of circumstance, like I should be able to be honest, like, bitch, that was whack. Or, girl, great. This is you're on the up and up. This is what you should continue to be doing. Da-da-da-da. This is a you know, vision for what's to come. Like, we should always be able to be honest. And especially when it comes to men, like, girl, why you keep taking him back? Why you keep taking him back?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

I even I'll say I'll be leaving that battle alone because you know you ain't gonna win until like it's like trying to convince the addict to stop using, like, they ain't gonna stop until they're ready.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Always think of that picture of that meme of Whitney and Bobby, and it'd be like, um, this how much I'm addicted to him. And it's like a picture of Whitney, she got on this fur coat.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Yes, exactly, just like that. Weathered, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Weathered, bitch. You weathered all the storms. Betal. Better lay low. But seriously, it's like, child, and you guys are not even emotionally connected. It's just physical. Why are you still fucking with him? He he disrespects you, he doesn't like you. Like, and I feel like people But you keep giving him access, so he keeps coming back.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

So it's not that. But then it's like you said, it's people not being healed, and then you don't know what actually being like intimate feels like. Because if you did, you wouldn't deal with the bullshit. Like feeling actually truly understood by a partner, a friend, a family member, I feel like it's the greatest feeling. Like you don't they don't even need to explain, you know, like your reactions or anything. Like they just know you and they understand why you do things and how you do them. So when something goes wrong, they're coming from a place of understanding. So it's easier to have conflict and discussions that way. When people don't understand you, that's because they don't know you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

You know, I think that's the hardest part in when you are trying to have and build a friendship is teetering that line between how honest can I be with you, or is this gonna blow up in my face because I care about you? You know, I think that that is definitely in a form of intimacy with your friends. Like, can I be intimate with you? Can I tell you my most deepest vulnerable thoughts, whether they're about me, whether about you or the situation? And are you really going to take heed and hear this and move past it? Or are you gonna hold that against me and be keeping score ready for me to fuck up so that you can throw it back at me?

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yeah, you know, and that's that's a shitty way to live, you know. I mean, because there's there's a lot of inauthentic people out here, but if you can't be vulnerable and intimate with your friends or the closest people to you, and that's something that you're worried about or considering, it's terrible. You know, like it's something something in your circle needs to change.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Do you feel like you are more understood by your friends than with some partners in the past?

SPEAKER_00 27:16

Um it depends. Uh I haven't had a partner in a while. Um partner, partner, partner, what does that look like? Um it depends. I feel like friends have shifted, partners have shifted. I've I've had some partners that have like understood me more than anyone, you know, because I do think there was a level of um constant contact with the person, right? Like it just in general, the fact that I'm talking to and dealing with somebody every day in different spaces, they just knew me better. But then I also know friends that they like they know me like the back of my hand today, you know, and I I don't think necessarily time or length of time I've known one person versus the other. Like I I've met new friends that know me better than some friends I've known just because of maybe the person that I am today and how I share and things that have happened in life, right? And the woman that I might meet now might understand more about me than the person, the friend that I've known since high school, right? Because they've known that version of me better because I don't see them as often, but the person that knows me now done been through the same shit I've been through. So like there's stuff I I could blink and she'd be like, yeah. You know, so I think it just depends, you know, the the person, the stage in life, you know, at this point in life, I don't I only want people around me that will be intimate with me the way I'll be intimate with them.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

A hundred percent. Because if I can't feel safe around you, whether it's, you know, a friendship or you know, a gentleman caller. Um, you know, I I love I love life. And we talk about, you know, me and how I'm an optimist, but I think part of being an optimistic person is being able to just be free and be me in all spaces and all places at all times. And just like you said, like if I'm quiet, I need I need somebody to know and look like me was good. Like, you know what I mean? Or sometimes I'm quiet and you like she's straight, she just copesthetic right now, you know. So I think that is very important. Um now what we do need to get to talk to me if talking every day and spend to time together every day is closeness, but you avoid deeper topics. Is that intimacy? Is that a problem?

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Fuck no, that ain't no that's not intimacy. If you avoid deep topics, I'll I swim in the deep, deep horizon, deep water. I I my friends call me like intense sometimes. Like I only want to talk about the deep shit. I watch the deep documentaries. I I want to stay deep. I don't like no superficial, disingenuous shit. So to me, that is not intimacy if you're especially if it's if you're avoiding the deep conversations, then what we here for? I could I could meet somebody at the bar and talk shit and then have a shit. I can meet Joe Bob, Sarah, Karen, Susan, and leave them. You know, like I if if you're trying to build intimacy, it's hell no.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

And how the hell are you hanging out every damn day anyway without bringing up some deep shit?

SPEAKER_00 30:10

That's what I'm saying. How the hell is that happening?

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Now I don't trust you. Now I don't trust you. Because how is that happening? Um people be serial killers. I'm telling you, I'm t they I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Now, you asked me this, but I'm gonna make it Dexter Morgan. Love Dexter Morgan, love Dexter. I'm gonna ask it more like in a concrete way. If you feel more understood by a friend than your partner, is that a problem?

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Ooh, ooh, that's a good question. And I say that's a good question because I think as women, because my partner would be a male, I'm a heterosexual female. I think women sometimes we understand each other more quickly and more naturally. And sometimes the partner, it takes a day or two to process for them to get it. Yep. So I don't want to say that it's a problem, you know, and I and I'm not a big on like venting to your friends about your man unless he's beating on you. If he's beating on you, you gotta tell somebody. But I think little stuff, um, you know, I'm I'm not too big on that. But I do think when it comes to getting someone's perspective, your girlfriends are gonna understand you because they live in a woman's body, they understand, you know, the matrix of our minds. Very true. So I'm not gonna say it's a problem, but what I will say, the problem is when my partner doesn't try to understand me. Oh, for sure. Because I don't, I'm not gonna expect you to get it right away. We're two different people, right? And then also just we're wired differently at men and women. However, the problem would be if you are not trying to understand my point of view, if you're not trying to understand why I feel this way, good, bad, or indifferent. Oh, for sure. I agree. I definitely agree with that. Well, Yuri, I think we kept it 100 today.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

As 100 as you could keep it.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

And you know what? We are drinking Patron 100. This right here, always additive free, but particularly no water added to the distillation. So on that note, I'm gonna sip on this with you, girl. Girl.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

And until next time, please follow us on all of our IG. Don't piss me off pod. Send us your emails because we've been enjoying reading them. And follow us on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Next time, we're gonna talk about micro cheats and major drama. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

Love a micro cheat. Listen, because what that means, you know, I know what it means. Don't piss me off.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Until next time, everyone.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Cheers.