Navigating Change When You Didn’t Choose It

In this episode of Restless Excellence, host Tonya Richards explores how to navigate the kind of change we never planned for. From unexpected leadership shifts to personal disruptions that challenge our sense of stability, unchosen change can shake our routines, identity, and confidence.

Tonya reflects on what it means to lead and move forward when the ground beneath you shifts. She shares insights on the emotional weight of disruption, the difference between resistance and resilience, and how to find your sense of agency even when you cannot control the outcome.

This conversation is for anyone facing uncertainty in their professional or personal life and looking for a thoughtful perspective on how to keep moving forward; one step at a time.

© 2025 Tonya Richards. All rights reserved.

Restless Excellence™ is a trademark pending.

All original content produced are the intellectual property of Tonya Richards and may not be reproduced or presented as original work without prior written permission.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is Restless Excellence, a podcast for people who care deeply, work hard, and are quietly asking themselves, is this sustainable? I'm Tanya Richards. I created this space because I've lived the tension between achievement and exhaustion. The tension between being capable and being depleted. The tension between success on paper and something feeling off in my body. Restlex excellence isn't about doing more. The truth about work, the truth about leadership, the truth about ambition, and ultimately the cost of carrying too much for too long. These conversations that we'll explore in this podcast, they aren't going to be polished. They'll be reflective and they'll be honest. And they're for people who don't want to lose themselves while building something that matters. Let's get into it. There's a particular kind of change no one really prepares you for. The changes in life that is usually I guess uninvited. That's not about the change that you actually planned, like many of us who are planners. It's not the change that you typically work towards either. These unplanned changes that just sort of show up and end up rearranging your life just out of the blue. Ultimately, it is because a restructuring is happening that you didn't ask for. That may be a leadership shift that you didn't anticipate. It may even be a personal life disruption that forces you to question everything and anything. Now, moments like these do not just mess with your routines, they actually shake your identity, they shake your trust and even, I have to admit, your confidence. Now, this conversation is really about disruption, uncertainty, and how to find your footing when the ground unexpectedly just shifts beneath you. This conversation today is for anyone who's navigating a professional or personal change that they themselves didn't choose, but they are still required to show up, to lead, and to just keep moving. But the truth is, when change occurs, especially if you didn't choose it, it really feels different. It can feel a bit abrupt and even unfair. Sometimes it can have you feeling a bit disorienting. These types of unchosen changes, they often come with very quiet loss. I can share from personal experience that I have had to experience this a few times both in my professional life and in my personal life. Story time. I must say, from a personal standpoint, there were relationships in my life that shifted in a way that I didn't fully choose, whether it be a family member, friends, or maybe someone that was just an acquaintance. Now, in those instances and those experiences that I had, we, the person involved, we both actually contributed to the ending, but it felt like something that was happening to me. As much as it was something that I decided consciously, there was this sense of discomfort because I felt like I was losing that familiarity. There was also the grief of what I thought it would be, and ultimately turned out that it was not, and just needing to accept that. For me, I had to do what I call an internal audit, asking myself questions like, where did I show up? Or where did I not show up? Right? How did I contribute to this demise of this particular relationship or change? Ultimately, I had to just gain some humility in realizing that growth doesn't always preserve connections. Now, on the other hand, from a professional standpoint, I have had a lot of moments in my career when from an organizational standpoint, there were shifts that were happening around me. And some of these shifts, they completely altered my role, the role that I had at that particular organization overnight. Decisions were made at a level that was above me, and whether I agreed with them or not, I had to really operate within them. Most times my role didn't disappear, but it changed. Most times my influence didn't vanish. The work and expectations, they changed, and no one even asked how it landed for me. Did they even care? Probably some did. Ultimately, though, it I just had to handle it. Typically, how did I handle it? I would show up, I smiled through it, I adapted to whatever was happening, and told myself, this is just part of leadership. But the real truth is, deep inside, I was really grieving the version of my work and myself that I knew will no longer exist. During those moments, though, throughout my career, the emotional response that I had was one of frustration, was one of disappointment, and maybe even one that had to do with the ego that I had at that time. I was tempted, being who I am, to prove myself harder, maybe even withdraw, or maybe even resist this change that was happening. I had to fight those urges, though, and do the deep work on myself, for myself. And that was to really separate my identity from whatever the title was or whatever this new structure was or is. The plans that we had dissolved, and the future feels a bit blurry because the certainty that existed, all of a sudden, it just disappears. Now, as a leader, we're used to creating structure, but when that uncertainty hits, it can really feel a bit like feeling like a failure. And I have to say, hindsight is 2020. What I had to realize is that it's not, it's not failure. Now, my experiences have taught me that uncertainty isn't something to solve, it's actually something that we as individuals need to move through. Resisting it or pretending that it doesn't exist only makes things worse because whatever the weight is that you're carrying, it ultimately just gets heavier. Now, speaking of resistance, here's a distinction that changed everything for me. I learned that resistance is really about asking, why is this happening to me? And resilience, on the other hand, is about asking, what's being asked of me now? Resilience doesn't mean liking the change, nor does it mean rushing to accept whatever this change is. It actually means staying flexible enough to respond without becoming too rigid or being bitter. And I know, I know, I know, I know this is easier said than done because I've been there before. However, though, I've seen many leaders, they actually get stuck fighting a version of the past that isn't coming back. And it's really something that you have to accept. I've seen leaders grieve, adjust, and eventually reimagine what's possible. You should be the latter. I had to learn to be the latter. That means the person who ultimately reimagines the possibilities that may exist in the change. Even when you don't choose the change, you still get to choose how you engage with it. Realizing that the agency that exists in the middle of all these transitions, it doesn't always mean control. Sometimes it means deciding where you want to or need to invest your energy. Like what boundaries do you need to reinforce? We've talked about boundaries before. And ultimately, what values you should refuse to compromise? Yes, we've also talked about values. Though I didn't control the timelines, I still controlled my integrity in the process. And that's key, and that's significant. Now, disruption has a way of helping you grow and revealing your truth. It shows you what's important and who is aligned with your being. This means there are items that fit, and unfortunately, items that no longer suit you. They no longer fit. From personal experiences, I can tell you that some of the strongest versions of myself emerged from disruption that occurred in my life and not from stability, and it was not easy to navigate. So I'm not going to lie about that. It was something that I didn't ask for. It felt forced upon me, but it ultimately brought me tons of clarity, just navigating that process as a whole. I must say that the growth that I gained, it was quiet, it was deep, but it was brutally honest. Change you didn't choose, it can really feel destabilizing. I know that. Not overlooking that. But it doesn't have to be life-defining, especially in a negative way, right? Ultimately, you are allowed to grieve whatever shifted and really feel unsure, all the while knowing you are still capable of leading yourself forward and navigating this change successfully. Now, as we continue to move through this season of restless excellence, I implore you to remember, you don't need to have all the answers. Especially having all the answers to keep going. You really just need enough clarity to understand and take the next right step, whatever that may be. So as we close this particular episode, here are the questions I leave you with to ponder on until our next episode. Until next time, this is Restless Excellence.