Submission Without Security: Independent Women & The 50/50 Illusion

In this episode, Bryana and Yuri tackle one of the most misunderstood topics in modern relationships: submission, security, and the growing confusion around what people expect from each other.

What does submission actually mean today? Is it about control—or is it really about trust, cooperation, and emotional safety?

The conversation challenges common dating contradictions, including wanting loyalty without commitment, softness without stability, and relationship benefits inside undefined situations. Bryana and Yuri explore why so many people are asking for things that don't align with what they're offering in return.

They break down the idea that submission isn't something demanded or given—it's something that develops when people feel secure enough to let their guard down.

The episode also dives into the "50/50 illusion" and asks whether modern relationships have confused equality with clarity. When everything is supposed to be equal, who leads? Who supports? What happens when responsibilities are never clearly defined?

Transcript

0:05

Welcome to the Don't Piss Me Off podcast. If you love black girl brilliance, unfiltered opinions, and real talk, baby, you know you're in the right place. My name is Brianna. And my name is Yuri. Today's topic is a good one. We're talking about submission without security. We talk about these independent women and this illusion of 50-50, because I don't really know what that is. Everybody talks about it, but what does 50-50 mean? And do we want to go 50-50? I don't really want to go 50. I ain't going 50-50 on the bill now. I ain't gonna lie. I feel like I go half on the baby. That's what we're gonna have. My 50 is half on that baby because I'm the one 100% carrying it, honey. Thank you. No, but I think I think the conversation is always um misplaced. I think it's about equality, and we confuse it a lot of times. And part of 50-50 is submission. You know what I mean? Absolutely. So, with that being said, my girl, what pissed you off this week? The laundry list of shit that pissed me off this week. But I like to keep it on theme just so we can narrow the list, right? What pissed me off this week, don't tell me you want to take me out on a date, but I'm driving an hour and 20 minutes to get to the date. So I live far from the city, okay? So when you invite me out to the city, that means if I'm driving, then I'm taking myself there. I'm also paying a bill too. That's not a date. I'm going out to meet you for dinner. Yeah. And frankly, some of my friends are better companies. But you gotta specify, we talk in New York City. So we're talking about the tolls to get in and out of the city and the parking lot. I don't spend $100 just to get into the city. Congestion pricing, uh, what's it $18 toll? What are we doing these days? You ain't gonna go $50-50 after you know paying your $100 toll and parking in a while. I just at that point you owe me the dinner. At that point, you owe me feed me the work that it took. This way, I don't want to be independent no more. Send the card, help me, you know. Like, I'm tired. I'm tired. Like, come on. Like, I court me a little bit, but yeah, you know, a lot of bit. All the bits, all the bits, all the bits, all of the things, shout out. But let me hear yours. What pissed you off this week, girl? You know, I feel like I get pissed off when people want all the benefits of a relationship with undefined situations. If you can't define what this is, how are you expecting to get a 100% benefit out of me? Correct. Make it make sense. They want you to do all the work of the job, won't give you the title. 100%. So that's why I feel like when people ask the 50-50 question, are you asking it with someone who's 100% in with you? I think that's where the challenges come from. When you're having these conversations centered around 50-50, but you're talking to people in situationships, why would I want to split, go half, do anything 50-50 with someone who's only giving me 10%? Correct. You know, I think the 50-50 conversation doesn't even exist when you are in a real partnership. If I got it, I got it. Absolutely. And when you got it, you got it. It's not even a thought. Yeah, because sometimes I'm gonna be up, sometimes you're gonna be up, and I'm not doing so well. You know what I mean? And and I'm talking about a true partnership, not a fling or someone you're fooling with. So for me, it pisses me off when people expect 100% relationship um access without giving any type of uh indefinite idea of what this is. You you afraid to call it something, but you want you gotta define the boundaries, you have to define what it is so that you could fill the space. Yeah. Not like the the episode is called Submission Without Security because there's a huge theme um amongst a lot of these um podcasts, you know, TED TED talks about relationships these days and what men expect versus what women expect, you know, Mars and Venus. But there's this this overwhelming mention of submission, right? One half of them motherfuckers don't know what it means. Right. Um, but the ease with which an independent woman will submit, according to Webster's definition of it, comes with their ability to be secure in the environment. Yeah. Right. And security comes with bounds, security comes with diff definitions, security comes with knowing what it is without confusion or concern that you have to worry about this other person or worry about them not being there or feeling their part of it. Yeah. You know, like you want to feel secure in what you do and how you do it. And that's that that makes submission easy. And that and that comes frankly in everything. That comes in business. If you got a partner, if you got a business partner that you know if you slack it and you know they got it, that allows you to relax. Yeah. In the simplest form of it. Yeah. To relax and be yourself and work on things that make them better and help them better and fill the holes with them because you're able to relax in their space well. So they don't get it. People don't get it, but we're here to talk about it though. Hello. Basically, y'all want traditional energy with untraditional situations. We off that. The new girls ain't going for it. Listen, you want ease and it's shaky. You know, like, come on, man. So we've discussed, you know, the the general issues with it, but like let's kind of get a list of what submission means, you know, like kind of define that because I think it starts there. Because I think a lot of people are also um misinformed about what it means. And I think it's also different per person, right? Girl, yeah, and let me tell you, I didn't, I didn't went ahead and looked up. There we go, looked up the word submission. Teach me. According to Webster, boom submission is the act of yielding to authority, the condition of being humbled or obedient, or the act of presenting a document or item for consideration. It commonly implies surrendering power to another. Yes. I like the document part. Well, let me know. The lawyer in me was like, no, that one. And let me tell you. I submitted some documents earlier. We filed them. Hello. But but take it a step further, right? When you think about marriage, right? Marriage is a contract, it is a covenant. You know, yes, there is documentation, but in a marriage, both the husband and wife submit to each other. Absolutely. And I think it is that covenant that creates that safety and that vulnerability. Yes, the man could be the head of the household. Yes, the the wife can submit to her husband, but there are also times, because everything's once again 50-50, where the husband submits to his wife or partner or whatever type of relationship it is. But in a marriage, particularly a document, an item for consideration. There you go. You know, submission, somebody gonna submit. I feel like when I think of submission in the terms of a romantic relationship, like I have this imaginary vision of each person being able to jump off a cliff and land on a cloud. Yeah. You know, and the free and do it with a free will and without concern. And that submission is allowed by that person that's catching them in the cloud. Yeah. You know, and you want to do that, and it's freedom in being able to submit. But the problem is, is a lot of people don't know how to lead. And that's where that illusion of this uh independence and 50-50, it's like if you're like as you described, if you're not defining the relationship, if you're not doing your part to help them feel comfortable and secure, if you don't even know what it is, you don't know what it means, or you're expecting something that you're not giving, how's this person ever gonna submit to you? You've already bought the wrong thing, man. Yeah. Where do you think lack of leadership comes from these days? Because I think this generation, we have skipped the part where men are excited to lead. They're excited to find a wife. He who finds a wife finds a good thing, honey. And it seems like no one's looking to find their wife and no one is leading. I can make my assumptions, right? I'd I'm not a man. We should we should bring one on. Who wants to come and add to this topic? Um we're taking a list of sponsors. Um, but I do think that I mean, you need an example. You have to see it and admire it to then want to do it. Are are male role models becoming the ones that you see on social media that that have access to all these women? Is it the the music video back in the day with um Biggie in the in the big papa chair with 18 bitches around him with Tupac and I get around video? What is the vision of what it feels to be a man these days? Because you could talk about it, but you ain't doing it. Yeah. You ain't putting the steps forward to to put yourself there. And I also think, like, we've talked about this, even like I think there was a period of time when you had men, male role models as friends. Like, this isn't even about romantic relationships, but you know, when you went out, there was the guy friend that walked you to the car. It was the guy friend that got up to give you a seat. It was the guy friend that made sure that you were taken care of and that like ain't nobody gonna make like mess with my little sister, whatever that is. I barely see that in men now if you go out. Like, y'all need to rest your feet for the bar. Like, you need like you go you wearing heels, right? Like your legs hurt, right? You've been walking around on your heels all day. Like, I don't not y'all not getting up for the ladies to have a seat. Like, I like, well, I gotta be pregnant to get a seat, or is that that's not enough these days? I I don't know. I just feel like there's a certain level of males just not having that chivalry that they used to have. And it just came from like taking care of the women as a whole. You know, and then I'm sure that there'll be men that'll say that not all women are the same, and you know, some women don't deserve it. Well, let's then talk about them. Well, we're talking about us. And we'll talk about me. Me. Me. And I I see it, and it's a shame. I mean, I'm thankful that I'm in a position where I could do it myself anyway, and I still have a good father, and I do have good male role models around me that I know what a good man is and how they should treat you, regardless of if they are in a relationship with you. But I do see piss poor examples out there in these streets. Yeah, and I think people confuse the two when they say, oh, well, you know, women don't want to submit. No, you hit it on the nail. I know what leadership looks like. I have my daddy in my life, I have good men around me. So when you step to me and you lack that quality, why would I? Why would I show you any gesture that I possess submission in me when you are not even presenting as someone who leads? And I feel like we really need to get away from that. You know, nowadays there there is challenges on both sides of the gender spectrum. And it's not about, you know, a war on gender or going back and forth within the community, but I think that we all have to do a better job, especially in the black community, of taking care of each other, even if it's platonic. You know what I mean? Exactly. Exactly. And I think that's the bigger point because the qualities that we are describing, they're not limited to the woman that you want to fuck. Yeah. It should also be for any woman that's there. And if you happen to see a woman that and I'm using the knees of chair example because I think that is so simple, okay? Because y'all got on flats. You can't tell me your feet hurt in your sneakers. Right. Okay. Um, but it's it's the concern of others, and I think that that goes a long way. You know, it's okay. Women do like a nice guy, a courteous guy, a guy that's considerate, um, and just considerate of them in all spaces, you know, like it's it's it's kindness. Yeah, it's also genuine kindness, you know, um, that it shows like we know when you you just want to fuck us, like we know that. Okay. So it's okay for you to be kind anyway in the little things, and that will go a long way and it'll change the narrative. Yeah. And, you know, in order to even be in the space of safety and submission, you got to create that environment. Yep. Something as simple as being in a crowded bar and a gentleman giving up his seat to you. Now I am open to, hey, how are you doing? Thank you so much. Now there's a conversation to be had. Yeah. You know what I mean? Whether you were doing it because you were attracted or because you're just purely a gentleman and was like, oh, let me get up for shorty. You know what I mean? But now that opens up space for an opportunity to oblige the gentleman. No. But y'all not even doing that. Because once again, that's taking the lead. Let me lead. Let me get up and offer this woman a seat. Oh, no, absolutely. And you said something too about um, I think it's there's assumptions being made about like, oh, like a woman appears independent or because she has it together, she walks with her head held high, and she ha she exudes a confidence in her. Yes, she's independent. I'm sure her dad raised her to be that way. You know, she can handle it because she's she's meant to and she's strong enough to. That does not mean that she's not looking for somebody to compliment her, to lead her at all. And I think that also in the midst of defining relationships and defining the safe space so that there can be submission and leadership, men are even asking the questions. I'll give my piss me off moment. I'm getting to dinner after driving an hour and a half and working a long day, and I there's no conversation about why, like what led me up to that point. It's just you plan the date irrespective of understanding what I got going on or being considered what I have going on. And I just think that some conversations aren't being had to understand each other better. Yeah. And I think labels are being made about independent or they won't submit or they won't lead. And I think conversations will open up people to feel more secure and understand. And I think these independent titles for women, um, I think that they are mislabeled a lot of times because I don't think the men are not understanding what a lot of a lot of women have to go through. In general. I and I don't want to be independent no more. We don't at all. Everybody going through it too. And I had like this realization the other day. So I stopped by my old neighborhood smoke shop. Okay. Don't do drugs. Um, but yeah, I stopped by the smoke shop um to get me a little vape, sweetie. It's okay. Um and um my guy, he's the owner, you know, he hooks me up and was like, You are always so nice, you know, such and such and such and such. He was like, Are you dating? And I'm like, not really. And he was like, I'm not either. And then he just literally, I sat there for 15 minutes and just let this man pour his heart out. He was like, I think they think I don't got money because I run a smoke shop. And remind you, he's Indian. He owned the damn smoke shop. Yeah, he's like, you know, he probably got a few. And he likes sisters. So he like, you know, Indians, we're not flashy. And the kind of girls that I like. And let's say the Indians from Trinidad because baby, he like, you know, I got money, but we're not flashy. That's my culture. Like, we don't show out like that. And he just opened up his phone and was like showing me a couple of texts from some chicks. I ain't gonna lie, he was he looked like he liked hood rats. Because I said, I said, what you doing with her? He was like, She has big titties. I was like, ah shit. I said, not the titties, but um but he was going through it. He was like, Man, I don't get it. I'm a nice guy. He was like, Let me show you where I be eating. So he, you know, because he takes pictures of his food, gorgeous pictures. He's like, he's like, I ain't gonna take you. You like I ain't trying to take you get some way. He said, Everything I do is halal. He was like, I ain't gonna take you to no bullshit. They left this on everything, he was like, I ain't gonna take you to no bullshit. This is where I go. And he likes showing me, you know, like some food pictures and all of this. And he was like, and I just don't understand it. So it's like it's not just women going through it, it's men too. But then when I was looking at the thread, oh girl, like, first of all, you ain't had no business talking to this chick, child. You ain't had no business. This is like some hood chick that done found her way to West Loop. Stop it. And she like sending him all the places she wants to eat. She's picking out bizarre meats and you know, fioretta and this, this, and that. Like, girl, you probably don't even take yourself there. And I'm looking at how she's getting at him, and I can see that she's using him to go out to a place that she really wants to go to. And he's like, it ain't even about paying for the dental. Like, I don't care about that. I got the money. I just don't understand. So it's not even, and he's he's my age, you know, in his 30s, you know, um, doctorate degree, owns a business, and he's just like, I don't fucking get it. But see, now you you done laid out a lot of stuff there. We talked about this earlier today. Are is is he looking for what he actually says he wants? He is. He's a nice guy. You saying he's looking for hood, like the hood racks is in his phone. No. Well, he's attracted to black women, and I think that's just what he happens to get. But no, I said both. Okay. I said that he likes black women, but when I looked at what was in his phone, that's that's probably the coming through the smoke shop to get a blunt. Like, so it's like, what's up with you? Yeah, you know what I mean? I think you're attractive. What's good? Let's go out. And they like for sure. Like to get free cigarillas. Free cigarillas and a male. I'm gonna get high and eat. Yeah. But there's clearly a disconnect, right? There's clearly a disconnect because if you're looking for a wife, I don't know if they're, you know, they're strolling through that smoke shop. It might be. That's judging me. That's judging me. They might be coming to get the hookah. They might smoke shops be having so much. Mind you, this is a Westloop smoke shop. It ain't like that he damn in the turf, okay, you know, secretly selling weed or nothing. It is like a really nice elevated smoke shop. There's hashish, like everything, hookahah, this and that, like, you know, whatever you like, vapes, oils, pens, like he needs to get out there. Yeah. Something to get out there. Get out there. It was just an interesting take on, you know, men dealing with the same challenges. And he's just like, I don't get it. And men are that are looking for it. Yeah, and I couldn't even. That's hard to find. Oh, that's hard. I've heard I I hardly hear it, is what I'm saying. And he was like, Well, you're beautiful. How come you're not seeing anybody? I said, It's not because I don't have the option to get paid every time I get that. Why are you single? I'd be like, help me. Yeah. You know, um, why do you think some of these conversations aren't had to build more security and submission with these? Like, I almost feel like they're being avoided, but like, like why? Well, as we said before, first you'd have to be intimate. You have to be intimate with yourself and know yourself. Um but also you have to feel safe to have these kind of conversations. I don't think anyone's creating, you know, room and environment for safety anymore. You know, you can't even ask a damn question to a man without him thinking it's targeted at you. You know, we've had episodes before where we've talked to men and we're like, what's the deal with men, women asking men, like if they want marriage, if they want children, and then men tighten up and get weird and go ghost. And it's like, right, fool, that don't mean I want them with you, nigga. Like, I just met you. I'm just curious about where you are in life. I'm literally trying to get to know you. Right. So I think people are out of touch with themselves, out of touch with being in the present and just really learning somebody. Oh, what does this person want out of life? Even if this goes nowhere, they're cool as hell. What is it that they want? Maybe we align somewhere else. Maybe it's in business. It's not supposed to be romantic. Or, you know, I'm real big on, you know, being present in rooms because there may be an opportunity for someone. Maybe you've got a friend looking for an attorney, but because you're so caught up in your head and you're not present, you can't even refer your friend because you're not even being present. I think referrals. Hello. Yuri attorney at law. No, but it's you're you're absolutely right. And I think it goes to another earlier discussion we have because they all merge together about like this uh this swipe left, swipe right uh mentality. Oh, she says something I don't like, done. You know, it's one of those like, I mean, I get the ick too sometimes, but sometimes it'll just be somebody's teeth, you know. But good night, because the teeth gonna do it every time. The teeth gonna do it every time. Ooh, I really get upset about that side tooth. It makes sense. Side tooth and the crooked bottom, you know, they laugh like. Oh my gosh, Yuri, I cannot take it, honey. But I I going back, let's stay on topic. Let me get back on it. Um, you're gonna get the drawers on the nice mouth. I know, just don't don't look at me. Put a bag over it. But um, I I just don't think that those those conversations are being had, man. And people are, when they do have a conversation or they try to, or somebody shares something intimate about what's important to them, especially as we go through this dating game where you're you're more secure in who you are and what you want, it's instant, no, I'm good on that. Like, or or that's too complicated, or I don't want to think about that right now. Well, maybe your potential does. Yeah. Maybe a potential person for you does. Like, I just I think people are like, oh, I'm good. And then just move on to the next one. And that puts a dead end stop at seeing more potential, more security, more openness, a possible person that will submit to you, as a lot of men claim that they're looking for, but you ain't you ain't open enough to receive that submission at all. And then just communication versus delivery. You know, I could I can communicate one thing to you, but how I deliver it now turns it into something else. And if we're not willing to dive in, even things being misconstrued in text, certain conversations don't even need to be in text. They don't Conversation about submission, inequality, and like what are your take on roles in a relationship should not be something happening during text. No, at all. And it also shouldn't be a conversation that takes too long to be had. You know, like it should be this should be a buildup to what you're looking for. Like these should be, you should see these traits in this person as you. Day two and three, we need to be talking about what it would you see in roles. Like how do you see relationships? Not what I saw or scrolled on Instagram for the day. Like it, I like I'm I'm sorry. It has to progress into things that are meaningful or or substantial in the person's daily life. Whatever it is. Like it might not, it don't need to be what you go and do five years from now, but by day two, three, have you learned enough about this person so you understand at least that minimum what their day-to-day is like and how they process that? Are you doing more to get to understand them as a person? Submit to them. Please. If I know how you're I if I know a clear account of how your day-to-day goes, this helps me to add value if there is interest. Yep. If we have communicated that we are equally interest, interested in one another and I understand your day-to-day, I now know how to add value, whether that be in words of affirmation, whether that be in, you know, actions, I know what might lighten your day or make you feel seen in that day, especially after a long day. A great day, great. Even better, cherry on top. But after a long day, when you feel like someone has seen you and they have heard you, ain't nothing better than a act of service or active submission. Listen, I it's it happens so rarely now that when it does, I appreciate it so much. And this is a friend, family relationship, whatever, when someone like just remembering that you had something important the next day. Like, oh, like you said you had a big meeting, or you said that you had um a big um present presentation, like how did that go? Or like I know you said you had something, I'll I waited till after that was done to call you. Like just those little things in those early dates, like where somebody was like you were listening, oh thank God. Yes. People just don't be like you asking me my favorite color on the four days because you don't remember from the first date, you know, like that's a lame example, but still, like there are certain things that you just they won't they don't listen. Yeah, you know, um, you listen to respond and not to to understand. And when people are trying to get to know each other, that moves mountains if you're listening to understand early. Yeah. And you know what I really love? Understanding that you like to lead. And and and this is why I'm gonna tell you because when we talk about 50-50, you know, a man can 100% lead, but you're still giving 50-50 in effort. You're still giving 50-50 in communication, you're still giving 50-50 in showing up. I love the 50-50 conversation. I'm a 50-50 girl, but not like monetarily. 50-50 financially does not equal 50-50 emotionally. Okay. But unless you're my partner. If you're my partner, like the your buddy is my money, it's our money. Yeah, no, I'm talking a little bit of shit because I in past relationships, I've definitely like outdone myself, you know. And early on, we're like, I had an innovative. Listen, I did it and I'm like, Lord Jesus. Like I please, like I've bought gifts, I've taken, I paid for the trip before they could pay for the trip. Like I I had my head on my shoulders before he did. Yeah. You know, so I've been there. Now I want my payback. Okay, like now I don't want to do that no more. But um, I I know I do that. I know I will come home from work and cook every day. These dudes don't deserve it no more. You know, if the first question is out out your mouth is like, do you cook? Do you? Right does your mama, I don't care. Like that is Does your mama? That is not on my resume. But I know you grew up on pack of noodles. Please. And Vienna sausage. Please. Because I love a man who cooks. Not that I not that I can't, but I I love to see you in the kitchen. It's attractive. I love it. All the men in my family cook. Same. All the men in my family cook. If you can cook, A plus. I'm a great cook, fabulous cook. But if you can cook, a plus. Listen, I even I don't even care about the tar. We can go to Sears for that. I've talked, like, if you could, like, show me something in the kitchen. I just appreciate that. Let me see you put something on the grill. Oh, you can grill all day for me. I ain't turning that shit on. And you know what else you could put on the grill after that? Me. Sprawled out. Scotch back. Seasoned and ready. Ready to eat. Yeah, no, like I think that 50-50 concept, if it goes throughout all of the categories, it could be magic. You know, it really can be a magical relationship. And I know that I've heard from married men when they've learned where their wife is great at leading a particular area. And they're like, I let her do that because I'm bad at it. And like that's her dance space. This is my dance space, that's hers. And I and she knows when this is my turn, I take care of it. But when she, I let her go. Yes. You know, and and uh like for example, I know with my my mom and my dad, my mom was the trip planner. You know, like if you ask my dad, we ain't never gonna know her. But the minute my mom planned a trip, here's the card. Listen, book whatever, trust it, best time he ever had in his life. He on the beach making friends with everywhere they got in there. Ain't think about nothing. Dancing by the pool, like where we going next year, you know, and it took some convincing to get him there, but you know, once he let her lead that part, it it brought a whole era of his life that he now like looks forward to consistently. And that, you know, that was the their marriage. But I I think that when you find that 50-50 where that leadership is specific to what makes both of y'all great, then you you got it. Yeah. And that's what I'm looking forward to. Like, I am ready for that part of my life where it's like, this is where I excel, this is where you excel, this is where we come together. And through good or bad, we figure it out, and then we have a great time along the way. Yeah. I think that's super important. Absolutely. Because I always want to be me. You know, no matter how much a man is leading, or no matter how much he's putting 100% in taking care of the household, I still have to have my independence in my own life in the aspect of I ain't gotta, you know, run up behind you. You know, every time you're walking out the door, I'm not on the edge of my fucking seat asking you about what you're doing, where you're going, and all of that. Like I don't desire that type of relationship, but I do desire the type of relationship where I can still be 100% in my own skin and in my own independence while allowing him to lead. Because you can still remain self-sufficient as a hyper-independent woman, and we've talked about this before, but you can still remain self-sufficient while having a partner. It might take work to get there. You know, we've talked about this with our married friends on past episodes where, you know, it's like, man, when I met my wife, she was hyper-independent, and now we're still working on her letting me do these things. Um, but and and that that might be, you know, a hiccup for me too. But I'm excited to go through that journey of fully trusting someone so that they can lead and I could fully submit and just know that my man got it. And whatever he don't got, he knows that I have the strength and security and safety to take care of it. Absolutely. I can't wait for it. And I I'm hoping that what people take away in this limited conversation is that it's not necessarily about submission as this traditional role. Like it doesn't have to be this traditional 1945 definition of what it looks like because the world has evolved. Like people don't even use their brains because we got Chat GBT, no, you know. So, but I think people can be strong and still be led. Yeah. You can be independent in different fields and still be led. You know, I I think that we have to get out our heads what this submission looks like where the women don't work and the husband comes home and kicks up his feet, and then like all of a sudden, like you like you kick up your hands and you feet, and that like, so how's that leadership? Like you, you're defining submission, but you're not leading if you're not helping lead around the house when you get home. There are husbands that come home from work, roll up their sleeves and help with the dishes. 100%. My ex, when I would get off work when I was still waitressing, especially if I worked a double in the summertime on a patio, honey. Yep, I would, we didn't live together, but you know, he had access to my apartment and I would come home and he would have goddess baths waiting for me. Like herbal, floral, Epsom salt, anything. Even if they even come. He would literally have goddess baths waiting for me. It's an easy thing. He'd turn the water on. And when we first started dating, and he would clean it out. You know, that shit leaves a mess. It does. It does. And he would clean it up right after. But when we first started dating, um, I would come home and elevate my my legs, my feet, because I had been on them all day. And waitressing, you know, I ain't never wanted no velcro veins child on the back of my legs. Listen. Um, but um, when he realized that, he started rubbing my feet every time that I came home. Without me asking, and in that submission, men submit too. You know what I mean? It goes both ways. Something as small as that, paying attention, knowing your day-to-day, and knowing that this will lighten my mood and submitting to me in this way by giving me a foot rub, by running a bath for me. Yeah. Um, and this was things that I never had to ask for. It was someone who cared enough to pay attention to ask the questions. Wanted to care for you. Yeah. And like that same point too, like, this ain't 1945. People work. Like we talk about, oh, it's this is we ain't, you know, Susie Homemaker. Yeah. That's just not the average these days. And God bless the women that do that. It's just different. Um, and there's women that do that now, and that's that's a life that they love. I happen to love being on my feet in court and and doing other business things. But then if I have, if I'm a trial attorney, and then what if my my new partner is also a trial attorney? Well, we gonna battle for who had the worst day? Right. So what you gonna cook now? Because you the lives are equal. It's not one of those, like, I've been working all day so you can cook at home. We've both been working all day, yeah. But we both been working all day. We both been working all day and we decided that we're gonna go out and eat. Neither one of us is cooking together. Exactly. We both deserve a stiff drink and a steak. Listen, and that has happened. It's like we both need to celebrate how we got through this Monday. You know, and that's that's the understanding, that's the the the leadership and that that the simple leadership of baby, we had a bad day, we both gonna go get this drink. You don't need to cook, I don't want to do it, let's go. Like leadership comes from like suggestion, making sure both of y'all are good. Like it's bigger than that. It's the concern and care that she like you she submits to that. She she has confidence in it, she feels secure in it. Yeah, I'm hella weak for a man that I'm crazy about. And I and I don't mean weak in a bitch, you ain't got no spine kind of way. I mean weak in the way that I'm like, what you need, Eddie? Because what you need, yeah. Because whatever you got in. Because what Whitney say, I'm every woman, she's all in me. Because you you don't need to go nowhere else to figure out figure it out. She did say that. What you need. I I got you, you know. I love that. Um, let's play a quick game of real life scenarios. I like the back and forth. Yes. Let's do it. And we kind of already touched on some of this, so we gonna we gonna hit it quick, all right? A man expects traditional behavior but offers no stability, fair or unrealistic. Get the fuck out of here. Stability is huge for me. Stability, reliability, absolutely not. He won't be, we ain't calling him again. Unrealistic, okay? Um, a woman wants leadership but resists being guided. Empowerment or contradiction? Contradiction, just off rip. There's one thing where she's trying to let go and she's you know putting in effort. It's another thing to completely the key word was resist. So that's a contradiction. Fair. I agree with that. Everything is equal, but nothing feels structured, balanced, or confusing. Now, this is an interesting one because I am very, you know, I'm like admin, like I'm Virgo mind structured. So I need a little bit of structure, but I think that comes from the communication we were talking about. So it would be confusing to me, but that's only if we're not communicating, right? So I'm not saying that I need like a set schedule, but if you're telling me it's unstructured, that means that something's, you know, awry. But I do know that when you're in a relationship and the machine is is is going like it's well fueled and we got like an engine going, then as long as everything feels okay, then I'm okay. Yeah. But sometimes if that shit feels confusing, then something's wrong. Something's off. I like that. I feel like we should close with that one. Go ahead. So I'm I'm I'm a sum that one up. Yeah. And I and I think a great way to sum up this conversation is just, you know, alignment matters more than labels, right? We need to be aligned in what the structure of this relationship is. We need to be aligned in what we think our roles look like. And we need to be aligned in whether we're doing 50-50, 80-20, you know, 90-10. As long as we create the relationship we want, it really doesn't matter what society says about 50-50 or a man producing this much or a woman producing this much. I think at the end of the day, you have to do what works for you. I know what works for me. I don't want to um put in no 50-50 money, but I'm gonna do 50-50 everything else. We're gonna have kids, honey. For sure. And right once you get all that, and I I firmly believe that that security creates the softness. Yeah. So, guys, you know the deal. Follow us Instagram, YouTube. We got Spotify, Apple Podcasts, pick your poison. Don't piss me off, Pod. And next week you're gonna hear something great. We've got ooh, dating after damage. And I know all y'all have been damaged, okay? Way before Danity Kane. I was just about to say cute Danity Kane, right? They're going through it. Um, but anyway, until next time, y'all. We love it. Don't piss me off. Cheers, baby girl. Cheers. I'm submitting to you right now.