The L.O.V.E. Check | A Self-Reflection Episode About Healing, Growth & Loving Yourself

In this heartfelt episode of Who Am I? Podcast, Jeff Hopgood introduces The L.O.V.E. Check — a powerful self-reflection framework created to help you pause, look within, and reconnect with yourself.

L.O.V.E. stands for Listen, Own, Value, and Extend Grace.

This episode challenges listeners to listen to themselves without judgment, own their story without shame, value themselves beyond performance, and extend the same grace to themselves that they often give to everyone else.

This conversation is for anyone who has been carrying silent pressure, questioning their worth, hiding behind strength, or being too hard on themselves. Healing does not always begin with having all the answers. Sometimes, it begins with giving yourself permission to be honest.

Before you keep moving forward, take a moment to pause, reflect, and take The L.O.V.E. Check.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Alright, hello everyone. Welcome back to the Who and My Podcast where we pause, reflect, and refocus. But before we get into today's conversation, you guys already know what I do. I have to check on you to see exactly how you are doing. Not a relationship check, not a work check, not a family check, not a social media check. I want to do a love check. And not the kind of love check where you ask, who loves me? Not the kind where you ask, who checked on me? Not the kind where you ask who showed up for me. I want to ask something deeper. How have you been loving yourself lately? Not how have you been performing, not how have you been showing up for everybody else, not how have you been holding everything together, but how have you been loving you? Because some of us know how to love everybody else better than we know how to love ourselves. We know how to encourage everybody else, we know how to pray for everybody else, we know how to forgive everybody else, we know how to be patient with everybody else, we know how to show up when other people are hurting. We know how to say, give yourself grace when we are talking to somebody else. But when it comes to us, we are harsh, we are critical, we are impatient, we are unforgiving, we replay everything we did wrong, we hold ourselves hostage to old mistakes, we talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to somebody we love, and that is why today's episode matters because everybody says love yourself, but nobody talks about how hard that is when life taught you to criticize yourself, hide yourself, and prove yourself. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you are still carrying shame. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you are still carrying guilt. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you are still carrying fear. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you are still carrying disappointment. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you're still trying to recover from rejection. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you were praised for what you did, but not always affirmed for who you were. Nobody talks about how hard it is to love yourself when you have spent your life trying to be enough for people who kept moving the finish line. So before we move forward, ask yourself this: Do I love me or do I only tolerate me? Do I care for myself or do I criticize myself? Do I speak life over myself or do I tear myself down privately? Do I give myself grace or do I punish myself for being human? Do I value myself or do I only feel valuable when somebody needs me? See, that is the precheck. And I know it may be uncomfortable, but healing usually starts with an honest question. It starts with an honest question. And see, everybody says love yourself, but nobody talks about how hard that is when life taught you once again to criticize yourself, hide yourself, and prove yourself. So today we're not talking about selfish love. We're talking about healthy love. The kind of love that lets you stop abandoning yourself, the kind of love that says, I am still growing, but I am still worthy. The kind of love that says I am not perfect, but I am not worthless. The kind of love that says I made a mistake, but I am not my mistake. The kind of love that says I have been through some things, but I am not damaged beyond repair. The kind of love that says I can be honest about where I am without hating myself for not being further. So today we're doing what I call the love check. L O V E. L, listen to yourself without judgment. Oh, own your story without shame. V, value yourself beyond performance, and E extend grace, extend grace to yourself. Because self-love is not arrogance, self-love is not pride, self-love is not walking around like you are better than everybody else. Self-love is an agreement with your God-given value. It is saying if God still sees worth in me, why do I keep treating myself like I am worthless? If it says if God is still working on me, then why do I keep rejecting the person he is restoring? It is saying if God has not given up on me, why am I so quick to give up on myself? So today, let's talk about how to love yourself. How to love yourself, not in a shallow way, not in a selfish way, but in a healing way, a truthful way, a grace-filled way. A way that helps you come back to the person you keep leaving behind. So let's pause, let's reflect, let's refocus. Because here on the Who and My Podcast, we are always asking the deeper questions. Who am I? Who am I? But sometimes that question is hard to answer when we have spent years rejecting ourselves. Sometimes it is hard to know who you are when you only see yourself through your mistakes. Sometimes it is hard to know who you are when you only value yourself based on what you produce. Sometimes it is hard to know who you are when you have been trying to be loved by becoming whatever people needed you to be. So today we're slowing down. We are doing a love check. Not to make ourselves the center of the universe, but to stop treating ourselves like we do not matter. So let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

The first letter in the love check is L. Listen to yourself without judgment.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Now that may sound simple. That may sound simple, but for some people, this is hard. And it's hard because we are not used to listening to ourselves. We are used to silencing ourselves. We are used to punishing. I'm sorry, we are used to pushing through. We are used to saying, I'm fine even when we are not fine. We are used to ignoring what we feel because there is always something that needs to be done. We are used to putting our emotions on hold because other people's needs feel more urgent. We are used to dismissing ourselves. And sometimes we do not just dismiss ourselves, we judge ourselves. If we are tired, we say I should be stronger. If we are hurt, we say I should be over this by now. If we need help, we say I should be able to handle this. If we are scared, we say I should have more faith. If we are overwhelmed, we say what is wrong with me. But listen, you cannot love yourself while constantly judging yourself for being human. Self-love starts with listening. Ask yourself, what do I really feel? Now, what should I feel? But what do I really feel? Not what do people expect me to feel? Not what sounds mature, not what sounds spiritual, what do I really feel? Am I tired? Am I sad, disappointed? Am I lonely? Am I angry? Am I overwhelmed? Am I afraid, grieving, confused, numb? Then ask, what do I really need? Do I need rest? Do I need space to myself? Do I need support, prayer, counseling? Do I need to establish boundaries? Do I need to forgive? Do I need to apologize? Do I need to stop pretending that I'm okay? Do I need to tell the truth? Then ask, what have I been ignoring? What have I been ignoring? Because sometimes, sometimes the part of you that needs love the most is the part of you that you keep ignoring. Maybe you have been ignoring your body, been ignoring your peace, ignoring your dreams, your pain, ignoring your relationship with God. Maybe you have been ignoring the fact that you keep showing up for people who do not show up for you. Maybe you have been ignoring the way you talk to yourself. Maybe you have been ignoring the fact that you are exhausted from trying to prove you are enough. Listening to yourself without judgment means you create a safe place inside of you. A place where your heart can tell the truth, a place where your feelings can speak without being attacked, a place where you can say, I am not okay without immediately, without immediately shaming yourself. And for somebody listening, that may be the beginning of your healing. Because you have spent so much time being strong that you forgot how to be honest. But love listens. Love does not rush to condemn. Love does not say you should not feel that. Love says, tell me what is really going on. So today, the first part of loving yourself is learning to listen to yourself, not to worship your feelings, not to obey every emotion, but to understand what your inner life is trying to tell you. Because you cannot love the version of yourself you keep pretending does not exist. The second letter is O. Own your story without shame. This is a big one. This is a big one because some of us are still running from parts of our story. We are ashamed of what happened, ashamed of what we allowed, ashamed of what we did, ashamed of where we came from, ashamed of what we survived, ashamed of who left, ashamed of who hurt us, ashamed of the seasons when we lost ourselves, ashamed of the choices we made when we did not know better. And because we are ashamed, we try to hide parts of ourselves. We hide the pain, the scars, the struggles, the past, the questions. We hide the parts of us that do not look polished. But here's the truth. Here's the truth. You cannot heal what you keep hiding. And you cannot love yourself while hating your story. Now that does not mean you have to love everything that happened to you. It does not mean you have to call pain good. It does not mean you have to pretend the past did not hurt. It does not mean you have to be proud of every decision you made. But it does mean this. You can stop letting shame define you. Your past may explain you, but it does not have to define you. Your story may have shaped you, but it does not have to own you. Your wounds may be a part of your history, but they do not have to be your identity. Your mistakes may be real, but they are not the totality of who you are. Some of us need to say, yes, that happened. Yes, I went through that. Yes, I made that mistake. Yes, I stayed too long. Yes, I trusted the wrong person. Yes, I lost myself in that season. Yes, I was broken, I was afraid, but however, I am still here. And being still here means the story is not over. That matters. It matters because shame wants to freeze you in the worst chapters of your life. Shame wants you to believe that the worst thing you did is the trust of shame wants you to believe that the worst thing you did is the truest thing about you. Shame wants you to believe that because you failed there, you cannot grow up here. Shame wants you to believe that because people saw you in a low place, you can never rise. But grace tells a different story. Grace says this you can learn, you can grow, you can heal, you can become, you can be restored, you can own what happened without being owned by it. That is so powerful. And that is what self-love does. Self-love says, I will not keep attacking the person who survived. Self-love says, I will tell the truth about my story, but I will not let shame write the ending. Self-love says, I will tell the truth about my story, but I will not let shame rewrite the ending. It says I may have been through, but I am not less worthy because of it. That is important, and that is important because some people are trying to love themselves while still rejecting the parts of their story that need compassion. Maybe the younger version of you needs compassion, maybe the scared version of you needs compassion, maybe the version of you that stayed too long needs compassion. Maybe the version of you that did not know how to speak up for yourself needs compassion. Maybe the version of you that made choices from pain needs compassion. You do not heal by constantly attacking who you used to be. You heal by telling the truth, learning the lesson, and releasing the shame.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Own your own story. Do not let it own you. The third letter is V.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Value yourself beyond performance. Value yourself beyond performance. Value yourself beyond performance. This is where many of us struggle today. Because we live in a world that celebrates production.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

What do you what did you do? What did you build?

SPEAKER_00 18:23

What did you accomplish? What title did you have? How much money do you make? How many people follow you? How many people need you? How strong are you? How much can you carry? And if we are not careful, we start believing our worth is only connected to our usefulness. We feel valuable when we are needed. We feel valuable when we are successful. We feel valuable when we are helping, when we are strong, when we are producing, when we are being praised. But what happens when you are tired? What happens when you cannot be strong today? What happens when you need help? When you are not producing, when nobody is clapping, when you are in a quiet season of your life, when you are healing and not achieving. Do you still believe you are valuable? That is the question. Because self-love requires you to value yourself beyond what you produce. You are more than your job. You are more than your title. You are more than your ministry. You are more than your relationship status. You are more than your income. You are more than your responsibilities, than your mistakes. You are more than what people need from you. You are more than what you can do. You are valuable because you are God's creation. See, the Bible tells us in Psalms 139 and 14, I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Now sit with that. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. That means your value did not begin when people approved of you. Your value did not begin when you got the job. Your value did not begin when you got the title. Your value did not begin when somebody chose you. Your value did not begin when you became useful to somebody. Your value began with the one who created you. And if God made you wonderfully, why do you keep speaking to yourself like you are worthless? If God made you intentionally, he made you intentionally, then why do you keep treating yourself like you are an accident? If God still has purpose for you, why do you keep defining yourself by the season that hurt you? Self-love is not you worshiping yourself. It is you agreeing with what God already said about you. It is you saying I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even while I am still growing. It is you saying I am valuable even when I am resting. I do not have to earn my right to be cared for. And let me speak to the person who has always been the strong one, the dependable one, the one everybody calls, the one everybody leans on, the one who gets it done, the one who carries the weight. You are valuable even when you put the weight down. You are valuable even when you put the weight down. You are valuable even when you say, I cannot do it today. You are valuable even when you need somebody else to pray for you. You are valuable even when you are not the answer to everybody's problem. Your worth is not in being needed, your worth is being known by God. That is a different kind of love. That is a love that does not rise and fall with performance. That is a love that says, I matter even when I am not producing. The fourth letter is E. Extend grace to yourself. Now, this may be one of the hardest parts of the self-love because some of us are quick to extend grace to other people. Somebody else makes mistakes and we say it is okay, you're a human. Somebody else is struggling and we say give yourself time. Somebody else is growing and we say, do not be so hard on yourself. Somebody else is hurting and we say, you are doing the best you can. But when it is us, we do not talk like that. We say, you should have known better. You always mess up. You are behind, you are not enough. You should be stronger. You should be further. You should be over this by now. You should have more faith. But I want to ask you something. Would you speak to somebody you love the way you speak to yourself? Would you talk to your child that way? Would you talk to your spouse that way? Would you talk to your friend that way? Would you talk to somebody who came to you broken and trying to heal that way? If the answer is no, then why do you keep talking to yourself like that? Self-love means learning to extend grace inward, not just outward. It means talking to yourself with compassion. It means giving yourself room to grow. It means admitting, admitting when you are wrong without destroying yourself. It means holding yourself accountable without hating. Yourself. It means saying, I made a mistake, but I can learn. I am struggling, but I am not hopeless. I am healing, and I and healing takes time. I am growing, and growth is a process. I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be. That is grace. Grace does not excuse everything. Grace does not ignore responsibility. Grace does not mean you never change. Grace means you do not have to hate yourself into becoming better. Let me say that again. You do not have to hate yourself into becoming better. Some people think if they are hard enough on themselves, they will change. But shame does not produce healthy transformation. Shame makes you hide, shame makes you perform, shame makes you pretend, but grace, grace gives you room to heal. Grace fills the gaps. Grace gives you room to tell the truth. Grace gives you room to grow without being crushed by condemnation. So extend grace to yourself. Forgive the version of you that did not know how to leave. Forgive the version of you that trusted the wrong person. Forgive the version of you that tried to survive the only way they knew how. See, that does not mean you ignore the lesson. It means you stop living under the sentence. You can learn from the past without living punished by it. You can learn from the past without holding on to it. You can take accountability without carrying shame as an identity. You can say I did that without saying this is all I am. That is grace. And some of you need to give yourself permission to receive the grace you keep giving away.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Now let's make this practical.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Because it is one thing to say I love myself. It is another thing to practice it. See, self-love is not just a statement, it is a practice. It is something you do daily. It shows up in small decisions. Resting can be self-love, setting boundaries can be self-love. Praying honestly can be self-love. Eating better can be self-love. Making healthier choices can be self-love. Speaking kindly, speaking kindly to yourself can be self-love. Asking for help, self-love.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Choosing peace, self-love. Walking away from what keeps wounding you, self-love.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Saying no without guilt can be self-love. Letting yourself enjoy life can be self-love. Turning off your phone, forgiving yourself, drinking water, going to bed, checking in with yourself before checking on everybody else. It's all self-love. And sometimes we make self-love so complicated. We think it has to be a huge transformation, but sometimes it starts with one small decision that says, I am not abandoning myself today. That is so powerful. I am not abandoning myself today because many of us have a pattern of abandoning ourselves. We abandon our needs to keep people happy. We abandon our boundaries to avoid conflict. We abandon our peace to prove a point. We abandon our rest to keep producing. We abandon our voice to avoid rejection. We abandon our truth to be accepted. But self-love. Self-love, self-love, oh self-love says this.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

I am done leaving me behind.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Not in a selfish way, in a healthy way. See, selfishness says I only matter. Self-love says I matter too. There is a difference. Selfishness disregards others. Self-love stops disregarding yourself. Selfishness takes from people. Self-love teaches you how to care for the life God gave you. See, selfishness makes everything about you. Self-love reminds you that you are included in the people you are called to love. See, that is important because some of us feel guilty for loving ourselves because we confuse love with arrogance. But healthy self-love is not arrogance. It is alignment. It is saying, I agree with God about my worth. I agree with God that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I agree with God that I need grace. I agree with God that my life has value. I agree with God that I am worth caring for.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

That is not pride, that is truth. So let's pause right here for a moment. And I want you to take this personally and ask yourself where have I been rejecting myself?

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Where have I been rejecting myself? Is it in the way I speak to myself? Is it in the way I punish myself for old mistakes? Is it in the way I ignore my needs? Is it in the way I compare myself to other people? Is it in the way I only feel valuable when I am needed?

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Is it in the way I only feel important when folks are around me?

SPEAKER_00 30:38

Is it in the way I keep trying to earn love by overextending myself?

SPEAKER_01 30:46

Now ask yourself this. What would it look like to love myself this week?

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Maybe it looks like rest. Maybe it looks like setting boundaries or forgiving yourself or speaking one kind word over yourself every morning. Maybe it can look like asking for help. Maybe it can look like stopping the negative self-talk. That's a big one. Negative self-talk. Maybe it can look like admitting I'm hurt instead of pretending I'm fine. Maybe it looks like praying. Lord, help me see myself the way you see me. That is a powerful prayer. Help me see myself the way you see me. Because sometimes we see ourselves through rejection, through shame, through failure, through people who mishandled us, but God sees us beyond the wound. God sees us beyond the mistake. For he looks beyond our faults and sees the need. God sees behind the chapter you keep replaying. God sees who he created. He sees who he's restoring. God sees who you are becoming. So this week, this week, let your love become practice. Not just words, practice. Listen to yourself and own your story. Do not allow your story to own you. Value yourself beyond performance. Extend grace to yourself. That is the love check.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

So as we get ready to close, I want to leave you with this little tidbit.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

You cannot fully become who you are called to be while constantly rejecting the person God is still working on. You are still growing, but you are still worthy. You're still healing, but you're still valuable. You are learning, but you are still loved. You are still becoming, but you are still fearfully and wonderfully made. Do not wait until you are perfect to start loving yourself. Do not wait until everything is fixed. Do not wait until everybody approves. Do not wait until you never struggle. Do not wait until you have no flaws. Love yourself while you are becoming, while you are learning, while you are healing. Love yourself enough to tell the truth. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Establish those boundaries. Love yourself enough to rest. Love yourself enough to forgive. Love yourself enough to stop talking to yourself like you are the enemy. Love yourself enough to agree with God about your values. Because self-love is not selfish. It is stewardship. It is stewardship. It is caring for the person God trusted you to be. So this week, do not just say I love myself. Practice it, live it, speak to yourself with grace, choose one boundary, forgive one old version of you. Rest without guilt, and remind yourself, I am still growing, but I am still worthy of love. That is your charge. Do not abandon yourself this week. Do not keep leaving yourself behind. Do not keep rejecting the person God is restoring. Do the love check. Listen to yourself without judgment. Own your story without shame. Value yourself beyond performance and extend grace to yourself. And when that old voice tries to tell you that you are not enough, remind it, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. When shame tries to pull you back, remind it, my past may explain me, but it does not define me. When performance tries to measure your worth, remind it, I am valuable even when I am resting. When guilt tries to make you reject yourself, remind it, God has not given up on me, and I will not give up on me either. So this has been the Who in My Podcast, and once again I'm your host, Jeff Hopgood, reminding you to pause, reflect, and refocus. But before you go, I want you to ask yourself one question. How can I love myself better this week? Not louder, not for show, not for applause, but better. Better in a real way, in a healthy way, in a grace-filled way. And remember, remember this. You're not selfish for needing love. You are not weak for needing grace. You are not wrong for needing rest. You are not behind because you are still healing. You are not worthless because you're still growing, you are still becoming, you're still loved, you're still worth caring for. So keep asking the question, who am I? And this week, once again, I want you to do this. Add one more. Am I loving the person God is still restoring? So until next time, protect your peace. Speak to yourself with grace. And remember, you are still growing, but you are still worthy of love. So before we move forward, I want you to pause for just a moment. Take a breath. Wherever you are, whatever you're carrying, this next part is for you. Let's speak life over ourselves out loud if we can. Because what we say in this moment has the power to shift how we walk into the rest of our day. So let's begin with our affirmation. I am not defined by my past or limited by my mistake. I am growing, learning, and becoming who I was created to be. I have values beyond titles, roles, and expectations. I choose honesty over fear and growth over comfort. I am allowed to change, heal, and evolve. I walk with purpose, clarity, and courage. I am becoming more aligned with my true self every day and who I am is enough. So as we close today's episode, I want to thank you for taking this time for yourself. If something you heard challenged you, inspired you, or made you pause and reflect, please, please don't keep it to yourself. Share this episode with someone who may need it. Invite them into the conversation. See, this podcast grows when we grow together. I cannot do this without you. I promise you I can. See, we grow together through shared stories, honest reflections, and real connections. Every listen, every share, every conversation helps create a community. A community rooted in purpose, rooted in love, rooted in hope, rooted in faith, rooted in trust and truth. So until next time, keep reflecting, keep becoming, and remember, you are. This is the Who Am I Podcast, and let's walk this journey together.