Why Is It So Hard to Say Thank You?

Why is it so difficult to simply say "thank you" when someone offers a compliment?

In this episode of The Deep Water Podcast, Jackie and Christi explore a surprisingly common struggle: our instinct to dismiss, minimize, or deflect words of affirmation. Whether it's a compliment about our appearance, our work, or who we are, many of us feel uncomfortable receiving goodness.

But what if that discomfort points to something deeper?

Together, they discuss:

• The difference between true humility and false humility
• Why many women struggle to receive compliments
• The connection between affirmation, identity, and worth
• How performance and achievement can become barriers to grace
• What everyday compliments reveal about our ability to receive God's love
• Why accepting goodness may be an act of faith

At its heart, this conversation asks a deeper question:

If we struggle to receive something small and human, how do we learn to receive something divine?

Pull up a chair. We've saved you a seat.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey friend. Hey Jackie. Here we are again. We are in Cincinnati.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

It's a great place to be.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

I mean, kind of is, but those that don't know don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

That's true. So nothing like Midwesterners.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

I mean Midwesterners.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Milkshakes down the street at your local. Did you know? Wait, an ice cream store. Which we call whippy dip up here.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

It is a whippy dip. Yes. Did you know that there's a thing called the Midwest goodbye?

SPEAKER_01 0:32

All right, we've talked about the Irish exit. Now I'm scared.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

The Midwest goodbye is when you say you're, let's say you're at a party or a gathering. Okay, y'all, we need to, well, they wouldn't say y'all, but okay, it's time to say goodbye. Okay, we're gonna go. And then literally you go to every person in the room to say your farewells and kids growing up. We knew when mom and dad said, okay, it's time to say goodbye. We had at least another hour because there is this lingering, slow back stepping out of the event. So a Midwest goodbye is the antithesis of the Irish exit.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Okay, and I lived in Cincinnati for 14 years, and I can tell you I never did that. So I must be a Florida native at heart. I think maybe.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

I think maybe. Hey, we I love it when we get to laugh and and chat and giggle. Today, today is hard. Today is one of those. I'm ready to bring hard. Are we really gonna talk about this day's?

SPEAKER_03 1:37

So y'all grab whatever your mug requires and take a deep breath. Because it's all good. You just need to take a breath. You ready?

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Let's jump into some you and I grew up in the same faith tradition, Christy. That's how we met one another at church. And it was beautiful.

unknown 2:07

It was.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

It was absolutely epically beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

My journey in my practice of faith has been a little bit, I think, you can dispute this all day long, but a little bit more circuitous than yours, as far as the the the practice of it. Yes, not the depth of our faith. By no means that. Right. But the outward practice for me and for the Mac and I together has been circuitous.

unknown 2:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

And big words.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Um and the hard thing today is to discuss the fact, having come from a very solid Protestant Presbyterian background, that I am now a Catholic.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

But you just said it.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Well, I have hair hanging off my stuff. Um, I did say it. I did just say it.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Was it scary?

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Yes. It is. And here's here's in part why. Because in the process of discerning and then converting to Roman Catholicism, the people that I thought would judge that the most.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

The people that were the most genuinely kindly curious.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

And the people that I thought would be more open-minded and welcoming and gracious about it were cruel.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Not so much, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Cruel, and I use those words specifically. Okay. And so there is the part of Jackie that I think is not unlike most of us that just wants to belong.

unknown 4:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Right? We all want that connection. I think, you know, the last time you and I talked, we talked about just wanting to be seen and then that fostering the connection in the relationship that we all want in life.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Right.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

So what happens when you are in a situation, a relationship, a practice? Yes. And you have that solid connection there, and you step out. For me, it was the fear of being misunderstood or being labeled or being dismissed, because I will tell you these very, very harsh comments of like, well, Jackie, you could never be Catholic. And do you even know what they teach? Or how could you believe that? It wasn't curiosity. Ted Lasso, okay, segue. Are you familiar with Ted Lasso? The scene, the epic bar scene with darts, where he says, just be curious. Don't be judgmental, just be curious. So that absolute lack of curiosity was just gut-wrenching for me. I can understand that. And it it came from people that I held really close in my walk of faith. Mentors, even people, women that up to that point I really clung to their wise counsel. And they were suddenly slapping that down.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

And today, first of all, I'm very sorry that you were dismissed that way. And it is kind of how the way the world works as well. If it doesn't agree with the routes that you take and the life that you live, then you are dismissed. And yes, and that's a hurtful place.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

So I'm sorry about that for you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

For me, this conversation, me coming out, if you will, because the majority of people that are watching or listening to this are already aware. But for those that are not, it feels risky, but I don't want our conversation to be about whether you're Catholic or Protestant.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Because that's really what it comes down to.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

It's it's that's this is the vehicle for the conversation. Yeah. But ultimately, isn't it more about the confidence each of us has to be a Christ follower?

SPEAKER_01 7:00

And how God speaks to you in your faith. Right. Yes. I know when you when you mentioned to me after we hadn't seen each other for decades. Yes. And that you are now Catholic. I I was intrigued. Just because I know that you are a deep thinker, that you you swim in a lot of deep water in your life, and how you look at and how you look at things. Yes and your perspective on God that there must be something there that is so sacred that you found that you were like, this is it. This is what I've been looking for. Yes. In your pursuit of being close and drawing closer to God. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Absolutely. And what you just said, Christy, is what I would always hope to pursue as a Christ follower, which is a really wow, what is that? Tell me more.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Because I think everybody's looking for a deeper, a deeper well. Yes. Whether, I mean, granted, we're talking specifics here of people who do have a faith and people that are agnostic, right? And maybe, maybe even people who don't believe in God, but they probably wouldn't have these kind of conversations. Yes. And at the same time, every everybody is looking at the center, you know, the center of what they could latch on to as faith. Whether it's like one God and then how all these other things of religions come together.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Um, that influence the the way that we practice our faith.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah, absolutely. And I always want to pursue learning in life.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

That's totally you. So she has a lot of books in her house, just saying, just oh, and then she writes. Okay, okay. You're constantly, if you're a writer, you're constantly learning.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Yes. Yes. Um, I think one of the great things that you mentioned in society, and and as Christ followers, we are part of a society as Christ followers, but then we're also, you know, render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. So we're also part of a larger culture of society. And one of the great ways that the enemy gets us as Christians is to divide us.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Absolutely. I knew you were going there.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

So we could go to the mat, you and I, you and I literally right now could go to the mat and be like, no, my practice is the right practice, here quotes. And I could come back. But are we fostering one another in our pursuit of Christ by being divisive? And those women that looked at me and were bold, bold in a very loud, aggressive, argumentative way. Is that the kind of bold faith that Christ is calling us to?

SPEAKER_03 10:32

I I have a couple words with that.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Yeah, please. I I choose to, if anyone talks about their religion, like even if they're Muslim. Hi, I I was in San Diego and I sat across from this lady who was Muslim. I don't agree with her faith, of course. I don't, but I also don't know everything that goes into it. She was the nicest lady. She was she was wanting connection. We talked about Jesus. Like, and we've we found a connection from the standpoint of this is her God. Muslims completely are, and I'm saying they're set aside from Islamic to that degree. But we just went just for the sake of those are two different different ways that they follow their faith. Yes. And but we still made a connection, yes, that that how important her God, how she looked at her God and practiced her religion and faith, and and how I did, and there was no cynicism, there was no critical spirit, because that's the big thing right there, right? Right there is a critical spirit over other people's religions, and that is divisive, yes, or judgmental, yes. I mean, it's all those three things are still tied to one, but I think it's how we use the application of if we are made in the image of God, that we we come into this type of unity, yes, because everybody's walk is at a different level.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

And I want to just confirm that you are not in this moment saying that your faith in Christ and the resurrection is less than or open to different forms of religion. We're not, we're you and I are talking within or under the banner of Christianity, acknowledging Christ as a one true savior.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

And so offering connection with those outside of that does not replace the truth of that.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Absolutely right.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

So I just want to clarify that because somebody may be listening to going, oh, does she think that no, we're not, we're not denying the the truth of the resurrection of Christ.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

But understanding that we're coming at different different bands, different soccer goals, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Um in the context of you being Catholic, right, is if I found it so intriguing when you first told me. Yes. Because there's a lot that you have experienced in your short time of being Catholic. Yes. That is it really opens the wide door of the the door, is open wide, I should say, for what I used to believe about Catholicism. But Catholicism has been around forever.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Well, it you know, we could we could go into the whole history of Christianity and apostolic succession and which is the one true church and which was the first church and all like that gets so in the academic weeds of faith. Right. And one of the things in all of that, Christy, is that throughout my life, and maybe it was just I didn't have the right people, but throughout my life, every time I asked a question about faith, every time I questioned my specific or the specific practice of the church to which we belonged, the denomination to which we belonged. Every time I questioned that, I was rebuffed. It wasn't received as a curious thing to be discussed. It was smacked down as heresy or entirely not even a door that could be opened. And I think one of the things that I appreciate when I look at the teachings of Christ is that he welcomed conversation. He never deviated from the truth of what he spoke, but he welcomed conversation.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Tell me more. And again, maybe I didn't have the right people around me as a Protestant, but literally the only people that allowed me to ask the questions. That is amazing that all of that led you.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Yes, because I believe in there is a wonderful, wonderful author, Matthew Kelly. And a lot of Protestants, he he is a Catholic author, but most of most of the people that I know that read Matthew Kelly, read him because he's a phenomenal businessman and inspires businessmen and women. And he had, I think it was two years ago, but in a Lenten series, ended every podcast or every episode with be bold, be Catholic. And I started to dig into what being bold in Christ looked like for me. And it wasn't be brash, be argumentative, be critical, be closed-minded. It was being curious. Being bold is saying, I believe in Jesus Christ, and this is why I do what I do and why I believe what I believe.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

But it was a it was a big invitation. It was a very bold bold when maybe you've been shut down, yes, or doors have been closed where you haven't been able to be bold and to be curious.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

So for me, being bold in this season of life is living out a very real and outward expression as a Roman Catholic. What does being bold in your faith look like for you? Wow. Because again, we've been talking a lot, almost 20 minutes in now, about me and Catholicism.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah, and I can just be really quick about that. Yes. Being bold for me, um, I don't even look at because I'm non-denominational, that I am just a Christian. So being bold for me is praying for praying for someone, stepping out in faith and and praying.

unknown 18:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Or lifting my hands in worship. For me, that's bold.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

That is really bold because we did not grow up in a church where we yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yes. Extending love to strangers, not at not wishing for a response or just just being like, I am just going to be like Jesus. I'm in the image and the and stepping out and doing that to me, that's a bold step. Of just of just making connections with other people. But for bold I think also goes with what my what I believe my my what God has given me, my gifts. Okay, which is being okay and asking, you know, going up to say, can I pray for you for something? And walking walking out and and just being a Christian. And the character and likeness of Jesus to me requires a lot of boldness. It's not even just the the the faith of being a Christian or what whatever you call it. I think it's just coming into the image and likeness of Jesus because that's what the whole end game is.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

There's so much here. There is.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

So many times that I fall prey to and I think it it's fairly universal. We in our practice of faith can so readily make assumptions about someone else's practice of faith. And Jesus said, like, you're going to be under misunderstood for believing in me.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

He was. And he certainly was.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Not everyone is going to ask a follow-up question about us in our faith, Christy. When I know you and I are very curious individuals. And for me, it's it's hard when I soft toss something of my faith to someone and they don't grab it and pursue it. That that soft toss for me is bold.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Okay. I just want to encourage you that it doesn't mean that they're not going to hold it and give it space for after your response of not receiving it.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

It could just open up a door like God do the work behind the scenes with that. But I know what you're saying. I get what you're saying. In our faith walk, in our living out being Christ-like, what is more compelling, do you think?

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Living out the still small voice of Christ in kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control through the gifts of the Spirit. Are you going to draw more people to Christ, literally, by living out a life of faith, or by being bold in and being bold in that? Just being stable and solid, and this is this is how we live life, this is what we do, this is what we don't do. Not the drama that modern society so is drawn to, but just the still small quiet life of Christ. Are you going to be more compelled to say, what are you doing and why are you, why is it working for you? Or are you going to be more likely to find Christ in someone saying, you're doing it wrong. I mean, because there's part of me being the athlete and and being raised in an environment and within the church, but not just the church, that said there's one right way, there's one wrong way, there's God's way. And not giving space for like the simple, still small.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Talk to me more about that. I think the the simple is also the one that convicts our hearts that if we are comfortable, God will make a way for us to speak life about Him in His way, truth and life of who He is to somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

Like God designs that divine time where it's natural. Yes. And we act upon that with the conviction of our hearts. What that still small voice within us is asking us to do, that He paves the way for all of that. Right. But we I mean it does involve being bold. It does. Because the the faith, the relationship you have with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit, with God. Yes, it needs to be, it's it's all in my the way that I look at it is it needs to be more than just you in this little bubble with God. Correct. That because we as scripture says, you know, go and make disciples of all nations. And some people just do not have all the giftings to do that. To stand on the corner with a megaphone and proclaim the goodness of God. And at this, I'm I'm not like that. I'm not that bold. No, not that bold, but that's also not my calling.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

But God will give you what you're what you're supposed to do and when you're supposed to do it, whether it's a little nudge or a little thing that is spoken, that God says, okay, you did that little part for that person, because I needed you to touch that person today, right? In the way that it just felt comfortable for you. And then God does what he does.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Because we are not called to be God, we are called to do the work that he has given us to do and then let him be God.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

And so as we're wrapping up for today, tell me one thing or one question that you in learning about us becoming Catholic and you and I talking over you know the months, tell me one thing that you learned just from us being friends and being curious. What what have you one thing have you learned? I'm totally putting you on the spot.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

You are, and is there one thing that you can my very first thought, yes, it uh in response is I again I was intrigued. Yes. What draws Jackie to this faith, to this religion? Okay, what is it? And you and I went to the church.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

We did, we went to St. Gertrude.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Um, and you basically gave me the field trip. But it started with it started with the campus, it started with the grounds of that, and people were just getting out of mass when that happened. Yes, and just walking, there was so much peace. And it I've been to a lot of places in Italy where they a lot, a lot of the churches there, yes, and they're gorgeous, they're wonderful. I've taken them in, I've absorbed, I've breathed in the the Catholic beds, yes, the gods, and and at the same time I go, there's there is definitely something beautiful about this and about the people of faith here. So one thing that I've learned is that Catholicism is beautiful, that it's beautiful, wow, and I know that that it makes you in how we've had multiple lots of conversations about it, yes, that it makes you feel that that this this feels this feels like safe, yes, where I can connect with God and in my relationship with Him, which you are doing in a greater way, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

And for me, it's beautiful to you.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

So wow, yeah, it sounds so basic, but at the same time, I'm like, you know what? Faith can be beautiful, it it doesn't have to be in how we are with the fact of that we both love Jesus, right? We both believe in the Holy Spirit, that we both know that God is God and we are not.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Thanks be to God.

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Thanks be to God, and look what we've been able to do, no matter what angle of faith that we're coming at, that we still are unified and what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Because we are more together in Christ than we are not. Amen. Hey friend, sisters in Christ, sisters in Christ. Thanks for another great deep water chat.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

I want to talk more about this, but can we? Until then.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Until then. Okay, bye for now.

unknown 27:46

Bye.