Don't Piss Me Off Podcast

Everyone’s Replaceable Now — And It’s Changing How We Act

• DPMO • Season 2 • Episode 5

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0:00 | 41:31

Season 2 Episode 5 is a thought-provoking conversation about commitment, connection, emotional detachment, and what happens when loyalty starts to feel optional. Bryana and Yuri unpack the rise of “replaceability culture” — the mindset that everything and everyone can be swapped out the moment things get uncomfortable.

From dating apps and job hopping to ghosting friendships and avoiding emotional investment, the conversation explores how endless options have changed the way people commit, connect, and communicate.

The episode asks difficult but necessary questions:
• Are people actually choosing — or just browsing?
• Has access to more options made people less satisfied?
• Are we protecting ourselves… or avoiding depth altogether?

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to the Don't Piss Me Off podcast. If you love black girl brilliance, unfiltered opinions, and real talk, baby, you are in the right place.

SPEAKER_00

My name is Brianna. And my name is Yuri. Last time we were here, we talked about micro cheating. Today we're gonna talk about being replaceable. Everybody's replaceable now, and it's changing how we act, Brianna. I don't know if it's changing how I act.

SPEAKER_01

I act the same child. Because I feel like, you know, people have been less committed for a long time. And I think social media has exaspered exacerbated, you know, how we view relationships, how we re how we view friendships, how we view jobs. Everything. Everything is just what they think is so microwave. But at the end of the day, I don't think anyone is putting forth effort. I think they think I can just quit this and move on, whether it's in a friendship, a relationship, or a job. And in some aspects, that that can be true if you are not being valued. I completely agree with that. You can always move on and replace this with something else. But I think the problem is when you do wrong by good people.

SPEAKER_00

Or you think something's better out there, like it's the illusion of something better. Oh, I got an option, I got options. Maybe you don't. You don't. Maybe you also the what the option you're looking for is not up to your standard or up to your caliber. You know, like maybe it's something out there where maybe you ain't doing what you need to do to reach the standard that you have in your brain, you know? You got options, but don't want to be treated like an option. Oh a word, a word. A word. But as we do every week. What pissed you off this week, Rihanna?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think it goes back to the whole options thing. Everybody wants to have options until they are one. Yep. You know, everybody wants you to be exclusive to them, but they don't want to be exclusive to you. And that pisses me off because I am a person that, you know, wants to pour in into people, friendships, places, spaces, relationships, um, and invest. And people who don't want to add value want to take your value. Yep.

SPEAKER_00

There you go.

SPEAKER_01

It ain't right.

SPEAKER_00

No, not at all. Not at all. What pissed you off this week? This is a recurring thing. I hate the why are you single question. Like almost in the question, you're trying to imply, like, oh, something must be wrong with you. Oh, like, without question, you should be in a relationship. One, nowadays relationships are fucking embarrassing. Vogue said it. I mean, it's it's literally public embarrassment if it ain't with the right one and there's a lot of the wrong one out there. And like just people coming up, not people, but like this week it was like somebody specific, like, oh, like what's wrong? Like something must be wrong with you, something you must be crazy. Mind you, it's a dude trying to holler, but also in a situation shit.

SPEAKER_01

I was just gonna say, it's always somebody who has something going on asking you about your status. Correct. What the fuck does it matter? Correct.

SPEAKER_00

And literally, you are the glaring red flag about why I'm not in one because of people like you. Exactly. Because whoever your your your person is at home not knowing you at this bar trying to holler.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Exactly. And it's not like you're asking me because you're like, man, this is a good woman. I got a buddy who I think you would be great with. That's never the case. It's never the case.

SPEAKER_00

Never. Never the case. Bunch of eight shit, you know, people hanging out together.

SPEAKER_01

Oof, child the ghetto. I can't. And I feel like, you know, even when people have something going on at home, there's always like that slight door open to see if there's something better. Even if you're not acting on it. Yeah. Well, it kind of goes back to almost that micro cheating conversation. Like, yeah, you may not be acting on anything. However, you are fishing. Fishing. Throwing the pole out there, girl. You throwing the pole out there, and maybe you're not reeling it in based off of the reaction you get from the opposing party, male or female. But I feel like people are always one foot in, one foot out, fishing.

SPEAKER_00

That's what it is. That's really what it is. It's it's a shame. Because, like, like we were saying, it's changing the effort you put in. Yeah. Because that's really what becomes the issue. It's one thing to think, okay, maybe this person isn't for me. Let me, you know, find my like right situation. But if you start not giving the effort that a relationship or a connection needs to see if it's what it's supposed to be or if it's for you, you're not giving the job a chance, you're not giving the friend a chance. And then you're putting in less effort, they ain't even getting to see who you are. You don't even get to see what this can be before you move on right away. And then you're just doing a bunch of half-ass shit.

SPEAKER_01

So I guess what we're asking is, you know, have options made us better or just less committed?

SPEAKER_00

Unfortunately, in this day and age, and you said it, social media, I I in in relationship spaces, I think it's it's less commitment, less effort, less I think options have hindered us. You know, even and even the way you said that, I like how you said that. Because with the advancement of technology, has that made us lazier? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

I 100% agree.

SPEAKER_00

AI is an amazing tool, but it hasn't has it stopped you from doing any independent analytics.

SPEAKER_01

Why do I feel like you ran this through chat or through Claude before you text me? Correct. Like there's no ridiculous. There's just such a lack of authenticity in just everyone putting on these personas instead of just being authentic to who they are and allowing the room around them to gravitate towards them or for them to find alignment within that.

SPEAKER_00

And what that turns into is then when you actually have in-person conversations with people, then you're the lights ain't on. The light, the light ain't on. No one's home. No one's home. No, no one's home. Literally. Yeah. Because they they're so used to these artificial or like they get help to fucking answer emails, text messages, to build their even a flyer. You know what I can build a fucking flyer themselves no more. You know, it's it's hindering all the creativity because there's no baseline.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I even think with conversations with women who, you know, it seems like they have this, you know, great persona online, and then you meet them in person and there's absolutely no substance. Like how you want to collaborate. That's crazy. We we are not in alignment. We don't know there's no synergy here because you don't have any substance and you lack value, and I just don't move the same. So to partner with you just to look like um, you know, I'm up, or we know the illusion that this is two powerhouses coming together one whole time, you have literally no value in substance.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like this is a very sad state.

SPEAKER_01

It is to be in. It is. We live we live in a polarizing world right now where I feel like everything is magnified times a hundred. And for me, that works in my favor because I'm very vigilant, I'm very observant, and I am very protective over my time, space, and energy. Whitney Long say, if I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Correct, correct. Ain't no beef, ain't no nothing.

SPEAKER_00

I just don't fuck with you. I don't have to have a reason. I don't. And the easier way to break it down than that, in any regard. Like I'm good on it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I don't like the way my soul feels when you're around. You didn't even do nothing to me. It's just something about you. Um my body is telling me, do not fuck with this person.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. And now, in terms of um these options, is it like why does everything feel disposable? Because it's one thing to have an option and you're seeking out a better choice. Yeah. But it's also feeling like you said in terms of effort, like, oh, we're just gonna throw this one by the wayside. Like, we're gonna ignore the potential in something, like, and and toss it away because, oh, a new bright, shiny one came through. Right.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think there's a difference, as you mentioned, between like throwing a trash nigga away and then like throwing away somebody who was doing right by you because you think there's better out there. And I think for a long time I've always had that mindset, not necessarily um not doing well by people, but I've always had the mindset of does this add value to my life? Does this make me better? You know, are we are we pouring into one another? Are we helping each other get to the next thing? And if the answer is no, then there is better. I'm I'm finna fucking skip battle. I'm out this bitch. Like, I don't have no reason to be here. You are not, you are not adding to my life. Like I can already, you know, do what I'm doing by myself. So the whole purpose of partnership is to build and add value.

SPEAKER_00

I want to learn from you too. To one another. Yeah. No, and I I completely agree with that. That it's it's so interesting that people, well, I think what you said was important because there's a part of the learning process and getting to know somebody. Sometimes maybe what you thought this could be is not what it's intended to be. Like, okay, maybe the relationship part didn't work out. Maybe we could be friends, right? Or maybe we were supposed to try this as a business partnership, but that part is not working. Like it's not necessarily a discarding that needs to always happen. Maybe it's like we just gonna shift. Yeah. Maybe you ain't best friend, maybe like, you know, maybe it's one of those, I'll meet you at the party, I ain't picking you up no more. You know what I mean? But I'm not coming to get you. Yeah, I call this out. I'll meet you there, I'll meet you there. You know, I just think that people also are not really understanding that just because you have options, maybe you're putting people in the wrong place. Yeah. You know, and that's your own like alignment and self-assessment and understanding yourself before you understand other people.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And that's like with relationships. People be so quick to want to be with someone without assessing, you know, the entire situation. Like you be so quick to call somebody your man or this is my girl, or you know, this is wifey, or whatever the case may be. And it's almost like there is some type of, I don't know, chase of the of the feeling that you get when someone's new without actually reeling it back in and saying, okay, let me get planted, let me get grounded in let me assess what is this person's values. Cause yeah, we could be attracted all day long, but the values aren't there. And now you two, three weeks in and y'all didn't already humped, bumped, and everything in between. Everything you realize, like, oh, this person has terrible fucking character. Correct. Correct. Terrible character.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you see in the patterns that, you know, and then three months is one thing, next thing six months down the ride, like the road, and you realize this motherfucker late every day, he never pays bills on time. Yeah. And is that somebody you want to start a life with? You know, then you now we're gonna shift your category, bro. Absolutely. You know? Do you think people actually want connection or just options? I think people are confused by that. I don't think everyone knows what they want. That's true. I think there are people that were raised from, you know, like I want marriage, da da da, but then you go out there and you're not behaving like somebody that's looking for the same commitment back. Yeah. You know, like I think you're putting out, you're getting back what you put out. Yeah. You know, and I think some people might have this illusion in their head, but they're not really assessing their own behavior. So I think some people are avoiding commitment, you know, by having these options and they're just and not realizing that it's options or they're trying to hide the fact that no, you really just want something better. You just see it now, like there's a new toy, and you want that. Yeah. And not really assessing, like, why are you not able to keep a job? Why do you have a different best friend every year? Right. What are you running from? Well, I can't stand somebody who changed day for and go see the woman.

SPEAKER_01

Go see the woman. You gotta go talk to the lady. Go talk to the lady. I mean, I actually think that people desire connection while equally fearing it, so they settle for options. Because with an option, I don't have to dig deep. With an option with the intimacy, connection. Yeah, listen. I don't have to dig deep. I don't have to, you know, look in the mirror at myself and answer and be accountable with an option. But when you are connected with someone, whether you want them to or not, they are gonna hold that mirror to your face and put you to the fire because they want you to be the best you.

SPEAKER_00

It's an emotional investment too, right? Because at the end of the day, when you become intimate emotionally with somebody, you're letting your guard down to a point where you're now emotionally invested. I feel like people don't want to do that, you know? Not everybody, right? There's there's people out there that are doing it the right way, but it's there's a lot of that, a lot of superficial everything.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I think people overestimate what's available to them. Oh, yeah. I think I think people think that they literally have all of these options. But when we truly talk about, you know, being connected with someone, someone and having real intimacy and having real conversations, there's not that many options out there. So when you hear people who have been married, you know, 10 years and 12 years or whatever the case may be, they say, you know, this is a choice. This is a choice to be here. I could go somewhere else, but I'm choosing to be here.

SPEAKER_00

You people don't fix things, they replace them.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's like rather than that's so good. Rather than lazy, you know, rather than doing the deep dive, rather than making it a choice to see at least correct this issue. Like, was it me? Was it them? Whatever it is. Was it the job? Was it the fact that I don't like this type of work? What maybe I need to switch careers, or maybe I just don't like to be on time and they make me whatever it is, rather than to address how I can become better in this moment. Let's just switch the whole thing out. Yeah. Let's just replace the whole thing. I I'm not gonna do no self-improvement. I don't care if they do, and I'm just gonna, we're gonna move on.

SPEAKER_01

People don't want to do the work, and and I think people have also just chosen that this is as good as it gets. You know, I wake up every day and I'm like, God, show me how good it can get. Like this is not it for me. Yeah, you know, not in my career, not in my personal life, not in my family life. This isn't it. So I am going to go seek how good it can get versus saying, well, this is where the train stops and this is what's available to me. So I'm gonna settle for things that don't align. I'm gonna settle for friendships that don't align. I'm gonna settle for a job that I fucking hate because it pays the bills and I got a little bit of extra to take a vacation, versus putting in the work to get to receive the life you truly, truly, truly want.

SPEAKER_00

Two different things. And yeah, people they're not doing the work to get better. Yeah. They're just assuming they deserve better or that or better's there and they just gonna go and take it. I don't, I don't know what it is. It's it's interesting how fucking weird people are.

SPEAKER_01

I and it's and especially when you think about the job market. You know, I I know some amazing talented people, degrees out the damn ass, who have been laid off and ain't worked in a year, two years, three years. It's true. Like, and and I think when you consider politics and what's going on in the world, then you also have to look at the mindset of, okay, maybe someone's not settling, but they're parked right now because they have not overestimated their uh their opportunities and their options. They're like, listen, this ain't forever, but I know better than to try to go look for something right now, right?

SPEAKER_00

Obviously, yeah, that's it, it's an intelligent decision. Yeah, sometimes you have to be strategic, but then that's also different from just not pivoting and not knowing where to grow. And I'm just gonna sit here and wait for something, you know, it's or not taking risks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, leap in the net will appear. I think, you know, just like how we say, you know, faith is the belief of things unseen. You have to really be able to know that, listen, I am not being valued here or I've I've hit my ceiling. That so maybe you are valued, but you've hit the ceiling, you've done all you can do in that space. And now it is time for you to pivot and move on and try something new, whether that's entrepreneurship, whether that's a different company. Um, you know, I think people are afraid of taking chances. People decide that, you know what, this is comfortable. There you go. So this is what I'm doing. I'm gonna continue to date five, 10 people who I have no real interest in, no connection with, because once I'm tired of talking to this person for two days, I'm gonna hit up the other one.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. Utilizing an option for growth is necessary. Utilizing an option to fucking plateau across the same fucking straight line that you've been sitting on is shooting yourself in the foot. You know, like you said, just like we just hop in like what the fucking the little lily pads. Like we like, you know, we just going right across the line. Like you're not growing. If you're in something where this is not for you, like you feel like this is not your place and you there's something bigger or better for you, that's different than like, oh, we're just gonna keep shifting down the line till like like where my comfort level is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I do respect job hopping though. I I know a favorite people totally, you know. Um, I have been in hospitality for over 20 years, and I'm I have transitioned over the last couple of years into the corporate side of it. And what I do respect is what I learned from my friends who do job hop, because once again, they know their value. Um there's always someone willing to pay you what you're worth and some. So I think job hopping, which is like it's our generation thing. You know, our parents stayed at a job 10, 20, 15, for sure, however many years. You know, they retire. So they have the retirement party. Literally, literally every time. Right? But in our generation, we have no longevity in these jobs. As soon as motherfuckers start acting weird, we be out. And I'm not mad at that, you know, especially. But companies don't run that way. They don't operate for longevity. They want that turnover. Exactly. And that that was gonna bring me to my next thing to where it's like companies don't value someone who is, you know, hard working and they've been here so long. We can't lay this person off. They've got a family. They will fire you and bring in somebody half your age for half the damn salary these days. And I watched my mother go through that. She was with this company forever. And um, you know, when the opportunity came for her to move around in the space, you know, they ended up, you know, laying people off in her department and then hiring kids out of college, doing it for next to nothing because they didn't want to pay her more. Absolutely. They didn't care about her seniority, they didn't care that she had been there for X amount of time and that she was great at what she did and someone who was on time and likable and all of those qualities that you want in an employee, um, they treated her like an option.

SPEAKER_00

Literally, um and what's interesting, my mother had the same issue at her company where she'd been at for years and years. And they were also every month it was everybody was on the fear of being laid off because they were downsizing. So when you had a job of where 20 people did a task, now it's six, you know, and then that just increases the workload. And it's like if you don't like it, leave.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then I've also seen this didn't happen with you, but there's now like movable workspaces. They don't want nobody feeling like they're comfortable. Literally, like pick a desk when you get in, one or two. I think my mother had some like rule at her job where you could only have two personal items on your desk. Like weird shit.

SPEAKER_01

Bitch, don't get cozy. Literally, why the fuck you got your family photo frame up here? Put that shit.

SPEAKER_00

You can put one frame, one fucking mug. I swear to you, because it literally, because at any, like just disposable, like we don't get too comfortable. Yeah, like you have to pick this up anytime. We don't need you taking the full box out. Throw that shit in your bag and your tote and get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and that forces them to get to know you. And as long as I don't give a shit about you, I can make decisions that are easy very quickly.

SPEAKER_00

Correct, correct. And which is nuts. That's why like this this topic is so akin to like every space, you know, and the supervisors, the heads of the company are operating that way, but then the people that are there are also doing the same. So then what kind of environment are you you actually like breeding? You know, do you feel like people don't go all in anymore because of these things? Oh, for sure. Especially if that's their kind of environment, you know, even in a relationship, like if you feel like some dude is gonna replace you, what are you putting in all that effort for?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like what they say, don't cook and clean if you ain't, you know, you think you're gonna stay around.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Not that you can't, not that you won't, not that you don't love to do those things, but what am I investing that time, that energy? I'm wasting part of my day. Right.

SPEAKER_01

It kind of makes me think about Megan the Stallion and Clay Thompson. Like, you know, I think from what we could see on the outside looking in, we're we're not in their relationship. I think this was the first time she was publicly like truly all in with someone. Yes. And he played the role and then woke up one day and was like, actually, I don't want to do this anymore. Actually, I want to have, you know, a multitude of women now. Because what the fuck you got me talking to your mama for uh court side?

SPEAKER_00

Why the fuck am I cooking Thanksgiving dinner? Call the aunt with the big elbow. No, we ain't why am I whipping up Kenny Yams? I'm get the fuck out of here. You rich kick that shit. No. Oh, not that not because I can't, but at the end of the day, I want to show up as a guest too. Why am I in the kitchen up from the day before?

SPEAKER_01

But based in turkeys. It also shows how far people are willing to go once again to suck the value out of you, knowing they have been fucking doing it and that they don't want the same things as you as you. And and like you said, that goes back to alignment. That goes back to discernment. We live in such a dog eat, dog world that you really gotta pray about every kind of every encounter. Everything. Like, who is this mother? Coming up to me. Who is this chick? You know, you out socially, and you know, especially with you, you have such a big following, especially as it pertains to, you know, your identity and your background and your culture, to where it's like people want to attach themselves to you because, you know, you are the epitome of everything that you represent. You're not faking that. You know, that is just a glimpse of your lifestyle and who you are. So people want to latch on to it because they want to be in connection to you and all that your world provides them, but not really wanting to add any value.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but that's why I am like, I value like authenticity so much. Like I don't need like 45 friends. I don't need fucking 25 friends. When I have a wedding, it's probably gonna be 15 people in that motherfucker cracking. Listen, having a tip, having a ball, right? Like it's you don't even need the phone because you don't even be, you don't even know where it is by the end of the night. Look, I'm finna be the flower girl. Listen, everything, right? My dog won't be in there. But I just the ring bearer. The ring bear. I'm gonna walk with him. He's cute. Listen, you can hold him. Um, I just feel that it's so important the the more you do and the the the bigger the the room becomes to make sure you have your your soldiers next to you because there's so much fakeness out there. And you know, people are kind and nice and all, but it's just I don't I don't want that fakeness or that inauthenticity or people trying to like use you for a position. I don't want none of that around me. I don't want that next to me. I don't want that next to you. I don't want that, you know. Or let me know what it is.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Listen, because if this is just an opportunity where it's like, hey, it's business. I do this, you do that. I think this is a way that we could be aligned and there's honesty in that. You know, there's the end goal. Does that resonate with you? Great. When you're disingenuous about it, come on, you ain't trying to be my friend. Yeah. You ain't pick you ain't picking me up in the airport. Just because we partner on a project, we do not have to be buddies. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't need to see you at brunch next week. Correct. Correct. We could call it. I mean you got the party.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I ain't picking you up. Once again, once again, and if I see you there, hey, how you doing? Correct. You know, like do you also think, like, what do you think about like actual satisfaction? Because I think there's people out there that they keep like, you know, making use of these options, but like, are you truly satisfied? Like, are you really like that loneliness versus social isolation isolation kind of thing? Like, are you really fulfilled even though you are exploring every option? Like, what do you think about what are people running from that to? Do they really believe that they're happy?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I think that in order to be fulfilled, you need to be whole. And if you were whole, you wouldn't be running into everybody's damn face every time you feel lonely. You would sit with your fucking self. You know what I mean? And I think there's a difference between, you know, occupying space and time with whoever, whenever, because people don't realize how that energy and how people think wears off on you. You become every single person you consume yourself with in some capacity. So if you are not with like-minded people or people who are going in the same direction or in the same flow of life, then you're setting yourself up for loneliness because you will sit next to that person and still be unfulfilled.

SPEAKER_00

Every time. Every fucking time. Next thing you know, you these men, you blink you're gonna be 55 and you chow.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, it's bad. And I also think that, like, you know, no one wants to go through the discomfort and no one wants to build through it, you know. So going person to person, place to place without being like, okay, let me get because it's always worse before it's better. Transition is hard, transformation is hard, you know. And hell, I'm going through transformation right now, you know, changes at work, you know, changes in my own life, things that I'm like, hmm, who do I want to be? How does this person show up? Change is tough. Even as it pertains to, I was talking to my personal trainer and you just learned all of these things about your body, things you thought you know that you really don't know. And when someone's an expert and they're telling you or trying to get you to understand how this works, your body resists change. So when you're like, fuck, I'm working out, I'm eating right, the pounds are not dropping off, it's because your body resists change, but you have to work through the discomfort to finally get to the goal. Yeah. You know, you can't say, oh, well, I'm just gonna have a little cheat here. You're not even through the discomfort yet. You can't afford to cheat. You know, same thing with relationships. Y'all are in an uncomfortable part in the relationship, and you think you can go afford to cheat because y'all are not seeing eye to eye right now, or because you think you got options. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Nuts. And that leads into like this, like commitment. Like, who's committing these days? I'm curious. I'm committed to myself. Like, people don't commit, like, what you like, but you got FOMO. Like, it's like, oh, there's another bitch out there, like another dude out there. Whatever it is. Like, people just the commitment is just lacking everywhere. I think men think they got why like men must think they have options. Women know we got options, and then nobody decides. You dumb, I dumb, we dumb together. Like what? Yeah. I I don't know. I can't think how I just rarely hear it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And only side of that is now I have guarded behavior. Yeah. Because of the repetition of what I've seen or what I've been through. So now nobody's like you said, you dumb, I'm dumb, we dumb. Now this shit is dumb. You know what I mean? So we're getting nowhere because you are not showing me anything real, and I am guarded because I can see you are not being a good thing. I'm not gonna invest in it either. Yeah, it's it this is disingenuous, you know, and you are not here for the right reasons, you know. You don't want to hear about how I got a perm when I was four and my hair fell out, and I'm still trying to grow it back.

SPEAKER_00

Not the freaking just for me song popping in my head.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, I didn't get perms as a kid, but still you get where I'm going with, you know, like you know, it takes a lot, and and it it does take the a a lot of discomfort in proving that someone's gonna be there with you dur during the discomfort for you to even get to a place where that guard is down and where you can really get to the depth and the meat of this is how I came to be the person you're in front of today. You know, whether that's for good or for bad, you know, these are the things that, you know, led me here.

SPEAKER_00

That's so important because if if you're not caring about like those little stories, then you're dealing with people where this motherfucker don't care about me. Like it, like just like keep it simple, right? Like you don't care enough. And if you don't care enough and I don't feel you care enough about me as a person, I'm not talking about texting when you get home. Make sure I get home. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're trying to get to know somebody or try to move towards closeness with somebody or a job or a friendship and you feel like the motherfucker don't care, what are we doing? Like what, like what are we even doing? Like you're the superficial actions are it's manifesting into your treatment.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You know, like you saying, meet me for dinner or whatever, that's that's that's a that's a freaking appointment on my calendar. Or pick me up to make sure we are going to dinner. Show that there's some intention and investment in your thought process as it relates to me. You know, like you care about whether we have a good time, whether I have a good time with you versus it's just like we could all plan a dinner. We could we could go to an open table, we could call and make a reservation, and it don't matter who's sitting there, like what is it where you're showing I care about my interaction with this person? So I don't feel replaceable. And you also feel like it's not worth the time and the investment. Yeah. Did you learn my favorite fucking drink?

SPEAKER_01

Do you know that I want a great goose, martini, no vermouth, slightly dirty, extra blue cheese olives? I know it. Yeah. Did you even take that mental note? Not that. Did you realize this is our third time going out and I always get that? And then if I do meet you, you already got my cocktail ready for me because you know that's what I like.

SPEAKER_00

Which is crazy that they don't even do that no more. No. What were we talking about the other day? Like, when was the last person that got like you got asked out on a date? Like, people don't do it no more. The last time someone asked you out in person. In person.

SPEAKER_01

Yep. I don't even know the last time someone asked me out in person. I can't. I can't even. But I'm also not dating these people. True.

SPEAKER_00

True, but it's just it's so few and far between. No.

SPEAKER_01

Do you see detachment as protection?

SPEAKER_00

It can be. Um I think human nature is uh to want the comfort. I think human nature wants uh affection, right? And I think if we know that this ain't it, sometimes it's like you you gotta detach so that your feelings don't get hurt. Like I think sometimes we could see that coming, like, oh, this is some toxic shit. Let me fall back. And I do think detachment could definitely be protection because human nature is you want somebody to love you, you want somebody to be affectionate towards you, even though you know they're not showing the things that you know would actually build a true foundation. So in any sense, detachment could definitely be protection, but not when you are like you have to you have to know what it is. I think that people run from detachment, like you're saying, because they avoid the effort too. Yeah, they're avoidant. Yeah, there's there's there's a difference.

SPEAKER_01

There's a difference. There's a difference. You are running and avoiding out of fear versus detaching because this is not right for you.

SPEAKER_00

Ooh, question Do you think, and that goes to your detachment, do you think ghosting is a symptom or the actual problem? Like when when people leave and detach, is it is it a reflection of something else versus oh, like I'm I'm just a I'm a lever, you know, because sometimes like where where does it come from?

SPEAKER_01

You know I think it can be situational based. Um, I think in certain situations it's okay to ghost. I'm a I'ma shut the fuck up and never talk to you again. You know, you you do some shit that's disrespectful or habitual or it's just not in alignment with my vibration, I'm cool. Like, we don't ever have to speak again. Um, but I also think there is a part of ghosting that is just absolutely disrespect. Like you hear these stories about people thinking they went out on this great date and they never heard back from someone. I think that's fucked up.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's okay to say, you know, I had a great time, but I don't think, you know, there is anything here for me, or or maybe I'm just not interested. Or I think there's always a right and a wrong way to, you know, break things off with someone, even if it's very new. Yep, you know, and the newer the easier. Why are y'all being weird when it's new? That's fucking dumb. Weird. But like I said, there's also like, no, total boundary stepper, total habitual disrespect where you like, I'm fucking good. You ain't gotta worry about me. No, correct. Correct. I promise you that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, yeah. It's like you said, there's there's different ways where it makes sense and somewhere you just either you're just trying to find an easy replacement and you don't even understand why you're connecting with people. Like I think people are investing or are taking time with people and like do you do you like that person? You just like how they look. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Or they just want control. You know, they I think people think if they steer it, you know, if if I take the wheel on this, then I can control the outcome. Right? So if I don't go too deep, I can control the heart the outcome, right? Or if I don't allow this to happen, then I can control how I'm gonna feel about whatever the wherever the chips may lay after this. Um and for me, I think when you're truly living in an abundant life, you relinquish control because that makes room to receive all of the things that you desire. But if you got to control every aspect, you're not allowing, you know, God or the universe or whatever the case may be to um fall in place for you. Because the truth is we have no fucking control. True. The only thing we can control is ourselves. But as far as what happens to us in some situations, especially as we talk about love, life, dating, and bliss and all of that shit, like we really are not in control. And we see it with people dying younger every day. We see it with, you know, we were just talking earlier, we're at that age where grandparents are starting to go, mother, father, God forbid, are starting to go. You know what I mean? Like we are just not in control. And I think once we relinquish the idea of having to control and manipulate outcomes, that's when we truly find connection. You find partnership, you find the opportunity in the workspace that is right for you. You find the right partners in business, you find the next thing that you are set up for, but you have to relinquish control. That's hard for people out here. It is. It's a hard, it's a hard thing. It's a tough thing. You think when people leave uh relationships because it's not perfect, do you think that's growth or impatience? Because nothing's perfect, but I think people um idealize a lot. You know, people like the idea of a relationship, they like the idea of you, they like the idea of what things could be.

SPEAKER_00

I I think it just I mean, defining what perfect is, right? You know, I it does it have the bones, right? Do we have values? Do we are we aligned on most things? Like what are your non-negotiables? Does does that does it satisfy most of those? So nothing's gonna be perfect, right? But it's also if you're what if if everything is peaches and cream and you want kids and he got a vasectomy, what we doing? Oh shit. You know what I'm saying? Like it, it's that's I don't if then you gotta go. You know, like it depends on what is something that you can't live without. Does that fulfill it? Um, that's obviously very close to perfect, but something is in there that where you you are not aligned in something very foundational to you. You know, um, one for you. You stay at a job while constantly looking for a next one, smart or disloyal.

SPEAKER_01

Bitch, that's my favorite thing to do. Smart as fuck. You all because especially if you are in a niche field, you have to know your market. You have to have to know in what ways your um role is shifting, right? You have to know um what is going on, you have to be up to date, even if it's just to protect the job you still have. You always need to know what is going on in your role. So you you hear about all this shit with tech replacing jobs. It's crazy. And even now, people are who are just getting into tech to tech, y'all late to the fucking game because there were other people already studying, you know, that one thing to make sure that they had security. You always you always need to know what's going on in the job market. And you also need to just know what's being offered. Hey, maybe at when you got hired, you were being paid um, you know, the highest for that role. Now you realize, oh, wait, I didn't been here two, three, four years. And our competitor is actually valuing this role with the same responsibilities that I'm doing at this cost. I need to go back and renegotiate my salary at the end of the quarter or the end of the fiscal. Yes. You absolutely, you would be a fool not to if you did not stay abreast to your job market 100%.

SPEAKER_00

Yep. And you you said it earlier about um making sure that you're not like meaning you're creating a space where you're not replaceable in your job. Yeah. Like especially what you said with AI and everything, but making sure you're somebody that becomes a necessity in your workplace. Like, oh, like we need Brianna to do it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, because you you cannot replace connection. You can't. And it just goes back to the theme of this topic. You can't replace connection. Sometimes your value is the very thing that has no monetary value tied to it. When you have employees that are likable or that carry relationships, you can't replace that. You can't say, well, I like Susan better. So these are the changes we're gonna make. Listen, if the partners don't fuck with Susan, you're not gonna get the same value out of that partnership because they decided they don't like this bitch. And they would rather not fuck with y'all at all than to deal with this motherfucker. Listen. So when it comes to being and adding value into any space, but particularly the workspace, be someone who is irreplaceable. And I know don't be an option. Yeah, don't be an option. But I know job security is an oxymoron because anybody could go, right? But also, if you gotta go, make sure that you've got some champions on your team that's like, listen, I'm not in control of this, or maybe I am. However, I put in a word for you over there, or we are gonna pivot and we're starting this new thing and we want you to be the the person. There you go. You know? So with that being said, sis, be fucking serious. Be fucking serious. We need some accountability up in here for real, for real. I think, you know, you gotta be serious about how you show up. You gotta be serious about who you are and what you want. And listen, options are great, especially if you are in a space where you know this doesn't align to your highest self or where you're trying to go. Yeah. But when you are just throwing good people away because you think there's something better out there, you have completely overestimated A, your personal value and who the fuck you think you are. Right. And B, what the truth is behind connection and being someone who is truly irreplaceable. And you will be replaced next. You continue to treat people like that.

SPEAKER_00

You cannot build anything if you're halfway out. You always got your piggy toe out somewhere. Not at all. Listen, can't build shit.

SPEAKER_01

Like literally. Anyways, these days, are you choosing or browsing?

SPEAKER_00

Neither. Fucking neither. But motherfuckers be out here browsing. I feel like you swiping left, swiping right, everybody out here browsing. I I would be choosing if I had a choice. I'd be choosing if they were, you know, uh right now we just I'm sitting outside with my sunglasses on, seeing what's crossing in front of me. I'm people watching. That's what the fuck I'm doing. I love a people watching. I'm people watching.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I guess we can wrap it up on that. I feel like, you know, this was a a great eye-opening moment between, you know, figuring out who you are, what you want, and where you're going so that you can make the right choices, whether they're options or staying to build and commit.

SPEAKER_00

With that said, y'all, thank you for coming out. Please check us on Instagram, on Spotify, YouTube, on Apple Podcasts, don't piss me off pod.com. We're outside, guys. Check us next week.

SPEAKER_01

And we keeping it 100 today with Patron 100. Until next time, please don't piss me off. Cheers, guys. Cheers.