Love Me, But Not My Children? | When Relationship Love Comes With Rejection

In this powerful and thought-provoking episode of Who Am I? Podcast, Jeff Hopgood talks about the painful reality of being in a relationship where someone loves and wants you, but does not fully accept your children.

This episode explores the emotional tension many parents face when they feel torn between romantic love and protecting their child’s emotional safety. Children are not baggage, obstacles, or interruptions. They are part of your heart, your responsibility, and your story.

Jeff discusses the difference between someone adjusting to your children and someone rejecting them, the red flags parents should not ignore, and why love should never make a child feel unwanted in their own home.

This episode is for single parents, blended families, dating parents, and anyone who has ever wondered whether a relationship is bringing peace into the home or creating silent division.

Before you move forward, ask yourself: Does this love make room for all of me, or only the part of me that is convenient?

Transcript

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Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Who Am I podcast where we pause, reflect, and refocus. But before we get into today's episode, I want to pause for a moment and let me check on your heart for a moment. Not a check on your partner first, not a check on your children first, not even a check on what everybody else thinks first, but I want to check on you. Ask yourself, have I been ignoring something because I want this relationship to work so badly? Have I been making excuses for behavior that keeps making my child feel small, unwanted, or uncomfortable? Have I been calling it adjustment when deep down I know it feels more like rejection? Have I been so hungry to be loved that I've started negotiating the emotional safety of my home? Have I been asking my child to understand adult decisions that even my own heart is struggling to explain? And here's the big one. Am I trying to build a future with someone who only wants the version of me that does not come with responsibility? Because sometimes we do not want to ask the hard questions, because the answer may require us to make a hard decision. But healing, healing starts when honesty walks into the room. So today, today we're not just talking about dating, we are not just talking about romance, we are not just talking about blended families. Today

A Check On Your Heart

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we are talking about love, loyalty, parenting, rejection, emotional responsibility, and what happens when somebody says I love you, but their action says I do not accept what comes with you. So welcome again to the Who Am I Podcast. I am your host, Jethro Jeff Hopgood, and today's episode is called Love Me but not my children. Love me but not my children. And the subtopic of this episode is when relationship love comes with rejection. So let's talk about it for a moment. See, there is a kind of pain that does not always make a lot of noise, it does not always come with yelling, it does not always come with a slam door, it does not always come with someone saying, I do not like your child. Sometimes it comes quietly, it comes in the form of an eye roll, a cold shoulder, a sarcastic comment, a change in tone and attitude when your child walks in the room, a deep sigh when your child needs something, a partner who loves being with you until your children needs attention. And that is when the heart starts wrestling. Because on one side, on one side, you may love this person, you may see potential, you may enjoy the companionship, you may love how they treat you when the kids are not around. You may love the dates, the conversation, the affection, the plans, the laughter, the idea of finally having someone by your side. But then reality walks in. Your child needs you, your child wants attention, your child has feelings, your child has needs, your child has a place in your life that cannot be erased just because someone new wants access to your heart. And suddenly the relationship starts feeling divided. You feel like you're living in two worlds. One world where you are loved, another world where your children are tolerated. And let me say this clearly there is a big difference

The Quiet Ways Rejection Shows

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between someone adjusting to your children and someone rejecting your children. See, adjustment says this. Rejection says I wish they were not here. Adjustment may need patience, but rejection needs attention. See, adjustments may need conversations, rejection may need boundaries. Adjustments may say I do not know how to do this yet, but rejection says I do not want to do this at all. And the danger is when we are emotionally invested, we can confuse the two. When we are emotionally invested, we can confuse the two. We can call rejection growing pains. We can call disrespect, they just need time. We can call coldness, they are not used to kids. We can call emotional distance, they are trying. But deep down, the spirit knows when something is not right. A child knows when they are not wanted. See, children may not have the vocabulary to explain it, but they can feel it. They can feel when someone stiffens up when they come near, they can

Adjustment Versus Rejection

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feel when someone treats them like an interruption instead of a human being. They can feel when the mood changes because they enter the room. And the hard truth is this. This is the hard truth. A child should not have to compete with your relationship for emotional safety. Let that sit for a moment. Does my parents still have room for me now that they are in love? A child should not have to feel like they are standing outside of the home while someone else gets the warmest parts of you. A child should not have to become quiet just to keep the peace. A child should not have to shrink so the relationship can survive. Because when you are a parent, love does not walk into a relationship alone. Your history comes with you, your responsibilities come with you, your healing comes with you, and yes, your children comes with you. See, they are not baggage, they are not leftovers from another relationship, they are not an inconvenience, they are not a problem someone has to deal with in order to get to you. Your children are living souls, they are hearts, they are minds, they are developing identities, they are watching how love behaves. And not only this, they are learning what respect looks like, they are learning what acceptance feels like, and they are learning from your choices what they should tolerate later. See, this is why this conversation matters because sometimes we think we are only making a romantic decision, but when children are involved, we are also making a home decision, we are making an environment decision, we are making an emotional safety decision, we are making a legacy decision, and I know this is heavy because somebody listening right now may be saying, but Jeff, they treat me so good. They just struggle with my kids, and I hear you, I really do. But I want to ask you something. Can somebody truly treat you good while mistreating what is connected to your heart? Can somebody truly honor you while dishonoring the people you are responsible for protecting? Can somebody truly love you while resenting the children who are a part of your life? See, that does not mean they have to instantly become a perfect step parent. That does not mean they have to know exactly what to do on day one. That does not mean that everything will always be easy. See, blended families take a lot of work, relationships with children involves takes a lot of patience, it takes maturity, it takes communication, it takes wisdom, it takes time, it takes grace, but there must be willingness, there must be

Your Child Should Feel Safe

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respect, there must be kindness, there must be emotional responsibilities, there must be a commitment that says, I may not have created this child, but I understand that this child matters to you. And because this child matters to you, I will handle them with care. See, that is the difference because love is not just what someone feels for you privately, love is also how they handle what matters to you publicly. See, love is easy for somebody to love you on a date night. It is easy to love you when the kids are away. It is easy to love you when nobody needs anything. It is easy to love you when you are dressed up, smiling, and giving them your full attention. But what happens when your child gets sick? What happens when your child needs help with homework? What happens when your child is acting out because they are adjusting to? What happens when your plans change because parenting has no pause button? What happens when you cannot answer every phone call because you are helping your child? And what happens when money, time, affection, and attention have to be shared? See, that is when you learn whether someone loves the reality of your life or just the fantasy of having you. Because some people want the partner, but they do not want the parent. They want your affection, but not your responsibilities. They want your attention, but not your obligations. They want your body, your time, your presence, your support, but they do not want the part of your life that requires sacrifice. And let me be very, very clear. You are not wrong for wanting love. You are not wrong for wanting companionship. You're not wrong for wanting to be chosen. You are not wrong for wanting somebody to hold you, support you, pray with you, to build with you, and to walk through life with you. Single parents, divorced parents, widow parents, parents who are starting over, you deserve love too. You deserve healthy love, you deserve patient love, mature love. You deserve a relationship that does not make you feel punished for having children. But you also have to remember the love you choose for yourself becomes part of the atmosphere your children live into. So the question is not just, do they love me? The question is, this is the question, do they bring peace into my home? Do they respect my role as a parent? Do they speak to my children with care? Do they understand that my children are not competition? Do they support healthy boundaries? Do they make my children feel safe, seen, and valued? Or do they make me feel like I have to choose? Because love that always makes you choose between your partner and your children is not love. That is pressure dressed up like romance. So now I want to speak to the person who is dating someone with children, too. Because this episode is not about attacking you, it is about awakening you. See, when you choose to love someone with children, you are stepping into a life that was already moving before you arrived. There are already rhythms, there are already wounds, there are already routines. There may be custody schedules, there may be co-parenting issues, there may even be children who are grieving a divorce, a breakup, a death, absence, abandonment, or maybe even change. See, you're not walking into a blank canvas. You're not. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're not walking into a blank canvas. You are walking into a story. And if you're not ready to respect that story, you may need to be honest before you cause damage. Because it is not fair to say you want someone, but then punish them for being a parent. It is not fair to love the adult and resent the child. It is not fair to compete with the children for attention. It is not fair to make the parent feel guilty for doing what a parent is supposed to do. So if you're not ready for children, say that. If you need time, say that. If you are overwhelmed, say that. But do not smile in the parent's face while making their child feel unwanted behind their back. See that kind of rejection leaves marks. And let me say this too. Acceptance, acceptance does not mean you have to force

Loving You Means Respecting Kids

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fake closeness. Children can sense fake love too. Acceptance may start with learning their personalities, giving space, building trust, and showing consistency. See, you may not become close overnight, but that's okay. But you should never, never, absolutely never, be cruel. You should never be dismissive. You should never be manipulative. You should never make the child feel like they are in the way of your happiness. See, a mature person understands this. This is what they understand. If I love the parent, I must respect the child, not control the child, not replace the other parent, not force the child to love me, but respect them. Because children are not furniture in a relationship, they are not background noise, they are not accessories, they are people. And people need care. Now let's talk about the red flags. We have to address the red flags. See, a red flag is when your partner constantly complains every time your children need you. A red flag is when they want alone time so badly that they become irritated with normal parenting responsibilities. See, a red flag is when they treat their own children differently from yours. See, a red flag is when they say things like, your child is the reason we do not have the peace, instead of looking at the whole dynamic. See, a red flag is when your child becomes quieter, more anxious, more withdrawn, or more angry after being around them. A red flag is when your partner tries to isolate you from your children emotionally. A red flag is when they make you feel guilty for loving your children. A red flag is when they constantly remind you that is not my child, especially when the child needs compassion. See, a red flag is when they are only kind to your child when you are watching. See, that one right there is serious. Some people know how to perform kindness in front of you, but behind the scenes, they are cold, dismissive, sarcastic, or emotionally unavailable. And see, that is why you have to listen. You have to listen to your children, listen to the atmosphere, listen to your spirit, and listen to the pattern, not just the apology. Because an apology without

Respect Without Fake Closeness

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change is just a temporary band-aid over a recurring womb. And let's be honest, let's be honest, some children do act out. Some children may resist the relationship, some children may be disrespectful, some children may be grieving, some children may even test boundaries, some children may feel loyal to the other parent and not know how to accept someone new. So this is not about saying every child is always right and every partner is always wrong. No. This is about wisdom. You still need boundaries, you still need structure, you still need discipline, you still need communication, you still need to teach your child respect, but discipline should never become an excuse for rejection. Correction should never become cruelty. Structure should never become emotional abandonment, and your relationship should never become a battlefield where the adult and child are fighting for your love. Because nobody wins in that. So somebody is wondering right now, what do you do? First, you stop pretending. You cannot heal what you keep minimizing. You have to be honest enough to say something is off, and it's not dramatic, it's not accusatory, it is not explosive, but honest. You may have to say, I notice there is tension between you and my child. I want to understand what is going on, but I also need to be clear that my child must be treated with respect. You may have to say, I love you, but I cannot build a future where my children feels unwanted. You may even have to say, I am willing to work through adjustment, but I am not willing to excuse rejection. See, that is powerful. That is powerful because sometimes we stay silent, trying to keep the relationship alive, but not realizing silence may be killing the peace in the home. The second thing is this you watch for willingness, you watch for willingness. See, when you bring up your concerns, do they listen? Or do they get defensive? Do they blame the child? Do they mock your parenting? Do they turn themselves into the victim? Do they make you feel crazy for noticing? Or do they pause and say, you know what? You're right. I need to do better. I did not realize how

Red Flags You Cannot Ignore

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my actions were coming across. Let's work on this. See, that response right there matters. And it matters because the goal is not perfection, the goal is willingness. See, a person who is willing can grow. A person who is accountable can change. A person who is humble can learn. A person who cares. A person who cares can adjust. But a person who refuses to see the harm will keep repeating the harmful behavior. The third thing is this you create boundaries. See, love without boundaries becomes chaos. Boundaries may sound like this. You do not have to be perfect, but you do have to be respectful. We are not going to speak about my children as if they are a burden. That's a big one. We are not going to speak about my children as if they are a burden. Another one is this you cannot punish my child emotionally because you are frustrated with me. We will not move forward into marriage or living together until we address this dynamic. And then another thing is this my child's emotional safety is non-negotiable. See, that is not being mean, that is being responsible. Because peace requires protection. And parents, hear me clearly. Your child may not remember every gift you bought them. They may not remember every meal you cooked. They may not remember every ride, every errand, every bill you paid. But they will remember whether or not you protected them emotionally. They will remember if you saw the pain and ignored it. They will remember if you chose romance over their sense of belonging. They will remember if they had to become invincible so you could be happy. And I know that sounds heavy right now, I really do. But sometimes love requires us to face what is heavy so we do not repeat what is harmful. I also want to talk to you about the loneliness piece. Because this is where a lot of people get trapped. They get trapped here in this phase of life. See, loneliness can make rejection look smaller than it is. See, when you have been alone for a long time, when you have been hurt, when you have been carrying everything by yourself, and when you finally find someone who makes you smile again, it is tempting to overlook certain things that they do. You may say, nobody is perfect, and that is true. That is a true statement. You may even say relationships take work. You may say they treat me better than anybody else has ever done. And that may be true too. That may be true too. But here's another truth. Better than your past does not always mean healthy for your future. Some people are better than what hurt you before, but still not healthy enough for where God is taking you next. See, some relationships feel good because they are better than loneliness, but they still do not bring you peace. And you deserve more than a relationship that only feels good when your children are absent. You deserve a love that can sit at the table with your reality. You deserve a love that does not punish you for being a parent. You deserve a love that does

Loneliness Can Blur Reality

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not make your child feel like leftovers from a chapter somebody wishes you could erase. Because your children are not a chapter to erase, they are a part of the book. They are, matter of fact, they are the book. And anybody who wants to love you has to respect that they are reading a story that already has pages. Now, let me say this. Does that mean you should run away at the first sign of tension? Not always. Some things need that conversation we were talking about earlier. Some things need counseling, some things need time, some things need prayer, maturity, some things need to be better structured. But when the pattern is consistent, rejection, disrespect, coldness, jealousy, manipulation, or emotional harm, then love requires you to step back and ask, What exactly am I building? Because love is not only about how someone makes you feel in private. Love is also about what kind of environment they help create. See, you can love someone and still realize they are not ready for your life. You can care about someone and still admit they are not safe for your home. You can see potential in someone and still choose protection over possibilities. Let me say that again. You can see potential in someone and still choose protection over possibilities. See, sometimes you have to choose protection over potential, because potential does not raise children, potential does not heal wounds, potential does not create peace, potential does not guarantee change, but accountability does, consistency does, humility does, respect does, love in action does. See, a person can have potential and still cause pain. And you cannot build a healthy family on who someone might become while ignoring who they keep choosing to be. So for the parent who feels guilty, let me encourage you for a moment. See, you may feel like you failed because the relationship is hard. You may even feel like you should have seen it sooner. You may even feel embarrassed because you defended this person. You may feel torn because your heart loves them, but your spirit is uneasy. Give yourself grace. Give yourself grace because of this. Sometimes we see what we want to see because we are human. Sometimes we give chances because we want the family to work. But once your eyes are open, you are responsible for what you do next. Do not shame yourself for not knowing sooner. Just be brave enough to respond now. And you respond because of this. You respond because your next decision can bring your home back into alignment. And to the person who may be saying, but my child likes them sometimes, I want you to pay attention to consistency. See, children can have mixed feelings. They can like someone and still feel unsafe at times. They can enjoy fun moments and still carry confusion. See, that is why you have to look consistently at the patterns. Does your child feel free to be themselves? Do they feel respected? Do they feel emotionally safe? Do they feel like they still

Choose Protection Over Potential

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have access to you? Do they feel like home is still home? Because home should not feel like a place where a child has to audition for acceptance. Home should be a place of covering. And no, it will not always be perfect. No family is perfect, no blended family is perfect, no parent is perfect, no partner will ever be perfect. But there should be love, there should be effort, there should be respect, there should be repair after conflict, there should be growth, and there should be no consistent atmosphere of rejection. Now let's go deeper. Because sometimes the issue is not the child, sometimes the child is just the mirror. The child reveals the partner's insecurity, the child reveals their jealousy, the child reveals their lack of patience, their need to control their immaturity, the child reveals their inability to share love. Because when a person sees a child as competition, that is not a child's problem. That is an adult problem. When a person gets angry because your child needs your attention, that is an adult problem. When a person resents your parenting responsibilities, that's an adult problem. And adults must be responsible for adult emotions. It is not the child's job to make the new partner feel secure. It is not the child's job to disappear so the relationships feel easier. It is not the child's job to carry the emotional weight of adult insecurity. That is why healing matters. Because unhealed adults can make children pay for wounds they did not create. And that is not okay. That is not okay, my friend. Now I want to say something that may challenge somebody here. Do not use your desire for a relationship as an excuse to ignore your child's discomfort. And also, do not use your child as an excuse to avoid every relationship. Both can be unhealthy because some parents are so afraid of getting hurt again that they do not let anybody in. And some children may resist every person because they are afraid of change. So wisdom here is needed. See, this episode is not saying your children get to control your entire romantic life. It is saying your children deserve emotional safety in the life you build. That, my friend, is the balance. That is the balance here today. Your child does not have to choose your partner, but your partner must respect your child, and your children must respect your partner. Your child may need time, but your partner must show patience. Your child may have feelings, but your partner must not punish them for having feelings. And you, as the parent, must lead with wisdom. Wisdom, not guilt, not fear, not desperation, not loneliness, but wisdom. Because love without wisdom can become attachment. And attachments will make you cling to something that keeps hurting your house. So here is a powerful question for you today. Is this relationship helping my home heal, or is it teaching my home how to survive more pain? See, that is the question. That is the question because some people come into your life and bring peace. Others come into your life and bring division, even if they say all the right words. Let me say that again. Because some people come into your life and bring peace, while others come into your life and bring division, even if they say all the right words. And let's be honest. Let's be honest here, because words are easy. Words are easy. I love you, it's easy. But love is not just a sentence. Love is stewardship. Love is actions. Love is how you handle what has been entrusted to someone else. If you love a parent, you must understand that their heart has assignments attached to it. Their child is not your enemy. Their child is not the reason they cannot give you 100% of their attention. Their child is not a threat. Their child is a part of the life you said you wanted to enter. And if you cannot accept that, then the most loving thing you can do is be honest. You can be honest because false acceptance hurts everybody.

Does This Relationship Bring Peace

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So be honest, because this is what happens when we're dishonest. The parent gets attached, the child gets wounded, the partner grows resentful, the home becomes tense. Honesty early can prevent heartbreak later. So for someone listening who is already married or living together, this conversation may hit a little different for you. You may not be able to just walk away quickly. There may be finances, vows, housing, custody, share responsibilities, and emotional layers attached. So start with truth. Start with the truth. Have the conversation, seek counseling if needed, bring in wise support, create boundaries, watch for change. Those early signs of change, watch for change. Protect the children. Do not dismiss what is happening. And if there is abuse, cruelty, intimidation, or emotional harm that is escalating, do not handle that alone. Get help. Talk to someone safe. Make a plan. Protect your home. You protect your home because love should never require your child to be broken. Now let me bring this on home. Let me bring this on home. See, there is a difference between someone loving your presence and someone respecting your life. Some people love your smile, but not your struggle. They love your companionship, but not your calling. They love your affection, but not your responsibilities. They love the idea of you, but not the reality of you. And when children are involved, reality matters. It really does. You cannot date the highlight reel and reject the responsibilities. You cannot date the highlight reel and reject the

When Harm Escalates Get Help

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responsibilities. You cannot say you want the harvest but despise the roots. You cannot say you want the house but reject the foundation. You cannot say you love the parent but make the child feel like an unwanted guest. Because real love makes room. Real love does not always know what to do, but it is willing to learn. Real love does not demand that the children disappear. Real love does not compete with the child. Real love does not punish a parent for parenting. Real love says this. This is what real love says. I love you enough to respect what matters to you. And parent, you need to hear this. Hear me clearly. You are not asking too much by warning your children respected. You're not being difficult because you expect kindness. You're not being unreasonable because you refuse to tolerate rejection. You're not being dramatic because your spirit, your spirit is unsettled. You know what? You are being a parent. And parent is not just providing clothes, food, shelter, and school supplies. Parenting is also protecting the atmosphere. It is protecting the peace, the identity, it is protecting the heart that have been entrusted to you. So if someone says they love you, but their love keeps creating pain for your children, you have to pause. Pause before you defend them. Pause before you ignore the patterns. You have to pause before you tell your child that is just how they are. Pause before you move forward. Pause before you blend lives with someone who has not shown they can even handle what is already part of you. So pause, reflect, refocus, and ask yourself. Ask yourself, can we grow through this? Is this person willing to change? Is this a season of adjustments or a pattern of rejection? Are my children emotionally safe? You even have to ask, am I at peace? Because peace is information, it is valuable information. And sometimes your lack of peace is trying to tell you what your heart does not want to admit. Sometimes your lack of peace is trying to tell you what your heart does not want to admit. So now I want to close with this thought. Love should not require you to abandon the people you are called to protect. Love should not make your children feel like they are in the way. Love should not make you feel guilty for being a parent. Love should not turn your home into a place of quiet rejection. See, the right person may not know everything about being in your family at first, but the right person will care enough to learn. They will care enough to listen, they will care enough to adjust, to apologize, to grow. They will care enough to treat your child like a human being with feelings, not like an obstacle to their happiness. And if they cannot do that, you may have your answer. You may have your answer not because they are a terrible person, but because they may not be the right person for this season of your life. Sometimes the most loving thing you can say is, I love you, but I cannot let this love cost my child their peace. That is not bitterness, that is boundaries. That is not rejection, that is protection. That is not failure, that is wisdom. So to the parent listening today, I want to encourage you. You're not alone. You're not crazy. You're not wrong for wanting love. And you are not wrong for wanting your children to be accepted, respected, and safe.

Standards For Real Love

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Do not settle for a love that only makes room for half of you. Do not settle for a relationship that loves your smile but resents your responsibilities. Do not settle for someone who wants the benefit of your heart but rejects the people connected to it. You deserve a love that brings peace into the home. Your children deserve to feel safe in their own home. And your future deserves to be built on truth, not denial. So this week, this week, I want you to sit with this question. Does this love make room for all of me? Or only the part of me that is convenient? Because real love does not just want access, real love accepts responsibilities. Real love honors the whole story. Real love makes room. Real love makes room. So remember this. Remember this. You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not the labels someone placed on your life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. So until next time, pause, reflect, refocus, and never stop discovering who you are. So before we move forward, I want you to pause for just a moment. Take a breath. Wherever you are, whatever you're carrying, this next part is for you. Let's speak life over ourselves out loud if you can. Because what we say in this moment has the very power to shift how we walk into the rest of our day. So let's begin with our affirmation. I am not defined by my past or limited by my mistakes. I am growing, learning, and becoming who I was created to be. I have values beyond titles, roles, and expectations. I choose honesty over fear and growth over comfort. I am allowed to change, heal, and evolve. I walk with purpose, clarity, and courage. I am becoming more aligned with my true self every day. And who I am is enough. So as we close today's episode, I want to thank you for taking this time for yourself. If something you heard inspired you, challenged you, or made you pause and reflect, please, please don't keep this to yourself. Share

Closing Affirmations For Growth

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this episode with someone who may need it. Invite them into the conversation. See, this podcast grows when we grow together. I cannot do this without you. See, we grow together through share stories, honest reflections, and real connections. Every listen, every share, every conversation helps create a community. A community rooted in purpose, rooted in love, rooted in hope, rooted in faith, rooted in trust and truth. So until next time, keep reflecting, keep becoming, and remember you matter. This is the Who Am I Podcast, and let's walk this journey together.