From Protests to Healing: Lelani Marie Russell on Activism, Trauma & Finding Yourself

In Episode 10 of More Than 2 Min, we sit down with activist, stylist, and community organizer Lelani Marie Russell for a powerful and deeply personal conversation about activism, identity, mental health, and self-discovery.

From growing up in Dallas to becoming a frontline voice in protests across Texas, Lelani shares her journey into activism—including her first protest at just 14 years old, experiences with police brutality, and what it truly means to live a life committed to fighting for justice. She opens up about the emotional toll of activism, navigating community challenges, and the reality of being on the front lines.

This episode dives into:
• The truth about activism as a lifestyle vs. a moment
• The impact of police brutality and systemic injustice
• Mental health, postpartum depression, and healing
• Finding your “me season” and reclaiming your identity
• Community, culture, and breaking generational cycles
• Style as self-expression and personal empowerment

Lelani Marie Russell also shares how she transitioned from constant activism to prioritizing self-care, therapy, and personal growth—without losing her voice or purpose.

If you’re interested in social justice, Black community conversations, mental health awareness, personal growth, activism stories, or real-life experiences from the front lines, this episode is a must-watch.

🎙️ More Than 2 Min is a podcast focused on real people, real journeys, and real impact—going beyond the surface to uncover stories that shape our communities and inspire what’s next.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:34

What's up, six seven? I'm glad you know. How's it doing? How's it going? Um well, you scared me. That's good. Wake you up. Wake you up, wake you up, wake you up. It's a special day, so you gotta wake you up, wake you up.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Um one thing that you did not know when you agreed to come onto the show. Well, first of all, thank you for joining. More than two minutes. Um it's it's it's really special having you here, so thank you. I really, really do appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

I appreciate being asked to be here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

And this is a momentous occasion because this is episode number 10. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We made it to number 10. It's and it's been a wild ride. You know, we've got a lot of momentum. Um, the podcast is you can find it everywhere. Uh, views are you know ramping up, clicks ramping up, subscriptions ramping up. It's like, all right, it's time to get 6'7 on now. You so this is gonna be a great conversation. Um I'm really, really excited. And you know, the whole thing with more than two minutes is to give each guest an opportunity to tell their story, to take us through their journey. And uh the first thing I definitely want to get into is your background um and the foundation, your foundation. But before we go there, I want to ask one simple question, which is what season are you in?

SPEAKER_02 3:07

I am in my me season. All right. I am learning um all my life has been for others. Yeah. Um, how I was taught uh was that um Yeah, in the intro, I ran down like all the things.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

It's almost like your resume, right? I mean, being uh an activist, uh being a community organizer, uh being a stylist, being on the go, having you know, children, you know, parenting, being a daughter, all these different things. And so it it at times you can lose yourself.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Very easily.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Yeah, yeah. So let's go to the foundation. Before you started fighting, right, there was a reflection. Okay, I always think about an ocean, and there's the moon shining off of the ocean, you're standing right there, and you're looking down and you see your reflection. So when you look at your reflection, what do you see?

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Now I actually um see a lot of strength.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Um, I am actually able to see myself in a way that I haven't seen myself in a long time. Um, which I know it sounds crazy because I'm gorgeous. But but but but um, you know, self-esteem is my dad used to always say, um, how can you have low self-esteem? It's your esteem, it's how you feel about yourself. Right. And I used to feel like that was a crazy thing to say because um when you don't know yourself, it's easy to, you know, let other people's views take over how you view yourself. Literally looking at yourself, you see what other people put out there. Right. But I'm actually able to see the things like it's crazy to hear people say the things that I have done and stuff like that, or even on the past couple of weeks, I've been revisiting a lot of things, and it's like, wow, I did a lot of stuff. So when I there was a period of time where I saw myself as very weak, it's very low, and I can finally get back to saying none of that was weak. Right. No parts of it, even the parts of me that um took a bad turn or was taking a bad turn, um, I stayed. Yeah, I kept going, I figured it out, I adjusted. And um, I can actually I see my strength, I see my power, I see the things that I've done reflected in myself.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Yeah, yeah, that's nice. That's nice. Where were you born?

SPEAKER_02 5:44

I was born here in Dallas. What part of Dallas? I was born at St. Paul Hospital. So it was off of Harry Hub, if not mistaken. St. Paul, not here no more. Wait, so that's North Dallas? I think so.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Okay. So no Oak Cliff, no South Dallas?

SPEAKER_02 5:59

So you know what's funny?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

So I tell people that I'm from everywhere because I'm accepted in every hood. Oh, okay. Yeah. No place that I can go and be a part. Um, my family is actually from Beaumont, but both my parents are from Beaumont. They came here, they had me. My mama moved back, ended up having my sister, and we've been here since I was five. But um, I actually grew up between North Dallas and Oak Cliff. What high school did you go up to Oakland? I actually went to Richardson High School. Richardson. I went to Richardson. I know it's not crazy, huh? Richard. My mama had the the all of parents at the time, uh a lot of parents had the same idea. We're gonna move you kids from these different hoods. We're gonna give you a better life over here. So then you had multiple kids from different hoods in the same school. My mom thought she was going, oh, you're not gonna get in trouble, you're not gonna be fighting.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

I got no fight first week school. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Crazy times.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Those dukes ever since.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yeah no, sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Right, right, right. So going from elementary, you know what? You said you went to Richardson High School, so I'm gonna stay there for a minute. In Richardson High School, did you have the fashion sense that you have now, or did were you just uh you showed up in some jeans, some sneaks, and a t-shirt?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

So I have different styles, and I've always been real different. My freshman year, I was on a mix. I was at a new school, y'all don't know me. Yeah. I had like my tennis shoe game was cool, my clothes were good, and I bust out in some heels every now and then at school. Really? Yeah, my big sister um used to wear heels in college. Yeah. I mean, not in high school. Okay. So that was something for me. I was like, I can't wait till I get there, baby. I'm gonna put me a heel on every now and then. Really? But um, yeah, my my mom and dad are very stylish. Okay, okay. So they didn't always like my style. Yeah. Me and my dad had to have a conversation. Let's say, Well, you ain't got a wig. I ain't got a wig. So um, but I always had a little a little style.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah, yeah, that's nice. That's nice. So you graduated from Richardson High School, and then what happened?

SPEAKER_02 8:14

So um when I graduated, I went to Texas Homeless University and didn't, and I was actually pregnant with my daughter.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

So um, yeah, I went to school, I came home after the first semester, because I was pregnant the last day. I got pregnant the last day of school senior year. Um, and so I I went to school, went through the first semester, had my daughter second semester, um, took a little time off, went back to school and um with my daughter on campus.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Okay. So your sense of activism, uh, I I know it didn't just pop up one day. You know, it was something that was was probably born into you. So let's talk about that. When did you first recognize, or when were you first educated, that there's something wrong in our society and we have to do something about it?

SPEAKER_02 9:06

I learned a lot of things at home. Okay. Really from my dad. Um, my mom and dad are very different. My mom kind of wanted to shelter us a little bit. They two different households. My dad was like, nah, they need to get it from me. They need to get it from us, they need to, you know, know some things um so that they're not green out here. So my daddy made us all watch um Roots. And we watched all the roots. I'm talking about um the the next chapter. We watched all of it. From from Kuta Kente to Chicken George. I watched it all. Um, and we used to have discussions afterwards. Okay. I was the only one that was excited about the discussions. Discussions used to be, I'm like, what? I can't wait to talk about this. I actually learned about the Holocaust and everything from my dad. Like, he was like, you know, he was talking about it. I probably was like in the fifth grade or something like that. I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I don't even know what that is. And he was like, they ain't taught y'all that in school yet. And I was like, no. So um my dad was very strong with that to the point where he took me to my first protest when I was 14 years old. We lived in Dallas. I lived in Richardson at the time. I didn't lived in Oak Cliff. And um, at Richardson High School, my dad took me from Richardson to Gina, Louisiana to fight for the Gina 6. There were uh six young boys who, you know, had gone to jail. Five of them were let out. The last one, the oldest one, Michael Bell, they didn't let him out of jail. So the protest was for him. Uh Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Michael Basin, they had um uh George, uh George, um Tom Joyner, all of them were there.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

And um it was an experience for me. So I got to see literally, it was probably thousands of people out there. Yeah, um, small town, you got to actually see the town be separated. Like, you know, people talk about stuff like that and segregation and stuff, but their town in 2007, it was 2006, maybe it was 2007. Okay, the there was a railroad track that separated the black side and the white side. Like it was crazy, and the black side was totally different. But I walked to the high school, did all types of stuff, and um my dad had lost me. And he he was like, I need y'all to make an announcement, like, where is my child? Oh, it was like lost law, yeah. Oh and so um they were like that's Al Sharp up there. My dad was like, I don't give a damn who it is. Right. And somebody need to say something because I can't find my daughter, and they Al Sharpen had to make uh an announcement, and yeah, and they they found me, and I remember um my grandmother was like, hey, watch out for your daddy, don't let him go out there and and do nothing crazy. Because my daddy was like, say, What are we doing? I'm daddy. What are we here for? And um I remember after that um the celebrities they left. They went and had an after party in Lafayette. They were done. I'm like, the boy ain't out of jail. Y'all done protest, like this is it. I know this can't be it. Well, we stayed. The black the new Black Panther party was there. Yeah, and um I ended up passing out. Well, my dad was like, Well, we need to go get you something to eat. We need to go ahead and go. Right. Um, and so when he had said that, um I tapped on the ladies, I said, Um, excuse me, I just wanted to tell you, like, thank y'all. Yeah, this was amazing. Like, I gotta go. She was like, You want to get up here and speak? I was like, Heck yeah, I want to speak. And my dad was like, That's my baby. And I spoke. And when I spoke to the crowd, everybody was like, Oh my gosh. I'm speaking, oh my god. The new Black Panther's 14 years old. They were like, Hey, come with us, we'll feed you. Yeah, come with us. And um, they took us to this church, they were having a meeting at it. Um, and they talked to me, they had me go up in front of them and speak to everybody. Yeah. Um, they were like, my dad was going to prison at the time. He was about to go to prison, and they were like, Um, you know, we got some people, we try to help you with that. And when Michael Bell was actually released from jail, me and my dad got to go back. Me and my dad and my aunt got to go back and um actually eat with his family. They barbecued. Really? We got to be with them on Bell Street. We got to hear the story about their family. I got to see all of his scholarships that he lost because of the jail and all of that stuff. But he had like a stack of papers showing all of the schools he was accepted into um for football, if I'm not mistaken. Right, right. But um, we got to like real life be with them where people, um, you know, security and the police had them to where, you know, people couldn't even get on their property. Right. And um I got to be a part of that. So that that did something to me. A girl actually reached out to me uh last week and was like, I remember when you were going to Louisiana, when you were going to Gina for the Gina seat, she said, I you were so excited. I was telling everybody. That was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I had my shirt um uh and and stuff that I had from the protest up until um a police officer hit me when I was 21 at another protest, and um they uh had to cut me out my shirt. Well, they didn't have to cut me out my shirt. Right. They cut me out my shirt, though.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

But yeah. That is amazing. So you were basically born into the fight. Wow, and doing fashion at the same time. Very much so. So let's let's transition to okay, so you were 14, okay, that was your first protest, but you've been in multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple protests since then. So that struck something in you. So what exactly did you feel in terms of, okay, I've gotta do something, I've gotta speak out, I've gotta show up for for my people or for my community.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

I became a mother at 18. Um, got pregnant at 17, became a mom at 18. And I had a little girl. And for me, I didn't want my daughter to, and it's crazy. So my daughter was born February 25th, 2022. Treyvon Martin was killed February 26th, 2012. So my bad, my daughter from uh February 25th, 2012. Yeah, I say that right. My daughter was born. February 26, 2012, Trayvon Martin was murdered. I was in the hospital. I never forget how I felt hearing that story and everything and what it incited in me.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

And actually, a year later, I spoke about that. Um about his passing and just the different things. And uh another boy had been killed. Um, Jordan, I can't think of his last name right now, but he was murdered at a gas station. And they um the the guy who killed him was using the Standard Ground Law. But he left the scene. He was with his girlfriend, it was a uh a car full of kids. He wanted them to turn their music down. It was like, you know, whatever. Right. And he went to his car, walked back, shot that baby. Really? Got back in his car and drove off. I can't think of his name, but I was bringing awareness to that. Okay at the uh memorial where we were, um everybody around the country was remembering Trayvon Martin, and I want to say the case was happening that time. And I remember when um it's crazy, I can't even think of it. Um Zimmerman was found um not guilty. I was actually at the board barber shop with my boyfriend at the time, and I remember crying like I was so hurt. And with me, with my daughter, I never wanted her to see uh feel like you know, know what a weak woman was like or be a weak woman. Right. I wanted her to have strength. So for me, I had to get out there and fight. And I needed it to be understood that you know, for her, um I can raise the best kid that I want to raise. I can do all of the right things. Say, I do all of the right things. But if I don't change the world around her, my baby can still be a statistic. When you look at Botham Ja and him being murdered inside of his home by Amber Geiger, he did everything right, didn't even have a speeding ticket. Right. He went through life being the, you know, outside of him smoking weed, which it shouldn't be bad, but regardless, um, he was murdered. So for me, I had to change the things that were around her. And when Freddie Gray was killed, that was enough for me. Right. That was I was 21 years old. That was my first real protest um as an adult, like actually marching the street. I ended up taking over the like and and a police officer hit me with his car that same night. But that to me, I was so upset. Um wait, hold on, hold on. Okay, take that. Because I I know I did go fast past that.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Well, no, I just want to ask. So a police officer hit you with his vehicle. His vehicle. Intentionally.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

And on the news, they said that I was a man that ran out to traffic and got hit by a car.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Did you have your dreads then? No. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

I had short hair actually at the time. Okay. Um, but it's crazy. We talk about my backstory. What incited me from jump, the very first thing that I was introduced to, especially when it comes to police, because that was that's my background, police brutality. Right, right. Um, um was really my watching my father be beat by police when I was five years old. Oh, wow. Um, my dad came to, my dad and my mom were kind of into it, and she had told the daycare not to let him come and get us. There was an ice cream shop next door to the daycare.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

My dad, I remember it to this day. My dad always says that I remember it, he's like, they did riff me up, but they ain't really beat me. Five-year-old me, they beat you.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

And I still remember it because I used to have dreams about it for years. Yeah. Um, and he he came to the daycare and they were like, you can't take them. And he was like, nah, I'm gonna take them. He was like, I'm gonna bring them back, but I'm about to take them next door. We finna have some ice cream. I miss my girls, and I'm gonna bring them back.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

And um when he said that, they were like, Well, we're gonna call the police. And he was like, Okay. He walked us back in. They moved all the kids away from the window except for me. What? Took everyone away.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

And I watched multiple officers beat my daddy. Again, he said that they didn't beat him. They roofed him up, but they didn't beat him. Roughing up is beaten. Right. At five, that's beaten.

SPEAKER_04 19:51

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

And uh they took my daddy to jail.

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:55

That was my first real introduction to police officers.

SPEAKER_04 19:59

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

So that was crazy to me, especially in a in a sense of me being like my daddy didn't take us long. We were gone, probably 30 minutes. Yeah. Had a probably less than that. Yeah. Got a little ice cream, and he brought us right back.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Um, was a a crazy time for me. But yeah, I I have had a lot of stuff. I had a police officer hit me with a car. I've been body slammed multiple times, drug, um, pepper sprayed, knees in my back, all types of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

So, and again, you know, I want to go back to the to the intro because activism is hard. And people, they really don't realize how how challenging it is to stay in the fight. You know, everybody comes out, I call them kind of like weekend protesters.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

But that's they want to feel like they're doing something.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

Right, right. But but activism is a lifestyle. Very much so. And it's something that you have to commit to, and you have to say, day in, day out, this is how I'm going to live my life. So walk me through what activism looks like as a lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

So 2015, that's when Freddie Gray was killed, that was a year after um Mike Brown. Mike Brown excited a lot. St. Louis Ferguson went to work. Um, to do this as a lifestyle, you don't have many regular friends. You don't spend a lot of time with people. You look rough because it's not about being cute. Right. You know. Right. It's action time.

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Um, there's, you know, uh people had I had got had people say, oh, y'all, y'all getting paid for this. It's some money out there for this. Because where is the money? Right. This is I'm using everything I I had the best little car at the time. Um Cause like$5 to get would get me from Denton to Dallas. Right. And drive me around a little bit. Um, but I lived in Denton and I was protesting in Dallas. My best friend stayed in McKinney. Right. So literally, it's seven days in a week, six days out the week. Yeah. I'm in Dallas. Yeah. And I'm I'm protesting. I'm falling asleep at one of my friends. Uh he had a smoke shop. Or uh I would go to my grandmother's house, give me a little wrist, go home. And at the time, well, you know, 35 been, they've been remodeling 35 my whole life. But I would be in traffic for like an hour and a half trying to get back home. I would get home so late. Homework, all types of stuff. Okay. Relationships are hard. Yeah. Even dating is like damn near impossible. Yeah. Because most guys, the first thing that they would say to me is, Oh, you know, once we get together, you want to stop this. Yeah. Circus of I mean, what do you mean? This is something that I believe in. You're not even giving me, at least let us get together first for you try to now we can't talk no more. Yeah. But you don't, the the um, I forgot a lot of me. I was sick at the time. Um, I have chronic anemia. My body doesn't produce the blood that I lose.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

I've had five total blood transfusions, I've been offered multiple times and declined some other ones, so I could have had more than that. At the time, I was at like 2015, yeah, it was 2015, 2016, I was getting iron infusions, all types of stuff. Past night at protests, I had all types of things. But I would literally fall out, sit up, eat me something, breathe for a little bit, and get right back at it. Wow. It is literally looking, uh, watching your back all the time. I had uh my first case was from Austin, but I got arrested leaving out of Denton. But there was a warrant for all of our arrest for a protest that happened in uh Austin, uh, they got us off of facial recognition drones. So it was not like I got a ticket while I was out there. Some people did go to jail, but everybody who said that they were going on Facebook, right, they matched them to the facial recognition drone and they had warrants out for our arrest. So we found out that we had warrants out for our arrest when they were knocking on our door to come get us. So uh they had actually come to the school. I lived on campus. They came to the school and um looking for me. Somebody let me know. So I dipped stupidly though. I still got caught because I was speeding like let me get out, but you still need to get away. What still not thinking? And uh an officer, uh, I can't even think of what that city is called. It's Creek Something, Something Creek. Um, and they got me, took me to Denton. When I got to Denton's little county jail or whatever, called my best friend. I'm like, hey, look, come get me. When I saw the judge, the judge was like, uh, Austin on their way to come get you. They said they can't wait to see you again. I said, I have never been arrested in Austin. I'm not understanding this. Like, how is this a thing? Right. But I got hit with um obstruction of a highway or passageway and something else. They say that usually people get that for like uh drunk driving and stuff. So the officer who arrested me, he was like, So what did you do? And I was like, Man, he was like, uh, what you do? You was dressed. I say, yeah, something like that. Like, mind your business. Don't take me to the gym and leave me alone. You gonna arrest me just a little bit? My best friend, I don't know if it's illegal, so I'm not gonna say all that, but he he looked out for me and they uh they they couldn't find, you know, they kept saying, Oh, she's not here, she's not here. And he was like, No, I know she was here. I talked to I talked to her when she got arrested. I heard everything that was going on. The officer threatened to break my window. Right, right. Um, if I didn't let it all the way down, which, yeah, I had cracked it, I could speak to him, and he was like, if I didn't let it all the way down, he was gonna break it and drag me out of it. Yeah. So I was like, you don't gotta do all of that. But he ended up, you know, whatever. I was there, my best friend was calling. He he got all the way to the to the the warden and was like, Y'all gonna let me know if that girl in there is something. Right. Because Sandra Bland had just got killed not too long before that. So he was like, nah, but coming to Sandra Bland. So y'all gonna let me know where she and one of the COs had come out when I was getting processed. She said, You got a pushy family member or a lawyer, or something. I said, Yeah, I laughed. I said, Yeah, something like this. And I remember after I spoke to the judge, and he was like, they on their way to come get you. I went back in the little cell. I told my best friend, I said, Hey, they come to get me, hurry up. He was like, I'm on my way, he came and got me. But that was my that was my very first case. I ended up, there were some lawyers who did pro bono work for all of us, and it was hundreds of us who had warrants out. And so they they took care of the cases, and I I was driving back to Austin one time, but it was raining, and he was like, Don't worry about it, I'm gonna take care of it. So I ended up having a deferred adjudication. So if I didn't get in trouble within a certain amount of time, then it's not really stripped from your record, but it's it it it is, but they can still see that something happened, but they when they were in your background, but they don't know what happened. Right, right. So I have to get it expunged eventually.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Okay, okay. So you've been in this for years, and and the fight can feel overwhelming, you know, it can take a lot out of you. Uh you have you have children, you know. So through all the years and all the experiences, what's drained you the most?

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Community.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Wow. Um the community that you're fighting for is what drains you the most.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Um ignorance is truly bliss.

SPEAKER_04 27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

When you don't know what's going on and you don't pay attention to what's going on, you're able to truly live in bliss. But once you know, it's hard to, you know, for everything to be okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Once you know that certain foods are killing you, you know, a lot of times you're gonna make a change. Yeah. So um, I mean when I say we used to get into it with people all the time. Um, because sometimes we would go to places when people would be out to raise awareness. The the point of a protest to me, like I I hated sometimes protesting at night because I just felt like we're not really disturbing anything.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

So um some of the actions that we did, I was like, this makes sense. We are supposed to, we are supposed to disturb the peace. We are supposed to make people uncomfortable so that they listen, so that they understand business does not continue as usual. Right, right. Um, but people get frustrated when you are talking to them and they're trying to have fun.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Or if you stop in traffic or, you know, things like that, like people getting out of the car, um, getting into it with people, but that wasn't even the worst part of it. That part I kind of understood, okay, y'all out y'all want to have a good time. You don't want to hear all of this stuff. You know what I'm saying? It's it's like um going to, you know, to have an abortion and somebody's, you know, they got people outside protesting about, you know, Jesus and stuff like that. And you're like, I don't want to hear this right now, you know. Um, or you know, whatever. But um for me, when my last time getting arrested, I'm one of the Dallas Nine. So we protested the deaths of both Mja and Oshate Terry, uh, which is crazy. I wasn't even supposed to be there because my doctor had called me like the day before and was like, hey, you need a blood transfusion. And um the guy that I was kind of talking to at the time, he was like, Eli don't go to their protest. Right. He said, uh when you get done with work, you come over here. And I was like, all right, cool. Yeah, whatever. But I had already been talking to my people about, you know, everything that we were gonna do and how I was like, I can't lead them by themselves. Yeah, you know, I don't know some of these people. I can't leave my people. Right, right. So I ended up going, I called them on the way, I was like, hey, yeah, I know what we talked about, but I did the opposite. And that was crazy. Nine of us were surrounded by uh police, and they wouldn't let us go until the light turned green. When the light turned green, they jumped on us, threw us, choked one of my friends out. It was just a whole thing. But from that, um Jerry Jones pressed charges on us. Um they had Fort Worth, PD, all into PD, everybody there.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

Uh we spent 40 hours in jail uh with a$100 bond. Not it took$100 to get each of us out the bond. When we saw the judge, she said, your bond is$100. My homegirl said, I got$900. Can you let us out now? Like, um, but they they, you know, we got out of whatever, 40 hours we went from Ardington jail to Tarrant County. Okay. And dressed out, and we're like, they separated all nine of us. We were on different floors in different um units or whatever. And like we had a real jail experience. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

And um What exactly was that experience, though? You know, you you you lose your freedom fighting for your community. You go into a jail, and and you say, when you say you had a real jail experience, you're in there. What what what was it like? I mean, what were you thinking?

SPEAKER_02 31:28

First of all, I was frustrated.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

I was mad. I'm like, dang, I'm in here, you know. We spent the first 24 hours together. Yeah. So now I gotta spend these last few hours by myself, you know. Um, and I don't know these girls. You know, I don't know, you know, who waiting to see a judge, who already been, you know, sentenced. It's a county jail, so um, but I don't know what you're in there for. If you're about to go, if you are at the court, you feel I don't know what your charges are, whatever. Right. When I got in, my first thing was like, um, excuse me, I don't even know the rules. I'm like, where am I supposed to go? I gotta speak to the uh the CO, and she was like, you know, don't come past this line. I'm like, girl, I've never been here. I don't understand this. Right. So um this girl, she was like, uh, you you going straight back? And I say, you know, like why? Like, what's up? My first immediate, I'm thinking, I'm gonna have to fight up in here. Right. I mean, whatever it is, I'm I gotta get up out of here. And I don't know. So we're talking to people on the outside when we got to make our calls and stuff like that. Okay, but we don't know that we made national news at this time. Oh we don't know that this is a big thing. We're frustrated. At the time, I was a vegetarian, I hadn't eaten, right? I have not used the restroom. Yeah, I'm frustrated. Right. So, you know, I'm like, wow, what's up? You know? And the girl was like, uh, you going to sell such and such? And I said, Why? What's up? Like, what you want?

SPEAKER_03 32:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

And she was like, Oh, you might be my silly. And she was kind of cool. I was like, hey, cool. I ain't no. Uh went back to try to, you know, go put my stuff down or whatever. And they came and searched bunks.

SPEAKER_03 33:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

So they flipping stuff, they going through stuff looking for country. Again, I'm new here. I'm waiting to make a call so I can tell my people, hey, I haven't eaten. Can y'all put something on something so I can, you know, give me something in the morning. Um, they make us all sit outside. So we're up some floors. We can took an elevator up or whatever. We're we're up some floors. There's an outside area, but it's not outside. It's like enclosed. It's like a little basketball hoop with no hoop, you know, with no net on it or whatever. And they made us sit outside with our backs to the to the wall. Like we're we sitting, you know, in lines or whatever, and um, they were like, no talking.

SPEAKER_04 33:52

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

But every time we hear somebody talking, that's an extra hour. Y'all gotta sit out here. What? This is my first introduction. I'm just getting here. Wow. And I'm like, what? Are you what?

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

And um some girls get to talking. It's an older woman, she likes say, I don't know if you cuss on here.

SPEAKER_04 34:14

Yeah, yeah, you can't.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

She was like, say, shut the fuck up. Right. And if you don't, she was like, I'm gonna knock your ass out. And the girl was like, I'm not scared of you. She say, hey, you don't know nothing about this. She said, I throw them balls. I throw them balls on you. Say, when I say I was dying, laughing, right? But I'm like, say, I'm with the old lady, shut up. Because if we gotta sit an extra hour out here, I'm gonna be kissed. And the old lady was like, say, they come out here and say something to us. Yeah, I'm on your ass when we get, you know, we get back. And so um they, you know, whispering, they doing a little stuff or whatever. Right. They ended up coming and say, I win find nothing, so they let us go back inside. But we sat out there for probably like an hour. Phones were shut out when we got back in, you know, people were in there watching TV and doing stuff, eating, you couldn't do any of that. At that point, we had to, it was lights out.

SPEAKER_05 35:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

So we went in, laid down. Um, I remember the girl who uh who I was bunking with, she was like, um, she was eating some Skittles and she was like, You hungry? She was like, Have you eaten something? And I was like, nah. And she gave me some, she gave me some skittles and she gave me a pickle. My best friend was like, Oh, we got you out just in time. You was gonna be her girlfriend. He said, You let somebody get you. She said, You let somebody get you that fast. Say, hey man, I wasn't even thinking about all of that. All I was thinking was, it's been a long time.

SPEAKER_04 35:36

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

I need something on my stomach. And um, they ended up calling me, like, it was early in the morning. I I don't know what time it was. Okay, but it was like a speaker in the cell or whatever, and they was like, E Lani Russell, um come on, you know, come out or whatever. So I came out, the CO brought me downstairs, they brought us all out. We didn't even get a chance to grab our things, and they were like, Y'all being released, and they rushed to us to release us, like undress, you know, put your clothes back on, hurry up, y'all to get out of here. So basically, what they did was the lawyers and our people that were there for us, they was like, it's gonna be a long time for us to process them. Y'all can go eat, you know, do whatever y'all need to do, and we'll let y'all know, like, you know, then you know, come back in like two hours. Right, right, right. That's what they told them. Well, when they when they left, they heard up and rushed us out so that we would go out and nobody would be there. Crazy enough, the only person who was outside was Charleston White. We're in Fort Worth. Charleston White said this is before Charleston White was was as big as he is, and he was like, say, I'm coming for the whole, you know, I'm uh we we're we into it with each other a little bit because we frustrated, we haven't eaten. We are kind of men against women a little bit at this time because they didn't bind it over there. We bind it too, but still we we were frustrated with them because some of the stuff they had did and we had found out certain things they had said that one of the guys had brass knuckles, and we was like, You bought brass knuckles, man? We finna have extra stuff. Yeah, one of the dudes, he was like uh kind of trying to tell, but I didn't invite them, didn't want them there. But regardless, the dude didn't have on brass knuckles, he had on a four-finger ring. Okay, and but they said brass knuckles again. We can't talk to each other, so we're hot. Like the video, the video that the news had got a bus, right? Is we walking out pissed as I'll get out. The men trying to talk to us, but us as the women, we are hot. Again, we don't know we made national news, right? We don't know that, and we come outside and we don't see any of our people.

SPEAKER_04 37:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Cutting our phones on. I didn't cuss my brother, my you know, my people out. I'm like, hey, where the hell y'all at?

SPEAKER_04 37:37

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

We hungry, you know. He was like, Man, I'm gonna get you whatever you want to eat. We didn't know y'all were gonna get out that fast. So they just they rushed us out, and it was just like literally getting our phones, um, cutting our phones back on. I think mine was on for like five minutes, then I had to charge it. But when we got all our stuff and um our phones were going off the hook. Right. And we were like, what? Right, all of this has happened, but going to um it was when you had asked before, um what took me down with community. Yeah, um, we went to jail in 2018.

SPEAKER_04 38:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

Okay. Um going to court 2020, the pandemic happened. Yeah. So we started going to court in 2019. Okay. 2020, um, because they kept pushing us back. It was always something, always something, always something. 2020, we're having court. Um, so we we we were going to court in 2019. When I showed up to court, it wasn't really anybody there. It's like a few people that I know, like um, you know, people you know were there. Yeah. And um, you know, a couple other people, but I'm like, the courthouse not like tech with people. Like, I've been standing for y'all for years right now, and no one's here. Right. That hurt my feelings. Yeah, because nobody had your back. Yeah, that that really hurt my feelings. Um, I was still standing, but that that hurt. And then after the pandemic, um, you know, when we finally got charged and everything, um, that was that was hard to go through that, the money, all of that stuff. Yeah. Um people have been donating to uh GoFundMe that had nothing to do with the with all of us. And so, you know, the the lawyers were free, but the the end result and all of the stuff you have to pay for court fees, you have to pay for um your probation. You have to pay, so you pay probation fees, you pay court fees, you pay for the drug tests that they do on you, like all of that stuff was just it was a lot. Um, an organization ended up paying my fees. Right. Uh, and I think my mom gave me some money. Um, but my I didn't get off probation until 2024, February 2024 is when I actually got off probation. Okay. Which is crazy because I was only supposed to be on probation for a year. Right. But they kept pushing me back. Yeah. It kept me in different stuff. So um that that that hurt.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Yeah, yeah. I can imagine. I can imagine. You know, one of the things I always think about when it comes to um the community is social engineering. And and I have this theory that when it comes to our community, there are things that are injected into the community from outside forces, outside actors to influence the vibe, the frequency in the community. And if they can keep us circulating at a low frequency, then they can control the community more. And sometimes I don't even know who that who they is, right? You know, who that would be. But at the same time, it's like there are all of these instruments within the community. It's like we're constantly fighting amongst ourselves, you know, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I always think about uh Neo Soul. So we had this this music that was uplifting. We had films uplifting, we had TV shows, uplifting, we had art, we had all of these vibrant elements in the community. And little by little, it seemed as though there was something else that was pushing up, you know, certain types of music or certain types of films, degrading women, you know, degrading uh the elderly or whatever the case may be. So, you know, when you think about community, what are some things that that we probably need to strip away to help us to move forward?

SPEAKER_02 41:38

Well, the truth is um this has been embedded for a long time. When you think about slavery, slavery lasted almost 300 years. That's a long time to break a people and break them down. And you have um we talked about this um on another show I was on uh the dark against the light, the um the woman against the man, all of those things. Uh the buck breaking, you know, um taking the biggest one, yeah, doing, you know, all of that stuff. So um even the the like when I say the light against the dark, like everybody mad at each other because they don't know what this one is having to deal with. Y'all both dealing with stuff. We really can't say either has it better because you're in the house, things are happening to you inside the house, right? Things are happening to them out there. So, you know, um, all of those things, but it continued. Every time we tried to progress, they would tear us down again. Um uh Black Wall Street, all of those things. So every time we would build a community, we would come together. Um, I actually feel like segregation um hurt us a lot more than it helped. And um, I honestly feel like that's what got one of the king killed when he said that he started to understand, he started to understand things a little bit differently. Him and him and Malcolm actually started to be a little bit more on the same, somewhat understanding when it came to certain things because he started to see things a little differently. He said, I feel like we're gonna win, you know, um integration. I um I didn't mean to say segregation, integration um messed us up, but he was like, Um, I feel like we're going to win. He said, Um, but I feel like we're um we're running into a burning building. Right, right. Like, and and and it's the truth, yeah, because you allow the people who have for years, centuries, um took away our our everything that we knew, our language, yeah, our culture. Yeah, they forced all of their stuff on us and made us feel like everything that we knew was wrong. Right. So, you know, you got generations of generations not even knowing where they came from. You know, we have storytelling and we tell, but it's just like um telephone, things get lost in translation. Right, right. You know, and big. Bit by bit we started to lose more and more and more of ourselves. So when it comes down to it, um, once Martin Luther King was killed and people weren't really researching and understanding like the things that he was he was saying about the integration, we felt like, oh, we won. We got in, we got complacent. Um, and we conformed more and more to the things that kept us safe.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

And even now, like with the you know, music, movies, and different things like that, um, we were we were taught in church, excuse me, about um certain things that were bad. Um they used to talk about Pokemon, you know, pocket monsters. Right, right. And how it was bad and things like that. And uh we had a there was a pastor who used to speak about certain things that you watch. Um, and he, you know, they would really bring stuff, but he would say that um I can't say like don't watch everything, but know what you're watching. Oh, wow. Be aware of what it is that you are feeding yourself. Yeah. Um and over time, the more things that happen to us, the social media we have, everything is at our fingertips. Right, right. You know what I'm saying? Um, but it's easy to scroll past stuff. It's hard. Like for years, everything that that was bad that was happening, I was taking it in, taking it in, taking it in. And it was fueling an anger inside of me to the point to where I don't really want to know a lot of stuff that's going on. Like I know what I know, and I, you know, I look at little stuff, but I have to take it in bits and pieces. I can't watch any videos of anybody being killed. I can't watch anything because it had become um, I had become so numb to it. Right. And nowadays, a lot of this stuff we are numb to. Yeah. If I hear gunshots right now, I'm not going to run. I'm not gonna duck unless I hear them close. I know when it's time, but a lot of that stuff just feels normal. I'm not gonna stop. I probably continue to talk. Um it's crazy. A lot of us are actually living with PTSD. They they know PTSD when it comes to um war veterans and things like that. But honestly, we have dealt with so much trauma as a people. Yeah, we are living with PTSD. Yeah, you know, um, and if you go to a therapist enough and you talk to them, they will tell you that. And it's um it's hard. So when it comes to the things that we need to change and stuff like that, I really feel like a lot of parents need to learn more and not put everything on the school to teach their kids. I think that um we put a lot of emphasis on celebrities being able to tell, you know, for kids to look up to. So why would y'all sing music like that? Or why would you do this and why would you do that? Right. If I'm speaking about my reality, it's still your responsibility to teach your kids something different. So we still need to get back to the storytelling. Yeah, where we came from, the village building. I allow anybody I trust around my kids, you are able to discipline my children because I want my kids to get everything from all of us. And if I trust you, then I trust your judgment when it comes to getting on them. We've gotten away from so many things that actually saved us for so long. That's true. Because we kept feeling like, oh, well, we we got a seat at the table, but we really don't have a seat at the table. They're giving us bits and pieces and crumbs, and we are comfortable with that because, you know, we don't have to focus on the bad things that are happening.

SPEAKER_04 47:39

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

But if we can truly get back to teaching our children, being real with them about stuff, I still talk to my kids about things that are going on. I still check in on my children because I do not want my kids to forget who they are, how they're seen, right, and what's to come. My children learn from everybody. My mom, my mom is Christian, my dad is Jewish, and I'm more spiritual. They get me from they get it from all points because I want them to actively go and and and learn it themselves. I want them to believe in something, not because their mama believes in it, because it's something that they actually look at. I want them to be able to get the full experience, and a lot of us have gotten away from that. So we really just need to stop putting it on everything else and what's feeding our children and what we're allowing to feed our children and still feed them at home and make sure that I can't take away everything that's going on. I'm never going to be able to say, we're just gonna shut down all of that.

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Right.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

Um, so if I give them enough value and understanding, because regardless of how far you go, you can always get back to your values and the things that you've learned. So if I give them all of those things, then they can be aware of the things that they're watching so that it doesn't taint them and change who they are at their core.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Yeah, yeah. That is a solution. That is a that's 100% a solution. And I like that because a lot of times people who identify problems or they identify challenges, they can't come back around with some solutions. So I think it's great that you've been able to kind of think through the challenges and the opportunities and then get to the solutions. But at the same time, it's probably because you've been in the fight and you've been at the ground level, and so you've been building yourself and building yourself, and you've had all these things come in. And with that, I want to talk about mental health because that's something that's very, very important to me. Um, the first thing I want to say about before we get into it is thank you for uh you you know I've had health challenges and and everything, and been in and out of the hospital, and every time I come out the hospital and I come around you, you'd always check in. It's like, you know, hey, how you doing? I'm doing okay. Then you, you know, probably give me a hard time.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Very much so, because I never want you to not feel normal around me. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:56

And if I'm too nice, you will not feel comfortable. That's true, that's true. So I appreciate that. Um but the thing is that everything around us, you know, everything we do, our space, our clothes, you know, so much, it contributes to mental health. It can either, you know, uh promote good mental health or it can contribute to some challenges with our mental health. You've been in jail, you've been beaten, you've been hit by a car, you've got all these things going on. How do you protect your mental health?

SPEAKER_02 50:30

So actually, um, and my break from activism started um three years ago. Okay. Three, almost four years ago, um, when I was pregnant with my son. Um, well, actually, I would say after I had my son completely took a break in about 2022, so about two years ago.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

But um, I had a lot of postpartum depression.

SPEAKER_03 50:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

I was slightly depressed before then, but um, I was highly out, I was high functioning in my depression. Yeah. And I was just focused on everybody else that I never had to take a time to focus on myself. Well, after my son, I lost a lot of people around me. A lot of people didn't talk to me. I ran for city council.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

Right before I got pregnant with my son. Um, my election was.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

So that's gonna be an episode all by itself right there.

SPEAKER_02 51:21

My election was May 1st. Yeah, May 1st, uh, 2021. I got pregnant with my son in June of 2021. So what were you thinking? Oh my god. I took a break, okay? No. But but um I um going through that or whatever, um, spending time by myself. I had my son at home. I had a home birth or whatever, and um I was by myself a lot. Wow spent a lot of time with just me and my baby. Yeah, uh, the few people that you know I trusted would come and check on me from you know time to time. My dad would come late at night, my mama would come like once a week or whatever. Right. But I had fell into a very deep depression to where I didn't even know how to communicate to someone that I was depressed. Right. There were times where I wasn't bathing myself or eating properly or just literally stuck. Yeah. And um it got really bad. Yeah. It got very, very, very bad. And um I thought something was terribly wrong with me. And a friend of mine said, you know, it takes like two years, because they say, they say, um, what they say, they say, oh, you know, the six weeks you need to let your body heal. And then some people say, oh, about up to 18 months. But a friend of mine, she was like, you know, it actually takes about two years for you to get through that postpartum depression. Yeah. And I was coming up on my two years, and I was like, God, this makes sense. I'm not crazy. Right. You know, I had really thought that I had was losing my mind. Yeah. And um probably 2025. Okay. 2025 was a hard year for me. Okay, I had made some new friends after my son. I had thought I was, you know, doing some different things for myself or whatever. 2025, yeah, I went through some heartbreak. Wow. I'm talking about some bad heartbreak. I was torn down to the point to where I had, I had already started to forget a lot of myself.

SPEAKER_04 53:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

I was already forgetting a lot of myself. I had forgotten tools that I needed to use, different things. And uh at this point, I was like, this is crazy. Like I was felt so small. Yeah. And I was like, you know what, I can't, I can't stay like this. My kids see me every day. My children love me. Um, I can't stay in this space. Right. And I started to do something for myself. I'm going to school.

SPEAKER_04 53:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:59

I'm going to school. I signed up for school. Um, and I signed up for counseling. Okay. So 2024, I started to change my fight a little bit. I started working more with reproductive justice. Okay. Whole different thing. But regardless, um, it was a lot of freedom in that. Yeah. And there was a lot of resources that came with it. So I ended up being able to get some counseling for free. So I started going to therapy. I started going to therapy. I sent my daughter to therapy. I say, hey, I know I ain't been to bed, so I'm gonna let you go get some help. I'm gonna go get some help. Right. And my therapist was like, you're not crazy. Right. And you're not wrong. Right. You just gave yourself to the wrong people. Wow. And she started the way she would talk to me, and she would get, you know, with would uh would give me certain things, it clicked. Right. And I was like, I don't want to be like this anymore. So I went to focusing on myself, yeah, being okay with the people that walked out, putting back into myself. I just started getting into the things that uh that helped me. Right. Being on podcasts. Yeah, because I don't ever want to be an activist like I was before. I do not, I never want to be a frontline soldier like that anymore. I don't mind going to talk to state representatives, I don't mind doing all of that stuff, but I don't want to do that part again. Right. But it's time, my doula said it's time for you to start teaching. You have all of the stuff. Yeah. So how do I teach people? And I have not gotten me completely together. So I started doing the things that make me happy. The way I dress, that's my self-expression. Uh I cut my locks off. Uh well, I cut my locks off in 2024, but still I cut my locks off. I started expressing myself with my hair more into my style, actually dressing myself versus just being at home and not putting on clothes. So wanting to be outside, getting outside and having fun. I like to dance a little bit, you know. I go out, you know, I like it. Heavy little now, I am a little, I I don't uh I don't like to be in the club that long. I'm more of a lounge person, but every now and then, you know, I go, I shake a little tip rather than I sit like this for a minute.

SPEAKER_04 56:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:16

And then I get back up, do a little something, then I'm back to like, okay, what time is this over? But um, but just getting back out there, doing certain things that I enjoy, putting into myself and realizing that I come first. I need certain time for myself. I'm not all the way back to me, yeah, but what makes me happy? Yeah, what are the things that I need breaks for my kids? Yeah, I love my kids, but everything cannot be around them. Right. When I go shopping, I don't have to shop for them. I was like, that's good. What? I don't gotta buy them. That's crazy. Uh just doing things that I that I enjoy and that I wanted to do for myself. So really focusing on my mental health.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

Yeah, yeah, that's then that's beautiful. That's really beautiful because I think we all go through phases where we lose ourselves a little bit. Some people are very good at hiding it. Um, you know, I wrote a book, Invisible Terrier, Silent Joy, and it was all about putting the mask on, you know, and not letting people see your vulnerability or your struggles and all this other stuff. In the past two years, going through my health challenges, I'm breaking out of that a little bit. You know, um, you know, I grew up being a musician, then I got into poetry, and then all these different things, but I only allow people to see certain parts. You know, I kept church and state separate. And but now I'm learning that you know, that hurts me more than it helps me, because if I'm struggling to hide certain parts of myself, then I'm not being true to myself. And that leads me to your style, okay, because every time I see you, you're popping. Okay. And it's it's it's it's it's like your identity, because it's not it's not fashion-based, you know, it's style-based. It's like it represents you. So when you show up, it's like you're giving an impression or you're giving a presentation of your spirit, your soul, everything that makes you Lily, right? So when you go, where first of all, where do you shop?

SPEAKER_02 58:17

I mean, do you think everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. I thrift.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:22

Uh she and I'm now I'm a bargain shopper. Let me start there. Okay. I love me a cell.

SPEAKER_03 58:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:28

But I can go pretty much everything everywhere. I go to Rawls, I can find something in places that other people are not gonna find stuff. I'm actually really good at shein. I um there's uh a friend of mine who will contact me sometimes and you know, put me a list together. Or my cousin sometimes, she just put me some stuff to the side. Like I don't dress other people like I dress myself. Right, right. I dress me differently. I dress people based off of who they are, their body type, etc. But my style for me is um depending on how I'm feeling, I use certain colors that incite certain things to me. Orange is for your sacred chakra, which is also where your creativity is. When I need to be more creative, stuff like that. And it's it's crazy because it has been a part of me for so long that I just start unintentionally doing those things. It'll speak to me like, oh, that's what I need to be putting on today. Okay. Right. Blue is for your throat chakra, like when I'm not speaking up for myself or I'm I'm timid and things like that. Just putting on certain stuff that incite certain things in me. But for me, um, some people are very unfortunate because they see me as small. Majority people understand that I'm 6'7. So it whether you you notice it off top or you don't, right, right, right. I'ma speak. My body, everything about me is gonna speak before any words actually come out of my mouth. So this has always been or two.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:01

But the reality is.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:02

He keeps trying it, and it's crazy that you go so far. Like, I can't trip you. No, I'm just playing. So, but but seriously, that has been how um, like, you know, most places when you when you gotta go to work, you have to go to work a certain way. Right, right, right. I always stood out based, I always stood out based on how I dressed. Right. For me, when you talked about people um being able to hide what they're going through so well, that's how I hide it. I hide it based off of um if I look good, if I smile all the time, then you don't know what I'm going through. But for me, it was like it's not everyone else's problem to fix me. Right, right. But it's exhausting.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

It takes a lot out of you.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:48

So um, but still, um, I find a lot of joy in dressing myself and putting on stuff, putting myself out there that that's exciting to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:59

Nice, nice, nice. Well, we're getting to the end of our time together, but before we get there, you know, there's uh the last segment. It's called culture chat, but it's really called this or that. Okay, so you remember the rap song back in the day? You can get with this, or you can get with that. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:15

Okay, so it's basically Don't make me as old as you. I'm done. Okay, that's my last joke. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:27

Oh, episode number 10.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

All right, all right, so I'm about what song today that you're listening to represents the fight of the community?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:42

A song missed today. What is it? Anytime. Just you know, yeah, anytime. Because I was like, dang, I went and looked up something. I'm just playing. So um actually, uh the song Wake Up Everybody, no more sleeping in bed. Uh-huh. Uh, no more, no more backwards thinking, time for thinking ahead. Right, right, right. Uh the world has changed so very much from what it used to be. Um, it's crazy. So a song that's so old, but we as a people are still dealing with the same stuff that they were dealing with then.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:17

Um, not much has has changed. It looks different. Our access is different. A lot of things are videotaped now. Um, and we feel a little more empowered. I don't know if we feel more empowered or if we have just gotten so delusional that it seems like we're more empowered. Right, right. But that song, um I'm always in a sense of wake up and stop thinking that you are safe. Right, right. Um I've I move my children to a decent neighborhood. We live in a community. It's the first time ever. I've always lived very close to a highway, very close to the main street. Like I'm on the end of the street all the time. Yeah because my mind is always, I need to go. I need to go. I need to go. Um, I back in everywhere I go because when I get in, I'm gonna pull off. Right. Always about my safety. And this is the first time that for my children and myself, that we are in a place where it takes us a minute to get to the main road. It takes us a minute to get to the highway. And for me, I feel more safe, but I'm never unaware of what's going on. Right. And I just feel like even when we feel safe or comfortable, we always need to be paying attention because at the end of the day, we are still black in America. Now, there are a lot of things that are changing the recognition of slavery, all of these different things that are happening to push us forward, um, you know, reparations, all of these things, but it's so many things that are also setting us back. The president in office, you know, different things. We have different celebrities that we've trusted and loved that are, you know, look like us, but they're voting and their understanding is against us or whatever. It is truly time for us to understand what's going on and get back to a better time where we actually cared about each other. It wasn't about, well, your background is different from mine's, or no, you can't send nothing to my kid or whatever it was. Yeah. And starting to understand that at the end of the day, I'm black, you black. So when we walk up out of here, can't nobody touch you because I I got your back. Right. And you got my back. Right. And that's it. That's all. If I have a problem with you, I'm gonna discuss it with you later on, but I'm never gonna embarrass you out here in public.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:29

So those things, um, to me, that's always um, that will always be a song that resonates with me because not much has changed, and we we just need to get back to some better us as a people.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:44

Yeah, more togetherness. So we're gonna run through this real quick. Awareness or action?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:50

Both.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:51

Okay. Protest or policy.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:55

You you're killing me. They need to, they, they they kind of go hand in hand in in a sense. I want my politician to advocate for me. I want them to protest.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

So rest or grind.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

I do want to get to the other.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:13

Okay. Authenticity or expectation.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:18

Authenticity.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:19

Okay. Social media activism, is it a tool or is it a trap?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:27

Depends on how you use it. If you are aware of certain things, it can truly be a tool. You can reach more people, you can push it out a lot faster. Um, but you also have to be careful and mindful.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:41

That's nice. That's nice. Lalani Marie Russell. Before we jump out, where can people catch you?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:51

So on Instagram, yeah, it is loving underscore this underscore life one. On Facebook, it is Lily Marie. L-E-L-E Space Marina. If you sit here for a quest, I might not accept it. But you can follow me, you know, shoot me a message. We can converse. I fear people just a little bit, but not a lot. It's okay. And you're on a couple of podcasts, right? I am. Okay. I am. I am on one called uh black shit. It is shit is spelled Z-H-Y-T with two gentlemen. Uh, we actually we're on all your podcasts. And I wear wherever you watch your podcast, we we have um stuff we're listening to. And I was just on the Dirty Bag Podcast. An episode aired last week. You can watch it on YouTube or anywhere that you listen to podcast. And um the second episode airs this week. Okay, and with the Dirty Bag uh podcast, is it spelled like it sounds or is there Yes, it's our one word, the Dirty Bag uh Space Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:57

I think it's important that we support other folks. Um, you know, the platform that I have here is all about building uh in togetherness. And I think that the only way that we can get forward is if we say, okay, we're going to burn the boats so that we can, you know, focus on building bridges. So uh again, thank you for jumping on uh more than two minutes. It's been enjoyable. I learned some things, you cracked some jokes, and it's good that you came through. So thanks again, Lily.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:25

We're out.