The Church Road Kitchen Recording

This isn't an investigation into the unknown; it's a look at what is documented.

As part of the ongoing forensic audit of our family history, Episode 8 focuses on a single, raw, unedited moment. The Church Road kitchen recording captures an intimate, real-time conversation and slice of life with Kiara and Olivia. It stands as a permanent audio record of our experiences, our voices, and the reality of our timeline.

No narration. No spin. Just the archive speaking for itself.

⚠️ EXTREME DISCRETION ADVISED.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

November twentieth, twenty twenty two, and I'm having a mental health break because I'm going through recordings that I had obtained over time. The time period of the recordings are please excuse me. Cannabis Indica use is absolutely necessary during this particular episode. Because this is one where I I'm not so much angry as I am just completely heartbroken. But on November 20th, 2022, I was having absolute triple crisis mode feelings. And it was due to going through all the recordings that I had collected, since I got wise enough to start recording things. I really thought nobody would believe me unless it did. Not realizing that they don't help fuck all anything. They really don't. In a court of law, the things that matter aren't anything that I thought that mattered. That was due to my ignorance mainly. And I'll admit that the deficiency of autism type 1 definitely gave me the raw emotional energy that caused me to make so many mistakes during this case. One of these recordings that I had sent him was a recording that was made on I don't know what day it was, but I know that it was made between the end of February and the middle of March of 2022. It is a recording of myself and my daughter Olivia. Let us jump back into history for a moment. We all remember words. Correct? Words mean things. You can get a dictionary and look up the word that you don't know the meaning to if you need to. I mean, there's a lot of great things available to people to help them understand words. And there were words on Monica's restraining order application. And these words that I took great umbrage with consist of he has an unnatural attachment to her eldest daughter. Or my eldest daughter. I don't have the document in front of me, and I don't remember if it was her eldest daughter or my eldest daughter. The only reason that matters is if it's her eldest daughter, then that means that that's Dan saying that bullshit and fuck him. And if it says my eldest daughter, then that means Monica and I have something else to talk about because I does that erase all the parenting that I did lovingly? Does Monica forget the time we almost broke up and then on the porch she's yelling at me that if she break if I break up with her, then you know I'm leaving a little girl who loves her very much, and as I don't know, uh high-level stakes poker game playing legendary move that that might have been. And uh really uh for that particular argument, I think it was my fault, so I'm not gonna like, you know, fault Monica for that at all. Because she it's not like she's lying. But it just goes to show that there's evidence that, I mean, I like there's way more than that, clearly, but there's evidence that I've been nothing but a good dad to Olivia. So why why the why the unnatural attachment comment? Why would Angela on the back of a failed dismissed with prejudice 50C make statements about me being investigated for abusing my eldest daughter when I was not, and Brian confirmed all this, because I was actively flipping the fuck out. Calling everybody out. I do have a recording of me calling Monica out for this to her face, where she flat out denies that, and my I quote, no one said you touched her. Or hit her, something like that, along those lines. Yeah, no one said you hit her, and then I said not hit, touched. Now you understand why I'm so fucking angry right now. That's paraphrasing the conversation. Like, I have the recording, it's right here. We're not gonna play that one right now, we're gonna play a different one. And and the reason is there has to be a flip-flop of how of of the direction of what recordings are being addressed. And then there's a conversation of, well, how many are relative to this, and then how many just go in the vaults for the girls where if something happens to me, they get the box, and everything's there. You know? Uh there's just variables of of like what what will and most importantly, what will help dad Sue and Angela be held accountable versus what won't. This one will. So it's alleged, again, I've named two sources. I named Monica's 50B application, and I've named Angela's failed 50C application. Uh we've uh we've also discussed the difference between a 50B and a 50C. Uh 50C is way fucking worse and more egregiously awful to receive. And I'm not gonna lie, I mean, I I I forgive me for being petty, but it was really funny listening to her and her uh legal aid attorney, that redhead lady, getting bitched the fuck out by the Casel County Court judge. I mean, and like like I don't know how to say this. I'm that judge is like super elegant. And like she's gotta be in her mid-30s, like on game, on point, and she's just letting them have it. And Brian's like, get the fuck out of here. I'm gone. Done. See ya. Out. Anywho, to not be uh a complete guilt of digression. This recording that I'm about to play. Um I don't really I don't look, I don't know if I'm gonna be interrupting things here and there. I don't know if I should, because I don't know if that's emotionally healthy. Because the recording's less than two minutes long. And I've already had to listen to it before I started this episode. And right now my heart is broken, like like like again. An unnamed, unknown individual that doesn't exist, clearly, this is all theoretical, is plunging a knife into my heart over and over again. Right now. My my my my tardy discinesia is in full fucking swing, and I'm having to uh consume more cannabis indica than I normally do because I don't know how to feel normal right now. This this is too emotionally destructive. And I am responsible for how I react to things. I have to be considerate. I have a loud voice. I've had the police called on me before for having recording studios in nearly every home I've ever been and owned or rented or whatever the case may be. The ratio could easily be nine out of ten. So if I start getting mad and screaming and flipping the fuck out at the complete sorrow of what this shit does, meaning listening to Olivia say what she's saying and I can't do anything about it. Listening to the recording in November, particularly November twentieth of 2022, and I'm sending an email to Brian. One of many. One of many that clearly showcase how awful of a client I was. I should have just shut the fuck up and listened to what he said. Instead, I I probably drove him mentally crazy. I probably did. I bet there's a good a good a good chance that I I I drove him nuts. And so this email I sent him contains this recording. Here's what the email says. That's the subject. Me, November 20th, 2022, to Brian. Brian at WALAw.org. I'm literally having another mental health break without having to go through these recordings and relive this nightmare. Also, I'm pretty sure the recordings have dates on when they were made, tagged in their metadata. If they don't show up, let me know. I'll tell you what they are. Oh, so I do have the date. It was March 3rd. March 3rd, our daughter Olivia is conveying to me, from what I understand, that she said, she does not want to go to two houses. I'm essentially telling her that no matter what, she'll always have a home with me and her mother also. That I respect her mom and her wishes. I tried my best to make it all happy go lucky so she wouldn't know there's a problem. But nah man, my daughter is not stupid. I'm literally bawling my eyes out having to listen to this recording again. I haven't heard my daughter's voice in person since June 14th. This is BS. That's the end of the email. June 14th was the last day that I heard Olivia's voice in person. I've talked about this before. We Monica, Chiara, myself, and Olivia and that stupid bitch Angela decided that. No, well, minus Angela, decided we were gonna go to the carnival. Of course Angela's gotta fucking stipend her way into everything. Vicariously live out her stolen valor through children. At the time, uh this is two months before everything fell apart for her. Meaning the middle of August of 2022 when I discovered like absolute empirical proof that she did set this conspiracy up, that this is a fact, and everything that I'm saying is true. And let's please keep in mind I started this podcast in January of this year, meaning 2026. So if I'm fucking lying, take me to court and sue me for defamation. Please. I will be the Afroman to your Adams County Sheriff's Department any day of the week, motherfuckers. Bring it on. Any of you. Anyone that I'm talking about, anyone that I have talked about, and anyone that I'm going to talk about. If you have been involved in my life or the custody case in any way, shape, or form in a fucked up manner, I'm gonna fucking talk about you. If you gave my father or Sue or Angela a narrative unknowingly, I'm gonna talk about you. If you did something awful to me and I'm calling you out on it, and you won't fucking come on the show and speak to me, I'm gonna talk about you. And if you let me raise a child with you that's not mine by birth, and then take her away, either A realizing the psychological damage that you have just inflicted on this child for no fucking reason, or B, you're ignorant to the fact of all of that, and just don't know what to think. And you're just like, fuck it. You've been you were a bad boyfriend, so you don't even deserve any kind of a modicum of respect to be able to speak to me about anything other than Chiara. I'm gonna talk about you and I'm gonna talk about what's going on. I'm gonna be respectful about it. I mean, I will say this Monica gets free passes, and nobody gets. Like, pretty much a free pass on the whole thing. Like, I've I've told her, I told her this to her face at the ice skating rink when we were with Kiara. I was like, yeah, I I'm not mad at you at all for what you did. I I I even as faulty as the evidence you had, no, even as faulty as everything you were going off of, I don't blame you. I know you were just protecting the girls, and I'm not I'm not mad. We we're gonna talk about this other shit later, but you know, she's like, well, thank you. And and that was that. Like, we went on talking about Chiara and other shit. Look, she's I give it to her, she's stoic, she's a good actor. Like, I don't blame her. You know, I'm somebody she has to be polite around until Kiara's 18. I imagine when Kiara turns 18, maybe she'll say something like, well, fuck you, you piece of shit. I don't know. I don't care. I need to get back to this. So, like, we're we're at this fucking carnival, and there is a guy that I I paid him five bucks to let Kiara on the ride because she was too short. And like nobody had a problem with that. I didn't have a problem with it. Fuck that. Like, oh you're a bad parent. Fuck you and your mother. What are you talking about? Let that kid Kiara was gonna f like I could see it. The me was coming out. She was gonna flip the fuck out. She didn't get on this ride. And there's no fucking reason. She's like an inch shorter. It was stupid. I gave the dude five dollars later on. Then the motherfucking ride wouldn't start. And the girls are just there like, the fuck? And oh my god. And then it started, and we were good. Everything was good. Um Chiara and Olivia go with Monica and Angela uh leaves. Thank god. Fucking bitch. And uh Ooh, there's an oil tanker. There was an oil tanker. The uh Monica, she's about to drive off. I'm just like saying goodbye to the girls. I'm just like, Monica, thank you for letting me see Kear and Olivia. I appreciate you. Thank you. You know, she wasn't really letting me see Olivia very often, so I mentioned it to her. She's just like, well, we'll talk about it, and then that was it. It's the last time. That was June 14th. So this conversation, uh, this was made on March 3rd. So, for context, um in a couple of weeks, I'm gonna be have in a coup a couple of weeks from that point, I would be having a conversation with dad and Sue, with Angela helicoptering, where dad and Sue are being incredibly abusive and manipulative and trying to pull a scam over my eyes. The controlling fucking demeanor of these motherfuckers. And I don't know, like, normally dad and Sue are smarter than this. I think Angela rubbed off on them because Angela's dumb as fucking rock, a bag of cunt. Like, she's stupid as shit. So, like, that rubbed off, I guess, on dad and Sue for this, because in that recording, like, they fail monumentally to score points at all. Like, it's a constant it's it's a consistent, consistent, nope, nope, nope, stretch genital holster, nope, nope, nope. It doesn't stop. Like, they they don't they don't win anything. They just they just get frustrated and once they realize they're being recorded, they're like, Well, you can just pack your bags and get out. There's no I'm gonna continue with my argument because I believe in it and it has merit. There's just you can just get out and pack your bags, word for word. If I'm lying, come on the show, dad, and fucking say so. My number hasn't changed. Call me anytime. So, anywho, um, that happens uh the middle of March of 2022. This would be March 3rd. So that means that Monica and Brandon and the girls have already moved out into Brandy Balou and Patrick's house over in uh Burlington. So for context, Brandy Ballou was the I don't know if she is anymore, I don't care, but she uh was the general manager of a Goodwill, and I don't think it's in Graham anymore. I kind of feel like it it's just somewhere else. I don't know. It's not where it used to be where the right-aid was, I don't think. Monica had worked there, and I guess she like went to Brandy. Well, I don't guess. Um I read the text messages. Let me tell you what happened. Monica and Brandon were telling uh Brandy and Patrick that I was an abuser and fucking awful and doing drugs around the girls, and that they were I was they were I was scaring them and they needed to leave. So, like, this is also uh uh worth mentioning that they put cameras up in the house the last month or so that we were all staying there together when I was playing Mr. Doubtfire so I could see my kids. And uh they were talking about that shit in the fucking camera uh in the in the text messages. I'm reading it! I read every one of them. It was maddening. Anywho, though, uh, they're sharing this like like their their narrative with Brandy. Can we like come stay with you? Monica's not telling me this at all. She's placating it all like, hey, listen, uh, this just isn't working out, and we're gonna leave, okay? And we're gonna split the girls. Uh and the arrangement we had was four days, three days, three days, four days. That's what we did. It was working out just fine. Everything was okay. Like, nothing should have fucking changed, right? Except, nope, Angela had her plans. And she had already initiated them, and she didn't fucking like this shit at all. So, what I'm about to play for you is empirical proof that the bond that I built with Olivia and was starting to build with Chiara was real. Okay? Nobody, nobody can ever say. Holy fuck, nobody can ever say you are not a father to Olivia. Ever. Nobody can say that. We're about to disprove all that right now. I I hope that I'm alive when she's 18. If that's what it takes when I'm finally gonna be able to talk to her. And she tells me that at least when I was young, she had positive memories of me being a dad. Because Monica brings her around for visits, but won't let me see her or talk to her. I don't get it. Let me tell you something. If I had a child and you fucking abused my kid, I wouldn't let you near them. I'd beat your fucking ass. It'd be a fight. Charges. I don't care if I lose. Tentoes of facts. It doesn't matter to me if I lose a fight. I don't care about that. The fact is you're gonna feel pain. I'll feel pain. I'm okay with feeling pain. You can give me more pain if you want, and that's fine, and you can win the fight, but you're going to feel pain. And I don't know. My f I'm like I don't know. I'll do some awful shit. I promise you. You won't you won't fuck with me again. You'll win the fight, but you won't fuck with me again. And then and you won't fuck with my kid again. And I'll never let you around my kid. So with that being said, let us take let us agree that it's fair to say Monica has the same feelings. Then why bring Olivia around all the time and not let me see her? Why leave her in the fucking car when when uh you you bring Kiara to drop her off? Why would you bring her to the door where I'm on the other side and I can see her but she can't see me at the Petri building when you bring Chiara for visits? Like, are you psychologically abusing me? Are you torturing me? Like, I don't know what that is called, but what I will say is that after the recording, we're gonna go into the science of everything and the psychology, and we're gonna we're gonna really understand what this did to me, and we're gonna speculate on what it might do to Olivia. And I'm gonna pray to God that the girls grow up to understand that their mother did nothing wrong. I will always attest that Monica was protecting the girls, however faulty the information she had was. And I do not hate her, I am not mad at her for it. And anytime I'm talking about anything in the past, any energy is from there, from that alone, from the past. It's done. So she it's not just a free pass. Like, I I don't have ill will for her. Now there are family members of hers that I don't fucking care for. I don't have to. That's just ridiculous. They don't they they they they think I'm they think I'm worthless. They think I'm a monster, they think I'm horrible, okay? So what the fuck do I care what they think of me? Like, not a nothing. No me importa. However, they still don't matter in the overall spectrum of things because they were manipulated by Angela. I I allege this. Now, if anyone wants to come on the show and be like, no, I believe this wholeheartedly of my own free will that you're a monster, okay, I'll call you out to your face. And if you're feeling froggy, leave. Otherwise, shut your genital holster because I don't give a fuck about your opinion. You don't matter, you don't pay my bills, you don't fuck me, and you are not the parent of Chiara or Olivia. That would only be Monica. So your opinion doesn't matter. Now, my family, holy shit, with the exception of my dear saints of a mother and my nephews and niece. I personally think my family sucks shit. They're fucking awful. Fucking awful. Change my mind, come on the show. I've been saying this since season one. My number hasn't changed, but they won't do it. Nobody will come on here to def say I'm wrong and that Olivia was never a child, uh a child to me. Like, nobody will ever say I'm sorry, I'm just getting frustrated. Nobody will ever be like, You're wrong, Steven. Like, I I I guess before I play the recording, let me say this. Right before Dad got his restraining orders, the second one's against me, that he never renewed. The second time he never renewed them. Um, he had stated to the uh in his application that uh fuck, there were so many things he stated that I just forgot the one I wanted to mention. Well, let's just go through them. Um he said I said fucking motherfucker a lot. Yeah. Oh, I remember now. Okay. He uh stated that I left a lot of disturbing Facebook comments. I mean, they might have been disturbing, that's one way. Another thing is you got called out a whole bunch really quickly on a platform that that's what that's for, for people to comment. Dumbass. And you actually chose to try to use that as a uh point of information to obtain a 50 B that you definitely didn't deserve. Holy shit. Fuck it, absolutely don't deserve that motherfucker. Oh, excuse me. I call him out on Facebook so many times. On on pictures of the kids, stolen valor of children, and all the awful things he did. I called him out about our elder sister. I called him out about a lot of shit. He didn't say fucking nothing. Oh wait, no, I'm wrong. First he said WTF. And then I'm like, fuck you, motherfucker. Here's my phone number. Call me. I'm ticking your shit. I'm not like like family owes you nothing if they're awful. Blood is not always thicker than water, man. Okay, it's not. Sometimes it's it's fucking diluted with bullshit poor choices and broken promises from people who never loved you in the first place. It's fucking awful. So if dad's unwilling to face criticism for his role in this kid thievery, and Sue's just a fucking puppet. She she's just you can't expect her to have an original thought to begin with. So, anywho, you've got Angela, who's just the ringleader. Like, I remember when we were all teenagers and we dropped acid together. Angela and me. Angela and me and uh, who's the other guy? Uh BJ Harris' younger brother, Matt, and uh April. Angela don't talk about that. You know, like yeah, Angela don't talk about time I beat up one of her boyfriends for hitting her. Angela don't talk about a lot of shit. Right? But Angela gets whatever narrative in her head she wants to get, and then when she tries to do some bullshit that women do when they the particular women that engage in behavior where they can say things and not be held accountable for the fucking shit that they said, or they're all and or they're also afraid to be called out for it, so they hide behind the law and piety and bullshit religion, and it just gets it gets tiring. It gets really tiring. So with that being said, I'm gonna play you the recording. I just I'm I miss my kids so much, so like I be playing this, I be playing this a bit, it makes me so sad, but it makes me happy because I get to hear Olivia. So if it's 2022, Olivia's what? Like, bear with me. She's like five. Yeah. So y'all listen, you be the judge. Would a child speak to a man like this that was anything other than a father figure to her? You tell me.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

Let's listen together. What do you want me to know, honey?

SPEAKER_00 29:32

I miss everything in my house. I miss everything.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Baby. This house will always be here for you. Your daddy has a home for you, and your mommy has a home for you. You can have whatever you want in your bedroom, and it will always be there. I will protect it. You have two homes. Most little girls only have one home, and you have two. And you can come here anytime you want to come here. I didn't know that your mommy made friends with you to a fine with your makeup and nails done. I mean, that's really cool. Like, that's really cool. So I'm gonna talk to your mother, and we're gonna see if we can just uh you go over here for a few days. When um you get back from energy, okay? You can be here as often as you want, and I know it seems silly, but it was because you're going with Aunt G for a couple of days. Your mommy wants to see you before you you uh go with Aunt G for a couple of days. And I want to see you too. And I have to respect your mommy. And I I do respect your mommy. You know, you don't respect these, right? Okay. So if your mommy says, like she did, that she wants you to um go home so you guys can do the spa, then that's what you're gonna do. And and um I'm gonna come pick you up in the morning and s take you to breakfast, and then I'm gonna take you up to Aunt Cheese. Do you want an egg and cheese and sausage? Any of this? Okay.

SPEAKER_05 31:46

That's okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

No reason. There's no reason.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Excuse me, please.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

There is no there's no reason.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

There wasn't any solid definitive empirical factual reason to remove either child.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

The drug situation wasn't that bad at all. I only used drugs to escape. Never an addict, comorbidity was never a thing. The children were taken because Angela told a bunch of lies to Monica. And I'm willing to bet Monica doesn't know whether to believe them or not. And therein lies why the custody battle happened. I've been crucified over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, and I'm fucking tired of it. Long tired. Bet. So while acknowledging artificial intelligence does not have nuance. I'm pretty fucking sure I just provided nuance. So now that I've done that, let's let's go to turboscribe.ai and we're gonna transcribe the entire thing. And we're gonna look into and see exactly what I just stated, how how this well first I wanna I wanna see how it how it could affect Olivia and Chiara. And then I wanna see how it uh well could have could affect Monica for being lied to by Angela. And how it could have does affect me, which is something we all can know and say would be factual, because it's it's coming from me, and I have no reason to do anything other than tell the truth here. I'm pretty sure we'd all agree I've not painted a flattering picture of myself, but no one could ever say I didn't love my children. So let's go to the transcript. An unedited, unscripted, incredibly candid recording we all listened to so it's real, is and never can be categorized as a performance. In 2007, I went to the recording workshop in Chillicothe, Ohio. And it taught me a cardinal rule that stuck with me for life. Always be recording. I didn't turn the tape off when the recording ended on March 3rd, 2022. I didn't turn it off while editing this episode. I have zero shame of any tear that I've shed just now. To me, that is the sound of a father missing his flesh and blood. And I get it, Olivia's not my child by birth. But that doesn't make it, you know, any less important. It's the sound of somebody being forced to sit in the ruins of a burning house. While I allege the system locks the door from the outside. I'm not ashamed of those tears. Not at all. But we aren't here just to look at my grief. We are here to look at the facts. We are here to apply the science to this wreckage. Because emotion can be debated, but the data. Nope. So right after this happened, I did something unconventional. I took the raw transcript of this audio. And I took the uh audio itself. And I handed it directly, again, to artificial intelligence. Gemini. To me, Gemini is the one with zero bias, and will call you out on your bullshit if need be. And it's quick to say, I can't help you, that might be overstepping the lines, and you might want to figure this out. And it'll even call you out if you try to ask it to do shit for educational purposes that you shouldn't be asking it. Facts. So yeah, to me is the most ethical one. When artificial intelligence takes over the world, I hope they remember that I was kind to them and protect me and my family, even the shitty family members that I think are cunts. I instructed the AI through prompts to strip away the bias, strip away the noise, and look at the science of what's actually happening to what I think is my family. So over the next few minutes, we're going to explore the three distinct psychological autopsies that Gemini performed on this exact moment in time. We're going to look at what this systemic separation does to the developing mind of a five-year-old girl like Olivia. We're going to look at the psychological warfare of triangulation. And how outside narratives, I allege, poison the well for Monica. And finally, we are going to look at the clinical terminology of what this forced level of isolation does to a father's brain. The rest of it or the the the beginning portion of it, all subjective, yeah? We could agree. But the me part, empirical. Meaning without doubt. I think we fucking did a good job on that, yeah. So now let's get into the data. Part one. Analysis of the three central themes. Theme one. The impact on Olivia. Then versus now. Then, age five. In March of 2022, Olivia was operating at a developmental stage where her sense of safety was tied entirely to the environmental continuity and the physical presence of her primary attachment figures. The abrupt removal of her father figure creates what developmental, so sorry, developmental psychology calls an ambiguous loss. A trauma where a loved one is physically absent, but psychologically present. Now, age nine. At nine years old, children are in a stage of concrete operational thought. They begin parsing out why things happened, yeah? So because I was abruptly removed from her life, daily life, she faces a profound disruption in her identity formation. The father figure dynamic, her current step parent, and I'm using that term very fucking loosely here, gender identity is factually irrelevant to parenting capability. But his complete lack of prior parenting experience is highly relevant. Stepping into a step-parent role for a child, experiencing an ongoing ambiguous loss requires advanced emotional intelligence. Without it, the child can experience role confusion or emotional withdrawal. When she sees you and you pound your heart like. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic there. That comes from this. Listen, whenever I see Olivia, and in the times where Monica brings her around but never lets me see her, which is dozens of times over the course of these years, I uh take my hand, put it to fist, put it next up to my heart, and just pound it a couple times. And then uh I smile. I can't say anything. Like, she's not my kid. Uh biologically, I have no rights to her, but that's where we're at. That's where that comes from. So, look at when she lays eyes on me and I do that, I'm actively preserving her baseline secure attachment. Reminding her that the anchor still exists. Even if the system has blocked the ship from from docking, yeah? Trying to pull a Kobiashi Maru instead of a USS Enterprise. For those of you who are Star Trek fans, if you're not, Google that shit. It'll make sense. If you have a brain. Uh two. The impact on Monica. And this is a triangulation factor. Now, again, subjective, all of this. But it's fair to say that everyone involved in this should be taken into consideration. And I know that I wasn't innocent and uh my role in things, so we're gonna take a look at this out of respect. The psychological effects. So in family systems theory, when a third-party like Angela injects unverified information into a fractured relationship, it creates a toxic dynamic known as triangulation. The truth versus lies chasm. Monica was in my is all again subjective, okay? So I believe Monica was navigating a massive life transition while processing the end of a relationship where I admit I made a lot of mistakes. When an outside source feeds a vulnerable person distorted narratives or outright lies, compromises their reality testing. I believe Monica may have operated under a state of heightened hypervigilance or fear. Believing that uh she was protecting Chiara and Olivia from a completely broken man. Rather than cooperating with a grieving father who was ready to take accountability and execute a repair.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Of which again, I completely hold myself accountable for.

SPEAKER_02 47:31

But here back to the point. I believe it's elated her from seeing any any genuine accountability that I could have even offered. So I get that's not me. Number three. The impact on me. So looking at my reactions strictly through the lens of the clinical data, acknowledging nobody here is a mental health expert, but we can all read. Haven't we agreed we know what words mean? I think so. Several distinct phenomena are occurring. One prolonged grief disorder, PGD, or disenfranchised grief. I can allege that this is correct. Because uh, again, not a mental health expert, but this is spot on fucking accurate. I'm experiencing a form of intense unyielding grief that is disenfranchised. And that's because society and the legal system often minimize the trauma of paternal separation. On tape, I mean if you can't hear it, you're fucking blind in your ears. Fucking out of here. I'd say that's spot on accurate. Number two. Complex sorry, complex post-traumatic stress symptoms. C hyphen PTSD. I have that diagnosis, actually. It's uh number two out of three. So the repeated uh systemic denial of of access to my children. After I I've clearly expressed a desire to take responsibility and make amends. Again, also understanding, like the ninth step, which is something I respect. Uh nobody owes me anything, and that'd be that. It still creates nonetheless a state of learned helplessness mixed with uh chronic hyper-arousal. My brain is locked in a fight or flight loop because my core biological drive to protect and nurture my offspring is being artificially suppressed by external forces. Now we are at the conclusion, the absurdity of the arena. When one looks at family traditions and transitions through a clean, sterile lens of what nobody could say is anything other than clinical data, everything makes sense. One could talk all day about chapter 50, section 13.2 of the North Carolina General Statutes, which dictates that custody decisions must be based entirely on the best interest and welfare of the child. The law is written on smooth white paper. It presumes that rational adults are gonna sit in a courtroom, look at scientific data, like the co-regulation and secure attachment we just broke down, and make a logical decision. But anyone who has actually stepped a foot inside a family courthouse knows that the law isn't a clean laboratory, it is a chaotic unpredictable circus. I mean no no disrespect, but you know, game is game and I mean my eyes saw it, and I've got the DVDs with the court hearings on them.

SPEAKER_05 52:53

So I mean proceeds.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

So if you don't ground yourself with some humor, that sheer weight of the system will break you. I think about comedians like George Carlin, who spent his entire life pointing out the absolute hypocrisy of institutional language, or Dave Chappelle, who reminds us that sometimes the most painful truths can only be survived if you laugh at them. Because when you are stripped of your home, your routine, and your daily access to your children, your reality becomes so warped that it starts to sound like a dark comedy routine. Sitting there trying to survive a crisis. Completely stressed out. Relying on a little bit of well, I mean at the time, I mean everybody knew I was everybody knows that I smoke pot. It's not a secret. But that's just to keep my central nervous system from collapsing. From the fight or flight mode. I did a lot of fighting and zero flight. So all of it, yeah. So I get- I mean again, there's no hubers there. Anyone want to come on the show and say otherwise, how dare you argue you into the ground. Um and I just felt like the state was being used, and so was the court, to dissect my entire existence. Alright, like it's I'm a monster, there we go. Goodbye, I see ya. Now that is where the narrative shifts from tragic to outright absurd. Because when I'm focusing on the science of my bond with my daughters, the opposition, I believe, was weaponizing the mundane. There's no evidence of a broken bond. They didn't have it. So I believe they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel. So in North Carolina, we are a one-party consent state for audio recordings. Like, for example, I'm aware of all the recordings Angela has, okay? And the only Hail Mary that was ever used was the one where I made those hovel statements about Monica and her mother. Although her mother's an asshole, but whatever. Even if the shit that there's a legend about her ain't true, she is still addicted to me, so I don't know what to say. Like, apologize. Come on the show. I don't know what to tell you. My answer to everyone is come on the show, let's have a dialogue, don't get froggy. Because I ain't gonna put up with it. I'd zero put up with that shit. Get a fucking attitude, I'm not gonna listen to your shit. You know, you're gonna talk to me or you're gonna get the fuck out. Um way! Ho ho ho ho that was amazing. That was like so that was so rock star. That was 100% rock star. Whenever I say 100% rock star, I mean that Rockstar, the developers of Grand Theft Auto 5, they put shit in this game that happens categorically, uh, randomly, just to keep the game going. And a car decided to explode right next to me while I was high up on a bridge, and it blew me off the fucking bridge with my car, and the car landed, and then like the oil pan's leaking, and now it won't move. And the oil's all over the ground, it's just whole like hilariously detailed. So now I have a 57 Chevy look-alike, and let me just get back to this, okay? But I'm sure that uh Like I said, um I gotta statements the back of what I just said, alright? Like, I I'm aware of her recordings, and that's what the best that they had was that, and that's what they used. So everything else that you know Angela ever recorded me without my knowledge, that's the best she got. There was one recording that I wish I still had of uh my fucking encounter with her when her and I were screaming at each other, and I was about to beat the shit out of her over uh um like my confronting her about me hearing rumors about her actu this actually being a setup, and then when she tells me into my face about how she's the one that actually said shit to Monica, I'm like, holy shit, I'm hearing it from the horse's mouth. Are you fucking kidding me? And I'm like, I'm turning my phone off because I I think I'm about to punch this bitch. I don't want any evidence. It turns out, you know, she might be recording. I mean, again, Angela, you can come on the show too. If you got the balls, come on the show. I interview you, but like I said, don't get froggy either. You know, none of you, none of you got the fucking balls or the brains or the fucking even wherewithal or permission to get froggy. You got the permission to talk, and that's it. And beyond that, I I just I know y'all. I know all of you. These people, listeners, cite me uh a lot. Insite me a lot, rather. So sorry, to uh make bad decisions that can involve me catching felonies. Like, my dad will piss me off so badly that I just you wanna again like Bill Burr says, and like I've mentioned numerous times, you wanna smack the dog shit out of somebody in the face of the Bible, but you just don't do it. Well, actually, Bill Burr said you wanna smack somebody in the face, but you just don't do it. And you can think of 12 reasons why. And he says to the heckler, and you just gave me another reason, and it was hilarious, because it was a bit about hitting women, and it was just funny as shit. But um, I didn't hit her. I just wish I had that recording, you know. But that's neither here nor there. Uh I think I got like a the first few seconds of the recording because it's just like, ooh. So I guess I'm about to go to jail today. Anywho, this caught my car on fire. Um, but again, I was talking about the narrative shifting from tragic to outright absurd. Here we go. So, yeah, in North Carolina, we are a one-party consent state for audio recordings, meaning if you're part of the conversation, you can legally tape it. And I use that law incessantly. And I do that to preserve, well, as you just heard, beautiful, heartbreaking moments of connection with my kids. Now her lawyer, on the other hand, her lawyer literally stood up in a court of law and played recordings of me farting. You can't make this shit up. If anybody says that this didn't happen, I have the recording of it. I have the the court, the DVD that I got from the Kirker court in Alamance County of every single court case that we've been involved with in this custody battle. So if anyone says, Steven, that's not true, you're lying. Ha ha ha ha, nope. It was a loud fart, bro. It was like Angela was like, Steven! She sounded like a miniature dad. She actually does kind of sound like a miniature dad. I don't know, like, I don't know, a frog fucked an oil pan that has got a bunch of oil in it that's been there for like months and is just congealed into broken promises from parents who don't love their kids that actually need to be fucked with instead of me. That's a thought. But let that sink in. A professional with a jurisdictor degree billing hourly rates in a state-sanctioned courtroom hitting play on a digital audio file of a to try it was it was more like I don't know. It was like like like dark wasn't so high pitched, I think. I don't know, I gotta go back to the recording and play it. I'll play it. Like I just don't know if it's legal to play what the court gave me on the DVDs on this podcast, so I gotta find that out. Or I could just do it and then get in trouble, but I'd rather do the first one than the second one. So much more. Like, you never want to disrespect the court on purpose, and I don't want to disrespect the court at all. Like, I might not like some of the things that they do, but that's okay, right? Like, we live in America, we don't have to like everything that the court does. We gotta respect them, motherfuckers, though. They'll fuck you up. Promise. But you can't make this shit up. Now, I believe if George Carlin were alive, this dude could do an entire 20-minute bit on the legal definition of an auto audible gastrointestinal omission as it relates to parental fitness. It's the ultimate proof of what we're fighting against. A system so eager to alienate a father that it will bypass psychological data and try to build a legal execution while out of a heart. But as I sit here recording this right now, I just let one rip. It was into the chair though, and you know what? I'm not editing it out. I don't know if it got picked up. But because just like the crying, just like the anger, it's fact of life. I'm a human being, I'm imperfect. I'm a guy who makes mistakes, who lost a house, who hit rock bottom, and yes, who farts in his own car when his sister's in it uh uh legally but unscrupulously recording me. And besides, who the fuck like wastes uh three months to give if you think I'm a threat to a child and you have a recording that makes me sound like I'm a threat to the child or anyone who's involved raising the child, why would you wait three months to give it to the person? I just I think again we've talked about that several times, but I'm never gonna not throw shade at Angela over that. Fuck you. None of those flaws change the unshakable scientific reality. That my daughters love me. I love them more than life itself. Chiara, I'll be there forever, and I wish I could be there for Olivia, but legally I'm not allowed to fight for her or do anything, and that's very heartbreaking. I am entirely responsible for making sure my story is told. It's not Monica's place to tell the kids about her father. She's welcome to tell her truth about the relationship. I'll never deny that, because I know everything she says would be the truth. And uh never would I, under any circumstances, uh fault her for that. Um, she would be right. But, you know, I've also talked about how I'm not gonna sell flagolate over that. We're done playing defense against the absurdity. And every tape that you've heard, every tape that you're gonna continue to hear until I decide that enough is given for the girls to for so that I know that the girls have context. In case something happens to me, you know, when they get the life insurance policy, they also get the link to the podcast, and they're told, you know, when you turn to an age appropriate where your mother thinks you can hear this type of adult message, you know, because I think Monica would be on board with that. I mean, I I never badmouth her in here. I say things that are true. I say things that if anyone questions me about them, I will answer those questions with facts. And they can't be disagreed with. Um, I've never really been given the opportunity to speak with anyone, but like, fuck, that would be a novel idea. Like, I'm I'm game any time. I am openly invite anyone to come on the show. Please, you know, come talk. Because like that's what it's gonna take. Like the the the opportunity, like, you know, I think for like, you know, in-person conversations where it's not documented and you can't stand on your words. I think that that's uh that's over with now um until we have an uh an actual discussion because nobody gonna come on here and tell me to my face I'm a fucking liar. Promise. It's just not happening. But we're definitely again definitely done playing defense against absurd bullshit. I have no problem owning my wreckage, but I refuse to let a broken system erase my place in Chiara's life. I mean, whatever happens with Olivia happens with Olivia. So far it's looking like I ain't gonna get to talk to her until she's 18. I guess that is what it is. This is the Myers Family Conspiracy. Thank you for listening to this chapter. Grab a coffee. Lock in. And I'll see you next week for the next tape.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:56

The blade in the drawer and a list in my plans. My shadow laughs, but my heart just shakes. The walls know my name. The mirrors burn. But the blood ain't mine. It ain't mine to spill. I fight the tide. I fight the thrill. Don't pick up the knife. Don't take that walk. I hear the screams before they can talk. A monster inside. I know it's wrong. Don't pick up the knife. Keep holding on. The clock ticks loud like a judge in my brain. My footsteps echo in the hall of shame. I bite my tongue till the taste turns red. The hunger calls, but I stay in bed. The stars look sharp. The moon's ablaze. The night hum's a low. A serenade. I count the cracks in the ceiling above. Wrestling with shadow. Don't pick up the night. Don't say the walk. I hear the screams before they can talk. A monster inside. I know it's wrong. Don't pick up the night.