Best R&B Group EVER?! Dreams, Strip Club Confessions & Things Men Won't Say

Episode 6 is HERE and we went ALL the way in. Black & Victorious bring you a raw, unfiltered conversation that hits every corner — from debating the BEST male R&B group ever (Dru Hill vs Jodeci vs Tony Toni Toné), to real talk about strip clubs, chasing your dreams through fear, the Red Car Theory, what men need to know about perimenopause, and a hilarious argument card game that almost ended a friendship.

Topics covered:

• Glasses as statement pieces & personal style

• Which decade would you relive: 70s, 80s, or 90s?

• Strip club confessions & being raised by women

• Best male R&B group debate: Dru Hill vs Jodeci vs Boys II Men vs Tony Toni Toné

• Dreams, vision, manifesting & the Red Car Theory

• Overcoming fear to chase your dreams

• Side quests: health goals, Africa trip, national parks & RV trips

• The drinking scale meme & addiction conversation

• Black culture identity & how we talk about ourselves

• Perimenopause education for men

• Men's mental health, vulnerability & creating safe spaces

• Argument card game: Does changing your mind about kids justify divorce?

• Book recommendations: "145th Street" by Walter Dean Myers & "Raising Black Boys" by Jawanza Kunjufu

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Hosts:
Alfred Duncan: https://instagram.com/MrAlfredDuncan

Victorious Hall: https://instagram.com/BroVictorious

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:04

Back in Victorious, Black and Victorious.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome to Black and Victorious Podcast. I am black. And I'm victorious. And I'm also victorious. I'm also black. So what's your dog? You got on the black, you know what I'm saying? We out here with all I don't even know how this happened, dog. Yeah, this wasn't no, um, you know, this wasn't something that we planned either, yeah. So it's the third day, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was. I just want to say it was weird.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

That was weird, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Huh? What?

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Cuz recognize, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Yeah, when when people all right, because I don't know if he watched the podcast or not, so I I let it be.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I let it be. Nah, I don't know if I'll do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Yeah, I don't know. We try to dress it like a little bit, you know. But you chilling out. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Just you know, go rob rob somebody's type of outfit.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

With those glasses, they're gonna point you out. You're absolutely going to figure out who you are. Yeah, you're right. He was the guy with the uh Roger Rabbit. The Roger. That's the adult rabbit.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

You're right. You're right. My glasses, though, yeah. My glasses are tight, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Yeah, yeah. I think that you know you you ja you your glasses are like a little statement piece. Is that what you be trying to do? Uh I don't really look at it as that. They are.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

I mean, they probably are, but I don't probably they are. Yeah, okay. But I don't, I don't, I don't say, yeah, this is the statement piece. Like, you know, I yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

So I just can't imagine in my mind that you put those glasses on, look yourself in the mirror, and say this isn't a statement.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

All right, let's define this. Okay. What what does that mean that this is a statement? Like putting on an art. Like, what statement are you making? You're saying that I what is yeah, what are my glasses saying? What what statement is it making? They're saying that um I don't know why I opened up this kind of words, but what are they saying?

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Your glasses are saying that um I'm gonna be they saying that I take risk. Okay. They're saying I take risks. They're also saying um that um That's it. Okay. That's it. That's all they say. Are your glasses the statement piece? I don't think so. These jones are the standards. These are the standard issue. Uh what do you call it? Uh I don't think they're standard issue.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

I think they they they're like, yeah, I think they're like um, you know, I read. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Oh, that's I'm glad we're saying that.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Because these say I read. What do those say? These say um D say I'm I'm creative.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Yeah, they say I'm creative.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Yeah, I'm an artist.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

I that's exactly what they said. Okay. That I'm an artist who takes risks, and sometimes I do well and sometimes I don't.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

We don't have to elaborate on it. I didn't say, like, you know, I didn't say you're your glasses say I'm a reader of porn magazines. Why do we why do why do we have to elaborate on it?

SPEAKER_02 3:41

I needed to open your up, yeah. Hey y'all, porn magazines is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Magazines?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Porn magazines. Yeah. Y'all used to used to look at porn porn mag uh porn magazines. Young black, I'm not wasn't born in the 70s.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

What does that mean? That means that you probably view porn, because you were born in 70s.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

You've never seen a Playboy.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

I've seen a Playboy, but it's not like what you mean. That's a porn magazine. What I'm saying to you is you probably was in with your feet crossed. You know what I'm saying? Born in 75. I don't even think they are ever a thing when they're young. You like older.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

They were a thing when you when when you were young.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

No, they were a thing when you were young.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

They were, but what I'm saying is they were still around when you were young. Okay. So you didn't look at porn magazines. No, I'm sure you did. I've looked at porn magazines before. Sure. I'm sure you did. Everything just popped off when they had video. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:38

Video.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Everything popped off. What is the joints? I even remember the what is what is them joints, man. West Coast Productions. You remember that? There you go. Showing your age again. No, I don't. I don't know. You don't remember? Well, that's cool. People know my I don't care if they know my age. West Coast Productions. They used to have the best porns. Hands down. The best black porns. I don't even remember white porns.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Okay. Yeah. I don't even feel comfortable engaging in this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Well, if it porns.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Yeah, porn. The way you're saying it is weird to me. Why? Like white porns, black, like yeah. What am I supposed to say? I think it got you shifted, dog.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

So you feel uncomfortable talking about like like pornography?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

Yeah. Like, expect like what do what am I having that conversation for?

SPEAKER_00 5:31

For what? I mean, we're not necessarily like diving deep into it. Like, I'm not asking you like who's your favorite part, Artist.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Who wants to with them glasses?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Yeah, I'm trying to tell you, yo. That's what I'm saying with you, dog. It just gets different, dog. It just get real different real quick, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Oh, it's your glasses, yeah. Your glasses are the ones that read it.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

So speaking of that era. Yeah. What was the best era for you? Two questions. What was the best era for you? 70s, 80s, and 90s. And which one would you want to relive? And I'll give you this choice. One you can relive. Just you know, just go back to where you're living it as you are that person at that moment. Another you can go back to and you have all of the information that you have now. All of the knowledge that you have now. Alright, so look.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

The 80s, dawg. You know what I'm saying? The 80s was I can't, I can't, yeah, in the 80s with crack, dog, crack cocaine. Yeah. I can't do the 80s. The 80s was, I was young. You know, in the 80s, you know, that's when I up to 10. And up to like nine or ten. So, but the adults in the 80s was managing some stuff, dog. Crack cocaine was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

But you you remember the adults managing some stuff?

SPEAKER_02 7:12

I mean, yeah. I mean, you you every I think every black person has had, has been, um, has had or been impacted by somebody being addicted to crack. And if like it was that, it was, it was going on that bad in the 80s. So I just like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

But did that affect your childhood? Of course.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Of course it has an impact on their childhood. I know it has an impact on the seeing crackheads.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Yeah, but I'm did did that affect your childhood.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah, I was very When was you born? 81. So I can't really say the 70s. I didn't just say the 80s, the 90s, and the 2000s.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Nah, what I'm saying is, I mean, I know about the 70s. So I could like you, you you never lived in the 70s.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I don't I didn't live there, but I don't know. You're a little young buck. You don't know nothing about the 70s. You're right. I don't know. Yeah, keep it clear. You lived in the 70s. Yeah, I didn't know. You was you was here on the earth mid-70s.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

You were, yeah, you was conscious. I was. And it said you got memories from 70s. I was. You you you wasn't even a nut. Yeah. Nah, you're right. Which is crazy that you just said that. But um, so the 90s though, you go to the 90s, you think about the 90s, the 90s is like that. Rap, hip-hop was crazy in the 90s. Yes. Uh, but you got you got gang violence and and police was beating up people bad.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yeah, I feel like every every every um decade.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

You don't think the 90s is gang violence was even worse though? The 90s? What did 2000 bring? Soldier Boy.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Ah, that's funny. You say he's the pandemic.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Soldier boy, young. Soldier boy made the 2000s. So I I think I'm gonna go And beyond. And beyond. Yep. But the 70s, young, I always wanted to live in the 70s. Let me tell you why though. Wow. So I might have to go with the 70s. Wow. The reason why, young, though it's heron, that's happening. And Vietnam War and all that, yeah, young. I just want to go back for the slang, young. The slang?

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Oh, jab turkey. You jive turkey. You jive turkey. Say, man. Say, man. But they was rolling up, killing people. They would.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Say, man, jive turkey. Yeah, it's my man. Whole time they're gangsters.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

You jive turkey rolling up on you, listening to Curtis Mayfield. You're not doing drive-bys. That's crazy in the long catillacs. Give me some skin, partner. And then they fly. Yeah, yeah. The 70s, I've been lit. The outfits. Yeah, the outfits. I would have hair again. I have a fro. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'll be out here, bell bottoms. Bell bottoms. Like that. Plafonds. Platform shoes. Yes. Black splitations. And if I go if I go with what I know now, like with my information now in the 70s.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

You'll be a pimp. You'll be a pimp. You would be a pimp. I'm gonna be a pimp. You would be a man back in that day, you know what I'm saying? You'll have a rack of joints. Because you'll you'll be a pimp. You'll probably be a pimp.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

I couldn't. No, I couldn't do that. Well, you I don't think I would be a pimp.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Who do you think you would be?

SPEAKER_02 10:30

I might cure pimping.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

I might cure it. You captain Savannah. Come on, brother Save a woman. Come on, sister. Come on, sister. Come be with a real one. Come take a kick in my ride. You don't have to do nothing. I got you covered. You don't have to worry about a thing, girl. That's exactly how I'll be.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Yeah. But yeah, that's the funniest piece. You just made me think about a story.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

What?

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Um you know, I can't.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Anytime you say this, it's funny. Whenever you can't do something, it's hilarious. Go ahead. Go ahead. Keep it going.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

So I I I I have I haven't been to like strip clubs like that. I've been to like maybe one twice. And so, you know, my friends could call me. I can't believe I'm about to say this. But is this the story around like I can't, I can't really relax in them joints. Why? Because I don't because I feel you feel like you want to talk them off.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

You want to?

SPEAKER_00 11:47

You one of them, you would hey, you better than this. Like, come here, let me talk to you. Like, what do you want to do with your life? I'm telling you, like, just sit here. I pay you $20 just to talk to me. I feel you though, young, because I feel you.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

I can't, y'all. It's like, one, it's fake. Like, I can't do fate.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

That's that's my issue.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Is that you can make me feel like you like me, and I know you don't. You know what I'm saying? You just dancing for me. You you you you just giving me attention because I got money. And you know what I'm saying? Like you don't even think I'm handsome. So you only think I'm handsome. You just I just saw the other person that you treat and that bama ain't me.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

He said that bama ain't me. You know what I'm saying? I can't, dog, I don't I think I think the way my self-esteem and my arrogance is set up, my self-esteem is just like, dog, like young, I don't wanna you good, young. Just go ahead, bop shit, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

You feel like every woman in there is just lost.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

No, I don't feel that way. I feel that I am not interested. And I would be more interested if we engaged in in a different way. Like don't engage what are you taking clothes? Can you put your clothes on? Like, what do you know this for? So my friends make this joke. Now I don't know about that. That's what I'm saying. So you think that the women in there are better than their current predicament, and you want them to see themselves in a better but see that's and that's my that's my bias because they can be sisters in there and they just like they love the freedom of expression, and like you know what I'm saying, it's that's how they that's their life, like yeah. So my bias is you know, and then there's might be some who in there trying to get the bread, you know what I'm saying, trying to get to the money, yeah. But dog, yeah, that's not it's not, it's never been my thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

I feel you, dog. I feel you, because I mean, if I can be honest, I feel the same way. I've actually said it before. To who? I've to to a stripper before. What you say? Talk to me. What'd you say, dog? I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know that she was, you know, dancing, you know, and she was talking and asking me all of these questions. But she was talking to me regular, you know what I'm saying? She wasn't talking like she was trying to get money from me. And I was like, um, she played the other game. Yeah, I was like, so you know what you want to do with yourself? You know, what is it that you want to do? Like, you know, she was like, listen, just just just enjoy this. And you was like, yeah, nah, I can't, I can't, I can't help you write this essay, babe.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

I got you.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Yeah, yeah. And then so I also remember I've always been there, and I think because I was raised by by women, and you know, I've also so I've had a a soft spot for women and like seeing them dogged out per se.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

Yeah, so this is let me be honest. I don't know if it's a soft spot for me. Well, I'll say, yeah, I think for me, it's just like I I'm not I'm not turned on by it. Now I will tell you this though. I went to the Usher concert. Uh I didn't went to the action went twice. Okay. And dog. He had like the scene where it's like, did you see it? Did you go to the show? I went. Yeah, you know the scene I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

I don't know. It was it. I feel like it was multiple scenes. I feel was it one person?

SPEAKER_02 15:21

She and and, but just the idea of like the acrobatics of it all. She was on roller skates? Yeah, maybe. Nah, not this one. Well, listen, it was one who was Okay. Yeah. So that was exciting to see.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

And like the show, and I'm also I'm also be very excited about like their athleticism and like what they do. Okay. So that's why I always want to visit one in Atlanta because I heard the ones in Atlanta are like Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

So we're we're we're I get it. Because I've been to a strip club where I am fascinated by her pole work. Okay. Like it's just she she doing the helicopter, somebody is standing on her. Like she's on the pole like this, and a girl is standing on her, like just looking at the crowd, and they are spinning around in the pole. I'm like young. And they naked. And they naked. And that's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Yeah, I I wouldn't mind saying that. Yeah. I wouldn't mind saying that. But you know, that's dope. I can't fake. Like you don't don't try to act like you. That's gonna turn me. That's gonna don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah, I feel like I've been, you know what I'm saying? A part of me be feeling like when I was young, I was always like a gentleman, per se. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? I I I missed out on on some on, you know what I'm saying? Ah I missed out because of being a gentleman. I remember this one, this one girl, she she like Okay, all right. We going here? Yeah, we go ahead. Alright, I just want to make sure I'm gonna be we can tread lightly. I I am this is the past and Murray now. You know what I'm saying? This is just stories.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

I'm not telling none of that.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

So go ahead, yeah. Well, I just remember when this was young, you know what I'm saying? This is like high school, maybe, yeah. She wanted to, you know what I'm saying? She wanted to give me something. Yeah, and I was like, nah, cause I ain't like her. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, nah, because I knew I was gonna end up, you know, and she was a virgin. Yeah, so she wanted me to break her virginity, and I was like, nah, you know what I'm saying? I don't even like you like that or whatever. I ain't tell her that, but I just gave her a reason not to. And then um, you know what I'm saying, a week or two later, like, you know, she smashed somebody, then next thing you know, she, you know, smashing everybody. And I'm like, dang, I was being all generous, and she just really wanted to, you know, she just really wanted me to open the floodgates. I could have been the one that opened the floodgate.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

Yeah, nah, that's tight though, man, to make that decision at you know what I'm saying. At such an early age. Yeah, to have morals and standards, and and and you know, and it could have gone the other way, but you know, yeah, that's tight, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yeah, it was good, it was decent, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. Yep. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

I know where you're going.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

You know where I'm going?

SPEAKER_02 18:18

I know exactly where you're going. Where I'm going. You drew hill is the best RB group ever. You lunching. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

You are lunching. The better, the best RB group ever. So you know I'm I'm about to I'm about to kill your group. Hold on, listen, man. Let me get come on, man. All right, go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Let me hear it. They the best RB group of that era. By far.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

You said best RB group ever. Male. Best male RB group ever. You said Drew Hill is the best group. We were five steps. Keep singing that song because I don't understand it. For me, I yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Four steps, four steps past the other. We had three wishes. We were three wishes. Woo woo woo. Woo.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

They ain't go to two or one. Don't matter, they don't need it. Cisco. So, so, okay, so Drew Hill is better than Boys to Men.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Drew Hill is better than Jodicey.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Here we go. All right. Yes. As when it now listen, let me say this. Jodice has bangers. Jodice has and Boys to Men.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Jodice's album, their first album, Drew Hill, Drew Hill, their album can't touch. Be careful. Their album can't touch Jodice's first album, yeah. You would have to take certain songs from different Drew Hill albums to put it on one album to make Jodicey. And if the Drew can't mess with Jodice's first album, you lunching.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

So hold on. So now you now you're moving with albums. I'm talking about bodies of work. Okay. Full bodies of work. Okay. Hit for hit. We did this. No, we didn't. Drew Hill. Drew Hill is definitely got boys to men. Definitely. Now Jodicey closer. Jodice is closer.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Jodice is extremely Jodice is like that's.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

The thing about Jodice is blasphemous because Jodice came before Drew Hill. And Jodice got, you know what I'm saying? They got some iconic songs. They got some like, and I don't want to take nothing away from them. But like if you put Jodice on and you put Drew Hill on, Drew Hill's gonna bang out for longer.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

So, so versus Jodice would, I mean Drew Hill would be the versus versus Jodicey. Because that's how we can judge it. Because we're talking 2020.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

You don't want to do no versus with them because Cisco's still doing flips. Casey, come on, Casey.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

I mean, yeah, but you know, Cisco's still flipping.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

And the whole Drew Hill can sing. Even the the new members. Because you know, they've been put accepted is it Nokio? I don't know. Yeah, I'm about to say. Yeah, I don't know about Nokia. But they can sing.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Okay. Alright, hold on. Um, so uh Jagged Edge. Oh yeah. They have thrash jagged edge. Thrash jagged edge. Thrash jagged edge. Okay. I'm about to kill you with this.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

I know, yeah, don't say I'm I'm about to kill you with this. Oh, it's only one. There's only one. It's only one with it.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

That'll be a problem for you. Okay. Tony Tony Tone.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Yes. Tony Tony Tone. Yes, they got him. They got him. They got Drew here. Tony Tony Tone. Got Drew here. Got Drew Hill. They got Drew Hill, dog. Like, yeah, Tony Tony Tone is probably the best.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Why do you keep saying Tony Tony Tone? I thought it was Tony Tony Tony. Oh those Tony Tony Tone. No, it was Tony Tony Tony. You sure? Um, yeah, they just spell it different ways. The last joint is spelled T-O. Why you saying Tone is because it's spelled T-O-N-E, but it has an accent over the E. I thought the accent was over the I on Tony. T-O-N-I. Yeah, but then it's also an accent over the E for Tony, I think. I mean, for yeah, for the other one with the E on it. It's Tony Tony Tony. I don't care what kind of I know it's Tony Tony Tony. I've been listening to him all this time and you've been calling him Tony Tony Tony.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Yeah, yeah. Well, I thought that's wild. But I'll say this though. Tony Tony Tony Tony Tony is definitely the best. They the best. Yeah, I I they pound for pound, song for song, your nam bamas, musicianship, and Rafael Sadiq and all of them was writing them jokes. Like they, yeah, they yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

I I remember we went on vacation to Hawaii.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

And I had to school you.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Yes. Because I wasn't a believer. You wasn't. And you was like, yeah, just put Tony Tony Tony on Shuffle. The best of Tony Tony Tony. Crazy. It blew my mind. Crazy. I can't even fade. They got so many hits, yeah. They do, yeah. I don't think that they get the recognition they deserve.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

They definitely don't. Yeah, because Rafael Sadiq does not get him and you know, the just even on his solo work, but like Raphael Sadiq is one of the best musicians to ever live, yeah. He is absolutely amazing. I don't think he gets the credit. And Tony Tony Tony as a group don't get the credit they deserve. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

I would I would agree. I would agree. You you definitely made me a believer, yeah. That's why I was surprised when you said Drew Hill.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

That's yeah, because you mean you gotta respect the home team. I just think that, you know, Drew Hill don't necessarily, I don't think Drew Hill gets the recognition or the or the respect that they deserve. That's why I always scream, I'm always screaming Drew Hill's name. Because I think that they, you know, that you put all these people in front of them, yeah, but they got hits, dog.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

I would agree. I would agree. Yeah, I would agree. And you think it's because of where we are? Like because they from here? Like oh yeah. Well, I don't know if that if it means it's the same amount of. Everybody doesn't. Like the whole world doesn't necessarily put them, you know, in this space. Like, I think Boys the Men is definitely on a bigger level than them as far as notoriety goes. Like if we put them in far as notoriety, I think Jodice is even higher than them. Yeah, for sure. Notoriety, I definitely think. And that's when I and and I want to say jagged edge, but I think they neck and neck with jagged edge.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Nah, they s and they thrash and jagged edge.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Thrash and jacket is music-wise, but they're not thrashing jacket is notoriety-wise.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Oh, yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:58

Yeah, probably, but you know, true hill forever.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

I got you. Yeah, yeah. Young, do you do you um do you dream? Like sleep? Sleep that way.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

Yeah, I dream uh boy. I dream, but I forget them drums instantly. And like in the sleep dreams.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Have you ever d you you have you ever remembered a dream? Like, you know what I'm saying, like in detail?

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Uh I just nah. My dreams be weird, dog. Nah, so I don't really But how you know they weird though, if you don't remember them. I went, oh, that was weird. And then I it's like, you know what I'm saying? Then it's over. But yeah, I'll wake myself up too. If I'm lunching, I'm like, oh Vic, oh, you lunching, wake up.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yeah, you know what blow me, uh? Young, why in dreams? Whenever I fight, I can never throw a punch fast, y'all. What? Yes, y'all. My my punches are always slow or they weak.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Who you fighting in your dreams?

SPEAKER_00 26:14

I don't know, young, but I can never hit somebody extremely hard in my dreams. I don't know why. It's always slow and it frustrates me. And I get up and just throw punches just to make sure just to make sure I got the boys in the hood.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

Yeah, yeah. Was that boys in the hood when he was throwing the punches in the house? Or was that menace?

SPEAKER_00 26:35

No, that was that was boys in the hood. He was like, Yeah, his father. Yeah, he came home.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah, yeah, that's how you be when you were there.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Yeah, pajamas. Yeah, so I yeah, that that's wild. And then dreams. Do you have a dream like when you're woke?

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Dog, all the time. Like I can see. I can I can see my I can I can see the end. Like I can see a goal. How do I explain this? I can see myself in the future.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Like hours from now, weeks from now, months from now, years from now. Years.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

So this is weird. This is about to be real weird. Yeah, this is about to be super weird. I've already always known that it'd be this. This is weird. When I was in college, I changed my major. I was a business major. I changed my major in history because I wanted to be a history teacher.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

When I was in college, I saw myself as a teacher. I saw myself in the classroom. When I was in college, I saw myself as a, you know what I mean? And my first year teaching, I stood in front of my class and I was like, oh, like young, I'm here. Like I said it to myself. Like, oh, I said it to the class. I was like, young, I just I dreamed of this. Your first day? It wasn't my first day, but I remembered it. And I was like, I remember the dream, and that that that has happened to me a couple times. Yeah, so I be dreaming, young, and then I'll see it. Like I dreamed of this.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Like this right here. I seen it. Us?

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Yeah. Us right here. Yes, I seen it, and I was like, oh, like, you know what I'm saying? I seen the drone, and now, yeah, it's here. Yeah, I seen it. Did you see like what at what level did you see? Like, like the depth or like the detail?

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Like, did you do the success of it?

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Well, no, no, no. Just the I this just the interaction. Yeah, yeah. Just the interaction. I can see, I see stuff.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

I so I be daydreaming the scenarios. Like let's say that um I cannot explain it. Like an interview with like a celebrity or something, or somebody interviewing us. Like I can have a dream or a daydream about oh yeah, this somebody gonna interview us and they're gonna ask this question. Like that's how detailed it be. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And what would my answer be?

SPEAKER_02 29:14

How do you feel about that? Do you feel like do you feel like most people dream like that or have those visions or ideas?

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I I think that most people dream, you know what I'm saying? I think that most people definitely dream. Um I I honestly think that it's a a mind thing. I think it's a way that the mind enjoys itself per se. And you can act on them or or not, or just enjoy the thought, you know? But I definitely think that everyone dreams. I think everyone dreams. I think everyone has ideas, and then some of them just push them off, like, yo, that was stupid. And some of them just like, oh, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, let's go. You know?

SPEAKER_02 30:03

Um I can't even front, yo. I can't even front. Like the dream, like I had uh, you know, with with Spizzy when I opened up the smoothie shop. I had uh I was riding my bike, and you know, the the initial idea came for me when I was just ride going going like just ride my bike. And I've had plenty of ideas or dreams that kind of come came up, and I dreamed of that like 10 years before I started to like execute something. And once I dreamed about it and then I did it, and I was able to do it, it opened up something for me. Like, oh snap, like those things that's in my head, I can actually just say I can do it. Like I can do whatever I want. And that was a that was a an awakening for me. Because you know when they say, like when you were a kid, they're like, if you could dream it, you could do it. But it's a real thing. Like when you decide, oh, I'm gonna go after this thing that's playing in my head.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Um I think it's a discipline. Yeah, like I think it's a discipline. I think that once you do it, you know what I'm saying, it gives you the courage and it gives you, you know, it's just a matter of practicing it again in another form of fashion. So the spizzy, you know, and then the uh uh never stop learning, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like all of these different things that you know, the the the cycling, you know, all of that is just a matter of you seeing something in your mind and it's coming true. And then you know what's crazy is that something that I really think is true that I never really thought about until I started hearing people say it, but like, yo, like, have you ever heard of the red car theory?

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Oh, when you see a red car, you say red car or something like that?

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Like, like, yeah, like if I asked you how many red cars you saw on the way here, you'd be like, I don't know. But if I told you, you know, the next time I want you to tell me how you'll you'll look, you know, and so your mind works that way. So when you thought of Spizzy or when you thought of these different things, your mind was collecting data from different places, and you were actually attracting that because you were looking for things to lead you to it. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, because now you have your eye on it, and now, like when you get a brand new car, the car that you dreamed of having, once you get it, you felt like nobody had it, and then as soon as you get it, everybody got it. Yeah, everybody, damn, but those the same amount of cars was on the road before you had it. Yeah, it's just that now you're noticing it. So it's kind of like the same with dreams. Like when you have something in your head, the world is going to show you all of these things, and your mind is going to start collecting data that helps to, you know, push that dream forward.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Yeah, I think that's you know, I as an adult, that is something that I am trying to make sure that I do more of. Dream? Yeah, continue to dream.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Because I think as a kid, you know, children have this level of um imagination and like when you see them play, like they'll grab something, they'll build whatever's going on in their head. And I think as adults, sometimes we we sit down and we think that this all life is, and we're just done with it. And I just feel like, you know, I wanna I wanna I wanna die dreaming. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I want to keep like trying to figure something out because I think that it it to some degree it it is a practice and it's scary, right? Oh wow, that's that's interesting. Like the idea of living in a dream and how weird it feels sometimes when you're dreaming and like when you actually sleep dreaming, and how weird it can feel and trying to figure things out. I think that those same things, those same emotions come up when you are dreaming or trying to live a dream out loud. So it's the same feeling of weirdness and all these other things, but it's uh you know, I th I I think that it is is a very interesting place to be in as an adult because when you also dream, you have all these real life responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

That that kind of stops you from dreaming. Yeah, like it's like the world is is is created, or you know, these things are not the world, but the things within America, or you know, are created to stop you from dreaming and from to to to stop you from you know, like they want you to just be this cookie cutter to make the machine to continue to keep going. They want you to be these nuts and bolts, and you like, nah, I want to build my own machine, but like it's hard to do that.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

It is, and then when you talk about is a muscle and it's discipline and all that, yeah, it is definitely difficult, like thinking about because you're you're literally making it up out of your brain, yeah. And so I also think I've always been a believer of um that we all plugged into the same outlet, and so this idea of like a soul, and so I think that that conversation that that that is that I'm having with myself is really a conversation with God. It's this idea of like, because we ain't nothing but of this ain't nothing but a vessel. So whatever these downloads I'm getting or these conversations that anybody is getting, it's like how do you find out what's real and what's not, you know what I mean? By just examining and bringing it to the real life.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

So I think for kids, the sooner you show them that they can achieve something that they set their mind to, the easier it'll like the the easier it'll be for them to dream. Because I can tell you like when it started for me. I remember I was, I don't know, I was probably like eight, seven years old, and I could sing, you know. And you can? Uh I could. You could? I still, I mean, I still got a little, you know, but I'm not like singing was my thing. I was singing before rapping, I was singing. I like I sung at my high school graduation. Well, you I used to sing.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

What did you sing?

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Ribbon in the sky.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Like the Stevie Wonder joint?

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Yes. I got most talented, you know what I'm saying, at my high school. The superlatives.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Like uh it's a ribbon in the sky for love.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Yeah, but the the intro joint. You what? The intro it wasn't, it wasn't so intro is the name of the the group that used to sing the song Rhythm in the Sky. They remade it. So what how's it different? It's it's just the same way that anybody remakes another song. It's different. Like Mary J. Blige.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

How does it go that?

SPEAKER_00 36:32

No, you're not gonna like get me to sing. That's not what's gonna but when I was young, I was seven, around seven, um, I we created a singing group uh in um my neighborhood, right? Yeah, we created a singing group. I was singing lead, you know. We was practicing, we was practicing in my house. My my man Owen Smith. Um Mirando May. Owen Smith is like he he's the big comedian now. He be writing like oh the last OG. He's he's the writer of that joint with Tracy Morgan. Okay, like, you know, so he's been dreaming his whole life. But we was in this grab group, I mean the singing group. It was me, him, uh, I think a dude named Preston, whatever. It was five of us. And we had my sister was the choreographer, so she taught us dances. I got that wrong.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Hey, that joke just that joke just plenty.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Okay. What's she what she taught us dances. Okay. And that uh choreographer, that's it. So so we went around and we would sing happy birthday to people. I still remember the song to this day.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

And you ain't gonna sing it.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

I sing it. Good. Happy birthday to you. Did I was lead today is your birthday. We made it just for you. We really hope you're proud. Did everybody come in? Because we are too. I just wanna say happy birthday, happy birthday from to you. It's not just for me, but all my crew. Ooh, happy birthday. Yeah, and y'all next time. We go around the neighborhood in Pembroke, in Pembroke and sing happy birthday. Not just to the kids, but we would sing it to their mothers, their sisters. Yeah. And that and and and that right there kind of started my dreaming because it was just an idea. And we all got in my house and we all like went hard. My sister taught us the dance moves, and we was just bold enough to go and do it.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Hey yo, and that's a tight story, young.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah, yo. So that was the first, that was like seven years old, and then that I knew that I could make something happen. You wrote the happy birthday song? Yeah. And I knew that from that point on, it was like, oh.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

Hey yeah, that's tight, yo. Yeah. I'm ja impressed. Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's that's super tight.

SPEAKER_00 39:07

But then also, like Owen, you know what I'm saying? Owen huge now.

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Yeah, yeah. You know, he so that but that's tight to be able to, you know what I'm saying, that you have people around you, even your big sister, people around you who supported that. Because I think a lot of times like kids be dreaming, um, and we try to just like keep bringing them down to reality around the idea of what we think reality should be for them. Yeah, um, because we're afraid of what you know, what what what is a dream if it's not the cookie cutter. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? What could it, what could it be like? So I'm sized, I got folks around me and people around me who can support that, you know what I'm saying, and support the dream. That's tight as a mug. I never knew that.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

But that's what I said. I've always said to you, young, you seem like you've always been that. Like, and I think even your conversations with you gave me the impetus and the energy to be able to believe in myself enough to push on that other side because you've always said, like, nah, no, you just go ahead, just do it. And also watching you, because I ain't even gonna hold you. There's a lot of fear attached to that. You know what I'm saying? That's a lot of fear in like living out your dream and doing something completely different from what you've done before. You know what I'm saying? However, you know, was was Hold on, you ain't gonna wipe away that comp that no.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

What I'm gonna say is there's no fear when you're doing it. There's fear when you think about it. It's no fear when you're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Oh, that's when you're being brave.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Yeah, when you're putting in the work and you're just doing it, it's really not a fear. But when you think about if it's gonna work, that's when the fear comes in.

SPEAKER_02 40:39

Well, they say you can only be brave if you have fear. True. So it's like when you're doing it, is when you're being brave, and when you're not doing it, you're living in fear. Yeah. When it's something, you know, and I've been, but that's what they say, like do it scared, but that's when you're being brave, because you you you are gonna be nervous, you are gonna be afraid. That's part of it. That's part of the whole part of the whole thing. And I think a lot of times it's it's difficult to push through fear. And I told you it took me 10 years, like to even consider it to be a thing, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 41:11

But I think the main thing is just doing it, you know what I'm saying? I think that that's the like and and I don't and and I don't want to sound like it's super easy because a lot of people always come to me, a lot of my friends, uh uh people that have watched me over the years, and they've always said, Dog, I'm just like you just be going after this, you be going after that, you recreated yourselves, like all of this stuff. And for me, I I I'm just doing it.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

But that's interesting though. That's another question I wanted to ask you around like you know what I'm saying, like, do you got any like side quest adventures that you have to right now? You side quest?

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Side quest. When you say side quest, what do you what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Like, do you mean like a you know how you on you playing Mario Young and you go into the little doot doot do and then and then you uh you know what I'm saying? And then you plan in that little drunk get all the coins. That's a side quest, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Um I wanna I wanna be the healthiest that I've ever been. Okay. I want I want uh like a body that I can take my shirt off and be super comfortable with. You know what I'm saying? I don't like your your breath on that.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Because I'm upset about your clothes, it just keeps reminding me of like what you choose. You said to me that you want to wear a fishnet tank top, yeah. And I am embarrassed just to even thought of being with someone who has on one of them joints. And I and the thing is, because you have dreamed up those glasses, it tells me that you would do the fishnet, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

I'm just saying I'm not counting it out. That's all I'm saying. I mean, I don't know, you know, you I saw this clip where they the dude said they told me not to do too much when I lose this weight. Yeah. And he said, you think I'ma lose this weight and not do the most? I am doing the most, and that's that that might be how I feel, but we'll see. Um, yeah, I want I did that's one of the main things I want to do. I want to cook. I wanna I wanna really be a good cook. I want to learn how to like really throw down. I want to learn how to barbecue really good too. Like smoke meats? What? Like they be smoking meat. Yeah, but I'm just saying why we just can't say barbecue. Why do you have to say smoke meats?

SPEAKER_02 43:34

Because that's what Bahamas, I'll be feeling like barbecue Bahamas being there, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm being barbecue.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

You can call it what you want to call it, but I'm just going by barbecue. Whether you're just using a smoker or whatever, it's just gonna be I'm gonna be barbecuing. Okay. All right. Um uh what else? I'm gonna side quest, I'm gonna go to Africa. I don't know if that's a side quest like that, you know. Which country? I have no clue. I just want to get there. Alright. Ghana, I guess. You know? Yeah. I'm just going to the regular joints. Egypt. Egypt's cool. See, I this is the well traveled. You see how he said hey, I mean, I think that's it. That's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

Egypt. Egypt's cool. I I I enjoy Egypt. Egypt. Oh, I I enjoy Ghana. I did, but Egypt was like What's the best one in Africa?

SPEAKER_00 44:27

The best one.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Country?

SPEAKER_00 44:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

I've only been to two.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

Egypt and and Egypt and Ghana.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

The two that you named somehow out of out of nowhere. But yeah, uh, I've only been to two.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Sierra Leone.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

West Africa, yeah. Shout out to my man Muhammad.

SPEAKER_00 44:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:43

Yeah. Like, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

What about you? You don't have no side quests?

SPEAKER_02 44:48

Man, I got a lot. It's funny.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

I want this podcast to, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 44:53

Yeah, this is definitely a side quest. Burger bar.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

The burger bar wanted the burger bar to be traveled. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 45:00

I just want you to notice. How you just asked me something. And then I you you have to do it. You was about to take some of mine, and I didn't want you. I didn't want you to take any of mine. This is and I I gotta stop pointing this out, yeah. So part of me is just like, you know what? I am I am gonna be your assist for you to just have a conversation with yourself. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's what you want to be. Yeah, because yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I'll just go ahead with your side quest, man.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

I done forgot now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

No, what's your side quest? I know you got side quests.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

My side quests, uh I I want to start I want to travel the world.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

What does that mean? Because you're well traveled.

SPEAKER_02 45:35

And I want to live, I want to live in other countries for you know certain amounts of time. What would how much time? Like, I want to be in another country living there for like maybe a month or two at a time.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

And then go to another country, live there for a month or two at a time, and just like go to different places. Okay. Because America sometimes uh, you know, it's just this place is just one big mall. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

So like I want to just swear that's all America is.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

And so I will I'll be wanting to go, and I also want to visit all of the national parks. I want to visit all the national parks in America. Definitely want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

I feel like I gotta go to another, like a park, like something that blows my mind to want to go to other national parks. Because parks don't really do that. Let me do that. Ah dog. When when when when you say park, I think about playing basketball. That's what I think I think about I think about seesaws and swings, and yeah, that's what I think about. Young. Joshua Tree. Young. I've never is that where's that at? Cali out west? Yeah. Dull. The Redwoods? Young. Yeah. So I've rolled, I've rolled through it. Um when I was on tour with Soja. So I was looking out the window. Them trees is huge. Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

That's a whole nother national, Utah?

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Young. It's a whole nother ball game over there, dog. Like, they got something out there out west. We gotta, yeah, young. The national parks are amazing. And so I sent my wife a little drink the other day. Like, we're gonna go, we're gonna do all the like the uh rock of the parks out west in like two weeks. We just gonna drive. We're gonna fly into Vegas and then drive to all of the parks and just kind of see him and stay out there.

SPEAKER_00 47:26

So that's something I'm I mean, you know, because I talked to the wife about it before. I I wanna I wanna do an RV trip.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

So that's funny you say that. Me and Elo, me and my man Los have been thinking about planning an RV trip for a real long time. We was like, we gonna do it. The Bama sent me a video. Elo sent me a video of how much it costs to fill up an RV. 2,000. The juice ain't worth the squeeze. What do you mean? I'm good on that. I'm good. How much it costs to fill up an RV? Oh young a stack. One of them jump bus joints? Where you going? What you mean where I'm going? I mean, how long? The jumps get four miles to the gallon. Damn. Nah, I'm good. I'm straight. I'm gonna drive, just run a little, run a little jump, stay in the hotel. Because a thousand dollars, that's ten nights at a hotel. If you get a little hundred dollar jump.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

Yeah, but I mean, that ain't, you know what I'm saying, pulling up into a park and actually sleeping in the park.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

And you know, they got little spots that you can buy in the park and you can sleep in. And I can see, yeah, I'm good, dog. Or I can get a little van. I ain't getting no RV. That's a wrap. That's over. I'm done with it. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

Like, that's what I'm saying. If you got the money to do it, why not do it? Like, why does I don't understand the juice ain't worth the squeeze if you got the bread. If you got the bread, it should like the experience should outweigh the the what's your name?

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Yeah, I'm gonna be bothered by my experience by paying a stack to fill up my joint. Well, four miles to the gallon? So I'm driving to a whole nother junk.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

You got the bread, the experience is nothing. I mean, the experience is well.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

Let me know how it is when you go. I'm not going, yeah. So let me know how it is, yeah, when you go, yeah. So what's this?

SPEAKER_00 49:13

Um I sent you the I sent you the meme, yeah. Have already seen it? Yeah. It's the one before the one you sent earlier. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's look at it, dog. You don't got you don't gotta do that to me, though. It's a little unfair.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

It's a little unfair. I got I feel like you think you better when you got them glasses on, so I gotta like Tone down.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

Yeah, dog. Tone down. I don't know what you you know what I'm saying. Get yourself together. Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_06 49:46

If you drink every 10 years, you are a non-drinker. If you drink every five years, you are a very rare drinker. If you drink once a year, you are an occasional drinker. If you drink twice a year, you are a rare drinker. If you drink once a month, you are a moderate drinker. If you drink twice a month, you are an average drinker. If you drink once a week, you are a regular drinker, weekend warrior. If you drink twice a week, you are a dependent drinker, high functioning. If you drink every three days, you are mildly addicted. If you drink every two days, you are an alcoholic. If you drink every day, you are a chronic alcoholic. If you drink in the mornings, you are a day drinker. If you drink every two hours, you have a severe addiction. If you drink twenty-four hours nonstop, this Yeah, I was a dude that drank every day. Yeah, I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

I looked at that and I didn't even I didn't I couldn't. You you can't relate. Well, I didn't even I I didn't know that it was that that was with a classifications, and I don't know if I even believed the dose. You think the dose should be the classifications?

SPEAKER_00 51:06

I don't I don't think so. I think it's a little excessive? I think it's yeah. I think it's a little I think it's fear-mongering.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

Yeah. Same thing I felt a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

Yeah, I don't I don't yeah, I think that that's a little, you know, because if you drink in three days a week. Alcohol, well, although alcohol is considered poison, right? Right? Or unhealthy. Let's just say that. Alcohol is unhealthy. Okay. Right? There are things that you do that are unhealthy and you do it more than three times a week that can probably have a greater impact on your health than alcohol. Like eating fried food. Like uh not moving your body You know what I'm saying, like not drinking water. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 52:18

So how we like I think that that's a conversation about you know, I think that that's an entry conversation to like addiction.

SPEAKER_00 52:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 52:28

Cause I don't think it's necessarily about alcohol. But I think that I you know, I think as you just said that, is this is this conversation, I think, I don't know how often we're we're having it with ourselves about what we need to sustain or survive that's not necessarily been given to us by God. I'm uh I'll be thinking about that a lot. Like, what do I need? Um, or what am I using as a way to like cope or deal with things that are not necessarily given to me by the creator? Am I or or am I like uh like am I addicted to anything?

SPEAKER_00 53:07

I think we all are addicted to something, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

And and I think that that is I think the greater conversation around analyzing um you know what we ingest and whether or not it slows us down from going after our dreams or being there for what kind of whatever we need. And I think about that a lot, dog. I think about like what I choose to ingest, what I choose to put in front of me, what I choose to engage in, and its impact on my progression and my future. And like, and then sometimes it's like should I care? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, because you do gotta enjoy this while you're here. Yeah. So like, what at what point is it too much? And at what point am I like?

SPEAKER_00 53:56

For me, I think it's too much when it, you know, affects your I wanna say so. For me, you know, I I've had drinks before, you know. I've been um I don't want to say an alcoholic, but I've drunk, you know, at parties. If it was available, I would drink, you know. If it was offered to me, I would drink. I wasn't one that went to buy beer or anything like that. I'll have beer with crabs, things like that, but I mean, I wouldn't say no to a drink. But I also could never, I've been drunk one time, like like pissy drunk, like spit up drunk, one time in my life. And I've never done that again because I don't like being out of control, you know. But I was habitual smoker when it came to weed. Um, from my second year in college, my first year in college actually is when I started smoking weed. And that went all the way till I was probably like 30s. But from college to, you know, I went from junior college to regular college, I started smoking other stuff. Not nah nah nah not cracker, never. I'm like, dog. I used to smoke.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

I was like, yo, this podcast has turned black. My man is on that young dude. I know you went to Shenandoah too, so I was like, dog, what the game, my man.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Nah, I used to smoke black in my house.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

Uh yeah, you need to say that. You need to open up with that dog, because that just dog. I hope the camera caught my eye.

SPEAKER_00 55:33

No, but if I'm being real, I smoked both before. I smoked both. You shouldn't have said that. Why? I mean, I'm just we being real. This is a transparent moment. I smoked both before. It was it was a setup. Yeah, I smoked both. That's uh embalming fluid. I know what boat is. Oh, you just said that for the people? Uh, yeah, so then no. Yeah, but I smoked both before. It was it it was I it was a setup. It was a setup where you know somebody was smoking weed, and I came to get into the cipher, and they didn't tell me it was boat. And I smoked it. And I was laying on the ground, like laughing, like dying, laughing, kicking my feet and all of that type of stuff. You remember it? I remember my response to it, yes. What?

SPEAKER_02 56:16

You smoke boat?

SPEAKER_00 56:17

I smoked boat before.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

I feel like that's only what? Yeah, I don't know. You feel like we just about you about to say something. I don't even know what I was about to say. It I am I am literally going through it. Like I'm like, that's like smoking heron or something.

SPEAKER_00 56:31

No, it's not, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_02 56:32

Well, I don't know. Boat, you you only did it once, right?

SPEAKER_00 56:35

I only just only did it once. And then, like I said, it was a setup.

SPEAKER_02 56:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:38

So, you know what I'm saying? From smoking marijuana, I was at Chenandoor, bored, smoking, I would smoke cigarettes, I would smoke black and mouths, you know.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

You only smoking cigarettes because you were born in the 70s.

SPEAKER_00 56:51

Probably so. I mean, maybe my mother used to get Virginia Slims. I remember that.

SPEAKER_02 56:55

Um can we say that smoking cigarettes is like eating pork that's out of style? Can we say that?

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Can we smoking cigarettes is is bad for you.

SPEAKER_02 57:04

It's out of style.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

I'm not, I'm not equating it to eating pork. As I'm saying, you keep trying to get me to do this pork thing and I'm not I'm not buying it. Smoking cigarettes is definitely not good.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

You know it's funny, y'all. I'm talking about that, y'all smoking boat. Smoking boat is wow. But yo, I be thinking like my father used to come home and just like, you know what I'm saying, like wake me up when we was young, you know what I'm saying? When you drink, you be happy. I remember him waking me up a few times when I was young, and he's be like, yo, son, whatever you do, don't drink. And I was like, I just listen. And he told me one day, and I I would tell everybody that's why I'd never drank before. Because I was just my father would just come in and tell me you don't drink. And I thought he was just only talking to me. And I was talking to him the other day, like probably a few months ago, and he told me he was like, Yo, I told everybody that.

SPEAKER_00 57:56

Yeah, I was about to say the other one that you what happened? He only told you.

SPEAKER_02 58:00

Yeah, I thought he was only telling me.

SPEAKER_00 58:02

But truth don't really drink like that, though.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

We call him my bamboo's out like that. Oh, my bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

I mean, that was a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

Yeah, but just you come on.

SPEAKER_00 58:10

I mean, dog, this is social drinking. None of your brothers are alcoholics.

SPEAKER_02 58:14

I'm just saying, like, you you gotta but but at the same time, bam, I don't know my brothers. They don't know my father.

SPEAKER_00 58:21

Yeah, but you just talk about your father drinking, though.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

Yeah, but my father's my my pops. What you mean?

SPEAKER_00 58:25

We're not supposed to be uh we shouldn't be talking about your father drinking either. I'm not saying, yeah, hold on, time out, man.

SPEAKER_02 58:32

That's what I'm saying with you, dog. I can't get out of thought because you keep interjecting. You keep and then my meeting's gonna turn out. My bad.

SPEAKER_01 58:43

Then mama's gonna be like, Alright, go ahead, my bad, my bad.

SPEAKER_02 58:45

Yeah, I don't even know what I was saying no more.

SPEAKER_00 58:47

You were saying that your father woke you up and then he said that he said it that way.

SPEAKER_02 58:51

So I think like I don't know why I didn't choose the, you know what I'm saying? I guess I do. I was just listening, but young, but smoking both, dog.

SPEAKER_00 58:59

Why do you keep going back to that? That was one time. That was one time. That's crazy. And smoking weed, I remember that. I remember the first time I smoked weed, I was with Let me ask you this. Okay. Why did you say yes? To weed. So it looked fun. Alright. I was an athlete, so initially I wouldn't do it, and I would always be like, I'm an athlete. You know what I'm saying? I'm not doing it. Then people around me used to do it all the time. And people used to stop me from even participating because I was an athlete. But then I went to college, and you have the off time. You know, I didn't so when I had the off time and I'm with people that play basketball, they got weed. You did it because you thought it was fun. I did it to experience it. Experience fun. Okay, so listen, yeah, to experience it, yeah, to I guess, you know, to experience what they were experiencing. Okay. Because it appeared to be fun. Now, the first time I smoked was a ball. I was laughing like young. You know, the kind of laugh where your stomach hurt? Yeah, yeah. Like all night long, just laughing. And I think from that moment forward, I was chasing that. Like from that moment forward, I was chasing that kind of fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

Okay, and is it the same reason why you start drinking?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

Drinking was just, you know, I'm black, so it just hold on, hold on, dog. All right, let me be easy. You gonna let me you gonna let me finish? Yeah, you need to be easy. You're gonna let me finish? I'm just saying. I you hey, everybody didn't everybody's father didn't come in their bedroom and say, hey, don't smoke. Some somebody's saying somebody's father said, hey, come taste this. Go ahead, get them, let them get a little twig of it. Some, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:54

I'm just saying, be easy, man. No, I'm just with the black reference.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:58

I think that I'm talking to black people. I'm talking to my people. It's some people that have had uh a childhood of coming up to the table and asking, can they taste or whatever and then that's a black thing? Oh my god. I know we're not gonna do this. No, we're not gonna do this. Let's do it. We are gonna do this. Let's do it. Do I think it's a black thing? Yeah. Do I I know black people that that have spoken about it? I don't know about white people. And that's that I'm talking about I'm talking from an experience standpoint. I don't care about that. I'm talking about from an experience standpoint, from black childhoods that you know, black people that I've spoken to or have heard stories about. It was normed. It's similar.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:43

It was normed in your house? In in my house? That's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

That do you think it was a norm over my grandmother's house?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Okay, it was norm. So that's what you say.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:54

Over my grandmother's house, it was norm. And I know a slew of people where it was norm in their childhood.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:00

Alright, so you say that. So you say that's what I said. No, you said I'm black.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:05

So so so so are you telling me, are you telling me like there aren't certain things that black people do that we can say that it is, you know, it could be uh uh uh an experience by majority or by a good amount of people. It's not necessarily our culture, but a good amount of us have experienced it.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

No, I'm not saying that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Well, that's all I'm saying. So why are you arguing with me?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:34

I'm saying, I'm not arguing with you. I'm just saying be careful because what we Oh my god, anything negative. If it was positive, you wouldn't be telling me to be careful. If it was positive, you wouldn't say it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

What do you mean I wouldn't say it?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:46

Just be careful. Listen to what I'm saying. Hold on, hold on, ho, ho, ho. Hold, hold on. That's what that so, and I think this is gonna explain it. We sometimes have been conditioned to say the things that are negative about us and not necessarily the things that are positive. So ho, ho, ho, ho, hold on. I gotta keep pausing you. So this conversation around, oh, I'm black, that means that I'm I'm you just say I'm black. Hold on, hold on. I'm black too. Are you blacker than me? Yes. I love it. So you blacker than me. I had a completely different experience as a black child, and I know plenty of people who have, but then my son has a different experience, he's a black child. That's cool. So all I'm saying is we are quick oftentimes, and I know this is hard for you because you went down.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:37

It's not hard for me. What is hard for me is that you refuse to acknowledge, yes, you refuse to acknowledge certain things that are uh a part of that may be considered a part of our culture that could be deemed negative, right? Or what you want to do is say, hey, you know, hey, it's not just us, it's but it's them too. But what I'm saying, like, for instance, do you think that black people and like fried chicken? Do you think that you know fried chicken is associated with black people?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:14

Yeah, the samboless of this question is absolutely insane. I'm asking your question.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

More than anybody else? Do you think that fried chicken is is is more associated with black people than anybody else?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

More associated.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:26

Did I young? Don't you don't have to repeat my words like you didn't hear it? Because I'm trying to understand. And I'm speaking very clearly. You don't need to understand it. What you're trying to do is trying to, you know, you answer the question. Do you think do you think that fried chicken is more associated with black people?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:48

Yes, menstrual shows have done that.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:51

Do you think that black people eat more fried chicken or have created fried chicken?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:59

What? That's two different questions.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:00

Okay, do you think black people created fried chicken?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:04

Created it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

Created it. Who do you think is the first? Oh, you don't. So if you don't know, then how can you even argue the point? What if black people did create fried chicken, and that's the reason why it is mostly associated with us? Because we created it.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:19

A young, a young, the the sambaless of this conversation is totally insane.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:24

What you're trying to do is you deflect by by saying these words about you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:31

No, answer the question. I'm young, you're not, I'm not just gonna answer a question around that doesn't necessarily take me to a to a to a solid point. What do you mean? What I'm trying to I'm I'm gonna explain it, but you're gonna cut me off, I'm sure. But what I'm trying to explain to you is that the idea that our brains we somehow, and all I said was watch it because white folk, Latino folk, Asian folk, they do the same thing. That's why a great majority of the world drinks because the tacos is so. I told you you were gonna cut me off.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:02

I told you a tacos associated associated with Latin America. I told you you did a very good job. It's tacos associated with Latin America. Yes. Okay. Do black people have any kind of food that's just associated with them? Yeah, soul food. So food. Is fried chicken a pot of soul food? Yeah, I would consider it. But then if I'm sitting here saying that, then why are you saying, whoa, whoa, hold on for a minute. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:27

With drinking? If I said, I said whole, hold on for a second. With drinking. And the reason why I said this take.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:35

The reason why I said that. It wasn't drinking. It wasn't necessarily drinking. That was the whole. Oh, I can't wait for the playback. I can't wait for the playback. That's the whole reason I got this conversation. It was the young man at the table. Well, I've heard stories, many stories, of black people saying that they were at the table where their parents were playing cards and things of that nature, and their family members allowed them to have a swig of alcohol.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:01

And what I'm only trying to say to you is that is not, that is true, but it is not, you cannot place this characterization, just like you can't place this characterization of black people loving fried chicken. Because white folk love it too. And what you do is, and I know it's hard for you. I get it. I know it might be difficult for you to understand. I understand I understand that whole context, but but there's not, for example, how often have you heard somebody say, Oh, I'm black. Of course I get a 4.5. Have do you hear that often? Oh, I'm black. Of course I am uh, you know what I'm saying? I I'm the best ever in anything academic-wise. You don't. The reason why is that the focus oftentimes is on the on uh on the things that we struggle with and we associate that with black with blackness and black people. And that wasn't created by you. That's just something you perpetuate, and that's why I said slow down. Yeah, but it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

Only thing I'm saying is I know what you're saying. I don't think you do.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:06

Yes, I do. Did you hear what I just said?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:08

I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:09

What do you feel about what I just said?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:10

Well I feel about what you said is the thing that I feel about everything that you always say is that you are to say, yes, this is what you always do. I love black people. Always want to exactly. I do too. I do too in all its many facets, whether it's positive or negative, it doesn't matter. I love it. You know what I'm saying? Regardless, I'm not going to just say that I'm only going to focus on this over here. Oh, yeah. I'm going to accept it all. I'm going to accept it all.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:39

I got a beautiful story for you. And I think this might be this might be helpful. Okay. So I was at McD uh, we was at a birthday party at like a McDonald's or I don't even know what restaurant it was. It might have been Burger King. My son was like four years old, maybe four or five. Yeah. And uh he and I tell a story sometimes when I'm doing presentations, and he um just finished his drink. He just finished his uh, you know what I'm saying, his little drink that he had. And he looked over at me and at Tensorin, and he was like, um, and remember, he's small.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:10

Four.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:11

Yeah, and I said, he said, um, Dad, I want, I want some more to drink. And I was like, ah, yeah, no problem, man. I'm gonna get up, I'll go get you some more. He looked at me, he said, nah, I'm black, I'ma just go take it. Four. Slow down. Now, I don't know why that bothered you, but what I'm trying to express to you is that there is a play on our minds. There is a play on our perception of ourselves. And all I'm saying is we have to be careful about how we ultimately go to business and what we dictate about ourselves and what we choose in the story we tell about ourselves. I'm not saying that that is that that's not a true thing around um in our cult in our culture that people um tell young people, oh, take a swig of this. But what all I'm trying to get you to understand is that that's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:04

But I I feel like it's more people that say, hey, take a swig of this than somebody saying, hey, go take soda.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:11

Would you say in every culture?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:13

I don't know about other cultures.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:15

And I'm telling you that that is the and that's what I'm trying to get you to understand.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

You said you don't know about other cultures either. So right now I'm talking about our culture. So why why if you're talking about our culture, why are you trying to get me to look at others? I'm sitting here just talking about our culture.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:31

I'm trying to get you to understand and see what we oftentimes display on ourselves. But we can move on though, because you, you know what I mean. I I hope that you seem frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:42

I'm not frustrated. You're rubbing your head. Yeah, I'm always rubbing my head. Yeah, you're rubbing your head. Every time I talk to you, it's all good. Wow. You could be like, I feel like you you, you know what I'm saying? You going through the next thing that we're talking about. You know what I'm saying? Which is male peramenopause.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:58

Male. You the one stressed out. Hey, but now that's a real thing, dawg. That's a real thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:06

What perimenopause? Yeah, dawg. So what I know what menopause is. What is paramenopause?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:14

Yeah, when sisters get a little bit older, they get a little bit, you know what I'm saying, when they reach a particular age before they go into full menopause, they have perimenopause, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:24

So they got a stage before the stage.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:26

Oh, yeah, young sisters, young, they be managing, dog. Like they be managing, yeah. They, you know, they get brain fog, you know what I'm saying? They get like a little bit lag loopy, like energy can be off. Uh, like, you know what I'm saying? You can not even want to be around certain people, don't want to have certain conversations. It's like, it's a lot, dog. Like, they their hormones be everywhere. Shout out to all the sisters who are going through paramenopause right now, dog. Cause it's it's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:55

So, what's the what's the difference between paramenopause and menopause?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Uh I think menopause is full, but like, hold on. Like, let me try. Don't be asking me like I'm an expert or nothing like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:07

I mean, you know, you're an expert in every in almost everything. See how you're a Bama? See how you're a Bama because you're mad, because you love you, but you're mad. Don't be mad, you don't be mad. Exvit should be, you know what I'm saying? So, what's the difference between paramenopause and no, you had to Google it? What do you think the difference is?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:25

I know menopause is the full stage. I think you, you know what I'm saying, they lose, you know what I'm saying, certain the ability to be able to reproduce.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:33

So do you do do do they lose the ability to reproduce in perimenopause or is this like the beginning stages?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:39

It's the beginning stages of that. And so it's is I ain't even know I never know about it until I didn't either until I you know I'm living with, you know, and so you gotta be able to manage all those sides, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:52

I think that um I think that we need to be educated more on these things.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:03

That's why I brought it up.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:05

Because I don't I'm talking about men in general. Yeah because we have no idea how to deal with it. None. None, none.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:16

And I think men young, I think that a lot of times we are say it.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:24

Say it. Go ahead, say it. You don't care any other time. Say it.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:28

I think we swear we the center of the universe. You know what I'm saying? And that women's supposed to be serving us, and we are like this, oh, the center of the universe. And I think that there's some massive conversation.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:39

You think you you think that all like a you think that a good majority of men think that way?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:45

Christian theology says that that women were created. Hold on. Because you're about to cut me off again. Young, do you have the ability? Christian theology, you know, speaks to this idea that they believe that women were made to to some degree serve men. That is wild.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:05

I would agree with you, but do you believe that all men feel that way?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:12

Like I believe that men uh unknowingly perpetuate and some and some knowingly um perpetuate these ideas, yes. Yes. And I believe most men do, especially if you don't unlearn it. Or try your best to. So including myself.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:36

Including yourself. Of course. Huh. Yes. In what way?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:41

In many ways. I think that like I'm called on, I be getting called on my patriarchy all the time around like um, you know, expectations of of men and women, expectations of myself, expectations of women in general, like how I feel about um everything that I everything I'm I've had to unlearn. Or try my best to unlearn, become aware. Like I've been reading Belle Hook's books, I've been reading all her work to try to figure out how to how to jump out of it. You know what I'm saying? And continuously work to try to jump out of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:14

So, what do you mean as far as expectations? Like I don't I uh do you feel like there are certain expectations for men and women, or you just think it's just all fluid?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:26

I don't think that so for example, I don't I don't think that it's all fluid. Like I have ideas about like what women do, what men do. Like, for example, like I'm never gonna let my woman fight and like you know what I'm saying? Like I feel like there's a level of protection that I must have. I also believe that like it's my responsibility. It it gonna it's gonna fall on me if my house goes awry awry. Like if I can't like if if if something happens and I can't necessarily provide, though we're doing this together, I feel the burden for it. Like I feel that that like that's my burden. Um, though it's not fully mine, I'm gonna take it as if it's mine. Um like that's that's real. Like that is an expectation that I have, and that is an expectation that I carry of men. Like I really carry that of men. So if I feel like a man is not like, you know, I get I understand oppression, I understand what we exist in, I get all of that, but I also believe that like my people walk from South Carolina to, you know what I'm saying, the freedom. And I'm like, and we can't figure out how to navigate this and move through, you know what I'm saying, oppression. I am a firm believer in that. But women and men. No, I'm I'm tougher on men, yeah. I'm tougher on men. That is a straight up, like, yeah. Like straight up. I be like, you a man, figure it out. And I know it. I know that's some some old, you know what I'm saying? But I don't know no other way. And I you like my like always think of like my mother and my father. Yeah. Like the way I met, I talked to you like my mom and my dad, like I be getting my mother, like, she get a different past than my father do. And I know it. Yeah. But and he don't deserve, you know what I'm saying? That's just the way we move. It's the way I move. My sister, she treated like Queen. Yeah, my brothers, man, you know what I'm saying? It's just, yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

Do you think that there's, okay, with that being said, with that kind of pressure, do you think that, you know, there's certain things that we go through that, you know, is similar to menopause or perimenopause, like mentally.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:43

Yeah, it's some research that's you, it's some some research out there that they they say that men actually have a like uh a cycle.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:52

Around like when we get, you know what I'm saying, getting there in there, but you know, men, they definitely don't want to have that type of conversation.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

But yeah, we definitely I don't think the world wants to have that conversation. I don't think it's necessarily just men.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:02

Oh, yeah. But I I be fine to myself, though, when I'm blown, or if I'm just I'd be in moves for no reason. Be like, yeah, we definitely manage it.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:10

So let me ask you a question though. If you think that men are responsible for the household, being, you know, like making sure that it's running correctly and we are supposed to be the protectors and all of that type of stuff, don't you think that it is equally important for that cycle to be talked about and you know what I'm saying, you know, like giving some attention?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:37

If all of this weight is on this person and they go through a cycle as well, yeah, then you know Yeah, and I think that's part of the conversation that we even having this for, or the reason why we even having public conversations is the reason why we do the burger bar and why we don't we talked a little bit about this, but that's the reason why is that men definitely need spaces for expression because when they don't, we I think move to addiction. Like we move to ways in which we cope and try to manage it ourselves. That's why men have a high have higher incidences of addiction than women because they're trying to figure out a way to cope with the things that they are dealing with every single day. But I also think that there's a level of vulnerability that men have to have to be able to get that out, like we were talking about, like crying and being able to express yourself, right? Is that we gotta create spaces for men to be able to be vulnerable and express themselves. Oh, and also, but it's on the man to be able to say to defy some of these elements of manhood as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:39

So I definitely feel like we need more education on the things that women are going through so that we can better uh support them during their times.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:57

Yeah, and you know, and I think that that's part of like our responsibility as men to um to be open to that process and open to understanding and knowing kind of what's going on so that we can better serve.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:13

And I think that the world needs to do a better job at looking at men and you know how the world can better support them with the things that they're going through too.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:29

I fully agree. I but I don't necessarily believe that they don't.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:35

What do you mean? We just you just talked about like you know Yeah, I think I think that there is support, but I think that meant you we gotta open ourselves up. Okay, okay. Now I would agree with you there.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:48

Like you gotta open because you know that it's it's uncomfortable because it's it goes against everything that the text that we it says to be a man.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:57

But isn't that isn't that difficult considering you've been conditioned?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:00

That's what I'm saying. So you gotta be able to men have we have to be able to take the risk and say, like, dog, I'm just gonna be who like I'm okay. Yeah, but a lot of men we be guarded. We just like no, I ain't like no no no man, no woman, no nothing. I'm not doing nothing. Everybody is against me. It's just like dog, you gotta like get you know what I mean, you gotta open yourself up in order to receive it and I'll be simple feeling like I'm a believer, bro. And I don't know, you might disagree with me here, dog. But I believe, yeah, but I believe black women always been there. They've always been there, dog.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:32

They always I definitely can't argue against it.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:36

Yeah, they've always been there, dog. And we and we just gotta do a better job of like allowing them in.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:42

I I okay. I I can I can agree with you on that. All right, I can definitely agree with you. Good.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:47

All right, so boom. I'll give you that one. All right. Because all you want to do is argue, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:51

All right, speaking of argue, let's argue then. Alright, I got some cards right here. Alright. You gotta pick a card. When you pick a card, you gotta argue your side. I gotta take the opposite side no matter what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:10

But is it just but the argue is like I can shoot like does this card tell me what side I pick?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:17

Yeah. I think it does.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:19

You think it does? But if it's something I don't wanna argue about, though, you're not gonna argue.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:23

Don't read it out loud. If it's something that you don't want to argue about, just pick another card.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:36

No, this is weak. I'm sorry, whoever wrote these, let's argue. That was weak. Uh oh, okay. Alright. I'm gonna allow you to choose a side. I'm gonna read it. No, that's not how it goes. That's not how it goes. But you can choose, I'll let you choose a side because I can I'm gonna beat you in an argument, so I don't want it to be unfair. You know, just pick the side. Your spouse changes their mind about having kids. Does that justify a divorce? Why or why not?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:10

And your side is?

SPEAKER_02 1:23:12

No, you choose. You can choose. No, you want to. I read the question. The next one, you you can choose.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:18

Does that justify a divorce? Your spouse, you're married. Yeah, because it says your spouse changes their mind about having kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:26

Did that justify a divorce? Why or why not?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:30

Oh, that's a tough one. Um That's tough. Damn, you're right, you can argue both points. That's why it's unfair that you're making me pick. So what I'll go with is no, it doesn't um it doesn't do a it doesn't lead to it shouldn't lead to a divorce. Because when you married, of course, you said through sickness and health, all of these vows that you said, you you you're married to that person, you love that person, you committed your life to that person. Um, yes, you had dreams and aspirations, but in most marriages, if not all marriages, those things don't ever plan out the way you wanted them to. Um that person has decided not to have children, but if that person was unable to have children at some point in time, you wouldn't leave. You know, you would stay there and be with them um throughout it all. Uh I think it'll be tough. And you're supposed to love a person as they are. Like, you know, I'm loving different versions of you. Um, so I think that you would have to work extremely hard to love this version that doesn't want to give you kids.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:53

When she don't want to have a baby, gotta drop her like she's hot. Drop her like she's hot, drop her like she's hot. Nah, dog, we made a decision. You change your mind. We say we're gonna have babies. It's not the fact that you can't have them, you just don't want to have them. And I want children, and we just in it. I feel like if we if it's this, but we we newly in it, I might get that a normal print. Stab it. Nah, dog, you say we're gonna do something. I gotta figure out another life. This is the life I wanna have. I am a fan of divorce. Like, if it ain't working out, you got one life. Go ahead, choose another way, choose another path, dog. Nah, man. Like, you don't have kids. I do. I love you. You go ahead. I still love you, but I'm gonna love this other one over here because I want babies. So peace hood. A time down. I'm out.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:40

Yeah, this this game allows you to be like the top, the top, the most cruddiest you can talk.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:46

That's crazy. Yeah. I get the you get the shoes now. I get to private. Yeah. And I just want to say, nope, don't do it. We have to do it. Why? I wanna be clear. I put out the clip.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:58

We putting out the clip just like that. That's how you feel.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:02

I hope they watch the whole podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:04

This is how they gotta they gotta watch the whole podcast. Yeah. If not, they gonna look at you and be like, yo, that dude's crazy. A woman refuses to dance with her date at the club. Later, she spots him on the dance floor with another woman. She gets upset and leaves. Who's wrong? You get to choose.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:23

Oh, you don't wanna dance?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:28

You don't wanna dance? What? You trippin'? You ain't trying to dance.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:35

I told you it's time to boogie, and you ain't trying to dance. And I get on the floor and and I'm and they choosing. You get I'm out here dancing out here, whatever, dog. If I'm dancing, you ain't got no reason to get mad. I ain't doing nothing crazy. I'm just boogieing. And you mad, you sick, and I'm dancing, and we just I just asked you to dance. Nah, I'm out here doing 360s, doing everything. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Throwing them around, acting a fool. Don't get mad at me. Don't get mad at me because I'm boogieing now, yeah. You should have boogied with me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:10

Alright, so first of all, you don't know why she ain't danced. That you didn't even ask the question. You know what I'm saying? Her feet might be hurting, she may not know how to dance, she may be embarrassed, you know. You ain't even did you ain't even diving deep. Like this is supposed to be your date. You supposed to try to make her feel comfortable and all that. And so what you do is you play on her insecurity and you go and dance with somebody else, and you just parlaying in the club with somebody else, and you left her. Like you ain't even you you just said I bet and just dipped off. And this supposed to be your date.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:42

Hey, look, dog, you insecure. You can't be insecure. Like, I've been in the junk, I've been in the junk, man, young. Hey young, this is funny though. I've been in the club with my wife, and she not a club, it was like a wedding or something like that. And she went to go dance on the floor at young. I come on the floor, young this old man spinning her around, dog. I'm talking about old man, old player got her. I said, oh younger. Hey say, Hey, say, baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:11

Hey, baby. Hey, say, I'm like, Willie.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:15

I can't get mad. I should have been dancing with her, young. Now Mr. Willie.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:20

You let her keep dancing. You ain't go, you ain't go interrupt it. No. I felt like cause you felt like you was better than Mr. Willie. Mr. Willie ain't had nothing. You know what I'm saying? Mr. Willie couldn't do nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:28

Hey, young, the way my arrogance set up, young.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:31

Now you keep saying that, young. Like, you arrogant, young? Like, what what do you mean, arrogant?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:36

I don't think that I'm better than anybody. So for some.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:38

Well, okay, because I'm about to say arrogant.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:40

Well, I am better than Mr. Willie.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:43

You don't know that.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:44

No, I do. How? Because I know it to be true.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:47

You know Mr. Willie?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:48

No, I didn't know Mr. Willie, but Mr. Willie ain't got nothing, ain't got nothing on me.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:54

That's funny, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I felt like I won twice.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:58

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. You might have. Let's see. The first one was what? Uh the having kids. Yeah. No, I don't think you won that one. Yeah, I was just mean. Yeah, you was just mean. Yeah, I was mean. I was mean. Yeah, I think you won the second one, though. Oh, alright. Yeah, I think you won the second one.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:14

Yeah, I'm a beast. I won the first one too.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:16

So, young, which books you got for us this time?

SPEAKER_02 1:29:18

Oh man. So look, I got I'm pull one for youngest and then one for adults. I'm gonna start with the youngest first. I'm gonna hold it up right. This is uh Walter Dean Myers uh 145th Street.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:32

I feel like that was a movie. It might have been. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:36

But it is a collection of short stories. Okay. This book, I I ran a couple book clubs with some young black men when I was teaching. This joint is is is written in some the the slang is very 70s. Okay. It's a little older, 70s, 80s, maybe 80s. Um say, man. Yeah, say play. Yeah, but the joint is amazing, yeah. And I always tell youngins, um, youngers who not necessarily uh avid readers, short stories is the way to go. Cause you can get to the plot, get to the story. One of my favorite short uh joints in this is called Big Joe's Funeral. A brown a brother uh has a funeral while he's alive.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:14

I want that's what I want.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:17

I I'm not coming.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:18

No, I mean I mean, just if like I I think that that's something that you should do if you know you're going to get out of there? Yeah, like if you if you know have like cancer or something and they give you a certain amount of time to die.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:30

Yeah, you want to have it while you're awake?

SPEAKER_00 1:30:32

I mean, I feel like I I want a celebration, not necessarily a funeral.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:35

Oh I want a party that like you know. You better than me, because if I got a certain, I already talked to my wife, I got a certain amount of time to live, you out. Dog. I mean, yeah. Six. I'm out here. You what? I am in six gear, redlining. Dog, I'm doing whatever. I'm lunching.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:52

What's what's what's what's a certain amount of time? I don't even know. The doctor said you got six years to live. Six?

SPEAKER_02 1:30:59

The last two years, I'm lunching. The last two years. Yeah. I might go three because he I feel like that's a ballpark. Yeah. So, you know what I'm saying? I'm I'm out here, dog. I'm doing everything I said I was ever gonna do. Okay, yeah, yeah. So yeah, no, no celebrations, don't need it. And uh, next joint is uh Jawanza Kunjufu is one of the leading writers on black young black males uh development. Okay. Uh and this book, Raising Black Boys, is an amazing book, especially if you're raising a black boy right now, you're trying to figure a black boy out, and you're gonna figure out how to give them the game or help them have positive self-esteem that's trying to tear them down around that community, making them think that we, you know what I'm saying, our community, all we do is drink, you know what I'm saying, and all this other stuff. Oh my god. This book right here is a bad man, yeah. You asked me. It's a beautiful that's called what you call a callback. This right here is a beautiful uh book on black male psychology and development and while the conjufu. I am, young. I know I am, yeah. And that's I can't help it. It's part of like that's why I be cutting you off.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:04

That's why I be cutting you off because I got me.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:06

Because I know in that part right there, when I'm talking about books, you don't cut me off because you know what I'm saying? So I had to gotta how I live, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:13

I don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:14

Yeah, yeah. It was, yeah. You know what's funny, dog? Is that like how we be arguing, bams probably be thinking, yeah, these bams be launching. Yeah, but that's every day, though. That's every day.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:25

That re clue single every day at the gym. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:30

The Bama blows me. I be didn't. I think it's Bama in everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:34

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This is why we end up arguing, because you be lying. Like you just be coming up with stuff. You be lying, first of all, and you be doing stuff wrong, and you be trying to get me to do stuff the right way. But if you do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:47

If you are watching this before we leave, if you are watching this, I want you to go to our Instagram and I want you or our TikTok, and I just want you to look at the video of Black and I at the gym when we're pulling the sled. And I then I want you to come back to this. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:03

I want you to come back to this and then make a comment. No, that's that's what I want you to do. That's not a fair, that's not a fair one. That's not a fair one to look at. It's on, it's on it. I understand. Uh, but it's not fair. It's not fair to judge a just please make sure you do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:17

Just play the music.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:22

Back in victorious. Back in victorious.