Taking Time For Yourself Isn't Selfish

You can't lead others well when you're running on empty, and yet most leaders never stop long enough to realize how depleted they really are. In this episode, we're kicking off a 4-week series on self-care for leaders, and we're starting at the foundation: what self-care actually is, why it matters more than you think, and what it really looks like in the life of someone with a family, calling, a team, and a whole lot on their plate.
We'll break down the four pillars of sustainable leadership, look at what the research says about burnout and performance, and anchor it all in what scripture says about guarding your heart and stewarding the whole person: spirit, soul, and body.
This is the version of self-care that changes how you lead.
So tune in and get ready; this series might just be the reset you didn't know you needed.

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Transcript

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I guess you've been told that good leaders sacrifice everything. Well, today I will be talking about how that belief may be destroying your leadership and how you can combat it. Hello and welcome to Truth Talk about life and leadership solutions. My name is Ijoma Anyao. If you've been following along, you know that in the last episode, I talked about five ways to combat fatigue. And honestly, the response I received told me we needed to go deeper. So for the next couple of weeks, we are going to be looking more into this topic. We are talking about self-care. Not the bubble bath kind, not the spa day that lasts Saturday and then Monday hits you like a thunderbolt. We are talking about the kind of self-care that actually sustains you as a leader. The kind that changes how you show up every single day. When it comes to self-care, leadership culture hasn't really helped us. We've been sold the idea that the most effective leaders are the ones who sacrifice the most, sleep the least, hustle the hardest, run on caffeine and willpower and all the other things. So we wear busyness like a badge of honor. And somewhere along the way, taking care of ourselves started feeling selfish. Like rest is a reward you earn after the work is done. And for some of us, especially those of us who have been faithful disciples for a while, the very idea of self-care feels carnal, unnecessary, and unspiritual. But here's what the data actually shows. Gallup estimates that managers account for about 70% at least of the variance in team engagement, meaning your condition as a leader doesn't stay private. It spills over into the atmosphere of your team every single day. So when you're running on empty, your team members feel it through your tone, your patience, and your consistency. A 2015 survey showed that 393 career healthcare missionaries found moderate to severe anxiety reported by 65.8% of women and 60.1% of men, and moderate to severe depression reported by 55.5% of women and 45% of men. Finally, the World Health Organization included burnout in the ICD 11 as an occupational phenomena in 2019. This is not simply a personal weakness, it's a pattern tied to chronic workplace stress that hasn't been managed well. So let me ask you, after all this data, when was the last time you took time to care for yourself? When was the last time you were fully present with the people you love without part of your mind rehearsing tomorrow's to-do list? Self-care is not an indulgence, it's a leadership strategy. Self-care is any intentional practice that restores, sustains, and sharpens you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly seasonal decisions that keep you in the game for the long haul. Self-care is not a one-time reset that solves all your issues. No. It's not what you do after you collapse from exhaustion. Self-care is not selfish. It is choosing to live with a purpose. And it's not a luxury reserved from people who can afford it. It's for the person who wants to finish well. Let's think of self-care as the way you think of maintenance on a car. You don't wait for the engine to fail to take it for service, do you? No. You do the consistent preventive work so it keeps running. You are the vehicle of your vision. You have to maintain the machine. The apostle John wrote, Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along. So here, John acknowledges the whole person, spirit, soul, and body. God isn't just concerned with spiritual flourishing. Well-being is holistic. And as leaders, we have to start treating it that way. So, what does self-care look like for you as a leader? Now, self-care for leaders looks different depending on your season, your personality, and your responsibilities. But there are four core dimensions that you need to be attending to, and those I will speak to in this talk. Think of them as four pillars. One, physical renewal. Now, this involves sleep, movement, nutrition, and rest. These are not optional extras, they are the foundation. I also spoke about this in my last video. A study in the journal Sleep found that leaders who slept fewer than six hours a night were significantly less effective at inspiring and motivating their teens. So your brain needs your cooperation in this area for it to do its work. When you protect your sleep, you are protecting your leadership. Now, I am not going to enter that debate about how your body does not need that much sleep. No. You know yourself. You know when you have had enough sleep and are rested, and you know when you are not. So listen to your body so that you don't have to listen to the doctor's report. Pillar two, mental clarity. As a leader, you carry enormous cognitive load. Decision fatigue is real. Another research from Columbia University found that judges made favorable rulings 65% of the time at the start of the day, dropping to nearly 0% right before a break. And then bouncing back after. Mental rest is strategic. Journaling, setting boundaries around information consumption, all of this is a mental self-care. Emotional sustainability. Three. Leaders feel the weight of everyone's problem, and I know you do too. And if you are not careful, you absorb all of that. Emotional self-care is about processing, not suppressing. It's having people in your life that you can be honest with, people you can share your heart with, and know that you are safe and will be helped in some way. I spoke a lot on this, the episode before this one. Please go back and listen to it. It will help you. Pillar four, spiritual grounding. Now, for most of us leaders, this can become the most neglected unconsciously, especially those of us in ministry. And yet it's the anchor. It's what keeps you rooted in purpose when circumstances are chaotic. Prayer, meditation, worship, reflection, whatever connects you to God and to his purpose. Now the children of Israel being attacked by the Amalekites after they left Egypt comes to my heart. Moses asked Joshua his aid after the Amalekites attacked them to select some men to fight these Amalekites. So while they were fighting, Moses held up his hands. And as long as those hands were raised up to God, Joshua and his men won. But when Moses' hands went down, the Amalekites started winning. So to steady his hands, Moses had to sit down and have two men, her and Aaron, hold up his hands. And that was how they won the battle. The spiritual side of you is the source of your power. Whatever results you get depends on what is going on inside of you. In Proverbs 4 and 23, it reads, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Guard this area of your life jealously. Personally, I don't joke with my quiet time. Because over the years it's proven to be the source of everything I do. Because that's where I ask God questions. That's where I get wisdom to do things I need to do. That's where the inner man is dealt with. When I've made choices and decisions that were not good, that's where I'm able to reflect on what happened yesterday, the day before. What was I supposed to do? You know, what could I have done better? So I don't joke with my quiet time. Because over the years it has proven to be indeed my place of power and strength. And that's the way it ought to be for all of us. Even Jesus, whom we follow. Jesus took time to be alone. In the midst of all the busyness, meeting with the thousands of people, Jesus would take time to be alone with God. Sometimes all night he prayed, other times he took some hours to pray. No matter how busy he was, he made time because that connection with his father could not be compromised. You should not compromise that as well. Your effectiveness and productivity depend on what is happening with you spiritually. If you see someone going downhill, check the spiritual side. Something had shifted long before that event. So before I let you go today, I want to leave you with something to ponder on. Jesus said in Matthew 22, verse 39, love your neighbor as yourself. Now most of us just zoom right past the last two words. As yourself. Now that assumes that you have something to give. It also assumes that you know what it feels like to be loved, to be cared for, and restored. You can't give what you don't have. Remember, self-care is not about being self-centered, it's about being sustained. It's about honoring the assignment that God has placed in your hands or on your life by stewarding the vessel He gave you to carry it. So I have an assignment for you this week. I want you to identify one area of your life where you've been running on empty. Be honest with yourself. Only one. And commit to one small intentional act of restoration in that area. Write it down. Okay? Write it down. Remember, you matter. Your health matters. Your wholeness matters. Not just for you, but for those who are counting on your leadership from home and abroad. Remember that. Let's pray together. Father, thank you for this time. Thank you for these words, these tips, this advice to guide, to instruct, to deliver. Holy Spirit, I ask that you go ahead and give as many as are listening, that leader listening, the wisdom he or she needs to make the right adjustments, Jesus. To take care of this beautiful, delicate, unique vessel that you've given to each of us. Lord, we ask for wisdom to care for it in a way that helps us to keep running this race to the very end. Thank you, Lord, for doing more than we've asked. In Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you so much for listening to this talk today. In our next episode, I'll be talking about boundaries. Now that's an area of self-care we don't give much thought to. So make sure to tune in. And if you have questions, please send them in. Your question may feature in my QA short form videos. Meanwhile, share this episode with a leader in your life who needs to hear it. Also leave a comment, leave a review. And if you found this talk helpful, please, I would love to hear how it helped you. Until my next talk, lead well, rest well, and be intentional about taking care of you. Bye bye for now.